UnbeatableSG: Guess who just got turned into an actual #squirrel!
Starkmantony: Is...is that a good thing?
UnbeatableSG: Squirrels are the greatest! Of course it's a good thing!
ASpiderCan: One time I had a dream that I turned into a spider
ASpiderCan: But then I got stepped on and I woke up
ASpiderCan: It wasn't a good experience tbh would not recommend
UnbeatableSG: Luckily I have great friends to help keep me safe! Very thankful for SewWithTheFlow and YoItsTippyToe!
YoItsTippyToe: chrrt chk chuk chritt!
UnbeatableSG: Guess who can now rotate her ankles 180 degrees and more efficiently climb down trees!
SewWithTheFlow: Don't get too comfortable. You can't stay a squirrel forever.
UnbeatableSG: Don't worry! I will absolutely for sure definitely be back to normal before class on Monday!
Doreen was not back to normal before class on Monday. She and her friends struggled all weekend to transform Doreen back, but to no avail. They'd tried reconstructing Mary's Atomic Blaster 8311; they'd tried creating a new device; they'd even tried contacting Loki, but he was apparently unavailable (Even when Nancy asked for him, so he must have truly been busy).
At least they'd learned -- through meticulous use of the scientific method -- that Tippy Toe couldn't turn more people into squirrels by biting them. Tippy was very disappointed by this, and Doreen overheard her talking to Mary about trying again to make Super Squirrel a thing. Tomas, however, was grateful to still be human, despite his affinity for similar rodents.
Admittedly, Doreen's weekend wasn't full of work and focus. She took many breaks to play with the other squirrels, climb trees, and just run through the grass at the park. She and Tippy had buried so many acorns, any subsequent visit to the park was sure to be full of snacks! She'd also taken the time to do her homework, despite the fact that she had to crawl across the keyboard to type. She was eternally grateful that keyboards had two "shift" keys.
But all of these breaks and distractions meant that she wasn't fully focused on her current dilemma. Nancy had repeatedly told Doreen that she should be trying to get back to normal, even going so far as threatening to stuff her in her backpack and forcing her to attend class. Doreen always insisted that everything would be fine. And anyway, shouldn't Mary be the one to find the solution? She was the cause of the situation.
Nancy always retorted with the fact that even though it was Mary's actions, it was Doreen's life, and she had to find a way to deal with it.
So Doreen awoke Monday morning still in the body of a squirrel.
"Wake up, sleepyhead, we have to get to class," Nancy said from the doorway.
"Ugh, can't I miss just one day?" Doreen groaned, rolling over on her pillow. "I already read the material, and I'm still a squirrel!"
Nancy smirked. "If you didn't want to go to school as a squirrel, you shouldn't have taken so many breaks. Besides, you didn't think this would be a problem yesterday."
"...Fine," Doreen ceded. "But half the teachers might not even let me in. They told me squirrels weren't allowed in class when I tried to bring Tippy that one time."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," Nancy said. "But you're actually a paying student. They have to let you in."
"Kind of paying. I have a scholarship," Doreen corrected.
"Registered student, then," amended Nancy. "Whatever. You're still coming to class with me."
"How will we even explain this?" Doreen asked.
"This is New York," Nancy said. "Besides everyone already knows I'm friends with Squirrel Girl. And both of us have been caught talking to squirrels. It shouldn't be that hard to explain."
Doreen groaned again, having run out of excuses.
"Only if you carry my backpack for me," Doreen said.
Nancy chuckled. "I wasn't expecting you to do it. Can you even lift your laptop now?"
"No," Doreen huffed, remembering her unfortunate attempt to carry a peanut butter jar yesterday. "Squirrels are strong, but a laptop weighs a lot more than I do right now." She shouldn't have started thinking about that peanut butter jar; now she really wanted peanut butter.
Nancy reached out her hand and petted Doreen behind the ears. Doreen preened, and then climbed onto Nancy's shoulder when the petting ceased.
"I'll get us both some breakfast and fix your bow. Then we can get to class. Make sure your backpack isn't missing anything while I get dressed."
Doreen agreed, and soon they were headed to class. Nancy carried both backpacks, one on each shoulder. Doreen sat in the side pocket of her own backpack, the pocket designed to comfortably hold waterbottles.
"Thanks for carrying everything, Nancy," Doreen said. "I'm sure it must be heavy since you don't have super strength. Like, normally it's hard for me to judge, but now that I can't carry anything, I have a lot more sympathy for people who don't have super squirrel powers."
"It's not bad. I took all the unnecessary stuff out of mine. And going crime-fighting with you has helped me get strong," Nancy replied.
Doreen smiled. "I think bad guys are more scared of you now than me!"
Nancy laughed. "That's only because you're too adorable to look like a threat, and I don't care for anyone's nonsense."
"Of course I'm adorable! I'm a squirrel!" Doreen's chest was proudly puffed, and her tail was curled delicately over the side of the pocket.
"I was talking about your human self," Nancy laughed. "But you do make an adorable squirrel." She reached over to stroke Doreen's head.
The walk to school was nice, but it ended too soon, and they had to enter class. Nancy set up Doreen's stuff in the seat next to her, and Doreen took her postition atop her desk at the keyboard of her laptop. The professor scowled upon seeing her. "Miss Whitehead, squirrels are not allowed in my classroom, and haven't I already had this conversation with Miss Green?"
"But that's not a squirrel," said Nancy. "That's Doreen."
Doreen waved in the hopes of getting into his good favor. Also in the hopes of looking adorable. In her experience, adorable-ness helped people get what they wanted.
The professor pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. A long, ragged sigh that managed to lament his lot in life while simultaneously admitting his acceptance. "Alright, but this is the only exception. Animals who aren't actually students are not allowed in this class." Only Doreen heard the quiet grumble afterward: "This is what I get for choosing to teach in New York."
Doreen pressed the button to turn on her laptop and dutifully listened to the professor. She tried to take notes, but her typing speed was much slower than normal. It wasn't her fault that the keyboard was as big as herself! And she definitely caught the student behind her staring at her attempts to type. Her notes were far less informative than normal, so she hoped she wouldn't miss anything when studying them later.
The professor tried to ignore the Actual Squirrel in his class for the majority of the lecture. But then came time for questions and discussion at the end.
And Doreen had always been one of the best participants in class discussions.
And everyone knew it.
The class waited with baited breath as her squirrel paw raised in the air, ready to start the discussion as usual. No other hands were raised.
The professor sighed as he was forced to stop ignoring her and said, "Miss Green?"
Doreen shared her thoughts in the squeaks of Squirrelese, looking to Nancy to translate.
Nancy began repeating Doreen's question and then stumbled. "Doreen, I honestly have no idea what you just said. Computer terms never came up in my Squirrelese lessons."
Doreen tried again.
"Sorry, Doreen, but I'm not a native speaker. And repeating the question won't make me magically understand you. Maybe you should just let other people talk this time?"
Doreen huffed and crossed her arms. Other students watched the exchange in silence, and then slowly returned their attention to the class discussion.
Doreen began to type, causing the discussion to halt for another second. She finished what she was doing and then told Nancy to read her questions for the professor. Class somewhat proceeded as normal for the remaining five minutes, aside from Nancy participating on behalf of Doreen.
Despite being a squirrel, Doreen tried to make the day proceed as normally as possible. But each professor had a different reaction to Doreen's transformation, and none were positive. One class was missed almost entirely after the revelation that one of the other students had a severe phobia of squirrels and other rodents. Doreen left while Nancy stayed behind to take notes for them both.
She grumbled as she traversed the campus halls, wishing she had a can to kick, and then wishing she had an itty bitty squirrel-sized can to kick. Then she got distracted thinking about how adorable itty bitty sodas would be, until an oblivious student nearly kicked her.
Doreen ran the rest of the way to the entrance and fled the building.
Tippy Toe had been waiting outside for her. Upon seeing her best squirrel friend, Doreen forgot her disappointment about being exempted from class, and the two played together as they wandered in the general direction toward home.
"I don't want to go back to school for my last class, but I don't have a way to tell Nancy since she has my phone," Doreen confessed.
"Then let's go to Tomas and Ken's place. They can message her for you," Tippy Toe suggested.
"Good idea!" Doreen said. "Hopefully at least one of them is home. I don't think either of them has class right now."
The two squirrels changed direction to meet up with their friends. Before they even reached their destination, they saw Ken walking along the sidewalk, and quickly caught up to him.
"Hey, Doreen. Hey, Tippy Toe," Ken greeted upon seeing them.
"Hi, Ken!" Doreen returned. "I was just looking for you! Would you mind texting Nancy that I won't be back for the last class?"
"Oh, shore," said Ken in a way Doreen knew he was making a terrible pun. He immediately retrieved his phone and sent the text.
"So what are you planning to do, if not class?"
Doreen tried to shrug before remembering half her weight was resting on her front paws. After nearly successfully hiding her stumble, she answered, "I don't know. I wanted to get started on my homework, but Nancy still has my laptop."
Ken said, "In that case, why dont you join me for patrol? I was just about to meet up with Tomas."
Doreen beamed. "That sounds awesome! I haven't been on a patrol all weekend! I've been too busy trying to find a way to turn back human."
Ken returned his phone to his pocket and gently grabbed both squirrels, allowing them to climb comfortably to his shoulders. He walked the rest of the way home, where Tomas and Mary were already waiting for him. Ken dropped his backpack and the squirrels at the entrance, then began taking off his civilian clothes to reveal his hero costume underneath.
Tomas was already changed, and Mary, as always, wore her regular clothes.
"Hey, Doreen," Mary approached her and stroked the fur behind her ears. "Sorry I haven't figured out how to change you back yet. I still don't know what happened with the Atomic Blaster. It was just supposed to give Tippy super strength."
"That's alright, Mary! Being a squirrel is awesome! Well, there are a few downsides, like not being understood by most people. But the way you're petting me feels fantastic!"
"I'm glad you're enjoying it, at least," Mary said. "Honestly, I'm glad you came into that lab at the last second. I don't think I'd enjoy being a squirrel as much."
Doreen grinned. "You'd be awesome as a squirrel! I can just imagine you breaking into highly secure facilities and learning all their secrets!"
"I've changed my mind; being a squirrel would have it's uses," Mary mused.
"But we shouldn't try use the blaster again until we find out how to reverse it."
"I wasn't going to! I'd still rather be a human than a squirrel!" Mary said. "I wonder if using the blaster on a human would have the same effect."
"You mean turning people into squirrels?" Doreen asked, imagining herself carrying a Squirrel-Ray into battles with her.
Mary shook her head. "No, causing a human bite to turn an animal into a human."
"For the sake of ethics and the animals, probably don't test it," Doreen said.
"It's just hypothetical!" Mary defended.
That was when the boys were ready to leave, so the whole group exited the apartment, Doreen and Tippy on Koi Boi's and Chipmunk Hunk's shoulders respectively.
The first few blocks of their patrol were relatively uneventful. They helped an old man with shaky hands get his key into the lock on his car. They helped a young woman carry groceries into her building. And they rescued a young boy from the street to avoid an oncoming car. But there were no major incidences, and nothing that Doreen could even help with.
"What's wrong, Doreen?" Tippy asked.
"I just feel kind of useless," Doreen admitted. "Everything I helped with just seemed to make everything worse!"
"That's not true!" Chipmunk Hunk protested.
"Even the grocery sack I tried to carry broke!"
Chipmunk Hunk tilted his head. "That's true. But that little boy was very excited to pet a squirrel who wouldn't run away from him."
"And that old man loved you," added Koi Boi. "Didn't you hear the way he gushed about squirrels being his wife's favorite animal?"
"But I made him trip over me first! And besides, none of that was very heroic," Doreen said.
"It's the little things that make a hero," Chipmunk Hunk said. "Not everyone can stop an alien invasion, but everyone can be a hero in their own way."
Doreen smiled softly. "You sound like somebody I used to know. He would always tell me things like that whenever I felt bad."
"He sounds like a good friend," Koi Boi said.
"He was the best," Doreen smiled.
Suddenly a familiar voice emanated from a construction site. "And to my patrons I'll be releasing special uncut footage from this Epic Crime! Now, let's head inside and see what we find!"
Doreen leapt from Koi Boi's shoulder and rushed to the mediocre villain. Even as a lone squirrel, she knew she could take down EpicCrimez!
"Look at this, followers! The key is in the ignition and everything! Let's take it for a joyride!"
"EpicCrimez! Stop what you're doing!" Doreen shouted as soon as she was near enough to be heard.
EpicCrimez ignored her (or possibly didn't notice her chirps). So Doreen did what any heroic squirrel would do: she jumped straight toward his face. Unfortunately he dodged at the last second, causing her to land on his bicep instead.
EpicCrimez laughed and pointed his phone camera at her. "Apparently the universe is trying to stop these Epic Crimes with a little squirrel!"
"Not just trying to stop you!" Squirrel Girl argued. "I've stopped you before, and I can stop you again now!"
EpicCrimez picked her up by the tail and recorded her squirming for a minute, laughing at her helplessness. Then he tossed her aside and proceeded to climb the steps to the seat of the bulldozer.
Doreen hit the ground hard, and had to spit out the taste of dirt. Her friends entered the construction site as EpicCrimez began to drive. And the bulldozer was headed straight for Doreen.