Eli gets a front row seat to dad and Liv or in their case, El & Liv, operate as partners.
He's watched them become something different for each of his sibling, tackling the mess that still remains a year after his mom's passing.
Dad takes Dickie boxing multiple times a week, finds them classes at various times of the day so it works around both their schedules. The boxing seems to excise some demons for both men but the change is most readily visible in his big brother, who has begun to smile and laugh more. The last few times Dickie has asked him if he wanted to go and Eli feels their relationship beginning to grow again, and he finds that he's never felt closer to his brother than when they're sparring.
Liv has helped Lizzie find a therapist that is an expert in grief counseling and depression, has physically driven her to and from the office on the Upper Eastside for the first few appointments. It's been months since, Lizzie has asked her to drive but there's a mutual understanding between them that if Lizzie needed her the other woman would be there.
Eli has heard her phone ring when he'd be laying on the couch in her old apartment, has listened for the telltale, 'Benson," except lately it's a soft, "Hi Lizzie…no you're not bothering me." She always moves to the bathroom by then, closes the door and turns on the faucet and he's never been able to stay awake long enough to hear the faucet turn off.
She has a standing lunch date with Kathleen. Eli has heard dad and Liv's muffled conversations late at night while he laid on the couch, he knows there's a constant worry that doesn't abate no matter how much time passes. They both can't help but worry about Katie. Eli knows they worry about all of them, all six of them. During high stress moments though, Katie's diagnosis though moves to the forefront of their conversations, and this past year has barely left any moment to breathe.
Liv and Mo don't see each other often, the least of any of his older siblings. Eli thought that was evidence that they weren't close, evidence that his oldest sibling hated the new relationship that their dad had with his partner of thirteen years. The one Mo knew Kathy blamed for her unhappiness for a long time. Mo knew better than him or his siblings how much Kathy hated her, before the two women finally formed a cautious friendship that deepened over the years. It wasn't until a couple months ago, that he learned Liv and Mo text all the time. Mo's daughter is infatuated with Liv more than anyone else in the family and the feeling is mutual. He's a bit surprised to learn that Liv's offered to babysit for his oldest sibling and Mo has taken her up on it more than once.
Eli heard their whispered conversations from his spot on her couch long before they ever mentioned it to anyone else, and he knows Liv had insisted that Eli had to be informed first. Noah, she'd argued was young enough where it wouldn't be a monumental change but Eli, she argued, would be given the first rights to object.
May 6, 2022:
They moved in together just over two weeks ago and other than the initial shock that comes with suddenly having a younger sibling, Eli finds that not much has changed in their family dynamic. The apartment is hardly ever empty anymore, but after a year of utter silence while his dad was at work and the overwhelming presence of his mother's ghost, he finds he prefers to live with a bustling family.
His dad is protective of her in ways he hadn't been with his mom, his mom had never liked the job, even in Rome his dad never spoke of it in grave detail. Eli knew what he did, his dad would tell him about some of his cases or let him in on some of the secret aspects of the job, but it was always when they were alone.
Liv doesn't mind talking about the job. Eli thinks she prefers it over some of their other conversations that all seem to stop the moment he or Noah enters a room. They never talk about the job in front of them either, but they're more open about those conversation. While one of them makes dinner. They're having a movie night, their first in their new apartment and he's noticed his dad has barely let her out of his sight and she seems to be content to stay there wrapped up in him.
The make-up that had been carefully applied this morning is gone now and what replaces it is slightly bloodshot eyes, Noah doesn't seem to notice but Eli can't look away. Eli gets up to get something to drink while the warnings play before the movie, he hears the soft pitter patter of bare feet against the hardwood floor as he grabs a soda can from the fridge.
"Thanks for letting Noah pick the movie, Eli." Liv's already thanked him not that it's necessary anyways, he likes Marvel movies just much as the kid, "You're really great with him."
He shrugs a little like it's no big feat and if he's being honest it isn't, despite the age difference, they get along, "You trying to butter me up for babysitting duty or something? Ya know you don't have to just slip me an extra twenty and I'll—" her laugh is light and happy. A sound he hasn't heard since they moved in together, lately she's been different but Noah is still too young to notice and he can't seem to get anything out of them. His eyes find her bloodshot ones, "Liv…is everything okay?"
"Just a hard week, Eli."
He kicks his socked foot against the floor, "Cause I asked dad if we could go to the cem—"
"No," she slips her hand up to cradle his cheek and he can't help but lean into her comfort, she isn't his mom but she willingly gives him love like a mom does, like his mom did, "No, Eli. This isn't about something you've done and I would never make you feel guilty for wanting to see your mom, May is just a bad month usually and this year it just happened a little earlier than usual."
"Okay, but…" he stares down at their feet for a long moment, "You know I still wanna celebrate Mother's Day with you too, right?"
Her smile is immediate, even if it is a little sad, "I know Eli and I love you for that. I promise none of you caused this, okay?" He nods once and she wraps an arm around his shoulders, pressing her lips into his head of hair, "Come on we should get back in there before the other two come searching."
Liv is wrapped in his dad's arms as the movie begins to play, her eyes closing every few minutes only to snap back open seconds later.
"Hey Mom?"
She lifts her head from his dad's shoulder, as though it's a bowling ball weighing more than she can handle, "Hm?"
"Can we take a selfie?"
"I look horrible sweetheart can't we do one on Sun—"
"Please mom it's our first movie night here and it's Mother's Day weekend…please?" The boy's blue eyes are hopeful.
She sighs pulling the blanket that's over her closer to her chest, "Go get my phone off the kitchen counter, sweetheart." They watch the boy sprint to the kitchen and Eli suddenly feels like a bit of an outsider and his dad must feel the same because he begins to shift from behind her.
Her head falls back to his shoulder effectively stopping him, and her brown eyes settle on Eli's, patting the spot beside her, "You gonna make me beg?" Her voice is soft and hesitant like she's waiting for something to happen but he hasn't been able to figure out what that something is, he thinks his dad knows if the kiss to her head is any indication.
"No," Eli says softly as he moves from the floor to the couch.
Noah plops on to her lap laughing when she grunts playfully. The young boy snuggles into her as she wraps her arm around Eli's shoulders again, pulling him in closer to her side and they smile at the camera in his dad's out-stretched hand.
"My boys."
May 22, 2022:
Eli wakes well into the middle of the night and he can't pinpoint why but he also can't fall back to sleep so he staggers down the hallway towards the kitchen intent on grabbing a glass of water. He's reaching the end of the hallway when he hears it, a strangled cry and he feels his breath quicken as he peeks around the corner suddenly wishing he'd turned on the hall light when he had the chance.
"Liv?" His whisper is thick with emotion his brain immediately thinking of the worst-case scenario, his dad killed in the line of duty.
Her breath hitches like she's been sprinting for her life.
The silence is deafening and it makes his voice develop a sense of urgency that he wishes desperately at fifteen he didn't have, "Is my dad hurt?" There's blood rushing through his ears and he thinks he may faint, his hand grips the wall, any other time Liv would be aware enough to understand what's happening to him. Except right now he doesn't think she's even realizes his presence to hear what he's saying, much less see the anxiety coursing through his own veins, "Is my dad…is he hurt?"
There's a strangled noise and she jumps again and she mumbles something incoherently and Eli feels utter dread fill him, "Liv…please! Is he….is my dad dea—" her phone rings loud and shrill in the deafening apartment and he jumps but the noise doesn't seem to penetrate whatever's happening to her right now. He reaches for her phone sitting on the bar, his hand trembles as he swipes the green button, "Dad? Are yo—"
"Eli? Where's Li—"
"I thought you were…" dead like mom. That's what he wants to say, wants to tell his dad that he thought he was alone in this world but he can't seem to get the words out now that he's talking to the man himself, "And Liv wouldn't ans—"
"No…no, Eli. I'm fine I promise you I'm fine," the other man reassures him quickly, "I'm gonna be home in about thirty minutes and then—" her strangled sob cuts him off, "Can I talk to Liv for a minute, Eli?"
Eli approaches her slowly, "Liv…" he sees her body tense and her hands raise to protect her head and he steps back, somehow he instinctively knows that she's scared of him, "My da—El wants to talk to you?"
Her hand flies out seemingly from nowhere and her fingers wrap around the phone, "El?" The teen moves to sit in the chair on the other side of the family and he can just barely hear his dad's muffled voice from the other end of the line. Her voice drops as her eyes dart to him and then away, "No…I had a...yeah. They're promising more interviews next year for the ten-year ann—" her voice breaks off with a harsh sob and his dad's voice is muffled but he can hear the concern, the promise to be home hang up a moment later and he watches her from the corner of his eye, she lets the phone fall to her lap and lets her head fall into her hands for a moment as she tries to catch her breath.
He watches her head lift a couple minutes later and her eyes dart in his direction but she doesn't attempt to meet his eyes, "I'm sorry for scaring you Eli."
"S'okay," he mumbles and he sees her nod but he can tell somehow that she doesn't believe him, "I'm sorry too, you know."
There's a soft burst of air from her lips followed quickly by disbelief, "You didn't do anything wrong, you have nothing to apologize for, Eli."
"I yelled at you when you were…" he trails off helplessly, he's heard the term flashback recently but it sounds like the wrong term to use with somebody like her, somebody like Liv who's always so steady.
There's just the barest hint of a sad smile as she supplies, "Flashback. You can say it around me, Eli, I had to accept a long time ago that they would be a part of my life." Her eyes meet his and the darkness shields most of her facial features but there's still shame in her voice, "I know how scary it must've been for you to experience that tonight and I'm sorry, Eli." Her eyes glance down at her phone and she hits the screen so the screen lights up, "It's way too late for you to be up though, especially after that soccer tournament why don't you head back—"
"Can I wait up with you?" His voice is quiet and he prays that she doesn't force him back to his room he'd never admit it but right now he doesn't want to be alone. He thinks she's going to deny him, but instead she nods softly and her clenched hands relax a little as she lifts the blanket that's covering her.
"If you're gonna stay up at least be under the blanket."
Eli curls lets himself curl against her side, his head resting against her upper arm and he feels her lips press into the top of his head, and it's the last thing he feels before his eyes close.
The apartment is quiet as he moves down the hallway towards the kitchen in search of water and breakfast, and he remembers that Noah has a birthday party today. His dad had reminded him while he shouldered his weight down the hall at just after five in the morning and Eli has the vague memory of his dad literally tucking him into bed last night.
"Hey Eli," her voice is hoarse and her eyes bloodshot and he wonders how much they slept after Eli passed out again in his bed, "You want breakfast?" He nods as he watches her move into the kitchen, while he sits at the bar, "Your dad took Noah to the party for me but they should be back by dinner." She glances over her shoulder at him but he can't bring himself to respond and she can't help but fill the silence it seems, "Did you sleep alright?
"Yeah," his voice so quiet it's nearly drowned out by the sizzling bacon in the pan, "Li—"
"El—" she turns to face him a small smile on her lips, "You wanna go first?" He shakes his head once thankful for the reprieve, "I'm sorry about last night, you should've never had to experience that, Eli. I'll understand if you're…" she sighs staring down at her hands for a moment and when she finally looks up again, he sees the tears, "Your dad's job isn't exactly nine to five but maybe we can talk to your sib—"
Tears well in his eyes as he realizes what she's saying, "You want me to move out?"
Her hands grip his before he can pull away, "No. No, Eli. Maybe just when your dad works nights so you don't…I don't wanna scare you and considering last night…it was my fault and I'm sorry. I watched something last night I should've never watched," her eyes plead with him for understanding, "Especially not with you and Noah here when your dad wasn't and I am so sorry, Eli. Your dad and I should've talked to you about…that sometimes I have…"
"Flashbacks," he supplies softly.
A watery smile slips onto her lips that he returns immediately, "I was ignorant and I thought…I'd hoped that it was something we'd never have to warn you about, Eli. Noah is still young he knows I have bad days, bad nights but he doesn't know anything more than that," her voice drops as she seems to lose herself in thought, "Thankfully he's never seen one. I don't like talking about it but that still doesn't make it right tha—"
"I'm not scared of you, Liv, and I like being here with you and Noah when my dad's at work, it's like…" his voice breaks, "It's like my mom is alive again and I have a family again." A smile graces his lips and he feels his mood lift with a single thought, "And I'm finally not the youngest."
Her laugh is soft as she plates his eggs and bacon, "I still think you deserve an explanation but this is your home, Eli."