Hello! So, continue with the first month of the game! No warnings applied here, folks!
Chapter 2: To Crack the Shell
It's freeing, maddeningly so.
He looks down at the other boy as Arsene flaps his midnight wings, plunging the armored men into the deep abyss of despair and hellfire. He sees Kamoshida (is he truly the Kamoshida he just saw not too long ago?) bolting to the door with tails between his legs. He feels his lips pulling into a mad smile, but he couldn't stop. And as the laughter bubbles out of his chest, he looks down.
He hears the boy says something, but Ren pays him no mind as Arsene's slender fingers tug and pull at the inside of his chest, calling for his attention. When he turns, Arsene spins around with the flair of a gentleman thief, his flame-clad wings and his curved horns and his hollow smile of the devil bearing down – and yet, even with his appearance, Ren feels at ease. Calm. Arsene then bows, "I am the rebel's soul that resides within you, my boy. If you so desire, I shall consider granting you the power to break through this crisis."
"Give it to me," He feels himself says, his grin not disappearing. Give me power to stand on my own, he does not say. If Arsene knows of that, he says nothing, so Ren turns to face the demon fully. "Give me all that you have to offer. Give me everything."
"A greedy one, are you not?" Arsene says, laughing merrily into the stale, rancid air of wherever they are. Ren spares the other boy not a glance as he keeps his eyes on the ever-shifting visage of Arsene, of the Prince of Thieves. Then, the red flame that has etched an ever-grinning mask of Arsene changes again, pulling the edge of the grin wider. "I like you already. Very well, then! My power is yours to command. Go and kill all of them to your heart's content!"
As soon as that phrase finished, Ren turns to the armored men gathering around him, leaving him space that zings with electricity, with tension. He feels his lips curling up over his teeth, his eyes searching them for any sign of them being human – he is distinctly aware from the way their burnt, charred corpse do not smell, but simply disappearing into ashes – and when he finds that they are not, he lets the thrums of his heart guides him forward.
He finds his hand on the mask of the closest guard, and with a twist of his body, he pulls the thing off entirely, trail of black tar flowing out as if he has opened a flood gate. He clicks his tongue once, twice, before shifting on his feet again. They are slower than his father, slower than his father's men. He then lunges forward as some kind of pumpkin-monster forms from those dark sludges, pushing his hand and arm through its head and pulling out something – something like a core, a crystal – out of its body before letting it slide through his fingers then crushing it under his heel.
"Arsene!" Ren cries, the flame enveloping him, and the other one burns into a crisp even before it could turn into… whatever thing he had just killed mere seconds ago. The Prince laughs again, the sound ringing through the dampened hall and bouncing endlessly into the abyss beyond his eyes.
He spies the other boy tackling the half-naked king – Kamoshida, he corrects himself – off of his feet and further into the cell. Ren quickly grabs the key, lets the boy runs out before him and follows closely behind before slamming the door shut, locking it and throwing the key away into the further corner that he could not see.
"Okay, it's locked!" The other boy breathes. Ren ignores Kamoshida's enraged rambling as he finally looks down at himself – at his long twin-tailed coat, at his blood-red gloves, at his burning veins.
It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Trickster. Call for me anytime you like. My wings and my wits are all yours to command from this day forth – we are one and the same. Remember that well.
"Hey!" The boy snaps him out of his thoughts – out of the thoughts he somehow shares with that demon with black wings and horns and azure flame – as the blonde says with half-awe, half confusion. "What was that just now!? And your clothes—"
"Don't look at me, I don't know either," Ren hisses as he pulls the boy away from the naked king's reach and down the hallways. Whatever just happened is bound to draw in a lot of unwanted attention, and that is the last thing he – they – needs. "Come on, let's scram. We can think after we're out of here."
Ren lets himself relish in the feeling of fire dancing in his veins and the breath of freedom that sings within his heart for a moment before he refocuses his attention to the present.
This is more bizarre that Alice in the Wonderland's shenanigans.
After a close call escaping from that place – and meeting a cat-monster called Morgana, no less – the two of them end up right smack in the middle of the footpath, where the world last look normal. Ren ignores the app's robotic voice announcing their return, instead pushing up his glasses and stifling down the panic bubbling up in his stomach as he realizes just how late it is—
He doesn't listen to the other boy – whose name he learned within that place as Sakamoto Ryuji – rambles on about not knowing what to think and looks around, his eyes searching for… something. Something that could stop his heart from beating its way out of his throat, something to stop his fingers from shaking. The damn panic attack is coming, even when he's fine just a moment ago, inside that place where Arsene's wings are around him, warm and kind and protective.
Ren bites his tongue hard until he could taste the distinct flavor of iron and copper, only to sink his teeth into his own flesh deeper when he hears a voice say from behind them. "Cutting classes, are we?"
He turns around to see police officers standing there, a disapproving look on the left one's face, and a rather annoyed look on the right. When Ren sees from the corner of his eyes that Sakamoto is trying to explain the unexplainable, he grabs the boy by the edge of his uniform and quickly bows down, the blood now pooling at the tip of his tongue. "We were lost, officers. We were just transferred here. I'm sorry for the trouble."
"Hey, dude, what the frick—"
Ren doesn't wait to hear anything more as he quickly pulls himself away from the vicinity and the judging eyes of the two officers, his shoes clobbering against the concrete harder than intended, hard enough for him to feel his sinews and bones shaking in his shoes. He ignores Sakamoto's call as the boy half-runs to catch up to him, and only stop when he feels a hand on his shoulder – a hand he immediately shakes off. "What do you want?"
"Wha – dude, we just saw some shit and you're walking it off just like this!?" Sakamoto cries with disbelief, his voice rising far too loudly for it to be discreet. Ren flinches, the sound grating on his eardrums and raking along his skin, bleeding his already dwindling sanity dry. "And why the hell aren't you saying anything to them, and – are you bleeding!?"
"Stop talking," Ren hisses out, the pain on his tongue already numbed by the unease that's rattling his entire being like a wild bird begging to be free. "Not right now. We're late."
"After all of that, and that's the first thing you're concerned about—"
"Keep your voice down," Ren hisses, feeling his heart beating almost too painfully at the top of his chest, ready to spill out and send him spiraling into a panic attack of greater scales. "Later."
Please is left unspoken.
Even if the boy seems crude, Ren could see him picking up the hidden plea under the layers and layers of subdued obedience that he's worn for so long. Even with Arsene humming deeply within him, he still couldn't stop shaking or fearing a power greater than his own. Then again, he supposes changing himself into a new person isn't as easy as flipping a coin.
"…Alright," Sakamoto says, nodding once. "Whatever you say, dude. Which class you in? Mine's 2-E."
"2-D," Ren says. There is not much point keeping it a secret, and it doesn't seem like he'll get away with this, either. Arsene then rumbles in disapproval at his thoughts, ones that are spiraling back to how he always has been – obedient and afraid of every little thing that could anger the ones he calls (used to call? Not quite yet, but soon, perhaps…) the masters over his life. Ren sighs. "Amamiya Ren."
"Oh, yeah, totes forget about that!" The boy says as they continue to walk with a much slower pace than last time. Ren decides to focus on the taste of blood to keep his mind calm and his heartbeat steady as Sakamoto continues. "You probably heard, but I'm Sakamoto Ryuji. Resident delinquent."
"Mhm," Is all Ren says as they reach Shujin's front gate.
He isn't that much surprised to see the school as, well, a school. That app and that robotic voice must've been some sort of gateway from this place to wherever the hell that was, and he sure as hell will have to look into it later.
But not right now. Right now, he has to content with two sets of eyes looking at him – another teacher, and Kamoshida, now as a normal, sane PE teacher instead of a half-naked egomaniac king of the castle.
Good luck trying to enjoy your new school life, is what he says.
Ren immediately knows what those words mean.
(What people say shouldn't matter. What they say shouldn't matter. And yet, as he trudges along the halls of Shujin, hearing every little snippet of conversation about a harasser and a soon-to-be murderer that is him, he knows all too well that his life is heading towards a certain hell.
Arsene hums again, this time calm, soothing, as if to ease his troubled mind.
But the Prince couldn't help him. How could he, when Ren is here, receiving the full brunt of everything while he remains out of reach, only heard by him and him alone?)
Aside from everyone else talking about him like he's some kind of psychopath that would assault a man on a whim and not out of necessity, he finds himself not actually that troubled by the rumors.
(That's a lie. Each word carves into his flesh and sinks its rotten fangs into his skin. Words don't hurt anymore? No, they do. They hurt all the damn time.)
After a brief talk with Sakamoto, who actually seems nicer than he appears the first time, Ren hurriedly heads back to the café, his thoughts reeling back to what he has learned about Kamoshida and the rumors surrounding the man. He's seen (he's experienced) it all too many times to miss the signs, and he'll have to get to the bottom of this soon if his eyes hadn't deceived him; Takamaki Ann and some other students, especially some of the girls he's seen wearing the PE uniform and heading towards the gym right after classes, are all in danger of sexual assault, if not more.
Ren breathes, deciding to stop thinking about this for now. He'll sleep more on it, and leaves the job for tomorrow's him. For now – he has to face the consequence of his failure as a human being.
"Hey," Sakura says, his voice sharp and clear-cut, hostile and cold. Ren feels his throat seizes, his jaws tight and his fingernails deep into the palm of his hands. When faced with the man's scowl, all he could do is look away. "I got a call from the school. Ditching half a day on your first day, really?"
Ren bites his lip, saying nothing. What could he say? That he's been sent into another world and having to fight for his lives? That he might've been dragged into something he didn't ask for? That he's just trying to fight for the right to make a choice of his own within another world that is not this one?
He sees Sakura walking closer, seething, and Ren feels himself retreating back into his body as the man snaps, "Didn't I tell you not to cause any trouble? One wrong step and it's all over for you, kid. What the hell were you thinki—"
"I'm sorry, I'll behave, I promise," Ren bites out, looking down at his feet as he shifts his weight around, unable to look anywhere but at the dirty spots on his shoes. "I'll try my best. I'm trying my best, so please, just – I'll do better."
There is a pause before Sakura sighs, and Ren chances a glance to see the man scratching the back of his head, his frown deep – and if Ren isn't imagining it, he thinks the frown is different than the one from a few seconds ago – and his lips set. "…Fine, that'll do. Your life is your responsibility, you know. As long as you don't cause me any trouble, then do whatever you want."
"…Yes, sir," He mumbles, bowing deeply as he trudges towards the stairs, only to be stopped by a cough.
"Before you go," The man says, pushing a plate of curry onto the counter. "Here. On the house, since you look like you loved the one in the morning so damn much."
"But—"
"No buts, that's an order for causing an uproar on the first day, kid," The man says. Even if his words are harsh, there is no doubt kindness lingering behind his voice. But Ren couldn't keep his hope up. He's kept his hope high for long enough to know that it will inevitably end in a disaster and sticks and claws on his skin. "When you're done, close up the shop and clean the plate. Wake up tomorrow before six and a half to eat breakfast before you go, too."
"…Yes, sir," Ren gives in, sitting on the stool and allowing the man to keep looking at him. From the look the man is giving, it seems like he will not allow Ren his solitude until he eats, either. So, with a subdued bow, he puts his hands together and mumbles, "…Ittadakimasu."
"A question," The man says after a moment, after Ren has already settled into eating peacefully. When Ren looks up, fear dancing just under his fingertips and ready to latch onto his spine, Sakura is… not exactly frowning, but his expression is not something good, not something he'd want to see on his so-called guardian on his third day under his care.
"…Yes, sir?"
"This morning," He says, and immediately, Ren knows what he wants to talk about. "Why did you cry?"
Because the meal is so warm and so kind and it's made with love. It's not like instant noodle and the paste made from blending food together without taste— "It's… nothing. I just… missed home—"
That place is not your home. It never is. It's your prison, and here, you are free.
Sakura doesn't seem quite satisfied, but he accepts that explanation in the end, and allows Ren to stay within his own bubble of peace and quiet for the night.
(And yet again, he dreams of the same blue prison, chained to the narrowed cells and weighted down by a ball of iron.
The wardens seem delighted having him under their controls, and he couldn't fight back, Arsene retreating into the innermost pit of his soul and slumbering away as he's informed of the rules of this so-called game. The Metaverse Navigator, Palaces, Personas… all are so much to take it, with so little time.
He just wants to be free, but even with wings, his freedom is still so far, far away…
…He wonders, if this power of his will change anything at all.)
(It has been a while since Sojirou has called his old friends from when he worked as an official.
He isn't quite as well-versed in psychology like some of his peers, but his experiences and his age inform him enough that the Amamiya kid isn't from the happiest household. In fact, household might be just the furthest thing from wherever he came from.
The look of pure terror upon the slightest shift in Sojirou's mood, the subdued and quiet demeanor that doesn't seem to match what has been described to him as he received the payment for housing this boy, and the way he just flat out cried at the first bite of his curry. And that answer – there is no way in hell the boy had told him the truth.
Everything screams help me, and Sojirou just couldn't look the other way anymore.
So when his old friend picks up the line, instead of the usual greetings, he gets straight to the point;
"I want you to look up something for me. A kid named Amamiya Ren – get me everything.")
April 12th, 2016 [Tue]
After a little bit of trouble in the train where he just helps an old lady carrying his back instead of allowing the smaller, red-haired girl to do it, he decides to allow her to thank him for two seconds flat before he pulls himself away and to school.
The rain doesn't help dampen the gossips and the rumors from flying around, and Ren just knows on a deep, instinctual level that Kamoshida must've been the one to release it. Who else could've known about his records but the faculties? It might've been Kawakami, but the guilt in her eyes seem genuine enough. That, and the clear irritation radiating from her, irritation at all of this because he is here – she is not brave enough to do it herself, and she's not happy at how things have turned, either.
Right after class, Ren overhears Takamaki and Kamoshida talking. He could see all the tense lines on her shoulders and the way she seems to inch away once every three seconds. Every alarm is his head is blaring with such intensity that he feels like he wants to throw up, the world abruptly shifting like quicksand under his own feet.
He doesn't get too close, instead waiting and watching just outside of Kamoshida's cone of sight. After a moment, they both leave, Takamaki towards where he needs to go and Kamoshida away from them.
Ren isn't sure what spurs him – it might've been Arsene, it might've been because he could relate with Takamaki on an all too personal level – but he suddenly wants to talk to her, just for a moment. But his brain is screaming at him not to do this, because this is the opposite of keeping his head down and out of trouble. Even so, Arsene seems to think that he should follow his heart – just like how he did not too long ago, where he condemned himself to his life away from everything that he's ever known by helping a woman who had turned against him, too.
And then, he is reminded yet again that no one is to be trusted, because no matter how good he meant, they will turn against him as soon as his usefulness is over, as soon as their happiness is threatened. They are all willing to throw him under the bus just to satisfy their assailant, willing to look over all the horrible things just to keep themselves safe.
But then again, who could blame them?
He's snapped out of his thoughts when he catches her look – even downcast, her eyes are sharp, full with fire that simmer just beneath the still water, begging to be let out. Ren only bows at her and hurries out the gate.
Much to his rotten luck, he's stopped by the blonde boy – Sakamoto.
"Yo," The boy says, stopping Ren. He immediately takes a step back as soon as he's within Sakamoto's reach, and the blonde, despite his crude and rather delinquent-like attitude, seems to catch onto this. He just nods, eyes unmistakable kind (no, that's not kindness. That's weariness), as he backs away. "…Sorry about that. Anyways, I wanna talk about that castle from yesterday."
"The Palace," Ren says flatly, recalling Igor's words within the nightmare of his own making.
"The—what?"
"…The place we were in, the castle. Palace," He says, pulling out his phone and starring down at the app. He has suspected the thing to have something to do with all of this for a moment now, and he supposes Sakamoto must've already heard the navigator's voice lines during their escape, so he just shows the application to him. "The voice when we got out. It came from this thing."
"Metaverse Navigator… Now what's this?" The other boy hums, rubbing at his chin gently before his dark eyes look up at Ren. "…Y'know, dude, I just… there's lotsa thing in there we don't know jack shit about, and it's definitely having somethin' to do with Kamoshida. And you're the only person I can rely on, so… you in?"
"Why me?" He asks, his shoulders squared up, each fiber of his being ready to latch out, taut and about to snap. He draws in a deep breath to calm himself down. Not at school, you cannot show anything to anyone at school. "We're not even friends."
"Well, I thought we are!" Sakamoto throws his arms up. "Dude, I didn't say this yesterday, but that thank you I said to you back then is the real shit, okay? I don't give a damn about the rumors, cuz look at me, I've got rumors on my ass too. And I know how overblown it could be sometimes. I wanna be your pal."
"Why would you want to?" He asks again. Human relation is a resource to be exploited, to be used as an exchanging material for money, for fame, or even pleasure – and no one would just be friends with another person without those kinds of—
"Duh! Do I need a reason to become friends with someone?" Sakamoto scoffs. "Come on, man, don't do this to me. I didn't expect you to be so cold."
Ren bites the tip of his tongue until he winces from the pain. Whatever it is, there must've been some kind of ulterior motives. Maybe to find out more about that castle to settle whatever grudges he has with this Kamoshida, is the only explanation Ren could come up with.
Don't think, he feels someone says directly into him, and the flutter of wings against the windless void soothes his burning skin for a moment. Ren frowns, the visage of the maddened grin and the sound of delighted laughter ringing through his being. Feel. You distrust him simply because the world has never been kind to you. But trust your heart. What does it say?
His heart—
"…Fine," Ren finally relents, allowing Arsene's words to sway him. "But… just don't touch me."
"Alright, whatever floats your boat, man," The boy says, putting up both hands. But then, he just frowns and offers Ren a hand – one that Ren just stares at until he catches Sakamoto shifting uneasily on the spot. "Just, dude… shake hands? Start of friendship or something?"
"…Okay," Ren murmurs, touching it briefly and pulling back as soon as they're done, the feeling of his skin on Ren burning like fire, and it hurts. "So… What do you want?"
"Let's investigate the damn thing," Sakamoto says, waving his hand towards Ren's phone. "Ready?"
He recalls the way he sees those people moaned and begged as they were tortured within the cells in the backgrounds. He should steer clear away from that place, he should just mind his own businesses. He should have learnt his lessons that no good ever come from sticking his nose into another's business, because they will all come back to bite him, in the end, and yet—
And yet, this ember of rebellion has already settled deep into his skin, and it's calling for him to act.
With a sigh, Ren nods. "…Alright. Might as well."
And he seals his fate by pressing onto the navigator, one that will soon become the instrument of both his doom and his freedom.
(And he's introduced to the world of darkness and Shadows and Personas and magic, the world of the people's desires made manifested and twisted beyond his imaginations.
Sakamoto seems to harbor a strong hatred for Kamoshida, and Ren just knows that his instinct has always been right – that Kamoshida is more than just a pervert. He is a sexual predator.
And he needs to be stopped.)
Ren has always been meek and weak-willed.
Upon facing the golden armored guards and King Kamoshida, he's been forced onto the ground, much like how he used to (much like since he was a child, much like him when he is an obedient little cur that would wag his tail upon his father's every whim), waiting for the punishment that will soon come. Ren knows from his gut that the Track Traitor bullshit might've been a lie more than anything, but his mind is screaming that he shouldn't have trusted anyone—
They're surrounded, and he's doomed himself because he decides to trust someone else (to trust Arsene, his other self), and Ren could feel both dread and anger boiling within him – at everything that has been done to him, at everything that is happening, at himself and at everyone else. But then, he hears the king blabbering about breaking Sakamoto's leg, as if he owns Shujin as the fucking castle – which explains the appearance his Palace takes – and talking so nonchalantly about doing whatever he wants, just like his father, just like his mother, just like—
Ren is weak-willed and obedient, but Sakamoto is not.
Ren could hear the distinct ring of another voice within him, one that is not Arsene's own, one that seems to resonate with Sakamoto's shadows. Ren sees the boy's shade shifting and casting itself into the image of a skull, laughing maniacally in time with the thrumming of his heart, and he looks up to see the blonde standing up for himself on his own, and he feels a stab of something – jealousy – as Sakamoto does something that he has never been able to do.
He's standing up for himself without a prompt, unlike you, who needs another voice that isn't your own to shake you. You're weak and an excuse of a human being, and you know it—
"I've had enough of trash like you!" The boy snaps, rising to his feet and pointing at the naked king and his cocky grin. "All you think about is using people… you're the real scumbag here, Kamoshida! Stop lookin' down on me with that stupid grin on your face!"
Then, just like how Arsene awakens within him, the voice – cocky and volatile, one of a renegade, one of a rebel – rings through the halls and the high ceilings. Ren sees Sakamoto shifting and grabbing his head as if something is splitting it open from the inside out, his eyes burning the color of bright gold. Arsene is laughing with delight, and Ren watches with his mouth agape when the blue flame covers the other boy's face, into the image of a skull.
And much like how Ren did it before, he rips it off, blood pouring out from it and burning bright into the sky, calling forth a pirate with a maddened grin and a flag of rebellion that flutters stronger than the beating of his own heart.
The name rolls off Sakamoto's lips as he cracks his knuckles. "Let's do this, Captain Kidd!"
The violent wind and the thunderstorm rumbles, and with but a few short seconds, everything but the guard captain remains.
Ren stands up, retreating to join the other two, his lips curled into a snarl.
He is weak-willed and obedient, but here – here, he has a choice. And he refuses to become so weak again, because he wants to be like how Sakamoto is. He wants to try to take charge of his own fate.
(Even if, in the end, he couldn't quite manage that. He thinks… he wants to hope that he might be able to be his own person, to take his fate and spin its thread within his own fingertips.
But it's just that, it's hope.
How could someone get rid of the markings etched deep into his very core through years of being trained and disciplined? How could anyone do that at all? At least, not him – because he has been trained and whipped into a shape that is hard and fragile a long, long time ago. A shape that could no longer be molded into something else, a shape that cannot be corrected no matter how much he wants it to.
But even if he cannot be changed, here – here, he might be able to change the fate of others, so that they won't have to face the same pain he has been through.
Because no one else deserves it.)
Kamoshida's cognition of Takamaki proves his suspicions – that Kamoshida is a true predator, just like all those people he's met before.
After they've escaped into a secluded room, Ren lets the other two banter among themselves, his mind wandering off to the memories of time long past (it's not exactly that long, but there are a lot to go through – and he's got a whole library of things he needs to think about), his lips set and his shoulders tense up, squaring like a caged animal that he always is. Ren ignores Arsene, too – while Ren seems to have come to terms, and is somewhat alright, with how things played out, he still couldn't help but think that trusting another voice (even if that voice is from his heart) other than his own brain is an idiotic idea.
Ren is weak, but Sakamoto is not, as he thinks there might be others who could take charge of their own fates with their own hands like him, too. Ren knows he's already beyond saving, but maybe… he could help other people with what he's given, with what he has now. He scoffs, remembering well how much he fucked himself over helping others (that woman betrayed him. No one believes him), but reminds himself that in this world, he could get away with it. He might be able to get away with it.
He could give it a shot, at least to curb Arsene's desires for freedom (his desires for freedom) a little, because the incessant nagging at the back of his head is getting too loud to be ignored. Ren sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose, as he turns around to the two of them – both of whom are staring at him. "…What?"
"Er, nothin'. Just makin' sure," The boy shrugs. "You good, man? You look like you wanna puke before we ran away."
"I'm alright," He lies easily, thumb nudging at the scar on his left shoulder, one that's starting to burn again. He frowns to himself, scuffing his shoe onto the floor. "Quit staring."
"Okay, okay," Sakamoto says, looking down at Morgana pointedly. "So, what? You want us to help you with your own investigation? You've done us good, but we never promised anythin', man."
"Huh?" The monster cat says, his frown deep. Then, he seems to recoil a little, his voice high-pitched and loud enough for it to ricochet back and forth between the bricked walls. "Don't tell me – are you two not going to repay the hospitality I showed you?"
"Hospitality?" Ren repeats, snorting to himself. Hospitality is not what they were given. They were used like tools, just one that is irreplaceable, is all. He catches a strange glance from Sakamoto, but pointedly ignores it in favor of rolling his shoulders, easing away the building tension. "You were just using us. How is that hospitality?"
It's either the way he worded it, or the venom dripping through his teeth that finally gotten under the cat-monster's skin, Morgana frowning deeply. Then, as if regaining his lost composure, Morgana argues. "You – I taught you how to fight! What the hell is with that attitude?"
"You taught me because I'd be a deadweight otherwise," Just like how his father taught him to fight, to clean, to cook, to serve – it is just to make sure he is worth something. Just to make sure that he is useful. "You just invested in me because I look like I can worth something to you. Isn't that right?"
"That's—"
"…Come on, man," Sakamoto interrupts, holding up both hands as if to help ease the both of them out of their guarded nature. Ren merely relaxes one arm, but not the other, ready to lash out whenever he is required to. "Let's just go. And you—" He then points at Morgana before kneeling down "—You've got guts, and you've helped us plenty, but we're busy. See you around!"
At that, they both run away, Morgana's short legs disallowing him from following them out.
The world shifts away, and he feels drained and tired, the constant drumming in the back of his skull loud and maddening. It takes him a while, but when he finally looks up again, Sakamoto is smiling tiredly at him. A breath, then, "You good, man?"
"Mhm," Ren hums noncommittally, his eyes shifting around. They're luckily in the alley, and unlike in his hometown (his previous cage), no one really pays anyone else much mind. Ren glances at Sakamoto up and down for a moment before mumbling out, scratching the back of his head. "…Thanks."
"No need, now we're even, yeah?" The boy grins sharply before heaving out a long-suffering sigh. "God damn, I just want to sleep, man. But! I remember all of their faces! Let's—"
"—Ask them?" Ren finishes, knowing full well just how adamant the other boy is about taking down that damn monster. But Ren knows better – because he knows just how much it hurts to even speak about it to anyone. He has never told anyone anything that had happened to him, not his closest friends (who have all but abandoned him to the wolves), and certainly not his other relatives (who don't know, or know but decide not to get involved).
"Yeah! If we can get them to fess up, we'll—"
"—Only paint bigger targets on our backs," Ren says, a deep frown on his face. He knows Sakamoto must have meant well (he thinks so, but he can't be too sure), but that line of linear thinking, of imagining yourself in their shoes is wrong. The other boy had never been through what they had – what Ren had – so how could he possibly understand what they are thinking? "They'll just clam up. Don't underestimate the power of adults and lies and fear."
Sakamoto takes a long pause at this, his eyes not exactly scrutinizing, but something similar. Ren feels some kind of… anxiousness in his bones, making his fingers twitch and pulling at his conscious constantly like a parasite. He doesn't like being looked at like this, as if he's being searched, as if he's being seen through, his sloppy excuse of a guard falling into pieces at his feet.
But whatever fear he's having is quelled when Sakamoto looks away, rubbing at the back of his neck as some kind of tick – like Ren's consistent twitch or his inability to relax under scrutiny. Then, lowly, the boy murmurs. "…Anyways, you know… you can lay low, but it ain't gonna help much since everyone's already gotten you pegged as a criminal."
"…I realize as much," He says. His father has reaches, a lot of them, enough to get him here without any questions asked, enough to keep him under his rule for all of his life. This – leaking his records and every little thing – is something his father would and will do. And Ren has a distinct impression that it must've been someone higher up – a faculty. Even the principal. Even Kawakami.
"Sorry about that, man, no one deserves that kinda shit," Sakamoto hums, kicking up the dust in the pavement before him. "It's Kamoshida that opens his damn mouth. That's what something he would do, destroying anythin' he doesn't like."
That, or he is his father's associate, one that would cave in and do whatever his father so wishes just at a drop of a hat. With compensation for the trouble, of course. "Maybe."
"But I ain't backing down from this," Sakamoto declares, hands balled into fists, anger seeping through every little tick in his muscles. Ren spies him shifting to his left leg again, as if to ease the burden of the right one – one that has been broken, one that has been wronged and stripped away. "I mean, I would get it if you don't wanna, cuz you've got no real gripe with the guy. Except for the records leaking, clearly. Say, what d'ya wanna do?"
"I don't know," He confesses, looking down and crossing his arms over his chest. He frowns – he has already made up his mind in there, hasn't he? So why is it this hard just sticking through his decision? Ren bites his lip until it bleeds, ignoring the all too familiar sting, then heaves out a breath – one that he hasn't realized he had been holding up to this point. "…But we'll see. I… I want to stop him, too, before—"
Before someone else falls victim to him, he does not say.
"Thanks, man," Sakamoto grins, bending down to pick up his fallen bag and slinging it over his shoulder. He stretches his arms up and yawns, tiredness stringing across his skin like colors on a canvas. "Anyways, wanna go grab a bite? My treat. And I've totally gotta hear about your past—"
"No," Ren says, his voice a bit sharper than he has intended. He pushes one of his nails deep into his palm until he feels the warm liquid trailing down his finger before murmuring. "…I can share a meal, but… no, I can't talk about my past." Not now, and never will.
"…Okay," Sakamoto nods. "Come on. I know just the place."
Ren doesn't want to have his hope up, but he thinks—
—He thinks, this once, he will allow himself the luxury of anticipation.
Sakamoto is a nice person.
He doesn't prod like others would, he doesn't judge or condemn him like others do, and he simply trusts Ren by what he's seen. Ren doesn't understand people like him; people who just seems to care a little too much for his own good, people who seems to care enough to give him the space that he needs, to give him all the time in the world.
He also doesn't seem to care all that much as he talks about himself a little, about how they are alike, about how the adults seem hell bent on making their lives miserable (a part of him still says that it's his own fault that he's here, it's his own disobedience that he's been put in this spot in the first place), and that – to Ren's surprise and utter disbelief – he's got Ren's back and vice versa from here on out.
(Somewhere in his heart, he hears the voice that is not his own nor Arsene – the voice of a young girl, so kind, saying that he's making a new bond, budding through the harsh winter of his heart and into the world. The Confidant of the Chariot, is what Sakamoto is called.
He simply allows the voice to roll past him.
Somewhere in the world, a butterfly flaps its wings.)
Even when he knows about his records, even when he's heard them saying everything, how could he still trust Ren so completely, when all that he's ever done is beating up a few Shadows and almost gotten himself killed for it today?
His question is left unanswered and drown under the sea as he steps inside Leblanc, every muscle in his body taut and ready to snap up at the first sign of a punch or a kick or a stick, but instead he's greeted with a stern look, one that seems to try to find something else within him.
Ren could feel something coming, a blow to his face that would leave him gasping and begging for mercy, or a hold that would rob him of his breath. But instead, he hears rustling of clothes, and looks up to see something within those eyes – something deep but not resentful, something he's not familiar with. A moment, then, "Where have you been?"
"…Um, a classmate treated me to a meal, sir," He mumbles out. He couldn't quite call Sakamoto a friend yet, his distrust still so blatant and so clear. He still feels unease ringing in his skull and making his skin crawl and his nerves itch, but he tries to reign it all in, his spine still tensed up from the anxiousness that's rising to the same level as back then. "I'm sorry I didn't—"
"I never said that's a bad thing," The man sighs, falling back against the backrest of his seat and propping his elbow on one of his knees. "It's good that you're having a classmate you could share a meal with. Just… do keep out of trouble, got it?"
"Yes, sir," Ren nods quickly, taking his opportunity to make a mental note as to inform his guardian of any other things that are not outlandish. "I'm sorry for not telling you, sir."
"It's fine, heat of the moment and all that, right?" The man hums easily. "Since you've already eaten, I'll be closing up shop. See you tomorrow morning, same time."
"Yes, sir."
Once Sakura is gone, Ren makes his way up the steps, tiredly look down at the app. It seems like this thing is how he'll be getting in and out of the so-called Palaces, so Ren decides to look at it. The Ruler's distortion gives birth to a Palace, or so Morgana had said, and Ren has a distinct urge to try something. Something he might've come to regret later on, something that maybe he shouldn't do at all.
But before he could, he sees Sakamoto messaging him, saying that he's gotten himself the app, too. Much like him, Sakamoto cannot delete it, so Ren simply sighs and replies briefly before putting his phone back down, his face tipping up towards the ceiling.
He is too tired to think for today, so he lets himself fall back asleep.
(And in his dream, he is in the same place, being berated for not knowing his place, being scolded for not being competent enough, just like how it always is, always has been, and always will be.
He will never be free, this much he's certain, now.
But perhaps… he could help others. He's doomed, anyways – so why not go out with a bang, one that will mark his name in history, either for better or for worse?
He feels Arsene laughs, rumbling cackles rocking his entire being. He doesn't care.
This… This, he decides, will become his life's mission. If freedom will never be his, never could be his because he is already broken beyond repair, then he will secure it for someone else. Someone like Sakamoto, who cares deeply and who seems like a good person. And perhaps… someone more, as many as Ren could manage before he is snuffed out like a candle's light.
Somewhere in the world, a butterfly flaps its wings.)
I can say for sure that Ren has a disorder. Not exactly split personality, but close. You'll see what I mean later on :)
Chao, for now! See you later!