It's been another year in the oh-so-wonderful Japanese brainwashing detenti-*cough* schooling system and holy sweet mother of fucking dog shit teenagers are even more braindead this time around. That is including the student populous and my own dear, dumbass, brother.

You see, I've been trying to get Issei away from the lovely path of being on the sex-offender registry, but tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumbass (didn't bother to learn their names) kept dragging my brother onto their "adventures". In typical teenager fashion, they wouldn't shut the fuck up at the first little pinprick of titty.

So here I am, treating my brother for the upteenth time, trying to ignore the fact that those cunts in the kendo club committed assault with a deadly weapon, and that they would get away with it because of supposed "karma" and the court of public opinion. Soon enough, like the cockroach my dear younger brother is, he'll get back up like it's nothing and get convinced to do the same shit all over again. Such is life.

Enough about my brother, I see you want an update about my super interesting life (no I don-) yes you fucking do, I'm telling away.

In the beginning of my first year, since Issei and I were identical twins and we were only looking more and more alike, I got caught up in stupid bullshit half the time. In dumbass adolescent logic, since I was the self-proclaimed harem king's brother, then I must be just as big of a pervert, right? That line of thinking right there killed my non-existent social credit score (please don't hurt me Xi Jinping).

Thankfully, by the time I entered high school, I had seen enough stupid and weird bullshit in this animeland that I could make like Diogenes and not give a fuck. Now I hide in the background, creeping around like a 20's dentist with ether, the most PR friendly face one could adopt.

I finish treating my dear brother's wounds and soon enough, we get home. I work on my homework, easy as usual, have the best damn katsudon for dinner (love you mom), and go to sleep before I have to hear Issei choke his chicken with a kung-fu grip over the LOUD-ASS hentai he is playing all the time.

Another day accomplished, time to start the next one.

As my favorite content creator of my past life used to say: let's do this shit!

~Age: 17 years, Class 2-B homeroom, Kuoh Academy~

Another day charlie brown's teacher trumpets useless shit into our collective brains. Another day the same dumbasses that surround us whisper around so fucking loud that the hall could hear it.

"Have you heard? Those perverts peeked at the kendo club yesterday!" No shit Sherlock, I dealt with the aftermath.

"Ewww!" That would have worked if Issei didn't lose his sense of shame at the young age of 6.

"And I saw him talking to that creep Iyahiro-san." Oi, he's my brother you dumb bitch, of course I'm gonna talk to him, I'm not a psychopath despite all your claims.

"That guy? I heard he's just as perverted as the trio." You didn't hear shit.

"Really!"

"Yeah, all he does is just sit around and scowl at people with his creepy, dead eyes." I have insomnia so I have pretty big bags under my eyes; probably a remnant of the trauma of infant-hood.

Rationality eventually kicks in and I ignore the rest of the conversation before I tell off those cunts for shit-talking my brother. After I go through the usual routine of school, I see that the tweedle brothers are approaching mine.

Oh no you fucking don't.

I grabbed Issei by his shirt and haul ass towards the courtyard before they even have a chance in hell of bringing him into their dumb fucking shenanigans. In a very anime-esque fashion, Issei stares off into the distance toward the old school building, probably having an internal monologue about the wonders of tits and how evil I am by dragging him away from such glory.

I look where he is looking and in the window I see… Lisa? Riana? Lias? Gregory-senpai? Whatever her name is… she was there. Apparently in this high school, she was hot shit, and I could see why: big tits, vaguely Scandinavian looks, whats not there to love. Besides that, I don't understand why the student populous thinks she is the second coming (heh) of Christ. Maybe she's an idol or something, I don't know.

I continued dragging Issei before he gets any funny ideas, particularly ones about a certain part of the female anatomy.

Issei then walks ahead of me on the way home, eager to go do whatever catches his monkey brain at that moment. I catch up to him talking to some girl on the bridge.

"Please go out with me!"

…

What?

Fucking what?

…

How?

Actually, who the fuck are you, girl? I literally never seen you before, did you like move in the last day. Is this how relationships work in this world, two people look at each other and they're suddenly husband and wife.

Is this a prank? Is Issei getting punked?

Issei stands there, slack-jawed like an idiot, just like me.

"Hyoudou-kun! I love you! Please go out with me!"

Of course, in true Issei fashion when faced with a pair of tits, he immediately accepts a date without thinking. Typical. The girl leaves, unknowing what she had brought upon herself and the world. Time, ask some questions.

"uh… Issei? Who the fuck was that?"

"That was uh… Yuuma-chan! She's my girlfriend!" I haven't seen him this excited since he discovered a pile of hentai manga under this very bridge.

"When did you uh... meet her?"

"Today," not good… not good at all.

The more I think about this situation, the more I am convinced that this was a prank by Yuuma. No way in hell does my dumbass brother get a girlfriend after like 50 seconds of conversation, regardless of luck.

"You know she could be fucking with you, right?" I glance around for hidden cameras, none.

"What?" Holy McFucking Shit! Did you not think of the possibil- of course you didn't, classic Issei.

"Okay… Issei, why would some random girl come out of nowhere just to ask you out, especially when the entire town knows your reputation?" Come on, think damn it, take the fucking hint.

"Why do you ask?" For fuck sakes Issei!

"She's fucking with you! You getting pranked! If you haven't noticed, you are apparently an acceptable target in the court of public opinion."

"C'mon nii-san, you're just jealous!"

"I'm not fucking jealous, I'm scared for you. You keep getting played like a damn fiddle by everyone around here."

"Why do you always see the worst in people!?"

"Because I see it everywhere, Issei. I see it hurt you all the fucking time and I fucking hate it. Your "friends" constantly take advantage of you on your "adventures" and they leave you as a scapegoat. You get beat the shit out of by those cunts in the kendo club and I have to treat your wounds every week." I feel something in my eyes. "I'm tired of seeing it… I'm tired of seeing the only people I care about in the world get hurt all the time."

I feel arms wrapped around my sides and back.

"Nii-san…"

I'm supposed to be the one comforting you, not the other way around.

"...You're a good person, Ise-kun… I just want you to be careful"

"hmph"

After a few more minutes, Issei breaks the hug.

"Alright, how about this, you come along with us." Issei offers.

That… actually is a good idea for once. If she's genuine, nothing is wrong and I get to spend the day having fun with my brother and his newfound love. If she's a lying hoe (which she most likely is), the I could go all R. Lee Ermey on her ass for fucking with family.

"Sounds like a plan. If there's anything you need, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask, okay?"

"Okay,"

~5:00 pm. Kuoh Central Plaza~

Sunday has arrived quicker than I thought possible and Issei is vibrating like a broken washing machine. Mom and dad got us looking presentable and even though I won't be present for a good bit of time, apparently first impressions are even more important in this shallower world. I drilled Issei in the art of self control, and I like to think he learned to shut the fuck up once in a while since he now has a real chance at getting some "Oppai". Good for him.

A few minutes pass and one Yuuma Amano arrives and chats with Issei, a good sign, a being on time is important and is reflective on their management skills. The lovebirds chat it up while walking down the street while I hang on as the awkward third wheel.

First stop, the Arcade. As usual, Issei absolutely obliterates my ass on every game there and surprisingly, Yuuma managed to keep up with him at certain points. I look at him and he's smiling, not one of those stupid perverted smiles, a genuine one, bright and full of joy.

Next stop, a local ramen stand. Specifically, the one run by Shinzo-san, which serves probably the best goddamn food of all time. His cooking is like crack and I can't get enough of it. Good choice, a happy stomach definitely increases your chances of keeping her. They're both too busy slurping their bowls up to talk to each other but I see that they're both very happy. On our way out, some girl gives Issei and I some fliers… and to be fair, despite it being weird with the "Your wish will be granted" thing, the graphic designer did a damn good job.

Finally, we walk back to the Central plaza where I slighly lag behind just enough to give them some privacy but close enough that I can hear what they're talking about.

When Issei sits down along with Yuuma, I get a chill down my spine. Something is wrong, I don't know what, but this is not good.

Yuuma turns to Issei.

"It sure was fun today." Yuuma comments.

My brother was too busy daydreaming about her to respond to that comment. The colors around the area start to look slightly off, I blink a few times, no change.

"Hey Ise-kun."

This time Issei is broken out of his spell.

"There is something I want to do to celebrate our first date. I-If that is okay with you."

Issei looks like the happiest man alive, I can see tears in his eyes. Something is really fucking wrong, I getting bad vibes from Yuuma. I start walking towards them.

"W-what is it Y-Yuuma-chan?"

Yuuma starts giving Issei some Marshall Applewhite eyes and I start to run like hell. My heart is thumping in my chest and my breathing is rapid.

"Will yo-"

"Sorry, had to go to the bathroom. Was I interrupting anything?" I somehow manage to look like I wasn't shitting myself in fear, thank the spaghetti monster that I am a good actor.

"uh… Y-Yuuma-chan, what were you about to say?" Issei hesitates to ask.

"Will you die for me?"

Whoa! What the fucking fuck!? What did you say bitch?

"You mind repeating that." I interject.

"Will you both die for me?"

FWOOMPH!

Two wings sprout out of her back as she transforms in front of our very eyes, from a high-schooler to a twenty-something. This demented magical girl sequence of course included her clothing, which transformed from a schoolgirl uniform to… are those even clothes. When a spear of light appeared in her hand, I knew it was time to get the fuck going, NOW!

I grabbed a stunned Issei staring at her tits and ran for both of our lives. But it was all for nothing.

Shunk!

I feel a horrible in my stomach and look to see a spear going through Issei's chest through to my torso.

I saw a sight that nobody would be able to recover from, the light of brother's eyes fading.

"Sorry. You were a threat to us, so we decided to get rid of you early." What the fuck! That is the worst excuse possible for killing somebody, especially my brother. I saw red and I didn't know if it was a burst blood vessel or sheer rage at this bitch.

"If you want to hold a grudge, then hate the God who put the Sacred Gear inside both of you." I already hate the bastard for giving me something to care about then taking it away just for me to suffer. But damn it, there won't be a fucking pit in hell that will keep me from you, Bitch!

I rip out the tip of the spear, burning my hand, from my stomach to free me from my brother's corpse. Quick check, no spurting of blood, just bleeding, so it hasn't hit a main artery. I grabbed a pocket knife behind my back that I kept just in case with a death grip of pain and anguish. Yuuma landed and started to walk towards me, preparing another spear.

I bum-rushed the bitch running with reckless abandon, putting everything into my next attack. Catching her by surprise, I got a good stab just below the collarbone. But it was too late, she screamed and thrust her spear into my chest, right into the heart.

I collapse and my vision starts to blur and fade. My final thoughts were of revenge and hatred and the very last thing I saw was a faint red glow of the flier that fell out of my pocket in the corner of my vision.

I'll be back cunt, and there is nothing you can do to stop me!

AN: What will our edgy MC do next? What pseudo-philisophical bullshit will he spew? Will he even live until the next chapter? Find out next time on Dragonball DxD.

Though in all seriousness, I was more emotionally invested into this chapter than the last one. Probably because I have actual dialogue this time, I hope this investment was reflected in my writing. Let me know what you think in the reviews!