Stage II - Anger
Ladybug stood in the alley way adjacent to the hospital entrance, holding Chat Noir in a princess carry like he'd done before for her. The sun was bright in the sky, birds flew by, and children played in the distance like any other afternoon. The shade of the alley way was all that hid them away from the blissfully unaware public while Ladybug paced frantically.
Still on the adrenaline high, she contemplated what to do. She'd brought him to the hospital, but she couldn't just give them Chat Noir! What about his identity? The staff would see his kwami and they would see him detransform, his identity would be compromised.
Ladybug anxiously paced, trying to determine the best course of action. She had to think quickly, she didn't have time to think of a fool proof plan, lucky charms wouldn't help her now either - even if she hadn't already used it.
Her miraculous chirped for the second time. She had three minutes to decide. Scratch that, she didn't have any time, she could feel Chat's blood drip off him and seep into her suit.
She crouched to allow the ground to help hold him while she freed one of her hands. Ladybug shut her eyes tightly and went with the only think she could think of.
"I'm sorry Chat, I don't have any other choice." She apologized as she took the black cat miraculous - Chat Noir's ring - from his finger. A green light enveloped his body and revealed the young Adrien Agreste, covered in blood and still unconscious in her arms. Ladybug froze, of all the people, she least expected Adrien. Her classmate, her friend, her crush. All the same as her faithful cohort in crime fighting.
Tears erupted from her eyes and she covered her face in shock. She held back heart broken sobs and picked him back up to run him into the hospital entrance. She walked through the door, his lifeless body in her arms and tears streaming down her face. "Somebody please help him!" She pleaded. "I-" She stammered, "I found him near where-" Her voice cracked and she struggled to get the words out. "Near where I fought the akuma with Chat Noir."
Suddenly they were swarmed with nurses and doctors calling out various terms and unfamiliar words. They guided him onto an empty bed and wheeled him away from her sight. Everything was happening so quickly.
Ladybug felt the lump in her throat grow, but she was still in shock and she couldn't have the staff realize who he was to her. She couldn't hint in any way that he was Chat Noir, even if that meant stifling her cries.
A nurse approached Ladybug and put a hand on her shoulder in attempt to calm the panicked super hero. "Do you know who he is?" The nurse asked.
Ladybug choked on her words, she couldn't speak and felt like she was going to be sick. She was completely shell-shocked.
"We're going to do our best for him." The nurse assured her. "Do you know what happened exactly?"
"Uhm…" Ladybug started "Pythreat bit him." She mumbled, still trying to fully grasp the situation at hand while simultaneously not trying to show her attachment to him.
Her miraculous chirped, bringing her back to her own situation. "I'm sorry." Ladybug told the nurse. "I have to go." She said and left the hospital in a rush, but couldn't decide where to go, as if she were suddenly lost without her partner.
Ladybug wandered around outside the hospital, pacing on her decision of what to do. Should she go home? Detransform and go back into the hospital? No, it would be too soon. How would a classmate know he was there only five minutes later?
Ladybug's miraculous chirped for the fourth time. She looked around, searching for a safe place to break her transformation. She ran into the park across the street and behind a row of bushes that lined a stone wall, just in time for the miraculous to sound a fifth time and release her from her duties as Ladybug. Only this time, her duties weren't complete. Chat Noir - Adrien - was in the hospital right now, probably connected to countless tubes and monitors surrounded by a team of nurses and doctors working to save his life, but she was here, in this empty park, safe and unharmed.
It was her fault. Why did it have to be Adrien? Of all people, Chat Noir was Adrien.
It should have been her. Pythreat should have hurt her.
It should have been her.
These ideas echoed in her mind, tainting her thoughts with all her mistakes. Marinette sat down on one of the park benches nearby in an attempt to collect herself. She gave Tikki a cookie from her purse and wiped away the tears that streamed down her face.
Marinette took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's alright. He'll be okay, the hospital will take care of him."
Tikki hovered in front of Marinette, worry painted on her face. "Don't be too hard on yourself Marinette, you did your best."
That wasn't true. Ladybug wasn't at her best.
"It's my fault Tikki!" Marinette cried. Her voice full of anger and frustration for only herself. "If only I'd taken better care of myself like he told me, he wouldn't be fighting for his life in the hospital right now!" Marinette screamed at the kwami.
In the distance a mother guided her child away, fearing Marinette's tone and the absence of the person she was talking to.
"I can't even tell anyone. I'm going to have to live with the guilt of putting him in the hospital. Only you and Plagg will know." Marinette slumped over, head in her hands. "Plagg…" She sobbed. She took the black cat miraculous from her pocked and slipped the ring on her finger, manifesting the kwami in front of her.
"Mari-"
"Plagg I'm so sorry." Marinette cut him off with her sobs.
The usually combative kwami kept silent, simply sitting on her leg. "It's okay. He'll be alright."
Marinette's sobs intensified, worsened by the intense guilt she was feeling.
"Tikki?" Marinette sniffled.
"Yes?" The kwami asked gingerly.
"Spots on." Replied Marinette. Light enveloped her body and she emerged as Ladybug once again.
She looked across the street to the hospital where she'd left Adrien. She took a deep breath to calm herself again and swung her yo-yo to catch a tree, propelling her into the sky and toward her home.
Her whole body hurt from crying and she was more tired than ever now. She could have walked or taken a bus home, but she didn't want the looks of strangers staring at her puffy red eyes, nor their judgement. She also didn't want to explain it to her parents when she would walk through the door. Aside from her crying face, she'd been gone for hours. School ended a long time ago and they just warned her last night to tell them when she was going to be out late. She couldn't handle that again now.
Ladybug swiftly landed on the balcony and detransformed, immediately entering her room. She was hungry and she was tired, though she didn't want to face her family just yet.
Marinette turned on her bathroom light and looked at herself in the mirror. "It's like I'm still wearing my mask." She scoffed as she gently traced the red outline around her eyes. She couldn't go downstairs looking like this.
As she walked by her desk Marinette pulled the tin of sweets she kept hidden. "Here Tikki." She said as she opened the tin. "You too Plagg."
She climbed on her bed, planting herself face down on her pillow. Her bed was so comfortable, more than it had ever been before. After such an emotionally and physically exhausting day, Marinette felt like she would never move from this spot again.
Just when she felt herself finally start to truly calm down and understand what happened today, a wave of emotions hit and she felt like the weight of Adrien's life was on her. Her sobs returned and she lay in her bed crying until the tears fell no more and the pain was gone.
Marinette was awakened by the soft sunlight shining through her window and onto her face. She slowly opened her eyes and sat up, feeling thoroughly refreshed, something she hadn't felt after waking up in a few days.
The light shining in her eyes was blocked suddenly by something floating in her vision. Tikki? No, it was Plagg. Memories of the day before flooded her mind, tears started to well in her eyes, but she quelled the feelings before they had the opportunity to overwhelm her again. She wiped her eyes and held out her hand for Plagg to sit on.
"He'll be okay Plagg." Marinette comforted the kwami.
Marinette stretched and got out of bed, going to her closet to get clothes for the day.
"What time is it anyway?" Marinette asked as she picked up her phone from her desk.
6:47AM.
Her eyes widened, it was that early? I guess that's what you get for going to bed at 8PM. She felt her stomach rumble and then twinge from hunger. Without breakfast or dinner the day before, she was starving. "Do you two want breakfast? I'm going to see if Papa started baking the bread yet. It's the weekend, but it should be early enough."
The two kwamis looked at each other. Was it just them, or was Marinette suspiciously okay after what happened yesterday?
"If you don't mind." Tikki responded.
Marinette went downstairs to the bakery where she found her father putting a tray of pain au chocolat in the oven.
"You're up early dear." He said, seeing her pick a palmier and a croissant from the cooling racks.
"Yeah," Marinette paused. How could she explain this, without actually telling him anything? "It was an early night and I haven't been sleeping well lately, I guess it caught up with me." She replied.
Her father raised his eyebrows in surprise. "We missed you at dinner last night. Were you at Alya's again?"
Marinette smiled. "Yeah, I guess I just missed you guys when I came back." She raised the pastries as if to cheers. "Thanks for breakfast!" She said, and went back up stairs.
A few minutes later Marinette returned to her room with the two pastries on a plate, and a hot cup of her favourite hibiscus tea. She sat down at her desk and nibbled on her palmier.
Both Plagg and Tikki looked at her anxiously, she was clearly in denial, but they didn't want to bring up the chance that Adrien might not be okay. It wouldn't help her mental state right now, and they didn't know if in a few weeks or months he might recover and be able to leave the hospital.
This awkward liminal stage between Adrien being hurt and recovering was going to be tough. It was clear that Marinette wasn't going to accept what had happened any time soon, which made it rather uncomfortable, especially for Plagg.
Ladybug soared through the Paris night sky, her otherwise uneventful evening interrupted by another attempt at stealing her miraculous starring Mr. Pigeon for the umpteenth time. When would Hawk Moth give up? Mr. Pigeon was more like a nuisance than anything at this point. Surely Hawk Moth didn't think that because Chat Noir hadn't been with her lately that Mr. Pigeon would be able to win and capture her miraculous after so long.
"I don't have time for this Mr. Pigeon." She said, her voice dripping with animosity. She stood atop a roof, yo-yo in one hand, lucky charm in the other, just waiting for the opportunity to strike.
Mr. Pigeon stood on a platform composed of pigeons in the sky above her as he called upon additional pigeon minions to dive bomb her as she attempted to formulate a plan.
"Where's your precious partner? Chat Noir?" Mr. Pigeon taunted her, having known from Hawk Moth that Chat Noir was unlikely to make an appearance, having failed to show up for the last few akumas he released.
Ladybug's eyes filled with rage. How dare he ask about Chat Noir? Chat would be here if it weren't for Hawk Moth. She leapt atop a chimney, gently tossing her lucky charm in the air - a souvenir keychain of the Eiffel tower - and catching it repeatedly. "Ask Hawk Moth where he is."
"Oh aren't you intimidating today?" Mr. Pigeon chuckled. "I'm so scared."
Without saying a word, Ladybug threw the keychain, pointed side toward him, like a dart with all her might at the bird whistle that hung around his neck, the same item that was akumatized each time Mr. Pigeon made an appearance.
The whistle shattered instantly upon impact. Ladybug caught the detransformed Mr. Ramier and set him on the ground as she picked up her lucky charm to throw it in the air and restore the minimal damage Mr. Pigeon did to their immediate surroundings.
A confused Mr. Ramier thanked the superhero. Ladybug didn't acknowledge his thanks, she only defeated the akuma to ensure Paris' safety and for all its citizens. She didn't save Mr. Ramier, she saved everyone from him.
She wasn't usually the type to truly hate someone, hold genuine grudges, or act on feelings of revenge, but this was different. It had been a week since the incident. He was her friend, her crush, and her partner in fighting crime. She wasn't going to let Hawk Moth get away with this. She could take care of the akumas on her own if she had to.
Ladybug swiftly left the scene of the attack and out of the sight of Mr. Ramier. It was still early in the day, the fight didn't last long, hardly 15 minutes. Ladybug swung between buildings, making her way back to Francois Dupont middle school, detransforming into Marinette as she arrived and was just outside the school grounds.
Marinette casually walked into the school and subsequently the classroom to take her seat beside Alya, continuing her lessons.
"You okay?" Alya asked.
Marinette nodded. "Yeah, I guess lunch just didn't agree with me, but I'll be okay. I got some anti-nausea medicine from the nurse." Marinette explained as she picked up her pen to continue the worksheet they'd been working on.
"Are you sure this wasn't…" Alya paused and leaned closer to Marinette, "An Adrien thing?" She asked in a whisper.
"I'm fine." Marinette replied bluntly.
Alya was taken aback by Marinette's sharp response. "Okay, sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were alright." Alya replied in defence.
It had only been a week, but Marinette had already gone through an assortment of overpowering emotions. At first she was in denial about Adrien's condition; telling herself that he'd be okay and back to fighting with her in no time. Since then, her feelings of denial evolved. Now she was more angry and irritable than she'd ever been before. She was taking her emotions out on her friends and family. She didn't mean to, but who could she talk to? She had no way to really vent her emotions. Tikki and Plagg were the only ones who could even begin to understand what Marinette was going through. Marinette didn't feel like she could talk to Plagg though, he's been missing Adrien too and it wouldn't be fair to him. That only left Tikki to comfort Marinette, but it wasn't fair to lay all those feelings on her kwami either. Tikki was Marinette's responsibility, not the other way around.
Marinette finished her school day in silence. These days she would go home, finish her homework, then leave again to patrol the city as Ladybug. Everyday she would patrol, that's what she filled all her free time with now. It was rare that Hawk Moth would send two akumas in one day, but she couldn't take any chances anymore. She wouldn't let what happened to Adrien happen to anyone else. She had to project Paris. She had to protect him.
Marinette lay in her bed, it had been a particularly bad day. All her feelings had snuck up on her and she was being overwhelmed. Despite the fact that it was a thursday, she refused to leave her room. Her parents tried to convince her to go to school, but they at least knew that just being good friends with Adrien that this was tough on her.
It had been three weeks since the incident and Adrien still hadn't woken up. Marinette was going on constant patrols around the city whenever she had free time like some sort of vigilante fueled only by her feelings of hatred for the villain who theoretically killed her hypothetical lover.
Or maybe that was what happened. Maybe her lover had been killed by the villain.
Adrien wasn't her lover, and he certainly wasn't dead. If only she'd known his identity before all this happened, things could have been different. If he had known Marinette and Ladybug were the same person, would his feelings for her have been different? He'd made so many passes on Ladybug, but only ever said he was just good friends with Marinette. Was it because Marinette was just the klutz in his class, or was he holding out for Ladybug? She'd always seen Chat Noir as obnoxious and annoying at times, but as Adrien he had a reputation to uphold, he couldn't let his fans see his messy hair, or hear his bad puns.
None of this mattered anymore. It was all Hawk Moth's fault this was happening.
A fiery rage grew once again inside Marinette. She sat up on her bed, staring out the window across the room at the Paris cityscape through her window. "I swear," she started, "I will end Hawk Moth's reign of terror one day."
Both Tikki and Plagg were alerted by Marinette's sudden proclamation.
"Marinette?" Tikki called out, hoping to pull Marinette from the spiral of hatred she'd wound herself up in again. "It's okay, he'll be-"
"No!" Marinette cut her kwami off.
Tikki reeled back in surprise at Marinette's aggressive tone. She'd never known Marinette to get this angry.
"He's not going to be okay! His life is forever changed and it's all Hawk Moth's fault! We wouldn't have to be super heroes and risk our lives protecting Paris if it wasn't for that- that son of a bitch!" Marinette buried her face in her hands, trying to ground herself and come to terms with her emotions again.
She stood up and opened the door to her balcony. "I'm going to go out on patrol again. Plagg, you stay here."
Before Marinette could call on Tikki, she heard a knock at her bedroom door.
"Marinette?" She heard her mother call from the other side.
"Yes?" Marinette asked, the balcony door still open, ready for her escape.
"I brought Alya over, can we come in?"
There was a short moment of silence before another voice spoke, Alya's. "Hi Marinette."
Marinette huffed, then shut the balcony door. She motioned for the two kwamis to hide while she got down from her bed and opened the trap door entrance to her room.
"Hi Alya." She greeted her friend.
Alya stepped up into her room, making herself at home as she'd done many times before.
"I'll let you two girls talk." Sabine said as she went back downstairs, closing the trap door behind her.
Marinette stood, leaning against her desk, looking at Alya who was seated comfortably on her chaise long. "Did Maman ask you to come here and talk to me?" Marinette asked, her tone cold and expression unforgiving.
Alya sighed. "Marinette," She started, wondering how to explain this without hurting her more. "We're worried about you. Not just your parents, but me, Nino, Juleka, Rose," Alya laughed, "Even Chloe is wondering where you've been!"
Marinette scoffed. "I told you all, I'm fine."
Alya stood up from her seat and began to approach Marinette. "No, you're not. Can't you see yourself? You've never been this mean to me before. We're best friends, remember?" Alya paused to gather her thoughts before continuing. "You're skipping school, Mari. You've never had the best attendance, but Adrien's accident clearly hurt you."
"You wouldn't understand." Marinette mumbled. It was true, of course Alya had no idea Adrien was Chat Noir and she Ladybug, and that the day she was tired would be the reason Adrien got hurt in the first place. She couldn't even tell Rena Rouge as Ladybug. No one could have even an inkling that Chat Noir was out of commission, they might start to piece the puzzle together and Marinette couldn't have that. It would only put Adrien in even more danger.
"I know you liked him so your feelings about this situation are different than mine, but you have to have hope Marinette! You can't let these feelings control you!" Alya cried at the stoic Marinette, standing only feet away, her expression unchanged and distant. "Please." Alya begged as she approached Marinette with arms outstretched.
Marinette remained silent, only uncrossing her arms.
Alya held her in a tight embrace. "We all just want the normal Marinette back." Alya told her, voice cracking as tears formed in her eyes.
Marinette pushed Alya away to look at her and into her eyes. "You'll get the old Marinette back. She'll be back once I take care of some…" She paused, "things." She said, keeping her intentions vague. "Unless Adrien miraculously comes back to us, that may take a while."
Marinette turned away from Alya to contemplate her own feelings for a moment. "He will come back to us Alya." Marinette clarified, almost an ominous air to her words.
Alya stayed with Marinette for the rest of the afternoon into evening and dinner time. They spent most of their time in silence, Marinette waiting for Alya to leave so she could go on patrol like she'd planned to do hours ago.
Despite her circumstance and begrudging attitude to spend time with her friend, Marinette did take advantage of her time. Alya had brought with her all the notes she'd taken in class and copies of the homework handouts for Marinette so she could keep up with the lessons.
It was true that Marinette missed a number of school days since the incident. Between the overwhelming depression of being the reason her partner and friend was dying, and the constant patrols to make up for her mistakes, she was a little preoccupied.
As they were finishing dinner, Marinette cleared her setting, putting her dishes in the sink and proceeded to go back to her bedroom. Once she closed the trapdoor to her room, she sat beside it, waiting to hear the conversation that would inevitably transpire between Alya and her parents.
"Were you able to talk to her?" Marinette could hear her mother ask.
"No, she's still really hurt by it all and I still don't really know why." Alya replied.
Sabine sighed, "Maybe she liked Adrien more than we thought. Do you think it's possible they had a relationship without telling anyone?" She asked Alya, searching for a reason as to why her daughter was so distraught.
Alya shook her head. "I've seen the way Adrien looks at her, I know him, I don't think he could keep it hidden. Let alone Marinette keep it hidden, I can usually read her like a book." Alya replied, an apologetic tone to her voice.
Marinette covered her face, tears streamed down her cheeks. Alya hadn't seen the way Chat Noir looked at Ladybug. He was in love with her and she with him. If only they had known.
Tikki and Plagg began to approach Marinette. Before they could say anything Marinette wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up.
"Tikki we're going out. Spots on." She called to the kwami. Marinette was suddenly wrapped in a white light, emerging as Ladybug.
She quickly opened the door to her balcony, leaping through, and into the night sky. She needed some place to go where she could let out her emotions and regain control over herself. Some place where she could remember everything that's happened, the good and the bad.
Marinette stood atop Trocadéro, looking across the river at the Eiffel Tower. The soft glow of the street lights and the twinkle of the Eiffel tower surrounded her. With few people around, it would be a peaceful scene if not for the conflict she felt. They'd been through so much here, countless akumas, meetings, she'd even spent time with Adrien here.
Adrien.
Feelings of rage coursed through her, consuming her. Hawk Moth, herself, Pythreat, they were all to blame.
Ladybug looked into the star barren sky and let out a heartbroken scream. Her head fell into her hands and her legs gave out, dropping her to the ground. She sobbed, letting her hands fall to her sides she looked through her tears at the bokeh lights of the Eiffel Tower blurred in her vision.
It was then that she was one of the lights move through the sky. She wiped her eyes and calmed her cries. She blinked the remaining tears away to see a single black butterfly fluttering toward her.
"Oh hell no." She said as the butterfly grew closer. "I don't have time for this Hawk Moth!" She called into the sky.
Ladybug spun her yo-yo, waiting for the butterfly to draw closer to her.
"This is your fault!" She cried. "It's your fault he got hurt, so why are you doing this?" Ladybug waited for a reply, but only heard the soft sounds of the distant noises of the city at night. "I know you can hear me!" Ladybug screamed in frustration.
If only she knew who Hawk Moth was and where to find him, she could end his reign of terror once and for all.
She swung her yo-yo at the approaching akuma, purifying it before it had the chance to akumatize anyone, herself included. She released the white butterfly, now purified, into the sky.
This was why she was on constant patrols now. She realized that if she found them, she could purify Hawk Moth's butterflies before they had the chance to akumatize anyone. She was doing this to keep everyone else from getting hurt, but really it was to avenge Adrien. She wanted to have everything dealt with and done by the time he finally woke up. Everything she did was for him, to protect him.
A/N:
While editing the chapters for the third time, I finally watched Truth, Lies, and Gang of Secrets and lets just say my writing is pretty on par with canon? I wish I released this as I was working on it in February.
Regardless, let me know what you think of the story so far! Do you think Marinette's going to try something sneaky?