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CHAPTER TWO: STAY
"The great object of life is sensation- to feel we exist, even though in pain."
Lord Byron
AUTHOR NOTES: Hi guys! Welcome back to Chapter 2. Things will begin to pick up in later Chapters. Right now, we are dealing with Rose's grief for Dmitri. Finally, we have Adrian! I hope you guys enjoy this story as much as I LOVE writing it. Best, India
TW: Vomit :(
It was twenty-four hours later when I landed in the snow filled mountain filled pit called Montana. The plane tray in front of me filled with empty pudding cups and glasses of vodka, or something like that. Viktoria would have been proud I hadn't coughed. He would have been too. The intercom interrupted the silence, and the raspy flight attendants voice came out: "Please prepare for landing.". The ding came then the thump of wings then the bodies moving out of the metal bird. My feet carried me without thinking as the harsh air swept across my face, snow whipping into my eyes, and the reality setting in. I was home. It had been months of endless searching for him and somehow, I had made it home alive. I had no idea how to get back to the academy. Zmey hadn't thought this far besides giving me a plane ticket. But as I came to baggage claim, backpack tucked over my frail shoulders, I spotted him.
I froze in the spot perhaps from surprise but maybe from the feeling that rushed into me. The absolute despair and mix of alcohol that crushed into me like a truck. But most importantly the relief that came from seeing him. The wide emerald orbs came crashing onto my face before I ran to him. My legs groaning in resistance as I flung myself into him, Adrian. His arms wrapping around the jutting bones that poked out of me and his hands feeling into my hair. He breathed into my scent as I held onto him almost clinging to him for dear life. He smelt of pine that was wet with the musk of the rain. "You're home... You're alive.". His voice was filled with disbelief as I pulled back from the man that had waited for me. He hadn't changed since I had last seen Adrian. Pale complexion with heart breaking perfect features and the imperfectness that hid behind them. "I'm home, Adrian, miss me, lover boy?". His lips contorted into a grin as he reached forward for my bag, swinging it onto his shoulders. "You ready to go home, Little Dhampir?". They were the most beautiful words I had ever heard as he brought his arms across my shoulders, and we walked from the baggage claim back into my life.
The car ride was simple enough from Adrian's constant checking on me and surprise when I actually took a cigarette from him this time. Clove. It was always clove. The smoke clouding my lungs and out of my lips as we came into the old imposing gates of Saint Vladimir's. I could feel Lissa in the back of my mind as her motions ranged from excitement tosurprise. "Does she know?". He looked at me briefly before turning back in his seat; "Know what, Rose?". I gave him a sharp look with the slight raise of an eyebrow. "No, she doesn't know, not yet at least.". Nodding, I turned back to look out of the window of the town car. The gothic structure before us as the car pulled towards the guest housing. "Adrian, keep it that way, okay?". I didn't know it was hurt on his face or surprisal, but I let go of it as I pushed out of the car into the breeze. It was morning for us. The night had just begun to peak out from its bed. He came out behind me while I moved into the townhouses in the classic style of Saint Vladimir's. Stained glass windows with trimmed bushes on the bottom of the building. The smell of old books and damp filled the corridor as I moved to the familiar rooming. Adrian's housing. He butted in front of me, turning the key, and then motioning me inwards. "Are you staying, Little Dhampir?". He didn't mean just right now but for now it would suffice. "Yes, I plan on it, maybe, I like to keep you on your toes.".
The cigarette was still between my fingers as I moved towards the guest bedroom. I could feel him following behind me just by taking a sniff into the air. Clove, it was always clove. Adrian leaned slightly in front of me towards the light switch, illuminating the bedroom. It was simple but, in some ways, it was paradise. The bed was made with linens that looked like something I would have loved. Pillows in a soft burgundy and the rest of the room decorated in a similar color palette. "How long have you been planning on getting me in here, hm?" Adrian barely laughed as he took a seat on the lounge chair in the corner of the room. "Been dreaming of it since the day I met you, Little Dhampir.". It was probably true knowing Adrian. He was always dreaming of something. I took a seat on the corner of the bed, sinking into the fabric. "Are you okay, Rose?". I could see how badly he wanted me to be from the way he waited in anticipation. "I've never been better, Adrian, don't worry, I'm just tired.". He nodded before letting out a brief exhale from his lips. They were chapped from my inspection.
Adrian walked over to the bed, leaning slightly down to me, before pressing his lips onto the flat of my forehead. It was chaste, quick. "I'm glad that you are home." I tried to smile for him as Adrian pushed away from the bed, leaving me. Adrian took once last glance before moving from the bed back out to the hallway, clicking the door behind him.
In that instance, I was finally alone. I could tell Adrian wasn't lurking. I leaned back onto the bed as the weight of my chest collapsed onto me. The feelings creeping back into me. It was pain but somehow it was a feeling I hadn't felt before. Grief. This was grief for the man I had loved and had burned too quickly for. The burgundy sheets consumed me as I buried myself deeper into their embrace, staring at the ceiling. Dmitri was gone. He was gone and I had killed him. Zmey was right. It was harder being the one who survived.
The ceiling gave me no companionship. I bid it farewell as I came to the bathroom that adjourned the bedroom. My hand felt around briefly in the dark before grasping the switch. The lights came flickering on as I walked into the bathroom. The large bathtub before me and the sink set with the startling mirror. I moved in front of it and I did not see myself. I did not see Rose Hathaway who won men with a smile. There was no girl who ran emboldened in love.
Instead, Rose Hathaway stared back at me in the shell of an empty husk. Her face was bare of warmth. Cheekbones too harsh and jarring. Her eyes sunken in and devoid of expression or of life. Weight gone from her body, dressed in too large clothing. Rose Hathaway was gone.
I left the mirror as my shoulders began to shake harder by every footstep towards the bathtub. My heart beating out of my chest at a million miles as if it would explode. "Oh, god... Oh god.". My hand ran over my mouth as the vomit ejected out of me onto the marble flooring. Everything came out of me as I heaved the contents of my stomach onto the perfect floors. My feet covered in the lumps of vomit. "He's gone, he's gone.".
I heard the door outside the bedroom creak and the soft footsteps against the ancient wood. Adrian's fist knocking against the hard wood. "Rose, are you alright?!" His voice full of concern for me. "Yes, Adrian, I'm fine, promise!" I heard the figure slunk against the bathroom door before it opened. "Like what you see?" I knew normally Adrian would love this from his "Little Dhampir" but his expression was far from lust nor passion. It was consumed in the grasp of grief. Ironic. "You look, horrible." It was straight to the point, sharp, cold. "Siberia does that to you." Adrian moved from the entry of the bathroom door to the rack of towels. Plush, expensive. He took one off the shelf and came behind me, enveloping my frame into the softness of the ivory towels. "Let's get you cleaned up, okay, Little Dhampir?" My frame shook as he led me towards the shower. There was nothing sexual as Adrian guided my trembling frame to the marble shower. Rose Hathaway had never been weak before in front of anyone except him, Dimitri. But here I was in the pool of my own vomit as Adrian studied me with a look I had never seen before. He was scared. Not because of me but for me.
The time that went from Adrian entering the bathroom back into the warmth of the shower seemed to last eternity before the droplets hit my frame. I hissed as the water scorched down my bare skin. Adrian stood beside me in the shower, clothed. "Not your idea of a shower, is it?" The laughter was forced from my lips. He shook his head before rubbing the soap up and down my arms, adjusting me as he saw fit. I could see his eyes examine the bare skin from the marks on my neck to the pieces that the Estate saw fit to give me. It was my last piece of him. Adrian said nothing, did not ask, but instead slowly worked the soap up and down my skin. "Thank y-you, Adrian.". Yet again, he said nothing, soap working up and down my frame. "He's dead, I did it.".
There was finally no more feeling of the water as the last droplets leaked from the shower head. His arms missing from my body to be replaced with the soft of the towel.
"Now you look better, Rose.". There was a hint of hope hidden in his words. "Do you want Lissa to come?". My head shook at the idea of my best friend seeing me like this. I did not want Lissa seeing her strong Guardian brought down by the loss of her mentor, lover, and friend. "Not yet, not yet, Adrian.". His head shook slightly perhaps in disappointment, but he continued to lead me from the bathroom, avoiding the vomit, back to the bed. Adrian placed me down onto the silk sheets as I was still clad in my towel; "Trying to get me naked already?" It was a weak attempt at a joke. Adrian smiled softly in a way that was more of a smirk "I've got better ways don't worry, Little Dhampir." He leaned forward reaching into a drawer that I had not known existed. Motioning for my legs, I placed them onto Adrian's lap as he slid soft cotton socks up my feet. They were red.
There was a soft pause in my vision as the beady eyes appeared before me. Eyes rimmed with red and bulging. His face flashing before I could feel the burning in my neck. He was there, Dmitri. Then I felt him, Adrian, pulling me back into reality. His face full of concern as he stared at my shaking frame. "Are you alright, what happened, Rose?"
"It's okay, Adrian, just blanked out for a minute." He stared at me not quite believing what I said. Adrian kept placing articles of clothing onto me, adjusting me as we went. "You don't have to do this for me." "Yes, I do, Rose." I couldn't begin to understand his kindness, the selflessness that Adrian had gifted me in these moments. "You're all done, okay?" He tucked me back into the covers, hiding away my legs. Adrian moved up from the bed ready to leave.
"Spend the night.". There was a freckle of disbelief on his face as he moved to the door, turning the lights off. "Please, Adrian, stay." But just as I thought he was going to the bed sagged as he climbed in beside me. "Thank you." It was the simplest thing I could say to him, but it worked. "I'll see you in your dreams, Little Dhampir.". I could only say the thing old Rose would say: "I always see you in my dreams."
It was true.