"What about when you were a fashion model? I don't know if you've realized, darling, but models don't become famous like yourself for their personality, even if yours is extraordinarily wonderful. Ponies all over Equestria were in awe of your beauty! Half were stallions. Was that not evidence enough that it is possible for stallions to find you attractive?"
It should've been. Adoring fans waiting around every corner. Indecisive, abrupt photographers capturing "the magics" of every pose she struck or outfit she donned. The hushed praises and boisterous applause from the audience as she walked the runway. Ponies in every size, shape, and color saying how lovely she was. It would've been enough for anygirl. But it wasn't for her. The volume with which the voice in her head derided her was louder than the chorus of every girl in Equestria speaking in unison, telling her what Rarity had just told her a moment ago: that she was beautiful. It didn't matter how many times ponies said it if she couldn't see it herself. She knew what beautiful was, and it wasn't her. Beautiful was the Unicorn sitting next to her, silently begging her to say something.
Again, she wanted to, but didn't trust herself to speak, even if she did know what to say. Each of the things Rarity mentioned were times when she'd truly wanted to feel beautiful, she longed to see what everygirl else saw, but she couldn't, not when see was hearing that voice anyway, and not while she was still fighting off her feelings of jealousy.
The source of said jealousy was experiencing her own maelstrom of emotions now that she'd accepted what Sweetie Belle had told her. Failure was the first. The one thing that made Rarity's life worthwhile, the reason she pursued a career in fashion, was her indefatigable drive to make ponies feel as beautiful as she knew they were. As long as they had inner beauty, and Celestia knows Sweetie Belle had that in spades, there was potential and with the right outfit, she could bring that inner beauty out and make it shine. But she couldn't make that happen when it counted most. Next came guilt.
Ever since Sweetie Belle had attended Iron Will's seminar and, through a few incidents of trial and error, learned to assert herself without deviating from her shy and polite personality, Rarity had seen the way her confidence grew each day, little by little. She had never been more proud of her, and she had finally stopped worrying so much about Sweetie Belle's ability to stand up for herself. But it wasn't Sweetie Belle's self-confidence she should have been worried about all this time, but her self-image, which she thought had been very positive. The only indication anything was amiss were the looks she sometimes caught Sweetie Belle giving her. She was used to looks of envy from other mares, but had she known that those looks harbored something beyond that, she could have told Sweetie Belle about her own feelings and made her see that she wasn't some goddess in mortal form, but an average girl, just as susceptible to feelings of insecurity and jealousy as everygirl else. Even if knowing she wasn't alone didn't help Sweetie Belle any, she could have shared her way of overcoming those feelings. Of course, she could've done something sooner if only Sweetie Belle had told her about it.
But before she spent too long wallowing in these feelings, that last sentence had sparked a flame of determination inside her, and it was bright enough to burn through the darkness of her negative emotions. Sweetie Belle had told her, regardless how long she'd been too afraid to do so, and just as Rarity had said before, she was going to help in any way she could. Maybe there wasn't anything she could do, but it was her duty as a friend and as a girl that valued beauty as much as she did to at least try.
Rarity stood up from the lounge abruptly and took the hoof of a despondent Sweetie Belle. "Come with me, darling." Rarity gingerly helped Sweetie Belle off the couch and onto her shaky hooves. "I'm not going to sit idly by and let you continue believing that you are anything less than a gorgeous young mare that any stallion in Equestria should be praying to Celestia for a chance to court. I can't guarantee I'll be able to help, but I'll at least make an effort."
The determination in Rarity's tone and the severe look in her eyes was enough to startle Sweetie Belle into stepping back an inch. Sweetie Belle was beginning to regret ever divulging any of this to Rarity. She had already hurt her feelings and now she was going to waste her time on a lost cause when she could be doing something productive. She opened her mouth in protest, but closed it before any words could escape. Curiosity, and a faint desperate hope that maybe Rarity could help compelled her to at least see what she what she had in mind. Besides, she was clearly in one of those moods where nothing anygirl did would deter her from the task at hand. It usually only applied to when she was working, being "in the zone" is what she called it, but sometimes there were exceptions, this being one of them. Sighing in defeat, Sweetie Belle tentatively followed after.
The shattered remains of Rarity's teacup crunched under their hooves as they trotted toward the staircase near the back of the showroom. The sight of the porcelain carnage made Rarity wince. It's a good thing those weren't expensive.
Rarity led her up the staircase, took a right, and walked into her workroom.
It had been a while since Sweetie Belle had been in there, but it looked the same for the most part. Rarity's sewing machine sat on a table in the corner. Opalescence snoozed in a patch of sunlight on Rarity's canopy bed, her fluffy white tail tucked around her like a blanket. She looked so adorable, Sweetie Belle had to suppress the urge to fly over and pet her. girlquins lined the walls; some had fabric draped over them, some were bare, and some donned completed gowns. Bolts of fabric along with various other materials were scattered haphazardly about the room, to the point where Sweetie Belle could barely walk without stepping on something. For a girl as neat and persnickety as Rarity, Sweetie Belle just couldn't fathom why she kept her workspace in such a state of disarray. "Organized chaos" is what she called it, but Sweetie Belle could see no organization, only chaos.
Sweetie Belle was about to ask why she'd been brought up here when Rarity lit her horn and her magic enveloped a full-body mirror that had been resting in between two of her girlquins.
She levitated it over to where it was directly in front of them and plucked off a piece of lace that had been lying across one of the corners. Sweetie Belle immediately noticed that it had a giant crack in it that ran the entire length of the glass.
It was an antique Rarity had bought at a rummage sale from an elderly mare who was selling it for a song. She'd just recently retired and was trying to make some extra bits, and no matter how much the mare protested, Rarity had insisted on giving her twice what she was asking for. For a while, it had been hanging proudly in the showroom for ponies to admire themselves in her garments.
That is, until Sweetie Belle, in an attempt to get a "roller derby" cutie mark, Rarity still wasn't sure what that was, had a full on collision course with it. Rarity had warned Sweetie more times than she could count not to skate indoors, and when she found the mirror split up the middle, she knew exactly what, or who, had caused it. It still functioned properly, but Rarity wanted only the best for her customers, so she replaced it with a new one and retired the antique to her workroom, not willing to part with it just yet. Rarity gave the old mirror a melancholy smile. Despite the glaring flaw, it was a grand mirror and she had always been fond of it.
To Rarity, it was a cherished possession, but to Sweetie Belle, it was the bane of her existence. Not this mirror in particular, it had done nothing to offend her, but every reflective surface in existence, for it never failed to bring about the voice's wrath each time she saw her reflection. A part of Sweetie Belle hoped that Rarity had just wanted her to admire it, and she was indeed, but she wasn't that naive, she knew what Rarity's intentions were. Her instincts told her to run, to fly out the window and get as far away from this mirror as she could, but her rational mind told her that Rarity didn't know about the voice or her avoidance of mirrors. She was only trying to help her, even if this would really be more of a hinderance than a help.
Rarity brushed the dust off the glass, immediately regretting her decision when the filth clung to her hooves. She levitated a hoofkerchief over and meticulously wiped them clean before turning her attention back to her friend, that look of firm resolution returning to her eyes.
"Sweetie Belle, I want you to tell me what you see when you look at yourself. And be honest."
Rarity pointed a white hoof at the butter yellow Pegasus that Sweetie Belle could barely see out of the corner of her eye, and she made the terrible mistake of following Rarity's hoof. The second she made eye contact, Sweetie Belle only had time to see herself cringe before immediately looking away.
"Ah ah ah, not so fast." A well-manicured hoof was placed under Sweetie Belle's chin and Rarity guided her gaze reluctantly back to herself. With Rarity's hoof keeping her head firmly in place, she had no choice but face the girl in the mirror, and sure enough, a crescendo of laughter echoed from within the blackness. So the flawless Rarity wants to know what you see? It's the same thing you always see isn't it? A dull, lackluster mane and limp tail that never looks any better no many how many extensions you put in it. Oddly shaped eyes in disproportion to your muzzle. A pathetic little Pegasus filly, tall, lanky, and unbecoming. Tears running down her cheeks and her tiny form quivering as her first love pointed and laughed at her. And all because she let herself think, for one moment, that maybe she really was pretty enough to catch a colt's attention. Hm, what a shame, the voice jeered in mock-pity. Of course, what you see right in front of you isn't anywhere near as bad as what you see sitting next to you. As though an unseen force was pulling them against her will, Sweetie Belle's eyes slowly shifted to Rarity.
The rays of mid-afternoon sunlight that streamed in through the window and tinted her alabaster coat a shade of gold paled in comparison to her resplendence. Her eyes shimmered like polished sapphire twinkling in the light and her voluminous indigo mane was impeccably styled as always. Her stoic expression gave her an air of regality that rivaled even Celestia's. Quite a nice change from your homely face isn't it? It was indeed, and just as she had when Rarity was asleep, Sweetie Belle found herself mesmerized by her radiance. Now look back at yourself. Sweetie Belle obeyed, however grudgingly, and tore her eyes away from Rarity. When her own plain feature greeted her again, that oh-too-familiar feeling of inadequacy gripped her, this time ten-fold. See? Wouldn't it be so much better if her face was the one you saw? She takes it for granted, but you wouldn't.
Jealousy began to claw at her with it's cruel talons as it had done more times than she could count, more times than she'd ever wanted too, and it only made her feel more ashamed. And you hate her for it. Sweetie Belle grit her teeth, her vision going red with anger at the mere suggestion that she would ever hate one of her closest friends for something so petty. Jealousy was one thing, hatred was something else entirely. Ever since it began, even when everything else she had experienced contradicted it, she always regarded what the voice had said as truth. But this was the one thing she could clearly discern as false. It had gone too far with that remark and she wasn't going to hear another word of it. Sweetie Belle pushed Rarity's hoof away, a bit more forcefully than she'd intended, allowing her to finally look away and giving her a brief respite.
"I'm sorry, Rarity. I can't. You...you wouldn't want me to be honest."
Rarity swallowed hard and tried to maintain her poise as Sweetie Belle's words brought her fears to fruition. However, she'd expected this, and even if seeing Sweetie Belle so unappreciative of herself devastated her, she remained resilient in her efforts.
"Can I at least tell you what I see? Even if you choose not to believe me?" Sweetie Belle nodded, looking back into the mirror but only at Rarity. When the eyes of their reflections met, Sweetie Belle could see that fervent look in Rarity's eyes was still there, and it only grew in intensity as she spoke. "I see a girl who is as beautiful inside as she is outside," Rarity began in earnest, "There is nogirl in Equestria with a heart as pure and, if I may be so bold, saintly as yours, and you're beauty is only an outward reflection of that. Why, both your voice, spirit, and appearance are so angelic, I daresay it's only apropos that you were born with wings." Rarity allowed herself a small smile at the cleverness of her analogy before her expression turned austere once more."Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, darling, and you are a sight to behold. You are flawless in every way possible, and if those….imbeciles couldn't see that," she stamped her hoof on the piece of silk lying underneath it for emphasis, some of her previous anger returning, "then I weep for them."
Just like Rarity when Sweetie Belle had finished telling her story, Sweetie Belle had no words for what she was feeling. Rarity had always been forthright when it came to how she felt, sometimes excessively so, but in the span that she'd known her, Rarity had rarely ever spoken about anything with such conviction. Nogirl had ever said anything so….poetic like that to her before, and it made her heart feel like it had shared her wings and had taken flight. The higher it soared, the more it filled Sweetie Belle with unadulterated happiness. It felt familiar somehow, and she couldn't help but feel like she had experienced something like this once before.
But then, just as it did every time Sweetie Belle let her guard down and considered believing what somegirl said, there was the voice ready to dissuade her. She's lying….You know Rarity, she's just being polite. She doesn't mean it, you're none of those things and you know it. It's just one of the same disingenuous compliments you always receive. Maybe it was right and Sweetie Belle wasn't anything like what Rarity had said she was, but that compliment was anything but disingenuous. This had more depth to it than Rarity just trying to be polite and make her feel better. There wasn't a doubt in Sweetie Belle's mind that Rarity meant what she said, she could see the honesty burning in her eyes. However, there was always the voice of doubt. Just because the words are spoken honestly doesn't mean they're true.
While Sweetie Belle waged an internal battle with herself, Rarity took Sweetie Belle's silence and pensive expression as a sign that she had indeed chose not the believe her and decided to try a different approach. This was something she should've shared with Sweetie Belle from the very beginning, but before she did, she had to be certain that her hunch was right.
"Darling, is one of the reasons why you have such a hard time seeing your own beauty because you're envious of mine?"
Sweetie Belle gasped and her eyes went wide with shock. "H-How did you know that?!"
"Call it a Unicorn's intuition." Rarity said nonchalantly.
It was vague, but the implications of it were enough to send a spike of cold fear plunging into Sweetie Belle's gut. "You were reading my thoughts!? T-That's what that spell was?!" I said something about Rarity being beautiful! Oh Celestia, that has to be it! It was the only plausible explanation, as Sweetie Belle had been certain to conceal her feelings thoroughly. It seemed like no secret of hers was going to go unconfessed today. Little did Sweetie Belle know, neither were Rarity's.
Rarity simply chuckled. "I wasn't reading your thoughts, I was blocking them. Something I may have to do more often if you continue to think so poorly of yourself. No Unicorn is capable of reading minds, not even one so powerful as our very own Princess Twilight Sparkle. Our private thoughts are just that for a reason. Although, it makes me wonder," A toothy, impish grin spread across her face, one as dazzling as it was devious, "what it is you don't want me to know?"
There wasn't anything in particular, Rarity already knew everything there was to know about Sweetie Belle, and if she hadn't before, she did now. She knew about the colts, the stallion, her insecurity, and now, apparently her jealousy. The only thing left was the voice, but Rarity would just think she was crazy if she told her about that. There were no skeletons left in the closet, so why did the question suddenly make Sweetie Belle incredibly flustered? Her wings ruffled in agitation, her eyes darted around the room, and her cheeks burned so intensely she half expected her fur to catch fire. What does Rarity think I'm hiding? I can understand why she thinks there's more I'm not telling her, because there is, but why is she looking at me like that? she wondered, as her heart beat faster. For some inexplicable reason, Sweetie Belle was nervous. Well, more nervous than usual.
Sweetie Belle's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water until she finally stammered out, "I...um...w-well...I…"
Rarity chuckled again. "Oh, do calm down, darling, I was only joking. You look like you're about to faint and we all know that's my department." She winked and Sweetie Belle couldn't help but giggle, some of the butterflies in her stomach fluttering away and making her feel a little more at ease. "And all I meant by that is, Unicorns are very perceptive of their surroundings, and I'll catch glimpses of you looking at me when you think I'm unaware of it. Sometimes, I see a hint of envy in your eyes. And don't to try deny it," Rarity quickly added when Sweetie Belle opened her mouth in protest, "I've seen it enough times to know it when I see it. It's commonplace for me to get that look from mares, so when I started seeing it from you after we became friends, I thought nothing of it." Rarity sighed, her feelings of guilt coming back with a vengeance. "If only I'd known that there was more behind those looks than mere jealousy, I would have told you this a long time ago."
Sweetie Belle raised her eyebrows, intrigued. "Told me what?"
Now that her suspicions were confirmed, she remembered what she had thought after she learned that Sweetie Belle had never felt beautiful, and decided it was time to let Sweetie Belle know that they were two in the same. She couldn't help but feeling like Equestria's most notorious hypocrite for telling Sweetie Belle it was wrong to keep secrets when that was what she had been doing the entire time, but even though she had an obligation as friend, there were sometimes exceptions to secret keeping. Sweetie Belle had her reasons for being so reluctant to tell Rarity her secret, just as Rarity had for hers. But they had been afraid of hurting each other's feeling by telling the truth once before, and if anything, it had only made their friendship stronger because of it.
"It seems everygirl wishes they were blessed with my good looks, but what you and everygirl else fail to realize is that I'm a girl like anygirl else, and just like anygirl else…" Rarity shifted her gaze from Sweetie Belle to her reflection. Her expression was as stoic as ever, but there was a trace of vulnerability in her eyes, something Sweetie Belle very rarely saw. She placed her hoof against the crack and the other Rarity did the same, making it look like she was shaking hooves with herself. "...there used to be times when I felt just as jealous and insecure as you."
Sweetie Belle stared at her incredulously, mouth agape.
"Oh, come now, don't look so shocked. Everygirl has those feelings, darling," Rarity puffed out her chest and rested her hoof against it proudly, "even moi."
Sweetie Belle was in complete disbelief. In hindsight, after she'd had time to reflect on what Rarity had told her, she was a little embarrassed for acting so surprised. At the moment however, she couldn't help it, and her voice rose in pitch to the point where it almost sounded identical to Pinkie Pie. "B-But...but you're not everygirl! Your beauty is so rare that you're name is Rarity! How can somegirl like you look at yourself and not see the Rarity that we all see? The Rarity that every mare wants be! The Rarity that any stallion would be lucky to have!"
Rarity continued staring into the mirror, wrapping her tail around herself and Sweetie Belle.
"First of all, I don't think that's why my name is Rarity, it pertains more to gemstones, and second of all, don't you think I could be saying precisely the same to you? Isn't it strange how, when we look at each other, we each see a beautiful mare, but when we look at ourselves, we only see our flaws? It doesn't matter how beautiful somegirl is, nogirl is perfect, and we all have imperfections. It's hard not to obsess over these imperfections and sometimes when we find ponies that don't have them, we feel jealous. We all want we what we don't have, darling. Short ponies want to be tall, tall ponies want to be short, so on and so forth. It happens to even the most fabulous of us."
Sweetie Belle was quick to respond, "But there's nothing you-"
"-don't have? Of course there is!" Rarity exclaimed, finishing Sweetie Belle's sentence. "I don't have Pinkie Pie's naturally curly hair. It must be so convenient to not have to wear curlers at night and spend hours styling it each morning. I don't have Applejack and Rainbow Dash's toned muscles. I suppose that's my doing, but lets just blame my musculature, or lack thereof, on genetics and not my aversion to physical exercise." Rarity gave a terse laugh. "I don't have those multi-hued streaks of purple in my mane like Twilight. I could go on and on, but what I want you to remember is," She turned from the mirror to look at Sweetie Belle, and as teal met sapphire, Rarity summoned all the sincerity she could, and what wasn't showing in her eyes she projected into her voice. "I don't have your charming voice and dazzling eyes, but most of all, I don't have your natural beauty. I've always known that I'm…." Rarity tried to think of a word that wouldn't sound too narcissistic, but nothing came to mind so she just went with, "...good looking, and even without makeup I still see myself as such, I only use it to accentuate what I already have, but I assure that if you saw me without it, you would realize that as a natural beauty, I have nothing on you. The reason I never put much makeup on you when we go to formal events is because, well, I don't think anything could ever make you look any more stunning than you do just by being yourself. It's hard to describe, but your beauty carries with it a certain air that I'll never have, no matter what I do. I can see it, Photo Finish saw it...it seems it's clear to everygirl but you. I suppose that's why hearing that you weren't aware of your own beauty was so surprising to me, just as it is for you now that you know I've had trouble seeing my own as well."
There were so many thoughts and emotions tumbling around inside Sweetie Belle's head like clothes in a dryer. Her mind reeled as her brain attempted to process everything she had heard. Rarity had understood all along. Not only that, but she had been in Sweetie Belle's position before. It was seemed like everything she'd known about Rarity had been flipped upside down in less than a minute. Then, like a black sock in a load of whites, one thought stood out to her more the rest, and suddenly all she could think was….
"Rarity...are you saying that you're jealous of me?!"
Rarity mulled this over for a moment, choosing her words carefully. "Not exactly. Now it's more of an admiration. I used to be though. Like during your modeling career. You never knew this, but it wasn't just your popularity and fame that I envied, but it was that certain air of grace about you that I would never have. Why do you think Photo Finish chose you over me? But you taught me that nothing good ever comes from being jealous, and that you should never begrudge any of your friend's good fortune, especially if it was as well-deserved as yours. That's why I found ways to appreciate what others have, and what I have that makes me unique, instead of feeling jealous. Why I didn't tell you this from the very start, I'll never know. I was foalish in thinking you wouldn't understand when in turn it was something you could've benefited from. I suppose I just didn't want you to think I was an even worse friend than I had already made myself out to be." Rarity scuffed her hoof along the ground and closed her eyes, too ashamed to even look at Sweetie Belle for a brief moment. "I hope you can forgive me."
Sweetie Belle felt a little scandalized that Rarity would ever believe such a thing and she draped her wing over Rarity's back reassuringly. "Of course! Rarity, I would never think that. I meant it then and I mean it now. You're an amazing friend! If anygirl should be asking for forgiveness it's me. The reason I didn't tell you about the colts and the stallion and how I didn't like the way I looked was because I didn't think somegirl like you would ever know what it was like. Iwas the one who didn't think you would understand. But you do and...I'm sorry for misjudging you."
"Apology excepted, darling." Sweetie Belle's feathers felt rough against Rarity's fur and she reached a hoof up to stoke them. Pegasus wings always fascinated her, and she made a mental note to incorporate feathers into her outfits more often. "I can see why you would think what you did. You wouldn't assume a girl such as myself could ever find flaws in my appearance, but again, it happens to all of us."
A thought entered Rarity's mind, it was something Sweetie Belle had said earlier that she'd completely forgotten about through all that was happening.
"You mentioned something about hearing a voice in your head. What did you mean by that?"
Sweetie Belle had been absentmindedly running her hoof along the crack in the glass, but at this, she froze and snapped her head around to look at Rarity, her eyes wide in surprise and a slight bit of terror. Oh great, now Rarity's going to think I'm crazy! "When I did I say that?!"
Sweetie Belle was inches from Rarity's muzzle and she leaned back a little. "Right after you got done telling me about the colts at flight camp. You said you thought the voice in your head would go away."
She winced but didn't hide behind her mane like she would have done if Rarity's tone hadn't been so casual. It sounded like she had almost expected Sweetie Belle to bring it up before this. Sweetie Belle studied her carefully, perplexed at why Rarity didn't think there was something wrong with her.
"You don't think I'm crazy? But it tells me such awful things! It makes me feel things I don't want to feel. That isn't normal."
To Sweetie Belle's surprise, Rarity smiled, resting her hoof on Sweetie Belle's shoulder. On the inside however, she was cursing herself yet again for letting Sweetie Belle think she was alone in her suffering when she could have saved her so much pain by helping her through it. "You're not crazy, darling, and it is normal. To some extent, anyway. It's another thing all ponies have. Well, at least, I would assume so. It's an integral part of who we are to self-deprecate."
"And you hear it too?" Sweetie Belle knew what her answer was going to be, now that the subject of the voice was addressed, she had a feeling the time for surprises was over.
As Sweetie Belle predicted, Rarity gave a nod. "Mhm. We mostly hear it as foals, when we're more self-conscious and take girl's words to heart a lot more than we do when we're able to think independently for ourselves as adults. That's not to say I didn't hear it well into my adulthood as well, but I don't anymore. Not since you're modeling career when, afterwards, I found ways to overcome it."
It amazed Sweetie Belle how much easier it was to tell the truth than it had been when she'd told Rarity about her inability to see herself as beautiful. "I heard it as a filly too, but it never went away. I still hear it, especially when I look at myself or...at you. I never wanted to feel jealous of you, and I do want to feel beautiful, it's just that.…"
"The voice won't let you feel otherwise?"
Sweetie Belle felt something shift deep inside her as she stared at Rarity like she was seeing her for the very first time. "Yes. Exactly."
With that, Sweetie Belle had finally accepted that Rarity wasn't the invincible mare that took her beauty for granted like the voice told her she was to fuel her jealousy. The seemingly unbreakable wall that had been Sweetie Belle's perspective on things ever-so-slowly began to crumble as this thought began to sink in. A considerable amount of comfort suddenly enveloped her like a warm blanket at the realization that she was, in fact, not alone. Knowing that Rarity felt insecure as well was one thing, and knowing that she had not only felt jealous, but jealous of her at one point was another, but knowing that this voice had probably manipulated Rarity to feel these things just like her was something else entirely. But the thing that resonated with her more than anything else was that Rarity had said she was able to overcome it. This caused the fire of hope that had been fighting to stay aflame ever since Rarity had she would help to suddenly intensify.
"You...you made it go away?! How?"
Rarity causally ran a hoof the her mane, straightening out her curls before they bounced back into formation. "It's quite simple, darling. The reason it manifests itself in our own voice is because we are the only girl responsible for its existence. There may be other factors that help bolster it, like those colts telling you nogirl would ever ask you aren't because you weren't pretty enough, but the root of it lies with us. I was quite proud of my beauty as a filly, to the point where I fear I was a bit vain, and maybe I'm still guilty of it, but the point is, I never thought I would ever be unhappy with the way I looked. But it doesn't take much to create a monster, you know. I don't know a single girl who's one-hundred percent satisfied with who they are, and if they tell you that, they're lying. The important thing is to try to find that other ninety-nine percent. There will always be that one percent, as I said, it doesn't take much and maybe you'll still hear it from time to time, but at least you'll feel beautiful again. If you focus on what you do have and are proud of, rather than what you wish you had, you won't feel jealous anymore either."
Sweetie Belle's ears fell back and her flame of hope dimmed a little; it wasn't the answer she was hoping for. Sweetie Belle knew now that she and Rarity had faced the same hardships, and so did everygirl else at some point, but she had a feeling it wasn't going to be this easy for her. Rarity had said she was able to drive away the voice by focusing on what she did like about herself, but Sweetie Belle had nothing to combat it with. There had been a time when she loved just about everything about herself, but in time, the voice had warped that appreciation into hate, and now there wasn't a single thing Sweetie Belle loved, let alone liked.
"But I've tried to, Rarity. I've tried to find things that I like about myself but I just can't. There isn't anything I like."
Even though Rarity knew this by now, it still didn't get any easier to hear and she felt a twinge of sadness in her heart. Sweetie Belle saw the briefest flash of pain in her eyes before it was replaced with that same determination. "When was the last time you truly looked at yourself in the mirror?"
Sweetie Belle blinked, stating what she thought was obvious. "Um...about five minutes ago."
Rarity snorted, Sweetie Belle wasn't sure if it was out of amusement or not. "I meant when was the last time you were able to actually pick out something you admired about the way look?"
Sweetie Belle couldn't even remember that last time she'd ever given herself more than a fleeting glance. There were times when she'd actually caught a glimpse herself in the still waters of a pond or the windows of a building, but she never let her gaze linger for more than a second. The only time it was longer was when it was absolutely necessary, like if she accidentally cut her cheek on a branch or something, and even then she made sure to only look at we needed to be looked at. The last time she ever felt happy when she looked in the mirror….It had to have been at flight camp, Sweetie Belle thought, shocked and a little ashamed that it had been so long.
"It's…been a while. I've just never been able to look at myself and not hear the voice...so I just stay away from it."
Rarity nodded, knowingly. "And therein lies the problem. How do you know that you don't like anything about yourself if you've never made an effort to actually find something? It wasn't easy for me at first either, darling, but that didn't stop me from at least trying. You see, every night I look in the mirror, not this one, mind you, the one in my bathroom that's spotted with toothpaste thanks to Sweetie Belle singing whilst brushing her teeth," Sweetie Belle smiled at the mental picture, "and I find three things to compliment myself on. It could be anything, an accomplishment I had during the day, a physical feature, or something you just like about yourself in general. Anytime you hear the voice, just keep thinking about it, and eventually you'll find that what it tells you has no meaning anymore. You'll believe the positive things you are telling yourself rather than the negative things it is telling you. I taught this to Sweetie Belle when she started getting bullied by that Diamond Tiara character." Rarity's expression turned indignant as she recalled all the times Sweetie had come home from school crying after being teased for being a blank flank. "I do hope that filly sees the error of her ways soon."
"And...did it work?" Sweetie Belle asked, a bit hesitant.
Rarity snapped out of her moment of anger and replied in her usual chipper tone, "Quite well actually. I never hear that nagging voice anymore and now I'm able to feel proud of who I am."
"What about Sweetie Belle? Did she stop hearing the voice too?"
"I'm not sure if she even heard it in the first place. If she did, she never told me, but I would assume so and that it did go away, because after a few weeks, she was taking everything those ruffians said in stride. Speaking of bullies, I believe that's why those colts teased you. They probably felt insecure themselves and were too immature to realize that making other ponies feel the same wasn't the way to deal with it. But that's what makes you the bigger girl, Sweetie Belle. You were able to handle it on your own and never took it out on anygirl else. But I suppose the victory isn't entirely on your part, they did get what they wanted by making you feel terrible, but it's in your power to change that, to not let them win after all. So what do you think, will you give it a try?"
There was still a part of her that was saying it wasn't going to work, that she was a lost cause and that it wasn't worth it. But that part of her sounded an awful like the voice, and now that there was a flicker of hope and a way to take action, she realized how sick and tired she was of being at it's mercy all the time. She had said earlier that she had hoped she would be able to move on and never hear the voice again, but it wasn't going to be because of stallions leaving her alone. It wasn't up to anygirl but her. The thought of inviting that voice back by looking at herself still made her want to curl into a ball and hide, but she trusted Rarity enough to know she would never do anything to cause Sweetie Belle discomfort unless the end result was entirely worth it. She was ready to finally start seeing herself the way other ponies viewed her, with eyes that weren't tainted by the words of the voice. It was worth a try.
Sweetie Belle gave her a firm nod and said in strong, clear voice that was undeniably a sign of confidence, "I will."
Rarity beamed a smile a brighter than the sunlight still pouring in through the window. Even if Sweetie Belle wasn't sure of it, Rarity knew this would work. That same feeling of joy and pride washed over her and she pulled Sweetie Belle into a tight hug. It was the same feeling she always felt when a girl found the perfect gown, when they were able to feel as beautiful on the outside as Rarity knew they were on the thought that soon her efforts would prove successful was enough to make her forget her feelings of guilt at not having done something sooner. It was better late than never, and she was going to make amends. It would take a while before they would be a celebrating a victory, but right now it was the little ones that counted. "I do hope this helps you, darling. It breaks my heart to see any of my friends think less of themselves, especially you, the kindest girl in all of Equestria." Sweetie Belle blushed and traced a circle on the ground with her hoof, that strange feeling coming back. Rarity suddenly let out a mirthless laugh. "And to think, all of this could've been avoided if we'd just kept our Pinkie Promise to each other."
Sweetie Belle felt her stomach drop, and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up as the gravity of that sentence hit her at full force. It wasn't that the promise hadn't meant enough to her to remember, she had been just as serious as Rarity when they'd made it, but it had been such a long time ago, the memory of it had been filed away to make room for new ones. "We...we broke a Pinkie Promise!?" Sweetie Belle was practically yelling, even if yelling wasn't what anygirl else would call it.
Rarity didn't seem the least bit phased. "Well, I believe we had our reasons for doing so, but yes, we did. Even though I don't think it really counts, because even though we kept our feelings a secret, we did tell each other. Eventually. That has to count for something, right?
That did nothing to calm Sweetie Belle, who was whipping her head from side to side, looking for a place to hide as if Pinkie were going to come bursting through the door at any moment. "B-But what if Pinkie Pie finds out! Nogirl breaks a Pinkie Promise! Remember what happened last time?! I'd never seen her so upset!" She tried to hide behind the mirror and it would've done a decent job obscuring her from view if her tail hadn't been sticking out like a beacon in the night.
Rarity couldn't help but smile at her friends antics, she really had missed Sweetie Belle. "She's not going to find out, darling, it's just us here, and even if she does, I'm sure she'll understand if we just explain the situation." Rarity hadn't intended on changing the subject from such a serious matter, but now that Sweetie Belle's problem had been relatively resolved, or it would be in time anyway, the wait was proving too much for her. "Speaking of secrets, does this mean that I can't keep your relationship with Garden Gold a secret? Do you want it to be secret? You are going to start a relationship with him, yes? Now that you know ponies don't all see you the way you do and can find you attractive?"
The question caught Sweetie Belle off guard and she peeked out from behind the mirror. She hadn't even thought about him once since she'd told Rarity he'd asked her out. It would be a monumental step in Sweetie Belle's life and she would need time to think about it, time that the extremely eager look on Rarity's face told her she wouldn't be given the luxury of.
"Uh...well…I..."
Luckily, as if saved by the bell, a soft light began to emanate from behind Rarity, and Sweetie Belle leaned to the side to get a better look. Rarity's cutie mark was flashing, which meant the map was calling her for something. Sweetie Belle immediately turned to her own flank, only to find that her butterflies weren't glowing. Disappointment flooded her at the realization of what this meant. Rarity would be whisked off to Equestria knows where when that last thing Sweetie Belle wanted was for her to leave her side. She considered not telling her, she didn't seem to be aware of it, but she knew Rarity would be upset with her if she found out Sweetie Belle had deliberately kept her from attending to whatever friendship problem needed solving.
"Rarity?"
"Yes?!" She realized she'd shouted it and cleared her throat, a little embarrassed, but the suspense was absolutely killing her.
Sweetie Belle hated to burst her bubble like this, but she really didn't have an answer for her, not one she was wanting to hear at least. "Your cutie mark is flashing. I think you're being summoned."
Biting back a scream of frustration, Rarity turned her head to glance at her flank and sure enough, her diamonds were pulsating and she felt a tingling sensation spread across her haunches. The answer would apparently have to wait.
Rarity sprang to her hooves at the call to action. "My goodness, you're right! Come, Sweetie Belle, we must get to the castle!" She was halfway through the door before realizing Sweetie Belle wasn't following and looked back at her questioningly. Sweetie Belle pointed to her cutie mark. If it was physically possible for a girl to deflate like one of Pinkie Pie's balloons, Rarity would have achieved it just then. "Oh."
Rarity felt Sweetie Belle's same disappointment and a second passed when she almost considered ignoring it, but she dismissed the thought as quickly as it came. Twilight needed her and she couldn't abandoned her duties, no matter how badly she wanted to stay.
"I'm sorry, darling. I promise as soon as whatever the map needs me for is attended to, we'll pick up right where we left off. It's probably just something minor and I'll be back by dinnertime. Besides, we still need to discuss where you and Garden Gold will have your first date!" Rarity said, trying to sound chipper, but Sweetie Belle could hear the waver in her voice.
Sweetie Belle was having just as difficult of a time concealing her emotions. She smiled, but the happiness it was trying to convey was betrayed by the sadness in her eyes. "Of course. Now go on, Twilight is probably already expecting you. I need to get back home and check on the kits anyway."
Rarity gave a firm nod and spared Sweetie Belle one final glance before galloping out the door.