This chapter contains Season 3 spoilers.

Unfortunately, before Eren could correct everyone's... misconceptions about him, they set out on the expedition beyond the walls. After the Female Titan killed the Levi squad (PETRA NOOO!), events spiraled out of control from there: the Female Titan being revealed to be Annie, Annie being captured - albeit in a crystal, Wall Rose supposedly breaking, the fight at the castle, Reiner and Bertholdt being revealed to be the Armored and Colossal Titan, Eren somehow commanding all those Titans, the Levi squad being hunted, and so on.

Throughout it all, the whole situation slipped from everyone's minds; they were more preoccupied about, well, the fate of humanity and whatnot.

Until finally, we arrive at the events where the Levi Squad just captured the two Military Police officers, Marlowe and Hitch.

The interaction went a bit differently than what Levi had expected.

"OH GOD!" Hitch screamed the moment Levi began talking. "PLEASE, WE'RE SORRY. JUST KILL US. OH GOD, JUST KILL US, PLEASE!"

"HAVE MERCY AND JUST END OUR LIVES!" Marlowe begged.

The two were kneeling on their knees in front of the flowing river, their hands bound in ropes.

"What are you talking about?" Levi scowled as he walked towards Marlowe intimidatingly. "We'll release you both after we get out of here - "

Marlowe shrieked in fear. "NO! STAY AWAY! I'M NOT GAY!"

Complete silence.

"What was that?" Levi said flatly, hoping that he had just heard wrong.

"The sexual beast Captain Levi," Hitch whispered, trembling in terror. "A verified sadist who gets off on causing pain to others. Enjoys BDSM and torture play. Has a habit of luring his prey to his lair and having his wicked way with them."

Levi took a deep, calming breath, pinching the bridge of his nose tightly. "That's - "

" - absolutely true, yes," Jean interjected. "However, I give you my word that your anal virginity will remain safe as long as you cooperate."

"Oi."

"Really?" Marlowe asked, looking at Jean as if he was some divine figure here to save him.

"Really," Jean nodded determinedly.

"Oi."

Mikasa turned away, trying to stifle her laughter.

"I don't know," Hitch said. "I want to believe you, but these ropes..." she looked down at the ropes binding her hands. "Don't you think he's getting turned on by them?" she whispered. "He's probably trying to restrain himself right now, but sooner or later, he'll snap and then - "

"OI!" Levi finally shouted. "I'm not - not whatever you think I am!"

"Don't worry, Captain Levi," Jean rested his hand on Levi's shoulder. "We won't judge you."

"And how the hell does the MILITARY POLICE know about this?"

Rumors spread fast, far, and wide.

XxX

"No," Levi said flatly. "I'm not helping you torture that Military Police. Who knows what idiotic rumors will spread if I do that."

"Ah, trying to keep things professional, huh? No work in the bedroom?" Hange smirked.

"I hate you."

XxX

"Yo, Levi," Kenny grinned. "You absolute sicko. I heard what you did to those two boys. Can't say I approve, but... well, from what I heard, your mom was into some pretty freaky shit too, so I guess it's to be expected - "

"I'll fucking kill you."

"For the record though? I'm responsible for none of it. I just taught you how to kill and steal - the fun stuff. All your weird fetishes and shit - that's on you."

XxX

"PROTECT EREN FROM LEVI!" Historia screamed the moment Levi came into view, trying to shield Eren's body.

It took Levi a moment to realize that it was because Eren was currently shirtless, bound in chains in the cave underneath the Reiss estate.

"Oi," he muttered. "Are you serious?"

"I'LL HOLD HIM BACK!" Jean screamed. "JUST FREE EREN, QUICKLY, BEFORE THE CAPTAIN'S URGES OVERCOME HIM!"

"You have got to be kidding me."

XxX

Even after the coup was successful and they prepared to take back Shiganshina, the rumors spread to pretty much every part of the Survey Corps, Garrison, and Military Police. Despite Eren, Armin, and Levi's heavy objections, nobody really believed them. Much to Mikasa's amusement.

The Shiganshina mission proceeded - well, catastrophically. Everything that could've gone wrong, went wrong.

And here they were now, Erwin leading a suicide charge against the Beast Titan as Levi stealthily approached from the side.

XxX

Hm? What's this? My Titans were defeated?

Zeke Yeager blinked, momentarily confused as a grappling hook shot into his shoulder and a human came bursting out of the green smoke. He quickly overcame his confusion, roaring as he punched at the human.

His arm was ripped to shreds.

Huh?

His mind flashed back to a conversation he'd had with Reiner and Bertholdt.

"There's one soldier I should be wary of?" Zeke asked.

"Yes. Captain Levi is dangerous," Reiner answered. "In more ways than one."

This man's skill...

Is this Levi?

The following fight couldn't really be called a fight; it was more of a one-sided massacre. Levi completely destroyed Zeke, systematically taking him down until finally, Zeke found himself with Levi's sword in his mouth.

Sword in his mouth...

"In more ways than one? What do you mean?"

Reiner shared an uncomfortable look with Bertholdt. "Well... On top of being humanity's strongest soldier, Captain Levi is also a remorseless sadist who enjoys BDSM and torture. I only shudder to think what he would do to his enemies. If you ever get captured by Captain Levi... just pray for death. For I fear what he would do to you otherwise."

For the average human, this would already be terrifying enough.

For Zeke Yeager, a Titan shifter who could regenerate even if his limbs - or something even more precious - were cut off?

He quite nearly pissed himself at the thought.

"MMMM" Zeke yelled, thrashing around, his eyes filling with pure, unadulterated fear.

"Huh? Are you really this pathetic? You just killed all my comrades like it was some game, but you're scared just because I cut off your arms and shoved my sword into your mouth?" Levi asked contemptuously. "Well? Answer me!" he removed his sword from Zeke's mouth, waiting for Zeke to reply.

Zeke coughed heavily before glancing up at Levi once more.

From this angle, he truly looked like a demon.

The fear in Zeke's eyes slowly turned into resignation.

He had lost.

"I have only one request," Zeke croaked out. "I can handle stuff up my ass, but please, leave my penis out of things. If you possess any semblance of honor as a man, I'm sure you'll respect my wish."

"... what the fuck?!"

Levi was almost glad when the Cart Titan came and snatched Zeke away.

Almost.

... yeah, I'm just coping with the manga by writing crack lol.

Thanks for reading!

euphoric