The Ongoing Struggle Chapter 2, a big bang theory fanfic

Disclaimer:

Trigger Warning:

This story will revolve around mental health and dark thoughts that comes along with it. I will put specific warnings before chapters with triggering topics.

Chapter 2:

Once she came home, she decided to start watching Gilmore Girls; this show always cheered her up and made her smile. She changed into her comfortable clothes and started watching the show while eating her dinner and she had to admit that the recommendation that the man at the restaurant gave her was on point. Sheldon was it? she wondered to herself about his name.

If it wasn't for the rudeness he first demonstrated, Amy would have been much keener to admit that it was a good dish, but she knew he was right.

Somewhere deep down in her mind, she wished she could see him again to thank him for the recommendation.

Little did she know that her chances of meeting him are much bigger starting tomorrow.

It was a rough night for Amy. All the excitement and mostly anxiety, about starting to work at a new place didn't let her sleep as good as she hoped she would, and she ended up waking up in the middle of night more than once and then going back to sleep.

Even though her work wouldn't change since she would still work as a researcher, she will have a new lab, a new boss, new colleagues aside from Brooke, and those things made her anxious.

She was scared she would fail and would not meet Cal-Tech's expectations from her, even though she knew she was good at her job, she couldn't help but feel anxious.

When the morning came Amy woke up before her alarm clock, which wasn't anything new to her. She got up and took a shower to try and calm her nerves. She tried to let go of any thought that will make her anxious and focus on the warm water washing her body and making her feel warm inside.

After finishing getting ready for the day, Amy went to her kitchen and made herself a cup of tea and put a slice of bread in the toaster, making herself something to eat so she won't starve until lunch time.

While waiting for toast to be ready Amy grabbed a few energy bars and put them in her purse, so she'll have something to snack on during the day.

Once the toast was ready, she put butter on it and grabbed her tea and went to sit in the dining area. It took Amy a while until she was fully awake, so she usually sat in silence while drinking her tea and eating. Sometimes she was reading the news or scrolling through her social media, or even getting caught up with new things in neurobiology, but today she tried to just clear her mind and she didn't want to be bothered by the news or by social media. She just wanted to have a quiet morning.

It was 7:30 a.m. when Amy took a deep breath and went to the sink with her empty tea mug and empty plate to wash them up. She was still extremely nervous about her first day at Cal-Tech, but deep down, very deep down, she knew she could do it and that everything will be alright.

During the entire ride to Cal-Tech Amy tried not to dwell too much on what will happen if she will fail or mess up even the smallest things, and for some part it worked, and for the other she felt a panic attack forming in her throat, stomach, skin. Basically, she felt every nerve in her body tensing up and the beginning of the sensations of wanting to crawl own of her own skin.

Amy was able to calm herself down by the time she parked her car at Cal-Tech, but started to feel a bit nervous as she made her way to HR where she met Brooke. They greeted each other quietly and it was pretty clear that they were both nervous to start their first day at their new work place.

About an hour later, Amy and Brooke were on their way to meet the head of the department once again and the head of the research they will be working on, and then finally they were in the comfort of their respective new laboratories.

Unlike other times, this time Amy was going to have a lab all to herself. Brooke was Amy's assistant for a long time now, and the move to Cal-Tech was a great opportunity for Brooke to come as Amy's assistant, but at the same time to start her own path as a researcher, so it was decided by Amy, Brooke and Cal-Tech to give Brooke a lab of her own so she will have more freedom to work as researcher and not only as Amy's assistant.

It was the first time that Amy will have a lab all to herself, without Brooke, and that was another thing that made her even more anxious. She felt as though she will mess things up since she didn't have Brooke right by her side. Granted, Brooke was in the lab right next to hers, but those thoughts kept bothering Amy all the same.

Even though Amy knew somewhere deep down, that she could handle things and manage her own lab without Brooke, those insecurities were far too strong and it took a lot of work from Amy to keep going as if everything was alright and not to let anyone know that she was constantly anxious. Another thing that Amy knew, was that once she will start working alone and see that she's doing well, her anxiety will decrease, but at the same time it will still be there. At a lower level perhaps, but still lingering, nonetheless.

Amy stood in the middle of her lab, still nervous about all the changes. She took a deep breath and started to familiarize herself with her new lab and the new equipment that she had in it. She turned on her computer and opened her mail to see the instructions she had from her boss for her first day and her first week at work.

Her first week, and her first day in particular, wasn't so busy – it was mainly focused on learning about the new research and her part in it, and that is exactly what Amy did for the rest of the day until she felt her stomach starting to growl.

She looked at her watch and realized it was lunch time. She sent a quick message to Brooke, asking her if she wanted to come to lunch with her, but Brooke said she wasn't hungry yet, so Amy decided to go by herself.

Amy figured that it was a good thing she went alone to lunch, in a way, because this way she might get to know new people and not just be with Brooke the entire time. She loved Brooke, but more than once, Amy felt that she needed to meet other people that were not related to Brooke and that she needed to do it on her own, without Brooke around.

Even though Amy had that feeling today when she went to the cafeteria, she still sat alone at a table and looked around, tying to understand and read the map of her new surroundings.

She was deep in thoughts when she heard voice turns to her.

"Hey. Do we know each other?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Amy turned to look at the bespectacled short man who turned to her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you, but my friends and I were wondering if you are new here and I told them that you seemed familiar to me." The man said and was about to leave when Amy looked at him intently, trying to remember if she knows the man in front of her.

She was about to tell him that she is not sure if they know each other, when a tall man came and stood next to him.

"Leonard, of course she looks familiar to you, it's the woman from the Chinese restaurant."

That condescending man again, Sherman, was it? What is he doing here? Amy thought to herself.

"I guess that's why I was familiar." Amy smiled a short smile and kept busing herself with her food.

The men were about to leave, when the short man named Leonard turned to her once more and the tall man stood by him, rolling his eyes.

"So, are you new here? I've never seen you here previously."

"Oh. Yes, I am. I'm Doctor Amy Farrah Fowler, a neurobiologist." Amy said.

"Doctor Leonard Hofstadter, experimental physicist, and this is Doctor Sheldon Cooper, theoretical physicist, and my friends Howard and Raj sit right there." Leonard said and stretched out his hand to shake Amy's at the same time he pointed to the table where said friends were sitting and smiled shortly at Amy.

"Nice to meet you." Amy said to both men.

The entire time that Leonard introduced them, Sheldon seemed extremely unhappy with the entire situation.

"Alright, pleasantries were made, can we go and eat now?" Sheldon asked, quite rudely.

"Since when are you waiting for me to sit to eat lunch?" Leonard berated his friend.

"Since you needed my eidetic memory to help you recall where do you remember this woman from." Sheldon answered in the same condescending tone.

"Well, you can go ahead." Leonard said, and at that Sheldon left to sit where their friends were seated.

"I'm sorry about him. He has troubles with… everyone. Anyway, welcome to Cal-Tech and if you need anything, I'd be happy to help you." Leonard said and nodded at Amy.

"Thanks" Amy said and nodded back.

Amy kept eating her lunch and from time to time she sneaked looks at the table where Leonard and his rude friend were sitting. She wondered what Leonard meant when he said that his friend has troubles with everyone.

Though by his condescending attitude it wasn't too hard to figure out what was his problem.

A/N:

Hey everyone. I can't believe I'm writing again. It's been a rough year for me, as I'm sure it was for everyone else around the world.

I've dealt with a lot and I am still dealing with a lot, but I think that things are slowly starting to shape in a better way. I'm constantly working on my mental health and I want to remind everyone who is battling with mental health, that it's okay that somedays you won't feel at your best – it is not a linear progress. Some days you might feel awesome and some days you might feel like you've taken 20 steps back – remember that and don't beat yourself up. I'm talking from experience.

And most importantly – find the help that is right for you!