AN: Trigger warnings to things are present. Don't like don't read.
I don't own Rizzoli & Isles. I just borrow them and some dialogue at times.
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Jane sat at her desk in the bullpen as she searched through the casefile that was sitting in front of her. Frost was typing furiously on his computer as his scowl deepened, and she took the last swallow of her coffee. She'd much rather be at home right now, with her fiancé, spending the only morning they'd had off together in bed like she had originally planned.
Instead, Maura had gotten called out and she didn't want to spend the day alone in bed. So, she had dragged herself into BPD with a large cup of coffee and an attitude no one could compete with. She knew everyone preferred her when she was with Maura, namely because her attitude was perfectly sarcastic and witty, instead of sour and snarky.
She blamed Maura for making her act better, making her so deliriously happy that nothing could burst her bubble. She would never admit to anyone exactly why she was on her best behavior when the blonde Doctor was around, that was personal and between her and Maura.
She picked up her cell phone and dialed Maura's number as Frost glanced over at her, "What's with that smile? I thought you were pissed for the Doc being called into work."
She forced the smile away, "I am. I was just remembering something." When Maura's voicemail sounded in her ear she grimaced before tossing her cell phone back on her desk asking, "Do we have anything on the two in the morgue?"
Frost nodded, "John O'Rourke and Clive Emmerson. I just got prints back. They have records longer than should be possible. They date back to the early seventies."
She frowned as she glanced down at the file in front of her and Korsak asked from across the room, "Name's sound familiar."
Frost nodded, "Petty theft, gun running, most of it was tied to Lucchese but was never proven. They didn't talk and did quite a few stints in prison for the Boss."
Korsak leaned a hip against Jane's desk, "When did they get out?"
Frost typed on the computer for a moment then sat back in shock, "Three months ago. They were going to turn states evidence and testify against Lucchese."
A loud beep emanated from Frost's computer and he leaned forward, typing furiously on his keyboard, "What the hell?"
Jane's head snapped up, "What is it?"
"I've been blocked from their records." Frost slammed his hand down on the desk, "Fucking FBI."
"Someone say FBI?" Special Agent Gabriel Dean said from the doorway.
Jane turned to look over at him, anger coursing through her body. She couldn't stand Dean and more importantly she knew that Maura Isles didn't hate anyone, except Dean was the exception. The man could never take the hint that she wasn't interested in him, that Maura was the only person for her. She knew her fiancé would be angry the moment Maura found out he was here, and she couldn't stop herself from wanting to avoid that fight.
"Does Maura know you're here?" She blurted out, her hand hovering above her desk phone.
His sudden smirk made her anger intensify, "Yep. In fact, I've been with her since our crime scene this morning and throughout the autopsy all day."
"You've been with Maura all day? She would have called me." She snapped angrily as she rose from her chair.
Dean shrugged, "Confidentiality and all that pesky FBI business, you know. Anyway, she finished with my autopsy and I got word you were running a few names that I'm acquainted with. Care to share?"
She snatched her cell phone off the desk and hit Maura's speed dial. When it went to voicemail again, she shook her head at him, "You going to share?"
He sighed as he walked towards her, "You know I wish I could Jane."
Korsak bristled angrily, "That's Detective Rizzoli."
Jane loved how much Korsak had rallied around her and Maura and their relationship over the last year. He had been the first one to shout 'Finally' when their relationship had come to light. Even when they fought or argued he was the first one to shove them back together, going so far as to lock them in a room together until they worked it out. She would forever be grateful to him for it.
Dean grimaced, "What is it about Doctor Isles that all of you are so enraptured with? The woman is a headcase."
Frost and Korsak seemed to move a split second before the words registered in Jane's brain. She felt the anger surge forward as her body moved seemingly on its own. Korsak wrapped his arms around her waist as Frost gripped her arms, her eye nailed on Dean's arrogant face.
Korsak glared at the FBI Agent, "Is there any actual reason you are here other than to antagonize the best Detective in Boston?"
Dean shook his head with a sigh, "I came because of the search on my witness's. Why are you running them?"
Frost glared at him as Korsak struggled to drag Jane further away from the Agent, "They are the two bodies in our morgue that Doctor Isles still has to autopsy thanks to you."
Dean's face went pale as he nodded, "Right." He spun on his heel and disappeared out the doorway.
Jane shrugged Korsak off, "I'm fine." She snatched her phone off the desk again and dialed Maura's number, "Where the hell is she?"
She stormed to the elevators as her mind raged against Dean's appearance in their lives. Every time the man came around, she always ended up in an argument with Maura. It always seemed like that's what Dean lived to do when he was in Boston and it always worked.
She stepped onto the elevator and shook her head, shoving her finger into the button for the basement. She hated that the creep could easily get under hers and Maura's skin but there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't just ask Maura to not work with him, she was the best Medical Examiner. Everyone was always tripping over themselves to get to work with her.
Back when Maura had first started working cases, Detective Crowe had been the same way. He continuously hit on Maura and begged for her to come to his crime scenes just to work with her. As her relationship with Maura grew closer, she hated the jealously she felt when Maura would go to his case before coming to hers. It was one of the reason's she had let Maura in on her secret, trying to keep the blonde close to her without actually dealing with her feelings.
The elevator doors opened, and two large men held their hands up to stop her. The one to her left rested his hand on his weapon, "Name?"
"Detective Jane Rizzoli. Where's Doctor Isles?" She asked harshly.
The man on her right shook his head, "Indisposed. Only authorized personnel are allowed down here right now, and Detectives are not on the list. I'm sorry ma'am."
She didn't know what ruffled her more, the ma'am or the fact that Detectives were not allowed in their own morgue, "Why not?"
The man on her left relaxed his stance, "We were just given orders that no one is allowed down here right now. We will find Doctor Isles and have her call you Detective Rizzoli."
She shook her head, "I need to see her now."
Agent Dean appeared between the two Agents, "She's not here. I've been looking for her since I came down here."
She frowned, "You said she was down here."
He frowned at her, "She was. I had just left her when I came up to talk to you. She was putting a body in a drawer."
She glared at him, "If anything has happened to her, I will personally come after you Gabriel." She punched the number of her floor.
She dialed Maura at least ten times before she exited the elevator and hurried into the bullpen, "Frost track Maura's phone."
Without question he rushed into the BRICK and began the search as Korsak pulled his phone out, "What's up?"
She knew he was calling Maura and she couldn't help but smile, "They aren't letting anyone down in the morgue and Dean said that Maura isn't there. He's looking for her too."
Korsak frowned as he dialed the ME again, "She wouldn't just disappear without letting someone know where she is."
She shook her head, "No but she's also been hiding the fact that she's sick from me."
Korsak's head snapped up, "What? Doc doesn't get sick."
"I know." She shook her head as she sat in her desk chair, fear and panic swirling around her mind, gripping her chest tightly, "I've heard her a few times in the morning when she thinks I'm still asleep and I caught her a few times down in the morgue. I thought only Frost vomited in the sink down there but…"
She shook her head as she began to rub the scars on her hands, anxiety begging to take hold as Korsak dialed Maura's number again, "Why isn't she telling you? We all get sick."
She nodded, "Yes but this Maura. Even in her own words she doesn't get sick." When Korsak shook his head again she began to pace the length of the room, "I don't like this."
Frost exited the BRICK office and shook his head, "The last tower ping was near here and that was an hour ago. Her phone must be off. I can't track it until it comes back on."
She felt her heartbeat rapidly, painfully in her chest, "I'll call the hospitals. Korsak call Frankie and tell him to try Maura and to get Ma on the calls."
Korsak nodded, his phone already to his ear as Frost turned back to BRICK, "I'll keep an eye on her phone so when it comes back on, I can pinpoint her location."
She smiled at her partner, "Thanks Frost."
Frost grinned at her, "Hey I love the Doc and a happy Doc makes a happy Jane Rizzoli."
She stuck her tongue out at him as he laughed and hurried back into the BRICK office while she dialed the first hospital on the list.
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Jane Rizzoli walked into BPD with her head held high and dark circles under her eyes. She hadn't slept the night before, tossing and turning in the large bed that was too cold and empty and the nightmare had been unbelievably real. It had been for the last, almost five years. Ever since…
She shook her head as she hit the button to the elevator. She refused to think about it. Refused to think about the date that was quickly approaching her like an out-of-control train that was about to derail, and she was powerless to stop it.
Three days.
Three days from now would mark five long years since she lost her world, the love of her life, her fiancé. In three days', time all the anguish from the past was going to collided with her, collided with where she had lost everything she had ever wanted in her life.
She hated this time of the year and she knew her attitude was the hardest to handle this time of the year. Korsak, Frankie and Frost hated working with her this time of the year, but they also knew it was the hardest time of the year for her.
Fall was supposed to be the time of the year where they would watch the leaves change colors as they walked hand in hand through the parks that dotted the city. The time where they would curl up on the sofa in front of the fireplace in the townhouse because the chill in the air would make her fiancé colder than usual. the time of the year that family dinners would grow even more boisterous due to the quickly approaching holidays.
The holidays she wanted more than anything to avoid now. Especially Christmas, the day she proposed to the woman she wanted to spend every minute of eternity with.
She shook her head as she exited the silence of the elevator. Silence was no longer her friend. It was there to torment her, to taunt her with the unknown, the what ifs. She knew that of all things that had changed that night she had been the biggest change. She didn't trust anyone anymore. She didn't let anyone close now, even keeping her own mother at arm's length.
Angela had taken the hint after a year and finally gave her space. They didn't talk as much anymore and the idea of a Sunday family dinner had long been abandoned since her partner, her lover, wasn't there with her anymore. She didn't like when people touched her anymore and Frankie had learned the hard way.
She had always been so close to him over the years but when she disappeared, something inside of herself broke. Something inside her disappeared, her heart disappeared. She stopped caring so much and the first time Frankie had tried to grab her, he found himself on the floor out cold for a solid five minutes. She had felt a little guilty but, in all honesty, she had warned him twice not to touch her.
No one could touch her anymore.
She entered the bullpen to the usual hustle and bustle of the Boston Homicide unit. Korsak held his desk phone between his shoulder and ear as he typed on the computer. Frost was nowhere to be seen as she made her way to her desk, an underlying layer of anger pulsating through her body. She hadn't been able to shake the anger and fear after her nightmare the night before, but she had managed to turn the fear into more anger.
She sat in her chair and her eyes landed on the only photo on her desk. The dark wood frame had been a gift from the woman in the photo with her. It had been taken the Christmas before she disappeared. She had just proposed to the blonde and was holding her from behind as they smiled happily at the camera. She hadn't been able to put it away. She couldn't bear the thought of it not being on her desk, where she could reach out and run her finger across the most important person to her.
It had made her still feel connected to the woman. It made her feel like Maura was still alive.
At this point, nearly five years later she knew the odds of finding Maura alive were slim and it made everything so much worse this time. There was no hiding from the pain this time. No hiding from the facts. She's a Homicide Detective for fucks sake, she knows how these things usually ended within the first forty-eight hours.
She felt the tears burn her eyes and she forced herself to look away from the woman in the photo, and over to the man across the room, "Call out?"
Korsak shook his head at her as he focused back on typing, "Yes and where exactly was that?"
She frowned at the man, his hair greyer than it had been years before, his temples pure white now. He had been amazing through all her ups and downs and had been there for her during some of the hardest parts of her life. He had been more of a father to her than Frank Sr. and that was an entirely different subject she didn't want to think about.
Frost rushed into the bullpen from BRICK and slammed a paper down on Korsak's desk, "I've got it. It came back on and I triangulated the tower pings. It's out near Quincy Bay."
Korsak's face paled even as he spoke to the person on the phone, "Thank you for your time ma'am." He hung up the phone and grabbed his blazer off the back of his chair, "Let's go."
She frowned at her partners, "What's going on? I thought you said we didn't have a call out."
Korsak hesitated for a moment before sighing heavily, "It was a tip. A woman called to say she saw someone that looks like…" He cleared his throat as the emotion welled up, "The Doc."
That had been the major change that she saw in Korsak. She didn't know just how close Maura and Korsak had been over the years until Maura went missing. Korsak couldn't say her name just as much as she couldn't and up until a few months ago she hadn't even been able to think of the woman's name. It had always been her fiancé, lover, partner, love of her life. Never Maura. Not until a few months ago.
Frost pulled his dark blue blazer on and spoke, pulling her out of her thoughts, "Doctor Isles' cell phone came back on an hour ago and it was moving fast. I've got it narrowed down to-"
Jane felt her heart drop into her stomach as her blood ran cold, "Quincy Bay." She was on her feet instantly as Cavanaugh hit the button for the elevator.
He glanced at her, his own fear reflected in his eyes back at her, "Frost can ride with me."
She nodded at her Lieutenant as they all stepped silently onto the elevator. Her mind whisked back to all the tips they had received when Maura had gone missing originally. They had personally gone out on all of them, the entire department pitching in. Maura had worked with almost everyone in the department over the years and she was well liked and respected by everyone.
It had amazed her how many people had rallied around her to help find Maura. The manhunt that went into place for the missing Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts had been the big news for a year. Statewide they had Maura's people looking into leads, but when the Governor had called all of it off, she had been livid.
She could still remember the day she had stormed into the capital building and demanded to see the man that was her fiancés boss, the man that had ended the search for the woman she was in love with. He had been guarded and she knew he was keeping something from her. He wasn't answering her questions fully and he would dodge all that he could.
She had a sense that he either knew what happened to Maura or that he had been involved in it. She had tried in vain for the passed few years to prove that he was involved but at every turn he would put a stop to it, even using threats to stop her. At the time he didn't know Jane Rizzoli and she had pushed harder than he could.
Still nothing had come of it and now she may very well be heading out to a body that belonged to her fiancé. She wasn't sure she was ready to face it, but then she also knew she would never have peace until she knew the truth of what happened to Maura. It was a catch twenty-two for her.
She approached Wollaston Beach slowly, the fear and dread building faster with every step she made. Could she accept this if this were it? Could she handle it if it weren't? Would she feel relief if this turned out to just be a phone, or if the body weren't Maura's?
Her chest tightened and the air to her lungs seemed to be choked off. Korsak didn't attempt to touch her, which she was grateful for. She stood straight and saw Cavanaugh and Frost in the distance, near the waters edge. Police tape had been strung along the beach for space so civilians couldn't get anywhere near the body.
She felt the bile rise in her chest as she saw the bloated hand of the body, resting on the sand. The greyish skin having been stretched from it's time in the water. She couldn't move forward as the thought of walking over there and seeing Maura's disfigured face staring back at her, raced across her mind. It was imprinted in her mind. The image of what Maura would look like if they had ever found her.
If she had been dead when they found her had haunted her nightmares and her waking hours as the years have passed, and she wasn't sure she could handle it if it turned out to be true. She felt her legs shake beneath her and she crouched at the edge of the asphalt, her eyes glued to the scene below her near the water's edge. She rubbed her hands, the scars start reminders of her real-life nightmare not coming close in comparison to this.
If she had thought that Hoyt was an ordeal, then this is Hell.
This would be her hell if that turned out to be her beloved down there, surrounded by officers and Techs. She spotted Susie Chang bent over with her hands on her knees, breathing heavily. The senior lab tech wiped her face before turning and scanning the area, her eyes landing on Jane.
She stared at the woman that had been a friend to Maura since her first day in the lab. Susie had always said how much she admired Maura and how much she wanted to learn from her. Maura had made it her mission to teach the woman as much as she could, because she genuinely liked the tech.
Susie moved towards her as quickly as she could, the sand hindering the shorter woman, "It's not her Jane."
She felt her body collapse to the hot asphalt, landing on her butt in her work suit. The relief flooded her body, mind, and soul instantly and she suddenly felt how very tired she was. It wasn't her Maura. It wasn't her. The words echoed through her mind as her eyes drifted back towards the poor woman that was dead, another Jane Doe to add to the morgue.
She shook her head as her eyes burned with tears, but the need to release her emotions was not outdone by the fact that she was surrounded by co-workers and the public. She took a few deep breaths and shook her head before rising to her feet, squaring her shoulders and nodding at Susie.
"Thank you, Chang."
Susie nodded, her face pale, "Crowe claimed this one so you all can head back."
She nodded as her cell phone rang on her hip. She turned back towards the car as she frowned at the phone, "Why is Ma calling?"
Korsak shrugged, "She should be on shift at the bar this morning."
She answered the phone quickly, "Hey Ma." A loud sob broke the silence around them, and she frowned, "Ma? What's wrong? Take a breath and talk to me."
Angela's sobs slowed as they entered the car and she set a course for the Dirty Robber. Angela spoke in a rushed tone and through her sobs, but she couldn't make sense of it, "Ma calm down and take a deep breath. Are you alright?"
Angela hiccupped and blurted one word, "Maura!"
Korsak eyed her curiously as he frowned, unsure of what was going on.
She felt her heart drop again as she frowned, "It wasn't her Ma. How did you hear about that anyway?"
Angela took a shaky breath again, "No Janie. Maura is alive. Here in the bar."
She felt her heart lodge into her throat, her hands shaking violently as she slammed her foot down on the gas and Korsak flipped their PD lights on.