August 2023, New York.

"Guilt upon the conscience, like rust upon iron, both defiles and consumes it, gnawing and creeping into it, as that does which at last eats out the very heart and substance of the metal."

Bucky didn't remember where he knew it from - perhaps he'd read it somewhere, before everything - and he couldn't explain, or even really understand, why it had suddenly popped into his head. Though, if he thought about it, he knew the answer would be easy to find.

And so he chose not to think about it.

He'd pushed the guilt down for long enough, he could manage it for a little longer.

Bucky couldn't stop his gaze from drifting over to her, her own eyes fixed firmly on the TV as she sang along quietly to the movie, her sock covered toes wiggling along to the beat. He smiled.

"I can feel you staring at me."

Bucky coughed, quickly diverting his stare back to the screen and scratching the back of his neck. "Uh, sorry," he mumbled.

Jas turned to him with an apologetic look on her face. "Is my singing distracting you? I'm sorry, I can stop, I just really love this movie. Sharon and I - we went to see it a whole bunch of times when it was first released. We even got Nat to watch it because we forced a sleepover on her. She pretended to hate it, but she was singing Dancing Queen for like a week afterwards."

"You're not distracting me, Jasmine," Bucky assured her.

"Okay, well, if I'm not distracting you stop staring at me and pay attention, then," she threw a cushion at him and Bucky caught it instantly with his left hand, smirking when she rolled her eyes in obvious annoyance. "I'm supposed to be educating you on current events!"

"I'm not sure a movie from fifteen years ago about songs from the seventies counts as current events."

Jas threw another cushion at him, this one hitting him square in the chest with a soft thwack. "You will not disrespect ABBA, Mamma Mia, or Meryl Streep like that in my apartment."

"I don't know who Meryl Streep is."

Jas groaned, covering her face with her hands. "I'll teach you the actors names as well, but you just gotta watch the movie first. There's another one of her movies on our list for this weekend and it's so good - I think she might be my idol, y'know?"

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay, I'll watch the movie. I'll pay attention."

Jas watched him for a few seconds, before nodding her head and turning her attention back to the TV, resting her cheek against her knees which were pulled up to her chest.

It took Bucky all of ten minutes before he was glancing back at her out of the corner of his eye, her humming along to the music stealing his attention once again.

Love hadn't been at the forefront of his mind when he had come back. Nothing had, really, but especially not love. He hadn't been loved in such a long time, hadn't loved anyone else, hadn't been granted the ability to. He hadn't really thought himself capable of it anymore.

His heart left to rust every time he was thawed, years of being used to hurt other people, of being tortured and then forgotten about until he was needed again.

To love someone was so human, and Bucky had thought at first that he didn't deserve it anymore. He didn't deserve to feel the kind of happiness, the sense of belonging in finding someone to love and who loves who back. Damaged, is what Sam had called him. Bucky barely held back a snort; he never imagined he'd be agreeing with Sam Wilson, albeit silently. But Jasmine loved him. She was his friend.

Steve had loved him, too, no matter what other people thought. Bucky knew he had. His friend had risked everything for him, after all, to make sure he was safe and to get him back to himself, ever the stubborn hero. He figured that's what made him feel so guilty now - Steve had made him promise to look after Jasmine before he left, made Bucky swear to keep an eye on her and make sure she was okay because, no matter the decision he made that said otherwise, Steve had loved her.

"You're staring again."

Bucky smiled this time, keeping his eyes on her as she turned to face him. "Sorry."

"It is my singing, isn't it?" Jas asked with a sigh. "I'm sorry. I really will stop this time."

"I don't mind your singing."

"Steve hated it," she continued, almost as if she hadn't heard Bucky's rebuttal. "He wouldn't even watch this movie with me after the third attempt, he preferred to sit in silence to fully take it in, y'know? Although, I'm not sure Mamma Mia requires someone's full attention," Jas paused, pursing her lips and picking at a thread on her leggings. "I think maybe it just annoyed him," she admitted quietly, a small, sad smile on her face.

Bucky thought Steve was an idiot, then. Punk. He wished he could get in touch with the bug guy to send him back in time so Bucky could kick his best friend's ass for making Jasmine think anyone could find anything she did annoying. Bucky found every single thing she did completely endearing; she had such a good heart, so full of love for everyone in her life. If he wasn't like a hundred years old, Bucky would punch Steve square in the jaw.

"Jasmine. I don't mind your singing. I quite like it, actually, it just means you're enjoying the movie and that's a good thing," he insisted, and the smile she gave him made his heart grow at least three times its normal size. "Steve was a dumbass," Bucky scoffed, and Jas' smile froze on her face as she raised an eyebrow questiongly. "I mean, he had to be, right? To leave you."

She grinned. "You sweet on me, Barnes?" she asked, and his eyes widened slightly as she laughed. "I used that right, didn't I? He tried to teach me some old timey sayings when I tried to teach him ones from this century."

"Yeah," Bucky rubbed at his chin. "Yeah, you used it right."

"Good!" she nodded. "That's probably my favourite one, it just sounds cute. Better than saying I like you or I think you're hot or whatever. 'I'm sweet on you' just has a better ring to it."

"Uh-huh," he nodded his head, his eyes darting to her before he gestured towards the TV. "You're, uh, missing the movie."

Jas blinked. "Right, yes! The movie. Uhm, so, this next scene is when they're getting ready for the wedding, and it's my favourite scene and song, and I nearly always cry so just… Don't be alarmed if my eyes start leaking," she told him, pointing the remote at the screen and turning the volume up a few notches. Bucky smirked.

He was in love with a dork.

"Do you want to get married?"

"What, to you?"

He balked, his eyes widening and his cheeks growing warm as he shook his head furiously and Jas laughed at him. He liked making her life, liked the way it made something warm bloom in his chest, and so he let out an awkward chuckle of his own.

"I meant in general!" he clarified.

"I don't know," Jas paused, humming in thought. "I used to, when I was a kid, you know? Isn't that what every little girl does? Dreams of the day she finds someone who'll love her forever and she'll get to wear a pretty dress and get presents while she basks in the attention of their collective friends and family? But… I don't know. Not so much anymore. Maybe I would if Meryl Streep was there and I got to run around a Greek island singing ABBA songs for a few days."

"Sounds exhausting."

"That's because you're a boring old man," Jas scoffed, reaching over to shove at his shoulder and demanding he let her watch the rest of the movie in silence. He held his left hand up in surrender and he mimed zipping his lips shut with his right, his eyebrows raised.

He did as she asked, staying silent and actually paying attention to the movie, to her favourite scene. Soon enough, Bucky heard her sniffling and smiled fondly, lifting his drink to his lips for something to do to keep himself from glancing over at her. Out of the movies she'd made him watch since he'd come back, this one had to be top of his list; not because he liked it or thought it was particularly good (though he would never admit that to Jasmine), but because he loved the way she reacted to it. The way her face had lit up, her eyes sparkling when he'd agreed to watch it and she'd grabbed his hand to pull him over to the sofa, a bowl of popcorn already on the coffee table because she had known he'd say yes. He loved it because, even though he knew she'd watched it countless times, it had gripped her the second it had started to play and she laughed as though it was the first time she was seeing it. He loved it because it made her happy.

Steve really was an idiot.

It took him a few minutes to notice the way Jasmine kept sending him sideways glances and he ignored it at first, but when she looked at him a little bit longer during a song, he kept his own eyes fixed on the television as he spoke.

"Now who's staring?"

Her cheeks flushed, and she laughed softly. "Sorry. Just- what you said before, about Steve…"

"Being an idiot?"

"Well, I believe you said dumbass, but yeah," Jas tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"What about it?"

"I… Did you- did you mean it? Do you really think he was dumb for leaving me?"

"Yes," Bucky answered instantly. "Absolutely."

"Okay."

Bucky paused for a beat, leaning forward to place his empty glass on the coffee table. "Jasmine…" he started. "Steve leaving, it had nothing to do with you, you know that don't you? I mean- it wasn't because of you, it wasn't anything you did and it doesn't mean he didn't love you. I know he loved you. He just…"

"He just loved her more."

Bucky sighed. "He was just stuck. Never got a real shot with her, you know? He just decided it was time to be selfish and- like I said. Idiot. I'm sorry he hurt you."

"You don't have to say sorry. He hurt you, too."

"It's different."

"Maybe," Jas shrugged, her attention stolen as the movie credits began to roll. "Anyway. It doesn't matter, he's gone and he's not coming back, so…"

"…So what movie are we watching next, then?" Bucky changed the subject when he noticed how she turned away from him, a sure sign she was about to shut herself off - he should know, he'd done it himself enough times. Turning to him with a grin, she waved a DVD in his face and he groaned loudly. "There's a second Mamma Mia movie?!"

This chapter got away from me a bit - it's not exactly what I had planned, butt here we go. Bucky needs some fun in his life, and Mamma Mia IS fun.

Let me know what you think!

Becca

tumblr: ben-bcrnes
twitter: acabecca