Risk and Reward

James

The breakfast at Hogwarts was so excellent, it felt like a crime not to eat, but right now, I was too tense for anything more than a few bites of toast. I'd been waiting for this day for years, and I was technically supposed to wait for one more, but I'd decided that I couldn't wait any longer.

"Let's go over it again."

My friends looked a bit annoyed, so I gave them my best puppy eyes. Across from me, Sirius sighed. "Fine. One more time." He leaned his elbows on the table, put on his most stubborn scowl, and launched into our scripted argument:

"You need to be a third-year to try out."

"That rule was only created because parents complained that the sport was too rough for kids under thirteen," I argued. "It isn't fair to limit the kids who want to play and whose parents are alright with it."

"You're not big enough," Sirius went on.

"That only makes me faster in the air, and faster Seekers win games."

"Why should I choose you over the older players?"

"Age doesn't determine talent. I've been riding a broom since I could walk. I'll bet I've got just as much experience as them."

"Why should I even let you try out?"

"Because if you don't, you won't know what you're missing. What harm is there in giving me a chance?"

Sirius surveyed Remus and Peter. "What do you reckon, mates?"

Peter nodded. "I think he's ready."

"I thought he was ready the last two times we rehearsed it," Remus agreed, smirking.

"I think you're forgetting something, boys."

Marlene McKinnon sank coolly into the seat next to me. Her friends followed suit: Mary Macdonald sat next to Sirius, and Alice Fortescue went next to her. A reluctant-looking Lily Evans took the seat next to Marlene. I blinked at the girls curiously. "You heard all that?"

"You were talking pretty loudly," Mary informed us, sharing a smile with Alice.

"You're really going to try out for the Quidditch team?" Lily inserted irritably. "You're only a second-year. That's against the rules."

"Some rules deserve to be broken," I reasoned. She frowned, which in turn made me smile. Being around Lily always seemed to brighten my mood. I figured it was because it was so easy to push her buttons. That stubborn pout of hers was oddly endearing.

"It won't work, you know," Marlene said airily.

"Sure, it will," I told her. "I know I can ace the tryout itself. The only problem is whether they let me do it or not, and I've memorized all the counterpoints."

"You can't always argue your way past the rules, Potter," Lily said in a huff.

I smirked. "No, but most of the time, I can." She rolled her eyes, and my smile grew.

"Didn't you hear me before?" Marlene inserted. "I said, you're forgetting something." She tapped lightly on the lens of my glasses. "You have these."

"So?"

She lifted her eyes to the ceiling, where gray clouds were rolling. The view seemed blurrier than usual – by rain, no doubt. The realization made me feel like I'd swallowed a rock. I ignored my anxiety and raised my chin. "A little rain won't throw me off."

"It will if you won't be able to see," Marlene pointed out. Her teasing tone was slipping; she almost sounded worried.

I feigned a smug smile. "I'm touched by your concern, Marly, but you've never seen me fly."

"How well can you see without your glasses?" Lily asked skeptically.

"Well enough," I lied. When they all continued to stare at me, I rolled my eyes. "Ladies, please. I know what I'm doing. If you want proof, you should come cheer me on at the tryouts."

"It would be fun to watch you show up the older kids," Marlene admitted. "Providing you get past the age rule, and that you aren't bluffing about your skills."

"You'll have to come and find out," I invited smoothly.

The auburn-haired girl smiled. "Maybe we will."

"Sounds like fun!" Alice agreed, and Mary nodded.

At her friends' excitement, Lily's annoyed look mellowed. She appraised me with those bright green eyes that always seemed to pin me down. Then she shrugged. "I suppose I can come watch the Quidditch captain turn you down. I have nothing better to do."

"Damn, Evans, go easy on the enthusiasm," Sirius advised with well-practiced sarcasm. That earned him another adorable frown.

"See you at the Quidditch pitch, then!" Marlene told me cheerily, and the girls left to go to their usual seats.

Once they were out of earshot, Sirius narrowed his eyes at me. "How well can you really see without your glasses?"

"Fine," I insisted, covering up my nerves with defiance. I scowled at my friends' uneasy expressions. "Don't you three start worrying about me too."

"It's a fair point," Remus murmured. "The rain could fog them up, and if you can't do without them—"

Before I could react, Sirius lurched across the table and snatched my glasses. Peter snickered, and I sputtered: "Oi! You can't just—give them back!"

Like a true best friend, Sirius was deaf to my protests. He pushed the lenses up to his eyes and grimaced. "Oh, Merlin. Your vision is awful, James."

"Yeah, I know," I muttered grumpily.

I expected my friends to have some sympathy, but Sirius's new look distracted them. "You look like a hippie," Peter commented, grinning at Sirius.

"Or a young John Lennon," Remus added with a laugh.

Sirius pushed my glasses to the end of his nose so he could look at Remus properly. "He's a Muggle musician, isn't he?"

"The Beatles?"

Sirius beamed in recognition. "Oh! The one with the glasses?"

"That's the one."

"Here. You try them."

"Having fun?" I deadpanned as Remus joined in the game of dress-up. I might as well have been talking to my toast.

"Blimey, Moony, they suit you!" Sirius enthused. He snorted when Remus turned to look at him. "You look barmy when you're squinting like that, though."

"Don't mind me. I'll just sit here and be blind," I said loudly, pretending to be annoyed.

Remus's scrunched expression turned sheepish. "Sorry, James." He moved to give my glasses back, but Sirius intercepted him.

"Hold on! Let Pete have a go!"

Once they'd had their fun, I returned my glasses to their rightful place. The change caused a sharp pang in my gut that had nothing to do with my eyes adjusting. What if I have to go through tryouts like that? What good am I as a Seeker if I can't even see the Snitch?

"You'll be alright," Remus told me, reading my face.

"You've flown in the rain before, right?" Sirius checked.

"Yeah, a few times," I admitted. What I didn't say was that those few times hadn't gone so well because of the droplets lingering in front of my eyes. Seeing in heavy rain was even worse than trying to see without my glasses. Bloody unlucky genetics…

My friends were furrowing their eyebrows at me like they could hear my thoughts. "It doesn't matter," I told myself, straightening in my chair. "I just need to convince them to let me fly. After that, I'll be fine."

"You'll be brilliant," Sirius said firmly.

Peter gazed anxiously the ceiling. "Who knows? Maybe it will clear up."

The weather did not clear up.

It began to rain even harder just as I headed out onto the field alongside the other older and larger Gryffindors. A few people had thought to bring umbrellas, and some of the upper years were using a spell that created invisible rain shields over their heads. The other half of us stood there awkwardly, blinking against the sudden onslaught, with our borrowed uniforms melding to our skin. I cursed under my breath. Should've learned that umbrella spell…

As soon as I finished the thought, a stern voice with an Irish accent called out, "You can put those umbrellas away." Finnigan Fletcher, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, strolled to the front of the crowd and quirked a ginger eyebrow at us. "Go on. If a little rain bothers you, you're in the wrong place." I smirked as everyone lowered their umbrellas and wands.

"You picked a great day for it, Finn," said a seventh-year I recognized: last year's Seeker, Meilin Zhao. Her short black hair was plastered to her head, and her dark eyes glittered with annoyance. She was tiny – she probably only weighed as much as me – but she was as fast as a bullet and as feisty as a Doxie. Last year, she'd performed a harrowing dive that shook off the opposing team's Seeker and won us the Quidditch Cup. The memory still sent an electric thrill through me. Today, I would be competing against her, which made my stomach feel like a ball of worms. I scoped out the rest of last year's team, noting the openings from players who'd graduated.

I suppose starting as a Chaser wouldn't be so bad. At least Zhao graduates next year…

As I scanned the other Quidditch team hopefuls, my eyes were drawn to the stands. A small cluster of people had braved the weather to watch the tryouts – and one person in particular caught me by surprise. I couldn't see his face, thanks to the rain, but I would've recognized that hulking figure anywhere. Hagrid had lent his pink umbrella to my friends, who were huddled in front of him. I could make out a mop of shaggy black hair and a splash of blond on either side of a taller mousy-haired person holding the umbrella. Hagrid waved a huge hand at me, and Remus and Peter joined in. Sirius made a different gesture – a thumbs-up, I assumed, but the rain seemed to blur it into something else. The thought made me grin. I made a mental note to tell him about that later.

As I watched, a group of girls joined my friends. Remus and Sirius seemed to have a short debate, which was resolved when Hagrid pulled a second umbrella out of his lumpy moleskin jacket and handed it to the girls. I squinted, but there were only three of them, and none of them had long auburn hair. Lily wasn't with them.

Disappointment chewed at my stomach. Well, at least if I mess up, she won't be here to see it, I consoled myself. Ironically, the thought made me feel more disappointed. I realized I'd been looking forward to impressing Lily, and maybe earning one of her smiles. Her pouts were cute, but her smiles were quite lovely – especially the big ones, with the way they lit up her face. It wasn't often that I had the chance to make her look that happy. It wasn't for lack of effort, of course...but my jokes usually only made her scowl.

Unnerved, I shook myself out of it. Why does it matter if she's here or not? You can tell her about it later. Focus!

I dragged my attention back to Fletcher, who was explaining the rules of the tryouts, as if I didn't already have them memorized. "You have to be in your third year to try out. If you're a second or first year, you might as well head out now," he said. His pale blue eyes skimmed over me and a few other kids who were on the smaller side, but nobody left. Not until you've heard me out, I thought doggedly.

Once he was finished with the overview, Fletcher instructed us to stand in a line according to our desired position on the team. As everyone shuffled around, I slyly wiped the fog off my glasses. When we were all settled, I was the only one who dared to stand behind Zhao, apart from a dark-skinned boy who was at least three years older and a foot taller than me. My insides jolted when the Fletcher approached our line first. "Name and year," he asked us.

"David Johnson. Fifth year," said the other boy, in a deep voice that made me feel even more out of place.

I straightened up and mustered my most mature tone. "James Potter. Second year."

Everyone who had heard me turned their heads, but I only had eyes for the ginger-haired captain. He seemed exasperated. "Weren't you listening earlier, Potter? You have to be at least a third year to try out."

Before I could recite the defense that I'd been practicing all morning, someone shouted, "Wait!" I watched in bewilderment as a very waterlogged Lily Evans came running up to me, her shoes squelching in the muddy grass. She would've looked bizarre enough without her soaked hair and her flushed face. "Sorry. I'll only be a second," she said breathlessly to the captain, who seemed too bewildered to argue. Then she lifted her chin and stretched her hand toward me, which gave me the fleeting impression that she was offering me a job. "Give me your glasses."

I felt my own face heating up. "Evans, this isn't the best time—"

With an impatient noise, she stole my glasses from my face just like Sirius had done earlier – except she didn't try them on. "Impervius," she murmured, tapping her wand against the lenses. Then she handed them back to me proudly. "There. They'll repel water now."

The difference was incredible. I gaped at her, watching with complete clarity as her face reddened a little more. "I stopped by the library before I came out here," she explained. "You already have so much else against you, so…I suppose I just wanted to give you a fair chance." She said it like it was no big deal, but she could hardly look at me.

I realized my mouth was open, so I closed it. When I opened it again to thank her, I still couldn't find the words. The same phrase was on loop in my mind: You went to the library, learned that spell in less than an hour, and then ran all the way out here…for me?

After a few seconds, I got over my shock. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, and my heart started jumping out of rhythm. "Thanks, Lil," I managed happily.

Her uncharacteristic shyness morphed into a familiar pout. "Don't call me 'Lil'," she said sternly, "and you can thank me by getting on the team."

"That's not going to happen."

My giddy sensation dropped like a rock as I turned to Fletcher. The ginger sixth-year was watching me with his arms crossed.

"Sorry, Potter. You're too young."

Again, Lily cut me off before I could argue. "You're not even going to let him try?" She blurted. She seemed annoyed that her hard work learning that rain-repelling spell would be for nothing.

Fletcher raised his eyebrows at her. "You're asking me if I'd replace my excellent Seeker of three years with a skinny second-year who will probably get knocked off his broom by a strong gust of wind? Is that even a question?"

A hot mix of embarrassment and defiance rushed through me. "I can deal with wind just fine!" I protested. "And the best Seekers are always light!"

"I appreciate your passion, kid, but you should save it for next year."

"What if I tried out for Chaser instead?"

He looked me up and down in disbelief. "You want to be a Chaser? That's the most high-contact position."

"I want to play Quidditch," I responded stubbornly, "and you're missing two Chasers this year. I'm fast, I've got a good arm, and I can do a killer dive. Last year's Chasers scored about once every other minute, and both went on to Puddlemere United. It's going to be tough to replace them. A good Chaser could be the difference between winning the Cup again this year or letting the Slytherins take it. Don't you want to be sure that you have the best player for the position?"

"It can't hurt to let him try," Lily pointed out, batting her eyelashes sweetly.

Fletcher considered me for a long moment, and I started to wonder if I'd gone too far off script. Then he sighed. "Alright, then, line up with the Chasers. Your parents better be alright with this, or you'll be hearing from McGonagall."

I barely restrained the urge to pump my fist into the air. Lily beamed, apparently too caught up in our success to remember to be annoyed at me. The butterflies in my stomach went wild when she turned that big grin to me. She quickly sobered up, but her emerald eyes still shone with happiness. "You'd better do well out there, after all that," she chided. The teasing note in her voice brought on a fresh wave of nerves that had nothing to do with the tryout.

"I will," I vowed, grinning.

We set off in opposite directions – her to the stands, and me to the long line of potential Chasers – but the image of her huge smile lingered in my mind. As I waited for my turn, the fluttering feeling in my gut melted into a warm tingling that spread all the way to my gloved fingertips. I smiled at the raindrops bouncing off of my glasses.

Somehow, the weather didn't feel so dreary anymore.

Thanks to Lily, I did do well. I was so thrilled to be able to see that I performed even better than I'd expected.

Unfortunately, it wasn't well enough.

As my mates and I trekked back to the castle with Hagrid and the girls, our haphazard umbrella shelter couldn't keep the bitterness of my failure from seeping in. Sirius seemed even more upset than I was; he was having trouble restraining himself. "Reserves!" He ranted. "What rubbish! That git has some nerve! You were loads better than the blokes he picked! That one shot you scored – I wanted to cry, it was so good! And that dive where you just barely missed the Bludger? Merlin's pants, James! The others could never have done that! Finnigan Fletcher is either blind, stupid, or an absolute prat for not putting you on the team!"

I chuckled softly. "Thanks, Sirius."

"It really is unfair," Lily chimed in, looking adorably grumpy. My heart did a little flip as I pondered her remark. Was she mad on my behalf, because I'd succeeded in impressing her and she thought I deserved a spot on the team? Or was she was still only annoyed because her hard work of making my glasses waterproof hadn't paid off?

"You did a lot better than I thought you would," Marlene commented, flashing me an approving smirk. As the other girls piled on their agreement, I noticed Lily's scowl growing, but she didn't say anything else.

"Amazin'!" Hagrid roared. "Bloody brilliant! They really missed out, not pickin' yeh."

Suddenly, I realized I didn't feel as down as I should've. Despite the disappointing outcome, the thrill of the tryout hadn't left me yet: the merciless barrage of rain and wind, the carefully balanced weight of the Quaffle in my hands, the rush of adrenaline whenever I dodged a Bludger or scored a goal. I'd flown in my backyard at least twice a week over the summer, but that was nothing compared to a fierce competition in the Hogwarts Quidditch pitch. The experience alone had lifted my mood, and the fact that I'd been allowed to participate at all was worth more consolation than any kind words from my friends.

It would've been nice to be able to fly like that all year, though...

A heavy lump of disappointment lodged itself in my throat. With great effort, I swallowed it. "It wasn't a total waste," I tried to convince myself. "I'll bet I'm the first one Fletcher will call if a Chaser gets hurt or quits."

Sirius was still scowling. "He should've put you on the actual team," he grumbled.

Remus threw him a weary look and then smiled bracingly at me, clearly trying to bring the morale up. "I'm sure you'll get a spot next year!"

"You'd better!" Lily inserted, exasperated. "And you'd better learn that waterproofing spell too, because I'm not sure how long it'll last."

Once again, my mood instantly brightened; Lily just had that effect on me. "Care to give me a private lesson?" I joked with a wink.

She seemed taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"You know, you, me, the library...you like the library, right? You must have a favorite reading nook or something. You could give me a tour."

She blinked at me, her expression torn between embarrassed and offended. "Are you flirting with me, Potter?"

I tensed. Am I...? I hadn't really thought about it before; teasing Lily just seemed natural. But I didn't tease any other girls like that, and I certainly didn't refer to them as 'cute' in my head. The memory of her smile made the butterflies in my gut double over, and my heart thumped nervously. I wasn't too experienced in these sorts of things – I was only twelve, after all – but I wasn't so naïve to excuse my behavior as normal. Oh, bugger. Do I fancy Evans? Well, that would explain a lot…

"Maybe I am," I responded coolly after a second, adopting a cheeky tone that completely contradicted the marathon going on in my chest.

Her lips curved into a pout that was even cuter and more stubborn than usual. "Well, you can look up that spell yourself, like I did," she said snippily. "Maybe I'll even tell you what book I found it in, providing you swear that you'll never flirt with me again."

When I noticed the pink tinge creeping into her face again, I couldn't hold back a grin. "No promises."

A small growl came from the back of her throat. She fixed her expression in an annoyed scowl and refused to meet my eyes – but the color in her face was deepening.

Hagrid seemed to take it upon himself to change the subject, in that loud and very obvious tone that he tended to use in awkward situations. "Oh! Boys, I've been meanin' teh tell yeh, I've breedin' Nifflers lately fer one of Kettleburn's classes..."

Lily didn't speak another word to me for the rest of the walk back to the castle. I wisely decided not to pest her about it. Every time I glanced at her, she looked ready to hex me, and I didn't want to test my luck. But that didn't stop me from smiling the whole way back.

When we finally split from the others in the common room, Sirius spilled the wary comment I could tell he'd been holding in all this time:

"You're barking up the wrong tree, mate."

"What do you mean?" I asked, faking ignorance.

His pout, I noted, was not nearly as cute as Lily's. "You know what I mean. This business with Evans – it's risky. She already thinks we're annoying, and I doubt you asking her for a dork-date at the library is going to make it any better. She looked like she wanted to punch you."

"Nah, she'll come around," I insisted. "You'll see."

"Do you really fancy her?" Peter interjected curiously.

I shrugged, doing my best to look indifferent. "I just think she's fun to mess with, that's all."

Sirius watched me with a look between exasperation and pity, like I was a carefree puppy who didn't understand what was so wrong about digging holes and chewing furniture. "You're going to end up with bugs crawling out of your ears," he predicted.

"Or bats flying out of your nose," Remus murmured.

"The risk is what makes it fun," I reasoned, smirking. "It's just like Quidditch or sneaking around under the cloak. What's life without a little danger?"

Sirius snorted. "Fine, Casanova. Don't say I didn't warn you."

I didn't think I needed a warning. Remembering my interaction with Lily on the Quidditch pitch, I couldn't help but grin. I knew I annoyed her, of course, but I was positive now that she didn't really dislike me. That lovely auburn-haired, green-eyed, sharp-tongued girl may treat me as her enemy, but what kind of person would go out of their way to give their enemy a fair chance in a sport in which they had little to no investment?

The tryout may not have gone the way I wanted, but I was right in thinking that it hadn't been a waste. I felt like I'd lost one competition and won another...and I had a strange feeling that I'd gotten a better reward than I'd anticipated.