Chapter: 2

I'm staring at my current bane of existence, a disgusting glob of droll hanging out its mouth. The creature has fallen asleep upright, does she have narcolepsy? or is she just retarded?

Sure, Aqua's hot, with excellent creamy-thighs and a short, and I mean short skirt. Her figure fills out flawlessly, the proportions are without a doubt perfectly exact. Hell, the only problem is her blue hair that looks like it comes straight outta 'Tumblr'.

Oh, and the fact she is the most annoying thot of a 'goddess' in the known existence of the universe. It only took a few seconds of speech from this deranged non-panty wearing bitch before I realised, it truly does matter what is on the inside.

I hold a hand to my cheek and feel a wet-dampness, tears, sad, sad, self-pitying tears.

This is not how I would've liked to see my fantasy adventure go, water is now flowing freely down my face in despair and anguish.

After being in this awful, horrible world for less than three Aquaful minutes, never gonna say that again. The useless bitch and I were abruptly sent an extremely unfair end game 'boss' on what was effectively the first level. And to top that all of, we won... due to pure dumb luck, we should be very dead.

Everything gets much worse, due to the blue-moron we're stuck behind enemy lines, THIS SHOULD BE THE FUCKING TUTORIAL! so how did this happen?

After I got over my vigours puking session, from actually killing someone. Aqua and I thus sprang east, the brilliant infallible reason for this? we had to pick a direction and I've always been super lucky so I chose, well normally I am, but after my death shit's gone downhill super fast, I should have just gone to heaven.

Oh, and a few deranged monsters, that Aqua never mentioned before hurling me to this hell, tried to kill us but we both managed to escape by the skin of our teeth. I'm not exactly proud of how we escaped...

"Oi! you filthy Hiki-Neet! what ar-are you doing!" Aqua irritatingly squeals at me, much like the gym girls from high school would. The reason for this being me shamelessly clambering onto her strong-back, it's surprisingly comfortable, as hordes of pink, fleshy, satanic-looking demons emerge from the ash-filled impoverished ground.

Pride? never heard of it, a woman would do the exact same in my predicament, and I believe in true gender equality. If I have to be the 'damsel in distress' then so be it.

"Mush! goddess, use your 'divine' abilities to save me!" I say in a heroic and masculine voice. My beautiful emerald-like eyes gleaming in a way that shows my righteousness, betraying the situation completely.

"Wahhh!, get off, get off, get off, geeeeeeet ooooof!" she's crying brutally fast and shooting at a breakneck speed that matches her sobbing. While at the same time trying to pry me off, but I'm cemented harder than the strongest guerrilla-glue. Oi, you're my cheat item it's your obligation to save me.

'Stare'

Who needs pride anyway?

Currently, we're in a piercingly sharp, humid and ragged looking open-cave. After scouting it out, with the useless goddess outside; I think she's been the one attracting the enemies; I found it safe enough except the hard, rough floor.

"Kazuma, this place is not fitting of a goddess on my standard, let's find a new one."

Unfortunately, the blue-cretin appears to have shaken up from her deranged nap. Not only that, but she decides to spout out something wholly autistic.

Is she serious? has the reality of our fucked-up situation not gone through to her dull-thick skull? or is she just that stupid?

We don't have a goddamn choice on where to relax, and to top it off it's all her fault we're here; to begin with! If anyone should be asking for more, IT SHOULD BE ME!

"You dumb bitch, I don't know if you noticed, but because of you, we don't have MANY OPTIONS!" My brow twitches in annoyance to this blue blob of a goddess.

"WHAT?! because of me? after you dragged me here I had to save you from the general, you should be praising me and spoiling me rotten."

Her bothersome whale-like screeching is annoying but the delusions are genuinely worrying, am I gonna be stuck with this creature? will I be able to ditch her or is this my bleak-dark future?

please god if you're there save me, then again if Aqua is what counts as a 'goddess' maybe I should be praying to Satan?

"Aqua... A-Q-U-A! finding a good place to sleep should be the least of our worries you dumb, blue idiot; I haven't eaten in hours or drank for that matter either, how are we gonna find food or water in this shitty dead land?" I'm on the verge of having the biggest breakdown since I started up my unhealthy Neet-Lifestyle, this is awful.

It at least seems like reality is setting in for the blue-pantyless-degenerate her expression turning ashen with previous unknown despair, tears forming at the bottom of her eyes.

Before Aqua has a tantrum moment, I abruptly lie down on the damp coarse ground of the off-putting cave, settling my green-worn tracksuit on the dirty floor to damper some of the uncomfortableness. I try to let sleep take me... but this blue annoying-bitch I've barely known for a full day decides to irritate me even more.

"Kazuma, Kazuma, I can't sleep here the ground is icky and hard, can I sleep on you?" Now, most guys would jump at the thought, and I would too. But I know this thot's personality and it disgusts me, I pray to the man that gets involved with this retard.

"No;" my expression deadpan and tone even, leave me alone, you goddamn, bimbo of a goddess.

To my immediate response, her face drops a bit, then immediately after; she puts on a confident smirk, she's gonna do something stupid, I can already see it.

Aqua tries, keyword tries, to put on a seductive face swaying her hips towards my lying form, truly disgusting.

She saunters up to me, lying on the ground, and bends over giving me a nice view of her sizeable 'assets' if only her personality was decent.

"k-a-z-u-m-a," she whispers each syllable in my sensitive ear, her hot-steamy breath brushing against it making me shiver in arousal. And my deadpan facade almost crack. "Don't you wanna sleep with a goddess?"

"No," I say my expression manages to stay the same with considerable effort, while my green eyes remain unmoved from her provocative attempt.

At my immediate response, her face turns to that of a child that just scraped their knee, ready to cry, the start of tears forming in her eyes.

"WAAHH! Kazuma's so mean." I, I just want to sleep, is that so much to ask? You know what screw it. I shut my eyes and tune out her wailing, I bet it's something I'm gonna have to be very sufficient at.

When waking up and having the worst back pain in my life. I was soon given my worst headache as well; the childish goddess kept complaining about sleeping in such a 'horrible' location.

Even now she won't shut up.

"Kazuma, that was filthy and wet, I shouldn't have slept there, don't you feel bad for me?" She has huge tears filling her deep-ocean-blue-like eyes.

Has this deranged woman never experienced any kind of suffering before?

After tuning-her-out, while having an empty breakfast but a full argument, I somehow managed to not kill the disturbed thot.

Soon after, we left the depressing cave a little late into the morning, toward the equally depressing ash-filled land and continued east. I would pray for my luck to pay off but, I'm atheist now, there is no way Aqua is a god.

Okay, I need to think this through, we need water and food. Maybe this not-goddess knows where to find some?

"Aqua, you're a... goddess, where would we find water or food around here?" I reluctantly say the goddess-bit of my sentence, I do not want her already colossal ego to inflate anymore.

"Ara, ara~, Kazuma I'm the goddess of water, water~, do you know what that means" she spills this out at me with a confident smirk on her face.

"No, it surely wouldn't mean you could just make water, would it? I mean you would have told me earlier, wouldn't you." My tone becomes harsher at the end, as the smug smile is wiped clean from the infuriating-useless 'goddesses' face.

"N-no, of course not Kazuma, I, um? I ran out of mana yesterday, um? beca-because I used it all in godblow?" She's sweating buckets, at her obvious lie. I let out a long and strenuous sigh, I'm not even surprised at this point.

"Well alright," I hold out my hands in a cupped shape; "Give me," I say in a harsh tone not willing for any negotiating.

But apparently, on top of being useless, she can't read the room.

"Hmm, well maybe if Kazuma pray- wait," before she can say something truly befitting of a useless goddess. I start pinching her cheeks with mighty vigour, "Wait it was a joke Kazuma, a joke. STO-STOP!, STOP PINCHING MY CHEEKS!"

After I reluctantly release her now red-cheeks, she gives a pained-smug smile. A blue-hue is lighting up in her soft-delicate hands. A circular diagram of the same colour is also appearing above her.

[Sacred Create Water], thi... this stupid moron, this is way too much. A tyrant the size of a tsunami forms out of the blue digram.

It plunges into both Aqua and me with an impact that I can only compare to what I thought was a truck that caused my pitiful death. As we are dragged, hard, by the rough current.

This is not how my fantasy adventure was supposed to go! why?

My water-clogged-ears strain and I pick up a deep low pitch screeching sound behind me. This lasts for a solid four minutes, I'm drenched in Aqua's fluids, my body painfully sore all over as I'm rag-dolled about, but that isn't the worst. The screaming coming from Aqua makes my already bad headache into a huge migraine.

As the waves calm down and water dissipates, Aqua and I shakily get to our feet, her healing me and herself from the damage done.

"Ho-how, how did you know I was there?" a deep aggressive voice shouts; I turn to see what I can only describe as a frogman, green skin with bulging eyes, its fat body adorned with a dark black cloak. He is on the ground drenched and unable to move from the torrent of waves. Wh-what, what is this? where are the anime-animal girls? why am I getting frog people?

"Was the Toad Prince too obvious in sending me? and to think you would drown yourselves to beat me, I truly underestimated you." His low-pitch tone is filled with begrudging respect from this misunderstanding, looks like my luck won again?

Aqua, suddenly gets a devilish smirk on her face, as she understands the situation. I'm surprised she even knows what is going on with her one brain cell.

"Mhhm, demon, you truly submitted to this plan, made by me, the goddess Aqua" she points a thumb at herself completely lying about everything. I'm kinda impressed, bu-but, but why did she have to let him know of her goddess status, does she want to die?

His eyes widen at the information regarding her status as a 'totally' 'holy' being.

Time to put on my best acting ability.

"Oh~? we know that he sent you after us. I mean we are the heroic-duo-of-death after all, but why, what caused him to do this? is he truly that foolish. Does he want to die?" I pose in what I think is a threatening matter, damn that made-up team name was cool.

Aqua is cracking her knuckles behind me only adding to my stellar performance.

If he doesn't relent I'm gonna bring up how I killed Syliva, as a last resort, that should inspire fear, I'm just not gonna mention how I did it.

I hear the frog-creature muttering about 'Crimson Demons', a sick expression on his unattractive, green-bulbous face.

"AHHHHH! CREEPY! No more, I can't deal with any more Crimson Demon nonsense, I just CAN'T! MUMMY, SAVE ME!" I... I wasn't going for creepy, and what the hell is a 'Crimson Demon' but nonetheless, he sees that were serious. But did I seriously cause a monster to cry? One that ugly, I don't know if I should feel accomplished or not.

"Ok, okay, you two have shown me a truly disturbing sight, I relent." He gives a heavy sigh. "I didn't think it was much of a secret but, you, so-called-goddess, are like a shining beacon of divine mana, I was sent to purge it, the very radiant of it is enough to disturb anyone here".

Great, just great my already useless cheat item has transcended regular levels of useless and become a liability.

Aqua doesn't seem shocked by this revelation, actually, she seems rather proud.

"Ara, ara~, my presence is truly so great, you hear that Hiki-Neet, I'm amazing." Was she dropped on her head as a baby?

"Excuse me one second," I say to the frog guy. I drag Aqua by the ear her wailing all the while.

"Can you turn it off?" She has a confused puppy expression, head tilt and everything. "I'm talking about your 'holy' aura, can it be turned off?"

She scrunches up her forehead and puts her hand to her chin, as though deep in thought. Her mind must be examining every wrinkle of her smooth brain; for a shred of knowledge, that she most likely doesn't have.

"Maybe, I never really tried when I was in heaven. Ok, I'll give it a go" she gives me a thumbs-up at the end, I give a heavy sigh but return it nonetheless.

Aqua suddenly gets a constipated expression as her face squeezed in, did it work?

There is a way to find out.

"Yo frog dude, is that 'divine' energy still there?"

"It's faint but I can still see a vague outline, It's not a giant alarm bell anymore, at the least."

This guy is very forthcoming, hmmm?

"Do you not have any loyalty to the Toad Prince?"

"I, I do but Aqua cultists are already known for being mentally ill. One that suggests she's a literal goddess no matter how big the divine aura. Has to be, well let's put it as 'unwell'..."

"Wahhh?!" Aqua is so offended she can't even speak right, I'm trying to hold back laughter at her traumatized expression, how does it feel bitch?

Hmmm.

"Tell me the location of this Toad Prince," we might be able to get information on the Demon King from this guy, also I have a solid proof plan, one that can't fail.