Notes: For everyone who asked, here is the second part (of three?), with Capt. James musing over the fact he has feelings for a soldier.

The last night

James sighs, perhaps too deeply, because Sirius turns to watch him, his face still half-covered with shaving cream.

'What?'

James blinks. 'What what?'

'You've been sighing all night', Sirius notes, turning to the mirror, the razor stable on his hand as he carefully shaves his beard. 'Well, all week, but Remus told me not to mention'.

'I'm not sighing. I am just breathing'.

'Loudly. Looking a little pathetic too, mate. I should warn you as your best friend'.

'Shouldn't you have warned me before?'

'So do you admit you are sighing, Captain Prongs?', Sirius teases, slipping in their old childhood nicknames.

James doesn't answer; he can't think of anything clever to say, which unfortunately has been a constant in his life ever since he found someone wittier than him. But rather than being put off by it, James had only enjoyed the bantering, the clever remarks, until he found himself engaging in discussions with that funny quiet soldier only to see what he would say.

Evans was on duty guard tonight, though, which meant that James was left watching Sirius using the mirror of the captain's tent to shave his face, already missing their morning runs at sunrise and their conversations during and afterwards. They would be marching tomorrow morning, their unity finally convoked to fight, and though this was all James had waited for in the last weeks, training his soldiers dutifully, he couldn't help but think he would miss soldier Evans' face in the morning, burning with the heat of their run, his green eyes shining both for the exercise as well as for the discussion of whatever subject they would come up with, sometimes letting out that laugh that seemed to entrance James beyond words…

He sighs again.

'See! You keep doing it!', Sirius shakes his head. 'It's unnerving'.

'Why is that?'

'Because it looks like you are in love with someone'. James blinks and, when his eyes meet Sirius' in the reflection of the mirror, Sirius stops shaving, looking at him with his eyebrows raised. 'Oh my, you are, aren't you?'

Sirius gives one of his bark laughs, the kind that seems to echo in the room, a loud bell in the middle of their camping telling people to come to laugh at their captain.

No one comes, of course.

'How did you manage to find a gal in the middle of nowhere?', Sirius asks, sounding marvelled. 'Is it one of those girls we met during the training in the farmer fields?'

'There were girls?', James asks, surprised. During that training, he had practised stealth with Evans, teaching him how to use the shadows in his favour, hiding behind the orchard trees, walking silently, until Evans had managed to sneak out behind him, his hand covering his neck as if it were a knife.

James remembers feeling the warmth of his hand and shivers starting at the place he was touching him, gulping suddenly nervous. There were no girls in his memory for that day.

'No, then? I thought you had come back flustered… Well, how was it then?'

'No girl, I…', James stops, unsure, but he can trust Sirius and in any case, Sirius couldn't exactly judge him for it, not when James had to cover for him multiple times with Remus. 'I've got to ask you something and you can't laugh'.

'Can't promise that', Sirius answers easily without hesitating. 'If I don't laugh you may think I am taking it too seriously. It would damage my reputation'.

'Your reputation is already bad'.

'Fair enough. I may not laugh, it actually depends on how much silly you are going to —'

'How did you know you like boys?'

Sirius blinks, and to James' relief, he doesn't laugh; instead, he looks just confused.

'I don't know, I always did'. He stares at James, frowning. 'Where is this coming from? You are not gay, James'.

'I — I am not sure, I mean', he ruffles his hair nervously. 'I never thought I did, I mean, all these years growing up in the army and there was no attraction, really, but then —'

'Then?'

'I can't stop thinking about him ', James whispers, the words leaving his lips at least. 'I miss him when he is not around, and his eyes, those gorgeous green eyes haunt my every dream and I have these urges —'

'Green eyes? Are you talking about Evans?'. James flushes, and it's all the answer that Sirius needs. He shrugs. 'Decent fellow. Not my type, but nice butt, I guess. Those eyes are really gorgeous'.

'That is it?'

'Why is there more to say?'

'Well, sorry for freaking out because I happen to like guys'.

Sirius grins. 'Come here, help me finish this'.

James rolls his eyes, not seeing the point, but he gets closer, taking the razor out of Sirius' hand and neatly finishing to shave his beard.

'So, what do you think?', Sirius asks, arching one eyebrow the way he does to Remus when he wants something. James shrugs.

'What is there to think?'

But Sirius sighs dramatically. 'See? You can't be gay, you feel no attraction to me'.

'Since when fancying you is a requirement?'

'Duh, I am attractive'. Sirius watches him thoughtfully. 'Perhaps you are just attracted to women and one man in particular. It happens'.

'Never happened to me before'.

'Well, first time to everything. Good for you James!'

'It doesn't feel good, I mean, I feel nervous all the time. How does this works? How do you know if they are attracted to you as well? How did you know about Remus?'

Sirius smirks. 'Do you see how Remus looks at me? It was obvious, I just had to wait until he realized it too'.

'A look? That's all?'

'Yeah, well, it's not like people walk around with a tag showing their sexuality. Might be easier, but -'

'Sirius?'

'Oh, yeah, right. Well, make a move'.

'I can't just go to him and try something!'

'Why not? You would if it were a woman'.

James blinks. Sirius' argument sounds reasonable, but he would also be extremely nervous if Evans was a woman too; all the uncertainty if he feels the same, if James isn't the only one who noticed the sparks, the lingering touches, the looks when no one else seems to be noticing…

'Try tonight', Sirius advises calmly. 'We will march tomorrow. So you can even use the "this could be our last night" line. Works wonderfully'.

'I don't want just one last night'.

'James', Sirius looks at him as if he believes he is a lost cause, which James feels isn't that wrong from reality. 'If it works, you two will surely have other nights'.

'And if it doesn't work?'

'Oh, well', Sirius grimaces. 'Then it's good we will be marching to war tomorrow, right?'

One last night.

Sirius' words stay with him, sounding ominous, and James tries to reason that his best friend is just being exaggerated. Sure, it's war , but that doesn't mean it's his only and last chance of sharing his feelings with the young soldier who has been present in every dream he has lately.

Still, he isn't surprised when his seemingly wandering takes him to the place Liam Evans is standing on a vigil for the night, his eyes scanning the darkness in front of him watchfully.

He turns at the sound of his steps, his hand already on the uphill of his sword, and James has a moment of pure satisfaction upon seeing how much Evans has improved since the first time he saw him, how good his reflexes are.

'Oh, Captain, it's you', he says, visibly relaxing upon recognizing him, his voice teasing. Evans only calls him captain as a joke these days.

He always shivers when he hears his name on his lips; they are far away from those days he insisted on treating James too formally.

'At ease, Evans', he replies, voice light too, as if Evans wasn't already at ease. 'How is your patrol?'

'Boring, actually. The most eventful thing that happened was a squirrel'.

'Ugh, they can be dangerous'.

'I threatened him with my bow', Evans says playfully, patting the bow on his back, and James remembers suddenly when he was teaching him how to shot, how he had stood behind Evans correcting his posture and thinking he smelled really nice; he had relived that moment on his dreams too, only Evans had turned to him, and then they were kissing and — 'But he got away. Smart squirrel'.

'You are mean, Evans', he says, forcing his voice to not sound as if he was staring at his lips and wondering if they were as soft as in his dreams. 'Let the poor squirrel have a nice walk. It's a beautiful night'.

'Yes, isn't it?', he agrees, looking up to the sky, and James takes a moment to watch Evans' face, the amazement shining there as he faces the sky. His features are delicate, small nose and cheeks that are always pink, and once more that longing for him burns in James' chest. No one - woman or man - has ever made him feel like that. 'It's too peaceful, it doesn't even look like tomorrow…'

His voice drifts away. James takes a step closer, telling himself it's no big deal. He is just trying to offer him some comfort.

'It's okay to be nervous'.

'I know', Evans says, turning to him, his green eyes shining even in the dim light. 'I am actually… I mean, this is what we've been training for, right? I am just nervous that it's finally here. Tomorrow we will be really marching. To a battle'.

'You are ready', he tells her, but then an uneasiness hits him. So many things can go wrong in a split second, and the mere idea of Evans' eyes staring at him without this spark of life is just too unbearing. 'Just don't let your guard down. And I - I will protect you'.

'And I will have your back', Evans assures him, undeniable fondness on his eyes and James takes another step, unable to resist it. 'You are a great captain. I trust you will all my heart, James'.

It's the way he says it, without any doubt, with so much trust, that breaks through James' hesitation. He sees the way Evans is looking at him, a gleam that doesn't seem exclusively friendly, and he wonders if this is the look that Sirius mentioned.

Well, there is only one way of finding out.

'This could be our last night', he says, and Evans' eyes widen. James feels a sudden panic; this was supposed to be encouraging, not the opposite. 'I mean, I don't think it will be, we have everything under control, I just mean… if it were our last night, what would you want to do?'

That makes Evans blink, but he doesn't look afraid anymore, just thoughtful. He licks his lips, and James' eyes are drawn to that movement, his heart running on his chest faster than when they are on their morning run. It's almost painful, but also makes him not want to give up.

'I would like to be brave', Evans whispers at least, looking at him as if he wants James to read his mind. 'To do something I've been wanting to do for a long time, but I don't know if you — if people would understand it'.

'I…', James takes a deep breath. 'I think I would'.

'Really?', Evans looks at him desperately. He is trembling, and James wants to hold him in his arms. 'You would not be mad?'

'How could I?', he whispers, and then it's Evans that is breathing hard, his face becoming resolute.

'James, I —'

'No, Evans, it's fine', he interrupts him, and then he takes the final step closer, the one that crosses any friendly barrier and speaks clearly of his intentions.

Evans blinks, more surprised than he'd thought so, but he doesn't move, his head raising just slightly and his gaze falling into James' lips for a second before meeting his eyes again; James can't help but grin now, hopeful, because that was a signal, right? So he lowers his head just a little too, their noses touching, and he swears that Evans' eyes are fluttering, almost closed now, and James wants to sing.

After he kisses him.

'Liam', he whispers, and then their lips are brushing and —

And then there is nothing, because Evans takes a step back, his eyes widened now, looking more scared than James had ever seen him.

But his scare is nothing like the panic that James feels right now.

'Sorry!', he cries, dejected, hating himself for reading this all wrongly. 'I - I crossed a line, I am really sorry, soldier Evans'.

'Soldier?', he repeats, his voice weak, and James realizes he never called him that. Perhaps he should. Perhaps then he wouldn't be so brazen in his stupid feelings.

'I beg you to forget this, Evans. I am truly sorry'.

'But I…', he is at a loss for words and James hates to be the reason for it. Evans is looking at him with the most confused expression he has ever seen on his face. 'If anyone is sorry it's me, Ja-James'.

He still loves to hear him speaking his name, but this time it brings a wave of pain also. James had always dreamed too big; he should never have thought that Evans could return his feelings, that he could speak his name with anything but the sort of friendship they had developed in the past weeks.

'You have done nothing wrong', he says automatically. That seems to only fluster Evans more.

'I have, I - it's my fault -'

'No, it's not. I am the captain, I should have known better'.

'James - if you just let me explain -:

He hates how Evans is looking at him sorrowfully, almost pityingly. 'There is nothing to explain. I beg your forgiveness again and… it won't ever happen again, I promise. I will keep my distance'.

There is a pain in his eyes now, and Evans opens and closes his mouth a few times, but no words come out. James doesn't fault him; he just put themselves in the most awkward position.

At least, as Sirius noted, there will be a battle soon to distract them.

'Good night, Evans'.

'I… I am really sorry, James', he whispers, his green eyes now burning sadly and full of guilt James cannot understand.

He walks away without looking back.