The airport was a cocoon of steel, the white walls so elegantly curved and wrapping around to create this inner space. The beams supported so many windows, let in so much light, that in the daytime it is as bright as any summers day. I arrived early evening when the people moved as chaotic rainbows, so brilliant were the colours. They flowed from the check-in desks to the cafe's and through the gates, each one of them heading for a destination of their own making.
It was a shame I couldn't look around the small cafe's which were stationed here, the smells were practically screaming for me to try some of their delicacies. One small cafe, hidden in a corner, barely noticeable compared to the other busy ones caught my attention. It was a modest-looking place, with muffins and treats alike and if I wasn't in such a rush I would have grabbed something. I walked through the crowds, my shoes dragging against the hard concrete floor, my eyes drifting down to my feet. I knew this station, I knew this whole place like the back of my hand, could walk it in my sleep, so why was it now that I always took the wrong turn, or nearly bump into someone yet I'm normally avoiding contact like the plague. My eyes would stay at my feet, only glancing up to find the timetable and yet apparently my flight didn't even exist...are you kidding me?
Was all this some sick, twisted joke? This feeling, this cold dark feeling ignited a spark and you know what they say about a spark. Once it lights it doesn't stop. anger boiled deep down in my system, as hot as lava. It churned deep, ravenous for destruction. It all suddenly hit me and became too much for me to handle. I had a life, a good one, a decent one and because of one phone call, it was now thrown away like a used sweet wrapper. This was just all too much and-
"Well, well, well if it isn't Peggy junior?" A proud American voice boomed from behind me, the voice was laced in confidence and it instantly put me on edge. Confidence means having pride, pride means an ego. Having a big ego...well that just screams trouble. My back straightened out instinctively, rolling my shoulders with mild irritation. "It is you isn't it?"
"And who is asking?" I quip, turning my head slightly in his direction. Internally I was annoyed they knew who I was but who was he to approach me so ignorantly? I slowly emerge from the anger I possessed just a moment ago and my mind stopped spinning, having the anger dissipate within me felt nice. I felt free. Sometimes you just have to let it out, better in than out some would say. However, my mind once again reminded me that I had an arrogant American man next to me, claiming to know me through my sister. The man had dark brown hair and honestly seemed smugger than that engineer my sister talked about once...Howard Stank? Start? Stark? Whatever his last name, maybe I could tell my sister about this and compare notes.
"Your pilot, actually" He chuckled whilst bringing his arm over my shoulders, the navy suit he was wearing itching the back of my neck. He wasn't too much taller than me, probably roughly about 5'9 but I wasn't too sure. At this very moment in time, that wasn't exactly my priority. I do not like being touched, at least not by anyone that I don't know, which to be fair is standard but it puts me on edge. I flinched out of his grasp and turned swiftly towards him with a scowl on my face, my arms crossing over my chest. I felt my mothers bracelet tag on my dress harshly, making me wince. I love this dress, I adore the bracelet so none of them better be ruined because of this man. Well, I am the one who crossed my arms but that is beside the point.
"Look, mister, I don't know who you are or how you know me, but right now is not a good time," I growl, my emerald green eyes glaring at the stranger in front of me. I was slightly shocked at his handsomeness but I would be damned if I let that get in the way of this. "I am late to a plane that isn't even arri-"
"To go to your sister right? Peggy? Did she not mention that you are getting a private plane with the best pilot she knows? No? well, I will be having words with her when we arrive." The man in front of me joked, amusement glittering in his eyes before he glanced around effortlessly. "My names Howard, Howard Stark and I work closely with the military and as a special favour I was asked to collect you."
"Wait...you're The Howard my sister complains about?" My eyes bulge out my head, as my mind struggles to keep up with this new piece of information. Standing in front of me was the infamous Howard Stark. As my mind tries to settle down I instantly shut my mouth, which was previously hanging open in some state of shock. I can't believe I just told him my sister complains about him, she is going to kill me or love me or both. I groaned quietly, the manners my Ma taught me were screaming at me to apologise. "I...oh dear me, I am ever so sorry I was not told, no."
"Not to worry," He says, with a small smile on his lips which were nearly covered by his dark moustache on his upper lip. I notice him frown slightly, looking down at his feet for a few moments before grinning back up at me. "Did you say Peggy complains about me? Me? So she thinks of me eh?"
"what...I...no" I stumble out whilst my head shook swiftly in embarrassment. My shoulders let go of some of the tension that had caused them to tense involuntarily. If he was joking around with me, letting himself be seen in public with me, surely he isn't some sort of crazy serial killer right? "I just meant that..I..oh never mind"
Howard Stark let out a loud chuckle, causing a few people passing by to look this way with their eyebrows raised. His left hand came up to run through his slightly dishevelled hair. "I like you, I do. This chat has been great, lovely but shall we continue on it somewhere else? Like actually on the plane?"
"Of course, sorry," I mutter quickly, ducking my head slightly. I was such a nervous wreck at times that my mind was always on overdrive second-guessing everything I say or do cause me to stutter or pull myself away from situations like this. Meeting strangers spontaneously, who know you, was something which confused me. "Lead the way, sir."
"Okayyyyy never call me sir again," He chuckles out before walking towards his right, my small legs scurrying to catch up with him. I nearly stumble, over nothing, trying to keep up an appearance of confidence. "Make's me feel old like my dad...let me tell you is not a good thing."
"Sorry," I mumble, which was the last thing that was said until we got on the plane. The plane was small and private, not too big and not too fancy, but comfortable enough for one journey I suppose. Whilst Howard went straight to the pilots' seat, I wandered slowly to the bench which was on the left of the plane. Sitting down on it was something, I instantly took back my statement of it being anything close to comfortable.
"So little Carter, the trips going to be a little long so try and get comfortable." Howard stark's light cheery voice broke me out of my thoughts, causing my attention to stray from how uncomfortable this journey would be to the man who was currently flying the plane. It took me a while to realise that it had been just a moment too long that I hadn't replied. "I know it isn't the most comfortable of things, but I wasn't exactly given a lot of time to.."
"It is satisfactory, not to worry." My voice comes out strong, which surprised me slightly, but my eyes betrayed me by glancing down at my fidgeting fingers. The once perfectly polished nails were now chipped with the amount of picking I did today. When I was nervous I tended to pick at either the skin around my nails or the polish, I have tried to stop even tried to flick a band on my wrist but as it turned out that didn't help. Howard's eyes scream that all will be okay, but I am anxious. It comes as an electrical storm in my brain, that quite honestly, is painful. It is different from a headache and it feels the same as intense sorrow, perhaps as a sort of frozen panic with nowhere to go. So though, despite my fighting hands, I appear calm, my sad eyes are saying far more than 'help me', they are saying that my soul is in such unbearable pain and all the lack of control. This feeling is like being hooked up to the mains, not enough voltage to kill but sufficient to keep things uncomfortable. I guess that's the downside of liking to keep things in a state of control. Everything from the phone call to this plane journey was out of my control, causing my mind to constantly be working at over one hundred miles per hour and causing at times for me to get dizzy.
"Hey, hey. Everything is going to be alright," Howard speaks, his voice which was once light and airy now calm and collected. It is almost as if he could tell of my internal battle. when I am triggered it is so very hard to have self-control, I'm almost on autopilot, it is my behaviour but it is as if the gas peddle got stuck down and in that acceleration, in that momentum, the steering wheel gets jammed up too. It is all fight or flight and it is so disappointingly primitive but I can't override it unless I have someone to help me, to guide, to release that emotional pressure so that I can take back the steering and make good choices. Without having someone there, to switch my higher brain back on, I am temporarily what you would call stupid. "Just take deep breaths and count to ten? Does that work? Oh lord I have no idea how to-"
"N-no I'm okay, it's okay" I stutter, my arms hugging myself as I look outside the window. Flying must come so naturally to him, must feel like home. He could probably curl up and sleep as easily as if he were in his bed with the way he was so confident in piloting. The engines roared underneath me and the wind buffeted, it was as if we were in a sky-born cradle, rocked by the winds far above the ground. Even as the engines turned, his face remained cheery whilst my whole body shook. There were thousands of miles to go and all I had to do was rely on this technological bird and a cocky engineer to fly us there. From the window of the plane the wing engine is semi-illuminated, the lower half shining around the rim, the upper half several shades darker. As the plane dips slightly the line between shadow and light moves, and all the while I listen to the hum of the rotors. 'I...I wasn't given much warning either, you see, I was at work two hours ago and now here I am being shipped off without even a moments notice. It's just a lot."
"Well, at least you are with the most handsome man you have ever seen, right?" He joked, his smile broadening and instinctively I smiled shyly back at him with a little giggle escaping my tight lips. It may not have calmed me down completely, but the humour was appreciated and did at least assist me in keeping my mind off the fact I was leaving everything behind. My apartment, my friends and my work. I straighten my back with an air of finality. My life was anything below average and nothing worth remembering, so screw my old apartment which looked like it was about to fall apart at any moment, screw my friends which I doubt even actually cared and screw my sexist work where I would always have to work ten times as hard because I am a woman. Screw it all. I stare dutifully out the window, watching the cloud drift past, and as the calmness of the outside filled my thoughts. I take my painful memories and place them in a box; the box is their coffin and I set them to rest inside the dark box. This box would forever hold the memories in which I would deal with later, or never, depending on my mood. This box would force me to stop dwelling on things in the past, to stop mourning the life I never truly lived. I was starting anew, starting a whole new life and I was going to grasp it with everything I have got. I took an invisible padlock, with a key and locked it. Storing it away in the crevices of my mind, out of mind and out of sight.
"At least the view is something special," I say dreamily whilst looking out the window at the sky, but keeping a small smirk on my face knowing he would take it as me meaning him. He wasn't exactly terrible to look at, but he just wasn't my type. I internally groan trying to figure out what my type was and have always assumed I would just know. My previous fling was a tall blonde, who was way too pale for his own good and he nearly ruined everything for me. So I knew for sure that wasn't my type anymore, I'm not too sure it ever truly was. In my opinion, you should love an ex the same way you would love a stranger, no less nor more- they are your ex-love and buried, alive and dead simultaneously, marked with a kiss that is to never happen again, the seal of history passed and moved on from. That being said, I was not one to judge people who did return, everyone's situations are different and therefore unless you know all the details you should not ever judge. Knowing half the story, even just over half is never enough. Well, suppose against hat does depend on the situation. There were loads of grey patches in that, nothing set in stone in black and white. Complex really.
"You wound me, darling," Howard jested, his chuckles filling the comfortable silence of the plane. He had finished pressing buttons a while ago and now only focused on directing the plane in the right direction. I was surprised at how smooth the journey had been thus far, there was barely any turbulence or disturbances. "Just watch, soon I shall be your favourite person ever."
"Want to wager on that, Stark?" I snort out before moving to the empty pilot seat next to him since these from afar looked comfier than the benches and I was right. These had cushions on them, not very thick ones but they were better than the hard wooden seat I had previously been perched on. At least here I had something to rest my back on instead of having to lean forward in case I lent against the boxes. "You are taking me to see my sister."
"Okay okay, I suppose I yield to first place but will you save me a place at second?" The man beside me chuckled out, his eyebrows raised questionably but his eyes never left the sky in front of him. Being in the sky in the sunshine, the warmth surrounding us, gave me a sweet sense of freedom. It was truly a breathtaking sight. We flew through the ever-developing canvas of the dawn, drawing such buoyant hues. the plane wings in the sky became colours of my dreams and whenever I needed a memory to distract me from the worrying thought of the future, they were there. "Please?"
"I'll have to think on that proposition, of course, you understand," My brow arches in a silent challenge, my lips puckered slightly whilst holding back a small giggle. I wasn't used to being this enclosed with someone I barely knew, I never did anything too adventurous and looking back on it, I suppose I did have the option to refuse my sisters offer, but how could I do that? She was ecstatic, or at least a Peggy version of it. I hated to disappoint her, she was practically my only family and she meant a great deal to me. She would sigh, a type of sigh which once heard just knew she wasn't taking no for an answer, and instead of me saying yes then and there we would battle it out and I would end up saying yes an hour later. It is how we worked, mostly what Peggy wants, Peggy gets. To some that may sound awful, but she always had everyone's best interest at heart despite sometimes having a weird way of showing it.
"Well, I suppose that will have to do for now." He sobered, his face finally turning towards me with a small smile. His gaze faltered slightly and for a minute I was worried I had something on my face. His gaze went back, his eyes refocusing on the outside would. "You look like you are in some dire need of shuteye, love."
"I suppose, you don't mind?" I tentatively squeak out, my hands once again fidgeting aimlessly. My heart rate speeding up at the thought of sleeping, being at my most vulnerable seemed incredibly daunting at this moment.
"You're gobbledygook, that's what you are." He announces as if he's talking to just more than one person, his voice booming over the rumble of the engine. "Don't you worry, get some shuteye and I shall make sure we get to your sister."
My mind raced with all the worst outcomes that could transpire whilst I dreamt the time away. But the moment Ig lanced back at the man who had been nothing but kind to me for hours already, my thoughts brushed away as if they were never there. I would be safe. Falling asleep was one of the best things that have happened to me so far, letting the small blanket which Howard had placed upon me made me feel snug and safe, letting the world of dreams come to me in its dancing way.
I would be in America soon, and by god, I would need some sleep if I was going to survive.