Chapter 2
Emi glared up at the stars of the baby mobile dangling over her crib. She was trying to plan a course of action to ensure her survival, but the glittery stars kept distracting her every ten seconds. Being a baby was tougher than it looked.
She tried turning her head as much as she could to stare at the sides of her crib instead. There was only so much time when she was left alone to think in peace, specifically those hours she awoke before the rest of the household. In another one or two hours, Tae, her nanny and Mio, the maid with the beauty mark would come tend to her. Therefore, she had to focus and use these precious hours to plan. Unfortunately, she was soon distracted by the sight of her large, fluffy teddy bear lying next to the rocking chair her new mom liked to sit in. She mentally corrected herself – she meant her mom/aunt.
Because apparently, she had reincarnated into the world of Vampire Knight, where your mom is also your aunt, and your dad is also your uncle. It was already ridiculous finding out you had been isekai-ed by Truck-kun's American cousin, combine that with the shock of realizing you're the product of incest.
Emi bit her doughnut-shaped rattle toy as she continued thinking – there was simply something very soothing and addictive about biting stuff to a baby. (Is it still considered biting if she only had half a tooth? She wondered how long it will take for the rest of her teeth to grow out.)
She felt bamboozled.
Of course it was too good to be true, being reborn into a happy and wealthy family. In her past life she had had a broken family, but in her new life her family transcended the boundaries of close-knit into straight up incest. It was like she signed a contract, mistakenly thinking she scored a nice deal when in fact, she had missed the fine print at the bottom warning about vampires, incest, and potentially being murdered by your sibling in the future.
Well, the incest explained many things. She already thought it weird how her mom and sister's faces were almost the same. Ditto for her father and brothers. The only differences were their height and the exact shade of brown their hair and eyes possessed. (At least Rido had some variety with his heterochromia.) Incest also explained how oddly touchy-feely her sister and her brother were – at first, she had thought she was overthinking things, but it turned out they really were a couple!
Of all the series to reincarnate into, why Vampire Knight? It had not been her favorite series, and in fact she hadn't particularly cared for it. She had only read it because her friend Jenny had been obsessed with the series and had dragged her into reading it back in middle school. She briefly pondered what Jenny was up to these days before returning her thoughts to her situation.
Emi sighed and comforted herself that it could've been worse. At least she hadn't landed in the world of Goblin Hunter or Berserk.
As she chewed her rattle, she racked her brain trying to recall as much as she could about Vampire Knight. Most of the information was not immediately helpful though, because she had apparently been born into the time before canon started.
What she could remember was that Rido had been obsessed with Juri, who had married Haruka instead. He eventually goes crazy and sacrifices Juri and Haruka's firstborn to awaken the ancestor. Rido kills Haruka when he returned for Yuki, while Juri sacrifices her life to turn Yuki human. And according to Jenny who had bought the light novels (yes, her friend was a hardcore fan), Rido was basically a freak who imprinted on a baby Juri and later killed their parents when they didn't let him be with her.
How lovely, Emi thought and scrunched her nose. My new older brother is a psycho with an extreme sister complex.
She was suddenly hit by a disturbing thought. What if Rido turns his sights from Juri to me? Didn't he want Yuki to replace Juri because they basically looked the same? With the high degree of incest going on here, I'll probably resemble Juri too! Emi chewed her rattle with increasing urgency as she considered the highly disagreeable possibility. NOOOO! I don't want to marry my brother!
Incest was a hard pass for her. She still retained the memories and mentality of her past life when she was a human, where incest was almost a universal taboo. Even when she read Vampire Knight, she could never accept the incest despite all of Matsuri Hino's justifications that purebloods were not human so it did not matter. Hino probably doesn't have a brother so she doesn't know how annoying and gross they can be. (Emi shuddered as she recalled how Trevor and Corey, her younger brothers in her past life, had often held contests to see who can fart more.)
Even without the issue of incest, Emi preferred her guys to be mentally sound, which Rido was probably not. And maybe she was being picky, but she also preferred guys who are not at risk of committing infanticide.
Emi relaxed her bite on her toy as she continued to ponder. Wasn't Rido engaged to Shizuka? If that's the case, then she doesn't have to worry about marrying him. But was Shizuka even born yet? The series did not give much info about the time before canon, but it did state that Shizuka's fiancé (aka Rido) was much older than her...
Emi started munching frantically on her toy again. No! Please be born already Shizuka! I need you to take one for the team and marry him because I sure as hell don't want to!
At that moment, her train of thought was broken as the doors to the nursery opened. Tae and Mio swept in to prepare her for another day. Tae headed straight to the crib and smiled when she saw her charge was already awake. She gently removed the rattle which was slippery with drool from Emi's hand before picking her up and examining her to see if any nappies needed to be changed.
Emi smiled a wide toothless smile at her caretaker. She was glad to see her as she was starting to get hungry. She decided there was not much she can do about her current situation given her many limitations as a baby and ignorance of the current world. The present plan was simply to observe and gather information. When she got older, maybe she would just hightail it out of there and leave the Kurans to their dumpster fire of a family feud.
Rido was used to being an older brother, but that did not mean he was happy to be an older brother yet again.
He and his siblings had assumed their parents had closed up shop on reproduction after Juri was born, but apparently that was not the case. While Haruka and Juri had immediately taken to Emi, he did not care to interact with her any more than necessary. This feeling was only exacerbated the more his mother forced him to do so.
He wished his mother would stop insisting that he "bond with his new sister". His mother would frequently reminisce out loud about back when he, Haruka, and Juri had all been children and how they had been so close. She particularly loved to bring up how a four-year-old him used to help her and the nanny change the newborn Haruka's diapers and how he had insisted on carrying his baby brother all over the estate. Did his mother think he, a grown man with important duties, would do the same now? Sometimes he forgot how detached from reality his mother could be.
He didn't see how it was possible for him and Emi to share the bond he and his other siblings had once possessed. Haruka, Juri, and him had all been born within the same decade, whereas there was an age gap of 400 plus years between them and Emi. Besides the problematic age difference, he simply did not see her appeal.
In his eyes, she was just a flesh blob that squirted out vomit and piss, made weird faces, and cried loud as a banshee. Perhaps it was the rosy-tinted lens of nostalgia, but Haruka and Juri as babies had never been this off-putting even though they also had their fair share of toilet mishaps at that age. At least those two had been cute enough to make him smile and laugh back then, but this one only made him grimace.
Additionally, he was almost convinced the baby had some sort of grudge against him, because what are the statistical odds that every time he was forced to hold her, she would cry, puke, piss herself, or worse, do all of the above? His mother had even commented how Emi didn't behave that way around anyone else, and then she had laughed, as though she found it cute (knowing her, she probably did). He on the other hand was definitely not amused.
Thankfully, he could busy himself with work and limit the time he was forced to spend with the baby. Although he couldn't explain it, he felt there was something abnormal about his new sister. He could only hope that Emi would become less displeasing as she got older; he already found it hard enough dealing with the rest of the family.
What felt like another month passed, and by this point Emi understood roughly half of what the people around her were saying. She marveled at how fast babies learned and thanked all the anime and J-drama she had watched in her past life. Being able to understand the language greatly alleviated her boredom.
Being a baby was incredibly boring.
Aside from being fed, bathed, and put to bed, her life was mostly being cuddled and carried around in her mom's arms. She couldn't even roll over yet, so there were only a few forms of entertainment available to her: peek-a-boo, the baby rattle, her plushies, whatever toy small enough for her to put in her mouth and listening to the people around her gossip.
Of those options, the last was the most exciting. Even if she were sleepy, she would perk right back up as soon as she sensed the first hint of gossip about to be exchanged. According to Tae's whispering with Mio, the head chef was having an affair with one of the laundry maids. Earlier that week, Tae had caught them emerging from the pantry, both sporting disheveled hair and clothes.
How scandalous! Emi gurgled with satisfaction as she listened to the juicy gossip – it was almost as fun as watching trashy reality TV.
On the other hand, her mom was a poor source of entertainment – she mostly complained to Emi about her other children being all grown up and not spending time with her. Emi tried to show sympathy by gurgling occasionally and struggled not to dose off. However, listening to her mom go on for the hundredth time about Rido refusing to eat with the rest of the family was exhausting and her eyes often glazed over with indifference.
At those times, her mom would poke her chubby cheeks and comment on her "dead-fish eyes".
Ma'am I'm sorry for zoning out, but what do you expect from me? I'm not your therapist (though I do feel like your stress ball). But I recommend getting yourself a hobby – do some knitting or gardening. It's not healthy for your entire identity to revolve around being a mom, Emi thought as she endured the poking and squishing that seemed to be occupational hazards of being a baby.
Not long after, Kyoko did indeed take up a new hobby. Unfortunately for Emi, Kyoko's new hobby consisted of dressing up her baby in various ridiculous costumes. It all started when Juri came home one night after a day-long shopping trip with her friends.
As usual, Kyoko was sitting in the nursery rocking chair, holding Emi and humming a lullaby to lull her baby to sleep. Just as Emi was about to drift off into dreamland, Juri energetically burst through the doors with a loud bang, followed by a maid carrying many large boutique shopping bags.
"Juri, Emi was just about to fall asleep!" Kyoko frowned and lightly reprimanded her daughter.
"Mom, Emi can sleep later, I bought so many things for her!" Juri exclaimed, her eyes sparkling. She directed the maid to set down her purchases and then excused the servant.
After rummaging through the bags for a few seconds she pulled out a large plushie of a strawberry with an embroidered smiling face. "Look, isn't this strawberry so cute? It's even scented to smell like strawberries!"
Kyoko smiled indulgently and watched as her elder daughter continued digging through her purchases and prattling on about her day. Out of the bags came baby blankets, towels, little booties, clothes, and various toys. Emi sleepily observed out the corner of her eye and was most pleased about the new rattle ring, which looked oh so biteable.
Finally, Juri got to the last bag and announced, "Of all the things I bought today, this is my favorite! The moment I saw it, I knew it was a perfect match for Emi."
Having said that, she reached into the bag to reveal a fluffy, hooded, long-sleeved romper.
As soon as Emi saw the romper, she squealed in disapproval. Pray tell, how exactly is that a "perfect match" for me?!
However, Kyoko was delighted and before Emi could squeal more, she was being undressed and stuffed into her new attire.
"Kyaa! It's too adorable!" Juri gushed, her hands clasped. She was evidently very proud of her shopping decision.
"Oh yes, it's so cute on Emi," Kyoko agreed as she studied her baby. "Let's go show your father."
The two women set off down the hall and some stairs with an unhappy Emi to Hiroshi's office. Without knocking Juri opened the heavy wood doors and entered, followed by Kyoko. Hiroshi was seated at his large desk, and Rido was standing across from him, an official-looking document in one hand. Both men were glaring at one another, and there was a tense atmosphere in the room.
"Oh dear, did we come at a busy time?" Kyoko asked as she eyed her son's free hand, which was clenched into a fist.
Hiroshi shook his head. "Rido and I were just finishing up, you're not intruding on anything important."
"Dad, Rido onii-sama, look at Emi's new outfit! Isn't it just adorable?" Juri asked and lifted Emi from Kyoko's arms to better display her to the other family members.
Upon seeing Emi, all residual tension faded from the office. Hiroshi was moved to laughter and even the normally brooding Rido snorted in amusement. He quickly turned away to hide the shadow of a smile on his lips, but Kyoko caught sight of it. It was the first time in a long time she had seen her son's smile.
Hiroshi eventually reined in his merriment and extended his arms. "Let me hold Emi."
Juri accordingly placed Emi into his arms.
Hiroshi chuckled as he looked down at his daughter. "What an unhappy expression she wears, frowning like she is saddled with the problems of the world! Emi, smile for daddy."
Emi deepened her scowl instead.
As her husband and daughter focused on Emi, Kyoko turned to her son and asked, "Dear, what do you think of your little sister's new outfit?"
"It compliments her quite well," Rido said, managing to keep a straight face.
You damn liar! Emi fumed. I look like a clown!
She squirmed in Hiroshi's arms. Her new romper was light pink with a cartoonish pig face embroidered into the hood, and two fabric pig ears sewn onto the sides.
"I know, right?" Juri exclaimed. "It also has a cute little piggy tail on the back, and it's made of 100% merino wool!"
Juri then pulled out a small pink box topped with a decorative ribbon and opened it. "The outfit even comes with this little pacifier designed to look like a piggy snout!"
"Wonderful," Rido declared and clapped his hands slowly in a show of approval. "Perfect for Emi who is so...vocal."
Juri stuck the pacifier into a reluctant Emi's mouth. This prompted both Kyoko and Hiroshi to start laughing.
I hate y'all, Emi thought as she sucked irritably on her new pacifier and glared at the smirking Rido. Just wait till I grow out of this baby body. Just you all wait.
A few nights after the success of the piglet outfit, Kyoko summoned the family seamstress and ordered a custom costume for Emi. The costume arrived two days later, and Emi was once again forced into her new outfit and paraded around to entertain the other family members. Since Rido was holed up in his room again, Kyoko had to go find him.
When he opened his door, Rido took one glance at the obviously annoyed Emi in her newest costume and smirked.
"What do you think about Emi as a little sheep?" Kyoko asked.
"The costume brings out her babyish charm," he replied.
"Really? I was thinking of doing a scrapbook where I take a photo of Emi in a different costume every few days. I want to capture her time as a baby since children grow up so fast."
"That's nice. Maybe you can dress her up as a frog next, something about her just reminds me of frogs."
"Oh, that's a lovely idea!" Kyoko said, happy to hear her son's input.
The hell it is! Emi railed in her head.
"If that is all, I need to get back to work, mother."
Kyoko nodded. "I'll leave you to your papers then. Good night dear."
She then returned to the nursery and placed Emi back into her crib. As she stood, she softly ran her fingers through Emi's delicate tufts of hair. "Isn't it wonderful that your brother finally smiled again?"
Uh no. Lady, there's a difference between a smile and a smirk, and what he did was smirk maliciously! Emi gurgled her disagreement.
"Let's dress you up more Emi. I think we can draw your brother back into the family again," Kyoko whispered and pinched her cheeks.
Unfortunately, I don't think that will work, he seems to hate all of you people's guts, Emi thought and frowned.
However, Emi resigned herself to the fact that her remaining scraps of dignity would be sacrificed in her mom's vain efforts to make the sullen Rido happy again. She couldn't wait to grow up and get away from both the parade of costumes and the impending bloodshed.
A/N: Thanks for the comments, favs, etc. Anyway, Emi can't talk yet but she be making judgmental and angry faces like babies in those funny baby videos lmao.