Naruto opened his eyes and sat up, the first rays of dawn coming through the window of his room. He got out of his cot and went to get dressed in the clothes he'd laid out last night. The rest of his wardrobe was tucked into a sealing scroll that was already packed into his backpack. Dressed, Naruto put on his pack and took just a moment to reflect on how much he'd changed since he'd first gotten this room six years ago. Then, saying a silent goodbye, Naruto left his room behind. Naruto had made all his farewells last night after dinner, so he didn't bother with waiting. He went straight for the front gate. He exchanged a final handshake with the Watcher and then exited the temple, possibly to never return.
Naruto walked sedately down the road towards Shiarin Town. He reached the town and went for the inn, where Kakashi had rented a room. Naruto exchanged a smile and nod with the proprietor before taking a seat in the common area, waiting for the disguised Jonin to come down.
Kakashi came down about an hour later, back in disguise. He walked up to Naruto, his eyes lighting up. Naruto was reminded that, as far as Kakashi was concerned, this was a monumental triumph. He was finally returning Naruto to Konoha, after over half a decade of exhaustive searching.
"Morning, Naruto."
"Morning, 'Moguza'," Naruto said with an honest smile. "Feel like breakfast here or at our destination?"
"We're in no hurry. Besides, it'll be a lot cheaper to eat here than there." That said, Kakashi waved down the innkeeper and ordered two full breakfasts. As Kakashi and Naruto waited for their meals, Kakashi engaged in small talk. "So I take it your favorite color is orange?"
Naruto looked down at his orange gi with black borders, the same shade as his toga had been yesterday. "What gave me away? What about you?"
"Purple. Dark purple, specifically," Kakashi said, inexplicably blushing a bit.
"I see. So, what's the plan once we reach the village?"
"We'll report to Hokage-sama, then I presume we'll see about getting you an apartment and situated in the village," Kakashi postulated.
Naruto nodded. "Very well. So, you still reading those Icha Icha novels that Jiraiya writes?"
"How do you know about that?" Kakashi asked with a raised brow. Naruto just tapped his temple, reminding Kakashi of their talk yesterday. "Oh, right. Never mind. Yes, I am. They're excellent pieces of literature."
"I never read one. What's the ratio of porn to plot, on average?" Naruto asked, betraying nothing but honest curiosity.
"You're a bit young to be reading them. Wait until you're 18, buy one, and find out for yourself," Kakashi countered.
Naruto sighed. "Fair enough. Though I would argue that age limits for certain pieces of literature and other media are arbitrary and pointless."
"Cry me a river," Kakashi said deadpan.
Their food arrived, and they set about fueling themselves for the day. Once they were done and Kakashi paid, Naruto hefted on his backpack while Kakashi checked out. That done, they both exited the inn and walked down the main road until Shiarin Town had vanished behind them.
"How fast do you want to get to Konoha?" Kakashi asked, itching to move faster.
"You set the pace. I'll keep up," Naruto stated with absolute confidence.
If Kakashi hadn't seen how obscenely large Naruto's chakra reserves were yesterday, he may have doubted that a mere 11-year-old could keep up with a Jonin. As it was, the scarecrow was curious to see just how fast his companion could be. "If you're sure." And with no more warning than that, Kakashi kicked it into high gear, all out sprinting down the road so fast that he vanished into a blur.
Without so much as blinking, Naruto began running at an equal speed and caught up with Kakashi in seconds. Kakashi could only shake his head as the two of them raced down the road to Konoha. Anyone who thought the Order was weak was dead wrong. At the pace they set, the walls of Konoha were visible within 20 minutes. Kakashi held up his fist in the signal for 'stop' and they both slowed down gently to bleed off their momentum.
"I'm almost afraid to ask if you could go any faster," Kakashi said as he breathed deep to make up for the oxygen debt in his system.
Not even out of breath, Naruto shrugged. "If I was motivated, sure." Naruto looked at the slowly approaching walls of Konoha. "When I was a kid leaving this place, I swore I'd never come back. Funny how age and experience can change your perspective on things."
Kakashi looked at Naruto with concern. "Regretting coming back already?"
Naruto turned to Kakashi and gave that sunny grin that could strike a person dumb. "None at all. Now, maybe you should get out of disguise before we reach the gate guards and they ask who the hell you are."
Naruto waited patiently as Kakashi went into the trees to change into his normal appearance. When he emerged, he looked completely different from the 'Moguza' persona Naruto had been dealing with. Naruto chuckled. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone what's behind your mask."
"Much appreciated," Kakashi said back.
They reached the Main Gate of Konoha. Kakashi and Naruto got into the line leading up to the Chunin assigned to handle intakes that day. When it was their turn, Kakashi flashed his Shinobi ID. "Hatake Kakashi, escorting Uzumaki Naruto."
The Chunin nodded and signed their names in the ledger. "Proceed, Hatake-san." As they were walking away they heard the man mutter "Uzumaki… why does that name ring a bell?"
They proceeded through the village towards the Hokage Tower. Naruto looked around, noting places that seemed familiar and things that had changed. The people certainly weren't reacting to him the same. No sneers or deliberate dismissal; the few that noticed him at all gave polite grins. Naruto doubted this new treatment would last once his identity was made public once again. But he'd enjoy it while it lasted.
The two reached the Hokage Tower and, Kakashi using his Shinobi ID to get past all checkpoints, they proceeded to the Hokage's office. Kakashi knocked on the door and Naruto heard a voice he hadn't heard in over half a decade say "Enter." Bracing himself for a reunion, Naruto followed Kakashi into the office.
The office was well-organized, books and scrolls and other documents all in their proper place. Sitting behind the simple wooden desk was Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Third Hokage. Kakashi bowed slightly in respect. "Hokage-sama. I brought him back."
The elderly ninja looked up, eyes honing in on Naruto. A grandfatherly smile spread across his lips when he saw the blond there before him. "Naruto-kun… welcome back, my boy."
"Thanks, Hokage-jiji," Naruto said, using his old nickname for the village leader.
Hiruzen's grin got even wider. "Oh, how I missed being called that. So, Naruto-kun, what brings you back to Konoha?"
Naruto replied honestly, as he'd been raised to in the Order. "I intend to become a shinobi. Konoha was the best option of all the choices once I was aware of all the facts."
"Is that so? Well, we'd be happy to have you. From what I can sense, you're already quite the formidable fighter. I'll give you a few days to get acquainted with the village and then I'll arrange an assessment to determine what rank you should be," Hiruzen stated, leaning back in his chair.
Naruto cleared his throat. "Actually, I'd prefer to start at the bottom. Put me in the Academy."
Both the Hokage and Kakashi were surprised by that. "Are you sure, Naruto? You're at least Tokubetsu Jonin level from what I've seen. You really want to work with a bunch of baby ninja that barely know which end of the kunai to hold?" Kakashi asked.
"My mind is made up. I want to progress from student to Genin to Chunin and so on like every other potential shinobi my age," Naruto stated clearly.
Hiruzen lit his pipe and took a puff. "Very well. If that's your decision, then I shall respect it. As of tomorrow, you'll join the current graduating class."
"Thanks, Hokage-jiji." Naruto readjusted his backpack. "At the moment, I'm homeless. I don't suppose you could help me fix that?"
"Of course." Hiruzen went digging through his stacks and stacks of paper to find a specific piece. The Hokage peered at the most recent apartment listings for Konoha. "What kind of budget do you have?"
"I was given 10,000 ryo as a parting gift from the temple. That's all I have," Naruto answered.
"Hmm. There's an apartment in the same building as Kakashi here. Owned by the village so technically I'm the landlord. 500 a month. Your savings should last until you graduate and become a Genin and start earning money on missions."
"I'll take it," Naruto said simply. He'd have happily camped out in one of the Training Grounds if he had to. Whatever this apartment was like, he'd adapt to it.
"Well, alright then." The Hokage found a few forms in the maze of documents he kept and filled them out. With a stamp of the Hokage's seal, Naruto was officially a tenant. "There we go. Rent is due first of the month. You can move in today." Hiruzen dug in a drawer and pulled out a key and tossed it to Naruto.
"Thanks, Hokage-jiji," Naruto grinned.
"Well, this has been a very pleasant break, but I'm afraid I have to get back to work. See you both later," Hiruzen said, taking the top form from his 'In' box and giving it a read.
Naruto tilted his head. "Um, Hokage-jiji? Wouldn't it be much easier to use Shadow Clones to do all this paperwork?"
The Hokage froze. Then, moving with steady intent and purpose, he placed the Hokage hat to the side and began to bash his head quite violently against his desk. "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"
"Hokage-sama?" Kakashi called out, at a loss of what to do as his commander-in-chief seemed to have a mental breakdown.
The Hokage, still banging his head, held up a finger in a 'one moment' gesture. After another dozen headbutts to the surprisingly sturdy desk, the Sarutobi stopped. "There. Got it out of my system."
Both Kakashi and Naruto were hiding sweat-drops. "Uh, Hokage-jiji? Should I be concerned about this? About you?" Naruto asked delicately.
"Just my way of processing years of pent-up frustration. I've been searching for decades for an answer to paperwork. And you come along and just drop it in my lap as if it were obvious the whole time." Hiruzen made the hand seal for Shadow Clones and created two copies of himself. The two doppelgangers settled in to do the mountain of paperwork while the original grinned and pulled out the latest copy of Icha Icha. "Enjoy the rest of the day, gentlemen. I certainly will!"
Kakashi and Naruto exited the office. "Let's never speak of this," Kakashi said flatly.
"Agreed," Naruto replied right back.
"Let me show you to the apartment building," Kakashi said, leading Naruto out of the Tower. They stuck to the streets like civilians rather than taking to the rooftops. "So, why grow your hair so long?" Kakashi asked.
"You'd be surprised how many Jutsu there are that utilize a person's hair. Jiraiya uses some of them, so Dad tells me. It's a lot of maintenance, but this way even if I were buck naked I'd still have a handy weapon within easy reach," Naruto answered forthrightly.
Kakashi nodded. "Clever."
"I just see it as being prepared. Now, are you aware that a woman has been stalking us since we left the Hokage Tower?"
Before Kakashi could reply, one Mitarashi Anko landed on his shoulders, bending over so she could grin upside-down into Kakashi's uncovered eye. "Hello, lover," she said with her usual sadistic playfulness.
"Hi back," Kakashi said with an unconscious grin. "I take it you missed me?"
"I've banged my way through every half-decent guy in this village. You are in my top 3 easily. When you left yesterday, you deprived me of my new favorite toy. Care to explain yourself?" She demanded, still wrapped around his head.
"I had an off-the-books mission. If I told you, I'd have to kill you, that sort of thing. Sorry for the inconvenience," Kakashi shrugged, even with a kunoichi riding his shoulders.
Anko rolled backwards to land on her feet behind Kakashi. "Anything to do with the blond brat?" she asked, eyeing Naruto up and down and not seeming that impressed.
"Uzumaki Naruto. Pleased to meet you," Naruto said genuinely.
Anko's eyes widened in recognition. "Oh, I see. This is what that cold case was about, wasn't it?"
"Indeed. And naturally the details of said cold case are considered an S-rank secret. So no blabbing," Kakashi said, holding up a finger to his lips.
Anko shrugged. "Eh, so we finally got back our secret weapon. What's the big deal? He's just 10 years old."
"I turn 12 next week. And let's hope the occasion never calls for me to go all out. There'd be quite a lot of property damage," Naruto said with a straight face.
Kakashi gulped. "Right. Anyway, Anko, I promised to show Naruto around town. So if you could just…"
"Sure! I'd love to tag along! What's first on the docket?" Anko grinned, hands on her hips.
At a loss and seeing that Naruto didn't mind, Kakashi sighed. "We were headed for his apartment."
"Lead the way, Kakashi," Anko said, informal as she was with everyone except the Hokage.
The party of three went on towards the apartment complex where Naruto's new home was located. "So what exactly is your relationship supposed to be?" Naruto asked, looking between Anko and Kakashi.
Kakashi coughed. "We haven't actually sat down and tried to define it yet."
Anko rolled her eyes. "We've screwed twice. I intend to keep screwing him until he tells me to stop or I get bored. On the off chance he wants to mix in feelings and make it an actual relationship, I might be convinced to give it a try. Clear enough for you, kid?"
"Yes, thank you, Anko-san," Naruto nodded, unfazed by her brazen language.
They reached the door for Naruto's apartment. Naruto took the key the Hokage had given him and unlocked the door. The three entered to find an empty, aggressively medium-sized room, with two doors leading off into the bedroom and bathroom respectively. At least it had a window, though the view of a back alley wasn't particularly picturesque.
Naruto walked in and surveyed the room. "Well, it's not exactly the Daimyo's palace. Still, it's clean. Yes, I think this will be quite suitable. Just needs a touch here and there." Naruto unshouldered his pack and pulled out a number of sealing scrolls. Then, without even making a hand seal, Naruto made four Shadow Clones.
Anko's jaw dropped. "Did he just…" she sputtered as Naruto and his copies each grabbed one of the scrolls.
"Something I've learned even in just the brief time I've known him: never underestimate Uzumaki Naruto," Kakashi offered as the clones unsealed a number of furniture items, plants, and other decorations. Within 10 minutes, Naruto was fully moved in. The apartment had gone from barren to looking like Naruto had been there for years. Naruto sighed as his Clones dispelled, their jobs done.
"Well, Kakashi, if you're still volunteering as my tour guide, I'd like to see the Academy. Then maybe I can treat you two to lunch after a trip to the supermarket. I'm no Akimichi but I can whip up a decent meal when the situation calls for it," Naruto said with his usual smile.
"Sure, we'd love that, wouldn't we Anko?" Kakashi spoke, nudging Anko out of her daze at the sealless use of an A-rank Jutsu.
"Yeah, yeah, sure kid," Anko shrugged, trying to hide how impressed she was.
Kakashi led the other two through the town to the school where child soldiers were made. Some civilians found the thought of 12-year-olds fighting in wars barbaric, but they clearly had forgotten the Warring Clans era. Back then, as soon as you could walk, mold chakra, and hold a kunai, you were thrust out into the battlefield. Anyway, the trio reached the gate of the Academy, which opened into the courtyard before reaching the actual building.
Naruto was looking over the building when he noticed a girl about his age sitting in the shade of a tree with a swing hanging from one branch. She seemed to be eating a packed bento, and her whole aura radiated a resigned sadness. Not even thinking twice about it, Naruto walked over to help. "Excuse me, miss?"
The girl flinched, before looking up and letting Naruto get a good look at her face. Indigo hair in a princess cut framed a delicate heart-shaped face with soft yet refined features. Her eyes were a pale lavender with no pupil, marking her as a member of the Hyuuga clan. The lack of curse seal on her forehead suggested she was from the Main House. Naruto's Order training let him see past the physical to divine more about her character. In an instant, he was resolved to become friends with this girl eating alone.
"H-h-hello. W-who are you?" the girl asked, a stutter in her speech revealing itself.
In a bold move, Naruto sat down next to her. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I start classes here tomorrow. And who might you be?"
She eyed him with confusion, but she replied readily "Hyuuga Hinata."
"Nice to meet you, Hinata-san!" Naruto said with his usual good cheer. He held out his hand for a handshake.
Still wary but well-trained in manners, Hinata went to take his hand. "Nice to meet you, Naruto-san."
They touched, and they moved their hand in the other's grip up and down a few times. Hinata inexplicably felt a rush of energy from the contact, as if Naruto's hand was a live wire feeding power directly into her system. For his part, Naruto focused more on how soft her skin felt against his. Naruto let go first, laying his hand on his thigh. "So, why are you having lunch out here all alone?" Naruto asked curiously.
Hinata tried to ignore the goosebumps she'd gotten from something as simple as a handshake. "U-um… no one wants to sit with me in the c-cafeteria. S-so I eat out h-here by myself."
Naruto frowned. "You don't have any friends to sit with? Not one?"
Hinata blushed and looked down. "S-some are intimidated by my clan. Some m-make fun of my s-s-stutter. The rest j-just think I'm w-weird."
"That's too bad. But, hey, maybe we can help each other out! I don't have any friends here either. So how about we sit together tomorrow?" Naruto asked enthusiastically.
Hinata blinked. "You… A-are you serious?"
"Sure. You need a friend, I need a friend. So let's just be friends already! Why not, right?" Naruto unleashed his sunniest smile.
"U-um… if y-you're sure," Hinata managed after a moment trying to process this spontaneous turn in fortune.
Naruto's grin got softer but no less bright. "Well, then I guess tomorrow's my lucky day. No matter what else happens, I'll get to have lunch with a pretty girl." Quick as a striking snake, Naruto grabbed her hand again, lifted it to his lips, and gently kissed the back. Placing her hand back down, Naruto stood up and began to walk away. "Bye, Hinata-chan!"
Hinata felt like her face was set to explode from how much blood was rushing to it. Fire raced through her veins. Did he… had that actually happened? Hinata felt light-headed and next thing she knew she was waking up to the lunch bell, She concluded in embarrassment that she'd fainted. But when she remembered why, she couldn't bring herself to care. A cute boy had kissed her! Just her hand but still! And he called her pretty! Hinata spent the rest of the day with a dreamy smile on her face.
Back with Naruto, he rejoined Kakashi and Anko and had them lead him to a supermarket so he could stock up on groceries and treat them to lunch.
"For a guy raised by monks, you're awfully smooth," Kakashi commented teasingly.
"And the Hyuuga Clan Heiress to boot! Aren't afraid you've bit off more than you can chew, brat?" Anko asked with a wicked tone.
"Bring it on. I'm going to marry that girl," Naruto said with a straight face.
Kakashi and Anko almost tripped in surprise. "Say what now?" Anko demanded.
"Isn't it a bit early to say something like that, Naruto? You just met!" Kakashi pointed out.
"True. Doesn't change the fact I'm going to marry her. She's the Yin to my Yang, has a heart of gold, and is the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on. I'll admit, getting her father's blessing could prove challenging. I might have to become rich and/or famous to get his approval. Ah, well, I'm sure everything will work itself out," Naruto shrugged nonchalantly.
Anko snorted. "Well, if nothing else, brat, I'll admit you've got some serious balls."
Kakashi was more inquisitive. "What do you mean, the Yin to your Yang?"
"I mean my Yang energy synched perfectly with her Yin energy. Everyone's Yin and Yang are unique, even identical twins'. For one to mix flawlessly with another person's opposite energy is very rare and indicative of extreme compatibility. My Yang practically jumped to mix with her Yin when we shook hands. So, now I'm quite certain we'll end up man and wife, if I have anything to say about it," Naruto lectured. Then he turned to Kakashi with a curious expression. "Why do I have to explain this to you? Surely you felt your Yin syncing with Anko-san's Yang when you had intimate relations."
Kakashi blushed scarlet, but did get a contemplative look in his one visible eye as he processed Naruto's statement. Anko just tilted her head. "You saying there's some mystical Yin-Yang bullshit reason why he managed to get my rocks off?"
"Both your inner energies are extremely compatible. Granted, that doesn't necessarily mean you're star-crossed lovers. Synchronous pairs don't always mean the two are romantically compatible. Perhaps you're meant to just teach each other some essential life lesson and then go off to find your proper mates. Then again, you'd certainly have a hard time finding a better candidate for the future parent of your children," Naruto shrugged.
Anko and Kakashi exchanged bewildered looks. "How do you even know this shit, brat?" The Tokubetsu Jonin demanded.
Naruto shrugged. "I can see your chakra, that's how. I see everyone's chakra."
"How is that possible without a Bloodline Limit like the Sharingan or Byakugan?" Kakashi asked, very curious.
Naruto looked conflicted for a second before continuing. "I suppose there's no harm in telling you. The Hyuuga and Uchiha clans have a genetic shortcut to Chakra Sight. The Order worked out how to do it from the ground-up by decades of trial and error. And from there we went on to research how to replicate other effects of Doujutsu, such as the Sharingan's prediction or the Byakugan's ability to see through solid matter. It's a major chakra drain and takes precise control, but it's possible for any chakra-trained person to get superhuman vision."
Kakashi had an epiphany. "The Watcher that guards your temple, he's a master of the Order's Doujutsu, isn't he?"
"Indeed. The Watcher for every temple is an expert at the various forms of Chakra Sight. It's a requirement for the position," Naruto confirmed
They reached the major supermarket for the village. The topic of Yin-Yang bonding and eye techniques was dropped as Kakashi and Anko watched Naruto explore the store. Aware he was on a budget, Naruto made sure to buy raw ingredients cheaply he could later cook into proper meals rather than go for processed food products or snacks. Though he did make one exception.
"Brat, what is with you and cup ramen? You almost bought the whole aisle!" Anko asked
"Ramen is my favorite food. But I've only ever had traditionally cooked ramen. These glorious cups will provide me with the succulent ambrosia after only 3 minutes in hot water!" Naruto proclaimed, a near fanatic glint in his cerulean eyes.
Kakashi cleared his throat. "Didn't you read the nutrition label, though? You'd almost be better off eating wet cardboard."
Naruto raised a brow. Then he dropped his bags to the ground and lifted the bottom of his gi to reveal his abdomen… and the shredded 8-pack that called it home. "Do I look like I need to worry about the occasional bit of junk food, Kakashi?"
Kakashi had the good sense to remain silent. And he told himself his masculinity was not so fragile that the fact a tween had a lower body fat content than him could make him feel inadequate.
They returned to Naruto's apartment. "Make yourselves comfortable. I'll put everything away then cook us all some lunch!" Naruto said with his trademark sunny grin. He went to the corner kitchenette, summoning two Shadow Clones without a hand seal as he did. Anko sprawled on the comfy as hell loveseat, Kakashi sitting next to her with decidedly more decorum.
"So by 'a secure location', Hokage-sama meant an Order of the Horned One temple? That's where we were hiding this kid?" Anko asked bluntly.
"I can neither confirm nor deny details of anything pertaining to this S-rank secret without the Hokage's approval," Kakashi said by rote.
"That's a yes. Remember, fuck buddy, I work in Torture and Interrogation. Your body language tells me more than your mouth ever could," the violet-haired woman smirked.
"If it isn't confidential, may I ask if you ever simply ask nicely or if you go straight for electrocution and waterboarding?" Naruto asked as he sliced and diced vegetables to go in the stir-fry.
"We always give them a chance to simply cough it up before we escalate to… aggressive persuasion," Anko grinned. "My personal favorite opener is 'You will tell me what I want to know. The choice is whether you will tell me before the pain… or after.'"
"With the Yamanaka Clan and their mind jutsu, isn't torture an obsolete mode of getting information?" their host asked as he continued to cook.
Anko was used to this question from new recruits to T&I. "Every clan worth the name developed defenses against the Yamanaka Clan over the past few hundred years. And they weren't the only ones to dabble in telepathy. When the Hidden Villages were formed, each village mixed what each clan knew to make a standardized mental defense specific to each village, including Konoha. One of the requirements for Jonin rank or knowing anything A-rank or higher is being able to block a basic mind probe. That said, the Yamanaka are the best at what they do. That's why Inoichi was head of the department so long."
Naruto nodded. "I see. Well, that's unnecessary in my case. I feel a deep swell of pity for the poor soul who wanders into my mind looking for trouble."
Anko quirked her head and turned to Kakashi. "Does he know?"
Before Kakashi could answer, Naruto spoke up. "I met Kyuubi-san within a month of joining the Order. I would describe our relationship as a positive little brother reluctantly tolerated by a jaded, negative older brother. I wouldn't say he loves or even likes me, but he doesn't completely hate me either. He's stopped threatening to feast on my flesh and pick his teeth with my bones, at any rate. I'm his favorite human, but that's not saying much. And if ever I'm in life-or-death danger, he'll chip in if only to guarantee his own continued survival. Give me time, though, and I'm sure we'll be the best of friends!"
Anko burst into laughter. "Oh, that's rich!" She kept guffawing until she ran out of air. Then she narrowed her eyes. "Wait… you're serious? You think you can tame the biggest monster the world's ever known with friendship and kindness?"
"Well Sharingan hypnosis and long-term imprisonment didn't do the job. It's about time we all try a different tactic." Naruto flipped the contents of the wok and sprinkled in some seasonings. "You know, I was going to take a look at that Curse Seal on your shoulder as a favor to a friend, but if you're just going to mock me and doubt my intelligence, you can leave after you're finished eating."
Anko clutched her neck in shame and remembered pain. Kakashi, not sure what to do, wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Naruto, Hokage-sama and Jiraiya-sama themselves tried and failed to remove the seal."
"They weren't me. Not to be arrogant, but I AM an Uzumaki. And no offense to Hokage-jiji or Ero-sennin, but slapping a simple Level 5 Containment on a Level 9 Curse is like slapping a finger bandage on a wound that requires multiple stitches. I've only gotten a few glimpses so far, but I'm willing to bet she feels frequent flashes of pain from the seal, isn't that right Anko-san?" Naruto asked, casually plating the meal.
Anko pierced Naruto with a look of utmost desperation and hope. "Get rid of this fucking tattoo from hell and I'll do anything you want, Naruto."
"Deal. Now, let's not let lunch go cold."
The three sat down, said "Itadakimasu," and began to eat. Kakashi, figuring both his tablemates had seen his face, pulled down his mask and ate at normal speed. Anko was torn between rushing through the meal or dragging it out and delaying the inevitable disappointment. Seriously, what 11-year-old was better at seals than Jiraiya of the Legendary Sannin? Then again, his clan were so skilled at Fuinjutsu that a multinational coalition had formed solely to destroy every trace of them. That had to mean something, right?
When the last bite was chewed and swallowed, Naruto made a couple Shadow Clones. One cleared the table while the other fetched a couple blank scrolls, a brush, and some ink. "Anko-san, stay seated and please remove your trench coat," Naruto said, his usual cheery disposition shifting to laser-like focus. Kakashi found it a bit disconcerting.
Anko took off her coat, leaving her in just a fishnet top that showed she wasn't wearing a bra underneath. Naruto didn't even blink. He walked around to regard Orochimaru's Curse Seal of Heaven and the Evil Containment Seal Jiraiya had placed around it. He stared for a moment, eyes narrowed. Then he made hand seals in a slow, measured cadence. "Sealing Art: Seal Copying Jutsu," he said at inside volume before placing his palm over the Curse Seal. When he pulled his hand back, a transparent copy of the three tomoe that made up the Curse Seal floated in the air below Naruto's palm. He turned to his Shadow Clone, helpfully holding out one of the scrolls, and placed his hand on the blank paper. As if written by a dozen invisible scribes, the full formula of the seal appeared on the scroll.
"Now, let's see what we're working with," Naruto muttered, carrying the scroll to an empty spot on the floor before sitting down and intently reading the details of the Curse Seal's makeup. Anko watched him, waiting for her fragile hopes to be fulfilled or ruined. Kakashi laid a hand on his lover's shoulder in support while he tried to read the formula himself. He knew just enough about Fuinjutsu to know the Curse Seal of Heaven was miles above his skill level. They were silent for about ten minutes as Naruto made his way through the formula.
"Well, I don't know whether to shake Orochimaru's hand or rip it off and beat him to death with it," Naruto finally said, crossing his arms with a frown. "This thing is a grotesque masterpiece. It's just coherent enough to function but he's lucky it's only a 1 in 10 mortality rate. A piece of art painted with blood and guts, framed crookedly by rusty metal and bones. In a word: awful, in both senses of the word."
"Get to the point, brat. Can you get rid of it or not?" Anko gritted out.
"I could rip it off you right now, but it'd be a coin-toss whether you survived in the first place or lasted long enough to heal. This thing's wormed its way into your entire chakra network. A quick fix removal would be akin to pulling your spine out your back. Give me a couple days and I could create a counter-seal that would just erase the whole thing painlessly. But before we do anything, I think we need to report to Hokage-jiji. There's a couple executive decisions he should know about before we go through with this."
"Such as?" Kakashi asked with interest.
"There's three major parts to the seal. The first is the standard Curse Seal formula, enabling pain, subliminal suggestions, even death if it receives the proper chakra signal. The second is a storage seal full of some biological material that, from my preliminary findings, seems to trigger physical mutation as well as a bastardized version of, I kid you not, Sage Mode. But it's the third part that's most interesting." Naruto explained with a neutral expression.
"Well? Spit it out already," Anko barked.
"You're not going to like this, Anko-san. The third part is a Soul Seal. You've been carrying a fragment of that maniac in your neck all this time," Naruto said with an apologetic tone.
Anko turned pale as a ghost. She rushed to Naruto's bathroom, where the sound of retching reached Kakashi and Naruto. While Kakashi dithered on whether to go to her or not, Naruto called out in firm but considerate tones "Anko-san, don't you dare stab yourself with a kunai. It won't affect the seal or kill him. Calm down and come back out here so we can handle this safely and sanely."
There was a moment of silence, and then Anko came back out of the bathroom, looking full of disgust and self-loathing. "What… what is that motherfucking bastard capable of doing to me? Can he take over my body?"
"Not at all," Naruto assured her. "He was very paranoid in protecting his soul fragment, four different layers of defenses. Can't even communicate with the original Orochimaru or sense the surroundings of the seal. He's basically just waiting in a dark room for someone with intimate knowledge of the Curse Seal to come along and extract him." Naruto frowned. "From what little I know about the man, he's obsessed with immortality. It wouldn't surprise me if he left a shard in every Curse Seal he ever made. Would also go a long way to explaining why he's supposedly nutty as a fruitcake."
Kakashi went into command mode, pulling on his years as an ANBU Captain. "We must report to Hokage-sama. It's his decision what we do about Orochimaru and the seal. Let's go."
The three left Naruto's apartment and then took off for the Hokage Tower at maximum speed, sticking to the rooftops to minimize the chance of colliding with a civilian. Soon, for the second time that day, Naruto found himself waiting outside the Hokage's office. When the old man called out "Enter," after Kakashi knocked, the trio entered the office. The Third's Shadow Clones had vanished, but their legacy was an empty 'In' tray. "Kakashi, Naruto-kun. And you've brought Anko as well. I take it this isn't a social call."
Kakashi spoke for them. "Naruto is a Seal Master, better than Jiraiya-sama. He looked at Anko's Curse Seal. He broke down and analyzed it, and now we need you to decide how we should proceed."
Hiruzen's face lost its grandfatherly softness and became every inch the seasoned shinobi. "Explain."
Given he was the expert here, Naruto took the reins. "The Cursed Seal of Heaven is a combination Curse Seal, Storage Seal, and Soul Seal. The Curse Seal is unremarkable. The Storage Seal contains an enzyme that acts like a chakra steroid and somehow organically triggers the mixture of the host's chakra with Nature Energy. In other words, it temporarily sends the affected into Sage Mode. And the Soul Seal is self-explanatory; a fraction of Orochimaru's soul is stored in the seal. I have already promised Anko-san that I would remove the seal. It's up to you how I do it, though, Hokage-jiji."
Hiruzen steepled his fingers, his mind that had earned him the nickname 'the Professor' racing as he considered the problem placed before him. "Is there a way to remove the seal from Anko without destroying the enzyme or the soul shard?"
"Theoretically, yes. Finding a way to do it that also has a good chance of Anko-san surviving will be tricky, though. You can't put a timeline on these kinds of projects, but I estimate that if I had a team of two dozen Shadow Clones working around the clock, I could have a suitable extraction method by this time next week," Naruto replied dutifully. He may not technically be a ninja and under the Third's command yet, but he still respected his grandfather figure enough to take the situation seriously.
Hiruzen nodded. "Then start working immediately. Anko, as of this moment, you're on paid medical leave. You are to be at Naruto's disposal in case he needs to examine the seal further, and your leave will extend until you're fit for duty after the seal's removal. Naruto, recognizing your aptitude for Shadow Clones, I expect you to prioritize developing the procedure over attending the Academy. Understood?"
"Yes, Hokage-sama," Naruto and Anko said.
"And what am I to do, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked.
"As I recall, you're still on a mandated vacation. Do whatever legal thing you want and report back to me in 8 days' time," Hiruzen said with a hint of a smile. "If there's nothing left to discuss, you're all dismissed."