Mr. Clean and Chef Boyardee
Author's note: insert some depressive cryptic message here like I always do. hello it is I the cringlord.
Mr. Clean slapped Chef Boyardee again. "HEY! WAKE UP!"
Chef startled awake yet again. "STOP FUCKING SLAPPING ME AWAKE YOU FUCKTATIC LEMON SCENTED FUCK!"
"Let's have sex."
"Fine, but I'm topping like the toppings you COMPLAIN ABOUT MY FOOD NOT HAVING."
"NO, I AM TOP."
The two got into a brawl rolling around on the bed and then crashed onto the floor furiously rolling around. They slammed into the nightstand knocking the lamp over shattering it and then rolled outside the bedroom and then down the stairs crashing into the kitchen knocking over chairs, plates, jars shattering glass all over the floor.
"FUCK YOU!" Screeched the bald man and the two continued rolling, flipping sides, trying to be the top one.
"GO FUCK YOUR FACE!"
"GO FUCK YOUR HAT!"
"YOU'RE A FUCKING BALD SHITHEAD!"
They rolled on out the front door and down the stairs into the parking lot, neither of them giving up or wanting to make a compromise. They continued rolling, flipping over until their brawl crashed into a Walmart. The greeter at the door sighed not bothering to interfere. "Another fucking day at Walmart."
They crashed into a cash register where a blue toucan worked. It infuriated this bird and he bent over and gave the two brawling men the Pigeon Treatment before resuming his work. This caused the two to finally stop fighting and stood up in disgust.
"OH BIRD SHIT!" Shouted Mr. Clean. He hated when birds pooped on his clothing.
"Fuck, this is gross. Let's go home."
The two went home and sat at the table in the middle of their crashed, broken, burning house. Glass shards and slime all over the floor.
"Well fuck wow." Muttered the Chef. "AS PER FUCKING USUAL YOU SUCK AT CLEANING!"
"HEY, I'M DEALING WITH DEPRESSION. FUCK OFF! YOUR COOKING SUCKS!"
"GO TO HELL AND DIE, CLEAN FUCKER!"
Mr. Clean slapped the chef and the chef slapped back. The two continued to slap each other for hours until they collapsed on the floor breathing heavily.
"Fuck you."
"Fuck you."