AN: to reiterate the warnings: an OP!Naruto and a Fem!Sasuke. Definitely contains gross abuse of completely canon things that Kishimoto did not think through.

Hiruzen would have frequent nightmares about his decision regarding Naruto, plagued by the fact that the village he headed had been founded precisely to shield children from the realities of shinobi life. ANBU was not a place for a small boy. However, as he saw the child's smile hesitantly return, as he surprised him latched onto Cat's, Hound's or Tiger's leg, as he heard him laugh again (even though it was a rare happenstance), Hiruzen was comforted in his belief that he had done the right thing.

There is a price to be paid for everything, however. In exchange for Naruto's heart healing, Hiruzen exposed him to behaviours and knowledge no child had had access to since the warring states era. Once in the care of his special operators, Naruto, much like a child was prone to do, simply mimicked the way the world around him worked, much like a dry sponge that absorbs water.

The child never questioned the lessons, as indirect as they were, on ninjutsu. Martial arts came to him as swimming came to a fish. Throwing knives sharpened to kill was the most amusing of all games. Hiding under the toton jutsu made for incredibly thrilling hide-and-seek challenges. Anatomy, assassination and asymmetrical warfare tactics were simply some of the numerous subjects regularly discussed by Naruto's siblings.

Obviously, Naruto only imitated his brothers and sisters, eager to prove he could be like them. What little brother did not? The problem was that he took to the various ninja arts with a proficiency not seen since Hashirama Senju, proving at the same time he was indeed the son of two of the most talented shinobi of Konohagakure history. At some point (when he started experimenting with fudajutsu, in fact), it was deemed safer to teach Naruto formally, in fear that he would blow himself up with an imperfectly drawn explosive tag.

The ANBU rapidly discovered two things about Naruto. Firstly, the boy had incredible chakra reserves that soon became boundless as they trained him into using the internal energy. His instructors drilled him relentlessly in chakra control as well, making him able to virtually exhaust any potential enemy. Secondly, Naruto healed fast, which allowed him to train almost day in and day out, the recovery time normally needed for muscles and joints to reinforce themselves gradually being reduced to mere hours.

His faculties were gleefully abused by the ANBU operators, who were delighted to see their little brother take to ninjutsu with such ease. It was Hound who first theorized the Shadow Clone training method, inadvertently (or so the man alleged) doing so within earshot of the boy. Naruto broke into the secured ANBU vault and learned the replication jutsu by himself, in an hour. The capacity of the chakra clones to transfer residual memories allowed Naruto's training speed to skyrocket to new heights.

Naruto was seven when he took his first, self-appointed mission. One day, Wolf did not return from an operation and Naruto knew loss for the first time in his life. Loss froze him like the worst chill of winter. Loss flayed his flesh, crushed his throat, tore his chest open with cries. Loss was unpleasant and had to be avoided. One day after the burial ceremony, the boy departed from the village, entirely undetected, with a single kunai in hand. He came back almost a month later, drenched by rain, covered in mud and blood, carrying the rotten head of Shinzo of Iwa, the man who had killed Wolf.

Naruto was fed something warm, counselled for days before being severely punished, locked up in his room for an entire month and monitored at all times. He accepted it without a word of protest, secure in the fact he had erased a threat to his siblings, using the change in his usual schedule to further his knowledge of fuin- and fudajutsu.

Exactly twenty days after Naruto was let out, Hawk died. Security was immediately tightened to an absurd extreme around the boy. Naruto disappeared again, much to the ANBU operators' secret pride and the Hokage's sincere annoyance. He came back after three weeks, with a scroll containing the heads of the culprits hanging from his belt.

After much arguing between his siblings and his grandfather, Naruto was asked to demonstrate how he had taken down four B-rank nuke-nin. Naruto simply sped past a training dummy with the shunshin, slapping the target golem on the chest, the momentary contact more than enough for an unknown tag, etched from pure chakra, to appear on the mannequin. A fraction of a second later, the tag detonated into a perfect sphere of pitch-black darkness, which disintegrated the dummy. After more arguing between his siblings and his grandfather, Naruto was made an official part of the ANBU.

He was eight when Naruto became Wolverine. As for his creation, Houkai Fuda, it was declared a kinjutsu.

A few weeks later, he met Weasel and Crow, who became his juniors. Naruto was filled with immense pride at having siblings to protect and teach. The fact he was younger than them by four and eight years respectively did not matter. His seniority in ANBU primed over everything else and even his older siblings all agreed. Crow and Weasel were disgruntled at first but a thorough correction administered by their loving brother Wolverine corrected their erroneous views.

The trio, under Hound's command, ploughed through mission after mission for an entire year. They quelled an uprising in Grass Country, stopped an infiltration attempt by Iwagakure and reminded Kumogakure of the official frontier between Lightning Country and the Land of Hot Water.

In spite of their spotless mission report, however, things became tense as Crow and Weasel both distanced themselves from their two teammates. There were rumours circulating at the highest echelons of command that something was happening with the Uchiha clan. There were words of a coup, a rebellion, a civil war.

Wolverine had to literally pull a tooth out of Weasel's mouth (an incisive) after thoroughly wasting him with body shots to get the truth from him. It almost came too late; Crow was already dead when the boy was told everything he wanted to know and Naruto experienced anger for the first time in his life.

It was not merely the twisted "education" he had received before his time in ANBU. It was not him doing unto others what they did unto him simply because he was a child mimicking the behaviours of the people around him. At the time, his heart had been innocent and his mind unknowing; that the people had decided to dye him with hate and cruelty was beyond his control. How could it be wrong to imitate what others did? If others did it, then it was obvious he was justified in doing it too.

No, when the machinations of Danzo Shimura were revealed to him, Naruto was awash with something new. It burned scaldingly hot, pouring in his veins like molten metal. And yet, much like a winter night after the blizzard, it brought a frozen clarity to his mind. It crystallized his focus into a perfect blade, giving him the singular certainty that two very specific heads had to roll. Nothing else mattered. The sensation came entirely from him and the decision to act upon it was solely his.

Danzo, the man directly responsible for Shisui Uchiha's death and indirectly behind the discontent of the Uchiha clan, died gruesomely. A mysterious masked man, whose remains later identified as Obito Uchiha, a shinobi thought deceased more than fifteen years ago, followed soon after for spreading traitorous ideas among the Uchiha clan and planning on murdering the members to the last.

Naruto would have found the man's arrogance funny if he had not been so beyond himself with rage. It was not a fight: riding the high of having some sort of intangibility ninjutsu made the masked man forget that he still had a glaring weakness.

The need to breathe.

The ringleaders of the coup were arrested, judged and condemned, mostly to have their chakra locked. Weasel was deprived of pocky for withholding crucial intelligence from Wolverine. As for Hiruzen, Naruto made sure he had nothing but orange clothes to wear for the entire month that followed, as punishment for considering sending his little brother Weasel to slaughter his own family.

For the second time in his life, Naruto saved Konohagakure. It earned him the rank of ANBU captain at age ten.

Naruto was dressed in his nicest attire when he presented himself at the entrance of the Sarutobi clan compound: a plain muted orange and dried green kimono. The guard easily recognized him, greeted him with a small bow and allowed him passage.

As one of the major clans of the village, the Sarutobi owned an extensive piece of land where they almost all lived. It was one of the more modest compounds, compared to, say, the Hyuuga, the Uchiha or the Senju but it was still spacious. Perhaps the starkest difference was that every building in the Sarutobi domain was quite modern. Where the Senju and Uchiha prefered traditional structures of wood, the Sarutobi had opted for bricks and glass.

The houses were still admirably intertwined with the surrounding forest, many even built on top of a few particularly thick and sturdy trees. They were scattered as well, linked through discreet paths rather than organized in blocks and framed by streets. Much like in the Nara clan compound, nature was intimately respected here. A variety of small apes were running around, capuchins and macaques.

A monkey of a different kind came at Naruto with a flying tackle. The blond teen caught the twelve years old brunette rocketing towards him, lifting the younger boy off the ground and fluidly hoisting him on his back.

"Naruto-nii!"

"Hello, Konohamaru," answered the blond sedately, his lips nonetheless imperceptibly arching in the ghost of an unconscious smile, a hint of warmth seeping into the flat of his tone.

"It's been so long," whined the brown-haired boy. "Where were you, nii-chan?!"

"Busy on missions, Konohamaru."

"What did you do?! Did you save a princess?!" The young Sarutobi asked with enthusiasm, his imagination running wild.

"No, I did not. I cannot tell you the nature of my missions, as most are classified."

The boy pouted. "I know, I know. That's no fun, nii-chan. I don't see you anymore."

"I do send a shadow clone as often as I can."

"But that's not the same," protested Konohamaru, his lips pursed in disappointment. Naruto's replicas were absolutely perfect, down to the smell, the body heat and the one broken upper-left canine but they were not Naruto. Konohamaru wanted his brother. The boy knew he was selfish but sometimes, not even the next best thing was enough.

"I see." Truly, Naruto did not but if his almost-brother told him as such, it must be true. "Well, I cannot make any promises but chances are, I will be a bit more available in the coming future."

"For real?! Yes, awesome! I wanna show you a jutsu I've been working on! It's doton and-"

"Not now," interrupted Naruto, matter-of-factly. "I doubt your parents would appreciate you being all muddy."

The boy rasped his knuckles against the blond locks of his older brother. "I'm not sayin' now, Naruto-nii. When are you free? I should be able to-"

"You are not giving the slip to Iruka Umino again."

"Moo, nii-chan!" Konohamaru grumbled, "the Academy is so boring."

"It is boring because you do not pay attention to what you are taught."

"Nah! It's boring because what we're taught is boring!"

"I highly doubt it."

Before Konohamaru could try to convince Naruto about the sorry state of shinobi education in Konohagakure, the pair arrived in front of a rather large house. Naruto politely knocked; he was invited to enter a few seconds later by a brown-haired woman who shared her eyes and nose with Konohamaru.

"I found this stray on the path. I believe it is yours, miss Kanna," greeted Naruto, his tone not hitching a notch as he spoke.

The woman smiled. "You're getting better but you need to put some mirth in your voice, Naruto-chan."

The teen frowned minutely. "I see." Truly, he did not but if his almost-aunt said so, it must be true.

"Come in, you two. And Koko-chan, go wash your hands."

"I know, mom," protested the mortified young boy before he scampered off to the nearest washroom. "I'm going!"

Naruto bowed slightly. "Are you well, miss Kanna?"

"Yes, Naruto-chan, yes I am. What about you?"

"I am adjusting to novelty. I admit, it has been jarring."

"Oh, dear. If there is anything you wish to discuss, I'm here for you, you know that, right?"

"Thank you." Naruto fished inside a fold of his kimono for a rolled scroll. "Thank you for inviting me this evening as well."

Kanna accepted the present with fond exasperation on her face. "I told you, Naruto, you do not need to bring something every time I invite you."

"Etiquette requires I do. They are flowers."

Kanna rolled her eyes, muttered a rather colourful curse aimed at her father-in-law but said nothing more. "Thank you, Naruto-chan. I'm sure they are lovely. Now, come in. The appetizers are on their way."

The living room was already occupied by five other persons. One was a boy around Naruto's age, Kosuke, brown-haired much like Konohamaru but much stockier and with a stronger jawline, sharing a strong resemblance with the two adults sitting nearby. Sarutobi Hanzo and Asuma were Konohamaru's and Kosuke's father and uncle, respectively. In a chair resembling a throne, Hiruzen Sarutobi was enjoying his pipe alongside a glass of brown liquid.

"Oh, great, he is here," spat Kosuke under his breath yet loud enough every member of his family could hear him clearly. His mother sent him a glare that immediately cowed him while his father sighed.

"Good evening, Naruto," greeted Asuma, a tall, solidly built jonin.

The man was one of Naruto's almost-uncles, secretly his favourite because Asuma had taught him how to cut things with fuuton. Hanzo, Asuma's older brother, was an excellent ninja too but katon was not Naruto's preferred nature transformation.

The last person in attendance was a dark-haired, ruby-eyed lady Naruto knew to be Asuma's girlfriend. She was clad in a red dress that breathed elegance yet was ample enough to almost entirely dissimulate her curving belly.

"Good evening, Asuma, Hanzo, Oji, miss Kurenai. I would wish you a good evening, Kosuke but I believe it would be wasted on you."

Hiruzen clapped his hands before his grandson could sour the atmosphere with his retort - children were complicated sometimes.

"We are here tonight to celebrate Naruto's official promotion to jonin."

Kosuke's features twisted in a baleful expression for a second but the assembled people paid it no mind. Konohamaru arriving and crowing that both his brothers were awesome for making chuunin and jounin relaxed the atmosphere and the evening progressed pleasantly. Kanna's food, as usual, tasted prodigious, Hanzo's sake was a costly vintage and Hiruzen had prepared a special blend of green tea for dessert.

Naruto remained mostly quiet, his small smile still unconsciously arching his lips. The Sarutobi, used to the fact their host had a silent disposition, took no offence, easily finding subjects of discussion as far removed from the shinobi life as possible, careful to engage the teen as regularly as they could.

Later that night, as he slowly trailed back to his flat, a slight buzz going thanks to the alcohol and the smoke of his Oji, Naruto decided that leaving the ANBU had not left him as alone as he feared it would. His masked siblings occupied an immovable space in his heart. He had shared his first games with them - even though they were about how to most efficiently murder another human being, knew and endured his first loss with them, was moulded by their views and beliefs and had inherited their creed.

Wolverine was worried about his siblings, especially about Weasel who had a preoccupying tendency for self-sacrifice that no amount of beatings had quite corrected. He would visit them frequently. Nonetheless, he trusted them to pull through; they were excellent warriors and better teammates.

Naruto the jounin, however, was not without family and he was grateful for the Sarutobi to have reminded him of that. With the animus of the villagers seemingly mostly appeased and an opportunity for a life in the open, maybe Naruto could come to make Konohagakure his home.

The rest of the week was a quiet affair. Naruto met with Mikoto Uchiha, who was not at all Weasel's mother, to discuss a bit about her daughter Sasuke and her general temperament. He departed with a bag of perfectly ripe tomatoes, as he did when he visited (occasionally) the Uchiha matriarch. Then, as he was already in the compound, he visited Izumi Uchiha, who was not at all Weasel's girlfriend and offered her some pocky to share with her not-boyfriend. The following day, he visited Mebuki Haruno to inquire about Sakura.

Naruto trained with Konohamaru. Doton was not a nature manipulation he was proficient with. In fact, apart from fuuton, Naruto was not proficient in any other nature manipulation. Chakra recombination was not the reason why he was the youngest S-rank shinobi of Konohagakure, Naruto's strength with sheer shape manipulation and fine control. Nonetheless, he was still a jounin with a few years under his belt and helped the youngest Sarutobi to get creative with his new jutsu.

Being creative was much, much more important for a ninja than knowing an obscene amount of ninjutsu and flinging them around like an asshole but aspiring shinobi were often too taken by the sirens of "awesome" jutsu to realize this most fundamental truth. As for Naruto, he had been raised to be crafty, sadistically so.

The teen had been warned against inculcating too much viciousness in Konohamaru by his Oji, the old man citing the most likely displeasure of Miss Kanna but Naruto reasoned that what Miss Kanna did not know would not hurt her. It would drastically help keep Konohamaru alive as well.

The sole thought of Konohamaru dying was intolerable to Naruto. The teen knew he would hate it. He knew, intimately, that his rage would dwarf that which he had felt on the day of Crow's death. So, admittedly selfishly, not that he cared in the least, Naruto trained Konohamaru not to be an asshole but an efficient and deadly shinobi who would win and stay alive instead.

A day before having to meet his team, Naruto found himself at the entrance of the Nara clan compound. The teen had judged courtesy dictated he introduce himself to Shikaku Nara, the jonin-commander of Konohagakure. Obviously, the man knew about him; the Hokage would have sent the necessary briefing. Nonetheless, Naruto thought it would be polite to acknowledge his direct superior immediately after Kakashi Hatake.

Naruto was led to a traditional wooden house, where he saw two men sat on the southern engawa. He had requested an audience, so was a bit surprised to see the head of the Nara clan deep in a game of shogi against a boy of Naruto's age who looked so starkly like his challenger, he could only be his heir.

Naruto bowed. "Jonin-commander Nara, jonin-lieutenant Uzumaki reporting. I thought I would introduce myself as I now am under your command."

"You can relax, kid. Take a seat."

"I would not want to intrude."

"I'm about to show Shika why he's still only chuunin so I'm with you in a minute."

The comment, made off-handedly, seemed to prodigiously irritate the brown-haired teen but Naruto noticed he quickly schooled his features into a bored mask. The blond teen sat down and observed the game in silence. Indeed, a minute later, the game of shogi was over, "Shika" having been thoroughly trounced by the Nara clan-head.

"Congratulations," Naruto offered politely.

The other teen spared him a glance and sighed. "Troublesome. Well, I'm off, dad."

"Sure, Shika. Don't sprain anything going too hard."

"Shika" snorted and rose to his feet slowly, with a grimace as if it were the most difficult thing he had done today. Dragging his feet, he left the engawa, directed his steps towards a tree under which he lay.

"You know, Uzumaki-san, sometimes I curse you."

Naruto blinked. Dislike was something he was used to but he had not expected the jonin-commander to be so blunt about it.

Shikaku sighed and waved lazily. "Not because I hate you or anything. But being who you are and doing what you do, you have deprived my son and his generation of dangers. Shikamaru still thinks he can take it easy. And why wouldn't he? Fire Country has rarely been safer. Orochimaru is dead. No nuke-nin would dare set foot inside our lands, for fear of the Wolverine hunting them."

Naruto shrugged. It was not his problem if the Nara heir was lazy.

"Not that it's your fault if Shikamaru is a lazy bum, is what you must be thinking. Correct?"

"Yes. I'm not responsible for any lack of personal motivation in other people." Unless they were under his direct command, in which case he would lay the proper discipline unto them.

"Indeed, you are not. And yet." Shikaku's gaze suddenly became piercing, the charcoal of his eyes burning with riveting intensity. The man's spine straightened and Naruto thought that maybe, the scars disfiguring the jonin-commander were not simply for show. "Yet, you've been assigned to team seven. The team that forms the leaders of Konoha's tomorrow. Team eight, nine and ten dish out excellent advisors, generally speaking, but team seven is the team of the Hokage."

Naruto frowned minutely. "I am not sure I follow."

Shikaku scoffed. "I'm quite sure you do, Uzumaki-san."

"Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura Haruno-"

"Are excellent chuunin, will make outstanding jonin. That is the extent of what their profiling predicts."

"Itachi-"

"Isn't fit and has been judged safe where he is, for now. He will be discharged in two years if our analysis holds."

"I suffer from various mild cognitive deficiencies. I do-"

"You were an esteemed ANBU captain," retorted Shikaku flatly. "You found the middle ground to a crisis that threatened to destroy Konoha. You stopped an enemy jinchuuriki from rampaging in our walls and saved countless people during the Suna and Oto invasion. You neutralized our most wanted criminal." The man enumerated matter-of-factly.

"So did countless other shinobi. That is what my duty expects of me."

Shukaku chuckled.

"What about Kakashi Hatake?"

"He will hold the seat for a few years at best. He is already too old to grow into this role. It is time for the new blood to replace the old guard." Shikaku smiled. "Meaning my son's lack of motivation will very much be your problem," cackled the Nara clan head.

Naruto sat still for a few seconds before his minute frown deepened ever so slightly. "You are an unpleasant man, Shikaku Nara."

"I know. Jonin-lieutenant Uzumaki, this is my first order to you, as the jonin-commander: you are to familiarize yourself and fraternize with your generation and acquire their loyalty. The propaganda office of the Hokage Tower has done its job regarding the civilians, it's yours to convince your peers."

Naruto was sorely tempted to wring the man's neck. He was not sure why, just that the urge was here. He knew he could; he was the superior shinobi. In less than a blink, literally, he could be behind the Nara and have him stabbed eight times before realisation would settle in. He could even make it look like a suicide. Instead, he bowed. "Understood."

"Dismissed."

"Good day, Shikaku Nara," answered Naruto as he rose to his feet.

The teenage boy departed the compound lost in a chaotic whirlwind of thoughts, his mind ablaze with countless questions, not the least being how one was supposed to initiate interaction with people his age. He never had to before. Considering how Kosuke Sarutobi regarded him, he was bad at it even. The ANBU were naturally his siblings. His Oji had introduced him to his family and the adults had taken it upon themselves to make him feel included. Konohamaru did not question any of his quirks, eyes too full of wonder to consider his older brother as anything but awesome.

Other teenagers though? This was unknown territory for Naruto. What is more, he was supposed to gain their loyalty. He had not ever had to do that. Any new recruit questioning his legitimacy in ANBU was punished with body shots and fell in line, no hard feelings. Then, he trained his younger siblings not to be useless and gave his all to protect them on missions, as was his duty as the older brother. That was how ANBU worked. That was what he had done with Konohamaru, only softer because the young Sarutobi was so much more fragile than an ANBU recruit.

Silently, he cursed the Hokage for getting him out of ANBU, especially for such a harebrained reason. Speaking of, it seemed his Oji would have to deal with orange clothes for a month or so. That would teach him to blindside Naruto.

AN: fudajutsu designates the "art of tags", while fuinjutsu is the "art of seals". Feel free to leave a review.