Chapter 2: Dreams or reality
A loud banging on the door awoke Teyla with a start and she had no idea what time it was. Was it time to get up? Was there an emergency? No, someone would have contacted her if there was and even if she were late for a mission someone would contact her by radio, so she really had no idea why someone was trying to bash her door down.
Looking at her clock she realised that it was 0100 hours, and she hadn't been asleep for long. The pounding continued so she knew that the only way to stop it was to get up and answer the door.
She stumbled to the light switch and turned the light on before finding her gown and walking to the door. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and was shocked to see that John was standing there. Looking him up and down it didn't take him long to realise that he was injured.
"Colonel, what has happened to your head?"
"I'm sorry I fell out of bed and I must have hit my head."
"Come and sit down so that I can look at it."
While he sat on the edge of her bed, she looked in her draw for the mini first aid kit that she kept there for emergencies.
"Teyla I couldn't get back to sleep after I woke up on the floor, so I decided to come and visit you. I hope you don't mind?"
Sitting next to him, she bathed his head with antiseptic and put a band-aid on it and she was relieved that it wasn't more serious because the last thing she wanted right now was to make him go to the infirmary.
"John are you alright? I know that we keep asking you that question, but we do not understand how it must have felt for you when you thought that we had left you behind."
"Teyla, I have told you more than once that I understand what happened so there is no reason to keep having this conversation. Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to come here tonight." He said standing up and walking towards her door.
"John, you do not have to go. Maybe you would like to head down to the mess hall for a late-night snack, or a cup of stout tea?" Teyla smiled remembering the first time that she'd offered him a cup of stout tea.
He smiled back at her, "alright, I could use a snack and a cup of tea, but I won't keep you long."
"Right let's get going then." She suggested.
"Umm…Teyla, are you going to put some clothes on?" He asked and she didn't miss the slight flush of his cheeks.
She looked down at her clothing choice and realised that she still had her nightie on, "perhaps I should change, but what about you? You're only wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt?"
He looked down at his feet and smiled, "at least I've got my shoes on and you never know I may feel like going on a run to try and wear myself out when I've had a snack."
Now it was her turn to be embarrassed, "umm… I'll go and put some clothes, how about I meet you in the mess hall in twenty minutes."
"Nah, I'll wait here for you and we can walk down together."
"Alright, I will go into the bathroom and get changed and I will see you in five minutes.
Ten minutes later they were walking through Atlantis heading for the mess hall and John seemed unsettled. His eyes were darting in all directions as if he were looking for someone of something. She decided not to ask him about it though because he would probably tell her that he was fine. But there was definitely something that was bothering him, and she made up her mind that she would get to the bottom of it.
When they walked through the door to the mess hall, she was surprised to see how busy it was at this time of the morning. Looking around the room she spotted Ronon and Rodney sitting at a table overlooking the ocean and she decided that they would join them.
She headed over to the serving table and found that John wasn't following her, when she turned back to look at the entrance, she realised that he was still standing there and staring into space. It didn't take long to backtrack and reach his position again.
"John, are you alright?" She asked for the millionth time since he'd been back on Atlantis.
"You know what Teyla; I'm beginning to feel tired again, so I think I'll head back to bed."
"Are you sure you do not want some company?"
"Teyla, it is 0130 hours and it's been a long day, or should I say a long six months, so I think I want to go back to bed and get some sleep. I'm due in the infirmary first thing and I want to put this whole thing with the sanctuary behind me and the best way to do that is to get back to work."
"Are you sure you do not want to talk to someone about your time in the sanctuary?"
"Look Teyla I'm fine and right now I want to go to bed, so goodnight."
She watched as he turned and left the mess hall and it left her feeling totally confused. One minute he seemed to want company and the next he wanted to be alone. Perhaps she would speak with Elizabeth in the morning and see what she thought.
Looking over at the table where Rodney and Ronon had been sitting when she came in, it didn't take her long to realise that the two men had left, and she had to wonder whether they had seen what went on with John.
A voice interrupted her contemplations a few seconds later, "hey Teyla what's up with Sheppard?"
She turned around and saw that Rodney and Ronon were standing behind her, "Ronon I did not see you there. John is alright, but he is tired, so he has gone back to bed."
"Why are you here then?" Rodney asked in his usual brusque manner.
Teyla sighed, not really wanting to tell them that John had actually come looking for her, "I couldn't sleep, so I thought that I'd come to the mess hall for a snack, but now I am feeling tired, so I think I will go back to bed."
She turned and left the room before Rodney and Ronon had a chance to say anything further. Walking down the hallway towards her quarters she wondered whether she should check on John but thought better of it because if he wanted to go to sleep who was she to argue with him.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO
John left the mess hall and thought about heading back to his quarters, but the last thing he wanted to do right now was to go back to sleep. The dream he'd had was strange and a little disturbing. Were Teer and the others really trying to contact him, or was it really just a bad dream?
In the end, he decided that he would go for a run to try and wear himself out. If he fell asleep afterwards, then he would let it happen.
He started at a slow jog and headed down to the lower levels of the city; thinking that he would go to one of his favourite places that he went to when he wanted to be alone. As he continued his run, he sped up his pace. The blood pumping through his veins was an exhilarating experience and it gave him a huge adrenalin rush, so even though he was becoming incredibly tired he just kept on running. Finally, he reached his destination and entered the small room which he had designated as his sanctuary on Atlantis. He was fairly sure that no one else knew about the place, although he suspected that Teyla may have followed him there on one or two occasions. Not that it bothered him if Teyla knew where he was because he trusted her to keep it a secret.
Now that he was alone and no one could find him until he wanted to be found he took the opportunity to reflect on what had happened, hoping that he would be able to move on. He was the military commander of Atlantis and it was his responsibility to protect the people in her, so he really needed to get a grip and he needed to get it soon. But for now, he was just too exhausted to think about anything, so he closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.
A voice came to him in the darkness, and he wasn't sure if he were awake or asleep, "John, John, I miss you and I wish that I could see you again."
He looked into the darkness and saw Hedda walking towards him. And much to his annoyance, he was in the clearing by the settlement again.
"John you must do what is right for you and I believe that you need to stay on Atlantis," Avrid said walking out of the darkness to join Hedda.
"John you can still ascend with me, but you need to fight your demons first," Teer told him as she joined her brother and sister.
He was about to respond, then he was back in the clearing in the middle of a thunderstorm again. Suddenly over the noise of the storm, he heard a roar, aw crap, he thought, not the beast again. He waited until the noise was almost on top of it and then he jumped onto the beasts back and put his arm around the beast's neck trying to choke it. Slowly it disappeared and he fell to the ground with a thud. He must have landed on his left arm because he felt a sharp pain shoot through it. He coughed and spluttered when he took in a mouth full of muddy water from the puddle he had landed in and then he was in the middle of the settlement again and Teer, Hedda and Avrid were gone.
The raging storm had stopped, the beast had gone, and silence had descended on the settlement. Looking around in the morning light he saw that the village was incredibly old, and it looked as if it hadn't been used in a hundred years. Vines were growing up around the buildings including the hut that had been his, the trees in the centre clearing were towering over everything and the pond where he and Hedda used to collect water had dried up long ago.
He wondered where Hedda was because he could sure use her healing gift on his arm about now. All he could do was stand and stare at what was left of the settlement and before long it started to fade away to nothing.
He awoke with a start when he started to cough and splutter, only to find that he was lying face down in a puddle of water. He immediately rolled over onto his back and it didn't take him long to realise that the roof was leaking, and it had obviously been raining during the night. Rolling over he put his hands on the floor to try and push himself up and a shooting pain shot through his left arm.
Great, how the hell am I supposed to tell Carson what happened to my arm, or my head for that matter?
There was daylight streaming through the window and he had no idea what the time was. All he knew was that he was due in the infirmary at 0900 hours and then he had a meeting with Elizabeth about an upcoming diplomatic mission he was supposed to be going on with her and Teyla. He knew that he somehow had to let Carson think that he was alright, so as long as he didn't need to use his left arm, he wouldn't have a problem and then it came to him he had an ace bandage in his quarters, so he would put that on and then hopefully he wouldn't have to tell Carson anything.
Looking at his watch he realised that it was 0900 hours already and he had slept for hours and even though he'd had some weird dreams, in the end, he'd had a good night's sleep.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Carson looked at his watch again and he was beginning to get annoyed, Colonel Sheppard was half an hour late for his check-up. He was about the contact him when John walked through the door soaking wet.
"Colonel, what the hell have you been doing?"
"Sorry Carson, I went for a run in the rain and then I remembered that I was due in the infirmary at 0900 hours, so rather than getting changed I came straight here."
Carson looked at him for signs of injury or exhaustion and he was presently surprised that he looked well-rested, but then there was the band-aid on his head, so he had obviously hit his head at some point during the night.
"What happened to your head Colonel?"
"Umm… I …think…I might have fallen out of bed last night and hit my head."
"Right, get on the exam bed then and before you start to argue I won't take no for an answer!?" Carson stated forcefully.
Carson watched as John tried to climb up on the bed and he didn't miss the ace bandage on his arm or the wince when he put pressure on his left arm. For now, he decided not to say anything about it to give John time to tell him the truth.
He pulled the band-aid off John's head and his friend winced, "please be gentle Carson, I think you just pulled out some of my hair."
"What a big strong soldier like you, can't take a little pain," he said sarcastically.
John glared at him, "I can handle pain, so why don't you check me over so that I can go and get changed for my meeting."
Carson looked at John and he knew that the Colonel was lying to him, "so Colonel, do you have any other injuries that I should know about?"
"No…. I'm fine," John said, and Carson now knew for sure that he was lying from the hesitation in his voice.
"I know that you are lying to me Colonel, so why don't you tell me what you've done to your arm."
If looks could kill, he would have been dead from the look that John gave him, "I told you I'm fine, now if you don't mind, I have a meeting with Elizabeth!"
Carson had lost his patience by this time, "You will stay here and let me look at your arm, then if I give you permission you may attend the meeting and before you complain that is my final offer!"
"Alright, I'll do as you say. You know what doc you can be really scary at times."
Carson didn't even bother to respond to that comment because at least he had gotten his way. He suspected that the Colonel had only sprained his wrist but he wanted to check it out anyway, just to make sure.
Twenty minutes later when he had checked out John's arm his suspicions were confirmed. John's wrist was only sprained so he put an ace bandage on it and sent him on his way.
Once the Colonel had left the infirmary Carson took a deep breath and tried to calm down. John Sheppard had to be the most stubborn cantankerous man that he'd ever met, but at least he was good at his job and he was also a good friend. There was obviously something bothering him and at that moment he made a promise to himself he would do everything he could to get to the bottom of it.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Elizabeth looked at her watch for the third time within ten minutes and she was beginning to become a little frustrated. The meeting with Colonel Sheppard and Teyla was due to start ten minutes ago and there was still no sign of John.
She looked at Teyla who was sitting patiently across the other side of the table, "Teyla have you spoken to John since he returned from yesterday's mission?"
"He came by my quarters last night stating that he was having trouble sleeping and that he had somehow managed to fall out of bed and hit his head. I do not remember him telling me that he'd had a nightmare, but knowing Colonel Sheppard it is a distinct possibility."
She sighed, the last thing they needed was for John to be having nightmares. She was well aware that John had spent six months separated from Atlantis and his friends, but there should be no reason for that fact to be causing nightmares.
Tapping her earpiece she decided that it was about time to contact him, "Weir to Sheppard come in please?"
"Go ahead Elizabeth."
"You're late for the meeting?"
"Sorry I went for a run in the rain and then I got held up in the infirmary, I'm on my way now, Sheppard out."
After John had broken the connection she turned to Teyla, "do you have any idea why he would be running in the rain?"
Before Teyla had a chance to answer her, John walked in and her immediate reaction was to look for signs of injury or lack of sleep. He was defiantly injured evidenced by the small band-aid on his head and the ace bandage on his arm, but he looked refreshed as if he'd had a good night's sleep.
"Sorry to keeping you waiting," He said, using his best puppy dog eyes, the ones that she couldn't resist.
She smiled at him because as usual, it was impossible to be mad at him for long, "alright, sit down and let's get started. Teyla why don't you tell us what you know of the Hyspergans and what they may be willing to trade with us?"
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
By the time that the meeting had finished, John was bored out of his brain and he had to wonder why they wanted him to go on a diplomatic mission. When he had asked Elizabeth about it, she had told him that the Hyspergans weren't that comfortable in negotiating with women, so he was there as the male representative. He'd nodded and muttered something about backward thinking people and then tried to keep awake for the rest of the meeting.
When Elizabeth announced that the meeting was over, he'd wondered whether he'd fallen asleep or not because he could have sworn he'd seen Teer in the room at one point.
"I'll see everyone at the gate at 0900 for the mission then," Elizabeth announced.
That was fine, but he had to wonder whether it was a good idea to take additional troops, "Elizabeth I would like to take Ronon along as back up and possibly a team of marines?"
"John if you had been listening, you would realise that we have already discussed that." Teyla soothingly informed him.
He vaguely remembered them talking about it, "Yeah I remember, but can you refresh my memory, what did we decide?"
"Ronon and a group of marines will accompany us and remain outside the meeting hall, as a precaution," Elizabeth told him and he could sense her impatience.
"Right, I'll see you at 0900 hours in the morning then."
Elizabeth looked at him with concern, "John are you alright, I can see that you're injured and Teyla told me that you went to her quarters at 0100 hours because you couldn't sleep."
"Look Elizabeth, I was just a little freaked out when you told me that only a couple of hours had passed for you guys and six months had passed for me, but honestly I'm fine. I just want to forget about things and get back to my life. So if you'll excuse me I have some paperwork to do before lunch and then this afternoon I have to supervise some training of the troops."
"Perhaps I will see you for dinner then Colonel?"
"I'll see you in the mess hall at 18:30 and Teyla please call me John?"
"Very well then, I will see you later John."
He smiled and waved at Elizabeth before leaving the room and heading to his office. He knew that he had a lot of paperwork to do and he was out of practice, which was weird because although he had been missing for six months, the paperwork wasn't overdue.
Nearly two hours later, he'd had enough and he wanted to escape from the never-ending pile of mission reports, which he could have sworn was growing by the second rather than getting smaller.
Leaning back he closed his eyes and decided that it was probably a good time for a nap, he had half an hour till lunch and he'd had enough of paperwork.
A gentle voice whispered to him and he wasn't sure if he was awake or asleep, "John, John."
He opened his eyes and found himself in the clearing outside the settlement again and standing in front of him was Teer, Hedda and Avrid.
He blinked hoping that they'd disappear and he'd be back in his office again.
"John your life is in danger, so you must come with us," Teer told him with a desperate look on her face.
"You must make your own decisions John, but she is right your life is in danger," Avrid said with a grim look on his face.
Hedda looked at him and he didn't miss the tears in her eyes, "John, do what you must, but I miss you and I'm worried about you."
John looked around the clearing and then back at the three figures that were staring at him, "why am I here?
Teer looked at him with a look he could only describe as desperation, "we need you to understand that your life is in danger and soon you may die, but if you ascend now you won't have to go through the pain and suffering that will lead to your death."
He shuddered not wanting to think about his death and when it would occur. And pain and suffering was the last thing he needed right now.
He looked straight at Teer, before speaking again, "so why are you here? Surely you're not supposed to be here, interfering in human affairs?"
"We have permission to try and save you, but we have only been given a limited amount of time."
"Well forgive me for not believing you Teer, but I don't believe you can see the future so I would appreciate it if you stopped visiting me,"
"But John you may die," Teer said with pleading in her voice.
"So it's not certain then?"
Avrid cleared his throat and John looked at him, "John it is not certain since the timelines we can see do not give us a clear outcome."
"Well, in that case, I will take my chances. I'm a soldier and my job is to protect people, sometimes I get hurt and one day I may die, but I made my peace with that a long time ago."
Teer reached out and took his hand, "but I believe that you are ready for ascension John and if you don't come with us now it may be too late."
"As I said before you ascended, I'm not ready for ascension and I don't know whether I ever will be."
Teer looked at him with a sour look on her face, "well, in that case, goodbye John."
Avrid came up and hugged him, "goodbye John, I have enjoyed our time together."
Finally, Hedda came up and put her arms around him and he bent down and kissed her on the cheek, "goodbye John."
John watched as his friends faded into the distance and then they were gone and he was standing in the middle of the clearing by himself again.
All of a sudden there was a roar in the distance and a rumble of thunder filled the air and it didn't take him too long to realise what was about to happen, so he willed himself to wake up. But he couldn't and before he knew it he was flying through the air again and he had to wonder why the beast that he had defeated three times, was coming back to attack him time and again. He seemed to remember that Teer and her friends had defeated it in their minds as well. Eventually, he hit the ground with a thump and this time he landed on his left shoulder.
Before he had a chance to get his bearings the beast had picked him up before throwing him through the air and this time when he hit the ground the lights went out.
When he awoke he found himself lying on the floor and his left shoulder was throbbing. Perhaps someone was trying to tell him not to go on tomorrow's mission.
TBC…