April 15th, 2017

2:55 am

Ari looked at the clock and sighed.

"Five more minutes." She said quietly.

"Until what?" Earl asked from the corner of the room he usually sat in.

Ari jumped. "OH GEEZ! I didn't know you were up. Or listening."

Earl grinned. "I'm always listening. Now answer the question."

"Oh right, five minutes until my round."

Earl scratched his chin. "Why not do it now?"

Ari shrugged. "I dunno, I like to do them at the same time every day, like you."

"Hmm." Earl didn't say anything more than that but Ari could tell something was on his mind, or his memory chip?

"What's up Earl? You're even more aloof than usual."

Earl growled.

Ari raised her hands in defense. "JOKE. I WAS JOKING."

"Yeah well. Let me tell you something that ain't. I was doing my round, and I noticed some things had been moved around."

Ari gulped. "What? W-Well maybe someone just forgot to put them where they went before they left for the day."

"That's the thing though." Earl sniffed and looked at the screens on the wall. "Wasn't like that at the start of the shift. I caught it on my second round."

"Huh… is that why you haven't been sleeping?"

"Can't stop thinking about it. Haven't had something out of place like that in years, not since those damn kids were running around." He looked out the window as if he was searching for something.

Ari could feel her heart rate rising. "W-well, maybe I could look into it when I go around."

Earl shook his head. "It's on my side. I'll do it."

"Oh, are you sure?"

"Yep." He looked Ari in her eyes. "I'd be careful out there tonight though, something weird's going on. And I don't like it."

Ari nodded. "I will." She looked at the clock again. "Well, time for my round. I'll be back in a few."

"Alright. Don't hurt yourself. Again." Earl said.

Ari quickly stepped out of the office and into the cool refreshing night. One of the few things Ari used to look forward to at this job was her rounds. They broke up the monotony of what was otherwise very boring nights, but with The Warners now free, that had been taken away. It had been a few weeks since their first encounter, but that only made her more nervous. She would always do her rounds on edge now, constantly waiting for the moment they would pop up and ruin her day, or night rather.

She checked the cameras back from that fateful night every night before her rounds. Studying them when Earl wasn't awake or looking. Somehow, there was not a single sign of them that entire night. The cameras didn't even catch her running around. It was all normal. Like it never happened. Was she just going crazy, cause She sure felt like it.

She did most of her round like normal. Checking and double-checking every building, every room, every nook, and cranny. Everything except the water tower of course. Ever since Night five she had avoided the water tower like the plague. What if she went up there and they like, pushed her off or something as a "prank".

"How would Earl ever know anyways?" She thought. "He's always asleep."

Always, except tonight. Earl was wide awake tonight, and Ari knew dang well he would be watching the cameras like a hawk, so she had no choice. Ari gripped the first rung of the ladder and her whole body shook like one of those earthquakes she'd heard so much about before she moved. It took every ounce of strength in her body but eventually, she made her way to the top of the tower.

When she did she just stood there, staring at the giant WB on the side of the tower that might as well have been two giant eyes staring right back at her, searing into her soul. She couldn't move from that spot, no matter how hard she tried. It was like someone had super glued her feet to the floor, wait, HAD THEY? She veered her head down to make sure and...no. No glue to speak of. For now.

When she brought her head back up, she noticed something she hadn't seen at first. It was a piece of paper, stuck to the door. She looked around but couldn't see anyone, or anything that could have put it there, but she had a pretty good idea of who it might have been. Ari could feel her heart beating swiftly as she slowly and carefully approached the sheet. She looked around one more time and in one swift motion, swiped the paper from off the door and hurried back to her spot near the ladder. She quickly scanned it to see what it said.

"MEET US IN THE AUDITORIUM

ASAP

:3c"

Her heart nearly dropped out of her chest and landed on the cold asphalt floor 100 feet below. She didn't know if she could handle a second round of them, she could barely keep up the first time without nearly falling apart. At least this confirmed she wasn't making things up, they really had escaped and they really had messed with her. The auditorium was the last stop before heading back to the office, she could always just skip it, it wouldn't be the first time. Though, if she did, Earl would know something was up and it would be game over.

"O-Ok." She thought. "I'm just gonna go over there, tell them Earl's actually awake this time and watching and that should hopefully be enough to get them to leave me alone. After all, who wouldn't be afraid of that guy? Also I really need to get some glasses, all this squinting is making my eyes hurt. Speaking of hurt, I wonder if the NIN version of Hurt is just as good as Johnny Cash's. It is the original after all. That gets me wondering, I wonder how often someone has made a cover of a song and it's gotten more recognition then the original. Would I be mad that someone else got more credit for something I did, or would I be flattered that someone went through the trouble of covering it in the first place? That's a hard question. And you know it's funny I bring up Johnny Cash cause Earl actually kinda sounds like him. I wonder if that's on purpose..."

She stared off into space for a few moments then shook her head.

"I really need to get back on my medication."

The outside of the auditorium was decorated in streamers and ribbons and there was a sign on the door that said "WELCOME!". The inside of the auditorium looked much the same way as it did the first time she found it, it was decrepit, run-down, falling apart, etc., etc. The only difference now was the presence of more streamers, ribbons, even a few balloons. Not only that but there were some lamps that were no doubt stolen from the offices that helped illuminate the room.

There was no sign of the Warners anywhere. The place looked empty, but looks can be deceiving, especially when you're dealing with toons. She kept her guard up as she made her way to the front, where the stage was. On one of the chairs, there was a sign, it read as follows.

"Hi Ari!

Welcome to Orientation!

Please take a seat, we'll be with you soon-ish!"

"Orientation?" She thought. "What the heck is this, some kind of class? Will there be a syllabus too?"

"Actually, now that you mention it. Yes!"

"AHHHHHH" Ari screamed and reeled her head in the direction of the voice and came face to face with Yakko. "WHAT THE. God, can you like, NOT do that? Also, how did you do that?"

Yakko crossed his arms. "You're late missy, we've been worried sick about you."

She sat down in her chair and tried to pretend like Yakko potentially reading her mind didn't freak her out. "Late? I didn't even know I was supposed to be here until like 2 minutes ago."

Yakko hopped up on the stage, the other two Warners were nowhere to be seen. Yakko was dressed in much more formal attire than he had during their first meeting, a suit, a tie, even a nice hat that was obviously a little too big for him.

"That note's been on the tower for weeks!" He exclaimed.

She shook her head. "Bull."

"Where?!" Dot looked around anxiously.

"Oh haha, very funny-" She stopped suddenly and squinted her eyes. "Waaaait a minute."

"Oof, can't do that." Dot continued. "If I stand still for more than 15 seconds my body starts twitching violently and I might end up breaking something."

"Hold o-"

"Anyways, we've got a great show planned for you tonight! Seriously, you'll be even more glued to your seat than you already are."

"No wait, what happened to the other gu-DID YOU SAY I WAS GLUED TO MY SEAT?" She tried to get out of her seat and much to no one's shock, what Dot said was true. Ari really was glued to her seat.

"Duh." Wakko rolled his eyes. "We can't have you running off during our lesson! We worked really really hard on it, we'll even sing!"

"OK, HOW DO YOU GUYS KEEP DOING THAT?!"

"Doing what?" Wakko looked confused.

"Switching places when I'm not looking?!" She blinked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Yakko responded, grabbing a microphone that was on the stage. "Geez Ariana, get your head in the game, class is about to begin! I hope you brought a pen and paper, there will be homework."

Ari looked around desperately for any way she could get out of this, no luck. She was even more stuck this time than when they'd tied her to a chair. She stopped struggling and settled in.

"Alright, FINE. I'll watch your lesson or whatever, but it better be quick. Earl is watching."

Yakko gulped. "H-he is? I thought he was asleep."

"Not tonight, looks like you guys messing around might have tipped him off that something was wrong."

"Uhhhh, just a second." Yakko pulled a megaphone out of his pocket and yelled into it. "SIBLINGS. HUDDLE."

The other two Warners came out from behind the stage and the three of them talked amongst themselves quietly, yet loudly. After going back and forth they came to some sort of agreement and the smaller Warners went back to where they were.

"Ooookay," Yakko started, scratching his head. "We're still gonna teach the lesson but it's going to be quick and dirty, like most of my relationships."

"BLECH." Ari gagged. "First of all, I barely even know your names and I still know that's a cap. Second of all, STOP."

Yakko tilted his head. "That's a what?"

"A-A cap. You know, a lie?"

"Huh. I like that, I need to remember that one."

"Ok, so can we get into the lesson thing now or…"

"OH, RIGHT." He cleared his throat. "Ari, before we begin I must have your word that nothing said here will leave here. Unless it's funny, then you can share it with your friends if you have any, as long as you credit me first."

"Uhhh, ok?"

"Good. Very good" He smiled mischievously.

Then the lights went out.

CLICK

A spotlight shown in Yakko.

"Hello Ari, and welcome to a very abridged version of The Warner Family Orientation Presentation. In case your memory is as bad as Wakko's on a good day, let me remind you that my name," He struck a dramatic pose. "is Yakko."

Dot cartwheeled on stage and also struck a pose. "I'm Dot!"

Wakko jumped down from somewhere above them and followed suit. "And I thought I was going second!"

Yakko and Dot dropped their poses and frowned at him.

"Wakko, I thought we discussed this." Yakko said.

"Yeah, I know. I just... I always go second when we do the introductions."

"We wanted to switch it up."

"We don't have to do it the same way every time!" Dot added.

Wakko crossed his arms. "I know!"

"So what's the issue?" Yakko asked

"I prefer the way we did it before."

"Oh my god, can you just do the thing already?"

"...ok." He said quietly.

The lights came up and Wakko and Dot pulled a screen down from the ceiling. Yakko grabbed a remote and pushed a button, turning on a projector.

"Alright, first things first. The main thing you have to understand is that we're toons. You ever met a toon before Ari?"

Ari thought for a moment and shook her head. "Uh...no I don't think so."

"Great! Glad we could make a good first impression."

"Good isn't how I would describe it." She muttered under her breath.

"Toons are any manner of creature, human, animal, or otherwise that was created, drawn or even just thought about in some cases, to perform on Tv, movies, comic books, heck some even come from video games."

"Doesn't that just describe every fictional character ever made though? Would that make someone like Batman a toon?" Ari inquired.

"Depends on which Batman you're talking about."

"Hmm, Zack Snyder's Batman. Y'know, Ben Affleck."

"EEEEE." Yakko grimaced. "No, he doesn't count and if you ever speak his name here again you will perish."

"Ok, so how can you tell the difference?"

"Well, it's complicated, but the way I see it there's a few criteria that have to be met for someone to be a toon. 1, Are they animated? CG, stop motion, and other forms of animation count but they're on thin ice, most toons are animated in 2D. 2, Are they funny? Now funny is a very subjective thing but if they were intended to be humorous or funny on some level, even if you don't personally think they are, that counts. 3, Are they zany? Call this a personal preference of mine if you want but I think every toon should at least be A LITTLE unhinged. Even the ones that are meant to be cosmically boring are a little crazy sometimes. And 4, maybe the most important question of all, Can they use Toon Physics?"

"Toon Physics?" Ari interrupted. "What's that?"

"Well maybe if you didn't interrupt me, I would tell you. Please save all questions for the end of the presentation please." Yakko cleared his throat. "To-"

"Ari?!" Ari's radio blared. "Check-in, where the hell are you?"

Ari jumped and pulled the radio off her belt. "U-uh I'm still d-doing my round."

"I know, where?"

"In the auditorium."

"What's taking so long?"

Ari looked at the Warners, they put their hands to their necks and sawed back and forth.

"Uh… n-nothing I was taking my time, you said stuff was messed up so I was just making absolutely sure everything was fine y'know?"

The radio was silent for a moment. Then Earl started speaking again. "Alright. Well, don't take too long. I thought you busted your head open again."

"Aww, are you worried about me Earl? I appreciate the concern." She joked.

"Just get your ass back here as soon as you can." He growled. 'Goddamn kid…" The radio went dead.

Ari holstered her radio."Well, Continue."

"N-nevermind." Yakko stuttered nervously. "I'm sure you'll figure it out. Anyways. Let's just skip to the rules and regulations."

"Rules?"

"And regulations! We have some very very simple guidelines we need you to follow."

"Is that right?" Ari crossed her arms.

Yakko nodded. " Oh yes. 1, Since we live here, we are allowed full access to every inch of the studio lot. 2: We go home when we feel like going home, and not a moment sooner. 3: We can do whatever we want. Sound like a plan?"

Ari chewed on this information for a while. If she just let the Warners do whatever they wanted, that would almost certainly lead to her downfall. These kids were supposedly dangerous, right? What if she just let them run off and they burned the whole place to the ground? How would she even begin to explain that, if she even lived long enough to do so that is? She couldn't, but these kids obviously wouldn't take no for an answer. She needed leverage, but where would she get it? ...OH. A lightbulb flickered over her head.

"Hmm, no." She said plainly.

Yakko spit in surprise. "E-excuse me?"

"No. I think those are terrible rules."

"Well, those are the ones we've got! So deal with em."

Ari shook her head. "Nah."

Yakko frowned. "You don't have a choice."

Ari grinned slightly. "Yeah, I do."

Yakko jumped down from the stage and got in Ari's face. "NO. YOU DON'T."

"Let me tell you something," Ari said, still smiling. "If you really think I'm just gonna let you guys run around and do whatever you want, unsupervised, you got another thing coming."

Yakko laughed mischievously. "Strong words coming from someone glued to a chair. What exactly do you think you're gonna do to stop us, Ari? Chase us around again? Yeah, that worked so well the first time."

Ari looked Yakko directly in his eyes. "I'm not sure yet, but I'm sure Earl and I will figure that part out."

Yakko recoiled. "W-what? B-but you said…"

"I didn't say anything. You ASSUMED I wouldn't tell him, and for a while you were right. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, you gave me yours, but these new rules change things."

Yakko growled. "I should have known, I should have known you'd turn on us! They always do. Don't know why I thought, you'd be any different."

Ari raised a hand up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Now hold on a moment, I'm not a monster Yakko."

"Ari, if I looked under my bed right now, you would be there. SNARLING AND SCRATCHING WITH 50 EYES AND BLOOD DRIPPING FROM YOUR MOUTH."

"Dang..." She sighed. "Ok listen, in the interest of not being the bad guy, I will offer you a deal."

Yakko immediately pulled up a chair and sat down. "A deal you say? I do love a good deal. Go on."

"I'll be honest with you, Earl isn't exactly my favorite person on the planet. So, I would rather NOT tell him about you guys, but just because he's a last resort doesn't mean I won't. On the other hand, I'm not sure what exactly he does besides sleep and yell at people, but y'all are obviously afraid of him, which terrifies me."

"Afraid?!" Yakko exclaimed. "We're not afraid of anything!"

"I'm afraid of clowns!" Wakko piped up.

"I'm afraid of needles." Dot added.

"OK, OK, we aren't afraid of MUCH." Yakko corrected himself.

"I rest my case. So here's the deal. I will allow you guys to be out for a certain amount of time, let's say, between the hours of 12-4. That's four hours. Plenty of time for hijinks or whatever, but I will be accompanying you the entire time to make sure you don't break anything that can't be fixed with superglue. That lines up with one of my rounds anyways."

"Hmm, interesting. I've never had a curfew before! What happens when time runs out?"

"I'd rather you go home before that, but if time does run out, we both go home. Then we do it all again the next night." Ari said matter-of-factly.

Yakko looked at his siblings to see if they had any input, they both shrugged. He turned his attention back to Ari and sighed. "Ari, you drive a hard bargain. I don't like it, but I respect it."

Ari held her hand out. "So. Do we have a deal?"

He looked at it. "Ehhh, why not. You're the one that has to deal with us for 4 whole hours! The only thing that'll change for us is we have to drag you along, and we LOVE dragging people along!" He grabbed her hand and shook it.

Ari gulped. He was right. In an effort to throw the Warners a bone, she had officially made her job three times harder than it used to be. It would have been WAY easier to tell Earl. Now it was too late.

"G-good." She stuttered. "Better get used to it. Now get me out of this chair, my legs are falling asleep."

The three of them grabbed Ari's arms and ripped her out of her seat.

She brushed herself off. "Whew, ok. Wow, I'm surprised that didn't rip my clothes up."

"Oh, yeah that's not a very funny payoff." Yakko lamented.

"Hmm." Wakko pondered. "I got it!"

Wakko grabbed a mallet and slammed into Ari's chest, knocking her back into her seat and causing it to slam closed on her.

"OWWW, AH WHAT THE FU-"

Wakko hit the mute button on a TV remote and Ari went silent.

"Was that better?" He asked Yakko.

"A little basic but yeah it'll do. Good job bro!"

After freeing Ari from her fabric prison and allowing her to yell at them, still muted mind you, the four of them left the auditorium and went their separate ways. Outside, and away from the Warners, Ari took a moment to think about what just went down. In the span of about 30 minutes, she had gone from never wanting to see the Warners ever again to accidentally agreeing to be around them all the time. The dread had certainly started to set in, but what else could she do? Yeah she threatened to tell Earl, but there was no way she was actually going to, she'd be demolished! The kids didn't know that though, and if all went well, they never would. She'd just have to deal with it until she could figure something else out.

She wandered back to the office in silence. When she got there, Earl was in his corner again. Not asleep, but he didn't look as awake and alert as he had before.

"Well, did you have fun out there?" He asked.

She nodded and sat down.

"Well good." He yawned. "Listen, I went around on my side while you were gone. I figured I might as well, and I must be getting old or something, cause everything looked the same. Nothing had changed like it did before. I figured my eyes must have been playing tricks on me. So, I decided to just let it go. I hope you ain't gotten used to me being up all hours of the night, cause this'll be the last time. I need to reserve my energy for the morning, Aw hell, I'm gonna be dead tired tomorrow."

"Well, at least you don't have to do another round now." Ari said. Or at least that's what she would have said if any words had come out of her mouth. Instead, she merely mouthed the words.

"Uh...huh…" Earl said confusedly. "Well, anyways, I'ma conk out, you keep working on your ventriloquism. I don't think you're there yet." With that, Earl immediately fell asleep.

"Uh, ok?" Ari said to herself. "What the heck is he talking about? Earl. Earl wake up for a second. Earl? EARL! EARRRLLL!" No matter how loud she yelled, Earl wouldn't respond. Now Ari knew something was up. She grabbed her radio and his from across the table and spoke through hers.

"Testing… 1,2,3"

Nothing came out of the other radio, no feedback, just static.

It was at that moment, Ari remembered what happened. The reason why she couldn't speak, and she screamed in frustration. Not that you'd ever know. After all, she was still muted.