Driving down the highway to the school yard
And you'd tell me stories 'bout when you were young
You used to be my hero, then you put up your guard
I used to be so proud to be your son
Things they change when you walked away
It's funny how the table's gone and turned
From 4 to 3 - when we go out to eat
And momma's sitting by herself again
I've been getting flashbacks
Of hearing you fight behind the door
Know you'll never call back
I don't even miss you anymore
Cause I've been doing fine
Without you in my life
I've been getting flashbacks
I've been getting flashbacks
'Flashbacks' by Zach Hood
A/N: Feedback is appreciated. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed, or favorited. Since I didn't start this fic with much of a plan, any suggestion or scene which you would like to see is welcome.
Flashbacks
Ben looked at his mom and the stranger for a few more seconds. His mom, who hadn't spoken for the better part of six years and started to speak in sentences just a year ago, was holding onto that stranger like he might disappear into that thin air if she let go.
But he wasn't really a stranger, was he? A voice whispered inside his head. Ben had to admit that the man in front of him seemed vaguely familiar, his mind almost seemed to want to trust him instinctually. And the more he looked at this Dean Winchester, the more he… remembered. Although he would never admit it, he was a bit freaked out by the similarity in his and Dean Winchester's looks. A sudden headache hit him and he shook his head. He didn't know what it was but some pictures flashed across his mind like a flashback, a younger him looking at this man as he gave advice to Ben on standing up to bullies, a teenage him learning to fix a car, another teenage version of him secretly learning to use a firearm. He shook his head again, trying to understand what they meant, was he going crazy as well?
He couldn't answer that question as the man in front of him stood up, his mother had taken a step back but was still holding onto his arms and was now looking into his face, smiling a genuine smile which he hadn't seen on her face for years. He narrowed his eyes as they shared a soft kiss and turned to look at him. Both of them remained silent for a few moments as they stared at him.
Dean Winchester spoke first, "Ben," he started hesitantly and Ben had to wonder how the man knew his name, "Do you remember me, anything at all?" he asked.
"No, am I supposed to?" he asked confrontationally, he didn't know where the anger he felt was coming from but he knew that the man expected nothing else, judging by the guilt that flashed quickly across his eyes.
Dean took a deep breath and looked away, he exhaled loudly before pointing towards the chairs around the dinner table, "You might want to sit down for this," he said, seating his mother and himself.
Ben remained standing, "I'm fine where I am. I'm a bit more interested in whatever you're about to say."
Dean nodded quietly and turned to his mother, "Lisa, how much do you remember?" he asked, holding her hand tightly.
His mother took a deep shuddering breath, "Bits and pieces of it, mostly. I started remembering these details about a year later from whatever happened, but I remember everything about you, Dean. The night we met, and when you came to the town when all that crap happened... and about your hunting job, I remember our time together… but… but the details are hazy. It's like I'm seeing through a cloud and there are a million missing pieces," she finished.
Dean nodded gently and turned to Ben, who was trying to take in the implications of whatever his mother had just said. She had met this man before, she had even spent time with him, he briefly wondered whether all this might have been before he was even born. Unlikely, considering he was born when his mom was just 20 years old and she spoke to this man as though she knew him for years as an adult.
Ben looked Dean in the eye when he spoke, "You've been here before? And you know me?" he asked tightly.
Dean hesitated and sighed deeply before answering, "Okay, I'm gonna tell you everything now, Ben. Listen to me."
And then Dean started to narrate, starting from when he met his mom and had a one night stand with her, his reappearance in the town to meet her since he had been damned to hell because he sold his soul, him coming back to live with her after his brother (Sam?) had sacrificed himself to save the world and the subsequent year which they spent together, and then he narrated the incident which prompted him to take their memories. And that's when Ben started to remember some other things as well. It was almost as though Dean's words had punctured a hole in the tank which held these memories from him and this hole caused everything to come rushing out.
All of a sudden, Ben remembered it all! How could he forget Dean?! He remembered everything, he remembered how much he loved this man, he remembered how much he looked up to him and most of all, he remembered how much he wished Dean was his own father because Dean was the only father he had ever had. Dean was the only person who taught him to hit on girls, who taught him that life was unfair, who comforted him in that gruff manner of his when his mom would sometimes screw him over things.
And Dean had left him.
Dean had left him and his mother to rot. He had taken away their memories and left them to die, he never checked in on them. Ben finally turned to look at Dean, a deep anger burned within him as he stared at the man who had abandoned him and his mother at the time they needed him most.
His voice trembled with anger as he spoke slowly, "You took our memories and left us to die?"
Dean looked away at his question, the guilt lay heavily on his now aged face. His mother looked at Dean and spoke to Ben pleadingly, "Ben, you have to under-"
"Understand? I have to understand, mom? Is that what you were about to say?"
Dean finally turned to look at him, "Ben, your beef is with me, don't drag Lisa into-"
"DAMN RIGHT IT'S WITH YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Ben finally roared, his voice rang in the living room for several seconds.
Dean looked away and Ben continued to speak, "You've been gone our entire lives and then you decide you can just walk in and everything will be alright?" Ben took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing, "Do you know what I had to go through? I didn't have a father, or a mother or even a brother. I had no one. I had to be my own father, and my own mother to keep her safe," he said pointing at his mom, "I was never a kid, I had to work jobs to pay the bills, do you have any idea what that was like? To sacrifice everything you have?
Dean looked at him sadly, "I know exactly what it's like," he was about to continue but Ben interrupted him again.
"No, you don't. You had your father, you had your brother. You didn't have to watch someone you love slowly slip into sadness, into insanity, to watch the one person you love become a shell of what they used to be, you never had to watch that when you were fifteen!"
Dean swallowed before speaking, "Ben, I made a mistake, but I'm trying to set it right-"
"Mistake?" he laughed mirthlessly, "MISTAKE? That wasn't a mistake, THAT WAS YOUR CHOICE!"
Tears shone brightly in Dean's green eyes when he looked at him, "You think it didn't hurt me to do this? You think I did it because I wanted to hurt you? Then you are wrong, I spent every minute of the last decade thinking of you two!"
"And that helped me and mom, how?"
Dean looked away from him, his mother placed a second hand over their already entwined ones and shot Ben another pleading look but Ben wasn't having any of it. He could still feel that righteous anger boiling inside of him. He quickly walked to the door and pulled his leather jacket on.
"Ben, where are you going?" his mother asked, urgently, her voice thick with worry.
"Out, and don't follow me. I'll come back when I feel like it, like Dean did."
Dean spoke this time, "Ben, just listen to me, okay?" it was a plea and he stopped, his hand resting on the doorknob. He had never heard Dean speak that desperately, Dean's voice had an authoritative, commanding tone when he spoke but this time, he could hear how broken it sounded.
Ben turned to look at him again, both of them silently stared at each other. Ben was shaking with anger while Dean was wracked with guilt.
He spoke slowly but surely, "You are dead to me," he said, before slamming the door behind him.