i told you i would feed you, didn't i?
You have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on.
The day started off so unassuming. You'd completed your morning routine and made your way to the outer wall, where cannons were being shipped and needed to be cleaned and cleared so that they could be stationed up above. It was tedious work, but you'd done your part for the day rather quickly and then managed to make it on time to the little date that you'd agreed to a few days prior. A very hectic couple of hours, but nothing out of the ordinary.
And now, you're standing in your newly rented bedroom with Captain Levi of all people, as you and him kiss each other as though you're long lost lovers that haven't seen one another in a century.
Which, to be fair, is kind of how it feels.
What a reunion this is too. Levi's hands are all over you, like he can't quite decide whether he wants them in your hair, around your waist, or down on your thigh. You're perfectly fine with all of the above. His touch is electrocuting - you feel like you're on fire, and he hasn't even done anything yet. You're not sure if he's going to, uncertain as to how far he plans to take you tonight.
Gripping your waist tightly, he finally disconnects from the heated kiss and presses his lips against your jaw before trailing slow kisses down your neck. Your hand reaches up to tangle your fingers in his locks, and when he kisses the pressure point above your pulse, you can't help the high-pitched squeak that emits from your throat as you tilt your head back. Levi catches it, and immediately latches onto the skin to suckle and nip at it, only serving to tighten your grip on his hair as you whine softly.
Up until a few minutes ago, you weren't even sure if the man liked you or not, as a person. This is entirely unexpected, and while you're not exactly complaining, you have no idea how to feel. If Levi had always felt this way, then maybe you shouldn't have pulled away when you kissed him so many months ago. Maybe you'd have less regrets now. There's a chance that he doesn't really like you, or at least not in that way. It's a possibility that he just needs a casual fling tonight, but deep down you know that Levi's not that type of a person. Even if he was, he definitely had other options to choose from besides you, the bane of his existence.
Levi isn't really allowing you time to process your messy feelings. Now that he's satisfied with his exploration of your neck and the small mark he's left there, he captures your mouth again, moaning sweetly when you cup his cheeks and kiss him back just as hardly as you did before.
This one doesn't last as long as the last. After a few seconds, he pulls away, arms still wrapped tight around you.
"Do you want to talk about this?" he asks, voice husky.
Yes, you do. You want to know what's going through his mind. You want to know if he feels something for you. You want to know if he's thought about you in the same way you've thought about him.
Just maybe not now, when heat is pooling down your body and his gaze is making your cheeks heat up faster than they ever have before.
"We can talk later," you say, throat dry, and that's all Levi needs before he's kissing you again, tongue invading your mouth as one of his hands reaches up to grasp your neck in a gentle but firm hold. Rubbing his thumb in circles over the bruise he made earlier, he steals the air right out of your lungs.
Conflicted as you are, you're not about to let him continue like this. Technically, you made the first move six months ago, so it's only fair that you have some control in this situation. So you push him back until he's against the wall and at your mercy. Levi grunts, but he doesn't break the kiss.
There's something about him, something that makes you want to make him feel good.
With that thought in mind, you run your hands down his chest, intent on having him react to your touch the way you react to his. Pulling away from his lips, you watch his throat bob as he looks at you, one hand still on your neck.
"I've wanted this," you mumble, leaning in, ghosting over his cheek to blow on his ear before kissing it. Levi groans, head bowing down as you continue your ministrations. "I've thought about this, about you. I've thought about what it would feel like. What you would feel like."
As you confess these transgressions, you shift your attention to the skin behind his ear, dragging your tongue along the skin, making him hit his head back against the wall as he miserably tries to contain the small sounds of pleasure desperately trying to escape.
"And to think, all it took was a date with someone else and a kiss. If I'd known you wanted this too, I would've -"
"I thought," Levi snarls, between labored breaths, "that you didn't want to talk."
You intertwine your fingers with his, pressing your joint hands on the wall next to him before leaning in to take his lower lip between your teeth and biting down harshly. He growls as you suck over the spot ruefully, not really feeling too apologetic. "What would you rather I do instead?" you murmur, blinking innocently. Levi stares at you, before leaning in to your side.
"Get on your knees," he whispers hotly in your ear.
The small mewl that you let out at his order isn't nearly as embarrassing as the speed at which you obey it. Within seconds, you're lowering yourself to the ground and looking up at him as you start unbuckling his pants. He watches you intensely, pretty grey eyes now dark.
Maintaining eye contact with him, you pull down his pants and briefs until they're pooled around his ankles, stifling the gasp you don't want him to hear. Levi's already half hard - he lets out a pained groan once you take him in your hand, whining and bucking forward. A small smirk forms on your features as you stroke him to full size. He's needy, needy for you. Ignoring the uncomfortable dampness forming between your thighs, you breathe in steadily and lean, licking the underside.
"Fuck," Levi says, voice choked, hand grabbing at your hair to steady himself. "(F/N) -"
You repeat the motion without a second's hesitation. He lets out a strangled cry, one that only grows louder when you slip the head of his dick between your lips and give it a hard suck. The sound he makes goes straight to your head, giving you all the encouragement you need to take him further in your mouth. You let your jaw go slack, enveloping inch after inch until you've taken as much as you can, and then you start moving.
With his hand still in your hair, Levi gently guides your head back and forth on his cock, the sounds that serve as proof of his pleasure now openly reaching your ears. Thankfully, he's not too loud; even while getting sucked off he knows that someone might hear him. While you don't particularly want your blockmates to know what activities you're getting up to tonight, you wonder just how much self-discipline he's capable of showing.
You begin to go faster, moaning around his length when his nails dig into your scalp almost painfully. Reaching up to cup one of his balls in your hand, you squeeze experimentally and Levi seems to lose all semblance of control. He starts thrusting up into your mouth at a rapid pace, calling out your name in a filthy, barely restrained howl. Hearing you gag around him does nothing to stop his motions, rather, it spurs him on even more.
"God, you're so -" He cuts himself off, closing his eyes as he rams into your mouth, "you're so fucking - so much - ah -" With a whine, he speeds up, roughly hitting the back of your throat and making you choke. "M'gonna - fuck -"
Tapping his leg to make him look at you, you roll your eyes back, wanting him to take in the sight of you on your knees letting him use your mouth to chase his own high.
Levi only has time to let out a guttural cry before he's coming, thrusts finally slowing down until he pulls out of your mouth, panting harshly and running a hand through his hair, forehead glistening with sweat. You make sure he's watching as you swallow, wiping away traces of his release with your finger only to stick it in your mouth and lick it clean.
The heat between your legs is nearly unbearable now.
He doesn't wait for you to get up on your own. Instead, he leans down and meets your lips half way. He's much gentler now, hand snaking to the back of your head as he kisses you. Within a few seconds you're up on your feet, leaning on him to support your aching knees. Levi cups your cheek, gazing at you with a concerned expression.
"Are you okay?" he whispers, brows furrowed. "Was that - did you not - was I too -"
"It's fine. I'm fine." You give him a peck to demonstrate how fine you are. "Captain, please, I need -"
The second you confirm that you're alright, his head dips in to kiss your neck roughly, the feeling of his course lips against your heated skin making you gasp. Closing your eyes, you let him push you back until your legs bump against the edge of your bed. Levi pulls back, and you see a desperate need displayed in his gaze. A desperate need to repay the favor.
"Tell me to stop and I will."
You sincerely doubt you'll be telling him to stop.
"Take off your clothes and lie back."
The simple demand leaves you flushed, but you hurry to remove the straps of your dress off your shoulders, leaving you in your undergarments only. Levi takes in the sight shamelessly, only releasing a breathy sigh when you reach up to let down your hair.
You can't think. You can't consider the consequences of doing this with Captain Levi, your rival, your superior, your...friend? Whatever he is, you know that this is a situation you would have briefly fantasized about when you first met him, because the idea of a cold man who wasn't entranced by you at all taking you to bed was arousing. Somehow, the idea that he is entranced by you now makes you even more aroused, makes you clench with a primal desire to let him have his way with you.
How can you think, really, when he's hooking his thumbs against your bra to take it off, and then looking away once your chest is exposed with a dark blush forming on his face?
God, this fucking man. Everything he does is endearing to you.
Within a few seconds, your panties are also discarded, and after hesitating for only a moment, you take Levi's hands and place them on your waist. He sucks in a sharp breath, pulling you close to steal another greedy kiss before nudging you back. You lay down on your bed, the cool sheets on your bare skin making you shiver. His eyes roam over your figure, observing quietly as you rub your thighs together to create some pleasurable friction. Even if he thinks you look pathetic, you don't care.
But he clearly thinks no such thing. As evidenced by how his eyes narrow dangerously when you move to rub yourself.
Levi grabs your hand, and positions himself on top of you, taking both your wrists and holding them down above your head. Then he begins his ministrations, placing lewd kisses from your temple down to your jaw, taking his sweet time. You squirm impatiently, but he holds you still, giving you a simple glare as a warning to stop. He clearly wants to enjoy this.
"H-hey…" You struggle against his grasp weakly, to no avail. "Have you done this before?"
"Two or three times," he grunts, placing bruising kisses down your neck, "what about you?"
"A little more than two or three times," you hum breathlessly. He pulls back, eyes dark and demanding.
"How many times?"
"Like...five or six."
"Is it five or six?"
You smirk despite yourself. "Is it two or three?"
"Fine," he mutters, clearly more interested in returning to his exploration of your skin.
One of his hands cups your breast, the other still pinning your arms down. Gazing up to see your reaction, he tweaks and pinches your nipple before latching onto it with his mouth and sucking roughly.
"Mmh!"
You bite down hard on your lip, writhing wildly on the bed. Levi swirls his tongue around your breast, alternating between biting down and sucking on your nipple before giving the other one the same treatment. It's too much, you want him, no, you need him, the same way you need to breathe.
He's not the merciful type, though. At least not when it comes to these types of situations. He obviously has no plans to give you what you want until he's made every single part of you respond eagerly to his touch.
And Levi proceeds to do just that. Raking his eyes across your body as though he's observing a work of art, he carefully maneuvers his fingers down your stomach, hot kisses following. If you try to shift your hips up, he pushes you back down. When you try to rub your legs together again, he holds them apart, hand hovering right over the place you need his touch the most.
"Captain," you plead, desperately trying to lean into his hand, "please."
Slowly, he shifts back up until his face is right above yours once more. You think he's going to kiss you, but he stays cleverly out of reach, a satisfied gleam in his eyes when you lean up and pout at the distance. Brushing his lips against yours, he murmurs a quiet request.
"Ask me properly."
"What do you me-ahh -" Your eyes close and you curse at him, your core throbbing from him swiping his finger across it. "Captain, what - ungh!"
"Properly, (F/N)," Levi drawls. You have absolutely no idea what he wants, and your hazy mind struggles to try and figure it out. This is just like training, right? He's always wanted you to do your best and do things right, and he's always given you the information and skills needed to accomplish what he wanted you to do, even if he didn't explain them clearly. He likes it when you figure things out from just his hints. You think carefully about what he's said, the emphasis on your name, and the correct answer slips out of you before you even fully process it.
"Please, Levi!"
Two fingers plunge into your wetness, making you cry out for him. Your back arches and you rock against his hand as he starts thrusting in and out of you at a quick but maddening pace. Levi groans as your lips part, and before you can make any more sounds he pushes his tongue in your mouth. Simultaneously claiming your lips and fucking you with his fingers, he drives you insane, pushing you closer and closer to the edge until you explode on his fingers with a pained wail.
Reality comes crashing back down as you breathe in and out, chest heaving from your orgasm.
You'd been right, nearly two years ago. His fingers really are nimble.
Levi peers at you for a few fleeting moments longer, sighing softly. He presses one more brief kiss to your lips before sitting up on his knees, dark hair falling in his eyes. "Do you have any towels?"
It takes you one or two seconds to gather the strength to gesture towards your trunk at the side of the bed. You'd put fresh towels in there earlier. He rolls off, grabbing the towels from the trunk, taking one for himself and offering one to you. You take it and clean yourself up fairly quickly, sitting up against the headboard.
Now that you both got what you wanted, it's time to think. You're not sure whether or not you just made a mistake, but before you process your own feelings, you want to know about his. Captain Levi, who wasn't even supposed to like you, had just brought you to completion. He was supposed to have scoffed at your affections, to consider you a silly, stupid girl who wished for things she could never have. That's how you'd looked at yourself, after all.
He doesn't seem to have any intentions to answer your questions, since he's pulling his clothes on properly and heading for the door. You frown - will he not spare you a single explanation? Even if the explanation is a rejection, you still want to hear it, hurt thought it might.
"You can stay."
Levi stops, turning to look at you appraisingly. He doesn't look angry or upset, just guilty, as though he just beat you instead of pleasuring you.
With a deep breath, he says, "I should go."
"Do you regret it?" You ask the question vulnerably, ready to comfort yourself if need be. His response comes swiftly.
"I don't regret things."
"Then stay."
You'd expected a much longer argument, so it's pleasantly surprising when he complies, sitting on the other end of the bed with only a huff that has no bite to it. You wait for him to lie down, only taking time to remove the suit he'd been wearing and his shoes, before you pull the sheets up over yourself.
The two of you gaze up at the ceiling, not exchanging a single word. It's amazing - tragic, really - that you can be so close to him one minute and keenly feel such a large distance in the next. Still, there's a certain comfort in the silence. Neither of you are going anywhere, at least not anytime soon. After six months apart, he's really here, next to you. So close, yet so far.
"Thank you." You don't need to clarify what you're thanking him for, you know he understands.
Without missing a beat, he retorts, "I'm only staying because I'm sleepy, shitty minx."
A light smile forms on your face. The response allows you to turn your back to him and close your eyes, content to wait and talk...later, whenever that might be.
You know damn well that Levi doesn't get sleepy before midnight. Whether that means he's lying for your benefit or that your being there actually helps him relax, you're not sure, but either way, it tells you something that makes your heart flutter just enough to soothe you to sleep.
The sound of shifting wakes you up a few hours later. Your eyes flutter open to see Levi standing up and putting on his suit, not making a single move to look at you or let you know he's leaving. Well that's rude, you didn't think he was crass enough to leave like this without so much as a nudge to let you know.
"Hey," you mumble, sitting up. Levi looks at you and turns away when the sheets slip from your shoulders with an uncomfortable grunt. You roll your eyes a bit - figures that he wants to be shy now. You decide to spare him, leaning over the edge of the bed to grab your undergarments. As you put them on, his eyes flit back over to watch you.
"It's only four in the morning. How are you up already?"
"Biological clock." You hurriedly stand up and grab pants and a shirt from your trunk, slipping them on. "I have morning drills to do. Some annoying guy got me in the habit."
You offer him a cheeky grin, only serving to make him scoff.
"Anyways, do you want breakfast?"
"No," Levi says shortly, "I'm going to get going."
Is this the time to ask the unspoken questions from last night? He owes you that much, or maybe you owe him that much. Someone definitely owes someone else something. A real, open, honest conversation is what you and he need, because maybe if you'd been open with him from the start, you could have avoided the messy situation you've found yourselves in. Not that you wouldn't have left, but...well, maybe things would be different if you'd known that he felt something for you. And he does, much to your relief, even if it's purely sexual. It's not just sexual on your part, but any mutual feelings are better than nothing.
Before you can communicate these feelings to him, Levi is already at the door, opening it in one fluid motion, ready to step out. Your eyes widen and you step up to stop him, but he turns around before he goes, offering you a curt nod.
"I'll...see you later, (F/N)."
The hand that was about to reach out to him is retracted back to your side. Maybe he just needs time to process. Truthfully, you probably need some time too. A conversation can properly take place when you're not recalling the intensity of him pressed up against you and asking you to say his name, the kinky fuck. Once you've really accepted that last night wasn't an amazing dream, you can clear your head and figure out where you want to go from here.
So you wave, realizing the irony, and bid him goodbye.
No one would look you in the face and call you a coward. No one would dare. Maybe Millie would, but only because you called her a priss first. So the question has to be asked, why are you suddenly acting like a coward?
Nearly three weeks have passed, and you've made no attempt to track Levi down. Haven't so much as gone near his office, even though you've had ample opportunities to.
To be fair, he hasn't sought you out either, so he's just as cowardly.
Or - and this stings to think about - he just doesn't care. Levi isn't the type to just sleep around, you know that, and you're hardly an insecure person when it comes to this sort of thing, but the doubt creeps into your mind nonetheless. You've begun to think it's simpler not to talk to him, just in case you don't like the answer. Really though, there's no scenario that has a happy ending for you.
My feelings just caught the best of me.
But the feelings are still there on your end.
I like you, and I want to be in a relationship with you.
But you're going to have to go back to Utopia eventually.
I was in the mood and you just happened to be there.
But you like him oh so much, and you didn't want it to be that simple.
Yes, every single situation just brings a different set of problems into your life. So you've subconsciously (and now consciously) decided it's just easier not to ask. That way you spare yourself any complications. And possible humiliation. Humiliation is always on the table when Levi is involved.
But even this course of action comes with a sacrifice. You don't get to be with Levi in any way, shape or form. Which really sucks, if you're being honest with yourself.
These thoughts are at the forefront of your mind as you jog next to the outer wall. You still have about an hour before you have to report to the base, and you've taken to running along the wall every day around this time. In the crisp morning air, there's a soothing sense of safety next to the structure, despite this being the closest location to humanity's biggest threats.
Trost is a pretty city. You'd never admit it in fear of someone from Stohess sensing it and then coming to assassinate you, but even your hometown with all its riches doesn't compare to the coziness of this town built up of its hardworking and welcoming citizens, the kindness making for a friendly, hustling area. In the past few weeks, you've fit right in.
Blurs of houses pass by you as you run, muscles straining to combat the tense thoughts consuming you.
Up ahead, you see a figure and skid to a stop, saluting quickly. Of course, you're not stopping every time you see a soldier, but this particular person deserves a proper acknowledgement.
This person is also your commander, so the salute is necessary.
"Sir!" You gaze ahead firmly.
Commander Pyxis nods at you. "Sergeant (L/N). How are you doing today?"
You've only met him a handful of times, so you're surprised that he remembers your name. The man does seem the type to value his subordinates, you'll give him that. He's one of the strangest people you've ever met, and at the same time someone you would trust implicitly.
"Alright, sir. I report to the base soon, I was just taking a jog."
His nose wrinkles. "Can't say I understand why. I like to actually relax when given some off time. Shouldn't you have slept in a little?"
He's not wrong. Once upon a time you would have slept in for sure.
"I agree. But it's difficult to sleep when I'm having troublesome thoughts."
"Oh? Care to share?"
"Pardon me for saying, sir." You wince apologetically. "But I'd rather not."
A bizarre image of you discussing your love life with the commander of the Garrison has just entered your head and you want to beat it out as fast as possible.
Pyxis holds up a hand. "Of course. Forgive my prying questions, Sergeant, I'm sure I'm far too old to understand your issues." You're about to tell him that's not the reason at all, but he looks amused rather than offended, so you relax, letting out a relieved breath. "Care to accompany me to the top? I'm monitoring the progress, slow though it may be. There should be extra gear for you to equip up there."
You don't see why not.
Getting onto one of the elevators, you're carted up with Pyxis, who is offered a hand to step up onto the wall. You're given no such assistance, so you stumble a bit as you get off, equipping the spare ODM gear as quickly as you can because clearly no one is going to give a shit if you tip over the edge. This isn't your first time atop the wall protecting Trost, but it's truly an incredible sight to behold each and every single time.
On one side, the beautiful city you've come to admire, awakening for the day. Ready to begin the daily routine with its busy market and crowded cafes. People with bright smiles and tired eyes making their rounds. On the other side, the vast, open world, with giant, terrifying creatures ready to come in without an invitation and devour the town's spirit whole.
Somewhere out there, is the base that you'd been forced to flee from more than a year ago.
"We never truly feel how restricted we are until we're up here, do we?" Pyxis steps next to you as you stare out into the land beyond Wall Rose. "It makes me rather bitter."
It's not that you feel restricted. For you, being up here and choosing to be up here is a freedom in itself, one that not everyone is granted. You open your mouth to tell him this, but someone cuts you off.
"Commander Pyxis. I wasn't expecting you to be up here this early."
"Ah, Erwin. Perfect, just the man I wanted to see."
Oh, great.
Just as you'd finished putting on the final strap, Pyxis' attention has been called elsewhere. So much for the bonding conversation you and your commander would have had. You suppose you'll have to find another time to make a good, lasting impression.
Along with Commander Erwin comes a dark-haired midget, who looks none too pleased to see you.
Your breath hitches, but before you can say anything, Pyxis is addressing him. "Captain, would you keep Sergeant (L/N) here company while I have a talk with the commander? I brought her up here expecting a conversation and I'd hate to disappoint." Stroking his mustache thoughtfully, he adds, "She's been thinking about something troubling. Perhaps she'll be more receptive to sharing it with you than she was to me."
What's the lesson here? To never trust Pyxis with a secret ever.
Levi and Erwin exchange the briefest of glances, somehow having a whole conversation before Erwin falls into step with Pyxis, leaving you behind with the captain. You're annoyingly reminded of times during your childhood, when your mother would meet one of her friends in the marketplace and then leave you with said friend's child as they giggled over how well you two would get along. Most of the time, you'd found the other kid annoying.
But never had you been in a situation where you harbored feelings for the other kid and were surrounded by soldiers who no doubt would talk if they saw you tug him into a kiss. Not that you want to. Being avoided for weeks stings, even if you avoided him right back.
Levi looks positively sour. Actually, the sight is rather comforting. Gone is the man who'd held you close and made you dizzy, who'd watched you come undone under him and stayed the night at your request. This is your Levi, your grumpy trainer who'd begrudgingly made you into a damn good soldier, your annoying superior who got off on pushing your buttons, your friend who always sighed too loudly when you were being difficult.
This is the Levi that you fell in -
You're not willing to go there.
Silently, you two walk to a more secluded area, so that any curious ears can't make out your conversation. Stepping closer and closer to the edge, you two stand looking down at the first few titans to finally reach the outer cities, clawing desperately to fill their stomachs. Hideous little bastards, they make your skin crawl just the tiniest bit.
Levi rolled his eyes. "Tch. Ugliest things I've ever seen." Score, you're hotter than a titan. "Have you seen them before?"
"Only after coming here, sir," you respond politely. You gather that he won't be so receptive to you calling him by his name now.
You peer down, glancing over at him a few times. A gentle breeze plays with his hair, and you find yourself wanting to smile despite all the confusion he's put you through. How does one manage to look so grouchy and pretty all at once? This is hardly the place to have that long overdue conversation, but you're nervous that if you pass up this chance, another one won't arise. You don't need much. Just a confirmation that he cares.
"Captain," you begin carefully, "if I were to slip and fall, would you catch me?"
"No. That's a mess that your clumsy ass can get out of itself."
Oh, you adore how unfazed he always is by your words. Your actions, however, are another matter.
Preparing to fire off your cables right away, you turn around and dip back, stomach jolting.
Below you a titan warbles eagerly, happy that lunch wants to offer itself up without a fight.
You should be falling. You'd expected to go two seconds before Levi swooped down and caught you, and if he didn't by then you would have saved yourself. But you've forgotten just how quick he is and how well he knows you. Before you can fall, he's already grabbed your hand, and now he holds you over the edge, face morphed into a snarl.
"I thought," he hisses, peeved, "that you didn't just want to be another dead body."
Ah, so that's what this is about. Of course, you should have seen this coming. Your decision to leave without telling him has left him jilted. You don't blame him. That particular conflict between you two has yet to be resolved. It's not all going to be fixed with one conversation. What the two of you need is a clean slate, a chance to get to know each other once more without any secrets on your end.
Levi doesn't bother pulling you up as you laugh softly. You dangle at the edge, his hand tightly gripping yours. A titan could grab you and it still wouldn't be able to break his hold.
"Are you still angry with me? Is that why we haven't talked?"
He scowls deeply at you. You wonder, as your lips quirk upwards, whether he'll drop you if you push him far enough. Just how heartless can the famed Captain Levi be in the wrong circumstances? If you're lucky, you'll never have to find out. Even if there's a part of you that wants to.
"I didn't come talk to you because…" He considers his words. "We were both very stupid that night."
You wrinkle your nose. "That's hardly fair. You kissed me first, I just responded."
"You kissed me first first." When you grin, he glares at you, irritated that you got him to say something so stupid. "Doesn't matter. The point is that we can't do this. You know that."
While he's trying to keep the conversation short and to the point, you want anything but that. If he was going to reject you, he would have done so. But it's the situation that's keeping him from doing anything, not you. That's nice, if slightly frustrating, to find out. You can't dislike Levi, no matter how much you'd like to. Sometimes you think about how things would be better if you just remained the same petty person you were when you started training. Then at least you could write him off without any second thoughts. "What is it exactly that we can't do?"
When he doesn't say anything, you continue. "Can't be...together? Fine, I get that." Even if it makes your mood sour. "But I'm not all or nothing. If you want to just...you know, then we can do that too." Then, feeling a little zealous, you add, "I know you enjoyed it."
Levi clicks his tongue in annoyance and pulls you back up, ignoring your hand on his chest as you catch your balance. "Is that what you want? That kind of relationship?"
His eyes are piercing into yours. So gorgeous and sharp, like the precious silver earrings you were gifted on your birthday once. You can't bring yourself to look at them and lie. "No. But if that's what you want, I can live with it."
Nothing in his carefully crafted expression gives away what he's feeling, but his words are honest and sincere. "It's not. So -" He pauses, looking away for a second and cursing under his breath. "So what do you suggest?"
How generous of him to leave it up to you. As though you know what you want from this little dalliance you have going on with him. If you were to close your eyes and imagine it, you wouldn't exactly see the two of you growing old together or anything permanent like that, not in this world. Nor do you imagine a flurry of secret meetings that are purely physical. All you see are portraits of the past, of you and him talking in his office until your eyes started to droop. But that doesn't tell you a damn thing.
Except that you crave his company. You want to be close to him. You want to know his secrets and become acquainted with every part of himself that he's locked away. But all that is stupid and cheesy, so you don't say it, lest he mock you.
"How about this?" You finally pull your hand back, taking a deep breath and hoping your silly little fantasies don't betray you. "Why don't we meet up for a friendly bout of drinks at the end of the week? And then we can figure out the rest from there. Does that work?"
He scrutinizes you, eyes narrowed, and you smile hopefully.
Easily, almost too easily, he sighs and mutters, "Fine."
By the time that your respective commanders finish speaking and come back towards you, there is no hint on either of your faces that you discussed anything besides current military affairs. And when Pyxis questions whether or not the good captain was able to help you sort through your thoughts, you only nod in a noncommittal way, while Levi informs him that he wasn't there to be the Garrison's goddamn emotional support. Pyxis laughs heartily, and that's that.
Dangerous. Her smile is downright dangerous. She should be fucking locked up for smiling like that. Holy fuck, he knew he had it bad, but that didn't mean that she had to look at him so earnestly and ask whatever the hell she pleased. Sure, she's probably unaware of this little power she lords over him, but that doesn't make it any less criminal.
Instead of paying her a visit in a maximum security cell, Levi is entering a crowded pub, looking around only to spot her in the corner with a bright, surprised grin as though she didn't actually expect him to show up. That's fair. He'd debated it quite a bit, before the image of her sitting alone waiting for someone who would never come got to him and he'd quickly grabbed his usual black suit and gotten ready right away.
They don't really look like they're here in a romantic sense. Her clothes are much more casual, unlike the dress she'd been wearing the night everything went to hell. Truth be told, he prefers it this way. Two people, just drinking together. That's all.
Then he remembers the last time he saw her drunk and his chest is pulled with a hard tug.
"So," she starts once they've ordered their drinks and sat down, an eager spark in her eyes that reminds him of Hange right before she does something stupid, "now that we're here, let's talk."
Levi wants to groan. Talking to her is, don't get him wrong, one of his favorite things to do. It's just that this conversation is going to head in a place that neither of them will like. They're setting themselves up for an extremely miserable time. "We can't talk here. What if someone overhears and this gets out?"
She laughs, leaning back in her seat. "First of all, it's loud in here. Second, we're not discussing highly coveted government secrets. What's the worst that could happen if someone overhears?"
"Do you want people knowing about this? Maybe you should have told Pyxis all about it, then, gotten your 'troubling thoughts' off on the old geezer."
"You're an old geezer too, you know. And don't get cocky, you don't know I was thinking about you that day."
"Oh?" he taunts. "Then what were you thinking about, (L/N)? Enlighten me."
"Besides the point. Would you have been comfortable with me telling Commander Pyxis about our…" She trails off, suddenly embarrassed, and it's just a little adorable. "Night together?"
"If you want to tell the guy, go ahead. See what happens."
"We're talking about the commander way more than we should be, is there something you need to tell me?"
"Says you. Go on romantic morning strolls with your superior often?"
"Well," she says, batting her lashes, "it wouldn't be the first time, would it?" When he rolls his eyes pointedly, she bites down a grin and continues. "Besides, you and Commander Erwin looked real cozy too. It's a hell of a love story, the leader of the Survey Corp and Humanity's Strongest."
A light blush forms on Levi's face and he's not sure why. It's not the jab at his relationship with Erwin, he's heard that one before. Apparently constantly hanging around someone starts rumors like that (he doesn't love Erwin, why would anyone think that, and even if he does, so what). But it's something about her calling him Humanity's Strongest that triggers this, even though the title usually makes him recoil. Hearing her throw it out in the open so casually, and for the first time at that, makes him want to live up to it. Just so he doesn't disappoint her.
If she notices, she doesn't say anything. "Sounds like we should both be here with different people."
(F/N) leans in across the small table purposely, as though confessing a secret. "No, I like who I'm here with now."
Damn her. Damn how pretty she is, how charming she is, how badly he wants to tug her close and shut her up.
Before he can say anything else, their drinks arrive. She thanks the man who brought them before holding it up. "A toast?"
He holds his own up. "To your stupid baker boyfriend."
Laughing, she takes a swig from the tankard. "I don't think you want to start insulting my taste right now."
"I'd never dream of insulting Pyxis." She laughs again, and Levi hides his own smile in the mug as he takes a sip.
An hour and a half later, Levi is drunk. He can't really believe it. He hasn't been drunk since the first time he had alcohol, and that was ages ago. Still, at least he can admit it, unlike some.
"This music is so funky," (F/N) whispers in his ear, like someone might actually hear her over the noise. She could scream and her voice would still get drowned in this crowd.
After the fifth person bumps into her, she balls her hands up tightly, raising a fist intending to do nothing that will end well. Before she gets the chance, he grabs her by the back of her shirt and tugs her back. Gaping, she informs him, "You can't do that, you're my date right now," and he really has no idea where she gets the balls to just say things like that so bluntly.
"Let's go. As your...acquaintance, I have to make sure you get home."
She giggles. "Acquaintance? That's new, I've never heard that one before."
As she babbles, she lets him lead her out of the pub, blowing a kiss to their waiter as some kind of final goodbye. A few people look on amusedly while the man blushes, and Levi scowls irritably. Who in their right mind serves two people all night and then still manages to let themselves be attracted to one of them? Whatever. It doesn't matter, because as soon as they step out, she's grabbing onto his arm with an excited gasp, and all thoughts of the blushing waiter leave his mind.
"Look, it's raining!"
"Don't even think about it." He grabs her hand and tugs her close before she can go and stomp in the puddles or something. "You'll get sick."
"But -"
"No."
"But it's pouring so hard!"
"You're not helping your case." Shrugging off his suit, he holds it above their heads and the two of them peer up. When a crackle of thunder sounds across the city, (F/N) lights up instantly. Never has he met someone so overjoyed by normal things like the fucking weather.
Taking a glance at him, she purses her lips like someone's just told her to do something and she's desperately trying to find a loophole. It's the same look she'd sport when they would spar and she was trying to figure out how to beat him. "What, you don't like rain?"
Levi raises a brow. "Is there supposed to be an appeal to getting soaked?"
"Of course, there's an appeal to everything!"
"I don't see it."
"Let me help you, then," she says with a pretty, mischievous grin.
Faster than he'd thought she was capable, (F/N) grabs his jacket and takes off with it. The rain hits his face all at once and Levi hisses, raising a hand to cover himself and narrowing his eyes at the little fucking thief. "If you don't give it back, I'll -"
"Looks nice on me, doesn't it?" She throws it over her back loosely, shimmying a little to show it off. No, it doesn't, it looks stupid. "Come and get it."
Levi gives her a second's head start before he's charging after her. His coat billowing in the wind, she cackles breathlessly, using their surroundings to her advantage. Their shoes pound on the cobbled ground below them as she swerves this way and that, running loops around merchants' stands that have long since been closed for the day. Every time he nearly snatches his prize, she ducks under him, speeding the other way, laughing all the while. If only he didn't feel a bit lightheaded, he'd catch her in an instant.
What the fuck is he doing?
He's chasing after a woman who's stolen his suit jacket and is playing a game of keep-away with it. He's playing a game in the fucking rain.There must be something seriously messed up inside him. This world is too cruel to play lighthearted games like this, too harsh for someone to be laughing and running innocently without a care in the world, least of all him.
And yet, as she crashes into a woman holding a basket full of apples and proceeds to get cursed out all while picking the apples up and placing them in the basket before asking serenely why the woman was walking around in a storm with a basket full of apples anyways - a valid question - Levi places a palm against his forehead at the ridiculousness of it all, and allows himself to chuckle at the sight.
The woman walks away, huffing. (F/N) sticks her tongue out from where she's kneeling on the ground. So grown-up, this one.
"That's what you deserve," he tells her, snatching the coat from her to hold it above them again. "Don't steal people's things."
(F/N) doesn't look sorry at all. She slowly stands.
"You should take your own advice, Captain."
He looks at her, unimpressed. "What did I steal?"
She thinks for a second and then, eyes shimmering in amusement, she points to her chest.
Levi scoffs loudly, ignoring his racing heartbeat. Holy shit, this is so cheesy. Who the fuck does she think she is? When he'd called her a princess once, she wasn't supposed to take that title and run with it.
"You're so -"
He doesn't get the chance to tell her what she is, because she cups his cheeks and crashes her lips on his. Levi swears something leaps in his throat, but he can only kiss back fervently as he continues to shield them from the downpour. She tastes as sweet as she did a few weeks ago, lips molding against his in a wet, messy, perfect kiss.
When she pulls away, her smile hasn't faded. "Will you come inside again?"
Reluctantly, he shakes his head, despite the longing he feels to just agree and spend the night teasing and having her once more. "You're drunk. I'm drunk too."
"Oh." Her brows furrow as she takes in this apparent fascinating bit of information. "Doesn't it cancel out?"
This time, Levi doesn't even bother trying to stop the laugh. He ducks his head and then looks back at her, wishing that she could stop saying funny things so that he could stop looking at her so adoringly. "No. Doesn't work that way."
"But I swear I've heard of two drunk people doing it and it was fine."
"Only if they both say before that it's okay."
Her mouth opens in an o-shaped form as she nods in understanding. "Oh, I get it. Okay. Um…" She leans in with a wistful expression. "Does that apply to kissing too?"
Suddenly, Levi's forgotten how to think coherently. "I...don't know." Closing the distance, he mumbles, "But you can."
And she does. Then she does again. And one more time. And another.
They stand there, sharing dozens of soft kisses in the rain until she yawns, leaning forward and resting against his shoulder with a content smile on her face. When he tells her that she's sleepy, she vehemently denies it.
That doesn't stop him from beginning the trek back to the apartment complex. All the while, they stumble and giggle and bump into each other, and Levi thinks about what the feeling blooming inside his chest is and why it sparks up every time she touches him and just how foolish he'd been to ever think this could be a one time thing.
explanation for the delay in posting: took my lsat! the week of i didn't have time to write at all. and then the following week it took me days just to finish the smut scene because surprise surprise i've never written an explicit scene so...let me know what you think? i wasn't entirely satisfied, but i did my best. then I got the vaccine and my arm was sore so it's been a busy couple of weeks.
i also hate writing like….the romance part of romance. i so prefer the friendship and bickering and fluff and pining. and then i'd like to just go from that to established relationship married couple. is that too much to ask?
i'm constantly adding songs to my playlist for this series, but one of my favorite new additions is i think i kinda you know from hsmtmts, it just fits so well :)