Chapter 2: Time Off
Sleep did not come easy that night but at least she was off the next day. The next morning, Izzie was splayed on the bathroom floor refusing to move or change. Everyone took turns watching her and making sure she was ok. Then Finn showed up and he knew that something had happened with Derek but still he wanted to keep on seeing her. Then Derek came too to tell her he loved her and she had a choice to make. Meredith's head was swimming in a pool of her own emotions and she just did not know what to do or what to think.
What was the right choice? How could she pick in a way that would not hurt anyone? Was there a way to not hurt anyone?
She lay in bed but once more sleep was just a joke. She tossed and turned all night. She thought about Finn and his plans and he was good for her. Then there was Derek and what he made her feel. Though after everything that had happened she was not sure the feelings were as strong as before. Finally there was Addison. She cursed at herself for feeling what she felt. Like how much more complicated did she need her life to get?
There were too many thoughts, way too many. She looked at the clock and it read 3:42 am. She knew she would not be getting any sleep so she got up from bed and went down to the living room to watch another one of her mother's surgeries. She heard Izzie in the kitchen a few minutes after plopping herself down on the couch. She knew it was her because the sounds of pans and the opening and shutting of the oven.
"Izzie?" Meredith called.
"I'm making muffins. Would you like some muffins? They'll be delicious." Izzie said not even looking at her.
"Sure Izzie. I'll eat some muffins." Meredith replied and opted to leave her friend alone.
She went back to the living room looking at the tv but not really seeing it, her brain still flooding with too many thoughts. Before she knew it the alarm on her cellphone was going off so with a groan she went back up to her room to get ready.
Addison stood on the threshold to Richard's office looking like a hot mess with a bucket hat. She wore five unmatched pieces of clothing with no makeup, her hair loose and messy. Richard was folding the blankets that were covering his couch as he noticed her.
"You've got coffee on your shirt." Richard said by way of greeting.
"You had a bed on your couch." She countered. "I need a day off to do some drinking."
"No laboring mothers today?" He asked sitting down and tapping the spot next to him on the couch.
"Nope. I think God knows I need to do some drinking. I also need to do some crying but I have proud tear ducts." She replied sitting down.
"You wanna talk about it, Addie, or do you just want to be glib a little while longer?" He asked knowingly.
"Why are you living in your office?" She asked by way of reply.
"Marriage is hard." He sighed heavily.
"Well... thank goodness mine seems just about over." She replied, tears stinging in her eyes.
"Go Addie. Take the day. But please be careful and don't drive." He said placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
Addison left the hospital and made her way to Joe's a little surprised no one noticed her. Just a little surprised because, who would notice her? Derek had not. Mark had for a while and then noticed someone else. Maybe she did but it was because she had made herself known to her.
"Joe! I need something to drink." She called as she sat at the bar.
"Doc you're here early." Joe said with a sad smile.
"Bet you already know. You always know." She said mirroring his sad smile.
"What would you like?" He asked.
"Hit me with your best shot." She chuckled. "Ha! Get it?"
"I got you Addison." Joe said and went to make her drink.
Cristina was beside herself when Meredith got there because Burke's parents had found her on top of him semi naked. At least her friend's mishap gave her a laugh which earned her a glare.
"Hey, it's not my fault. Stripper." Meredith said so only Cristina could hear.
"You're the one sleeping with two men." Cristina countered.
"I'm not sleeping with either one until I make a choice or they choose for me. This whole thing is tiring. Plus, I really don't want to hurt anyone." Meredith said gathering charts and getting ready for rounds.
"Someone is bound to get hurt, Mer. Ah the lovely cycle of life." Cristina responded with a smile.
"You are an awful person." Meredith laughed.
"And that's why I'm your person." Cristina said with a wink.
"Morning Dr. Bailey." George was the first to greet as per usual the rest following suit. Bailey just looked at them and walked away without a word.
-Ouch- Cristina mouthed to the rest as a collective sigh was released.
They all knew this mood would go on for a while. What they had done was not a good thing. Even if it was to help Izzie. So no one spoke as they followed the resident to start their rounds.
The last patient they rounded on was a neuro issue. He had a tumor pressing on his frontal temporal lobe, which was affecting his impulse control. Cristina presented as Derek stood next to Meredith continually stealing glances.
"Is that blonde your girlfriend? 'Cause the way you keep looking at her, you might as well just mount her right here and now." The patient stated nonchalantly.
Derek took a deep breath dropping the patient's gaze. Meredith's mouth formed a thin line as her embarrassment irradiated from her every pore. Cristina swallowed hard, looking away from Meredith. Alex and George tried to stifle a laugh as Bailey stared daggers at everyone in the room. After excusing themselves it was time for Bailey to give out assignments.
"Grey if you think you can keep your clothes on, to follow up the labs, I would appreciate it." Cristina squirmed more than Meredith at the statement. "Karev, cover the pit."
"Wait, the pit? I'm-I'm off gynie?" Alex said, sounding happy about it.
"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is out sick-" Bailey started and was interrupted by Meredith stepping forward.
"Sick? What's wrong with her?" Meredith asked worriedly.
"Yes, sick. I don't know what got her sick but I sure as hell did not ask because it's none of our business." Bailey bit out, making Meredith step back next to Cristina. "Yang and O'Malley go prep your patients. Don't make me regret setting you all loose."
"Am I supposed to be on someone's service today?" Meredith asked as everyone left.
"I already told you what to do." Bailey said exasperated.
"You said track down the labs." Meredith said quietly.
"Yes. Because you're on scut." Bailey said and noticed the questioning look on the intern's face. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"No. Of course not." Meredith replied quickly.
"You have logged too many hours so you can only work two more hours today and then you have to go home." Bailey explained rolling her eyes.
"But-" Meredith began to protest.
"No buts. Take the charts and go get those damn labs." Bailey said fixing the blonde with her signature 'do it or I'll end you' look. Meredith was off immediately.
The two hours had gone by rather quickly and Bailey all but shoved her out the door. Meredith did not know what to do but she was hungry so she opted to go get some food at the tiny restaurant down the street from the hospital.
As she finished eating she spotted Izzie coming out of Joe's so she paid and went to meet her friend who looked like she was waiting for a cab.
"Iz!" Meredith waved as Izzie turned to face her. "Hey, do you need a ride back home?" She asked.
"Yes. Why aren't you there?" She asked as she looked at the hospital.
"Too many hours so they're cutting some back. Come on get in." She said getting in the car.
The silence on the way home was unbearable but Meredith stuck knowing her friend needed it. They walked in and immediately Izzie went to the kitchen. Meredith followed and was in complete shock as she saw every counter and table covered in trays upon trays of muffins. It seemed Izzie was gearing to make more but she said nothing. She had no right to say anything about how people dealt with loss. She had gone on a one night stand spree when Derek had chosen Addison. So she really had no right.
Meredith once again tried to sleep but could not. She was worried, exhaustion was not good for a surgeon. She decided to read and try to lull herself to sleep like that but it did not work. Then she tried listening to some ambient music and it did not work either. Then she tried meditating but she could not focus on just one thing.
Giving up once more she went back down to check on the bakery. She found Izzie sitting at the table in deep thought. Meredith sat next to her bringing her out of her deep trance.
"Hey." Meredith started. "You close up shop?"
"I think I made too many. I even brought some to Joe." Izzie said her eyes traveling from one tray to the next.
"I'm sure he'll appreciate them. Your muffins are..." She took a bite of one. "Good." She muffled the rest.
"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd said that too." Izzie said softly, staring at the muffins.
"What?!" Meredith almost choked on her muffin.
"She was at Joe's and she ate a muffin. She was very drunk. Way too drunk for it being so early." Izzie said in a monotone voice.
"Izzie, why didn't you stay with her?" Meredith asked.
"I told Joe not to let her drive." Izzie said and got up leaving Meredith alone in the kitchen.
She debated what to do for a few minutes. She could talk to Bailey or Richard, since they were friends with her, to watch her. Or she could ask Derek to take care of her. After all, he was still her husband. But the problem was that she wanted to see her. She wanted to make sure the redhead was alright. So in the end she got her keys and left for Joe's.
The bell rang announcing her arrival. The bar was pretty much empty aside from three or four people. She scanned the bar but there was no sign of the redhead. Joe spotted her and called her over.
"Hey Meredith. What's going on? Shouldn't you be across the way?" Joe asked with a smile.
"Hey. I'm off." Meredith replied, still scanning the bar.
"Great. Can I get you something? Tequila?" He asked with a smile.
"No, thank you. I didn't come to drink." She said as her eyes travelled to the bathroom door waiting for it to open and reveal her but that did not happen.
"Then are you here to just hang out?" Joe asked, confused.
"No. Izzie said she was here. Addison." She started. "And that she's very drunk. Where is she?"
"She took a cab back to her hotel. I thought she'd stay here longer but she wanted to go." Joe informed her. "Say Mer did you come here to take care of her?" He asked.
"Oh uh, yeah. Maybe." Meredith responded a bit embarrassed. "Guess I'll go now."
"See you tomorrow?" Joe said with a smile.
"Possibly." Meredith smiled back and left.
Meredith got in her car but had no idea where to go. She knew she did not want to go back home and could not go to the hospital so she sat in the car for a while. From where she had parked she could see the main entrance to the hospital. Her hospital.
Seattle Grace Hospital, the place that had been more her home than her own house. She had grown up running around those halls. Sat in the attending's lounge coloring on old E.R. charts. She learned to read in the galleries as surgeries were performed below. She had hidden places everywhere where she'd go if her mother yelled at her, which happened a lot. Ellis Grey was not an easy woman, she had not wanted Meredith. The love of surgery far outweighed the love for her daughter. In a way Meredith understood now but not completely. Also as a child there was no way of comprehending that your mother did not want you because you got in the way of her work. At least for six years she had Thatcher even if after she had been totally and completely alone. Sometimes Thatcher would come to the rescue when Ellis began going off on her. He would pick up Meredith and take her away from the hospital.
There were some good times with her father though she only remembered a handful. One of those good times had been when Thatcher had arrived just as Ellis was getting ready to slap Meredith for drawing on a chart that was actually not old. Thatcher grabbed her hand just before it connected with her cheek. He did not speak, he just took Meredith's hand and left as Ellis shouted he did not have enough backbone to defend his daughter properly. The skies had been clear much like they were now so instead of driving home he took her to a park, which was where she had opted to go.
It was a short ride to said park. She had come before when she really needed to be alone. Having roommates took away the much needed solitude at the house, so this park was perfect. It was more or less hidden between the trees. There was a pond on one side of the park surrounded by wildflowers. Thatcher used to say that the fairies and elves had tea parties there but Meredith always shut it down as she thought more rationally about it all. Fairies were not real. She had dared speak of fairies once in front of her mother only to get an earful of how childish and ordinary she was, even though she was still a child. She brushed memories of her mother and father away as she walked along the edge of the pond, her attention on the flowers, unaware of green eyes following her movements.
"Meredith?" A voice called from the swings startling her.
"Addi-" Meredith stopped herself as she took in Addison sitting on a swing wearing unmatched clothes, slip ons, a bucket hat, and no makeup.
"I'm not going crazy. That's good to know." Addison said with a bitter smile.
"Are you ok? Shouldn't you be home?" Meredith asked as she approached the swings claiming one for herself.
"That's not home. That's a hotel. And the other place is a trailer." Addison slurred. "I told the cab driver to leave me here. But then I forgot I have no phone to call another one." She continued, laughing.
"So you're stuck here?" Meredith said watching her with wonder as the laughter had illuminated the redhead's face.
"So I'm stuck." Addison with a drunken smile.
"I'm sorry Addison. I'm so sorry." Meredith said looking ahead.
"Did you do something wrong? After you found out about me? After he took pity on me and chose me instead of you?" Addison asked, starting to swing.
"No." Meredith turned to her again quickly. "After he chose you that was it for me."
"Then don't apologize. He didn't tell you about me and then he chose me over you. Then knowing him, he persecuted you. I don't think any of this is your fault." Addison spoke softly.
"I'm still sorry." Meredith said watching as pinkish hues began to adorn the evening sky and some clouds began rolling in.
"This..." Addison said pointing at herself. "Is because of him and me too. You didn't do this."
"Right, maybe." Meredith said softly.
"Give me a push would you?" Addison asked and Meredith complied.
"Marriage is hard." Addison said out of nowhere.
"What?" Meredith asked, stopping.
"Marriage is hard. But it's good I'm not going to be married much longer. Who knows? Maybe I will find the real love of my life. Along with pixies and fairies." Addison laughed as Meredith sat back on her swing.
"This is the place to find those pixies and fairies. Or at least that's what my father used to say." Meredith said not quite catching what she inferred by it until a few minutes later.
'Oh god... did I just say she'd find the love of her life here? Did she catch that? I'm the only one here too. Oh god.' Meredith dared look at Addison to see if she had noticed but found her looking forward with a smile as she swung.
"Addison?" Meredith called her a while later noticing the redhead had fallen asleep. She had absolutely no idea how she was asleep yet had not fallen off the swing.
"Addison?" She called again a little louder.
"What?! Ahhh." Addison woke up startled and almost fell. If it had not been for Meredith she would have fallen.
"Got you." Meredith said as she steadied her.
"I'm still really really drunk." Addison stated earning a chuckle from Meredith. "And... the sky is angry. And... your eyes are pretty."
"You are very drunk. Why don't I get you home?" Meredith asked. "Rain is coming."
Just as she finished the sentence she felt the prickle of a raindrop, then another and another until it started coming down in buckets. She grabbed Addison by the hand and they both ran to her car. Addison was laughing the whole way, Meredith just smiled as she heard her.
"In you go. Buckle up." Meredith said as she opened and closed the door to the passenger seat.
"I like the rain today." Addison said as Meredith got in the driver's seat.
"Just today?" Meredith asked, starting the car and turning on the heat.
"Let the rain... wash away, all the pain of yesterday..." Addison half spoke half sang those words and giggled.
"Did you just quote a song?" Meredith smiled at her.
"Yep. Fitting, don't you think?" Addison smiled.
"Right... well let's get you to your hotel so you can get out of those wet clothes." Meredith said, starting to pull out.
"Take me out to dinner first. Or at least coffee." Addison laughed.
"Huh?" Meredith replied quite embarrassed as a blush creeped up her neck and to her cheeks.
"I'm at the Archfield." Addison said, already distracted.
"Umm right." Meredith turned her attention to the road and began heading to the hotel.
"I'm lonely and cold." Addison said as she looked out the window and the statement made Meredith ache.
"You are not alone. You have Richard and Bailey and..." Meredith stopped herself 'me'.
"And?" Addison pushed.
"And I'm sure you'll have even more people." Meredith recovered quickly.
"Oh." Addison said in a sad tone. "I thought you'd say I have you too." Meredith's breath caught as Addison said that.
"You do have me." Meredith said as soon as she was able to form sentences again.
"Really? I have Meredith Grey. I have Meredith Grey." Addison chanted. "We're here!" She said, her face pressed against the window, as they pulled in.
Meredith drove up to the double doors to let Addison off. The redhead looked at her with a smile but did not move to open the door and leave.
"Something wrong?" Meredith asked.
"Come up with me?" Addison said smiling as Meredith's eyes went wide.
'I can't. There's no way. I cannot go up there. Things are already too complicated. I can't. Am I even breathing? Calm down Mer. She just needs help getting up there. You can just ask the doorman. It's ok. Calm down.' Meredith's heart raced. 'This is stupid. You don't feel anything. You can't feel anything. You'll just get her to her room and that's it. That's all.'
"Sure. I'll come up with you."
And then there were 2. Yay! Thinking of doing updates for this one between Wednesdays and Thursdays, we'll see. Hope you enjoyed it. As you can see there were some mentions from season 3 episode 2. Until next week. Breathe on the other hand should be up Sunday. Remember to review ok. ;)