CHAPTER 1:
The Boss
My name is Yutaka Takenouchi.
He sits like an iron statue, arms crossed and eyes intensely focused. A dark miasma surrounds him, inspiring alien saucers to fly by.
I was the leader of Year One at Cromartie High School. Now that I've just started Year Two, my standing as boss is shaky. Motherfuckers all over the school are going to start challenging me for my spot. I've also got a lot of enemies from the other delinquent schools, all now within blocks of Cromartie.
A flying saucer drops a flower on his head.
I need to be on my guard, at all times.
Another shoots the flower off.
That means avoiding public transit.
Outside, bullet trains speed on suspended tracks with more than one support missing. Some of the tracks are taken out all together, forcing trains to zip on alternate lines and jughandles to avoid falling.
Takenouchi sits on one such train, arms crossed, entire mind and body focused.
I suffer severe motion sickness. The miasma surrounding him turns from black-and-purple to puke-and-olive green. The only way to get from one damn city to the other is by train, and all these tracks have been damaged by monsters so often, nothing's stable!
Indeed, the entire train shakes more violently than normal, while spontaneously leaning one way, then the other. On a particularly damaged bridge, the train lays almost completely on its side, gloriously staying on the track through the right-side magnets in the wheels.
Tears brim Takenouchi's face. Through pure strength of will, he's able to keep his seat without falling. I can't keep going to school like this, he thinks frantically. I'm going to have to get right to the restroom, if I can even make it. Then I'll be dizzy and out of it all morning. I can't go on like this!
The train rights itself with a jolting lurch. Tiny flying saucers and a teddy bear crash against the windows. Takenouchi has to audibly swallow his chunks down. It makes him cringe, and crouch slightly.
"Woo-hoo!"
An obnoxious voice sharply hits Takenouchi.
No, not him!
With dread, he turns and sees a familiar face in the seat nearby.
Kamiyama sits with his hands over his head, thrown back and shouting, "Yeah! It's like a daily thrill ride! What a way to get to school."
The train jostles, then lurches the other way. Only for a moment, but being thrown back-and-forth so quickly makes Takenouchi turn green.
"Yes!" Kamiyama shouts. The people around him start laughing along with him. "That was awesome!"
Why haven't I killed him yet?
When they finally get to the station, Takenouchi practically falls out of the train. Yes, solid ground! Now I can breathe slowly, collect myself.
A clap on his back threatens to push everything out. Again, he swallows, turning even greener.
"Hey, Takenouchi," says Kamiyama jovially. "How about that ride, huh? You seemed to be enjoying yourself."
Takenouchi groans. "Sure."
"I'm going to take a cab the rest of the way," says Kamiyama. "Want to come?"
"No!"
"Are you sure? The walking route is riddled with monsters."
"I don't care."
"Wow," Kamiyama remarks admirably. "I guess that's why you're the boss of our year, huh?"
"Yeah," Takenouchi starts walking down the abandoned, broken sidewalk. "See you at school."
In the quiet of this corner of Y-City, the wind whistles between pipes from broken buildings and through empty alleyways. A bundle of wires bounces across Takenouchi's path.
Heh, he thinks with a smile. Reminds me of the desert. I miss it sometimes, honestly. It was peaceful.
Suddenly, from the ground before him, three imps rise up.
"Food!" they cry. "Meat!"
Takenouchi puffs out his chest, grits his teeth, and lights his eyes with the anger and suffering from his train ride.
The imps are crushed under his fists, one hit each, faster than they had emerged. Takenouchi continues walking as peacefully, if not more so, than before.
That's more like it, he ponders, stretching his neck and shoulders. Working my limbs, letting out aggression. This is what I need, a good walk every day.
My name is Takeshi Hokudo, B-Class Hero, Rank 30. Hokudo sits in a classroom bustling with smokers, gossipers, and whispering conspirators. I came to Cromartie High School last year, by accident, on my journey to dominate every major school in every city. Then, this year, I missed the deadline to transfer somewhere else.
The guys in class are loudly invested in an arm wrestling match between Freddie and Gorilla. Hayashida is shouting, taking bets, while Hokudo's lackey and Bad cheer on both of them. Kamiyama and Maeda debate the science of which challenger is stronger.
Conquering these dumbasses shouldn't be a problem. Hokudo cradles his hands and ponders seriously, smoke circling into a mandala behind him. So why haven't I been able to? What has been holding me back? I did say I wanted to be the boss of the world, but really, if I can't dominate Cromartie, or the Hero's Association, then I can't dominate anything.
He looks across the room and notices Takenouchi, scrolling on his phone. Even when the force of Freddie's push breaks the desk in half, Takenouchi doesn't react.
If I want to be boss of Cromartie Year 2, I'll have to take on Takenouchi. Hokudo swallows. I can't hesitate, if I don't challenge him early, he'll rule for another year.
With a sigh, he stands and crosses the room to Takenouchi.
The giant boss scrolls down a page featuring apartments across Cities Y and Z. Hokudo clears his throat not once, but three times to get noticed.
Takenouchi moves only his eyes to glare at Hokudo. "What?"
Hokudo's face turns red. A thumping sound fills his ears.
"I-" he mumbles. "I, uh, that is to say, um-"
"What?" Takenouchi's face suddenly blushes. "You, uh, you asking me out? Or something?"
"What? No," proclaims Hokudo, his voice momentarily squeaking. Composing himself, he speaks louder, for the room to hear. "Ahem, Yutaka Takenouchi. I, Takeshi Hokudo, challenge you for the position of Year 2 Leader!"
All the boys in the room gasp. The silence hangs thick in the air, melting the classroom walls in a black miasma.
Takenouchi scoffs, then goes back to his phone. "Fuck off, Abercrombie."
Everyone laughs, except Kamiyama and Hokudo's lackey. The former shakes his head, while the latter is livid.
"You can't take that, Hokudo," he cries. "Show him what you're made of!"
All the boys start chanting "Fight, fight, fight, fight!" Metal Bat bangs his weapon in time with the cheer; Hayashida starts taking bets.
Hokudo cracks his knuckles, stretches his shoulders, and gets in the stance for Whirlwind Iron Cutting Fist.
"I've had private lessons," he brags confidently. "From Master Bomb, founder of Whirlwind Iron Cutting Fist, since I was six. I'm ready to finally show everyone at this school what I'm capable of!"
Takenouchi huffs, not looking up from his phone.
"Raagh!" Hokudo spins his hands with his wrists attached, forming a circular vortex of air before him.
"Whoa," says Hayashida, impressed. "I've never seen him do anything that cool!"
Smiling, Hokudo bends his elbows back, getting ready to push his spinning chi into Takenouchi.
The hulking boy finally stands. The sheer weight of his mass cuts through the whirlwind as he reaches through with a single arm and shoves two fingers up Hokudo's nose.
Everyone gapes in astonishment as Takenouchi lifts Hokudo up by his nostrils, spins him around overhead, then throws him across the classroom. Hokudo lands painfully back-first, knocking everything nearby to the floor with a crash. He, however, remains stuck in the drywall, unable to wriggle free.
"Help me!" he cries over the ruckus laughter.
His lackey runs up and pulls him out, needing to use both hands and plant a foot against the wall. They both fall to the floor in a heap.
The boys are beside themselves. Metal Bat is legitimately cry-laughing.
"That's what you get," he shouts. "That's what you get! Have Daddy buy your ass a school!"
"Abercrombie High," chuckles Maeda. "Or Bitch Academy?"
"Abercrombie Bitch Academy!" yells Hayashida.
"Abercrombie Bitch Academy," the class sings together.
Takenouchi cleans his fingers on a random bystander's jacket, then resumes his apartment search.
Hokudo rubs his back, wincing.
"Are you alright?" asks his lackey.
"I hate this school," grumbles Hokudo.
Kamiyama appears and puts a comforting hand on Hokudo's shoulder. "Maybe take this as a lesson," he suggests. "To make yourself stronger physically. But also emotionally, to overcome this new nickname-"
"Nickname?" squeaks Hokudo.
Kamiyama continues as if uninterrupted. "-and spiritually, to start behaving like a hero, and embracing what your title really means."
"Kamiyama," Hokudo's shining smile brings sparkles, pink light, and little fairies around the pair. He puts his own hand on Kamiyama's shoulder, inspiring a unicorn to run through the background.
Hokudo looks Kamiyama deeply in the eyes and says, "Fuck off."
My name is Saitama.
The bald man wore his hero's yellow jumpsuit and long, white cape. Grocery bags didn't weigh him down at all, but he still walked with a slouch, taking his time down the empty sidewalk. A fun brown teddy bear bounces discreetly beside him down his route.
I used to be a hero for fun, now I do it for fun and profit. And routine, I guess, since a lot of monsters gather here in Z-City. Even since we eradicated the Monster Association, there seems to be something about this area...maybe the fact that it's pretty much abandoned.
At that thought, atop the wall to his right, he sees a bald, wideset person in a boy's school uniform perched on the top. Without a moment's hesitation, they jump and land on their feet, shaking the ground as they land. The person stretches their feet, then walks towards Saitama's apartment building.
"Huh," muses Saitama. "Wonder who that is?"
He gets to his apartment and sees the boy standing before a door down the hall, tapping on his phone.
"Hey, there," Saitama calls. "How's it going?"
"Oh," the boy looks up. He's a few inches taller than Saitama, and balder, with his shaved eyebrows. He steps closer. "Do you live here?"
"Yeah, name's Saitama."
"Takenouchi."
The two shake hands, and a shockwave of strength passes between them. They pause. Takenouchi stares down in astonishment, while Saitama gives him a knowing smirk.
That grip, thinks Takenouchi. Those muscles, it's like clutching iron!
When they pull away, Takenouchi asks, "Um, do you know the landlord? He said I could come see the place, but I don't see him anywhere."
Saitama chuckles. "He's not coming here. This whole place is pretty much abandoned, due to all the monster activity."
"Oh." Takenouchi looks down the hall at the vacant apartment. "So does that mean it's unlocked already?"
"Um, maybe?"
They approach the door, and Takenouchi opens it with ease. "Huh," he remarks. "Guess so."
He walks inside, Saitama following out of curiosity, still carrying his groceries.
The apartment is just like Saitama's, albeit dirtier. Takenouchi flicks a switch, and the light turns on. He tests a faucet, and water flows.
"Cool," he remarks. He walks around, inspecting the windows and doors. "I was expecting more to be broken."
"This building got pretty lucky," says Saitama. "It's not a bad place to live, all things considering. Really quiet."
"I love that," Takenouchi tells him. "It's also right over the wall from my school."
"Is that where you jumped over from? I didn't know there was a school there."
"They just moved us there, Cromartie High."
"Never heard of it."
"Lucky."
Saitama chuckles. Takenouchi opens the sliding door and steps out on the patio. Nodding, he comes back inside, and gets on his phone. "I like it, I think I'll take it."
"You sure?" asks Saitama. "I mean, the monster sightings are no joke."
Takenouchi shrugs. "Beats riding the train every day."
"I hear you," cries Saitama. "They make me throw up every time! I prefer running."
"Where do you do your grocery shopping?" Takenouchi points at the grocery bags as the two men step out of the apartment.
"The grocer's on Third Street, in Y City."
"And you can walk there?"
"Well, I can," smirks Saitama.
Takenouchi chuckles. "Unfortunately, I still have to ride the train tonight. But it was nice to meet you, Saitama."
"You too, Takenouchi."
The boy walked down the steps to the sidewalk, only to be accosted by a screaming, charging horse-sized monster.
"Meat!" it cries. "So much mea-"
Takenouchi turns and hits it with a clean right hook. It hits the wall before falling on the ground.
At that moment, Saitama jumps over the concrete railing and lands directly on the imp, crushing it to instant jelly.
He turns, and smiles at Takenouchi. "See you around."
Takenouchi shrugs and turns to hide the rising blush in his cheeks. "See you, Saitama."
Walking down the abandoned sidewalk, Takenouchi turns his smile up toward the sunset. Think I'll just walk home today.
The curve of the sun over the horizon makes him think of Saitama's smooth scalp, his rolling muscles through his form-fitting bodysuit.
Saitama. Takenouchi smiles, then blushes slightly. I wonder if I should get to know him better. I already wish he was here, enjoying this beautiful sunset with me.
The shelled remains of apartment buildings and overpasses look like shadows contrasting the rainbow in the sky, of twilight chasing away the day. Fireflies emerge, showing Takenouchi where scant plants begin to grow between the broken concrete.
There's something about these abandoned buildings amidst nature being so pure, so gorgeous. Gives me hope that things can be rebuilt, that where something dies, another thing grows. Even setting, seeing the sunlight puts things in a new perspective-
Thunder sounds. It starts to rain before the clouds can even darken.
Damn it.