Aramis slowly became aware of a gentle pressure on his ankle, a comforting warmth that he was certain shouldn't be in his room.
Blurry eyes blinked away the sleep that had built up in them from too many restless nights and peered to his left, slowly focussing the blurry blob there into Athos sleeping form. A tired smile spread across his face at his friends presence, but it was wiped away as quickly as it had formed almost as if it had never existed, as he recalled his embarrassing behaviour from the night before.
He blamed it entirely on a lack of sleep, he never would have shown himself up like that in front of Athos otherwise, well that and Porthos withdrawal.
Late afternoon sunlight streaming through the shutters caught his eye as something glinted dully on his bedside cabinet, something he was entirely certain hadn't been there when he had gone to sleep. His fingers fumbled to pick up the achingly familiar key with the usual coordination that was lost with sleep, and rubbed his thumb over the P engraved on the back in confusion.
This was Porthos' key, but how could that be?
He wasn't in Paris, he was away with his wife, and he always kept it on him at all times, just in case Aramis needed him!
Clarity struck him like a bolt of lightning and the key dropped from nerveless fingers, seeming to float feather like through the air, until it hit the floor with an ear splitting clatter that made him jump and recoil in horror.
A high keening wail tore from his throat as he dug clawed fingers into his own chest and rocked himself violently back and forth, mind locking itself down into the familiar iron clad trap of years previous when he couldn't bear to face the world.
Porthos was gone, had abandoned him completely this time and suddenly the world seemed bleak and colourless, tinged with a gloomy grey that he couldn't convince himself would ever leave.
A haunting wail that made all the hairs on the back of Athos' neck stand up dragged him back to the land of the living with absolutely no warning, and within seconds he went from deeply asleep to hyper awareness.
The chair legs that had been swinging in the air, met the ground with an abrupt thump that was barely audible over the sound of Aramis screaming.
Wait... screaming?
He shot to his feet like a bullet from a gun, or at least as if he had sat on a needle or something, hands hovering anxiously over the manic form of his friend as he thrashed about on the bed.
"Aramis... Aramis what's wrong? Bloody hell, ARAMIS!"
He wrapped one hand around both of Aramis' wrists and pulled him bodily towards him, holding them trapped between their bodies and stopping him from hurting himself further.
"Please stop Mis, you're scaring me. Mis, please" he whispered like a mantra into his curly hair as the shrieks carried on regardless, becoming raw and painful as time went on.
Athos' gaze was caught by a familiar key lying on the floor and his heart sank disconcertingly, the feeling similar to jumping from a very high bridge and free falling towards the rippling surface of the water below, stomach lurching almost as if it had been left behind back on the cobbled stone of the bridge.
What was Porthos' key doing lying on the floor?
Gradually Aramis seemed to calm down and lay limply against him, hands flopping to lie in his lap once Athos released them, cries falling silent with sporadic hitching breaths the only sign of his distress.
He smoothed his sweaty hair back from his forehead
"Aramis, what happened?"
"I'm sorry Athos" his voice was no more than a croak "you shouldn't have to deal with me when i'm like this, it hasn't happened for a long time and normally Por..." he trailed off with a choking sound.
"Do you know why Porthos' key is on the floor?"
Athos deftly sidestepped the issue of Aramis' behaviour, deciding it was better to wait until he had a little more strength (and access to copious amounts of alcohol), before addressing that kettle of fish.
"He left it Athos, he left me" with a choked sob Aramis clutched at Athos shirt in despair.
"He's just staying with his wife Mis, he's coming back soon and you know he would never leave you" Athos soothed, swaying both their bodies side to side in a gentle rhythm.
This was a very strange situation for him to be in and frankly he definitely did not like it.
Aramis was the cheerful, bubbly one and Athos was relied upon to be the grumpy old misery guts of the group, and Porthos dealt with emotions.
He wished he were here, for such a large and intimidating man, he was incredibly good at comforting, it must be something to do with his muscular arms he mused.
Bad Athos, back on topic. Distressed friend to look after remember.
Unfortunately there was no possible way to forget.
He had always known that Aramis had his issues, there had been many a time when Porthos had absconded back to his rooms with a subtly trembling Aramis, but he had accepted that Porthos had a handle on things. If they needed his assistance they would come to him.
When it never happened, well, he had just assumed everything was fine.
He was so wrong.
"Aramis I don't know why you think Porthos would ever abandon you, he loves you, you know that!"
"Well yes but...he was bound to get fed up sooner or later, having to deal with...this" he gestured to himself self-deprecatingly
"All I see, is an incredibly strong man who deals with so much that even the strongest man would buckle under, and sometimes it's too much, and he needs a shoulder to cry on, but don't we all?"
Aramis could feel his cheeks flushing with heat at Athos' heartfelt declaration, his blue eyes stared into his in earnest, willing him to believe what he was saying. He couldn't quite bring himself to do so, he had lived for so long with this belief that he was an annoyance to everyone, his previous partners had spent enough time convincing him of the fact, and as much as he wished it were true, there was no conceivable way it could be.
Still...
"Do you really think that?"
Athos assured him that it was indeed what he thought and had thought for a long time, since he had first met him in the aftermath of Savoy and learnt what the silent man was struggling through.
"Now come on, let's get dressed and head to the Garrison. It is not so late that we cannot get in some practice, and perhaps, if we at least show up Treville may be somewhat lenient with his punishment tomorrow!"
"I doubt that very much, the Captain is as sadistic with punishments as he is loyal to the King" Aramis laughed softly, fond thoughts of their steadfast captain running through his mind.