What is this, you may be wondering? Another side-story? NOPE it's parody lyrics and i'm so sorry. So yeah, these have no reason to exist but seeing as how they DO exist, I figured I'd post them; someone might get a laugh out of them. They've been up on AO3 for a couple weeks but I wanted to wait to bring them here until I had some actual story content to post in SPSG to keep on the safe side of site rules. Just didn't want them to be some kind of one-archive exclusive, because that's stupid.
So obviously these songs and their descriptions contain spoilers for Yeah, I'm A Girl (But I'm Also A Gem), since, side-stories & extras anthology, but they're sorted by chapter of would-have-been appearance, so if you're new to the fic or haven't read it at all you can cherry-pick your spoilery content. Or click away and pretend you never saw anything. You can do that, too.
Giant Woman – Ruby (from Chapter 6: Like Nobody's Watching)
Ruby (Steven), Yang (Amethyst), and Qrow (Pearl) have been sealed in the engineering room of a crashed Gem spacecraft. The damaged drive is slowly seeping lethal radiation. The ventilation is dubious at best. The only way out is through a bulkhead designed to contain the kind of massive explosions that might happen in, y'know, the engineering room of a spacecraft. Ruby, having just learned about Fusion, realises Yang and Qrow's Fusion Charoite might be strong enough to bust through, but a week-long disagreement between the two has finally reached its boiling point. In the actual story, Ruby finally snaps and forces them to make nice and talk things out so they can Fuse. But why would she do that if she could count on ~*the power of song*~?
Can't believe I never knew
That you could turn into
A giant badass
A giant badass!
There's no need to fight!
Freedom is in sight
For a giant badass
All I've gotta do
Is help you turn into
A giant badass
A giant badass!
Come on, it's not too late
To make up and create
A giant badass
Oh, I know it'll be great
And I just can't wait
To get the heck outta this old shipwreck
If you can't get along
I'll keep singing this song
Until you bond over wanting to choke me!
Time is running out
The rads are climbing high
And I'm not sure about the air supply
So please please for me
Hurry up and be
A giant badass
A giant badass!
Breaking down this door
Would be so easy for
A giant badass…
Strong in the Real Way – Qrow & Ruby (from Chapter 11: Self-Possession)
For entirely practical reasons, Yang and Ozpin (Garnet) have Fused to form Chrysoberyl—and for entirely unknown reasons, Qrow is Not Happy about it. Chrysoberyl's most problematic trait is her obsession with wordplay, which is at worst mildly irritating and really doesn't explain Qrow's poor treatment of her. What Ruby, the reader, and even Chrysoberyl don't know is that after forming Charoite in Chapter 6, a euphoric Qrow persuaded Ozpin to attempt Fusing with him, but they failed. Qrow freaked out and blamed himself at first, but later concluded Ozpin was just too stressed by the encroaching main plot to Fuse with anyone. Except, apparently, he can Fuse with Yang just fine, even though he's always been closer to Qrow, so is Qrow the problem? Has he somehow missed every sign that one of his most important and treasured relationships is falling apart? Once Chrysoberyl leaves the room, Ruby tries getting answers out of Qrow, who's not in a sharing mood but lets a few things slip.
Qrow:
Why should I have to put up with her
And all of her little quirks?
Don't need her, just the two of them
You gotta go with what you know works
Ruby:
But I can see that you're more than annoyed
What's wrong? Just tell us!
She doesn't know what could have set you off, but I could swear you're—
Qrow:
Ruby, look, you've got this all wrong
Here's another take:
Sometimes people don't get along!
(softer)
Sometimes bonds can break
And sometimes there's no warning
You think it's all okay, then it goes away
And you're left mourning it
(Instrumental)
Ruby:
Dad taught me I should stand strong
By what I do and say
He said "That's how to be strong
In the real way!"
So let's ditch this whole pretence!
Just tell me why abuse them for being Fused—
Qrow:
(shouting)
Because it makes no sense!
Ruby:
…Don't know why it's weird for you
Don't know why you're so thrown, but you're not alone
Because I'm here for you
Stronger Than You – Ozpin (from Chapter 19: Resurgemus ex Favilla/Chapter 20: What We're Made Of)
A mission gone horribly wrong has landed Ruby, Qrow, Yang, and Ozpin in the brig of a spaceship bound for the Gem Homeworld. Newly revealed as a Fusion, Ozpin stays behind to battle Raven (Jasper) in order to buy time for the others to secure the ship and get it pointed back towards Remnant. Raven, who's decided that 2 + 2 = Ozpin ruined my life, is more than happy to have an excuse to try and kill him. Unfortunately for Raven, now that things can't get much worse for Ozpin, the uncertainty and anxiety which have governed his actions for most of the fic are gone, and she is not even a little bit the biggest bad Ozpin's ever faced…though he's rather vague about what is. His brief separation into his component Gems has also served to remind him of what he is: a deliberate Fusion brought into existence because he was and is wanted, standing in stark contrast to the reluctant and at times resentful gestalt entity that he is in canon.
Also for my sins I arranged an instrumental for this because I in fact have no life. Here's the URL, y'all know how the space-deleting workaround goes:
youtu . be /Ub0pIEWZlv0
Now, that's better
Back together
Just in time for you and I to settle in for a bit of a chat
If that would be alright—?
But no, I see you'll only settle for a fight.
You know, I feel a little bad for you, I do
You've no clue what's awaiting you,
Now I'm anticipating your move
I'll prove we're one-of-a-kind
Two souls in one, and one in mind
Go ahead and try and hit me if you're able
Don't you want to learn the moral of your fable?
I can see that you blame me for your sorrow
But that's trouble I don't need to borrow
I will not allow old fears to shake me
You don't have the firepower to take me
Higher powers have tried and failed to break me
If you want me to stop, dear, then come here and make me!
You might say that I'm made of
Love
Love
(Instrumental)
This is who we are
See what I've become?
Where two alone might falter
We have learned to stand as one
And you will not be adding
To all that we have lost
The world I love, the ones I cherish—
I won't let them pay the cost.
Go ahead and hit me if it's in your power
I've faced horrors that would make you run and cower
If you really think that you're what I'm afraid of
Then it's clear you don't know what I'm made of!
I am lightning come home to the thunder!
You could never tear our soul asunder
Fin'lly awoken
I am unbroken
One will in one voice spoken
Didn't I say that I'm made of
Love?
Love
And it's stronger than you…