Chapter 2: Do You Trust Me?

Elena shot up in the middle of the night covered in a sheen of sweat. Every night, she was plagued with the same dreams that left her sleepless. Tonight, it was the screams of her daughters and Klaus' merciless laughter that haunted her. She ran a hand over her face and tried to calm her racing heart. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a slight movement on the far side of the room. At some point during the night, Damon must have taken up residence on the single seat sofa that sat by the window. The moonlight peeked through the curtains, covering him in an illuminated glow as he stirred in his sleep. It didn't seem like he was having a restful sleep either based on the deep frown that pulled his brows together.

She couldn't even believe he was here. Why, after all this time, did he choose now to come back? If Bonnie could never get through to him then, what changed? What was even doing? She saw what Damon was capable of without his humanity, and she could only imagine the destruction he had left in his wake with no one to reign him in. She'd be lying to herself if she didn't admit she'd thought about what filled his days over the last few years; sometimes when she was making dinner, or when her and Aaron were cuddled on the couch watching a movie, Damon would pop into her mind and she'd envision him halfway around the world living it up in fancy villas, with girls draped all over him, having the time of his life. It was easier to think that he was happy without her. It made her feel better about being happy without him. She loved her life with Aaron; it was normal and loving and safe. But it was missing the excitement and the danger that swept her up off her feet when she met Damon. She fell in love with him without even realizing it. One day, she just knew she couldn't live without him. When they fought, it was passionate and when they made up it was wild; he showed her adventure and she showed him love. They risked their lives for each other time and time again and there was no question about it. Damon and Elena were consumed by a furious blaze. She and Aaron were quite the opposite. It was a slow burn; simple, sweet, little to no conflict, and at the time it was what she needed. Elena needed the stability and the dependability that life brought her.

Flipping the blankets off her legs, Elena silently crept to the en suite bathroom, mindful not to wake the sleeping vampire. She barely recognized the woman in the mirror staring back at her. She definitely didn't see the girl she was when Damon first walked into her life; unjaded, fearless, full of life. Years of losing the ones she loved had beaten her down and taken her spirit. Elena stripped down and ran herself a hot shower, hoping that it would relieve the tension and stress that corded her muscles. How did she get here? The last nine years seemed to pass by in such a blur that the night Damon left her heartbroken in the parlor room of the boarding house seemed like another life. While she was changing diapers and making bottles, was Damon tearing hearts and ripping throats out?

She had no idea how long she was in there; she had been so lost in her own thoughts. With a deep sigh, Elena turned off the taps and grabbed a towel off the hook, wrapping it around her body before stepping out of the glass shower. She blow-dried her hair, and without a second thought, she headed back into her bedroom, stopping dead in her tracks when she saw Damon standing looking out the bay window with his arms crossed over his chest. All she could see was the rigidity of his muscular back, but she could tell he was deep in thought. He glanced over his shoulder, his eyes scanning her from top to bottom.

"Sorry…I forgot to grab my robe." she mumbled, gripping the towel closer to her chest, bowing her head and padding to the walk-in closet.

He turned back to the window, giving her privacy. "Nothing I haven't seen before." he uttered casually, but it carried a hollow tone and lacked his usual humor.

A few minutes later, Elena came out in yoga pants and loose fitting knit sweater eying him cautiously. "You okay?"

He finally turned to her, offering her a half smile. "You cut your hair. I like it." He stated, evading her question.

She ran a hand over her shoulder length hair self-consciously with an embarrassed smile. "Oh, uh…yeah. Between working at the hospital and being a full-time mom, it was just easier."

The smile on his face grew and became more genuine. "You're a doctor?" There were many times she had talked his ear off about how she wanted to follow in her father's footsteps.

"Resident." Elena corrected. "You didn't answer my question. Are you okay?" She stepped toward him, with a slight tilt of her head.

"I'm sorry…I should have come back years ago. Maybe all of this could have been avoided." These thoughts had been eating away at him all night.

"It doesn't matter now. What's done is done…" she said quietly, busying herself with straightening her bed so she didn't have to look him in the eye. "How did you even know where to find me?"

Damon fished in his jean pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and handed it to her. "I found this in my pocket one day. It had this address on it."

Elena grabbed it, studying the familiar handwriting and her lips puled in a tight smile. "Bonnie."

"She's persistent." He smirked, but it quickly fell. "Something told me I couldn't ignore her this time."

"I'm glad you didn't." She admitted, subconsciously twisting the ring on her finger, letting her head bow. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Damon. I feel so helpless…I'm their mother, and I can't even protect them. They must be so scared." Her voice was strained and her face crumbled at the thought.

Damon quickly closed the distance and pulled her into his arms, resting his chin on the top of her head. He let her cry into his chest for as long as she needed. It pained him to see her this way, and all he wanted to do was ease her heartache. "We'll find them."

"How?" She muttered weakly, pulling away to glance up at him. "We've tried everything from the police to magic and nothing has worked. I don't even know if they're on this side of the world let alone this country! Klaus could have taken them anywhere by now. I failed them…" Elena dropped to the edge of the bed and tunneled her hands through her hair.

He stood in front of her, slowly dropping to a crouch and pulling her hands down to hold them in her lap. "Elena…I will do whatever I have to, to bring your daughters home, but I need you to promise me something." She glanced up and gave him a small nod. "Be strong. Don't ever surrender, no matter how hopeless you feel or how grim things seem. You're Elena Gilbert; you're a fighter, you are one of the strongest people I know and I'll be damned if I sit back and watch you give up now."

She narrowed her eyes and her lips curled up in a weak smile. "I seem to recall a particular fight where you said otherwise." It was one of the worse fights they'd had; a time she almost thought they were done for good. Stefan had just died, and Damon was barely holding on by a thread. She thought about that day more often than she cared to admit, wondering if maybe she had reacted differently, or given him the space she should have, then things would be different. Maybe he wouldn't have flipped his switch, and everything that transpired after could have been avoided.

.

She cautiously walked over, and sat in the chair across from him, trying to catch his eyes, but he seemed to be looking right through her. Elena opened her mouth, but stopped unsure of what to say. Asking him if he was okay was stupid, because he obviously wasn't. But she also didn't want to overcrowd and bombard him with questions she really wanted the answers to, like; 'Did you turn off your humanity?' and 'Did you kill anyone last night?'

As if reading her mind Damon spoke up. "I'm fine Elena…I didn't lash out and go on a killing spree. My humanity is insufferably intact." It was then that his blue eyes seemed to lock down on hers. "Although, there was one moment…" He trailed off, letting it hang in the air.

The intensity in them was almost too much for her and she had to avert her eyes. She busied her hands by linking and unlinking them on the table in front of her. "I know you're not fine…and that's okay, it's okay to feel. You've come so far, just don't give up." She reached out for his hands but he pulled them back.

"I feel, Elena…and it sucks. What sucks more is that I couldn't stop it, I saw it coming and I didn't stop it. I wasn't quick enough." Damon's jaw was so tense she thought it would break at his force.

A sigh came over her as she realized what this was. "You feel guilty."

His eyes narrowed, and her stood slowly, placing his hands firmly on the wooden table. "That would be human of me, wouldn't it, Elena and I'm not human. And don't talk to me about giving up. All you've done is give up!" Each word came out of his mouth like a slap to the face.

She had to stand in defensiveness, feeling too small. "That's not fair, Damon and you know it!" She pointed to herself. "I made sacrifices…yes. I put myself in danger a hundred times…yes! But I never did it because I gave up; I did it for you, and my friends and the people I care about!"

Damon rolled his eyes. "Oh here we go! Let's play the martyr card again, shall we? Is that your go-to now, to justify all the stupid life-threatening choices you make?" He pushed out his chair making a loud scrapping noise on the floor, and walked over to the cabinet about the sink that held the booze. He cracked the lid of a fresh bottle of bourbon and drank deep.

Elena scoffed. "As opposed to your 'go to'?" She gestured to him, slamming back half the liquid inside. "Drowning yourself at the bottom of a bottle? Very unpredictable."

"What do you expect me to do, Elena? Lock myself up in my room and cry while I go through his journals and reminisce about all the ways I've failed my brother?" The veins in his face and neck bulged in anger. "I was supposed to be there for him; even if I didn't believe that Katherine was good for him, he loved her so I was supposed to support him and be there for him but instead I killed her! I killed her because of-" He stopped suddenly, biting his tongue.

"Because of what? Come on Damon, don't stop now." Elena walked around, standing in from of him and getting in his face challengingly. "Because of me, right? Is that what you were going to say?"

"Yes…because of you." He whispered. His tone was spiteful and regretful all at once.

…

Damon winced, casting his eyes down. "You know I didn't mean any of that. I was trying to push you away…I thought it would be easier if you just let me go, so I didn't have to feed bad about disappointing you."

She shook her head sadly. "I always wondered…if I had just backed off, and didn't push you so hard if maybe everything would have worked out differently. You wouldn't have flipped your switch and Elijah and I never would have betrayed Klaus…everything would be different." she finished on a whisper.

He made sure that she saw the sincerity in his eyes, and tenderly tucked her hair behind her ear. "Elena…I already made up my mind about turning it off before you even walked in the room that morning. Nothing you could have done would have changed my mind." She let out a shaky sigh, almost in relief, and he could see the burden lift off her shoulders. "It wasn't anything you said or did. As much as I loved you…I just couldn't handle losing Stefan." The pain in his voice told her he was still struggling.

They fought, they hurt each other and were constantly at odds throughout their century and a half of brotherhood, but Elena knew there would never be anyone that could replace the Stefan-shaped hole that was left in his heart. He was never the same after he died…even in the year after Damon returned to her, she could see that a part of him was missing, because despite their differences…he couldn't live without him.

.

Damon gazed at her with unbridled awe; her chocolate-colored tresses falling over her shoulders in a curtain of silk. "I love you Elena…but I can't leave him alone. I need to at least offer him the choice you gave me." He noticed the hesitance in her eyes. "He's my brother."

.

Damon stood beside Elena and placed a hand on Stefan's shoulder. "I need my brother with me Stefan…I can't do this without you."

.

"You're different." Stefan observed. Damon faced him with a raised brow. "I noticed it last night. The way you dealt with me, how you are with Elena…she's changed you."

Damon smirked. "Don't tell her that…she likes to gloat."

"I'm serious Damon…Last night I saw the man you used to be before Katherine came along, my brother; the one who would come to my aid when I fell out of the apple tree." Damon smiled fondly, remembering that he had thought the same thing last night. "I'm proud of you."

.

Stefan reached up with a shaky hand and placed it on his brother's shoulder. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry for what I did to you," His voice cracked as he tried desperately to hold back his tears. "for what I did to everyone. And I hope you can forgive me..."

Damon nodded. "Of course, Stefan...we're family." His eyes were clouded with his own tears, and he smiled, a genuine smile.

.

Stefan used the last of his strength to grip the wooden headboard above him and break off a makeshift stake. He used his vampire speed to ram the jagged piece into his own chest.

"No! Stefan..." he tried to pull it out but Stefan held it in place as the veins in his face turned black and the life slipped from him.

"I want this." Those were the last words that left his mouth, and he was gone. Damon pulled the stake out, as if it would make a difference, and sobbed uncontrollably as he held his brother in his arms.

.

He stared at his brother for a long moment before standing and lifting him into his arms; carrying him as he did when Stefan was a boy and had fallen, scrapping his knees. Damon remembered how hard he'd cried, only ten years old; it was as if he was experiencing the worst pain of his life. He wished he could go back to those moments…the moments where he could put a band-aid over the wound and kiss it better, or tell him everything would be okay and Stefan believed him as if it were written in stone.

"What are you doing?" Caroline's voice was mousy and careful.

Damon swallowed hard. "I'm going to bury my brother."

.

Damon swallowed painfully, breaking eye contact with her as the memories flashed vividly in his head. From the moment Stefan was born, Damon promised to always look out for him, and made an effort to always be in his life…even if Stefan didn't want him there. Sometimes he pretended that Stefan was off in another country, having the life he always deserved, free of the stress and the pain that had followed him most of his life. It was easier than the reality that he'd never see him again.

He stood gracefully, dropping her hands back into her lap. "Mind if I take a shower?" He jerked a thumb to the en suite bathroom. "They don't really have hot running water in the Argentinian mountains." he joked.

Elena reeled back. "What were you doing out there?" Again, he surprised her. Thailand, Argentina…neither a place she had ever pictured him traveling to. New York, sure…Vegas; definitely, but Damon never struck her as the backpacking, soul searching type.

He let out a deep sigh. "Before Stefan and I turned…we wrote a list of all the places we'd go to if we ever got out of Mystic Falls." He chuckled to himself. "It was more of a pipe dream, but I figured…now was as good of time as any." He reached into the collar of his shirt, and pulled out the necklace. "And I brought him with me." he showed her Stefan's daylight ring, that hung on the end.

Her throat tightened with emotion. "He'd be proud of you, you know."

Damon scoffed. "I don't know about that. I haven't been a saint these last nine years, Elena. I've done some pretty horrible things and was perfectly content coasting through life without a care in the world…" His eyes fixed on hers intensely. "But then I realized it was all bullshit."

She tilted her head with a small frown. "What was?"

He shrugged. "Turning it off…after a while it's just a story you tell yourself to justify your actions. At first it feels amazing; liberating even. You feel like nothing can touch you. Then you reach a point where your humanity fights its way back in, despite your best efforts, and then you have to decide whether or not fighting it is worth it; worth the pain, the guilt…" He blinked, as he got lost in his own thoughts. "The guilt is enough to make you turn it off all over again. Most of the time, you just teeter on that line…and let the current take you where it may." he finished on a miserable whisper. His eyes finally met hers and he hated seeing the troubled look on her face, so he deflected. "Hey, you got a razor I could use." He scratched at his beard with a wry smile. "Getting a little out of control."

She smiled. "There's a shaving kit under the sink." He gave her a nod, and headed to the bathroom, and started to close the door. "Damon…" the door swung back open and he leaned on the frame. "I like the beard."

He flashed his eyes at her with a raise of his brows and shot her a smirk, before disappearing into the bathroom.

…

Damon came downstairs after his shower to see Elena sitting as the island with her coffee and an array of papers in from of her, her hand was tunneled through her hair by her ear and her elbow rested on the counter as she shuffled through the mail. Her head shot up and she forced a smile as she quickly pulled everything together in a neat pile. "Hey, um…" She slipped off the stool and handed him the mug that sat on the counter next to hers. "I figured you'd be hungry." He took it with a grateful smile looking down into the mug. "It's human; I usually keep a stock pile for when Caroline's here. Working at the hospital has it's perks." She laughed nervously. She didn't know why, but just his presence was making her feel like a teenager all over again.

He took a big gulp, licking his lips with a hum of approval. "Thank you." She sat back down, and he slipped into stool beside her. "What's all this?"

He grabbed for the paper on top, but she snatched it quickly. "It's nothing…" He pinned her with a disbelieving look before snatching it back, along with the rest on the counter. "Damon!"

He leaned away out of her reach, flipping through all the papers in his hands with a deep frown. "These are all past due…by months!" Multiple notices for mortgage payments, credit cards, car payments, her tuition and utilities.

"I know." she mumbled embarrassed. "I'm dealing with it." The truth was she'd been struggling to make ends meet even before the girls disappeared. Aaron's life insurance policy had run dry, and since she'd taken a leave of absence a few months ago, her bank account barely had enough to keep the lights on.

"This doesn't look like 'handling it', Elena." he admonished.

She clenched her teeth. "I'm broke, Damon; everything I had from Jenna's inheritance and Aaron's life insurance is gone. His family completely cut me out after he died, I've basically been living off my credit cards, which I've maxed out and I'm about one 'final notice' away from losing this house! So, yeah…I guess I'm not handling it, but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do!" she rambled in a panic. She took a calming breath. "They won't let me come back to the hospital…my boss said I'm not emotionally stable enough to return to work." She dropped her head in her hands, but glanced up at him sadly. "I haven't told anyone…I didn't want them to know how bad it got. I thought I'd be able to pull myself out of it." she cried defeatedly.

Damon tilted her chin up, catching her gaze, and wiping away her tears. "I'm going to clear all of this up for you, okay." he promised, continuing when he saw her start to shake her head and start protesting. "Yes, yes...I'm going to make a few phone calls and all of this is going to go away. I don't want you to worry about any of this anymore, okay?" he rolled all the papers up and shoved them in his back pocket, before pulling her in for a tight hug, which she melted into with heart wrenching sobs.

A huge weight lifted off her shoulders and let Damon soothe her. For so many years she fought to keep herself together; she hid her tears and forced a smile…because she had to, because the girls needed her to be strong for them. But right now…she was allowed to let it go, because she knew that Damon would be strong enough for the both of them.

When her cries eased, he cupped her face. "Do you trust me?"

She sniffled and nodded. "Of course." She brought her hand up to hold his to her cheek.

He nodded. "Good. I'm going to take care of you, Elena. You don't have to do this alone." He kissed her forehead, and stood slowly, pulling his phone from his pocket. "I'm going to make some calls."

Elena watched him go back upstairs, blinking aware the last of her tears. She was reluctant to let him go; she never felt safer than when she was in his arms, but she was reassured knowing that he wasn't leaving her again.

…

AN: I hope you enjoyed chapter 2! There will be more revealed about what Damon went through in future chapters. Please let me know what you think! - Vanessa