Chapter Start
Subaru and Rem were out running errands in Arlam village. Roswaal had told them to go get some wood. He didn't specify why they needed it but Rem didn't want to question him and Subaru just woke up so he didn't take notice of what was happening.
"Yawn Rem hurry up, I'm getting sleepy."
Rem, who was getting wood from a nearby trader, made a small gesture with her hand signaling Subaru that she was almost done.
Subaru was at the verge of collapsing so he did what any reasonable person would do in such a situation, he took off his jacket, folded it into a pillow and went to sleep.
Rem came by a couple minutes later but found Subaru sound asleep. She decided to let him sleep and went to the mansion with the wood that her master requested, leaving the villagers to watch over him.
Time Skip
Subaru woke up on the cold hard ground to the smell of something burning. He saw a big smoke cloud in the direction of the manor. At first he didn't process it, but after a few moments he ran as fast as his underused legs could take him towards the fire.
What he witnessed next scared him for life.
In the middle of the courtyard he saw a big wooden cross surrounded by fire. That by itself would have been bad, but what was on the cross was what really affected him.
It was bruised and beaten Emilia who was barely clinging to life.
Subaru decided he should use RbD and he jumped into the fire hoping beyond hope that he could save her.
His hopes were dashed when he woke up in front of the scene again. Thinking this was a fluke he jumped into the fire again.
Again
Again
Again
Again
It was all a futile attempt.
At the end he broke down in front of the fire with no one to comfort him.
He cried
He cried until his eyes dried up
Even then he still cried
He cried and cried and cried
Until someone walked up to him.
"Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him and he will do this. He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun." Roswaal read without needing to read his bible, looking up to the sky with his hand up in a gesture. The crazed lunatic kept ranting, not caring about his dead maids or the mournful boy behind him.
Subaru couldn't care less anymore, nothing mattered, Emilia was gone, and so was everyone else. He wanted this to be over with. He wanted to go home and forget all of this.
'Dammit why was I so rude to my parents. They just wanted me to be safe and happy. Rem did too, yet he pushed her away. Ram helped him learn about this world and he couldn't repay her now. Beako saved his life multiple times, he didn't even know what happened to her. How slothful. Puck entrusted him to save his daughter, and now... Emilia. Emilia. Emilia. EMILIA.
He looked down at his knees trying to lift his eyes to meet her corpse but he didn't have the willpower to lay his disgusting eyes on her. He could only shed tears as his colorful world was drained away leaving a black and white husk. The flames that once harmed yet were cruelly dazzling simply left nothing but harm.
He couldn't hear Roswaal's manic verses, he couldn't hear the sizzling of flame and the architecture being burnt down, he couldn't hear Emilia's hair drifting in the polluted air. He heard and saw nothing in this dull world.
Even his last salvation, death, was taken away from him by the witch.
Subaru Natsuki had finally cracked.
Chapter End
A/N
I dont fucking know. Just kill me now. Please, anyone.