Three days had come and gone and Beca and Chloe still continued to dance around the subject of what had happened the other night at the dinner table. Despite random remarks from the other Bellas, they both continued to shrug it off.
"So we got drunk a few times and ended up making out." Beca's reply was flat, making it clear as day that she didn't wish to continue this conversation with Emily. They stood across from each other at the island countertop both making PB&J for lunch when Emily broached the subject.
She was downplaying it; she knew that. But it's not like she was the only one. She still couldn't get the sound of Chloe's voice out of her head when she'd overheard Chloe on the phone with Aubrey last night. Beca was walking toward the bathroom and heard Aubrey's voice on speaker, and Beca stopped and listened. Normally, she wasn't one to eavesdrop, but part of her was just a little curious to know why the rest of the Bellas seemed to think this was a big enough deal to notify anyone other than the girls they shared a home with.
"You slept with Beca? Chloe, I know you've made some pretty questionable decisions regarding who you choose to hop into bed with. But Beca Mitchell? Really?"
Beca frowned. She knew she and Aubrey were never exactly the biggest fans of one another, but the sound of her harsh words made Beca's eyes narrow as she leaned in closer to the cracked-open door. At least she knew Chloe would defend her. Chloe's words would make her feel better.
"Please, it's just sex. You know what I'm like. What's the big deal?"
Those words echoed around in Beca's head for hours on end, robbing her of countless hours of sleep that night. Maybe that's why she was so irritable when Emily brought it up again as they were making lunch.
"Amy caught you guys having sex in the shower, Bec. But sure, continue to tell me how you just 'got drunk and made out.'" Emily's words only frustrated Beca further and she dropped the knife that was still coated in peanut butter.
"Why does everyone even care so much? God, can't we find another hot new topic of the day that doesn't involve me being fucked in a shower?"
Emily lifted both hands up defensively and frowned. If anything, she was happy for both of her friends. Despite being late in joining the group, it didn't exactly take long for someone to catch on to their bubbling sexual tension. And Beca seemed happier whenever Chloe was around.
"Sorry, I'll drop it. But, in all seriousness, if you want to, you know… talk to someone about it—"
Beca groaned, giving up on the sandwich completely. She wasn't hungry anymore.
By Thursday evening, Beca was almost certain that Chloe was on the same page as she was about them ending this whatever it was that they were doing. It's not like Chloe Beale knew a single thing about subtlety. So the fact that she didn't show up in the middle of the night eager to straddle Beca and start kissing her neck—nor did she wind up drinking too much and pulling Beca aside to lean in and kiss her when nobody was looking—was enough of an indicator that their fun had come to an end as quickly as it had begun.
But then why, as she lay in bed staring up at the ceiling in the darkness well past midnight, did she still twist and turn and nearly cry out when she thought she caught a glimpse of Chloe's perfume? The clean smell of peaches and freshly-picked daisies must have been lingering on her pillow case, and she squeezed her eyes shut.
Just two doors down, Chloe sat up in bed. For the first time, she regretted her decision to always say no to the idea of blackout curtains. Maybe the reflection of the moonlight and the lamppost in the distance peering in her window wouldn't have been so distracting and she would have been asleep by now. Instead, she leaned over and reached for her phone.
She found Beca's name somewhere near the top of her messages list and tapped to open the conversation. The last exchange they'd had was from days ago and Beca made a joke about how Chloe nearly woke half of the house up last time they were together. Chloe had replied and said it wasn't her fault that someone did a poor job at ensuring she kept quiet – she couldn't control herself.
She scrolled through their exchanges. Smiling at how they were always a little bit too flirty with one another, but how it had seemed to kick up ten notches after that first night they'd spent together. It had only been a little over a month, and she remembered it like it was yesterday: Chloe had a little too much to drink at one of the a-cappella parties and Beca ended up having to walk her home. As soon as Beca helped tuck her in, Chloe tugged her down onto the bed beside her and kissed her without hesitation. Neither of them dared to look back and, when they woke up the next morning, they didn't mutter a word about it. But then, a one-time thing turned into a recurring trend every time they drank and, eventually, became a routine that occurred regardless of whether drinks had been consumed or not. A routine that Chloe always looked forward to, but didn't ever see a point in admitting out loud.
Finally, she tapped on the text box.
We should talk. She typed it and then quickly erased it. That sounded like they were a couple. They weren't. They were friends. At this point, it almost felt like they were barely even that.
I miss you. This time, she didn't erase it. But she didn't click send quite yet. Instead, she stared at those three silly words. Missing someone who was down the hall? She'd never felt so foolish before as she sat there, contemplating why it was nearly one in the morning and she was sitting here missing someone, maybe for the first time. Closing the messages app, she tapped on her photos. The first picture that appeared in her Favorites folder was a candid photo of Beca she'd taken last week. Beca was laughing at something she saw on Instagram and Chloe was so quick to capture the moment. She ached to be able to have Beca in front of her now. To trace the outline of her lips and kiss the laughter from her mouth. To relish in the way she tasted. To feel soft skin beneath her fingertips.
She went back to the messages app and sighed, clicking the little blue arrow to send the message before she could take any more time to second-guess herself. Placing her phone back down on her nightstand, she finally rolled away from the window and shut her eyes.
"Beca? Earth to Beca Mitchell?" Amy called out just before she tossed a pillow across the room and missed Beca's face by only a few inches. "Your three alarms went off and you're still not waking up. Either get up and get to your internship or turn that dang thing off."
Groaning, Beca blinked her eyes open and wiped the sleep from them. She caught a glimpse of the time and jumped up.
"Shit!" She raced to throw on clothes and sprinted to the bathroom to brush her teeth and get ready. As she headed toward the door, she snapped her phone off of the nightstand and grabbed her keys.
She didn't check her phone again until lunchtime. When she saw Chloe's name, she blinked twice as if maybe she were just delirious and imagining things.
I miss you. "What the hell does that mean?" Beca groaned to herself at how ridiculous this all felt. If Chloe thought that all they were doing was just sleeping together and it meant nothing, what was with the days of silence and the cryptic late-night messages? She tucked the phone into her back pocket and decided this was something she'd deal with later.
Meanwhile, Chloe was back in her literature class and, despite her promise to her professor to be more engaged, she was more distracted than ever. She thought about the way she and Beca would always catch eyes from across a crowded room and gravitate toward each other. About the way Beca would roll her eyes at Chloe's comments and advances but then would melt into her touch. It felt like she'd spent a year just pining and waiting and wanting and now what? Now she'd lost her best friend. She wouldn't even answer her texts.
When her phone buzzed in her lap, she nearly jumped out of her seat. Her heart fluttered in her chest as she peered down to read the message she'd just received.
Party with the Trebles tonight! Who's getting the booze? Amy's message in the Bellas group chat only made her heart sink into her stomach. She muted the chat as an influx of replies came in – none of which were from Beca.
When she got home from class, Emily was in the kitchen.
"Hey, Em. Excited for the party tonight?" Chloe tried her best to make small talk as if nothing else were on her mind. "I'm sure Benji will be excited to see you."
Emily's face lit up at the sound of Benji's name and Chloe couldn't help the way her own lips tugged upward in response to the sight.
"Do you think he knows I like him?"
Chloe laughed. "That boy would do anything for you. And the way you just lit up at the sound of his name makes me think the feeling is mutual," she teased as she nudged her arm.
"Your face does that, too, you know?"
Chloe tilted her head as she dropped down in the chair and lifted one leg up in front of her in the seat. "What do you mean?"
"With Beca. When you think nobody notices you staring at each other – your gaze softens and you look… I don't know, proud? I'm not sure what the right word is. But I bet people could write songs about that look." Emily laughed, realizing she'd found some inspiration for her next song.
"Beca?" Chloe shook her head. "No, she's just my best friend."
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Besides, who better to love than your best friend?"
"We haven't really talked since… well, you know." Chloe frowned as she twirled a strand of her hair around the length of her index finger.
"Yeah, well if it's helps, she wouldn't talk to me either. You know how she is. But if anyone can get her to open up, it's you."
Chloe smirked and Emily shook her head. "Okay, that is sooo not what I meant." She grabbed a can of soda from the fridge and rolled her eyes. "I'm sure she's going to come to the party tonight. Just talk to her. You two will work it out. I'm sure it can't be easy when you have a house full of prying eyes and ears, though. But just know, I'm rooting for you."
And just like that, Emily disappeared down the hall, leaving Chloe to her thoughts. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting there when she heard the sound of the front door opening and closing. Within seconds, Beca appeared in the kitchen.
"Oh. Hi." Beca barely looked at Chloe as she walked toward the fridge.
"Well at least I know you're alive," Chloe forced a laugh and rubbed at the back of her neck. "How was work?"
Neither of them wanted to do this – the small talk. Beca was never good at it and Chloe was never one to skate around what was on her mind.
"Work was good. Pretty busy but at least they didn't fire me for being late." Beca dropped down in the chair next to Chloe and Chloe realized she was holding her breath, mentally bracing for Beca to just walk out of the room without speaking. This was good. This was progress. She exhaled.
"Are you excited for the party tonight?"
Beca raised an eyebrow. "What's tonight?"
Chloe felt a rush of relief spread across her chest. If she didn't see the messages about the party, maybe that just meant she'd been too busy today to see Chloe's text and she wasn't purposely ignoring her.
"Oh, just the Trebles hosting. Emily is really excited," her voice felt so nonchalant that it almost felt foreign as it left her lips.
Beca sighed and rubbed at her temple. "I have so much work to do."
Chloe's heart sank again. She wasn't sure why she'd hoped that the two of them being at a party together would make things feel like they were back to normal, but she couldn't help herself. And having her plan get ripped out from under her feet crushed her more than she could even explain. She didn't realize her sad expression was written all over her face until Beca spoke again.
"But I'll come for a little while. I have time on Sunday to get my work done."
The warmth in her cheeks made Chloe realize that maybe Emily was right earlier. She instinctively reached out and put one hand on top of Beca's. "I'm really glad you're going to come. I miss you."
"I know," Beca laughed nervously. "I- I saw your message. You know we live together, right?"
Chloe swallowed. "You know what I meant."
"No," Beca said flatly. "No, I really don't think I do."
Before Chloe could say another word, Beca stood up.
"I'm gonna go get ready, but I'm excited for tonight." Beca gave her a reassuring nod. She hated the way Chloe's face was speaking volumes right now. But she also couldn't get the sound of Chloe's voice out of her head telling Aubrey it was just sex. As if the person she chose to sleep with meant nothing as long as she was having fun.
Chloe nodded back, unsure what they were even nodding about. All she knew right now was that she wanted Beca closer. That she had so much more to say. But she had no idea where to begin.
"How many times do we have to lose a Riff Off until we realize we need to stop letting Amy start one at every party?" Beca laughed as she leaned backward until her back collided with the wall, turning to face Chloe. When she spotted the somber look on her face, she couldn't help but wonder if it was because of her. "You okay?"
Chloe nodded, a toothy grin appearing out of nowhere as she leaned in closer to Beca. "I am, but want to know what would make me even happier?"
Beca raised an eyebrow, and her mind flashed back to the first time they'd spent the night together. The way Chloe's ocean blue eyes dilated from both alcohol and arousal. As much as she hated to admit it, all of her anger that had been stirring inside of her for days quickly dissipated at the sight of Chloe looking at her like that again. She smiled back at her. "I can take a guess."
Chloe leaned in, their lips so close but refusing to touch. Just like that, Beca could feel her heart beginning to race like it did every time Chloe pulled her in closer. "I would be happier if I had my hands on you."
Beca's gaze fell from Chloe's eyes to her mouth. Instinctively, she licked her own lips and flicked her eyes back upward. She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol she'd consumed or just Chloe being Chloe or maybe it was just her own body needing this as badly as Chloe clearly wanted it. So what if Chloe thought of her as just another body beside her in bed? Was that really so bad? Right now, she just wanted Chloe's lips on hers.
"Well we wouldn't want you to be unhappy," Beca smirked as she felt Chloe tug her around a corner. There wasn't much need for them to be discreet anymore, but it was a force of habit.
With Beca's back against the wall and Chloe's tongue brushing softly over her own, her doubts melted away. She wondered why they'd both kept their distance for nearly a week – her hands were practically shaking now from holding back for so long, and they desperately needed to make up for lost time.
"Ch- Chloe," Beca breathed out. "I've missed you, too."
It was probably the closest Beca had ever come to admitting something like that out loud, but she'd blame it on the alcohol tomorrow. They both would.
"I really like the way this feels," Chloe admitted softly as Beca's hands raked down her back and slid under her shirt. "It makes the rest of it just feel so much better.
Beca paused, pulling back an inch as her eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
Chloe ignored Beca's question and leaned in to kiss gently along her collarbones.
"Chloe, what do you mean the rest of it feels better?" Beca straightened her posture, fighting the way heat was rushing through her in waves with each press of lips to her collarbones.
"You know," Chloe began as she finally stood upright and stopped kissing her. She smiled softly with bright eyes. "I don't usually do the whole feelings thing. Casual flings are just so much easier." She leaned in to kiss her again but Beca stopped her in her tracks.
"Wh–wait." Beca blinked, any remaining ounce of intoxication perishing away. "Feelings?"
Chloe nodded and shrugged, clearly still drunk as she reached out with grabby hands.
"I heard you on the phone with Aubrey." Beca's words were flat, and the sting of them made Chloe take a step back. "You know, when you told her that it was just sex and it was just who you are."
Chloe blinked and dropped her gaze for only a moment. "That was just to get Aubrey off my back. Did you really think I wanted a lecture from her on the dangers of letting your guard down and showing emotion or affection for anyone, ever?" Chloe titled her head, half annoyed that Beca actually believed that all Chloe wanted from her was ever just sex, and half annoyed with herself for not realizing sooner why Beca had been avoiding her all week. "Is this why you've been avoiding me?"
"Maybe we should end this." The pain of Beca's sad tone was nothing in comparison to the actual words as Chloe let them sink in.
"Wait, what? Why?" But Beca was already backing up. Chloe reached out and caught her by the wrist. "Beca, talk to me."
"Don't make me do this. Not here." She turned, and before Chloe could stop her, Beca was running.
"Beca!" Chloe slipped out of the party in a hurry and called out for Beca as she trailed her across campus. "Beca, wait!"
The quad was emptier than either of them had ever seen it, and Chloe was grateful for it as she raised her tone again and broke into a plea.
"Beca, can you please stop running and just talk to me?"
Turning sharply on the heel of her boot, Beca turned and Chloe practically ran into her. With Chloe's hands on her shoulders, Beca felt her chest deflate. "I don't want to do this!"
"Do what?" Chloe practically shouted in frustration. "I don't get it. You get angry when you think I'm just sleeping with you to get off but then you literally run away when I tell you I have feelings for you? What is your problem?"
"My problem? My problem is that I don't want to risk ruining our friendship. Look what happened ever since this stupid secret of ours came out? I don't want that!"
"You aren't going to ruin our friendship, Beca."
"It's been one week and I feel like I'm already losing you." She dropped down onto the grass and crossed her arms and her legs simultaneously. "I don't want that."
"So what?" Chloe started as she dropped down on the grass beside her. "We just go back to being friends and I pretend like I don't want to touch you? I'm not sure if it's that simple."
"Chloe, you're you– who's to say that you won't want someone else next week as soon as someone more exciting catches your eye and you bat your lashes at them and make them swoon?"
She probably should have taken offense to that. But, instead, Chloe laughed. "I've wanted this since the moment I met you. I've wanted you. And as for losing me? Do you really think you'll ever get rid of me? I can't even gather the courage to graduate because I refuse to leave you guys. No way, I'm apart of you for life. I'm practically inside of you at this point."
"Chloe," Beca laughed, wondering if Chloe always said stuff like this on purpose or if she truly did mean it innocently.
"I don't want to fight this anymore, Bec," her voice was soft and she leaned in and dropped her head on Beca's shoulder.
Beca drank in the moment. The silence surrounding them, the way they settled into these glimpses of stillness where the rest of the world seemed to fade away. Chloe's perfume flooded her nose and she thought back to how badly she ached for Chloe to be close to her just a few nights ago. She didn't ever want to feel that way again. She wanted Chloe nearer.
"I don't want to fight it, either." Beca lifted Chloe's chin and smiled at her before Chloe leaned in to capture her lips with her own.
"Let's go home," Chloe whispered against her ear.
"Under one condition," Beca stated as they climbed to their feet. "You'll sleep in my bed tonight. I've spent enough nights without you."