As Robert entered his apartment in DC he didn't recognise a single thing in it. He saw the movies and books neatly lined up on the shelves at the wall and the big flat screen occupying most of the living room. He didn't feel at home, he didn't feel right here at all.
He let his hand move over the smooth surface of the piano and smiled unwillingly.
"You played well." Gibbs let his eyes rest on the instrument and looked like he had lost himself in a dear memory. Robert sat down and let his fingers move over the keys and without knowing how he played a tune. It was like he had played it often.
As he heard his door being opened he turned to see Gibbs vanishing and wondered about his lack of goodbye. Robert closed the lid of the piano and went to explore his apartment further. Someone must have done cleaning and dusting here, as well as grocery shopping. Nowhere was a single mote and the cupboards of his kitchen were filled completely. As he went on he saw some pictures on one of his shelves.
They showed him and a couple of people he didn't recognise except for Gibbs and McGee but at least he looked happy. He saw McGee and him sitting on a table smiling into the camera. He, with a woman in his arms as he kissed her cheek. He briefly wondered if she had been his girlfriend but dismissed this thought because McGee would have told him. Another one showed a bunch of people, him in the middle of the group, in front of a rather nasty orange wall. He guessed it was a group photo of the 'team', they all smiled brightly and he somehow couldn't believe it was him between all of them.
His gaze froze as he saw a picture of him and Gibbs sitting on the stairs of a wooden deck, beer bottles in hand and shoulders touching. They had been close obviously. How could he have enjoyed the company of this rather rude and grumpy man? Robert took the photo in hand and dropped to the couch. He must have missed something about Gibbs. There must be a reason he was working for five years at NCIS and for Gibbs.
Tim had said Gibbs gave Robert a home and a place where he was wanted, like he did for all the others on the team but he couldn't imagine that this Gibbs was able to act like that.
Robert groaned and moved his neck. This was just a big fucking mess. He wished he would remember at least a bit. He got to his feet and decided to go for a walk, the fresh air would clear his head and he might come across something he recognised.
Robert walked along the streets of DC for hours. He knew the city that was sure but it even could have been a documentary on tv.
The cold had creeped up his spine and his feet were tired as he found himself in a part of the city with only small houses. It looked like a suburban area and something pulled him even deeper into the small streets. He felt something, something undefined but something.
He stopped in front of an old two-story building. It was dark and somehow looked abandoned but it caused a feeling of home inside him. Carefully, he moved closer and peeked through the window of the living room. It was furnished spartanically. An old couch and armchair surrounded a coffee table in front of an old and supposedly monochrome tv. He could see a fireplace on the left and in the back was a door leading into the next room. His heart ached at the familiarity he felt.
"Robert?" Gibbs was leaning in the open front door watching him with a half-smile. He cleaned his hands on a dusty cloth. "What are you doing here?"
"Gibbs?" He was shocked. "Are you living here?"
"Yup." He croocked his eyebrow and stepped to the side. Robert still stared at him, not able to move. Why the hell was Gibbs' house letting him feel at home? It took him several minutes to move but eventually he followed Gibbs inside. His feet brought him to the basement of their own accord. Gibbs was already working a piece of wood again as he sat down on one of the last stairs. That was right. For the first time he felt absolutely right in a place. The view was right, the way the stairs felt under him was right, even the smell was right.
Robert leaned his head against the wall next to him and gazed into the distance. He was sure he had done this a million times and sighed deeply.
Gibbs spared him a short glance and Robert was sure he saw a smile tug on his lips. They spent a long time in silence and Robert just enjoyed the feeling inside him.
"We really were close, weren't we?" Robert let his eyes rest on Gibbs and a warmth spread inside him.
"Yup." Gibbs didn't look at him as he dropped a wood carving knife to the work bench. "Hungry?"
Robert watched him passing by in a trained move and wasn't even on his feet before Gibbs had vanished into the kitchen. The easiness Gibbs showed while he navigated around him underlined the suspicion; Robert had sat multiple times in this exact same spot. He shook himself to loosen a bit of the tension inside of him but with no luck. He followed Gibbs into the kitchen and watched him prepare some potatoes and vegetables at the kitchen table for a few minutes.
"Can I help?" He asked, feeling in need to occupy his hands.
"Take care of the potatoes, ho-" Gibbs interrupted himself and cleared his throat. "How do you like your steak?"
"Shouldn't you know if we were close?" Robert answered to hide his unawareness. He took a seat and started to peel the potatoes. Gibbs smiled slightly and turned to the kitchen counter after he got up.
"I thought it might have changed like so many other things, Robert." His gaze somehow was teasing and sad at the same time.
Robert focused back on the tubers and was surprised that he had already divided some of them into four. He ignored it and went on. After seasoning the steaks Gibbs threw different spices into the bowl with the potatoes-vegetable mix and shuffled everything into the oven.
Robert got to his feet and waited uncertainly for the next step.
"Living room." Gibbs ordered and without thinking Robert obayed. He eyed the room more closely this time. He saw more or less the same pictures on the mantle as he had on the shelf in his apartment. One corner of the mantle was empty and he had the feeling something was missing there.
Robert dropped to the couch, choosing the right place on it. Something told him Gibbs was sitting left near the fireplace. Gibbs lit up a fire and started to cook the steaks.
Robert leaned back and thought about his dislike for the man. He wasn't so sure about that anymore. He actually felt quite content in his presents now and his undefined subliminal fear eased around Gibbs more and more.
He twitched as the front door swung open and pulled him out of thoughts. An older man with a hat entered the room. He took it off and beamed at Robert.
"Anthony, it is so good to see you."
"Ducky, what do you want?" Gibbs' voice was hard and he looked warningly at the other man.
"I thought I better check on you, Jethro. It must be hard for you with young Anthony, here, not remembering a thing." Ducky had placed a hand on Robert's shoulder and he felt strangely comfortable like this. The hand seemed to ground him and the warmth spread within him again.
"Did you take the photo down of... " Ducky had fixed his eyes on the empty spot on the mantle. "Oh no, my dear Jethro, don't tell me you kept it a secret."
It seemed as if he was outraged and he huffed in disapprovement.
"Shut up, Ducky." Gibbs' warning gaze intensified, Robert looked from one to the other and felt like a child between fighting parents.
"Tell him." Ducky demanded and the level of aggression in the air rose suddenly.
"Tell me what?" He inquired and was silenced by a gaze from Gibbs.
"Jethro!" Ducky wasn't about to let it go and Gibbs cursed under his breath.
"It's Nothing. It's past and I damn well better forget it, too." The pleading look in Gibbs eyes made Robert's heart cramp and even Ducky seemed to melt.
"Fine, Jethro but I think you are doing the wrong thing." Ducky turned on his heels and left the house. Robert was about to ask again as he saw Gibbs' expression. It showed sadness and despair. Robert blinked and all was gone, Gibbs' face was as blank as always. But the image of him so devastated was burned into his mind and let him shudder.
They spent a quiet comfortable evening with delicious food and nice talk and as Robert left he was sure Gibbs wasn't as bad as he had thought at all.
*/*
~He was standing under the cherry tree. With the blossoms now the tune waved through the low spring breeze. He let go of everything and let his mind float with the wind. The peace he felt warmed his insides like the sun warmed his skin. He spun around in circles and breathed in the sweet aroma of the cherry blossoms.~
As he woke his feeling of happiness and peace was chased away by a feeling of loneliness and emptiness. It felt like he wasn't supposed to wake up in this room or apartment at all.
Robert groaned and sat up. He stumbled into the bathroom and took a shower. Yesterday, Gibbs had suggested visiting the Yard, seeing familiar surroundings might help him remember. He was just in time to find Gibbs pulling up in front of his apartment block. He jumped into the Challenger and they drove to the yard.
As he entered the bullpen, the black-haired woman from the photo threw herself into his arms and on an impulse he kissed her cheek.
"Tony!" She squealed in delight and suddenly he knew he was right here.
"Hi." He answered with a shy smile and watched the people gathering around them. They were the people from the photo, the 'team'.
"He likes to be called Robert." Gibbs muttered behind him and the girl looked irritated at him.
"Really?" She focused on Robert and obviously waited for an explanation.
"Yeah, I just don't feel like a Tony. Sorry." Robert felt uneasy and was thankful as Gibbs placed a protective hand on his shoulder and barked, "Back to work everyone. Even you, Abs!"
Robert could see the people vanishing in all directions. Gibbs stirred him towards a desk and placed him behind it. He was sure it was his and let his hands glide over the surface.
The day went on with no notable occurrence until half way to finish time his phone ran.
He took it without even thinking and said, "Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo is speaking."
He let the phone sink down and looked at the asking faces of his colleagues. He still didn't remember but it seemed like something loosened in his mind. Fearful he watched Gibbs coming over and taking the phone in hand. The blue eyes lingered on him and Robert needed to blink as his brain rapidly tried to work through everything.
Gibbs wordlessly listened to the one on the phone as he rested his hand on his shoulder squeezing Robert reassuringly. The touch of Gibbs hand sent waves of tingles through his body and overstrained his system completely.
~He was standing under his cherry tree again, involuntarily straightening his back to enjoy the warm breeze. He smiled slightly as a hand took his and he felt love spread in his tummy. The tune was floating through the air and the cherry blossoms wavered in the wind. He breathed the sweet scent in deep and leaned onto the shoulder next to him.~
As he slowly got conscious again, he heard Gibbs whispering angrily. He focused on his voice and listened.
"A wife, Ducky, children. How am I supposed to tell him."
"My dear Jethro, he has the right to know. For god sake, how would you feel?" Ducky's whisper was as angry as Gibbs'
"I can't. I won't!"
"Then show him."
Robert opened his eyes and took in the few details he could see in the dim room, feeling pressure in his head.
"Robert, you alright?" Gibbs rushed to his side and eyed him. He tried to sit up but was held down by Gibbs' hand on his chest. The worries in the blue eyes stunned him.
"What happened?"
"You got unconscious." Ducky came into view and smiled fondly at him.
"I have a huge headache." Robert touched his head and felt his vision swim.
"You really should see a doctor, my dear boy. A concussion like yours isn't to be taken lightly."
Robert winced at the pain and closed his eyes. "I don't want to. I spent enough time at the hospital."
"So as your doctor I highly recommend you to not be alone the next few days." Robert opened an eye to see Ducky glancing at an annoyed looking Gibbs. He wouldn't mind staying at Gibbs place, after all this was the place he felt at home the most.
"If you want you can stay at my place for a few days. I have the next few days off, anyway." Gibbs gave in after Ducky just raised his eyebrows to answer his death glare.
Robert's heart jumped at the thought. He closed his eyes again and sighed.
"Good that would be that." Ducky said, agreeing instead of Robert. Gibbs huffed and he could hear him leave "Anthony, you can stay here until I need the table but I'm hopeful this won't happen today."
Ducky petted his shoulder and he wondered about the strange feeling his real name caused within him. It still sounded wrong. Robert was lying on the cold metal table for a while and stared at the ceiling of the autopsy room. Ducky was working on a corpse on the other end of the room, checking on him from time to time.
"Ducky?" Robert asked after the hours had passed.
"Yes, my dear boy?" Ducky came over and watched him closely.
"What is Gibbs hiding from me?" His eyes were fixed at the ceiling.
"Oh my." Ducky looked down on him with some kind of sadness. "That is something Gibbs has to tell you."
Robert scrutinised his counterpart and felt as if the other man wasn't giving in about this.
"Let me just know one thing, then." Robert paused to sorte his words. "Is it this bad?"
Ducky looked in surprise at him. "I mean… Can't I bear it? I just don't understand what could be so bad that you can't tell someone who is supposedly so close to you."
The men smiled softly. "Some things are even harder to tell, if you are close to someone. Mostly in order to protect them or because you don't want to lose them."
"You know I'm not sure if I like him at all. I really couldn't stand him when I first met him. He was so rude and demanding."
Robert noticed the confused look on Duckys face. "You remember the first time?"
"Sure." Robert stopped. "I mean in the hospital."
Ducky nodded lightly. "You should know the first time you two meet in the past he punched you and you pointed a gun towards his face." The man chuckled. "So this time you two started way better."
"Really?" He was surprised. "I thought it couldn't get worse. I simply can't imagine we are friends. I mean I can see all the evidence but the way he is acting on a daily basis is just..." Robert paused, trying to find the right word, pondering his ambivalent feelings about Gibbs.
"Just give him time and a chance to prove you wrong. He is a bastard, no doubt there but he is also the one who would give his life for you; And I can tell, the former Tony wouldn't have wanted to live without him even if it was just for a day." Ducky smiled again and went back to his work.
Robert felt the smooth metal underneath his fingertip while he tried to make any sense out of this whole mess. The table wasn't very comfortable and he wished to be on his couch or actually maybe more on Gibbs' couch.