Chapter 2

She had never felt so uncomfortable on the train to Hogwarts before. Two years ago, she would have been chatting with friends, briefing for prefect duties, and aiding first years. But this year she sat quietly in the train compartment. Ginny had left Harry's side to meet up with friends. Luna and Neville were talking with Ron and Harry about the summer, but Hermione was too distracted to hear anything they said. Periodically someone would slide the doors open to say something thankful to Harry. Hermione was glad the attention was not on her.

As the train slowed at Hogsmeade station, Hermione's heart began to rush. Outside she could see the skeleton like horses that would bring her to the castle. How was she supposed to pretend everything was normal, when right in front of her was a thestral sized reminder?

Something like this was bound to get a reaction from more than just her. She couldn't be the only one having flashbacks of Fred, Dobby, Lavender, Lupin, Tonks, Collin and so many more who were lost last year.

She met eyes with Harry, but he seemed as composed as ever. But, she thought, he had seen those signifiers of death years before after Cedric's death. This was not new to him. Hoping to find solace in someone else's reaction she scanned the platform. No one seemed devastated to see them. A few made small gasps or sounds of awe when they walked towards the carriages, but no one else seemed to feel the way she did. No one was on the verge of breaking down like her.

"I reckon I wouldn't mind riding them now that they aren't invisible. But blimey, they sure are deathly looking," Ron commented.

They made their way to the castle and up the stairs to the great hall. McGonagall had taken Dumbledore's position as headmaster. Alongside her at the teachers table sat Hagrid, Slughorn, Flitwick, Trelawney, and Sprout. Some new faces had joined the staff to fill in positions.

Time seemed altered in some way. Hermione barely listened to the start of term speech or sorting hat song. If it weren't for Ron pestering her to eat something, she wouldn't have even noticed the food on the table at all.

She did however notice the Slytherin table. Malfoy was sitting with other students from death eater families. Normally he would have a smug smirk over his face, but this year seemed different. His eyes were sinking back into his skull, his jaw seemed sharper but in an unhealthy way, and he was barely registering the people talking beside him. Just like her, he seemed traumatized by being back in the castle. It felt odd to feel connected to him in this way.

For a split second the two made eye contact from across the hall. Malfoy immediately looked down in shame. She was the last person he wanted to see. After the night in Malfoy Manor, Hermione was a constant reminder of pain inflicted by his family.

It seemed that everyone in the castle was unhappy to see their return. Slytherin was never loved by the other houses, but this year the hatred grew stronger. Many students blamed them for the war. As Hermione followed the flood of students out of the hall, she heard mumbles from her fellow Gryffindor.

"Why were they allowed into the castle?"

"McGonagall should have wiped out their entire house. Banned the lot of them"

"They're all just a bunch of death eaters."

They weren't entirely wrong. Despite only one of them actually having the mark, majority of them had parents currently in Azkaban for death eater crimes. If the war had not ended, how many of them would have accepted the brand on their forearm?

These kinds of thoughts made Hermione feel sick. She snuck out of the pack of Gryffindors heading to the common room and made her way to a bathroom unlikely to have anyone present. As soon as she made it to a stall, she retched up the little she had eaten at the feast.

She sat in the stall for a few minutes holding back tears. Hermione Granger was far from okay. She may have survived the war, but was utterly broken inside.

Once she felt composed enough to rejoin the other students, she hurried out of the bathroom. Turning the corner into the hall she collided with another student, falling to the floor.

"For god's sake Granger, watch where the fuck you're going," Malfoy yelled.

"I didn't mean too," she replied sternly.

As she stood up, she noticed he too had swollen red eyes. It seemed they both were in the deserted part of the castle for the same reason. They both needed a safe place to feel the pain.

He shifted the arm of his robes. But it was too late, Hermione had already noticed the blood.

"You're arm… I think you might need to see Madam Pomfrey."

"I can take care of myself. I don't need someone like you trying to tell me what to do," he snarled.

The blood began to drip out of his robes onto the floor. A small pool was forming at Draco's feet.

"Fine, but if you bleed to death it's not my fault. If you choose to drop the pride act though, I can help."

"And why the fuck would you want to help me?"

Hermione paused and then stated, "you're right, I don't want to."

Brushing shoulders as she passed, Hermione angerly walked down the corridor refusing to look back.

The Gryffindor common room was already turned into the annual start of term party by the time she got back.

"HERMIONE!" several called as she walked through the portrait hole.

She was exhausted from the trauma of the day. However, she knew she would never be allowed to escape the party. And so, she readily accepted the butterbeer and began to sip. It wasn't long before the room seemed to spin, and her friend's faces were blurred.

Ron walked over to the corner she was sitting in. His face had a red hue from the firewhiskey and he looked determined of something. The drunk courage allowed him to blurt out, "I miss you 'Mione. I know we've been together all summer but it's not the same, you're not the same"

It broke her heart to hear. She replied quietly, "I don't know how to be the same. Nothing ever will be the same."

"I know it's sad and all but you just gotta forget about it. Focus on all the happy stuff."

"Ron, how could I forget when everything bad happened within these walls? How do I forget all of the things we've seen? How the fuck do you just get over it like that? Don't you care at all? You're acting like it wasn't a big deal… You're acting like you didn't even care about the people we lost. Your classmates are dead, your ex-girlfriend is dead… For god's sake, your brother is dead…"

She regretted it as soon as it left her mouth. Clearly it was too harsh, because Ron's face suddenly sunk, and he backed away without a word. Ginny had overheard the conversation and also fled the common room, no doubt with tears in her eyes. Harry would soon follow.

Hermione made her way to the girl's dormitory and fell into her bed to sleep. Thankfully, the combination of butterbeer and firewhiskey would wipe away the dreams for tonight.