Chapter Start

Satella wanted to kill herself.

Now what would make the Witch of Envy, the being feared as a terrifying devil who caused millions of deaths in the great calamity, the force of evil that even the Sage, the First Sword Saint, and the Holy Dragon Volcanica couldn't defeat, want to end her existence right then and there?

Who else besides the greatest idiot of all time, Donald J. Trump.

First Satella had messed up the summoning, she messed up her calculations and got the cheeto haired president instead of the nasty eyed boy that she actually wanted. Now that was fine, she could deal with it, but the fact that the idiot died several times because of the same stupid reason really pissed her off.

Is it so hard to understand that the girl's dad doesn't want you hitting on her? Come on!

To be fair though, he did marry three times, and probably cheated ten times more than that. He is horny incarnate.

At least he finally understood that he wasn't in America anymore.

He now thought he was in Cuba.

Yep, Satella really wanted to kill herself.

-Line Break-

Emilia was out looking for the thief that stole her insignia when she heard a commotion near an appa stall.

"-you think you can make a fool-"

"- sir, I don't know what-"

"-shut up you chinese-"

After seeing a flying apple, Emilia decided she should leave before she somehow got involved in whatever the fuck was happening. After all, she still had to find her insignia.

-Line Break-

A very beaten up Donald Trump was seen walking down an alleyway.

"Fucking bastard Chinese spies, acting as if they didn't know what was going on. They think they're so smart, but they don't know that I figured out that everything that is happening is staged by them. They kidnapped me, brought me to Cuba and are now using me for some sort of staged play. Maybe if I…"

Seemed like he was doing the usual. Spitting shit out of his ass and hoping it would work.

Not this time mate.

While Trump was busy muttering incoherent things to himself, a small purple haired girl was following him listening to every little word he was saying.

'Holy shit, this man is a business genius! I need him in my camp, even if he is a sexist asshole and a racist piece of shit.'

"Heya mister!"

Trump almost had a heart attack from the sudden scream. He is an old man after all.

"What is it you little shit. Can't you see I'm busy over here!"

'I'm already reconsidering my plan to enlist him.'

"Well, I wanted to know if ya would be willing to join my camp. You're really smarter mister! I can promise ya a lot of benefits."

"Tch, go camping with you? I'm no pedophile, nor am I desperate enough to go with a filthy chinese! I don't need your benefits, get lost!"

Anastasia felt a couple days of her life span be shaved off from her anger while she struggled to keep a smile plastered on her face.

'Pedophile? Just 'cause I'm short doesn't mean I'm a child, not to mention the way you're looking at me! Who said I liked you either ya piece of shit! And what was that about chai-nees?!'

"I meant 'camp' as in a group of people supporting me for queen." Anastasia said through gritted teeth, not that Trump noticed.,

"Queen you say? I thought this was Cuba, looks like I was wrong. Probably England then. After looking at the living conditions I wouldn't be surprised."

Anastasia didn't know what he said, but she was almost positive it was somehow offensive.

That's just the vibe he gave off. The vibe of an incredibly idiotic old man.

"Ya know what? I can't deal with your shit anymore. I'm out. Bye."

Anastasia was never the type to be patient.

"I'll get your business secrets eventually! Mark my words!"

With that final remark Anastasia left the alleyway and went to find Mimi.

All the while Trump could only stare at her petite figure as she walked away. He had been extemely turned on by that small interaction and would literally fuck anything at this point.

As Trump began to walk away he saw a small doll on the floor.

'I guess this will have to do'

Zipppp

Welp that's enough of that, no need to know what happens next.

Chapter End

A/N

I should have probably clarified this in the first chapter but I'm not trying to be political or anything, I just thought this would be a funny fic idea. Now, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I personally don't know what to think of it, so your reviews would be much appreciated.

Now on the reviews:

BigSmokeYeet: We're getting there, don't worry.

alankordel958: Oh no, what have I done.

The 1st of 5 deaths: Brains are kind of expensive, so how about no?

PowerLifter: Hah, joke's on you I'm actually 14.

Well that's it for today's installment of Trump IF, see ya guys next time, bye!