Subaru woke up to the feeling of falling… and falling he is.
Around him was a confusing meld of several uneven colors, dominated by black. Hypnotizing waves and neons, shades changing every second… the void of his mind truly was a work of art.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk."
And of course, he was here too.
"I already told you countless times. You were too soft! Now they bit you back like that," A carbon copy of his voice belittled him from somewhere. If only this fucker had a physical manifestation…
"Should've whipped those bitches up and showed them who's boss. Now they fucking stabbed you in the back." He heard a laugh. "How does it feel to be such a retard?"
"Shut the fuck up." He wasn't in the mood to be scolded by this idiot. "I already lost, I'm fucking sealed forever. No sense in chastising me now."
"I'm not chastising you, geez." That annoying laugh again. "I'm just reminding you so don't do the same mistake again, cuz you know, you're an idiot…"
Before Subaru could make a comeback, 'his' next words caught him off guard.
"Look at you. You do realize you're just talking to yourself this whole time, right?"
Subaru's smiling face froze. That was right. Nobody was with him, nor was there any kind of 'second consciousness' or split personality going on with him. He was genuinely just talking to himself.
Subaru combed up his silver hair, sighing. That was most likely his true desires just speaking for himself. He stopped being a human a long time ago. He still doesn't understand what he forfeited, but if Satella's words were anything to go by, it would've been just his naivety, morality, and common sense…
He swears those didn't sound that much when he was still a human.
Ever since then, he has been easily angered by every little thing and felt an indescribable emotion when he was with his beloveds.
He could understand lusting for Emilia and Rem, as out of character as that was to him already, but… he knew something was wrong when he felt it on every woman he simply passed by.
It doesn't matter who they were. Be they someone he's closed with, like Ram, Frederica, and Crusch, or someone he just randomly met on the village. He'll gain an uncontrollable urge to push them down and mark them as his.
That was weird enough already, but when he almost lost his first time to someone he never even thought he'd do it with, he knew he regrets selling those three things that made him humane back then.
There was that one night when the deranged and broken Petra 'attacked' him and-
Subaru blinked, his lips a straight line. If Frederica didn't interrupt them then, he and Petra of all people would have done the deed.
And you know what's even scarier?
He barely feels anything about it now.
The old Subaru would be terrified, even disgusted at himself for even just thinking about it. Petra was a precious little sister to him, after all. He treated her the same as he would to Beatrice. Just the mere idea of being romantically attracted to Petra should be enough for him to go die in shame. But now… he could care less.
"Subaru, you know…" Minerva gave him a shaky laugh, not looking at his eyes. "You're kinda crazy, aren't you?"
But then again, he's already been somewhat abnormal even before his transformation. The witches made this clear to him back at the sanctuary; any other normal human wouldn't have lasted as long as he did. His 'mental fortitude' was inhumane. True, he did despair and lost hope more than once, but… once he got his second wind, he'd be back better than before, like nothing even ever happened.
Maybe he was insane already to begin with. Was it just his moralities holding him back?
He couldn't help but chuckle at that idea. Well, everything was over anyway. He's trapped here for eternity, so all these thoughts are just mere regrets to him now…
"Eh. Actually, I could've probably just snagged a slave maid from the castle and nobody would've batted an eye." Those who chose to submit to him ended up being slaves. Broken and unresponsive as they may be, he knew there were some with decent faces among them…
Forget 'bat an eye', they were already his possession anyway. Who has the right to chastise him for that? He can do whatever he wants to them.
"Yeah… that's right…" Subaru closed his eyes, slowly nodding.
If he was just a bit greedy, a bit envious, nobody would've left him.
He could've simply stopped Otoo from leaving him. Force him if he needed to.
Garfiel wouldn't have attacked him if Otto was still here. Otto knows what would happen if he did, after all.
Petra… He would've given more attention to Petra. Much, much more…
Beatrice was depressed, too. Perhaps he could've taught her a different way of 'dealing' with it…?
Rem wouldn't have accidentally killed Ram if she wasn't an enemy in the first place. That's right, he should've just dragged her to him, whether she liked it or not… Roswaal didn't deserve her, anyway.
And Emilia…
Subaru frowned.
Maybe Emilia would've stayed with him if he actually made an effort to show her that he loves her.
She definitely would. Subaru knows it.
"Haaah… regrets, regrets." His eyes closed, Subaru shook his head while smirking. "I really missed out on things, didn't I?"
He chuckled, just before he heard a very familiar sentence.
"Hey, boy. Gonna buy these appas or not?"
"Emilia-sama, over here!"
"H-Huh? Wait, Ram, where are you?!"
The pink-haired maid paused and looked back, only to see her poor master getting bodied by the noon marketplace's crowd. Ram wondered if she should just throw these humans away herself, but knew she'd make too much of a commotion if she did.
Actually, weren't there too many people? She knew the marketplace can get quite crowded but... this is too much. The only reason why she's so much ahead than Emilia was because she didn't mind 'pushing' people away.
"Don't break from the line! Please don't run and kindly go back to your houses for now!"
Once Emilia finally caught up to her maid waiting on the roadside, they heard a loud voice screaming through the crowd's noise. A few walk away they spot a handsome man, wearing an official knight's uniform. His hair was colored a light purple.
"We can ask that knight to help us, Ram." The hooded half-elf made a small smile, which shortly fell after she finally noticed just what was happening around her.
"You two, it's dangerous here," said the knight as he approached the confused Emilia and impassive Ram, his face quite weary and concerned. "Please return to your houses until further notice."
Ram knew it'd be a bad idea if he sees her lady, so she opted to talk to him instead. "Knight-sama, an important item has been stolen from my lady."
The knight glanced at the hooded half-elf, her magical robe helping hide her identity. He gave her a sorry smile, lightly bowing.
"Apologies ma'am, but I'm currently responding to an emergency warning issued to us knights." He warily looked around them. "Some panicked citizens reported a monster suddenly appearing from a nearby street around here. We still haven't confirmed it, but we suspect it might be a wild demon beast."
Ram narrowed her eyes. "A demon beast managed to sneak into the Capital?" Even Emilia was visibly shocked from hearing this.
"That's what we're wondering about." The knight once again bowed at them, now walking away. "Once everything calms down, please report it to our headquarters. We'll gladly help you then."
"We understand." Ram bowed back. "Farewell, knight-sama."
As he walked away, the two stared at each other, one looking worried and the other with their ever passive face.
"Emilia-sama, please go back to the carriage. It's too dangerous." The maid eyed the crystal hanging from the half-elf's necklace. "Not to mention Puck-sama is still resting."
"No. I can defend myself, Ram." Emilia began to walk towards an alleyway. "Let's go!"
"Emilia-sama… the thief went the other way."
Ram just closed her eyes to save her lady from her embarrassment.
Felt glanced behind her, smiling as she finally lost that screaming girl. If she didn't want this to get stolen, maybe she should've guarded it much better.
Besides, it's just one piece of jewelry, right? That girl looked beautiful, not to mention her outfit. She's most likely a rich noble from somewhere.
'They probably have tons of these in their mansion.' She pondered why that girl even gave chase to her. 'Greedy rich people, really…'
The blonde thief just shook her head. She needs this one so she and Rom can finally leave the slums for good. It's just one tiny jewel, but the contractor was willing to pay twenty holy gold coins! When she heard that offer, she knew this was her chance. There's no way she's going to fail this one.
Right ahead of her, she could see two people… running towards her?
'Wait, are they with that girl?!' She thought in panic. But before she could continue her thoughts, the pair just ran past by her without even a glance, screaming.
"F-Fucking monster!"
"AAAHHHHH!"
Felt turned around and stare at them, slowly processing what she just heard.
"A monster in the middle of the city?" She raised an eyebrow. Those guys were probably just hopped up on drugs. She might hate Lugnica, but if there's one thing it's good at, it's keeping the crime rate around it low. She as a thief knows this by experience.
Turning back, all she saw was darkness, with a tiny little dot of white in the middle…
It blinked. That's when she realized she was staring directly into the eyes of someone, or something. Jumping back in shock, she finally saw just what terrified those two goons out of their wits.
In front of her was a tall yet hunched figure, humanoid in shape. Its upper torso was entirely exposed. Its body looked normal enough, which resembled that of a human male. Quite muscled, while its lower half was covered in a baggy dark cloth, ragged in some edges.
But that's where its 'human' look ended.
It possessed a large pair of black, webbed wings, big enough that it wasn't unfurled fully due to the limited space of the alley. Its nails, red in color, were even longer than its fingers, which were unnaturally long themselves, to begin with. Two bright white horns sprouted from its head, straight, tip sharper than a needle.
And its eyes. It's just a tiny pair of white dots surrounded by darkness. Sunken and insane. Its lips also held this unmoving smile the entire time.
"Felt..." The voice sounded… so normal. He just sounded like a tired teenage boy, to be exact. "... You weren't supposed to see this. Too early."
How did it (he?) know her name? What did it… what did he mean by 'this'?
A small groan snapped her from her daze. It came from behind this… thing.
"H-Hee…" It sounded hoarse, shaky, and weak. "Eee… eelp…"
Behind the figure was a bisected body of a burly man. Only his upper torso was left. His entire lower body was missing. A big pool of blood surrounded him, ever-growing by the second.
"Heelp… mee...!" He started crawling towards her, his intestines getting stuck at the ground.
Needless to say, Felt almost hurled her lunch after seeing such a thing. Holding her mouth, she fell on her back while feebly kicking away from the two.
She stared at the monster's red claws. It dripped. No, it wasn't actually red. It was just red from the blood of that guy behind it.
"Aww, Felt, don't look at me like that…" The thing grinned at her, leaning closer. "You hurt my feelings, you know."
"H-Heeel…"
He narrowed his eyes.
"Can't you just-" He stomped at the man's head with his clawed feet, squashing it like it was a balloon. "fucking die already?"
A smear of blood hit Felt's face. The sound of a human skull breaking into pieces echoed inside her mind. She can't even speak anymore. She was just trembling there while covering her mouth.
"Felt… where is Emilia?" He walked towards her slowly. Each step made her heart freeze in terror. "Emilia, Emilia... Where is Emilia?"
Felt stared back at his leer, her eyes shaking.
"WHERE IS EMILIA?!"
His voice, now gritty and animalistic, screeched loud and blasted her ears, cementing her fears even more. Tears dribbled down her cheeks, over the hand that still clasped her mouth.
"Ahh…" In a second, his voice was back to his previous one. "I'm sorry, Felt. Please don't be scared of me. I'll never hurt you."
He lightly caressed her cheeks with his hands, tender and slow as if taking care not to scratch her. The blonde thief was confused. Why does he speak to her as if they knew each other?
"W-Who…" Felt gulped. "W-What are you?"
The hand stop, her heart nearly following. His smile slowly fell, a dismal frown replacing it. Did she provoke it? What's going to happen to her?
Instead, she felt his hand affectionately rub her head instead.
"I was… a good friend of yours."
There's no way that was true. She can't remember seeing him before at all. Yet, this monster's words felt sincere, as crazy as that sounded. She herself lies all the time, and knowing when other people are trying to pull your legs is a must in her line of work. She knew he wasn't lying…
"I'm sorry, Felt. Do I look too scary?" The white-haired boy gave her a small apologetic smile, somewhat easing her worries a little.
Just then, right before her eyes, the monster visibly shrunk in height, along with his wings and horns. His hand grew shorter, nails turning back to normal, with his feet shortly following. In just a few seconds, A much more normal-looking boy stood in front of her. He was still topless and only had black, baggy pants to cover his lower parts, but he's definitely much easier to look at now.
"I, I still don't remember who you are." Felt looked away, not wanting to stare at his eyes. They may look normal now, but his gaze still made her feel like she was being preyed on by something.
"I don't blame you. You'll most likely never remember me." He chuckled quietly to himself. "Just know that I'll never hurt you and that you can trust me."
Felt warily glanced at the corpse behind him, along his bloody foot and hands. The boy noticed this and just sighed.
"They were mugging me and were ready to kill me. It was just self-defense, I swear!" He tried laughing it off, but Felt didn't buy it.
That was a terrible lie. Was he even trying to lie at all?
Now wary of him again but less fearful, she slowly stepped away from him, which alerted the boy.
"Felt, you need to trust me." He made no move, even after she turned back and motioned to run away.
"Did you know that Rom's just using you?"
That stopped her from her tracks. She slowly turned back, seeing his wide, confident smirk.
"What do you mean?" Felt narrowed her eyes at him.
"That thing you just stole, you don't know what that is, don't you?" Felt glanced at the jewelry hidden in her pocket. "That thing is the Royal Insignia. It's the proof that one is chosen by the oh-so great fatass lizard, Volcanica, to be a candidate for the new ruler of the whole kingdom."
Her eyes widened. So that's why her contractor was willing to pay such an absurd amount just for a single 'random' trinket. Heck, she could probably fetch more coins for this if she finds a better buyer.
"Hold it up with your hand." She gave him a suspicious stare, to which he just brushed off with a smile. "Trust me."
Still cautious, she grasped it tightly with her left hand, keeping it close to her person in case he was planning on stealing it. She knows he can probably just… force her to give it to him, but still…
The bright flash emanating from her hand snapped her from her thoughts.
"W-What's happening?" Opening her hand, she saw that the tiny piece of gem in the middle of the trinket was shining brightly. Felt looked back at the boy, who has only been staring at her this whole time.
"That thing is also used to find candidates." He walked closer, then grasped her hand, closing it. "They said that the insignia will shine when it's being held by a candidate."
At first, Felt couldn't quite get what he was talking about. It's shining right now, so…
"Uhm… is it broken?" She genuinely was confused, until the idea dawned on her. "Wait, you've got to be kidding me…"
"I'm not. You're one of the royal candidates for the throne, Felt."
She visibly frowned after hearing him. "Like I care for some stupid throne!" She suddenly lashed out at him, making the boy blink. "I just want to escape this hell and live normally with-"
"Oh, that's too bad…" The boy closed his eyes, his mocking voice coupled with an obviously fake frown.
"W-What do you mean by that?!"
"I'm sure you remember what I said earlier. That old guy is just using you, Felt." She saw his grin grow back, annoying her.
"Stop spouting lies already! Old man Rom would never-"
"He knows your true heritage. Did you really think he'd take care of you for free?" He slowly shook his head, his eyes closed. "I'm sure you're not naive, Felt. Rom will 'urge' you later to be a candidate. Of course, if you become the Queen of Lugnica, he'd surely benefit greatly from that, wouldn't he?"
Felt's mouth hung open. The little blonde girl couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Y… you're lying…"
"You know just how cruel this world is, Felt. Everyone is and will be out to get you. You've been tricked and used by someone else before, I bet, so what I said to makes sense, right?"
Her whole body was shaking. Shaking at the very idea of her only family left betraying her. 'This, this can't be true…'
"Felt, face the truth already. You're just a shortcut for easy money to him. Nothing more." He cackled at her despairing face, mockingly patting her head. "You can't deny it. I know you're smart enough to tell that what I'm telling you is the truth."
'I… I did wonder from time to time why Old man Rom was so kind to me. Every time I asked him, he always dodged the question.' Felt fell down on the ground, eyes and mouth wide open.
"B-But… but…" She could see droplets of something hitting the ground beneath realized it was her tears. "I… If that's true, then I'm…"
"Alone." The boy finished for her, nodding. "Yes, you're alone, Felt. In fact, you've always been alone."
"You're just taken advantage of your entire life. Your life is miserable."
Subaru's smile just got wider and wider.
He didn't expect Felt to be so gullible. In fact, he actually predicted that she'd just outright not listen to him and run away instead.
He certainly wasn't expecting her to just collapse right there and then and cry like the little girl she is.
Her seeing that little 'mishap' he did earlier probably helped with keeping her from running. She's too scared to do so. Subaru didn't want to terrify her, but… He wasn't gonna lie. Seeing Felt's despairing face aroused him quite a little.
Just a little.
"Aww. Stop crying, Felt." He rubbed her head, but she wasn't listening. "That old guy doesn't deserve these tears at all."
"But… I don't know… what I'm gonna do anymore…"
Subaru couldn't stop the giggle from his mouth. Felt at this point really doesn't have anyone else anymore. Her knight in shining armor is still probably busy wanking off on some street, and Emilia's just some random person she stole from. She pretty much doesn't have any reason to live anymore.
Poor little thing… Subaru inwardly chuckled to himself.
"Giving up already?" He shook his head, sighing. "After everything you've done? You're just giving up now?"
The little girl choked down a sob, glaring daggers at him. Not a moment after though, it fell off, her cries continuing once again.
"What's the point?" She questioned him, begged him for an answer. "Why would I even…"
"Vengeance."
That one word made the blonde girl freeze.
"Don't you want to get back at him? I can help you with that." Subaru nodded to himself. "Hell, want to get back at those corrupt nobles who threw you out of your own castle? You know you're supposed to be the princess, right?"
"You could've been living a pretty and easy life inside the castle, with maids answering your beck and call to the tee…" he intentionally paused, letting her imagine just what he was saying. "But instead, you're living your life like a gutter rat while risking your life every day just to live. All because of those nobles wanting a 'better' descendant than you."
At first, it was faint, but he could feel it. A small fire inside her was lit. Tiny and weak as it may be, Subaru knew this budding hatred will only grow with time.
"Do you now realize the life they stole from you?" Subaru held her face up by her cheeks. He took notice of her darkened eyes. It was like that of a dead fish.
"Ahh… what beautiful eyes."
Subaru cleared her bangs away, wanting to see more of Felt's dazed face. This girl truly was a piece of art; Reinhard was a lucky idiot to have her as his master. Not that any of the other candidates aren't beautiful, per se, it's just Felt held this unnatural cuteness that they didn't possess. Even Emilia's 'innocence' feels different than Felt's.
Watching that cuteness be snuffed away by him was just too much for the white-haired boy.
The boy sat on the ground in front of her, hugging the blonde girl while patting the back of her head. Felt's sobbing resurfaced once again, but this time, it wasn't just out of hopelessness. This time, her cries were tinged by a tiny hint of hate.
"I…" He heard her whisper. "I'll come with you. No… please, t-take me with you. Help me. I-I… I don't wanna be alone..."
Felt missed the shit-eating grin Subaru had behind her.