Hi again! I am going to actually continue this story. I posted it all the way back in 2013, deleted, but it is going to be back! Please engage and let me know thoughts.

XX

Gabrielle

Sarah Jane Smith

The moment after he shut the door, the Doctor leaned with his back against the door. He didn't know how to breathe anymore, how to do anything really. He hadn't had a chance to think since he had said goodbye to Rose on the beach. But now there was an eternity left. Throughout his adventure with Donna, he had been able to hold himself together and he could hardly believe he had asked Donna to come with him. He assumed it was because he wanted, no, needed, to keep running so he didn't have any time to stop.

"No…" the Doctor whispered, pushing off from the door and practically running into the controls. "There must be a way."

It was then that the Doctor began flinging the levers, pushing the buttons, and spinning the controls in no precise order or manner, just wishing that they would do something. Maybe the TARDIS would be thrown into a pit of fire and he would be put out of this misery. It was hitting him all at once all over again, everything that he had ever lost felt like it was happening all over again.

The Doctor was surprised when he felt the TARDIS land on what he assumed to be solid ground. He had no idea where or when he was, absolutely no idea at all, and he didn't care. He didn't want to look outside, he didn't want to do this again without Rose. Not anymore, he didn't want to move on and bury her deep inside like everyone else he had lost. Just this once he wanted to feel, he wanted to hurt. He wanted to scream at the universe for taking Rose and Clara away from him. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't.

He was still slumped over the controls staring at nothing when he heard a knock. An insistent knocking on the TARDIS door and it wasn't stopping. Was it in his head? He could be anywhere; it could be Genghis Khan finally trying to break down the doors again. If so, he would welcome it gladly. In fact, he could help him out and open the door for them.

With a silly smile on his face he approached the door. He didn't know why he was smiling, it felt wrong somehow. It was just that if he was facing death, he was so relieved. He would do anything to stop this pain. Without a second thought the Doctor flung the door open to see who was outside of the TARDIS.

"Doctor?" called out a voice, but the Doctor barely heard her. He was just staring, the smile gone from his voice now. He knew that his eyes were huge right now, but he didn't care. He couldn't control anything, the only thing that happened was when he let out a choking noise and had to reach out to steady himself on the door so that he wouldn't fall to his knees.

"Sarah Jane Smith," the Doctor managed to whisper before he finally collapsed on the ground right outside of the TARDIS in a heap. It was then that he felt himself breaking. He hadn't cried yet, but from the sobs that were threatening to escape out of his throat he knew his floodgates had broken.

Sarah Jane stood in shock as she watched the Doctor crumble at her feet. She had never seen him like this on any of their travels and it terrified her. The Doctor was always so stoic and never showed emotions. He was always so calm that she had sometimes wondered if he even had them. And now he was just sitting there crying and she didn't know what she was supposed to do. "What happened?"

"It hurts," the Doctor choked out as he buried his face against his knees. He didn't want to look at her; he couldn't look at her.

"What hurts, Doctor?" Sarah Jane asked as she kneeled next to the Doctor. She reached out to touch his shoulder, but he just jerked away with a pathetic squeak. "Why are you here? I thought last time I saw you was goodbye."

"Please," the Doctor whispered. He looked up at Sarah Jane with red eyes as he thought of what he should do. He didn't know why he was here; he wasn't planning on being here. Now here he was, stooped right outside of Sarah Jane's house and he couldn't even tell her why he was there. "Just…just leave me here for a bit."

Apparently the Doctor was serious because Sarah Jane sat next to him for at least five minutes with no interaction whatsoever. She assumed it was okay to go into the TARDIS. After all, the doors were still wide open and it might give her an indication of what had gone so horribly wrong.

Glancing back once she had stepped into the blue box, Sarah Jane took a deep breath and left the Doctor huddled on the ground. There was nothing strange in the console room, so she stepped farther into the ship towards what she remembered was the kitchen. Was she alone on the ship? She had no idea how long it had been for him since she had last seen the Doctor, but where was his companion?

"Hello?" Sarah Jane asked the empty air as if expecting a response. "Is anyone here?"

Knowing she was alone on the TARDIS, Sarah Jane decided to go see if the Doctor was still in the same position. After all, more time had passed than she had expected. Just like old times, she had spent way too much time trying to navigate through the corridors only to end up lost.

Once she was back in the console room Sarah Jane let out a breath of relief that she wasn't lost anymore. With that thought in her mind, Sarah Jane hesitantly walked out of the TARDIS, expecting to see the Doctor in the same position as he had been in when she left. However, the spot was empty and the Doctor was nowhere in sight. Sarah Jane was beginning to worry when she noticed that her door was open wider than it had been when she left. It was her best bet that the Doctor was somewhere in her home.

"Doctor, where are you?" Sarah Jane muttered. She had to stop the smile that filled her face as she thought of the times she had said that same line before when she traveled with the Doctor.

"In the kitchen making some tea," the Doctor answered in an excited tone. Sarah Jane hadn't expected him to act like nothing had happened, but she wasn't all that surprised either. "You take one sugar, right?"

Sarah Jane cocked an eyebrow as she walked into her kitchen to see the Doctor setting the cups of tea on the table with a smile on his face. "You remembered…"

"Of course," the Doctor responded in a sure voice. "I remember everything about you," he said as she settled in the seat across from him. "Speaking of which, how long has it been for you since I last saw you?"

"Two weeks ago when we saved the world from a high school," Sarah Jane said as she cocked her head and studied him. He looked exactly the same, but that didn't mean it hadn't been years since they had last met. The thing that shocked her was his eyes, they were so much sadder than they had been last time, finally showing every minute of his 900 years. "How long for you?"

"Over a year," the Doctor whispered as his face dropped and he stared at his untouched tea. "Has it really only been a year? I wish it would have been a century."

Sarah Jane took a deep breath before she spoke again, unsure of what his response would be. "Have you been alone long?"

"Two weeks," the Doctor muttered. He ran his hands through his hair again, leaving it sticking up at an impossible angle. "I haven't slept in two weeks. I had to find it, Sarah Jane. Find the breach, but it wasn't big enough!"

"Breach?" Sarah Jane asked. "If you want me to help you I need to understand, Doctor."

"Rose," the Doctor whispered as he buried his face into his hands once more. "I can never see her again. Never, I've lost her."

"She didn't…?" Sarah Jane questioned. She was so surprised by his actions. Was this how he acted every time he lost a companion? She was sure that wasn't the case. Apparently this Rose was special to him. When she had met the girl before, she knew that the young girl was undeniably in love with the Doctor and that was an emotion she could relate to. But she didn't think they had been anything more than friends; the Doctor always had his rules. Her heart automatically went out to Rose, whatever had happened definitely hadn't been pretty and after they had gotten over their pettiness she had respected and genuinely liked the girl.

"No!" the Doctor practically shouted as his head shot up in surprise. "No, no, no don't even let me think about that possibility. She isn't dead. Rose is very much alive."

Sarah Jane let out a breath of relief at his words. "Did she want to go home, Doctor? Because if that was the case it was her own choice and I know she didn't do it to hurt you."

"She would have never left me," the Doctor whispered as he picked up his cup like he was going to take a drink before he slammed it back down on the table, sloshing tea everywhere. "She gave up everyone for me, Sarah Jane. And she didn't, wouldn't, have regretted it one bit."

"Then what happened? Is she alone?" Sarah Jane asked as she sipped on her own tea. "Tell me you didn't drop her off like you did to me and then regretted it."

"Rose isn't alone," the Doctor stated in a harsh voice. "She will never be alone, she has her family and…"

"Where is she? Why can't you go get her back?"

The Doctor actually got out of his chair and paced back and forth across the kitchen for a few moments before he responded again. "She's trapped, Sarah Jane. In a parallel universe, I can't get there ever again."

"How did this happen?" Sarah Jane exclaimed with wide eyes. She didn't understand, he was the Doctor. He was capable of everything. He could bend the walls of time and space, so surely he could go get Rose in a parallel universe.

"It hasn't happened for you yet," the Doctor whispered. "She was flying towards the Void and then her…father, I suppose…he caught her and saved her by taking her to the parallel universe. Then the walls of reality closed before I could get her back to me."

"Oh, Doctor," Sarah Jane gasped. She could tell that was as detailed description she would get from the Doctor about what happened. "I'm so sorry."

"I got to see her one more time. I burned up a star just to say goodbye," the Doctor explained.

Sarah Jane tried to suppress the jealousy that rose when she learned that he had said goodbye to Rose when she was in another universe, but he couldn't be bothered with her. "Doctor, what can I do to help? Why did you come here? Do you want to talk about it more?"

"Please…" the Doctor whispered as Sarah Jane continued to spew questions at him. "I can't do this right now. I just lost them."

"Them?" Sarah Jane asked. She had a feeling, a thought that she hoped wasn't true. "Who else did you lose?"

"Clara," the Doctor muttered as his eyes fluttered closed. "She was so beautiful, Sarah Jane and I never got to hold her. She won't know me, she will grow up without me."

"I'm sure Rose will tell Clara about her father," Sarah Jane said, her voice confident that she was correct in her assumption. "And Rose will be a brilliant mother to her. You see, you didn't leave Rose alone, she has your daughter."

The Doctor let out a muffled sob as he turned away from her. "I am alone, Sarah Jane. I lost my family again and it is all my fault."

"I'm still here, Doctor," Sarah Jane said as she stepped over and pulled the stiff Doctor in for a hug.

After a few moments of silence, the Doctor pulled away, looking much more composed than before. "What do I do?"

"You keep on fighting for them, Doctor," Sarah Jane replied. "You don't be alone. You keep on traveling and saving this universe."

"I…" the Doctor whispered as he backed away from her. "I have to go."

"Doctor, wait," Sarah Jane announced, not letting him leave yet. "Please, say goodbye for the last time."

"Sarah Jane," the Doctor began, pulling her in for another hug. "You are brilliant, thank you for everything. Goodbye. If I see you again I will be so blessed."

"Thank you for trusting me, Doctor," Sarah Jane said as the Doctor turned to leave. "Goodbye."

After that, the Doctor left the house and moments later she heard the sound of the TARDIS. She closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry for the ancient Time Lord. He was so alone, so very sad. She just hoped he would find someone, anyone. Because no one should be alone, especially not the Doctor after all he had lost.

…

Thanks to Sarah Jane, the Doctor knew exactly what he needed to do, he just wanted to do one more thing before he did it.

With the TARDIS hovering in the Vortex, the Doctor took a deep breath to calm himself before he walked down the eerily quiet hallway and stopped in front of a door. He had to brace himself on the doorframe for a moment before he turned the knob and hesitantly stepped inside.

The bright yellow walls seemed to be mocking him, saying he should be happy when his whole life had just fallen apart. He stood in the middle of the room for several moments before he practically collapsed into the rocking chair next to his old crib.

"Oh, my Clara," the Doctor whispered as he looked at the bedding that would never be used. "I'm so sorry I failed you."

The Doctor began to cry again at those words, the finality that this room would never be used by his daughter finally hitting him. It was all his fault. If he only had insisted that he take Rose's lever, he would have been able to reach it and pull it upright. If only the breach had closed two seconds earlier and she could have stayed safe with him. Even if she would have been separated from her family, she would have had him. She would have known her mum was safe and happy on the other side with Mickey and Pete. She would have been so upset, but eventually she would have healed in a way he never could. Because he would have been there for her, to hold her as she cried, and before either of them knew it, Clara would have been born and he would've been there. He wouldn't have minded if Rose screamed at him that she hated him for doing this to her, or even broke his hand, because after it all he would be able to hold his precious daughter. But that would never happen now, they would never see each other again and he would never get to hold his daughter.

Glancing around the room, he knelt down on the floor next to the mound of stuffed animals. He wondered what her nursery looked like in Pete's world. He was sure it would be beautiful, Rose Tyler would have nothing but the best for her child. But it wouldn't be in the TARDIS and he would never see it.

He picked up the little Slitheen stuffed animal that was on top of the pile and studied it. It had always been Rose's favorite and she had proclaimed it would be the first one their child would sleep with. That way, she always said, the baby wouldn't be scared of the other species of aliens they encountered on their travels. After all, the child's father was an alien, she should get used to all kinds of them. But in Pete's World, she would never hold this little stuffed animal.

The Doctor spent about an hour more in his daughter's empty room before he stood in the doorway just looking at it. "I'm going to keep this room exactly like this for you, Clara. Because when you come back to your daddy you will always have a place on the TARDIS," he promised before he closed the door. He stood there, vowing that for the rest of his life he would periodically go into that nursery and remember his daughter.

After that was done the Doctor stood in front of another room, a room he knew he would never enter again after this one time. "After this you freeze this room, okay? It'll stay exactly as it is right now," the Doctor said to the TARDIS, feeling the TARDIS' comforting reply that it would be done.

Stepping into his and Rose's bedroom, the Doctor remained steely eyed as he looked around. He couldn't bear to touch anything, to move anything that was sprawled across the room. Because Rose had put it there, thinking that she was going to be back later to tidy up and he wasn't going to change anything in this room. It was a reminder of the life he and Rose had, and that time they had together was much too short.

He lightly sat down onto the unmade bed. It was heart-breaking, to see so much of Rose in this room and know that she would never see it again, never sleep in this bed again, never smile at him again. Lying down on the bed, the Doctor closed his eyes as he breathed in Rose's scent that he hoped would always remain here. He could almost pretend that Rose was still here. Think that Rose would come over and flop down next to him on the bed, poking his arm as she announced that she couldn't sleep. Then she would curl up next to him and he would be complete again. Letting out a sigh, the Doctor opened up his eyes and broke the fantasy.

Practically jumping up, the Doctor made his way out of the room as fast as he could. He slammed the door behind him and slid down the wall until he was sitting just staring at the door. He ran his hands through his hair as he tried to collect his thoughts. He couldn't do it, he could never go into that room again. It was too painful to see the physical evidence of Rose.

He sat there for a long while just staring at the door that he hoped he would never look at again. As he slowly rose to his feet he knew exactly what he needed to do next. He would only do it once, he couldn't ever think of doing it again because if he did then he would do nothing else. He would become obsessed, so he knew it was his one and only chance at this.

Going back to the console room, he flew the TARDIS exactly where he needed for the moment. He took a deep breath and made a promise to himself not to do anything that would change timelines before he stepped outside.

The day was beautiful. The sun was shining and it was a breezy summer day on Earth. The year was 1990 and it was a nice July afternoon. He was parked at a familiar playground.

"Sorry, mister," a boy around the age of six screeched as he slammed right into the Doctor. The Doctor almost said something to him before he shut his mouth. It was little Mickey Smith and he was running towards the swings where someone was waiting for him.

The Doctor settled down on a bench on the edge of the playground, being able to see them, but not close enough where they would see him. The little girl, around the age of four, with a full head of blonde hair was smiling as Mickey sat down on the swing next to her. Her hazel eyes twinkled as she began to swing, and she let out the most beautiful giggle the Doctor had ever heard. Rose Tyler was still wonderful, even when she was a child.

"Rose, don't go that high!" Mickey squealed as he tried to get his swing as high as hers. "You will hurt yourself."

"No," Rose giggled, looking at Mickey with eyes that were much too wise for her small face. "I just want to be close to the sky!"

"Why?" Mickey asked as he jumped off the swing and stood, as if he was expecting Rose to join him.

"To see the stars!" Rose proclaimed as she kept kicking harder to swing higher. "I want to go up there and see them up close."

Mickey let out a snort as he ran over to go down the slide. "That can't happen. Little girls can't go up that high to see the stars."

"Yes they can!" Rose insisted as a harsh determination filled her adorable face. "And I will, just you wait! I will see the stars!"

The Doctor knew now that it was time to go, he had seen more than enough. His Rose, she was so amazing even before he had met her. And he knew that she would be amazing for the rest of her life and she would raise Clara and be a wonderful mother, even if he wasn't there with them.

"Rose Tyler," the Doctor whispered as he entered the TARDIS with a last glance at Rose. "You saw the stars, my amazing Rose."

Rose Tyler's head whipped up when she heard an unknown noise. She squinted her eyes as she concentrated, trying to store the sound to her memory, because something deep within her tiny body told her it was important. That that sound was for her. A sign, she knew, that she would see the stars someday.

Finally! Enjoy...