[A/N This is Dib's perspective in this story (i know no one cares, i just thought to write it) I want to give an advanced apology for the improper grammar stuff and how often i use the word "just." Sorry about that. This seems to be more anxious sounding Tthan my regular writing, so there's a CW/TW for anxiety, i'm sorry. This version is unfinished as of 5/4/21 bc i really don't know how to reword what i already wrote. I'll fix it if i can.]
He knew it wasn't a bad thing. He wasn't sure if he had ever been convinced that it was, and he wasn't sure if he ever felt shameful for feeling the way that he did. He knows he's weird, and so does everyone else, so he figured that this detail of his wouldn't be something that anyone would see him violently differently for having anyway. That much wasn't their businesses, either: he's always told them what he wanted them to know, but him omitting that fact (it was definitely a fact by that point) didn't mean that he was dishonest. He just didn't find it important to express to anybody if they didn't ask; and it's not like he had never made it a very huge possibility to anyone looking at him.
He was happy how he was. He didn't have anything to prove to anyone about who he fell in love with. Everything else: THAT'S what he wanted to prove to everyone, and he always tried his very best to. If none of that mattered to them, then absolutely none of this had any semblance of a right to.
These were his facts about it now: something that just was and wouldn't change, like the feel and power of the ocean. It was all just a tiny sprig of electricity in his brain when he thought about romance from after his first crush, and when he thought of the person he'd been thinking about nonstop from before they had ever met.
Yesterday he had done something for him that was almost uncharacteristically kind for him, though he had been treating him kinder for a long while now. Zim had planned a birthday party for him, for Dib's 18th birthday. A few things about it were strange: firstly, Dib hadn't cared for birthdays since he was a young child because his father never did. It became just another day to him, a detail on every important paper and nothing at all more. Zim shouldn't have cared either about the silly tradition. If he wanted to, he could circle the sun a hundred times over in the span of an Earth afternoon with nothing changing. Besides, what did he care for celebrations that his best friend never found important when's he's the only thing that makes it such?
Plus, it was also that: they didn't have friends past each other. Dib was always an outcast, even to his family. Zim was likewise, and he could only imagine how much more he felt it on a completely different planet than he had grown up on. It wasn't a secret to either of them that their classmates gave absolutely no care about them past the times that they made a spectacle of something or other. Still, Dib thought it was a very thoughtful gesture of Zim to try and get any of them at all to look past it and at least enjoy an excuse to have a party. In that case, it really was the thought that counted.
Zim hadn't hidden his upsetedness by it. It was different for Dib to have witness him being sad about it more than being angered by it, and he blamed himself for being so unlovable that it all went belly-up. It meant a lot to him that Zim would do all of that for him, and it meant just as much when he had thought up an alternative that just the two of them could enjoy: a lazer tag battle in his holograph chamber. It was the most fun that Dib had had in a long long while. It was also very heartwarming to him that Zim purposefully let him win (though he was sure that he would have anyway) despite the ego he had welded into him.
Dib would remember it forever. He'd remember how suspicious he was before he found out about the party, and he'd remember the sadness on his friend's face. And he'd remember how the whole world seemed to brighten when he'd thought of something better. And he'd never forget the look that he had on his face after Dib had won the game, the sincere smile in his eyes and how his antennae were flat against his head as he looked up at him. He thought of it over and over through the night and since he had awoken this morning. His mind folded over the weight of the little alien in his arms and the way that he could swear that he could feel the tiny heartbeats in his chest when they had embraced. He'd cherish that feeling forever, and he'd have done anything to again be so close to the one that he had loved for so long.
And that's what it was. He'd thought it since he was 14, and knew it for certain not even a full year later. He was in love with Zim. He was the only thing that made Dib truly happy in life, no matter how much still actually hated him. They still had so many problems to solve between themselves, they were both painfully aware. But they also knew that nobody else, possibly in the entirety of the universe, would be able to understand the other's strife quite the way they did. At the end of the day, the only one that could comfort Dib for trying and failing to get others to listen to him was the very creature that he was trying to expose; and he the only one that Zim could cry to when his plans to conquer the world collapse. The day may come where he won't be able to save humanity, but there was a part of him that dreamed to be alongside Zim when he'd rule over them all. That is, if he'd have Dib. Dib would never be the same if Zim left him.
He was very painfully aware of that. There wasn't anything beyonc Zim for Dib. It tore him apart, but he couldn't help it. He considered everything should there be a day that Zim decided to leave Earth forever. His options were wildly slim when he was alone, so much so that he cried nearly every time he thought of it. Zim was his world whether he liked it or not, and he deeply wished that he'd someday be able to tell him at least that much.
Dib was lying on his bed eating something or other for breakfast. His mind was wandering about with no particular thoughts sticking around long enough to focus on. The memory of the day prior washed over his brain and made his world a little pinker when the memory of his friendship warmed his heart. A few moments passed before his phone chimed with a notification. He glanced over before the screen went dark and saw that it was a text in all caps. His heart almost skipped and he leaned over go read it.
"GIR MADE MORE CUPCAKES FOR YOU. COME GET THEM."
He was happy that his friend had remembered him that day. Despite his body wanting to be lazy, he was excited to go and see his pal again. He slid up and out of bed and picked up his phone. He knows that 'tones' are very important to Zim, so he always has to text him carefully. He considered, "okay" and sent it before getting dressed. It gave him plenty of time to get there before Zim'd get angry, but he personally wanted to hurry along to spend time together. He thought to himself, if nothing else, he wanted desperately to thank Zim again for the party and to tell him how much it meant to him.
Dib knows that he can have problems expressing what he means to. Zim usually understands him, if after some explaining anyway. He wanted to clearly say what he was feeling so that Zim would know how meaningful it was to him on the first try.
Dib fantasized about how he'd respond. He thought of his happy little alien face. He thought of GIR being funny in the background. He thought of the awkward silences that would surely follow, despite knowing that, if he could do absolutely nothing else, Zim would always always be able to accept praise. Dib allowed himself to think of funny responses to laugh at. "OH DIB-THING! ZIM IS SO HUMBLED TO HAVE CREATED SUCH A WONDERFUL DAY FOR SUCH A STRONG AND HANDSOME HUMAN-BOY!" He chuckled at the thought of Zim extravagantly throwing his arms around with a cute bashful smirk.
He thought it was funny enough to continue. "Yes yes, Zim has done a very good job at making Dib happy." He fantasized himself rugged and muscular and with a sultry deep voice. "As a reward, i will allow you to continue complimenting me." Zim would drape his tiny frame over this image of himself. "THE DIB-HUNK IS SO GENEROUS! ZIM IS UNWORTHY OF HIS MIGHT AND MESMERIZING RIPPLING MUSCLES. PLEASE, OH MERCIFUL HUMAN-BEAUTY, ALLOW FOR THIS LOWLY CREATURE TO EXPRESS HOW IRRESISTABLE YOUR SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCE AND YOUR OVERWHELMING KINDNESS TRULY IS!" The two images began wraggling wildly long and somewhat disturbing tongues together, nearly making the real Dib trip.
He woke up at that. "Oh gosh, i hope that doesn't mean anything," he thought about how they both enjoyed praise maybe a little too much. He looked around and realized that he was at the opening of the cul-de-sac. His heart jumped as he realized he should have thought more about his wording than making out between those cartoons. He excitedly walked up to Zim's front door, ignoring the gnomes with which he had long since made a truce. He checked the hour on his phone.
Dib lifted his finger. Time felt like it had lost hours between this and when he touched the doorbell. He blinked at it slowly before applying pressure to actually ring it. Before he could breathe, the door swung open to a tiny smug figure. "Dib-Thing! Thank you for coming by again so soon after last time!"
Dib breathed out, astonished at the nerve of the critter. "Dude, you invited me here…?" He glared accusingly at Zim.
"Yes, yes, Zim is aware of how fond you are of his magnificent hideout." Dib debated coming inside at all, fully knowing that he would anyway. "It is quite cozy, i must admit."
Having checked his device reminded him why he was invited over. He breathed the air in the house and noted that it didn't smell any different than it usually did, which should be odd. "You said that there was cupcakes here, but i don't smell anything. Are they from yesterday?"
Zim seemed to deflate. "Ah yes… the 'cupcakes…'" The tone was faulty, but alarmed Dib.
Anxiety grabbed a hold of him. "Um, are there no cupcakes?" He didn't care about the confections, though. "Were you lying to me?" Zim wouldn't have given up the happiness that they shared for some new plot after being so friendly, would he? "I thought we were having fun yesterday." His heart felt like it was breaking.
Zim grimaced hard at Dib's reaction. "Uuhhh.. um, no. There are no cupcakes Dib-Monkey." He wanted to believe that he was actually sorry about that. "Zim diiidd…" he was buying time, "ask you oveeerr…" but he didn't know why he needed to, "to tell you something."
Wait, was that all it was? "Oh. Why didn't you say that?" Dib tried to hide the relief that he felt after hearing that. He should be nervous about talking about something that seems serious, but the levity of it not being so perilous distracted him. His body fidgeted. "So, did you want to talk here, or--"
Zim perked up. "Oh! Um, actually, let's go to the lab." He shambled over to the entrance, and Dib followed, leaving that satisfaction behind him.
As the two descended underground, Dib thought about why Zim really brought him here. He deceived him; which wasn't as hurtful as he had thought it was at first. They kid around with each other plenty enough for this to not mean anything. But it certainly wasn't just a prank that Zim was planning here either: he admitted that he wanted to talk to him. "We've had deep conversations before. Why is he so weird about it right now? Is he actually thinking about leaving? Is he going to break up with me?! Wait a minute, we're not dating. Is he going to spring a trap as soon as i step into the lab?" Dib's mind jumped from one thing to another, as it usually did when he was stressed out.
They stopped at the holograph deck. Dib calmed down a bit just from the rush of hormones that the environment reintroduced to him. "Maybe it won't be so bad." Dib breathed in the bare room before him. He thought about yesterday, and he thought about the short man that was stepping up to the control panel. His eyes followed him before touring him through the empty walls. Dib felt like he could sit here on the floor for the rest of the week and be happy. He hoped that their talk would be light, but preferred to just stay here without a word.
"I hope you like this one." Zim pressed a button and the room around them began to morph into something new. The ground gave way to what resembled grass, but had a different texture and color. The light was soft, coming from the huge shape of a ringed planet and what seemed like more than a million stars.
"Oh wow!" Dib was astounded by the sight. Had he ever imagined what the night sky would look like on an alien planet, this surpassed its beauty in droves. He looked all around him and tried to identify celestial bodies that he had known his whole life, but being in some potentially far-off galaxy made the effort moot. He thought about a reality where this was just a normal evening for its inhabitants and couldn't help but ask. "Is this a real place???"
He looked over at his companion, who was walking toward him. Zim shrugged with an uncertain look on his face. "I don't know. Maybe?" Dib looked off for a moment to imagine the two of them running away to this place to be happy forever.
He took a seat on the bench there. The thought filled his mind with joy, but dropped a heavy weight on his gut. This was too beautiful a place for any regular kind of conversation, but he didn't know if Zim was award of that.
There were so many things that Dib would be able to say to Zim here if he had the chance. Beyond just thanking him again, he could tell him how much it truly meant to him that merely a friend; one with which he had made such a fool of himself in the beginning; would go through so much effort to try and make him happy. He could tell him how nobody in his entire life had done anything at all to try and make him happy; that not even his sister would go out of her way to be decent to him on days so significant. He could tell him that, though he was only there through part of it, he had helped make his childhood more outstanding than he could have ever had on his own. He could tell him about how much he had learned about life, the universe, and himself by just knowing him and that he would never trade any of it, not one second of it, for anything at all. He looked at the person sitting next to him.
His breathing had paused. "So," he exhaled, "what was it that you want to talk about?" He looked into the alien's familiar eyes and tried to bd calmed by them.
"Dib, i want you to know something." Could this be what he was desperate to hear? It couldn't be, right? No, this was just a normal conversation with his heart's greatest wish, and nothing more. But he wanted to imagine that it was. He wanted so badly to hear Zim say those words; or for Zim to hear him say them. His whole body ached from head to toe for it to happen.
"Zim's had a lot of fun with the Dib these past few years. I'm really happy that we can be friends after all of the HORRIBLE things Zim has done." 'Horrible?' Why did he put such an emphasis on that word? Dib couldn't think of anything, anything at all that Zim had ever done that he thought should be considered 'horrible.' He watched as his angel glanced off somewhere, and he became nervous again at the thought that he was telling him that he was leaving. He wept to himself, the dry tears trying to remind him that he should not lament the things that might happen, but to concentrate.on what was being said now.
Zim looked back up at Dib. The delicate eyes brought Dib back to reality. "It's okay," he was almost trying to convince himself more than Zim. "Take your time." He felt as if his own heartbeat was assaulting his very being. He tried hard to ignore the tremors that passed in the seconds before Zim opened his mouth to speak.
"Dib, i-- i'm in love with you." What did he say? WHAT-- did he say that? Is he hearing correctly? Is this the right place? He heard it, and his world broke apart at the sound, leaving just Zim and Dib there, alone on an island.
Dib's heart stopped. His head felt as if it had been empty for years a fraction of a moment later. The words sounded distant to him. "I have been for years now," his eyes were overflowing, "but i knew i couldn't tell you…" his face had become distorted, "until you were older." An emprisoned breath broke free of his curled lips. "You were a child until yesterday, and…" his body acted on instinct.
"Can i kiss you??" He smiled widely and blinked rapidly, his hands now resting upon the small frame in front of him. Zim's eyes focused on the man that he had fallen for. His throat was silent, but through his maw escaped air that had a desperate need to scream "YES" in response. He nodded as fast as he could, his countenance pulling itself upward into a grand smile.
Dib pulled Zim close to him. Their smiles on their faces blended into one, an intoxicating rush drenching them as soon as their lips touched. Neither one knew what they were really doing. Dib tried to add more of his lips to the gesture, but he was still smiling too much for that to be all too effective. Zim leaned into it more, moving his head so that he could get in closer to his lover. He softened some, but kept the passion high when he caressed his partner's tongue with his own. Dib was startled, and almost started laughing at the sensation. He reciprocated the motions, grinning almost too wide for him to keep kissing his darling. He found himself wrapped in the alien's arms, and he used his own to keep the candy flush against his chest.
After a few more moments Dib felt Zim start to grow hesitant. It took an effort for him to completely surrender to having to separate. They looked into each others eyes, still wrapped together. The two breathed before Zim's small voice chimed out. "Dib, i…" He couldn't find the words that he wanted to say.
Dib's mouth moved faster than he could piece his thoughts together. He laughed out, "Zim! I've loved you for so long!" He admitted something that he hadn't exactly intended to: "I thought you were the only one i'd ever be in love with for so many years now, it was almost embarrassing!" Realizing this, he tried to brush it under the cover of some giggles and an apologetic look.
He couldn't believe how much seeing Zim's loving smile crawl across his face would affect his heart. Zim began crying, and his tiny voice cracked out. "Oh Dib-Friend!" He breathed some more, unsure exactly what combination of words, in any language, could properly translate how he felt. Despite it, the two held a full conversation through the tears in both of their eyes.
The two became one again, so desperate to embrace bodies and mouths. Zim quietly begged to be held, and Dib so wanted to keep him from ever disconnecting. Their tongues danced together, their lips sparking at every tiny touch. The two stopped to appreciate the other's genuine happiness, almost too overcome with feelings for a mere smile to make much of a statement. Hands reached for the softness of a cheek; foreheads connected in appreciation. They tried go get closer, they breathed out the relief of acceptance and affection. Their lips pressed together again, and their tongues drank in the other's love.
The world around them came crashing back in a second. So much clatter had come from the little robot as he danced into the room. "Oooohh, funny happy times!!! Heeheeheeheehee!"
Dib and Zim's gaze shot in his direction. "GIR!" The two barked at him simultaneously, but Zim's venom followed the sound towards GIR and his plate of cupcakes. He ripped himself from Dib's embrace and clambered after his tiny slave.
GIR was far from giving in any time soon. "You don't need these sugar snaaacks!!!" He balanced the cupcakes above his head, much too quick for Zim to be on his tail, despite his frustration. Dib wiped his face and giggled as he watched them run around him, dreaming about what hd and his new boyfriend would do when GIR settled down.
[A/N i wanted to go past where the last version ended, but i don't know how to get past here :p]