Chapter 2: First Impressions

-16 YEARS LATER-

Ranma and Genma Saotome found themselves in the back of a limousine. The interior was pleasantly cool thanks to the air conditioning, but that couldn't stop the sweat from beading on Genma's forehead. It certainly didn't help matters that his son was silently glaring daggers at him, and had been for the entirety of the ride from the airport.

And the flight across the sea of Japan in the private jet.

And the helicopter ride from out of the middle of the Chinese wilderness.

As for the reason they had been out there in the first place, well…

See, Genma had heard about a legendary training ground. Cursed, or so people said. Bah. Just a way to keep out the tourists, he had figured. So, armed with a pamphlet and a lack of any understanding of Chinese, he had made his way to the springs of Jusenkyo with his son Ranma, and, despite the protests of the guide they were travelling with, began fighting immediately. It was then that everything went straight to hell…

So, soon enough, he turned into a panda, his son turned into a girl, and due to a series of events that certainly weren't his fault there was a warrior from the Joketsuzoku village out for Ranma's blood, and if that weren't all, suddenly a promise he made while half-dead from starvation came back to bite him.

And so, here they both were. In the limousine. Decidedly not talking to each other.

Suddenly, breaking the uncomfortable silence of the past half day, a television screen clicked to life beneath the screen of tinted glass separating the pair from the driver. And on the screen was a man wearing a bright teal shirt with a red rose in the center, and his hair done up to look like a palm tree.

Genma groaned as a memory 16 years in the past hit him at roughly the same speed as the rate at which the pit of dread in his stomach was deepening.

It was him.

"Aaaloohaaa, me brothers!" came the deep baritone voice of Principal Kuno out of the tinny monotone speaker of the small CRT. "So glad to finally see you both again!"

"Pops," Ranma said, speaking his first words to his father in over 8 hours. "Who the hell is this? Where do you know him from? Wait," he ran what the strange man had said through his head again. "You BOTH?' Pops, where do I know him from?!"

"Er, well son," Genma began, speaking into his lap. "I-it's a funny story, you see-"

"Ain't nothing funny about marriage, cousin!" Principal Kuno cut in. "This young keiki's going to be marryin' my darling Kochi!"

Ranma's glare had been intense before, but now it burned. "Marriage? Pops, what's going on? You said it was time to head back to Japan to meet your friend or somethin', what's this marriage garbage?"

"Ahahaha…" Genma laughed nervously. Best not to tell him WHY I was bringing him to Soun right now, he thought. "Well boy, some time ago, when you were still a baby, I found myself starving down in the southern Pacific somewhere. And, well, not to mince words, I might have promised your hand in marriage to his daughter in return for some food."

"And you just thought I'd go along with this?" asked Ranma, his glare taking on a decidedly pointed quality.

"Well, um," Genma said, faltering. "Frankly, son, I kind of assumed we just wouldn't be found again."

Ranma sighed. "Yeah, that seems to be your solution for a lot of stuff, pops."

The image of principal Kuno on the screen interrupted them. "As fun as this is to watch, I feel I do gotta interject, here." He flashed his signature grin. "Be it as it may that you took some findin', the point is, you're here now! Welcome…" Genma didn't know how he knew where the car was, but the effect was nonetheless impressive as the doors opened and blinding sunlight entered the dim interior of the car. "...to the Kuno estate!"

It was a magnificent sight. High wooden gates surrounded what was clearly a massive complex, styled in a way that suggested that it was older than most of the city it was in. The doors in front of them were made of thick beams of oak that time, elements, and countless coats of varnish had hardened into something stronger than the iron bands that ringed their surface, spaced a foot apart in a lattice. Bolts the size of soda cans held them in place, and looked like they could well be the oldest pieces of wrought iron in all of Japan.

Ranma gave a low whistle. "Wow, these people ain't just rich, they've 'got money', huh pops?"

Genma didn't say anything. Carefully, without betraying anything to the outside world, he was doing some mental calculations weighing his desire to unite the schools of Anything Goes versus the sheer amount of zeroes a potential marriage here could introduce to his bank account.

"Sirs?" came a reedy voice. "If you would please follow me."

Ranma and Genma both searched for the source of the voice, before the owner cleared his throat. "Down here." The two of them looked down to find a very short man in front of them, wearing a dark navy ninja getup with burgundy accents. A wispy moustache was the only indication that he wasn't a child. "My name is Sasuke Sarugakure," the young man said with a deep bow. "And I am the Kuno family's most loyal servant."

"A ninja?" Ranma said, staring. "This family's ninja-havin' rich?"

"Follow me, inside please." Sasuke said, beckoning as he opened the doors. "And whatever you do, don't touch anything!"

Genma watched as a bird alighted on the surface of a placid pond. Within seconds, a set of massive reptilian jaws snapped shut around it with a splash, and by the time the water calmed down again there was nothing left to suggest its presence but a single floating feather. He shivered despite the balmy early-May weather.

"Better listen to him, boy."

The Saotomes were led to a sitting room that more resembled a display room for particularly valuable artifacts at the Museum of London. Neither of them so much as wanted to breathe, let alone "make themselves comfortable" as Sasuke had suggested. While Genma did his best to sit on a cushion that was worth more than his liquid assets without actually touching it, Ranma paced around restlessly.

Dangit, I wish I coulda asked that shrimp if there was anythin' to do here. With no better ideas, he simply called out. "Yo, Sasuke!"

"Yes, young master?"

"Gah!" Ranma yelled, whipping around to find the meek little man behind him, standing at attention. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I'm so sorry, young master sir!" the ninja said, kneeling and bowing his head by way of apology."

"I-it's fine, ya don't gotta…" Ranma shook his head. "Listen, is there anythin' interestin' to do here? Like a dojo or somethin'?"

"Ah, you're in luck!" Sasuki said, brightening considerably. "Master Kuno has a room dedicated to his kendo practice. In fact, he's likely to be there now, given the time."

"Oh, huh." Ranma was impressed. Kendo, huh? he thought. This guy sounds alright. "Uh, lead the way I guess."

"Yes sir!" Sasuke said, saluting. "Follow me, master Saotome."

"J-just Ranma is fine…" Ranma protested weakly.

"Of course! Right this way, master Ranma!"

Ranma sighed. "Sure, fine."

After some time spent following the small ninja, Ranma grew curious enough about who he was about to meet (and bored enough of the byzantine hallways of the sprawling estate) that he got to talking to his apparent new retainer.

"So, this Kuno guy," he asked. "He Kodachi's brother?"

"Yes indeed!" Sasuke said. "Tatewaki is the lord of this manor in his father's absence, and the star Kendo fighter of Furinkan high besides!"

"Lord of the manor, huh…?" Ranma repeated. A few steps in silence. "How long's their dad been gone?"

"Hm? Master Kuno the senior?" Sasuke looked deep in thought for a second. "What day is it?"

"Uh, the 6th? I'm pretty sure?" It had been a while since Ranma had last actually seen a calendar, but he kept pretty good internal time.

"Okay. And, um… the month?"

"May."

"Ah, right." More mental math. An uncomfortable pause. "And, the, erm… year?"

"Year?!" Ranma hissed. "How long's this lousy father been gone for anyhow?"

"Um, ah, about thhhrrreeeeeee…?" (A pause to count on a couple fingers.) "Yes. Three. Three years, one month, and 12 days."

"He's been gone for three years?!"

"And one month, yes. And twelve days. I believe he left when master Kuno was in his last year of junior high."

"Three years, huh…" Ranma didn't know what to say. His own father wasn't the best, but he was always at least there.

"We've made it." his guide said, stopping in front of a plain and very new-looking set of doors with a sign above that said "Blue Thunder Training Dojo". The paint was still tacky to the touch. "Oh, the master made himself a new sign." Sasuke remarked with slight interest.

"'Blue thunder?'" Ranma asked.

"Yes, it's likely a nickname he's chosen. Anyway, I must be off. There's so much to do in this old house, and I'm not sure if you've noticed the lack of servants?"

"Oh, huh." he hadn't, but now that Sasuke mentioned it Ranma reflected on how empty the house had seemed. "Yeah, what's up with that? Where's all the like, maids and cooks and junk?"

"You're looking at him." Sasuke said wearily. "And now, I must prepare dinner. See you then, young master Ranma."

"See ya-" Ranma was interrupted by the sound of splintering wood behind him. As he whipped around, he saw the doors split lengthwise nearly top to bottom, its cheap material yielding to a bokken that was sticking out at roughly waist height. It was wriggling back and forth as its owner was apparently attempting to wrest it free from its prison of pine, and Ranma heard muffled swearing coming from the other side of the door.

"Release your grip on my mighty blade this INSTANT, you pernicious portal! Give to me that which is rightfully mine!"

Cautiously, Ranma knocked on an area of the door that was unlikely to give his knuckles any splinters and the sounds of the struggle ceased almost immediately. The voice from the other side also immediately shifted its tone.

"Ah, Sasuke! To have arrived before you were even summoned! Truly, you are getting skilled at your vocation, my devoted ninja!" He opened the door to greet his servant. Instead, he found himself staring at an altogether unfamiliar stomach. Tatewaki Kuno panned his gaze slowly upwards along a red silk shirt, finally coming to a stop at the bemused face of a much shorter boy of about his own age.

"You're not Sasuke." he said simply.

"Uuh, no." the strange boy replied. "No I'm not. See, the name's Ranma Saot-"

"AN INTRUDER!" Tatewaki roared, redoubling his efforts to free his wooden sword. "I'll have your sorry head as a trophy, you blackguard!"

"Whoa, hey! It ain't like that!" Ranma said, holding his palms up in front of him and quickly placing himself in between his soon-to-be brother in law and the weapon he was attempting to grab. "Sasuke let me and my pops in! Apparently I'm marryin' your sis, according to him."

Tatewaki paused mid-yank. "You?" He leaned down to thoroughly inspect Ranma in the same way one might do a horse bought on the cheap. "You are the man who is to marry my dear sister?" He turned his critical eye to look directly into Ranma's own and scoffed. "Bah! My father would never deign to marry Kodachi off to someone so scruffy and low-born. Not to mention scrawny."

"Listen, I ain't crazy about i- wait," Ranma said, the last part finally hitting his cerebrum like a belly flop. Scruffy and low-born were one thing (namely, accurate). But… "...Who're you callin' scrawny, bud?"

"I am calling you scrawny." Tatewaki replied, puffing out his chest and putting his hands on his hips. A move which, Ranma had to admit, did throw their respective physiques into rather sharp relief. "Did you catch it that time, or was it still too fast?"

Without a word, Ranma pulled out the sword in one go and tossed it to Tatewaki. "Alright, bro." he said, grinning mirthlessly. "How's about we have a friendly little spar?"

Tatewaki felt an unfamiliar emotion, looking into the blue eyes in front of him, eyes that notably were not smiling. It was difficult to put a word on it, but it felt like…

Apprehension.

Nevertheless, a Kuno man was not one to back down from a challenge. He gestured to a selection of practice swords leaning against the wall and made his way to the center of the room. "Take your pick."

Ranma looked over briefly before shrugging and following Tatewaki to the fighting area. "Nah, I'm good. Weapons ain't exactly my thing."

Tatewaki decided not to dignify this insult with a response. Instead he simply adopted a ready stance, bokken held at his pelvis and sticking forward at a 45 degree angle. "When you're ready, then."

His opponent, who made no indication that he was about to fight, simply nodded while remaining perfectly relaxed. "Ready when you are."

Tatewaki growled. This had to be intentional. Well, he'd wipe the cocky grin off this boy's face soon enough. Potentially permanently if he hit the mouth. "Enough! We fight now, knave!"

The fight began, and for a second Tatewaki wondered if his foe was able to disappear into thin air as his opening thrust met nothing in its path. Stumbling forward slightly due to his own momentum, he turned around quickly enough that he was able to just barely dodge a strike from Ranma, who was now behind him. Despite clearly being a quick jab to probe his defences, Tatewaki could feel the wind from his opponent's hand whip at his hair. Who IS this boy? Tatewaki thought, while rapidly re-adjusting his notions of how hard he should be fighting.

A low sweep with the wooden sword was answered by a short hop into the air which flowed seamlessly into a kick aimed at his stomach. There was no dodging that, and the taller boy grunted as the air left his lungs and he scooted backwards from the force, doubling over and clutching at his abdomen.

"Hmph. Very well," Tatewaki scoffed, using testosterone-fueled bravado as a temporary substitute for seeking medical attention. "'Twould seem you have some skill to back up your boasts. But let us see how well you fare against..." He lunged once more, this time jabbing rapidly with his bokken in a cone around him. "...THIS!"

Even in the middle of his onslaught, Tatewaki could see his opponent bobbing and weaving around his sword. It was impossible! He would have to be moving at a nonsensical speed to dodge every single strike!

And was he grinning?

Eventually, however, even the mighty Blue Thunder grew tired, and Tatewaki lowered his weapon, utterly spent. As he stood there regaining his breath, Ranma came up to him and pushed gently on his forehead with his index finger. The swordsman slumped to the ground.

"I win." he said, still wearing that infuriating grin.

"So you seek to insult me further?" Tatewaki spat, glaring at the hand in front of his face before batting it away. "It is not enough to simply best me in combat, you must make a game out of it as well?"

"Hey, c'mon," Ranma began. "It was just a friendly spar, right?" The grin was still there, but beneath the friendly tone was the hard edge that remembered the "scrawny" remark.

"Haarumph." Tatewaki grumbled, pointedly not taking Ranma's hand and getting up on his own. "Well, I suppose you're not the weakling I took you for, at the very least. However..." Standing up to his full height, he glowered down at his future brother-in-law. "...I will not take this humiliation lightly, Saotome."

"Uh, okay?" Ranma replied, confused. "Really, you're pretty good and all, but me and my pops have been trainin' for most of my life. Wasn't really a fair fight. If you want, I could give you some pointers."

"The great Tatewaki Kuno does not take pointers!" he shouted, affronted. "I shudder to think of the sort of mud the Kuno family name will be dragged through if you are to become a part of it! What father was thinking, I'll never know." With that eloquent denigration taken care of, he pointed at the cracked remains of the door. "Out. Leave me to brood, Saotome."

Ranma was more than happy to oblige, scurrying out of the dojo with barely a second glance. Well wasn't he charming, he thought. Hopefully my fianceé is more normal.

This stupid god damn house and its stupid GOD DAMN traps…

Ranma was fuming. He was also dripping.

The two states of being were related.

He'd been wandering around the estate for some time, investigating rooms to try and get a lay of the massive mansion. The twelfth door he opened had been a bathroom, which was fortunate considering the length of the limo ride. And, he reflected as he stalked the hallways and his head cooled, wringing out his red silk shirt and wearing a towel to cover the breasts he now sported thanks to his impromptu shower, it may not have been a trap. It could have simply been shoddy plumbing. Still, he was pretty sure water taps weren't supposed to unscrew like that.

His continued meandering brought him to what appeared to be a kitchen. It was massive, as large in and of itself as an ordinary floor of what a much poorer family would consider a home. Stovetops and stainless steel counters stretched for what seemed like miles, sinks like swimming pools next to piles of drying dishes that had been scoured so thoroughly you could practically eat off of them. Enough skillets, pots, sieves and pans lined racks at head height to armor a whole make-believe platoon, and there were enough cutting implements sticking out of knife blocks to arm a very real one. A kitchen like this didn't have a pantry or larder, it had a veritable supermarket, and Ranma could see a creeping cloud of condensation unfurl across the floor as the door to the chilled room stood ajar. From within, he heard a high pitched, tuneless humming, not altogether unpleasant to listen to. Seconds later, he saw the girl to which the voice was attached.

Ranma could immediately tell that she was Kodachi, in the sense that he could tell she was Tatewaki's sister. Her hair was long, black, and held in a ponytail, but the front featured the same fluffy bangs as the elder Kuno sibling. She was, currently, taller than he was (though that wasn't saying much considering the petite stature of Ranma's cursed form) and was, Ranma noticed with relief, not dressed in some outrageous samurai getup like her brother was.

As she exited the cold room with an armful of ingredients, Kodachi nudged the door closed with her foot, being careful not to drop any of the dairy or eggs she was carrying. Satisfied that the door was securely shut, she looked up and locked eyes with a strange redhead who was watching her with some interest. It was at this point that she dropped the constituent parts of about 3 cakes on the gleaming tile and screamed.

"AAIIIIIEEEE!" she shrieked, pointing an accusatory finger. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" Secondary details finally wormed their way through the tar paper of panic and began dripping onto the carpet of conscious cognition. Her eyes darted downward and she became somehow even more upset. "And WHY are you not DECENT?"

"Oh! Uh, right, sorry 'bout that." Ranma said. "See, you're not gonna believe this, but-"

"SASUKE!" Kodachi shouted, not listening. The ninja retainer didn't bother with the appearing act this time, given that he was 5 feet away preparing dinner for the night. "ONE! Clean this up, immediately!" She gestured at the mess spreading across the floor. "TWO! WHO IS THIS PERSON?!"

"I… don't know, mistress Kodachi." he said, looking confusedly at Ranma. "There is something… familiar about her, but I'm certain I've never seen her before in my life!"

"Sasuke! It's me, Ranma!" The currently curvaceous martial artist was relieved to see someone halfway sane. "Um, I know that might be hard to believe, but you gotta believe me! See, me and pops got into some trouble back in China before mister Kuno had us airlifted outta there, and, well…"

"M-master Ranma…?" Sasuke seemed at a loss for words, and something about the look on his face made Ranma hyper-aware of the fact that even in his current state, Sasuke was still significantly shorter than he was. He surreptitiously positioned his arms to ensure the towel provided coverage from below as well.

"Yeah, it's me." Ranma sighed. "See, there's this place called-"

"You're Ranma?!" Kodachi interrupted. "You're supposed to be my fiancé?!" She scoffed, and Ranma had to admit that she had a face built for scoffing. Heavily lidded eyes, an upturned nose and a pair of naturally pouty lips all contributed to a face that looked like it was as likely to say "hmph" as it was "hello". "I know father is fond of his particular brand of practical jokes, but this is going a bit far even for him!" Waving her finger threateningly as she advanced on this topless interloper, she narrowed her eyes and demanded, "Now you are going to explain yourself right now, or-" She stopped, finger mid-wag, and her gaze focused in on the eyes of the strange girl as her own seemed to grow wide. "...Are you wearing eyeliner?!"

"Oh, um, yeah." Ranma said, taken aback. "See, if you'd let me-"

"So you had time to do your makeup but not put on a shirt? Or even a bra?!" Kodachi seemed apoplectic as she balled her fists and stomped a dainty foot in rage. "This is purposeful! You're just trying your damnedest to get a rise out of me, aren't you? Or to seduce my dear, sweet, idiot of a brother! Aren't you? Admit it!"

At this point Ranma found himself backing away from an advancing Kodachi, who in her rage seemed to be displaying quite a bit more… physicality than he would have assumed her capable of at first glance. Still, he felt he should try to clear the air.

"N-no! I don't wanna seduce Tatewaki or nothin'!" I'd rather die, thought Ranma, though he wisely kept that bit to himself. "I just-"

"So you admit that your intentions were the former? You would antagonize Kodachi Kuno, star member of the St. Hebereke martial arts rhythmic gymnastics team?" Her eyes had developed a glint not unlike one an incautious mouse might see in the corner of its vision as it focused on the cheese on the strange wooden slab in front of it.

"...Martial arts rhythmic gymnastics?" he asked, trying to identify the cheese variety. "What's that?"

The spring-loaded bar swung down as Kodachi smiled. "Allow me to show you." She held out her hand. "Sasuke! My clubs!"

"Here you are, mistress Kodachi!" the young ninja said, placing what appeared to be a juggling club into her outstretched hand. After a second his brain caught up to the rest of him and he shouted, "Master Ranma, RUN!"

Ranma took the hint as he watched Kodachi begin to wind up her throw and scuttled out of the kitchen, shutting the door just in time for it to be impaled by a number of spikes.

Well, he thought, reminiscing on his earlier hopes. Guess a normal fiancée was out of the question.

Before too long, the Kuno siblings found themselves relaxing in the room next to the dining room, as was their nightly custom. Sasuke was extremely punctual about serving meals, so it had come to be second nature to both of them.

Tatewaki eyed his sister with interest. She didn't seem happy. Which, considering the two did not exactly get along famously even at the best of times, suited him just fine. He thought back to his first impressions of Ranma Saotome and smiled. The two of them truly… deserved one another.

Kodachi, for her part, was having similar thoughts regarding the Ranma she had met and her brother. She was just his type, zero shame and even fewer manners. She smiled sweetly at him. Truly, this was a match made in heaven.

"Well then, dear sister. I would seem our esteemed father truly knows how to pick them." Tatewaki said, smirking. "Such a shame."

"Indeed." Kodachi replied. "Where he found this one is anyone's guess."

"Still, we must respect his wishes. Though in his absence I have asserted my position as man of the house, I daren't dream of questioning father's wisdom in these matters."

"Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that, brother dear." Kodachi said, smiling.

There was a long pause as Tatewaki ran his sister's sentence through his head a few times. Something didn't sit quite right with him about it.

"Dear sister, correct me if I'm wrong, but…" he shook his head as if refusing to believe his own thoughts. "You aren't… excited about this prospect, are you?"

"And why shouldn't I be?"

"Well, the way you spoke of Ranma just now, I had assumed-"

"And what does my opinion on Ranma matter?"

"I- wha-" Tatewaki shook his head again, more violently this time. "You're marrying this Saotome person, aren't you?"

"I do beg your PARDON?" Kodachi shot back, affronted. "I should think not, Tatewaki! Clearly you are to marry Ranma!"

Color rising in his cheeks in pique, Tatewaki sputtered angrily. "In what UNIVERSE do you think I would marry a MAN?"

Kodachi blinked. Then, slowly, as if speaking to a particularly stupid child, she said "Tachi, brother dear… Ranma is a girl."

"Are you INSANE, woman?" he shouted. "Ranma Saotome is an uncouth, boorish-"

"Shameless, unladylike-"

"Unkempt-"

"Tarted up-"

"Man!" "Woman!"

"Well," said a voice unfamiliar to either sibling. They whipped around to find a man wearing a worn, white gi, flanked by a small and very irritated red haired girl. Upon seeing her, Kodachi's eyes narrowed and Tatewaki's jaw dropped. "You're both more right than you might think…"