Ch. 2 To Finally Be Who I Was Always Meant to Be
(CLARE)
We are brought to Leland's office and then through another door, a door I didn't see when we were in the office last week. This door was hidden by a bookshelf. The secret room has a low bed in the middle of the room. There's no medical supplies or anything, although Leland did say it wasn't surgery. There are shelves with various bottles and implements, a drain in the floor, a sink. It's hard to tell if this room is used for medical purposes or to torture people. I don't think either one belongs in a nightclub.
"Everyone else out of the room," says a short squat woman, she's maybe three feet tall, and round. I can't really see her face as she walks past me, but she has long dark brown hair. It's piled on top of her hair in a messy bun. I only see her face for a few seconds, but it's set with deep wrinkles.
"Come, you can wait in my office with us," Leland says motioning for me to follow them.
Leland closes the door to the hidden room and I follow him and Jane to his office. Leland pours a glass of liquor from a glass bottle. Jane sits on the sofa, Leland leans on his desk sipping at the liquor he just poured. I stand in the middle of the room, worried about my friend, wondering what's going on in there, and many other questions going through my mind.
"What is she going to go do to him?" I inquire.
"Make him the way Adam was always meant to be," Jane replies.
"She's not human is she?"
"Very perceptive Clare," Leland smiles though doesn't tell me what the doctor is if she isn't human. The fact that he didn't start laughing at me for saying she's not human is disconcerting, and a little reality shattering. Yet, in a way I think I've always known there were more than humans.
"She won't hurt Adam," I speak aloud, but it's not a question. I saw no malice in her, only good intent.
"The transformation can be quite painful it's changing his body, but she'll ease the pain if she can and when it's done Adam will be whole. The man he has always felt inside will be visible for the whole world to see," Leland says.
"If she's not human, than what is she?"
"She's a gnome," Leland states and I get a picture of a little man with a beard and a pointy hat from a storybook I had as a child. Clearly the storybook got it wrong. "You humans call all little people humans with a condition called dwarfism. Easier for your brains to understand than to think there is more in this world, and others, than you could ever dream of. Truly they are all either full blood gnomes or dwarves or descendants."
"The two of you aren't human either, neither is Lucas, not completely anyway," I state. Leland nods slightly to show that I am correct. As if he heard me Lucas comes into the office, sitting on the arm of the sofa where Jane sits. I look at the three of them, the emotional cloud that surrounds them, how it's hard to read and almost fuzzy. I think about what I do know about them, and as unbelievable as it may be I think I know what they are. "Jane, remember that fan fiction I wrote in grade nine?" I question. I'm sure she will and it's my way of asking if they're vampires without saying the word out loud.
Jane looks thoughtful for a moment, trying to remember and then her lips spread into a wide grin. "Very good Clare."
Vampires are real, not just myth, not just stories, they are real. Gnomes and dwarves are real, I wonder what else is real. I sort of stumble back as the weight of reality hits me and suddenly Leland is beside me helping me into a chair.
"All human myth comes from a real place Clare, some more real than others," Leland tells me as he hands me the glass he's been drinking from. I don't know what it is but I take a sip before looking at Jane and Lucas.
"You two weren't vampires when you went to DeGrassi," I comment. I know they weren't I didn't see any of what surrounds them now back then.
"No, we were as human as you then," Jane replies.
"Then how did you become vampires?"
"I returned home when my mom became ill with cancer. Lucas was working as a security guard then and couldn't be home with her at night. It was hard watching my mom get so ill, and so weak, knowing that she would die. On one of Lucas' nights off while he stayed with Mom I went out, sitting alone in a park when Leland found me. He knew I was sad, in turmoil over my mom, questioning my future, and he offered a way for me not to die. I took it, I accepted and he turned me, and I felt amazing. I wanted Leland to turn my mom, he came home with me a few nights later. He saw my mom, but he said it was too late, that the disease had progressed too far. It was only a couple days later that Mom passed and then Lucas kind of lost it."
"Losing my mom, never really having my dad, I worried about dying on Izzy and losing Jane. I didn't know she was a vampire then. I was angry and having a hard time, and Jane brought me to Leland, he turned me that night. That was two years ago and we've worked for Leland ever since, leaving most of our old life behind," Lucas says.
"I knew Adam was transgender when I first saw him. I smelled him first though, his scent called to me. I wanted Adam, wanted to be with him," Jane smiles remembering her first night with Adam fondly.
"Do you intend to turn Adam into a vampire?" I question.
"It will be Adam's choice whether he wants to turn or not. I want him to be whole though, if I changed him before his body was changed he would stay forever in the wrong body. I couldn't do that to him, he wouldn't have been happy. I want him to be happy," Jane says and I know she speaks the truth. "If Adam does want to become a vampire I hope he still smells as wonderful," Jane says licking her lips and then looks at me. "You smell very good too Clare."
"You and Adam have fey blood, it's why you both smell so delectable," Leland tells me.
"What?!" I exclaim. "Fey, as in fairy? You're telling me that Adam and I are part fairy?"
"Your perception of people, it's more than instinct," Leland declares.
"Yes it's…" I pause wondering how to explain this. I tried telling my parents once when I was little. They thought I was making up stories, told me I had quite the imagination. I tried telling a friend once in second grade and she thought I was crazy. So, I haven't told anyone since then, not even Adam.
"Go ahead Clare, whatever people have told you in your past about your abilities we will believe you. We are vampires, we know there is more in this world than humans could ever dream of."
"Do you know what synesthesia is?" I ask Leland and Jane nod but Lucas shakes his head. "It's like that sort of, rather than seeing words or tasting colors or something I see intent and emotions, connections sometimes. It's like a cloud…no that's not quite right, like a mist surrounding people, but also it sometimes seems to go through them. This mist it shows me the person, or vampire's, or gnome's intent and emotions. I didn't realize that's what it was at first, or that no one else could see it."
"When did you know that's what you were seeing?" Leland asks.
"I was seven, in the living room with my parents and my sister. My mom was talking about an event at church the following day. She said we'd all promised to go, but she had volunteered for us and wanted us all to go. She was saying one thing, but the more she talked, the harder she tried to convince us to go the more her mist changed. I realized suddenly, saw…it's hard to explain but I knew she was convincing us to go because she was afraid of what people at church would think if we didn't come as a family. I started looking at the mist differently, trying to interpret the colors. Some people's is easier to see than others, for some people it's all very blurry, their emotions and intent hidden behind others. Vampires are like that in a way, your mist is almost staticky in a way, blurred I suppose."
"They fey have many such abilities," Leland says.
"I wish I didn't have it, I can't always read it or interpret it right. Sometimes I choose to ignore it. I saw darkness, sorrow and pain in a boy in high school I ignored it all for a sexy smirk and tantalizing green eyes. I dated him, and kept going back to him, we were together three times, nearly four and every time I could see it would end badly. It didn't stop me from going back to him though. I saw pernicious and deleterious foreboding around my co-op boss, but I admired the writer that he is and chose to ignore it. Even after he kissed me while working late one night I still went back, and he tried to attack me in his car."
"You didn't know what your ability was, and no one taught you to use it, to hone it and become skilled at it. Knowing there's darkness around someone doesn't mean they are evil, they could have darkness in their past. You said you saw connections?" Leland asks.
"That's harder to explain, especially when it comes to people, or vampires. I suppose the easiest way to explain it is that with math for example I can see the connection to the answer. I don't really have to work it out it just comes. It's why I've always been good at school. The intellectual parts anyway. How long will this take? With Adam?"
"There's no telling, the transformation will be done when it's done," Leland shrugs.
"Why don't I hear anything?"
"That room is soundproofed. Would you like something to eat or drink?" Leland offers he seems to want to distract me.
"I suppose I am hungry."
Leland calls down to the kitchen and tells them to make me whatever I wish. I place an order and it's brought up when it's done. Leland lets me sit at his desk to eat, and the room is very silent for several minutes. I want to ask Leland how he became a vampire, how old he is, how many vampires he's sired, but I'm afraid to. When I'm done eating Jane asks me how I met Adam. I tell her and talk about the two of us, and Eli, in that first year until the gnome emerges from the room. It's after three in the morning, we've been here for hours.
"He's very weak now, he'll need to rest for several days. If he's in a lot of pain give him one of these, it will take time for his new body to acclimate," she says handing me a bottle. It's not a normal prescription bottle, rather a glass bottle with some small blue pills inside.
"Thank you Estine, Lucas will walk you out," Leland says bowing to the small gnome It's kind of a funny sight as he's more than twice her size.
"I'll give Adam some of my blood, it will help him heal," Jane comments going into the room. We follow her inside and I can't breathe when I see Adam. His body is entirely male, more than surgery could have done, he looks taller, he has muscle definition in all the right places. Even his jaw is more square and masculine, and though I can't see under the blanket I'm sure he's anatomically correct.
"He'll probably sleep most of the day, possibly the next couple," Leland says while Jane bites into her wrist and tells Adam to drink. "He shouldn't be moved just yet, Adam will sleep in here tonight, tomorrow I'll have someone take you home," Leland tells me as Adam starts to sip from Jane's wrist.
"I'll stay with Adam tonight, don't worry Clare," Jane tells me.
"Come Clare, I'll show you where you can sleep tonight," Leland says motioning for me to leave the room.
"I'll be close Adam," I say touching his arm. He hardly seems to be aware of me, and I reluctantly leave him. "I'm not even sure I can sleep," I comment as Leland brings me to a room down the hall.
"There's a TV and books in the room, and if you need anything pick up the phone in your room and press four," Leland says. He doesn't say who it will connect me to.
I look around the room, it has a four poster bed, with a sky blue comforter and matching pillows. They look expensive, satin or silk perhaps, as is the canopy surrounding the bed. A TV is on the dresser across from the bed and bookshelves line one wall. The room has it's own washroom, and there's a chair in the corner by the bookshelves. A large walk-n closet on the opposite end. It's far nicer than my room at the apartment. I wish I could appreciate it more, but right now my mind is still trying to wrap around Adam's transformation, how his body so fully transformed in just a few hours and without surgery.
(DREW)
"Adam it's me, again, call me back or I'm coming over," I say to his voicemail.
It's Tuesday evening and that was the third message in three days I'd left for my brother with no reply. It wasn't like him, if he was angry at me he'd say so, but as far as I knew he had no reason to be angry at me. I decide to text Clare, if something was going on she would know.
Drew: Adam isn't returning my calls. Is he mad at me or something?
I watch my phone, it's several minutes before she replies.
Clare: No, he's just tired and not feeling well.
Drew: Does he have the flu or something?
Clare: No he's just resting. When he's feeling better I'll have him call you.
Something is odd, she's not telling me everything I can tell. I know her too well, I know when she's not telling me everything. I decide to just go over there, to see for myself. If Adam was just sick Clare would have told me, or Adam would have called me back to say he had the flu and he'd call me back when he felt better. I fear that Adam got beat up and doesn't want to tell us, doesn't want Mom to go nuclear and he'll wait until he's recovered from the beating to see anyone.
Owen is at work and won't be home until late. I grab my keys and go down to my car, it's not a long drive to their apartment, but it feels like it because I'm worried. I park in the lot for their building and punch in the code to get in. I take the elevator to get to their apartment and pound on the door when I get there. Adam installed a security system when they first moved in, Mom was insistent. There's a camera above the door so they can see who's there and I'm sure Clare looks before opening the door.
"Where's Adam, what's really going on Clare? I've been trying to reach him for days and you're not telling me everything," I demand pushing my way past her into the apartment.
"He's here Drew, he's resting in bed," Clare says. I start storming back to Adam's room. "Drew wait," Clare calls but I ignore her opening the door and stopping in my tracks.
The room is fairly dark but with the afternoon sun coming through the curtains I can see Adam. I know it's Adam, but he looks so different, he's male, completely male. All I can see is his chest and above but he looks so different and yet it looks like Adam. His chest is sculpted and with muscle definition, he's broader in the shoulders, muscle definition in his arms, a broader neck, even a broader jaw. Everything about him is male as though he were born Adam and not Gracie. I close the door and go back to the living room sinking onto the sofa and not believing what I just saw.
"What…how…he looks…" I trip over my words. I still can't believe what I saw.
"He's completely male now," Clare says confirming my thoughts.
"But how? Those surgeries take time and he's still taking hormones. He wasn't supposed to go through it for another year."
"It wasn't surgery, he was…transformed."
"What the hell do you mean he was transformed? Transformed how? What I saw in there just isn't possible, this is the real world magical transformations don't happen," I exclaim though I have no idea how to explain what I saw.
"It wasn't magic exactly…I don't think. I wasn't actually in the room, but it did take hours and now he's sore and tired. He needs to rest, his body went through a lot. It's what he wanted Drew," Clare says.
"I don't understand, how could he change so completely?"
"I don't have all the answers Drew, and I wish I could explain more but I can't. I don't know that you'd believe me anyway. I can't tell you how it was done, but I do know it's what Adam wanted and after some rest he'll be okay. His body went through a lot, such physical changes take their toll and he has to rest."
"You were with him?"
"Yes, I went with him, I knew he wouldn't be harmed. I just wasn't in the room with him and the…doctor," Clare says but she hesitates before saying doctor.
"We're supposed to go to dinner at my parents tomorrow night, the last one before they leave on vacation."
"I'll tell them Adam has the flu and won't make it, with a flight in a couple days your mom won't come to see Adam."
"That's not the problem, they'll be back in three weeks and they'll freak. How will we explain the change to them?" I question.
"We'll tell them that he had the surgery, found a doctor willing to do it now," Clare replies.
"My parents will want to meet the doctor, see everything that happened," I comment.
"That's true," she sighs.
"Well, we could…" Clare begins and then drifts off. She bites her lip rolling it between her teeth as she tries to think of a solution. I remember that face on her, I fell in love with that face, that one and so many others she makes.
While I'm reminiscing and she's thinking a knock on the door startles us both. Clare doesn't check her phone to see who's on the camera, which makes me think she's expecting someone or at least knows who it is. She opens the door and a girl comes in, from the description Adam gave me I believe this to be Jane. A guy follows her in, they look a little alike but I don't know who he is. Both Jane and the guy give me a look when they come in, clearly they weren't expecting me here. Then he looks at Clare, his eyes roving over her body and I clench my fists.
"Clare, the boss has requested your help, Jane will stay with Adam. I'll take you to the boss," the guy says.
"What boss, who the hell are you people?" I demand.
"Drew this is Jane, and her brother Lucas. This is Adam's brother Drew," Clare introduces us.
"Good to meet you Drew, I've heard a lot about you from Adam. I'm going back to see him," Jane smiles and licks her lips before disappearing down the hall.
"I'll wait in the car," Lucas replies eyeing Clare once more before he leaves the apartment.
"Okay, what the hell is going on? Jane looked like she wanted to eat Adam, in a good way at least. But Lucas looked like he wanted to eat you, and not in a good way. What did he mean when he said the boss wants to see you? It sounds like they're in organized crime or something?"
"It's probably very similar but I can't tell you too much, and I have to go Lucas is waiting."
"Fine, I'm going with you," I reply.
"No, you're not Drew," Clare shoots back as she walks back to her room to change. I follow her, it's not as though I haven't seen her naked before.
"Lucas looks like he wants to eat you, literally. I am not letting you go alone with him. Whatever did happen to Adam I have a feeling they know about it, and so does their boss. I am going with you. I need to know what's going on," I assert while she changes out of sweats and into jeans.
"Okay, fine, just don't start a fight with Lucas or something," she says.
"What makes you think I'd start a fight?" I question as she slips on her shoes.
She replies by twisting her mouth at me. She grabs her purse and I follow her out, she locks the door behind her. We go down to a very nice car where Lucas sits behind the wheel. When he sees us coming he gets out and opens the door for Clare, but he glares at me and tries to close the car door on me.
"Drew's coming with me," Clare says to him and he opens the door for me though he's not happy about it.
"He doesn't like me much," I comment to Clare as Lucas goes around to the driver's side.
"Don't let him intimidate you," Clare replies.
Lucas gets in and begins driving, Clare and I are silent on the drive. I'm a little surprised to see us pull up to the club where Owen and I picked up Clare the night Adam met Jane. The club is just opening and there's already a line around the block but we're taken to the back of the club. Lucas opens the car door again and then swipes a security card to open the back door of the club. We're led upstairs and down a long hallway to an office, a very large office with a large intimidating man sitting behind his desk. He smiles when he sees us and gets up to greet us.
"Hello Drew, I'm Leland Winter, I wasn't expecting you this evening," he says holding his hand out to me.
"I didn't want Clare coming alone," I reply as I shake his hand.
"Of course," Leland says smiling. His smile seems to be genuine, that he doesn't mind that I'm here. Yet, it almost seems sinister in a way, there's something beneath the smile, something in his eyes that tells me he's not so happy I'm here. I pull my hand back and he immediately turns his attention to Clare. "Someone is stealing from me and I want you to find out who," Leland tells her.
I'm wondering how he expects Clare to figure this out. By the look on Clare's face so is she, her eyebrows are pinched together and her hand is on her hip.
"How do you think I'm going to do that? I'm not psychic, I'm not even telepathic," she replies and I look at her thinking that it was an odd thing for her to say.
"I'm confident you can do it," Leland replies. "Sit on the sofa won't you," Leland says motioning for her to sit on the sofa and she does. "Drew you can be extra muscle tonight, stand near Clare, look menacing, like you might kill anyone that tries to harm her. You can do that can't you?"
"Yes, I can. I won't let anyone hurt her," I reply and stand behind Clare with my arms crossed.
"Lucas, have Brody show the first one in," Leland says. Lucas says something into a comm and a moment later opens the door. A large man with tattoos comes in, he looks like he might be a bouncer or something. "Colin, sit on the sofa, Clare is going to ask you some questions," Leland instructs him.
"What's going on Boss?" Colin questions.
"I told you to sit," Leland says in a firmer voice.
Colin looks confused and a little nervous, but he sits on the sofa near Clare. He's bigger than I am, but I look in his eyes, letting him know if he tries to hurt her I will end him.
"Did you know someone has been stealing from Leland?" Clare asks him and Colin immediately jumps up. For as big and scary as he looks on the outside, right now he looks like a terrified child.
"It wasn't me, I'm not that stupid I would never steal from you," Colin says with a terrified begging tone.
"He's telling the truth, he didn't steal," Clare says to Leland. I feel like that's clear to everyone given how petrified this guy is.
"You may go, next one Lucas," Leland says.
One by one employees come in and Clare asks them the same question and they all react the same way. Clare says they are telling the truth, they leave and another employee comes in and it repeats.
"She's lying," Clare says when a waitress named Elle hops up and screams that she wouldn't steal. She looks just as scared as the others so I don't know how Clare knows this.
"I'M NOT LYING I WOULDN'T STEAL," Elle screams. She starts moving for Clare and I step between them.
"Touch Clare and I will have your head," Leland growls into Elle's ear as he restrains her arms.
"I didn't steal from you she's lying," Elle says as she begins to sob.
"She's been taking money to buy things, to buy drugs," Clare says looking closely at Elle. I would like to know how Clare knows such a thing if she's not psychic.
"Thank you Clare, I knew you could do it. Lucas please take Clare and Drew home, and bring Jane back I'll need her tonight. I'll take care of this thief before you return," Leland says. At his words Elle begins trembling and sobbing harder.
"Don't kill her," Clare requests.
Leland says nothing, Clare grabs her purse and Lucas takes us back to her apartment. Lucas calls for Jane when we arrive and she comes out of Adam's room. She says Adam is sleeping and then the two of them leave.
"How did you know she was stealing? How did you know she was using the money for drugs? Who is Leland? How does he know you and Adam?" I question rapidly as soon as we're alone in the apartment.
"I'll tell you, but you may not believe me," she says going to the kitchen. She gets some water and leans on the counter. I look at her expectantly, waiting for an answer.
"Do you know what synesthesia is?" She asks and I shake my head. "It comes from the Greek words synth meaning together and esthesia meaning perception. It's a neurological condition in which people have senses overlap. They hear colors or taste sounds for example."
"And, you have this…synesthesia?" I inquire.
"No, but it's the closest thing I can attribute it to. Let's sit on the sofa this is a long story."
We move to the sofa and she proceeds to tell me about her ability to see people's emotions and intent. Sometimes she sees connections to things, the way she was able to see the money being used for drugs. She tells me it's why she's so good at math, she just sees the connections between the pieces of the problem to the solution. I'm not sure I fully understand it and some of it is hard for her to explain, but I believe it, all of it. It all makes perfect sense when I think about things. She even admits to ignoring it when it comes to Eli and when it came to Asher.
After explaining her ability she goes on to tell me how Jane came and picked them up the evening after they went to the club. How they met Leland and he told Adam he could make him what Adam has always felt himself to be. She then tells me what happened Saturday while Adam was getting transformed. About this doctor that wasn't human, that Leland is a vampire and he turned Jane and Lucas. She tells me their stories, and then tells me Leland told her that she and Adam have fairy blood. Leland says it's what gives her this ability she has.
"Are you okay?" Clare asks when she's done and I'm just staring at her.
"I don't even know how to answer that. You have a superpower because you're part fairy, and apparently so is my brother. Vampires aren't just creatures in storybooks and movies they are real and apparently run a night club in Scarborough. Not to mention there are such things as gnomes but they don't have pointy hats and guard gardens they have the ability to transform a body from female to male, more than any surgery could do."
"I know it's a lot to take in, it feels like all that you know has been spun around and out of control."
"I need a drink," I comment getting up. I get up and get a bottle of scotch from above the fridge and pour myself a cup.
"You're welcome to stay the night here, sleep on the sofa," Clare tells me.
"Thanks, I think I will," I nod.