CHAPTER 2

Skylar was working in Claire's surgery that day, and at the moment, Marsali had joined them and they were all cleaning used tools as well as empty jars and bowls to be reused for Claire's herbs.

"Have you or Dad heard anything from Murtagh?" Skylar asked the older woman. It had been two weeks since the wedding and two weeks since Jamie had deemed it no longer safe for Murtagh to stay hidden at the Ridge. With Tryon hellbent on having his head and using Jamie to get it, Jamie told him he needed to go and "be hard to find." It was an unbearably difficult decision, but Jamie knew that it was the only way to keep Murtagh safe.

"No, nothing. I doubt we will. I wouldn't be surprised if Tryon is intercepting our mail, and anything even the smallest bit suspicious will be cause for alarm and put Jamie in danger. I pray they don't cross paths while he's with out there with the Redcoats."

The day after Brianna and Roger's wedding, Jamie was told that he was to go along with the Redcoats to enlist soldiers for Tryon's army against the Regulators. They had been gone for a week now and Claire, Skylar and Bree were stressed to say the least about their husband and father being away, and for Murtagh too.

"It's so awful. All Murtagh and the others want is fair taxes. Why is that such a horrendous demand?"

"Because Tryon is a bastard," Marsali said simply.

Claire snickered. "Well put."

Their conversation was interrupted by a flurry of people bursting in. At the front were Brianna and another man carrying in Leith Farrish, another settler from the Ridge.

"Mama, something's wrong with Mr. Farrish," Bree said.

The three women rushed to meet them.

"Marsali, clear this off," Claire instructed, meaning the tray of already cleaned instruments. She did as Claire helped lay Leith onto the table/ "Skylar, get me a pillow." She grabbed one from the bed and brought it back to place under the poor man's head.

"Oh, Lord. Oh, my Lord," his wife muttered in terrible worry. "I canna believe that 'tis come te this. I've been lettin' his blood." Claire rolled up his sleeve and saw the deep cut made from her action. Skylar gagged. Her queasiness from blood had gone down tremendously to where it was almost gone, but once in a while it still hit her; like now. She turned away for just a second to compose herself and then focused back on the patient, waiting for Claire's orders.

His wife continued, "I've given him purgatives. What more could I have done?"

Skylar spoke to the frantic woman, "Claire is going to do everything she can to help him, Mistress Farrish. I promise."

"And that starts with his fever. Mrs. Bug, get me a bowl of cold water, please. We need to cool him down." Skylar took bowl from Mrs. Bug when she came back in and wet a cloth with it to dab on his head on face while Claire examined him. When she pressed on his stomach, he let out a loud groan of pain.

"Mr. Farrish, is it your stomach?" she asked to confirm.

"Like a knife te my gut," he answered, his voice struggling to make a clear sound.

Noticing that the pain seemed to be coming from his right side, Skylar asked, "Could it be his appendix?"

"That's my thought too. Hold him still, Skylar." She firmly held onto his lower torso, careful not to touch the part causing him pain. Claire Grabbed her 18th Century version of a stethoscope and placed it against his chest.

She asked Mrs. Farrish, "You gave him purgatives? How long ago and what, exactly?"

"Two days ago. His belly was swollen and he couldn't eat, so I gave him some calomel powder to rid him of noxious matter."

"But he got worse, so you tried blood letting?" She moved the tool to another part of his chest to listen.

"Aye, and some Blue Mass pills." Claire's head shot up

Skylar could tell from her face that this wasn't what she wanted to hear. "What are Blue Mass pills?"

"Mercury," the doctor told her.

"Omigod," she said under her breath and looked back at the pateint's. She had never been brilliant at science back in her time, but her common knowledge allowed her to understand that Mercury was extremely poisonous.

And who knows how much is in those pills? Oh, Christ. This is so bad.

Mrs. Farrish did not see any issue with what she had done. "Does he need more blood let?" was her only question

"Claire?" Skylar said quietly, wondering if there was any hope for him whatsoever. But the small expression Claire gave her made the answer obvious. She closed her eyes and dropped her head. She let out a low breath and backed away from the table and next to Marsali.

Claire answered the woman's question with a very solemn tone ."No. I'm sorry. There's nothing more I can do, Mrs. Farrish."

Claire's response shocked her into silence for a moment. "You canna help him?" When Claire hesitated to speak, Skylar said to Marsali, "We need to get everyone out of here."

"Aye." She turned to Mr. and Mrs. Bug and the man who helped bring Mr. Farrish in. "Come, let us leave them."

"Bree?" Skylar called to her. She gestured her head to the door and the two left, but Skylar touched Claire's arm first to ask if she needed anything. Claire squeezed her hand quickly in acknowledgment, letting her know she was fine on her own. Skylar then walked into kitchen and closed the doors behind her.

She leaned against the door and sighed, closing her eyes to take a pause and settle from the tragic excitement she just witnessed. When she opened her eyes, she saw that it was just her and Bree in the kitchen.

"Where did everyone else go?" she asked.

"Marsali escorted everyone else outside, and said she was gonna go check in on the boys." Each of their sons was in the care of Lizzie at the moment.

"Oh, okay. Good." She pushed herself from the door and crossed to Bree. "Mercury? What the fuck?"

"No one here knows how dangerous it is. She didn't know any better."

"I know, I know. And that's the worst part. So many people in this time are unnecessarily dying and the treatments they were taught are just making it worse. I wish we could do something."

"But if we were to alter anything, mess with anything here, introduce medicines or whatever, it could have serious consequences for the future."

"But wouldn't it be for the better? The future might turn out different in a good way. Maybe some plagues or diseases wouldn't make their way into the 20th or 21st centuries."

"It's not worth the risk."

Skylar crossed her arms. "God, being a time traveler is hard. Too much responsibility."

Bree chuckled. "You're not wrong."

Skylar glanced down at table and noticed Bree's sketchbook. "Have you been drawing?"

"Oh, um, yeah. Just little sketches."

"Can I see? I haven't seen anything new from you in a while."

"They're, um...the-they're not finished yet. Nothing worth seeing."

"You're your own worst critic, Bree. I bet they're incredible already." Bree just gave thin smile back.

They both looked to door when it opened and saw Claire come out with her arms around Mistress Farrish, who was hysterically sobbing .

"You should sit down, Mrs. Farrish," Claire suggested, trying to console her.

"I can make some tea for you, if you'd like," Skylar offered. She went immediately towards the kettle but she was stopped by the now-widow.

"No, no," the words almost inaudible through her cries. "I-I...I must go and...an-and prepare. Make preparations fer the funeral."

"Surely that can wait a day or two," Claire countered.

But the one in mourning didn't hear her. "I thank ye, Mistress Fraser, fer yer attempt te help him." She turned to the other two young women and gave small curtesy. "Mistress Mackenzie, Mistress Murray." They both curtsied back and Mrs. Farrish sped away, crying all the way out of the house.

Skylar watched her go until she was out of sight. "God, that poor woman. I feel awful."

"If he had come to me just yesterday...if it really was his appendix, it would have been such an easy fix."

Bree went to her and hugged her. "I'm so sorry, Mama. I know how difficult it is for you to lose a patient."

When they separated, Claire let out an exasperated sigh and put her hands on her hips. She turned back to body still on table.

"Do you need help with cleaning up or, um, getting him taken away?" Skylar asked.

"No. no, thank you, darling. I can handle this. If you'll excuse me." She went back into the surgery and closed doors

Skylar and Bree watched her walk around the body and stare at it. She stopped next to him and put hand on her forehead. They could tell she was upset and needed a minute alone.

"We should go," Bree said.

Skylar nodded and they went outside.

The funeral was two days later. In the late morning, several occupants of Fraser's Ridge gathered at the burial spot Mrs. Farrish had picked out to say goodbye. Skylar stood with Claire, Bree, Marsali and Fergus among the gathering. She held Ollie against her, absentmindedly rubbing his back as he stared at his Uncle Roger singing a hymn.

When he was finished and after anyone who wanted to say some words had the chance, a couple of the men began filling the grave. Roger rejoined his family and said quietly to Claire, to be out of earshot to those around them, "If ye need anymore help…"

"Thank you," Claire quickly replied so he wouldn't have to say anything else.

"Help with what?" Skylar questioned.

"Nothing, darling," she told her. "Nothing to be concerned over." She then turned to Marsali and Fergus. "Fergus, would you mind looking after Germain for a little while? I need to speak with Marsali."

"Of course," he answered. He took his son's hand and Marsali went off with Claire. Fergus watched them go. "I hope everything is alright."

"I promise that it is," Skylar assured him. "Claire and I desperately need help in the surgery and, though my issue with blood is a lot better than it used to be, it can still act up, so I can only do so much. Along with the onslaught of minor injuries and sicknesses, it's too much for just two people. Claire told me yesterday that she was going to ask Marsali about becoming an apprentice. That's probably what she's doing now."

"I wish I could do more, but my own issue with blood is where yours used to be," Brianna spoke up.

"It's okay, Bree. Marsali is a perfect choice. She doesn't frighten easily."

"A truer statement has never been spoken," Fergus commented.

At that moment, Mrs. Farrish passed in front of them, being escorted by friends while she continued to sob so hard she could barely stand.

"God, I can't imagine her pain right now," Bree spoke up. "To lose your spouse, the one person you love most in the world like that..." She looked up at Roger who had his arm around her. "If I lost you forever, I don't know what I'd do. It would destroy me."

Fergus cleared his throat and Brianna looked at him. He gave her a subtle expression and gestured with his eyes to Skylar, then quickly looked back at Bree. Bree understood immediately. Roger did as well and uncomfortably downcast his eyes as not to meet Skylar's.

She directed to her sister, "I-I'm sorry, Sky. I shouldn't, um, I-I shouldn't have said-"

"Why are you sorry?" Skylar cut her off.

"Um..." She and Skylar went into a staring contest. Brianna didn't know what to say. But if Skylar really didn't understand, she wasn't going to explain it and hurt her. Instead, she decided to act like it never happened. "Nothing. I-I don't know why I said that. Sorry. For, uh, saying sorry."

"It's okay, I guess." She chuckled, feeling awkward, or pretending to. She knew exactly why Bree apologized. He hadn't died, but Skylar very well understood the pain of losing your most important person and knowing you'll never see them again. She just didn't feel like telling her famous lie of "I'm really fine," so she played dumb.

But though the words did hit her hard, she wished Fergus hadn't pointed it out and that Bree hadn't apologized. Everyone was always walking on eggshells around her, carefully double thinking every word they would say to make sure it wouldn't cause her to break down. And, as good as their intentions were, that exactly was what was going to cause her to break down.

I'm not a child. This is getting ridiculous, she thought. I love them all so much, but, God, they all need to just let me be!

But, of course, she never voiced this. She just shoved it down and hid it along with her sadness and pain every day, pretending it wasn't there.

Luckily, their conversation was interrupted by Ollie starting to fuss.

Skylar stroked his head. "Oh, I think we're getting tired. Is it time for a nap? Nap time?"

Ollie shook his head. "No. No."

"Oh yeah, you have no problem with that word, but 'mama' is still a struggle. How does that make sense, huh? Can you explain?" Ollie gave his contagious smile as an "answer" and Skylar melted like always. "Okay, fine, you're off the hook. You're too cute. You can get away with anything. And you know it too." He giggled then pressed his face into her shoulder, and she rubbed his back. "But you can't get out of nap time. Let's go. Can you say bye bye to Jemmy and Germain?" He raised head and looked at both boys. "Bye bye? Say bye bye?" He just flopped his head back down and Skylar laughed. "Okay then. I'll see you all later," she said to the other three."

As she walked back to house, every memory of Ian was playing in her head all at same time. She was speed walking to house so that she could get behind closed doors before anyone could see her starting to feel and then she could stop it from coming out.

I have nothing to feel sad about right now. I'm being selfish, she berated herself. No one for me has died. Mrs. Farrish's husband died. The love of her life is gone forever and is never coming back. He may be gone from me forever, but he's alive. He's alive. He's alive.

The thought of Ian being alive did nothing to soothe her. On one hand, she didn't actually know if he was. He was hundreds of miles away. He could be sick or hurt or even dead and she would never know. That idea made her sick beyond compare. But, if he was, in fact, alive, he was still hundreds of miles away living a whole other life she would never be a part of. He would have new friends, a new family...a new wife? If he was alive and living this new life, could it be possible he was forgetting her? That also made her painfully sick.

I need to sleep. I can't think while I'm sleeping. When Ollie goes down, I'll sleep too. I just need to shut off.

She got onto the Big House breezeway and went for the surgery door since that would lead her into the kitchen quicker than the front door. But when she opened it, she froze in her tracks.

"What the hell?!" she exclaimed

Claire and Marsali were standing over body of Leith Farrish with his abdomen cut open and pulled apart. She now felt nauseas for a whole different reason.

Her cry roused Ollie, who had been on the verge of sleep. He started to raise his head, babbling lightly, but Skylar shushed him. "Shhhhhhh, baby. Head down, head down." He laid back on her shoulder, but she put her hand gently over his eyes so there would be no way he could see what laid in front of them.

"I can explain," Claire told her, seeing how freaked out she was.

"Give me a- just-just, um...one moment." She turned around and walked out. She decided to use the longer way and went to front door of the house and got to her room that way. Ollie was not quite asleep yet, but Skylar gently laid him in his crib and stroked his hair to calm him; and herself.

There goes my nap. But hey, I wanted a distraction and here it is.

When he was settled enough that she knew he would fall asleep momentarily, she quietly walked out of the room and closed the door. She then bolted back into the surgery to find out what Dr. Claire Frankenstein was up to.

She threw open the door and went through the curtain, making sure to close each behind her fully. She faced Claire and Marsali, and Leith Farrish, again.

"Okay, ple-please explain." She stayed in front of the door and did her best to not look at the open body on the table as she knew that if she looked too long or too close she would vomit all over it.

"So, ye didna ken she was doin' this?" Marsali asked her.

"No. I absolutely did not. And what is it exactly that you are doing?"

Claire explained, "I needed to know for sure why he died. So I opened him up to do an autopsy. If I can understand why he died and why I couldn't save him, it will help me to save countless other lives that could easily be taken the same way. And I wanted to show Marsali so she can learn too, as my surgical apprentice."

Skylar put her hands on her hips and just kept nodding. "Okay, um that-that makes sense."

She could feel bile start to rise in her throat every time she glanced for just a second at the cadaver.

God, it's so much more graphic than how it looked on Grey's Anatomy, she thought.

Suddenly, another question entered her mind.

"But then, if Mr. Farrish is here, who was just-"

"No one," Claire answered, knowing what the question was. "Roger and I filled the coffin with rocks."

"Oh. So that's what Roger meant when he said–okay."

"Would you like to look, Skylar? I can explain all of this to you as well if you'd like."

"I-I-I'm good. I'm really good. But thank you. I will just, uh, leave you two be. And don't worry, I will not say anything to anyone about this." She then turned and promptly left.

A few hours later, after Skylar had recovered from that shock, she took Ollie to go visit Jemmy and his parents.

They sat the two boys on a blanket outside with a bunch of toys around them. Skylar sat on the blanket with them and Roger was on a chair next to them while Brianna was taking laundry down from their line and folding it into a basket.

Roger had brought out his guitar and was singing songs to the kids from his and Bree's time.

"Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said but I helped him drink his wine. And he always had a mighty fine wine. Singing joy to the world. All the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me."

Skylar held Ollie's hands and clapped them. "Yay! Say, 'we liked that song, Uncle Roger.'" Ollie smiled big.

"I'm so glad ye liked it, lad." He reached down to pat his nephew's head. He looked at his son. "What about ye, Jem? It has yer name in it. But yer not a bullfrog, are ye, Jeremiah?" Jemmy looked up at his dad and babbled happily. Roger chuckled. "But it's true, I canna understand a single word yer sayin'."

"I love that song," Bree said as she came back to them with the laundry basket.

"It's good, but I would only hear it when my mom would play the "way back" station on the radio," Skylar told them.

Roger was taken back by her comment. "Old song from way back? It came out in 1970, right before Bree and I came here."

"Twenty-first century, remember?"

She could see the lightbulb go off in his head at the reminder. "Ah, right. I keep forgettin' yer actually more than 50 years younger than us."

"Yeah, you guys look pretty good for 70," she joked.

"Mama," a small voice called out. "Mama." It was Jemmy, looking up to Brianna and reaching his hands out for her.

"Hello, my love. Come here." She put the basket on the ground and bent down to pick him up.

He smiled at her and repeated, "Mama. Mama," while grabbing her face.

Skylar sighed. "I'm so jealous that Jemmy is saying mama. We're practicing it every day, but he's still only getting a singular 'muh' sound." She ran her fingers over Ollie's hair. "You're very stubborn," she said to him.

"I'm jealous over it as well," Roger chimed in. "This one hasna even tried te say 'dada' yet." He stood up to get on Jemmy's eye level. "Can we try again te say 'dada?' Can ye say 'dada,' Jem? It's verra easy, easier te say then 'mama.' Dada?"

Jemmy just stared at Roger then looked back at Bree and said, "Mama!" Roger hung his head and the three adults laughed.

He stroked Jemmy's cheek. "Stubborn, aye? Just like yer cousin." He kissed his head, then said to Bree, "I'll take the laundry inside. Ye sit wi' Jemmy." He picked it up and looked at his wife. They smiled affectionatly at one another and then kissed before he turned to go into the house.

While they watched their little boys play, Skylar told Brianna, "By the way, I have something that I think belongs to you." From her pocket, she took out a piece of paper folded in fourths. She handed it to Bree and she opened it up. Her breath got caught in her throat as she looked at it. It was one of the sketches she hadn't let Skylar see the other day; a sketch of Stephen Bonnet.

"I was cleaning up in the surgery and I found this under the bed. It must've slipped from your book when you came that day. Do you need to talk about this, Bree?" Skylar asked, genuinely concerned for her sister's wellbeing. "I know what happened must still weigh heavily on you. You don't ever have to keep anything inside. If you don't want to talk to Claire about it, you can always talk to me about anything. Anything, any time, any place, I'm always here for you."

Bree quickly folded the paper back up and put it in her own pocket. "You should take your own advice."

"What do you mean?"

"Anything you need to talk about that you've been keeping inside? Emotions that you've been hiding away from everyone?"

Skylar felt her face heat up from the blatant callout. But she diverged the focus back to Brianna. "I'm fine, really. There is nothing I need to talk about or have been hiding. Even if there was, this moment is about you right now. So let's keep it there." She took a breath. "You know he can't hurt you anymore. He's dead. Stephen Bonnet is dead. He only lives in our minds now, and hopefully, one day, we'll be able to get him out of there too."

Brianna licked her lips. She was aching to say the words that she heard Lord John admit to Jamie at her wedding. "Stephen Bonnet is alive." The simple but horrific phrase was begging to be spoken out loud. But she knew how much trouble it would cause should the news get out. The damage it would do to Skylar was too much of a risk in of itself. Even if she was starting to heal from losing Ian like she claimed she was, she was still fragile, and hearing that her attacker was still out there could be enough to break her. So she just swallowed the words and put on an artificial smile.

"You're right. It's just hard to remember that sometimes."

Skylar put her hand on Bree's shoulder. "I get that, unfortunately. But you know I'm always here if you ever need to talk or vent or just be." Her gaze went to beside the redhead and she laughed. "And so is this one." Jemmy had grabbed onto his mother's arm and was pulling himself up with his whole body pushing against her.

"Mama, Mama," he spoke with his soft little voice.

"Hi, sweetheart." Bree moved him so that he was standing in front of her. "Should we try walking again?" She and Roger had been working on Jemmy's walking skills for weeks now. He could walk well with one of them holding his hands, but he could only take one or two steps without aid.

She picked up one of his rag dolls and placed it a couple feet away from him. She put him in the direction of it and pointed at it. "Can you get the toy? Can you get it for me?" He reached out an arm to it and leaned towards it. "Go get it." She had him hold her finger as he started. But when she let go, he fell. "Oh, that's okay, baby. We can try again." She picked him up and put him back on his feet. "Try again, Jem. Go get the toy."

Skylar sat Ollie on her lap. "Can you cheer on you cousin, Ollie? Say, 'Go, Jemmy! You can do it! Yay, Jemmy!'" She lifted his hands for him to pretend to cheer and it made Ollie giggle and smile.

"Here we go." Jemmy started again holding onto Bree. But as he kept going without stumbling, she slipped her finger from his grip and he continued on by himself until he reached the doll.

"Oh my gosh, Jem!" Brianna exclaimed. She picked him up and spun him around. "You did it! You walked all by yourself!"

Skylar stood up as well, holding Ollie, and stroked his hair, praising him too. "That was amazing, honey! My goodness, what a big boy you are."

"Do you wanna try again?" Bree put him back down to face her, slowly taking her hands away from him. She held her arms out to him. "Come here, my sweet boy. Come to Mama." Jemmy smiled looking at his mom and walked on his own into her arms. The two women cheered and applauded him again. "Roger!" she called towards the house. "Roger, get out here, quick!"

When Roger appeared outside, Bree turned Jemmy to face him and, seeing his dad, started walking to him; with Bree still right behind him in case he fell. She cried happily, "Roger, he's walking! He's walking! Can you believe it? Look at our baby, he's walking!"

Roger let out a joyful laugh and went to his son. He picked him up and said, "Are ye walkin', Jem? That's so wonderful! Daddy is so proud of ye." He kissed the baby's cheek and he and Brianna continued to fawn over of him.

Skylar watched the three of them with a huge smile on her face. It was a real genuine smile, as was the happiness she felt for them. But she couldn't ignore the sharp pain of another deep crack on her heart seeing Jemmy being adored by both of his parents. When Ollie would take his first steps, it would be another major moment in his life that his father wouldn't be there for.

When it got to be the time for Ollie's afternoon nap, they said goodbye to the Mackenzies and headed back to the Big House.

Skylar and Ollie walked into kitchen, and Claire looked up from from her mixing bowl and smiled.

"Well, hello there, young man," she said to her grandson when Skylar crossed to her. "Did you have fun with Jemmy?"

"Oh, so much fun," Skylar answered for him. "Can you tell Nana that now you have to catch up to Jem?"

"What do you mean?"

"He's walking on his own."

"Really?" She nodded "I'm so sad I missed that."

"You'll have a front row seat to Ollie's first steps, I guarantee it." Ollie then let out a big yawn. "My goodness. Are we tired? Ready for a nap?" He shook his head. "No? I think yes." He started fussing and then slammed head into Skylar's chest. "Uh huh, yep. Complain complain. Let it all out." She looked back at Claire. "What are you making?"

"Bread."

"How much?" She glanced over the myriad of ingreidents on the counter.

"As much as I can get away with."

"Any particular reason?"

"Science."

Skylar waited for the rest of the explanation. "Okay. Still I ask, why?"

"I'm going to let it all get moldy in the hopes of finding the right strain of mold to make penicillin."

"Penicillin? That's not supposed to be invented for another hundred or so years. Isn't introducing it to the world now gonna have, like, serious effects on the future?"

"Maybe. But it'll definitely have serious effects on the now. Good effects. Knowing what's killing people and understanding how to help them is a good step. But in order to actually save them, I need the right tools and medicines. And God forbid you, Jamie, Bree, any of the grandchildren get hurt or sick…I need to know that I can do everything I can to protect you in this time. And if that risks a slight impact hundreds of years from now, it's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Well then, let me know what you need me to do to help. I'm all for it."

Claire grinned. "Thank you, sweetheart. Oh, by the way, a package came for you."

"For me?" Claire pointed to a box on the table that was wrapped in a green paper with small white and yellow flowers on it. "Let's see who it's from." She went to it and looked at the name. "Ollie, look! It's from your Grannie and Grandda all the way across the ocean." After Ollie was born, she had sent letter to Jenny and Older Ian telling them about her and Ian's handfast and their newest grandchild. She received a response back from them that though they were shocked and saddened by their son's decision, they were even more heartbroken for her and what she must be going through. They agreed that they would never think of Ollie as born out of wedlock and any less than any of their other grandkids. That even though they would likely not meet him for a very long time, they loved him with everything they had. They emphasized that they had started thinking of Skylar as their daughter-in-law since her first visit to Lallybroch when they could see how crazy she and Ian were about each other though neither ever said anything, and that that wouldn't change now. They wanted to support her however they could being so far away.

"I bet it's a birthday present for you, bud." She lowered Ollie down enough so that he could reach the package. He hit box excitedly. "You see it's from your grandparents in Scotland? Scotland?" She looked to Claire. "That's our big word we've been practicing."

"Yeah? And how's that coming?"

She spoke to her son, "Ollie, present is from Scotland. Can you show Nana how good you're getting at saying Scotland?"

Ollie knew word from his mother's repetition. He tried hard to form it, but could only get out, "Cut." He tapped the box again. "Cut. Cut."

"That's as close as he's gotten so far. He'll have at least the 'Scot' soon."

Claire went to them and cooed, "That's so good, darling. You are so smart, you know that? Now, can you say 'nana?' Nana?"

"Nah. Nah nah," he sputtered out.

"I swear, he's going to be talking in full sentences before he'll say mama. You cannot learn more words until you can say mama, got it?" He let out another yawn and rubbed face against Skylar's shoulder, "Okay, nap time. I'll be out in a bit," She told Claire.

"Have a good nap, sweetheart," she said to Ollie. "We'll see you soon." He gave her tiny sleepy smile with his head resting on Skylar.

She brought him into their room and sat in rocking chair to help get him to sleep. She cradled him and he curled into her. "You cozy, baby?" He babbled a little, but his eyes were closed so she figured it wouldn't be long. Still, she sang to him to lull him even more.

"Lavender's blue, dilly dilly, lavender's green. When I am king, dilly dilly, you'll be my Queen. Who told you so, dilly dilly, who told you so? 'Twas my own heart, dilly dilly, that told me so."

She sang that to him almost every day since he was born. It was always was able to get him calm and relaxed if he was upset or make him smile even bigger. It was a very special song to her for many reasons and she was so happy that it was becoming special to him too.

He had fallen asleep after second verse, but Skylar finished it anyways, just enjoying watching him sleep.

"I love to dance, dilly dilly, I love to sing. When I am queen, dilly dilly, you'll be my king. Who told me so, dilly dilly, who told me so? I told myself, dilly dilly, I told me so."

She stayed in the chair for a few extra minutes until she knew he was really asleep, then carefully stood up and walked to his crib to put him down.

She sighed, staring down at him still sound asleep, and stroked his hair. "I can't believe you're gonna be one in just a week. Stop growing up. Stay this little, huh?" He gave a quick smile in his sleep, and her heart skipped a beat. "I love you more than you could ever know. And your daddy does too. If he was here, my God, you would be his entire world." She could feel her chest tighten from the two seconds of talking about Ian, so she made herself leave before anything escaped.

She gently closed door behind her so she wouldn't wake him up and went back to package still on the table.

Claire, now kneading the bread dough, said, "I didn't hear much complaining from either of you."

Skylar chuckled. "He went down very easily, which was surprising definitely not unwelcome. Should I wait to open the package until his birthday with everyone, or should I do it now and put it in a different box that he can take it out of."

"I'd say open it now just in case it isn't actually for Ollie, though I doubt it."

"Good idea." She used a small knife to open the sides that were pasted shut and unwrapped it, being careful not to rip the paper. The box itself was revealed and she took the top off "Omigosh, how sweet." She lifted out a rabbit rag doll. She could tell it used to be bright yellow, but the color had faded over time and now had multiple dirt and mud stains all over it. It was very soft and floppier than it likely had been when it was first made, but with all the wear and tear, it was obvious whoever owned this toy had loved it dearly. "Do you know what this is? Or who's it is?"

Claire shrugged. "No idea. It maybe could be Jamie's, but he's never mentioned anything about a rabbit. Is there any explanation?"

Skylar looked back in the box and saw a piece of paper folded at the bottom that had her name on it.

"They sent a letter with it. Maybe this'll give the answer."

She unfolded letter and read:

Our dear Skylar,

Please give your sweet Ollie the wishes of a happy happy birthday from his grandparents. We wish more than anything that we could be there to see him turn a year old. We pray one day we will celebrate such events all together.

Since we cannot be there to give him his present in person, we have sent it along with this letter. Hopefully it will make it in time. Please write back to us and say how he likes it. The wee rabbit belonged to his father when he was Ollie's age. Ian would take it everywhere and would never let it out of his sight. We hope Ollie will love it just as much and feel some connection to Ian through it.

We cannot imagine how you're feeling to not have him there for this special day. Please know that you and Ollie are in our thoughts and prayers every night and we love the two of you so much. Perhaps you could one day send a portrait of our grandson so we could see what he looks like? We know it wouldn't be as good as seeing him with our own eyes, but until that can happen, a portrait would suffice.

Send our love to Jamie and Claire, as well as the rest of the family.

We love you, our daughter, and another happy birthday to our precious grandson. Oliver Ian Murray, you don't know how much you're loved.

Ian and Jenny, Grandda and Grannie

"Omigod," Skylar whispered, and looked back down at the rabbit with tears quickly filling her eyes.

"Did they give you any answers?"

She sniffed, trying to hold back from crying. "Yeah. Um...they-they said that...the rabbit, it was-it belonged to, um..." her voice was cracking and she knew she couldn't get the words out without breaking down. So she stopped speaking and handed the letter outstretched to Claire.

Claire wiped her hands and came to her. She took the paper and read it as Skylar stared at the toy in hands and feeling her heart shatter.

Claire took in quiet breath and looked at the young girl next to her. "Oh, sweetheart." She put the letter down and put an arm around her. "Are you alright?"

Skylar swallowed, forcing herself to stop crying. "Of course." She put that same fake smile on her face as she said, "This was so sweet for them to send. I'm sure Ollie will love it." She gently put the rabbit back in the box and replaced the top. She kept her hand on it for a moment, then politely got out of Claire's embrace to say, "I should, um, I-I should...go check inventory, in your surgery. See what we'll need to restock soon."

"Skylar-"

She just gave another half-smile and walked out.

When she got into the surgery, she quickly closed the door and curtain behind her and moved to the far end of the room away from the kitchen. She leaned against the wall and took a shaky breath in through her nose and let it out through her mouth. She was trying to make the lump in throat disappear like she always did, but this time it wasn't going away. She put a hand over her mouth to muffle any sounds and allowed herself this brief moment to feel her heartbreak. She shut her eyes tight but didn't stop the tears from running down face.

She knew Ollie's first birthday without Ian was going to be impossibly difficult emotionally. She had been mentally preparing herself for it and had a plan so that she wouldn't fall apart. But holding a special toy he had from his childhood that was now being passed onto his son that he didn't know about made everything hit her so much sooner than she had prepared for and all at once.

He could still come home. It's not too late, she thought, desperately holding onto that last shred of impossible hope. He could come back. He has to. He has to! This can't be forever! I can't be without him for the rest of my life! No, he will come home. He has to.

She made herself go silent and held her breath when she heard footsteps and voices go past through the breezeway. She didn't let the breath out until long after people were gone. She exhaled very slowly through mouth and stood still, staying leaning against wall and staring at nothing. She went to touch her necklace to give her comfort like it always had. But over the last year, it wasn't working as well as it used to. Now when she would touch it, instead of feeling connected to her mom, she could only remember the day Jamie and Claire came back from New York alone and gave her her necklace back. She had given it to Ian to wear as a wedding ring of sorts while they were apart, and when Jamie put it in her hand, it made it very real and final that she was no longer in Ian's life.

She took in one last deep breath and let it all out in single huff, then dived into work. She was being far more detailed with inventory than she needed to be and took twice as long as she should've. She also organized, swept, and cleaned everywhere and everything, even if it hadn't yet been used. She just needed to have as many tasks as she could to keep her mind as distracted as possible.

No family came in to check on her while she worked, and she was grateful for it. She didn't need someone hovering over her shoulder, waiting for her to crumble. She was glad that she had this time alone to ground herself.

Because of this, she felt able to take part in a newly formed tradition that night that she greatly enjoyed.

Once or twice a week, the Fraser siblings and siblings-in-law would gather at the table in the unfinished Big House dining room after their children had fallen asleep, just to have a drink, chat and enjoy each other's company without being pulled in a million different directions by their kids.

With Germain had asleep on the parlor couch, Fergus and Marsali sat with Brianna and Skylar while they waited for Roger.

"It was nice of Roger to offer to let you take the night off from getting Jemmy down," Skylar said to Bree.

"It is. And he's good at it, so who am I to refuse if he offers?"

"Well, I say we've waited long enough. Roger can catch up when he gets here," Fergus decided. He opened the bottle of whiskey and poured four glasses for them. They raised drinks in cheers to each other and took a sip.

Bree kept her eyes closed and took long breath in and let it out on a sigh. "God, the quiet is nice."

Skylar agreed. "I know. I used to get so bored when there was nothing to do. I really took that time for granted."

"We're soakin' up every bit of it that we can before this one arrives," Marsali said, putting hand on her stomach.

"Is the morning sickness bad yet?"

"Oh, aye. I'm awoken before first light most days needin' te empty me stomach."

"Don't people say that if you have really bad morning sickness, it's gonna be a girl?"

"As much as I want that te be true, poor Fergus still has te wake up te those lovely lovely sounds every day." Put hand on his shoulder, F took her hand and kissed it

Fergus took her hand and kissed it. "It only means our child is growing, so to me it is like music."

"Ye are too much, Fergus Fraser." She kissed him and they smiled at each other.

Bree then asked Skylar, "So, do you have a plan for Ollie's birthday? It's only a week away."

"I'm going to make little decoration with all the paper and paint I can get my hands on, and Claire and I are baking a cake. One of everyone and one for him to play with."

"Te play with?" Marsali repeated.

"Back where I'm from, it's a tradition for a baby turning one to have their own small cake to make a mess with."

"I cannot believe Ollie is going to be a year old," Fergus said.

"God, I know. This year went by so fast. I'm not ready for him to be growing up. I need time to slow down so he can stay this little for longer."

They were interrupted by the sound of the door opening and Roger coming into the room.

"He has arrived at last," Fergus announced. "Drink?"

"Please."

Fergus poured him some of the whiskey and handed him the glass. He took a long sip from it.

"Is Jemmy down?" Brianna asked him.

"Aye, at last. Lizzie's stayin' wi' him now. Took two songs while rockin' him just te get him calm, and then another on my guitar before he fell asleep at last. I don't know why he didna want te sleep tonight but, Christ, it's like he was willin' himself te stay awake."

"At least he's going to be very musically versed," Skylar added.

"How do ye get Ollie te sleep so easily?"

"He may fall asleep at night with little trouble, but he wakes up at the crack of dawn every single day. I swear, he won't sleep past 5:00 in the morning. This boy is a morning bird through and through and it's going to kill me."

Roger put an arm on the back of his wife's chair as he said, "And our little youngin' is a night owl fer sure. That'll be fun when he's a teenager." Everyone went silent. In the awkward air, Roger noticed Bree, Fergus and Marsali all give quick glances towards Skylar, who was just looking into her glass. "Is somethin' wrong?" he asked, confused.

Fergus looked at his sister and started to say something, but she stopped him. "Nothing's wrong. Everything's fine. Listen, this has been a long and eventful day. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm exhausted."

"Sky, are ye sure ye dinna want te talk about-" Marsali tried.

"I'll see you all in the morning." She gave a small smile to the four and walked out.

"What was that?" Roger asked when she was gone.

Fergus sighed and told him, "'Youngin'' is what Skylar would call Ian, like a term of affection. He was Youngin', she was Yank. I swear, they would call each other those more than their actual names it seemed."

"Oh Christ," Roger muttered. He put his face in his hands for a moment before looking back up. "I didn't…I didn't know. I didn't mean anythin' by it."

Brianna rubbed his back to comfort him. "It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I can't have her hate me again."

"She's not going to hate you. She didn't even seem upset. Maybe she's actually telling the truth when she says she's okay. Or she's at least starting to be?"

"She's not," Fergus told her plainly. "She's holding back everything she's feeling because she doesn't want us to see how much pain she's in and worry. Right now, she is a powder keg. And the day will come where a spark will ignite and she will explode."

Look at that! Two Sundays in a row! It may have come out a bit later than other chapters last fic but, you know, it's still Sunday!

A piece of news not fic related, but I wanted to share. I just got into grad school in Scotland! I'm so excited to be moving there this Fall like I've dreamed of for pretty much my whole life! It's gonna be a major move, so I created an Instagram and Tik Tok account to document the move and just living in Scotland. In case any of y'all are interested in following, both accounts are under the name a_yank_in_edinburgh. Can you guess my inspiration for the name lol Anyways, I'm so excited and I would love for you guys to come on the journey with me!

Back to Outlander, I hope you liked chapter 2 and, as always, follow, favorite, review, or any combo if you did!

I love ye all verra verra much and I'll see you here next Sunday for chap 3!