Earth:?
On the road to Central City 2016
Eagerness filled his veins as he ran on the road to Central City, even if the sole reason was just to pack a bag. His overnight getaway had been eye-opening, to say the least, talking to Oliver had always had been fruitful, the Star City native rich of experience and wisdom, this occasion meaning much more, this time around.
'To think I almost...' Barry shuddered, the thought withering and dying in his brain. In a way, it would be a good thing for him to get away, it was clear his judgment was askew if he was willing to ruin everyone's lives, at the drop of a hand. He pinched the edge of his nose, annoyed. Bad analogy.
His mind filtered through alternate locations, none more intriguing than the one already in mind. One where he couldn't be dragged back if someone chipped a nail or something. A place he could stay if he decided to and nobody would be able to bring him back.
National City. On another earth, a clean slate.
Home of Supergirl, Kara Zor El, the heroine's name making his stomach get tight. Her electrifying blue eyes lighting up a room. To say he missed her was an underestimate, in the short amount of time he was stranded there, it didn't feel like he was stranded at all.
Barry yelped mid-step as he narrowly avoided a semi-truck, his heart thumping rapidly. It would be a lie if Barry said he wasn't excited, because he was. To Barry, he seemingly hadn't had a chance to catch his breath since bestowed these incredible gifts, Thawne and then that bastard Zoom.
The skyline of Central City approached quickly, The scarlet speedster crossing the bridge into city limits. The home was home, even though it left his heart a tattered and bloody mess.
Barry ran past the sign, his first stop was to STAR Labs to grab the nifty Tachyon Enhancer, without it he'd never make it to Kara's earth, wouldn't have in the first place. Running the familiar way he's seemingly run a hundred times, he made it inside, running past the cortex, into the elevator down to the Labs basement.
"Cisco sure has a lot of things down here" Barry mumbled offhandedly, searching around for the device. So far he had come up empty. He opened some boxes, trinkets, and odd ends mostly, a weird pair of glasses among it all.
"That he does," someone behind him chuckled, Barry's eyes widened as he stumbled forward, into said boxes. He hurriedly fought his way onto his back, looking wide-eyed.
Caitlin Snow stood there, an unrecognized look on her face. She fumbled with the necklace that hung around her neck. The fact she didn't laugh gave a small insight into how she was feeling.
"What are you looking for Barry?" Caitlin asked gently, her eyes kind, already have spoken more than she had last night at the get-together.
Barry felt like a real jerk, he knew for a fact Caitlin had been hit hard by the betrayal of Jay, even after Zoom took her prisoner, he was sure she hadn't recovered from her ordeal. Zoom was a cold-hearted lunatic, he didn't stop at Barry, he had to infect everything his demonic little claws touched.
"Hey Cait" Barry smiled, getting up from his position, wiping his hands on his jeans. He bent to pick up his mess when Caitlin interrupted, waving him away.
"Don't worry about the mess Barry, I'm sure Cisco will come to organize it, god knows it needs to be" Caitlin's eyes danced with mirth. The woman just walked closer and offered her hand, Barry shook his head, letting her lead him away.
Caitlin brought them to the elevator, pushing him inside. She pressed a button, leaning against the wall. Barry briefly wondered if the Tachyon device was still down in the basement, it would be an awkward ride back down.
"Cait, I'm looking for the Tachyon Enhancer, do you have any idea where it's at?" Barry asked, he watched silently as a range of emotions crossed the doctor's face before she settled on an expression of thoughtfulness.
Caitlin tilted her head at him, smiling softly, "Of course I do Barry, Harry managed to get it smaller remember?" Barry wanted to facepalm at his foolishness, it was like things were just slipping away from him, more reason for him to take a vacation.
"So it's-"
"Yes, it's still on the back of your emblem"
Barry felt his muscles relax, not realizing he was so wound up. Caitlin eyed him from her spot, the elevator dinging their arrival, the door opening.
Barry followed Caitlin into the cortex, nervous energy building in his system, Caitlin walked over to the computers as Barry went forward to examine his suit.
Barry grabbed hold of the lighting bolt emblem and turned, pulling it free. Sure enough, a miniaturized tachyon enhancer sat pretty underneath. Barry smiled, he was close to being on his way, he put it back onto his suit.
Caitlin took a drink of her now lukewarm coffee, fighting down a disgusting squeak. She traced a finger over some folders, wondering how to go about asking questions. The best way was forward, always forward.
"Going somewhere?" Caitlin started innocently, Barry freezing like a deer in headlights. Barry put his hands behind his back as he looked over at his fellow brunette, his heart starting to pick up in speed.
"Y-yeah, I am.." Barry got out timidly, not meeting Caitlin's eyes. The weight of leaving forms in the pit of his stomach.
Caitlin looked relieved, "Good, nobody would blame you if you didn't come back" Caitlin slamming his heart in his throat, Barry's eyes bulging in surprise, his forest green eyes found the warm brown of his friend's, Caitlin shrugged, taking another unwanted drink.
"Caitlin..?" Barry carefully spoke, "What do you mean?" He didn't want to sound too happy at the prospect of never coming back.
The woman let out a scoff, setting down her mug, walking around the desk, "Barry, this city, it's- its a hornet's nest of tragedy, one after another, you don't deserve to have anymore taken from you, let's be real, how long till the next psycho comes town?"
Barry frowned, not exactly disagreeing with her, "I wish it was that simple Cait, but you know it's more complicated than that" He said, his flimsy words sounding fake to his ears.
Caitlin gained a wild look in her eye, as she stepped closer, "Then make it simple Barry - Barry look at me, remember the time vault? You are going to vanish! You can't let this city take your life!" Caitlin cried as she took his shoulders in her hands, shaking him.
"Cait-" Barry's face cracked with emotion, "I-I can't, I have a duty to Central City" Lies, all lies, nothing was holding him back, as horrible as that thought, Barry truly had nothing here to keep him to stay.
"I'm leaving Central City" Caitlin dropped another bomb on Barry, the meta flinching back harshly as if struck.
"W-what...?" Barry whispered tears gathered in Caitlin's eyes as she nodded, wrapping her arms around herself. Barry couldn't help but feel a little relieved that someone else thought leaving Central City was a good idea too.
"After Ronnie died the first time, I was a husk of my former self, I threw myself in my work with Wells and Cisco, I wasn't- I wasn't myself, I was on autopilot, doing the only thing I knew how to do" Caitlin turned back to the desk, walking back to it.
"When we found Ronnie with Professor Stien, I was so happy, it was like I had a new lease on life. I felt the universe gave me another chance at happiness," Tears rolled down her face. Barry wanted to reach out to his friend, offer some comfort.
"Then he was gone - again, the pain was almost unbearable the second time, I felt like I was the punchline of a bad joke" For the second time that day, Barry felt clueless about his closest friends, deep down they were all hurting, and just like him - they had no clue on how to cope but to keep going.
"I was just turning the page when - Jay - when he showed up and ruined everything!" Caitlin yelled, spinning around and walking to the entrance, she looked back at Barry. Whether or not Barry came back or not, he knew, she wasn't coming back
"Don't let this city destroy you Barry"
He felt his mouth get dry, he wanted to say something - call out to her, offer her to come with him, opening his mouth, he couldn't muster up a word.
Caitlin turned on her heel, walking out, the sound of her footsteps getting farther and farther away. The sound delivering dagger strikes to his midsection.
Even if he decided to come back, he knew for a fact Caitlin wouldn't be here.
Barry stood alone in the cortex, feeling his heart, sink. He slowly turned back to the mannequin, taking his suit off. It felt real, it felt definitive, like there was no going back.
"Goodbye, Caitlin..."
Barry walked normally back to his studio, his thoughts a mess, he didn't want to deal with it, with his thoughts, nothing, just wanted to get back home. Walking into the lobby, he greeted the man at the desk before moving to the elevator, the door closed just as his eyes did.
Arriving, Barry immediately sped around gathering a duffle bag, along with some clothes and necessities. He hadn't made up his mind if he was just taking a vacation or never coming back here. A useless thought to make him feel better. The one thought weighed heavy on his mind, he couldn't just leave Central City defenseless.
Barry ran normally to his bed, sliding to his knees, looking underneath. His eyes caught what he was searching for, a small shoebox. He pulled it from underneath, opening it, plenty of money to last for a vacation or to get him on his feet if he decided to stay.
The Scarlet Speedster flashed into his suit, pulling down his cowl, taking a minute to soak everything in, if he did never return, he would miss this place for sure. It was a step of independence away from Joe, from his mother's murder, from Iris.
Putting his cowl back up, he opened the window, taking a deep breath, he let himself fall into a rum raced off.
The Flash ran around the city one last time, taking in the sights, making sure everything was peaceful. Barry ran to Joe's house, noticing the man's car wasn't home, unknowingly to Barry the man was heading to STAR Labs, on his arrival the man would only find the building devoid of human life, alone note explaining his actions.
Barry left himself inside, pulling down the cowl as he closed the door behind him. Iris was curled up on the couch, eyes closed, boxes of pizza were on the table, along with some leftover beer. Barry sighed softly, moving to the stairs.
Years' worth of memories bombarded him, Barry's various ages all rushing down the stairs, all in different states of moods, happy, sad, ecstatic, angry, many different emotions hit him, deep down he knew - this would be the last time. That's why he was here, he wouldn't have come if he was coming back.
Standing in front of Wally's room - his old room, it was bittersweet being back, seeing how this would be it. Barry gently pushed open the door, Wally West laid on the bed snoozing, peacefully. It made him feel incredibly guilty for what he was about to do, it would be the only way he would be able to leave with a clear conscience after all.
After Barry gave up his speed to save Wally, they still needed a way to defeat Zoom, and that required Barry being a Speedster. In the end, Team Flash concocted a mini Particle Acceleration explosion to replicate the way Barry got his speed.
It didn't work the way they had intended, in the commotion Wally and Jessie had been exposed to the same dark matter Central City did on the night of the explosion. At any rate, the two didn't develop any adverse side effects to the matter and it was dropped entirely.
Barry leaned down and gently grabbed a hold of Wally's hand, letting a trickle of Speed Force energy cross his hand into Wally, the boy's body jerked hard in response, lighting crackling over his body, Wally's body spasmed as the boy's eyes shot open, his mouth opening in a yell.
Barry stood up quickly, jumping back, shocked, pure yellow speed force swirling around Wally, he had never seen the speed force react this with any speedster, himself included.
Without warning a figure busted through the door, startling Barry again, Iris being downstairs was completely lost on him.
"Barry?" He couldn't open his mouth fast enough, her brown orbs quickly taking in the sight of her brother.
"Wally?!" Iris ran forward, scaring him, Barry wasn't sure what was happening exactly, he didn't know how it would react with Iris getting close
"Iris! No, wait!" Barry lifted his arm in warning, the woman touching her brother, the energy exploding outright, flinging the occupants back into the wall. Barry felt his vision get spotty, he groaned lightly from his place on the floor.
"Iris...? Barry? What are you guys doing here?" Wally spoke confused, sitting up. His sister and foster brother were on the floor, he lifted his hands, his eyes widening in panic seeing them vibrate at super-speed.
Barry got one look and smiled, it worked, it worked! He didn't know if it would but he needed to try, not wanting Central City to be without a hero. Wally would be in good hands, he would have Cisco and Iris, and STAR Labs, they built him to be a hero, he would even have Oliver once he found out what Barry did.
Barry's smile dropped, he hoped they would understand once he was gone. The note would explain everything, from his feelings to recent events, it wasn't them, god no it wasn't because of them, they pushed him this far, he owed them everything.
"I'm sorry," Barry croaked, not waiting around, he disappeared, onto the street, into the city, doing the one thing he was good at, running.
He knew they wouldn't forgive him, that's why he couldn't let them try to talk to him, it would end badly. He was a coward, he knew that, that's why he didn't stay around and field questions.
Big crocodile tears rolled down his face, picking up speed, the buildings, trees, and people melted away, his vision blurry as he pushed his legs faster than before, a million thoughts and memories coming to the forefront.
'You have such a good heart, Barry, and it's better to have a good heart than have fast legs'
'I am in awe of the remarkable man that you are becoming... all the things you've achieved and not just as the Flash, but you, Barry. Your honesty, your heart. You were always a hero'
'This is why you became the Flash, Barry. To put things right, you saved a lot of people's lives this past year. Now it's time to save yours.'
Mom, I'm so sorry,
A blue portal rippled to the existence, Barry Allen closed his eyes as he crossed the universal threshold, all around him silent, he felt an unknown pressure leaving his body as he passed, the portal shuddering before disappearing completely, a lone leaf fluttered down from the sky.
Dear Joe,
I want to apologize, apologize for not doing this in person, of all people deserve to hear this straight from me, from my mouth. But I admit, I'm afraid of your reaction, afraid of your immense disappointment, I couldn't have handled it if I had to witness it beforehand, it might've changed my mind altogether, it would've actually, which is why I'm writing this down.
I'm leaving Earth, this Earth to be precise. I'm hoping to find a new life so to speak, in this past year while training I discovered the existences of the multiverse, trippy I know but they do exist, I've been to another world - where nobody knows who I am, where Barry Allen never existed.
People move states, countries for new beginnings, I know you and Iris would search the ends of the world for me, or maybe you would've respected my desire for space, I can't know for sure since we're not having this conversation. While you might be disappointed in me, I couldn't have been prouder to be your son; you took a broken little boy and showed him, love, gave him a home, a family, you showed him the best parts of life - with nothing to gain but a son, I couldn't have asked for a better father.
I want to make it clear, I didn't leave because of you or Iris or anyone else in my life. Central City, it's my home, I love it to death, I would die for this city. But, but it has broken something fundamentally inside me, something I feel like I would never recover from if I stayed.
I know your probably wondering where all this came from and truthfully,
Things aren't always what they seemed. Our fears can play tricks on us, making us afraid to change course, afraid to move on, but usually hidden behind our fears are second chances waiting to be seized. Second chances at life, at glory.. at family.. at love. And these opportunities don't come around every day. So when they do, we have to be brave, take a chance, and grab them while we can - while I can, while I still can.
Thank you, Joe, for everything'
- love your son, Bartholomew Henry Allen / The Former Flash