First request was from a Discord friend~ I see you Misha, perish.
Pairing: Little Byakuya and CG Makoto. Temporary CG Toko.
(Potential TW for this chapter: Toko/Syo character slander, mentions of mental illness)
The path that I'm walking I must go alone
I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
Byakuya felt the heavy gust of air he had been holding in leave his lungs as he stepped into the school. In one hand, he held his book bag. And in the other, he held the smaller, thinner hand of the writing prodigy herself, Toko Fukawa. Or, as she preferred to be called, 'mama.' As they entered, she gave his hand a squeeze, as though to remind him that she was right there. Or, perhaps to reassure herself, more so then she was reassuring him. Despite being the alleged 'adult' in this relationship, she seemed to need just as much consoling as a child did. Though, perhaps it was unfair to fault her for that.
Even if she had kept him up late last night over the phone with her neediness..
She walked him down the hallway, holding his hand tightly as she warily scanned the students that walked past. Byakuya couldn't even make eye contact with the other students without Toko reacting. Whether that be through a hand squeeze, or a glare, or what have you. She simply had to make it known that something wasn't right. That something Byakuya was doing wasn't right..
As if he didn't get that enough from his own father. Did she truly insist upon breathing down his neck just as intensely?
Toko walked him to his first class, just as she always did. And, she sent him away with the usual. A nervous little smile, and a squeeze to his hand. She went in for a kiss to his cheek. Despite knowing how he felt about public affection. And she frowned when he pushed her away. But, she relented quickly, knowing better than to fight by now. Once she was sure he was secure, she made her way off to her own classroom on her own. With Byakuya watching her go.
Once he was sure she wasn't watching anymore...he turned away from the classroom, and made his way down the opposite end of the hall. He knew better than to skip. He wasn't like Kuwata or Oowada. The delinquents who skipped simply because they couldn't be bothered to go to class. But, what was he missing anyhow? Nothing he didn't already know. What was the point in going to class? It was a bunch of tedious nothing to him. So long as he didn't miss anything beyond first period, he was sure he would be fine. Besides, even if he did go, he highly doubt he would be able to focus. Not with how exhausted he was..
Before he knew it, he had arrived at his favorite little 'quiet area.' The library archives. Old videos of school events from years previous. Dusty, outdated textbooks that had been left to collect dust. Dog-eared, withered books, that no one had touched in some time. No one came in this room. Even those seeking a quiet place to hide or rest, tended to visit the roof, or an empty club room. But never this dusty place. This was Byakuya's room.
After shutting the door behind him, he released another sigh, and let his tired legs lower him to the ground. He was all alone. He could allow himself to be weak and tired. Something his father and mother never allowed him to be.
Something his own 'mama' didn't allow him to be.
Sitting on the carpet, Byakuya pressed the back of his head against the little wall space that wasn't occupied by a book shelf. His legs were splayed out before him, and he let his eyes gaze up at the ceiling. He needed to rest. But, he doubt he would get much of that. His stomach was starting to twist up. Not out of guilt for ditching mind you. Byakuya had always been taught to never feel guilty for his own actions. Guilt would only push him back, and stop him from making important decisions. In other words, if he had let himself feel guilty, he never would have surpassed his many brothers and sisters to become the Togami heir. No, it wasn't guilt. It was...anxiety perhaps? This was the first break he had had in quite a bit. He thought that having a mama would have given him more breaks but...
How in the world had he ended up in this situation..
He knew Miss. Fukawa had loved him since the beginning. She was starved for affection and attention. And he was her target. She had confronted him one day. And had pleaded with him. She would do anything. She would be anything he wanted. She would preform for him, hurt herself for him, die for him. Her dedication had scared him. And yet, it intrigued him at the same time. Perhaps, this was something he could have used to his own benefit. Were his intentions selfish? Perhaps they had been at first. But, his own selfish whims had quickly been turned on their head.
He never wanted to involve her in his age regression. He had never ever intended to. This was his safe place. This was his way to enjoy himself and relax. But, he had foolishly let his guard down. For about a month, she had been nothing but subservient. She had really and truly done whatever he had asked. She carried his things, she made her presence scarce when he wanted nothing to do with her, hell, she allowed him to use her as a footrest here and there. She was truly the perfect servant.
He had let his guard down around her. And, she came to find out about his regression, through his own carelessness. She had walked in. She had seen him regressed. Oh the look in her eyes when she had seen him..
Shock, disbelief, perhaps even disappointment. This was not the Master that she knew. This was not the person she remembered. But, perhaps her heart had softened when she saw him cry... She loved her Master too much to see him cry. Even if those feelings were not quite reprobated.
He still remembered how it had felt when she put her arms around him. She had a very musky scent. Body odor that still made him wince. Her arms were spindly, and her hair was oily, as though she hadn't bathed in days. And yet, in that moment, it just hadn't mattered. For, he couldn't remember the last time he had been held in such a way. He had put his arms around her right back as she soothed him. Told him it was okay. Told him that she would take care of him. She wouldn't tell a soul. And that she loved him. She loved 'Kuya.'
How could he have turned away the love he had been denied all his life. Despite having been taught he didn't need it. Despite never fully understanding what he had been missing. This strange, and different girl had promised it to him.
And now, he just needed to give it back.
Things had been okay at first. Things had been normal. But, she began to push after a while. She wasn't satisfied. He went from giving the orders, to taking them. She wasn't used to taking care of babies. She didn't want to change diapers or play his baby games. She wanted someone older. And, despite his need to stay small, he did what she asked. Unconsciously. Because, he needed that affection. He didn't like Toko, he had never been able to like Toko. And yet, she made the time of day to hold him. Something his little side so badly needed. So...he did what she said.
And then...he met Syo.
'A secret for a secret.' That was what Toko had said. She revealed her DID. And she revealed to him, Syo.
Syo wasn't as kind as Toko was. (Well...kind in a rather loose sense of the word he supposed)
Syo loved pain. She loved to see others hurting. Especially those she had deemed as beautiful. And to her, Byakuya was the most beautiful of them all. She loved to see him hurt. She wanted to see him cry. She couldn't get enough of that scared look on his face when she fronted. If Toko was 'mama,' then Syo was more like...a terrorizing older sister of sorts.
What made it worse, was that..Toko didn't share any of Syo's memories. She didn't know of anything Syo had done. Not unless someone told her. Though, telling Toko what she had done was not an option, as she had said. Because if Byakuya told, she would know. And, there would be hell to pay. So, he kept his mouth shut. And allowed the bullying to continue...
He couldn't get her words out of his head..
'You're cute kid! But you're no 'Young Master.' My darling would never stoop as low as to cry and whine like a little baby brat! So, I can't say I feel sorry for you one bit! I do love that crying face of yours though! So go on! Cry for me won't ya?'
He was snapped out of his thoughts when he realized tears were running down his face. A-Ah. His hands were shaking. He didn't want to go back to Toko after school. But what choice did he have now?
The job of a system, was to protect the host. So, if he broke Toko's heart and walked away, Syo would hurt him. Again...
He lowered his face into his hands with a sniffle. He was scared. He was so so scared. He didn't want to go back. But he didn't know what to do...
He was so caught up in his own fear and worry, that he only barely heard the doorknob rattle. So, he was a little too late when he lifted his head...
"N-Naegi," he managed to say, just barely popping out of his frightened little space. "What are you doing here?"
It took a moment before the boy could speak, a little too surprised! As one would be after finding THE Byakuya Togami in such a state... "Oh. Ah! Well, um, nothing really," Makoto stammered. "Sorry. I was just looking for a quiet place to sit and study."
"During class?" Byakuya asked with a raised brow.
"Well...I guess I wasn't feeling too prepared for today's exam," he blushed. "But anyway..is everything okay? You look upset."
"What was your first clue Naegi?" he scoffed, wiping his eyes. "Leave me alone."
Makoto lingered for a moment, shuffling his feet. He wasn't so good at this sort of thing. How could he comfort this boy? Someone of such high importance. "I mean...I could do that," he said slowly. "Or...I could stay. That's an option too."
"It's not a good one, I can tell you right now," Byakuya warned.
"Why are you crying?" Makoto asked anyhow, rather bluntly too..
"That is none of your business!" Byakuya scolded. "I told you to leave me alone!"
"Um...no," Makoto said nervously. "I'm not going to do that. You look like you really need some company right now. So, I'll stay right here with you. Until you feel better." Byakuya glared in response. That is until.. "I mean. I could get Toko for you instead. If you want. I think she knows you better than I do and all. So, if I can't do anything to help.."
"Don't!" he said suddenly, looking ready to get up. His sudden exclamation startled Makoto, leaving him with a rather 'deer in the headlights-esk' expression. "You don't need to go and get her okay? This has nothing to do with her!"
"Well, I never said it had anything to do with her," Makoto pointed out. "I'm just saying. You two are always together and all. I just thought that if anyone could help, it would be her.."
"Ah...yes. You're right," Byakuya swallowed.
"Right.." he said unsurely. But seeing Byakuya's expression left him rooted to the spot. "But..you don't want to see Toko right now, do you?"
"What gave you that idea?" Byakuya scoffed.
"Well, it's just...you look really...unhappy," he said. "More so than usual I mean. I'm sorry if it's too personal but...is everything okay? Are you okay?"
Byakuya was quiet at that question. As much as Toko tried to be his CG, she wasn't very considerate. She was quick to take any sign of unhappiness as a personal attack. And, it was up to him to console her when HE was upset. It wasn't fair.. So, she didn't often ask if he was okay. Even when she did, it never ended with him getting what he needed. It was such a bad question. And yet, when Makoto asked it, with such clear sincerity on his face, he didn't feel quite as bad. He didn't feel as though he had to be careful with how he answered. He felt like he would be listened to.
Perhaps it was because of this that, despite knowing better, his regressed side began to poke out. Little 'Kuya.'
And, he began to cry.
Once again, Byakuya found himself wondering how he ended up like this... His head cushioned in the lap of the school nobody, Makoto Naegi. The child who always seemed to have at least one food stain made by a careless mistake after their lunch break. The boy who forgot to brush his hair now and again. The silly boy who had even tried to sneak away from class, after forgetting to study. Byakuya's head was resting upon that worthless somebody's lap. And, he had spilt everything. He hadn't meant to, and yet it had all come out anyhow. It was mortifying. Yet, he felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest.
"Geez..." Makoto said slowly. It had been quite a lot of information to take in at once, so he wasn't sure what to think at first! "That's...that's really a lot. I'm sorry you had to deal with it by yourself."
Byakuya said nothing for now, sniffling bitterly.
When he didn't answer, Makoto continued for him. "I can't imagine carrying all of that on my own. It must have been really tough." His perseverance earned him an answer in the form of a nod. "It's hard enough imagining what it's like being the heir in a family as important as yours. I don't blame you for doing what you've gotta do to cope. Even if I don't super understand it," he admit. "But...to have someone invade on your safe space must be..." he faltered for a moment.
"Not fair..." Byakuya finished for him with a sniff.
"Yeah, exactly," Makoto nodded. He chewed his lip as he thought over what to say. Maybe this wasn't the right thing to suggest. He couldn't imagine how angry Byakuya was already going to be later on at Makoto for being so involved! This could land him in even hotter water. But, he had to try! "Do you think...I could help you with any of this?"
That gave Byakuya some pause. Asking for, or accepting help was seen as a show of weakness in the Togami family. He prided himself on being able to work alone. But...he had to admit despite how much it pained him, that he wasn't so sure if he could do this alone..
"How?" Byakuya mumbled.
"Well...for starters, maybe I could talk to Toko? If Syo is as scary as she sounds, then that might be hard. But I'm sure I could at least make some sort of influence. Because, we really need to get you out of this relationship. It can't be good for you," Makoto pointed out.
"Yeah.." Byakuya agreed, wiping his eyes as he resisted the urge to regress further. But, Makoto just made him feel so so safe... "I'm not happy with her anymore. I don't want this anymore."
"No, I wouldn't think so," Makoto soothed, smoothing down his blonde hair. "And then after that's over...I mean...I could um..." Makoto faltered.
"You could...what?" Byakuya asked.
Makoto bit his lip. Then, in a rush he said, "I could help you with the regression thing." He didn't give Byakuya much time to think about what he had said, before he began a sort of nervous word-vomit. "I know we don't get along all that well and all! Or well, it's not that we don't get along. It's more like we don't really talk much. And, I get a feeling you don't like me all that much. But, I'd like to try and help, if you'd let me! I don't know a lot about caretaking or anything! This is kind of my first time! I babysat here and there, so that has to count for something right?"
Byakuya snivling stopped for a moment as he listened to Makoto ramble. Goodness. Why was he going on and going on like this still? As though he truly cared? No one could truly love a Togami, could they? Other than Toko anyway. Yet, her love was something he didn't want.
Of course Makoto didn't love him, he knew that! Frankly, he would be a little weirded out if he did! But...he cared for him. That much he knew he supposed.
He sat up, and held up a hand, stopping him. "Enough," Byakuya sighed.
"A-ah. Sorry. I said too much, didn't I?" Makoto blushed.
"No. I'd say you said just enough," Byakuya said. "I will entrust you with this. Every secret I've shared does not leave this room."
"Of course! I wouldn't dream of telling anyone else!" Makoto quickly said.
"Good," he nodded, pushing himself to his feet. "Then...I am trusting you to deal with Toko."
"..oh!" he gasped. "I mean. Yeah! I can do that!" Makoto said eagerly. "For sure!" Ah, he supposed the other suggestion was out of the question the huh? Well, eh was glad he could help at least a little bit though!
Byakuya straightened himself out as the bell rang for class to end. Ah, had he really been in here that long. Oh dear. Toko was sure to look for him.. He turned to Makoto once more. And..he extended his hand. "Naegi. Come with me," he instructed.
Ah! He wanted to hold his hand? Makoto was stunned for a moment! Though, he quickly broke out of it when Byakuya snapped his fingers a few times at him. "Sorry, sorry!" Makoto said quickly, taking Byakuya's hand. "I'll come with you, I'll come."
"Good," Byakuya nodded, giving that hand a squeeze. It was a lot warmer then Toko's. A bit fuller then her's too. He liked it..
As he led Makoto out, he spoke. "And. As for your other offer. I...do not accept it. But I do not decline it either," he said.
"Offer? Oh! Haha, it was a bit too much huh?" Makoto chuckled. "Sorry about that, I don't know what I was thinking. I-"
"Ah. So you don't want to do it?"
"Huh? No! I didn't mean that! I mean..." Makoto faltered. "If you'll let me, then I'd love to!"
Byakuya nodded as they walked out of the archive together. "Fine," he nodded. "Hurry up. I don't want to be late."
"Coming!" Makoto nodded as he hurried along. And yet, even as he was rushed, he couldn't help but smile.
It was pretty unexpected. But, he potentially had a baby on his hands now~