Chapter 2

Danny's p.o.v – (Remember Irish accent folks.)

If you told me a week ago I would be with 5 amazing guys who actually know how to treat someone properly I would call you a liar. Now a week into this new life I don't think it's that bad after all. It has been a huge adjustment. I keep waking up expecting there to be a screaming child to comfort and there is no one there. Being surrounded by people at night makes being alone at night kinda scary to me now. I also keep waking up in bed alone after falling asleep on the couch with my head on someone's shoulder and I have never been more embarrassed. I used to be the one people felt safe around, the one small children came up to when frightened for comfort and now I am the one who needs comforting. They say they don't mind but the paranoia inside of me says otherwise.

Every part of one corner of my mind screams at me that they don't like me, and they are going to kick me out soon. It took Patrick 14 almost 15 years to decide that my skillset was no longer required. I suppose that is what happens when you have had a lifetime of people being in your life and then suddenly leave you unexpectedly. You become afraid to become attached to someone because you have a history of them just being like "we don't need you anymore goodbye." I am still anticipating them coming up to me and telling me that they don't need me anymore and that I was to leave and then I would be alone for the first time as well as homeless. I can't quite tell what time of the morning it is, but I assume no one else is awake.

The clock on the microwave as I entered the kitchen told me that it is currently 3 am. I grab my pack of tobacco as well as my rolling paper and filters and roll myself a cigarette. I tend to find that my anxieties tend to ease as I smoke so I might have better luck going back to sleep once I have smoked. I am about halfway through my cigarette when Jorel walks in. I almost dropped it in shock, but I managed to keep my calm just about. "Can't sleep?" he asks me, and I just shake my head. I don't want to talk about why right now and I am hoping he will leave it. He makes his own cigarette and stands next to me. "Don't worry, no one is going to be angry. It's only been a week right?" Jorel asks me, I wasn't worried about them being angry.

"Yeah, I wasn't worried about that to be honest," I tell him. I knew that was going to direct the conversation in the direction I don't want it to go but it is too late now. I am getting to that level of tiredness that means that I am starting to not care and that is probably going to bite me in the ass later. Jorel didn't push it luckily. "Fair enough, I'm not gonna push it if you don't wanna talk about it. All I can suggest is you try and get some sleep," Jorel says, and that is fair enough. I am going to attempt to sleep once I have finished this cigarette. George said that we are having a pretty relaxed schedule until their girlfriends are all moved in and settled too. They were also having some problems with the last member of the gang that they were fixing.

I didn't want to get involved in gang business that was before I got here because it has nothing to do with me. Whatever happened between that guy and them is all about them and since I have no clue on how the gang operates it would be very stupid of me to offer some insight onto a situation I know nothing about so I will keep my mouth shut. "Thanks Jay, I'm gonna try get some sleep now," I tell him. I am going to try my best to get some sleep so I can get myself into a normal schedule before I get trained in the ways of the gang life I am now following for as long as they want me. I would rather get over these teething issues now then have to deal with them as well as learn everything they want me to learn for how the gang operates.

Vanessa, Asia, Randi, and Anna are all moving in in the next week. That will leave Matt and I as the only single men left but I don't mind that for now. I would love a girlfriend, don't get me wrong, but I don't think I am in the right mental state to treat her the way she needs to right now. I have also never had those kinds of talks as a kid as my childhood was destroyed right around the age of 7 when my parents were murdered. It is kinda sad, but over time I have shockingly become desensitized to those kinds of emotions. I suppose if I do decide to let my walls down George seems like the person who I would go to for those kind of talks. I'll be honest and say that I don't even know how to approach that kind of conversation.

"Fair enough Danny. I'll be up for a little bit longer if you decide you want to talk to me but only if you want to," Jorel tells me, and then we both say goodnight to each other for the second time this night. I finally memorized the route from most of the rooms in this house to my bedroom. I don't look like a complete idiot now like I did on the first few days while I was getting used to this house. It's bigger than any house I have ever been in that is for sure. We didn't really have a house when I was in the Irish Warriors, it was more like a massive warehouse and all one room except there was a separate bathroom. I like this much better.

I climb back into bed and just lay down without the covers. I'm tired but if I end up tossing and turning again I'll just end up too hot and then struggle even more with sleep. My mind won't shut off and I can't stop thinking about everything that has happened since that fateful day when I was seven. I've not really had much of a chance to think about it because I've always been doing something all the time. The nighttime mainly consisted of little sleep and comforting the younger ones who inevitably woke up screaming with the nightmares they had. Either that or I spend the night going out trying to do the jobs I was told to do or else I'd be killed.

"I'm not surprised he was up late. He's got a lot on his mind and when you finally don't have to do anything is when it hits. He definitely has abandonment issues and some form of PTSD you can't avoid those things with the life he's been through," I hear from the other side of the door. It was George and he was talking to Jorel, but they were being quiet about it and they couldn't see me. I was lying with my eyes close, acting like I was still asleep when in reality I had only just woken up. I suppose I'll keep pretending for a minute or two. "Yeah that makes sense, I suppose there is nothing we can do about that then," Jorel replies. I don't know what time it is yet, but someone covered me with the blanket while I slept.

"At this point no. He'll think that we are doing it to lure him into a false sense of security and then abandon him like he has been before. All we can do is support from a distance. Give him time to see that we do want him around," George says. It was like he had the ability to read my mind which surely must mean I am losing my mind as well. Either that or he has a lot of knowledge on these sorts of things. "Yeah fair enough. I already offered to be there if he wants a little heart to heart chat or whatever," Jorel says. I don't want to rush into things, but I think they might actually be genuine. I am going to continue being cautious for now though.

Like George said I do think that they are trying to lure me into a false sense of security. They will want me to leave eventually, everyone does. I don't know why but I am just not a guy that people want to stick around in their lives. My parents did want me though, I knew that. They were just brutally murdered in front of me because my uncle Robert didn't pay Leo on time. It is something which is going to stay with me for the rest of my life. I remember it in such vivid detail until the end where I was being driven away from my burning home. I hear the door open, and I decide that it's probably a good time to start to stop pretending to sleep. Whoever quietly entered my room walked up to my bed and gently shook my shoulder.

"Morning Danny," George says, as I roll over and open my eyes. I smiled at him as I stretched. At least I managed to get some decent hours of sleep. "Morning George," I tell him. He lets me get up and I follow him down to the kitchen where Jorel was making omelets for breakfast. George sits me down at the breakfast bar and rubs my shoulder. I'm a little bit tired, but I'm still waking up. Jorel plates the food up and places them in front of us. "Morning Jay," I tell him, then George and I thank him for the breakfast. Everyone is surprisingly good at cooking. Well, it is not actually that surprising considering it was something they were taught, and I was not. They had a normal childhood which again I didn't have so it is where we are different.

"You got some sleep in the end then?" Jay asks, and I nod. I don't think they knew I heard them this morning, and I want to keep it that way. Not that I am doing it in a going behind your back kind of way, I just want to see how things go naturally. I can see that they care about me, but how long they are going to care about me is what I don't know yet. After breakfast they went down to the basement and I was told I could do whatever I wanted which even meant I could leave the house if I felt like it. I don't know how to drive yet, and I don't exactly know where here is because I didn't pay attention. I felt like if they were going to abandon me eventually it is probably better that I have no idea where they are so they can't get hunted.

I try my best to push all the negativity out of my brain by going to sit on the couch and watch some television. I had not watched TV since the early 90's so there are a lot more shows and genres I can catch up on now. I believe Patrick's excuse for not providing a television was purely because he thought that whatever we watched on it would corrupt our little brains and we wouldn't be the efficient gangsters he wanted. Not that everyone turned out to be the perfect little gangsters he wanted, but he had his ways of dealing with those issues as they came up. I eventually find a show to watch and sometime later I am joined by Dylan. "Morning Dan," Dylan says, and I say good morning back. He sits as close to me as he dares.

"Are the others downstairs?" he asks, and I nod. I haven't seen Jordon or Matthew, but if they had gone straight to the basement after they got up and had breakfast or whatever then I would not have done. "I've not seen Jord or Matt though," I tell him. I am starting to figure out the "official" hierarchy even though they say they are all seen as equals and treated as such. George is the leader, and Jorel is second in command and everyone else just fits around that. I don't know where I fit in with all of them, but I suppose I will find out eventually. Either that or it's going to be another case of I don't fit in anywhere at all. "Yeah I think they are still in bed, they were out late last night," Dylan tells me. That's fair enough, they always are out late when they do the drug runs.

"Hey Dan, do you wanna come to Target with me?" Dylan asks, we had finished the season of the show I had been watching and we were trying to find something to do in the meantime. I don't think I have ever been to Target before. I have heard of it, but we were always given meals from Walmart's great value section. We were never allowed to leave the warehouse apart from our tasks as gang members, so shopping is something I have never done before. "Uh sure, I've never been to a Target before," I tell him, and he grins. I am not sure if I am supposed to be comforted by that grin or scared for my life. I guess I'll have to find out.

"Oh you have a lot to learn Danny boy. Luckily for you I am here to teach you," he tells me. If I think about it there is some truth to it. Out of all of them Dylan seems to be the one I can relate to the most. He's 5 months younger than me and he's not been in the gang for that long either, so he'll have more of an understanding of the struggle that I am going through right now. "Thanks Dylan," I tell him. I was already dressed, but I had no shoes. I had a backpack with some of my old clothes, but we realized they were too broken to be worn anymore so I was given a whole new wardrobe. The only thing missing was new shoes, I knew some had been ordered but I didn't know if they had arrived or not yet. Dylan was also dressed and ready to go.

"Right I think these red vans are yours," Dylan says, bringing the shoe box to me. I look at the box to see they are my size. I take them out the box and put them on. They fit really well and were super comfortable. I haven't had new shoes since I was a child just before I was taken, I was always given hand me downs. I never felt like I had owned anything until now. It's really weird to get used to something new after being so used to things going a different way. Luckily, it seems that I am able to adapt somewhat easily. Dylan hands me a jacket which I am guessing is George's based on how little it fits me. It is warm and comfortable though.

"Right I think we need to see if Target has any jackets which are closer to your size than George's. He said he doesn't mind lending you his until we find you a new one, but it would be more comfortable for you if you had one that is yours," Dylan says. It was like he was reading my mind. Again why do these people seem to have that ability? I must have joined a gang that is full of superheroes. This is where I need some of my sanity back because I am surely going insane. "Yeah I had a jacket from back when I was in the Irish Warriors, but after so many missions it became destroyed," I tell him. There are a few things about my old life that I can feel comfortable saying without going into the traumatic details which still haunt me.

"Fair enough. You'll get used to it eventually though, we go through a lot too especially when we get into fights with rival gangs," Dylan says. I never really had much experience with rival gangs before as we had always been told to stay away from them since they never really taught us how to fight well enough to hold off the rivals. I could see what Dylan meant when he opened the coat closet and there were a couple of coats with the tags from the store still attached. I wondered why they didn't spend more money on higher quality ones, but then again if they were going to end up ruined then there was no point. I panic slightly as we get near the front door.

Does he intend me to have an idea where we live, or do I have to wait until I'm officially in the gang? "Don't worry Danny, George said that it is fine for you to get an idea of where we are. Once you're comfortable with the area you'll be able to drive wherever you want," Dylan says. I haven't told any of them that I can't drive, but maybe they know already since they seem to know Vincent and Leo quite well from what I have heard from both sides. I suppose telling Dylan now won't do any harm. "As nice as that sounds I uh don't know how to drive yet," I tell him. The feeling of shame and embarrassment hit me quickly and I wasn't prepared.

"Well there is no need to worry about that Danny. I'll teach you, or if I can't then one of the others will. I'll explain the basics when we are in the car since we all drive automatics. I think you'll pick it up easily," Dylan says. I am surprised that he has that much faith in me, I'll be honest. I have heard of how easy automatic cars are to drive since those that went out to get our food back in the day always complained about it. "Okay as long as I don't have to be in the driver's seat today. I'm too scared that I'll crash the car," I'll tell him. Dylan took this in his stride again and told me that I didn't have to worry since today will be an introduction to the cars and that he will work out the lesson side of things later.

The drive to Target was good. I learned pretty much everything I need to know right now about how to make the car go. There are other things I need to know like the highway code and things about the area and how to refill the fuel tank. Those things will come to me as and when they are deemed necessary. I felt so overwhelmed when I walked into Target though. The store is absolutely massive, and I am glad that Dylan is by my side throughout all this. I just hope that it doesn't show how nervous I really am. People might think I've been kidnapped or something. "You push the cart and follow me," Dylan whispers, and I do as instructed.

I find it a lot easier to follow Dylan around as he knew where to go and what we needed. He even asked me what kinds of snacks and things I wanted which was new to me. No one cared about what I wanted before. We even got me a new denim jacket and a leather one in my size so I can give George his jacket back. When it was time to go and pay for everything I followed Dylan's lead again and I unloaded everything onto the conveyor and then packed it into bags at the other end. I would like to think that everything is going well with my first trip out into the city. Dylan seemed happy which I think is a good indication of how it has gone.

"I am very impressed Danny. Despite all of your concerns you did incredible, it was like you were born for this," Dylan says, when we get back to the car. I have heard a few times that I am the type of person who can easily adapt to the situations around them. Yeah there have been a few struggles, but I have been alright otherwise. I'm getting along really well with the other guys and I am getting used to the layout of the house. It's just sleeping and accepting the independence I now have which has taken more to get used to than I was expecting. I thought I was going to have a completely different life than the one I am now living. I didn't expect to be told that I can go anywhere I want.

"Thanks Dylan. I am glad I have you guys to help me with all of this. I have lived in Los Angeles my whole life and since the age of seven I have never really had a chance to independently explore it all," I tell him. It shocked Dylan, but from what I had been told it was because they had all lived normal happy childhoods and formed the gang when they turned eighteen. "We are definitely going to change that for you Danny. It's not fair that your uncle ruined things for you that we have all taken for granted," Dylan says. This was all happening on the drive home and I saw that he had a tighter grip on the steering wheel now.

We both stayed quiet the rest of the way home and started talking again when we carried the groceries in. We were only talking about what Dylan planned making for lunch which was going to be a turkey, lettuce, and mayo sandwich. I am happy with anything made to be honest. I'm not expecting fancy meals all the time like the ones I had on my first day here. We always had sandwiches when we were in the Irish Warriors since we had plenty of bread and we had to make everything last a long time because we were never really cared about enough. George walked in when we were in the middle of eating our lunch and looked amused. Dylan seemed to be in on it too and I felt a bit clueless. "That jacket suits you," George says.

Oh I am still wearing the jacket I am borrowing from George. It was warm and comfortable and didn't bother taking it off. "Thanks, it's comfy," I tell him, and he chuckles. I didn't want to mention how cozy I felt in it. I am sure they can see for themselves. I did take it off after lunch though because I had become a little too warm. "Do any of the Irish Warriors know how to drive?" George asks me, it was just the two of us in my room. I had been given a sketchbook which is what I have been spending most of my time using. "Nope, they thought it wasn't a skill that we needed to know. We were always either dropped off at the location and picked up again or we walked. I think that they were worried we were going to leave, they would always drive around wherever we were," I tell him.

"Definitely sounds like Patrick has a bad case of paranoia. Not sure why though because I don't think he'd let any of you get that close where you could attempt to kill him," George says. He's right, after Patrick brought us in and dealt with all the paperwork and things to keep the police and child protective services off his back we barely saw him. I didn't even see him before I left. The most I saw of him was the first year since it took that like for everyone to be satisfied we were going to be at risk of anything. If they knew what actually went on we would have been taken by CPS and gone through the painful care system. They won't get many adoptive parents after a certain age.

"Yeah I think that he must have been on drugs or something," I tell him. I flick through the sketch book as I close it, but George stops me on a certain page he had interest in. It was the drawing of my perspective of the day my parents died. I let him have a look at it. I only drew it because I had heard that it would help get over some of the trauma I still have over that day. I still get nightmares every now and then. "As an adult looking at something like that is hard enough I couldn't possibly imagine what it would be like through the eyes and mums of a child," George says. It's the only thing that I remember of my childhood. I don't have many memories of the good times.

"It keeps me awake sometimes. I had no idea why these men were in the house or why they did everything they did afterward. It was only when I saw my uncle get tortured to pay what he owed did I finally understand," I tell him. I didn't know why but I felt that I could confidently say what I feel around him. He just had this vibe around him that I was safe. "I can understand that. It's got to be hard and we're all here. You can come and talk to me whenever you need whatever time of night," George says. I might not take him up on it every time, but at least I know that the offer is there when I need it. "Thanks George," I tell him, and he ruffles my hair. I need a haircut soon, but I don't know where to go to get it.

I'll have to find out soon I'm getting the opportunity to have some independence and I might as well take full advantage. "Oh and from tomorrow we'll get your learners permit and get you on these roads," George says. Dylan must have told him about that earlier. At least I can learn how though. I might as well start learning about the highway code tonight so at least I have a bit of an idea of what I'm getting into. I don't like going into something without knowing what is going on. I know that I had no idea what was going on when I was being taken, but this has been the only nice unknown. I have too many scars from all of the times where it has gone wrong, and I have almost lost my life.

"Thanks George," I tell him, he smiles as if to say you're welcome then leaves my room. There's not much time before dinner is going to be made and I'm not in the mood for drawing anymore, but at the same time I don't want to go downstairs just yet. I love the guys' company so far don't get me wrong, but I like some alone time too. Talking about those drawings even though it was brief brought up a lot of bad memories for me that I am not quite yet ready to deal with. I wasn't really paying much attention because soon enough I sent myself into a panic attack and found myself curled up in the furthest and darkest corner of my room. I couldn't make a sound to let anyone know I was there or needed any help. I couldn't breathe.

My chest got tighter and tighter and I thought it was going to explode. I can't see everything is just so blurry. I try and wipe my eyes, but I'm physically trembling all over. I thought a washing machine was on, but it is the sound of my blood passing through my ears. I was at a comfortable temperature before but now the room is hot, and I am hot and sweaty. I always wanted to know what death felt like, and maybe this is finally it. I imagined death so much it feels like a memory a very distant and faded memory, but there none the less. Each breath I tried to take became even more difficult as the seconds pass. Jordon was the one who found me. It felt like hours had passed but in reality it was probably more like a few minutes.

"Hey Danny, it's going to be okay. I'm right here," he tells me, as he reaches out and takes hold of my shaking hands. I try and make eye contact in the hopes that seeing him will help my body realize that I am safe. Jordon goes through a breathing exercise with me and eventually I start calming down. By this point I noticed that George was there looking on with a lot of concern on his face. Once I was completely calm I let Jordon give me a hug and I just melted in the comfort. I could feel George's hand on my back, at first rubbing it then drawing small circles. "I'm sorry Danny, I shouldn't have asked about the picture," George says, and I shake my head.

"Not your fault. It was bound to happen eventually. This is the first time in my life that I've had the chance to actually think about what happened and processes it all," I tell him. I'm not sure how much of my past Jordon knows about but he'll know eventually. They will all know eventually. I'm not going to hide from the horror that I have been through even if it means that I take a now rival gang down with me. No child deserves to go through the pain I went through. "I guess so. Anyway Dylan wanted to know what you wanted for dinner," Jordon says. I could tell that he was confused, but I'm going to leave it up to George to tell him about it. The less that I have to bring it up the better I think. Once I've found a healthy way to deal with the trauma I never want to talk about it again.

I don't even know what I want for dinner and I think they could see it. "Don't worry Danny we can always let Dylan decide and if you don't want it we can make something else later. You don't have to eat now if you're not hungry," George says. It is fair enough, but I don't know if I am hungry or not yet. We still have another half an hour before dinner is actually ready. I go to the bathroom to splash my face with some cold water to make it look like I had not spent time crying. Jordon had followed me in but kept his distance and gave me some space. I looked at him when I was done. "Wanna come watch some cartoons with me? You don't have to, but it might help?" Jordon suggests. I think it might help, something to distract my mind.

I follow him down to the living room and sit next to him on the couch. Dylan and George were talking about dinner. They mentioned something about it being simple tonight and that I wasn't sure if I wanted dinner or not yet. Jordon put Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on, and I was quickly finding myself enjoying it and tuning out the world around me. I didn't want to focus on anything else as I am calm, and the horrible memories of the past are slowly going back to the dark corner of my mind. That's where they are going to stay until the next time my past is brought up again. I didn't even notice that there was someone new in the room until after an episode had finished.

"Danny I'd like you to meet Asia, my girlfriend," George says, and we both smile at each other. We talk during the next episode to get to know each other and she's very nice. She's going to be moving in soon. Jordon had his arm around my shoulders, and I leaned into the comfort. Both older men were relieved to see that I am completely relaxed and calm. Dylan even walked in to check on me in the middle of cooking dinner. He said that we are going to have his famous macaroni and cheese and my stomach liked the sound of it. I'm definitely hungry which is a good thing. Now to just relax in the meantime and wait for dinner to be ready.

When dinner was ready Dylan wanted me to sit next to him which was also next to Matthew. I'm friends with them all, but I understand that he needs his space because he feels really guilty about what happened and it's a huge change to have me in the picture now with my own issues. Matthew doesn't talk to me much, but we all made small talk while we were eating the mac and cheese. It was so good, the best thing I had ever tasted in my life. Towards the end of the meal I could tell Matthew was getting a little bit agitated and he stormed out of the room when dinner was done with. The others were shocked by this which worried me, but Dylan squeezes my arm. "It's not your fault Danny, Matthew is going through a lot of stress," Dylan tells me.

"Don't worry Danny. Don't take anything Matthew says and does personally. Like Dylan said, Matt's going through a lot right now and his way of coping with it is to basically ignore us," George says, and I slowly start believing him. They have to be right; they know Matthew the best compared with me since they have been around him longer. I suppose I should be used to that considering that I have been ignored for most of my life. I'd often take the blame for things that I probably shouldn't have done because growing up I thought all of the failures that had happened around me were because of me. My parents died and I didn't, my uncle got beaten up and I didn't. The list could go on and on for years if I had thought about it too much.

After a while socializing with the guys, I decided that I was tired enough to attempt to get some sleep. I said goodnight and got goodnights from all of them. George even repeated his offer for me to have him stay with me. It was in private and I saw Asia smiling at me. I don't know how much she knows about my life, but I will let George disclose whatever he decides she needs to know about me. I decided to decline the offer, because I wanted George to spend as much of that quality time with his girlfriend that he can. I will probably sleep fine, if not I will find a way to deal with it that doesn't involve me relying on the guys too much.

And that's the end of another chapter. Hope you enjoyed and see you next time.

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