Brainstorming

San Francisco, California 2004

Dawn came rushing through the door to the apartment, her key dropping on the floor as her concentration was lost in the joke Xander had just told her. He was in charge of Dawn duty when Buffy was at work and although that no longer included watching her 24/7 he did make sure she got home from school safely, when she wasn't staying at his. As the apartment only had two bedrooms, Dawn split her time between staying there and in Xander's spare room, it was easier that way, Buffy could have some space and so could she. And Xander didn't mind, he liked a little company sometimes, just someone to talk to, that kinda understood him. When she went to college this would all wash away and she'd have a dorm, maybe a roommate, which after having all the potentials in the house last year she was sure to find relatively easy. Dawn was used to countless people crowding her space, she hadn't really had her own room for the last two years.

Spotting that Buffy wasn't in fact at work was surprising to say the least, a fact to which Dawn noticed as she popped her head round to the kitchen. Xander too noticed when he trundled through the living room. Buffy was in a bemused sort of smile, notebook in hand, pen in the other, a slight ink stain on her lip from where she'd been chewing it. The phone hanging from its socket, swinging on the wire. Xander tucked it back in its cradle as he walked slowly towards the blonde.

"Buffy? Earth to Buff." He said waving several fingers in front of her face, her eyes were glassy and had a slight unresponsive quality to them. But after a few seconds she came round to sense. Brushing Xander away from her, she set the pad and pen on the counter and addressed the people now standing in her apartment.

"Hey, yeah what?" Buffy replied, not quite noticing the ink on her lip and acknowledging that hours had passed and there was probably a serious phone bill waiting for her next week, not to mention that she should probably be at work right now. Xander also noticed a little note stuck to fridge in Willow's swirly handwriting. Just gone out for groceries be back soon, Will xx.

"Well Buff, we were just wondering what was going on?" Buffy looked oddly confused before looking at her surroundings anew. Xander backed off a little then, as she began to regain her composure.

"Something's happened..." Then Buffy started to explain to Xander and Dawn, they perched themselves on the couch as she recounted the story of the previous night and what Giles had told her since. They seemed to get it, and started to think of their own ideas for things Buffy could wish for.

Dawn stood pondering alone in the kitchen as she made herself a sandwich, it would be a while before the imminent pizza that would qualify as dinner, seeing as Buffy hadn't left the apartment all day. Xander didn't really think he should leave Buffy like this and decided to stay as late as he could, he was finished on his new site for today anyway. Buffy walked up beside Dawn and began tidying away bits and pieces that weren't needed for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"Dawnie what would you do? With a wish I mean." Buffy said slowly, already anticipating the answer. She kinda knew what all of her friends would do but she thought it best to ask, they might surprise her with some wisdom she didn't already have.

"You know what I'd do." Dawn replied, hell bent and focused on her sandwich as she grabbed a plate from the cupboard. Everything in the place was new, they'd had nothing after the battle, with the whole town destroyed. It saddened them sometimes, that they had nothing left, only the little things they had on them at the time. Dawn had grabbed a couple things that would fit in her pockets but really there was nothing. The photo of Joyce was amongst a little collection of photos she'd gathered and stuffed into her back jean pocket, the lost, the forgotten otherwise. The crinkled photo now sat in a frame on the mantlepiece along with one of Willow and Tara smiling and the whole group together. Happy times past and gone.

Dawn looked at Buffy and then at the framed pictures of the dead, "I'd bring mom back." It was obvious when Buffy thought about it, the amount of times Dawn had tried to get her back and how much she missed her, it all pinned towards her. "Or Tara." She whispered softly, but it wasn't enough to bring Buffy out of her memory haze; she was thinking about all the time. How young Dawn was when they'd lost her, how much she'd asked for spells and resurrection especially after Buffy herself had been brought back. But it was a little while after that, that she'd stopped asking. She'd realised what dragging her mom out of heaven would mean. And however much she wanted her mom back she couldn't take her from happiness.

"But I couldn't do it Buffy, I couldn't bring her out of heaven, not after what it did to you." Dawn said slowly, realising how tough this decision really was. Buffy still didn't reply, so she laid a hand on her sister's forearm. "You could anything Buffy, you could have Angel, or Spike back. But none of us can decide this for you." Buffy knew Dawn was right, deep down she knew she would have to decide this for herself.

As Buffy walked through the apartment her legs carried her towards the balcony, somehow being rewarded was real brainwork. She rubbed her eyes as she joined Xander in pondering over the city. It was a busy rush hour and the road traffic beneath them was building into an inevitable jam. Her legs dangled through the railing, feet dropping just below the concrete layer.

"Xand-"

"Anya." Xander replied before Buffy could even finish the sentence. He knew she would ask him, it was her next step of deciding, he'd known her for the better part for eight years, he knew her well enough to predict her. Not as well as he could Willow, but it was close.

"Xander, I don't get you. You proposed, then you left her, then you guys were constantly jealous of each other for a year. But you still don't regret what you did." Buffy kinda rambled through it, it was something to take her mind off the choice. And this was something she had always wanted to know.

Xander looked pointedly before thinking over his past. "I love her Buffy. Love doesn't make sense, you know that. And Anya's different. She's special and I stupidly let her go. I should've told her what I was thinking, actually talked to her about it. But I didn't and now I'm suffering for it. I guess I have to live it, she had a long enough life, she saw almost everything. And I'm almost certain she's not in heaven, but she did change, for moment there I know she changed, she doesn't deserve to be in hell for eternity for something I did. But maybe she'd hate me for it. Like I'd always have it over her. I don't know."

Buffy knew much of what he said was the truth, but he spoke about her in the present tense, she'd never be gone to him. Always with him, something Willow would say. And often did. The only thing that made Xander speak next was the arrival of Willow.