[A/N: I know! It's been a long time! I FINALLY finished this chapter. Work has been busy and I have a few other projects I'm working on. I had to wait for the inspiration on this one. Let me know what you think! (Also, I'm not really trying to be insta-lovey on this story but, they have an insta-connection. It will still come across as insta-love but, that's how it goes.) Hopefully this isn't terrible and I apologize in advance for typos. Happy reading!

Lost in an Ocean of Books

~Violet~

-Ten Days Later-

"Avery, please be careful! There are stacks of books taller than you, baby," I yelled from the back corner near the restrooms. I was putting together a bookshelf and I heard her running around somewhere I couldn't see her.

"Okay, Momma." I heard her call near the front door before she went back to singing and dancing around the room. I would catch strands of her dark hair flying around as she moved. I smiled and looked down at the mess in front of me. Wayward pieces of wood, screws in multiple sizes, and one allen wrench lay before me and I bit back my frustration.

Only half of what would become my bookstore had books, which was really only a quarter of the books I owned for resale. The storage company I'd used sent them to be two days after I bought the building. They were all in stacks and boxes until I could get the bookshelves built. The bookshelves had arrived five days after the books, and it was proving to be much more complicated than I'd anticipated. In the three days since the office supply company delivered my build-it-yourself bookshelves, I had yet to put one together. To say I was frustrated would be an understatement. I just wanted to complete one! Just so I could feel like I'd accomplished something. However, it was becoming more and more clear that I was going to need some help. And I had the unmistakable feeling that I'd forgotten something.

A pounding on the door broke my concentration and I maneuvered around the book stacks to reach it. Once I opened it, I remembered what it was that I'd forgotten.

"Jax!" I was met with his intense blue eyes and smile and had to fight the swoon I felt emerging. No man should be that sexy. I glanced down and saw the ever-so-quiet Abel standing next to him, looking up at me with eyes that matched his father's. No child should look that haunted.

"Hey Violet. Are you ready to go?"

"You're not gonna believe this," I said and felt Avery slip her tiny hand into mine as she stood next to me, "but I completely forgot all about the play date." His eyes crinkled and he gave me a concerned look.

"Do you need to reschedule?"

"No! That's not it at all. Give us five minutes and then we will be ready to go."

"Great," he said and he looked oddly relieved.

"You guys can come in. Just don't judge me too harshly for the mess. I've been trying to put some things together."

"I would never judge you for the mess. You just moved in and you're trying to arrange a bookstore."

"I think you're being too generous but, thank you. Aves, why don't you take Abel upstairs and show him your room?"

"Okay Momma," she said and grabbed his little hand and pulled him along, chatting up a storm to the quiet boy. I watched them walk away with a smile and turned to see Jax watching with a similar expression. He turned and met my eyes and then looked around the mess I had. He smirked.

"Don't take this the wrong way but, don't you need bookshelves to open a bookstore? Most people aren't going to want to dig through a stack."

"You have jokes, huh? Well, I actually have the bookshelves it's just, my stupid ass thought it would be a good idea to build them myself so I could cut back on some of the cost. Three days later, I still don't have one shelf built and realized even if I could build it myself, I probably couldn't move it. I haven't quite given up though."

"Me and the club could come help you if you're overwhelmed."

"Oh I couldn't im-"

"It's not an imposition. We're neighbors, remember? If it's taking you three days to put one shelf together, you won't open until next year. Not with all of these books."

"Oh, this isn't even close to half of them."

"Damn, you're quite the collector."

"I am. There's nothing quite a good book. Well, if you asked my opinion. Which, of course, you didn't."

"No, but I don't disagree with you. How's the upstairs coming?"

"Oh! Well, that's more done than down here. I have Avery's room set up and my own as well. I have a guest room too but, that's being used for storage right now. The rest of the house is still chaotic but, you can sit on the furniture and cook in the kitchen."

"Well, that's really all I ask for in a house," he said and we both laughed. I was struck by the genuine, sweet smile on his face.

"Would you like to see it?"

"What?"

"I mean, it's a huge mess but, I don't mind showing you around. Besides, I have to go up there anyway and change before we go."

"Lead the way," he said and gestured with his hand toward the stairs. I went first, him following close behind me. We reached the open door to the living quarters and I heard Avery babbling up a storm to Abel and every once in a while, he would respond to something she would say.

"Forgive her. She's a little chatterbox when she really gets going. Anyway, this is what's going to be the living room if should I ever get around to finishing it up."

"Well, you've only been here a few days and you're trying to get the downstairs fixed up too. I'm sure it will look great as soon as you're finished. That couch is awesome, though."

I looked to my burgundy leather couch and smiled. "Yeah, it was the only one in the store that I felt fit me and was mostly stain resistant. Having a kid, I didn't think it would be a good idea to get a fabric couch. It's super comfortable, too."

"It looks like it."

"Okay, well, you're free to go snooping around through my stuff while I go change. I'm not very interesting so, you probably won't find anything worth telling your club but, you can have fun trying."

"Oh, I have a feeling you're plenty interesting," he said with what I would call a panty-dropping grin. He oozed charm like it was flowing through him instead of blood. I was going to be in serious trouble if I made it a habit to hang out with him and I was just stupid enough to do such a thing….and the last thing I needed was to find myself with a motorcycle club. I smiled at him but it didn't feel like it was as genuine after I had those thoughts.

"I don't know about that. I'll be in a few minutes."

"Take your time. I'll wait here."

I closed the door to my bedroom until it was just a crack so I could hear Avery and after I climbed over a few boxes, I found more publicly presentable attire than my yoga pants and an over-sized t-shirt. Form fitting, medium wash jeans that flared at the bottom, mid-calf high boots, and a lacy dark purple, long-sleeved blouse made me look and feel more like the grown woman I was. After I pulled my long, dark hair into a ponytail, I quickly put on some mascara and as I was putting on some lipstick, I heard Jax's deep voice outside the door talking to the kids. The next thing I heard was both little ones cracking up and I couldn't keep the smile off my face if I tried. Suddenly, I found myself eager to get out to them and join in on the fun.

Leaving my room, I found him leaning against Avery's doorframe watching them play. My bedroom door closed behind me and he turned, doing a double-take when he saw me. His eyes widened slightly and, suddenly self-conscious, I began to fidget with my hair. He seemed to shake himself out of his thoughts and gave me a bright smile which I couldn't help but return.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yes. Where did we say we were going?"

"There's a park about five miles away from here. I have my car or we can go in yours."

"I don't know the area that well so, it's probably best if you drive. Do you mind?"

"Not at all."

"Perfect. Avery!"

"Yes, Momma?"

"Put your shoes on. We're about to leave."

"I got them on, see!" She squealed as she ran from her room. Abel was right behind her and had the biggest smile on his face and his eyes were less haunted. It seemed playing with my daughter was doing him some good. I glanced at Avery's shoes and was glad to see she put her sandals on without me having to ask her.

"Good job, Babe. Now, let's go grab some water in the fridge and I'll put it in my bag." She squealed some more and ran from her room through the living room to the kitchen. Abel went to his dad and grabbed his hand. We met Avery in the living room where she was struggling to carry three twenty-ounce bottles of water to my bag. I helped her put them in my pink and black Harley Davidson backpack and caught Jax's expression as I placed it over my shoulder.

"What?"

"Nice bag. You like Harley's?"

"Of course, I do. Doesn't everyone?"

"Hmm, maybe I'll take you for a ride sometime," he said and a more sensual grin danced on his mouth. Though I knew it would be a very bad idea to do so, I couldn't stop my heart from racing at the thought of riding bitch with Jax in front of me and the rumbling horsepower underneath me. I knew my smile matched his.

"I wouldn't say no to a ride. One day."

"Consider it done. Let's get these kiddos to the park so they can run out their energy."

"Good idea. You ready?" I asked as I looked down at the children. They both jumped and yelled excitedly. Oh, to be young and find the biggest thrill out of life in just going to the park with a friend.

We all clomped down the stairs and out the door, me locking it behind us. I turned to see Jax walking Abel to a nice SUV and getting ready to put him in the back.

"Stay right here, Baby. I'm gonna get your seat out of the car," I said and she nodded. My car was just in front of Jax's and it took no time at all to get her seat out of the back.

When I turned back around, Jax was walking to the back passenger-side door of his car and by the time I reached it, he'd opened it for me.

"Why thank you, kind sir," I said in my best southern debutante voice which made him chuckle.

"Any time, Darlin'."

After hooking her seat into the car, I patted it. "Okay, Aves. Climb in and let's get going." Once she was buckled in, I turned to see him holding the door open for me. I mumbled another thank you as I took my seat and he closed the door once I was safely inside. As he climbed in the driver's side, I glanced back at his son.

"Abel, you didn't tell me your daddy was such a gentleman." I hoped to engage with him and get him talking but, he just smiled slightly and nodded. Jax just laughed.

"I ain't that much of a gentleman, Darlin'." I couldn't help but giggle at that because I certainly hoped he wasn't much of a gentleman.

The drive to the park wasn't long and Jax informed me of the different things around Charming as we passed them. I found I was falling in love with my new home more and more. The park, when we pulled up, was not near as crowded as I thought it might be for early afternoon. The kids ran for the playground and we walked to the bench so we could sit and watch them.

"Hey, where's the baby?" I asked after a few minutes of quiet.

"He's with one of the sitters. It's his nap time right now."

"Well, maybe next time you can bring him. I know we just met and all but, I gotta get a baby-fix somewhere or I'll start getting the Fever."

"The Fever?"

"Yeah, it's where I get the bright idea to go and get knocked up by some random dude. I already got one little chatterbox. God knows I don't need two."

"Aw, but that's twice the love."

"And twice the expense. One day, I want to give Avery a mess of siblings but, it's not time right now. No matter what my ovaries are telling me."

"I totally understand that."

Things were quiet again for a few minutes and I watched the kids play. Even when he was happy and having fun, Abel was quiet and broody. I had a feeling he was very much like his father. Avery just continued to chat with him. Even if he didn't talk back, it didn't stop her good time. I was glad to see the constant moving and uncertainty hadn't affected her. She made friends wherever she went.

"Abel is such a quiet boy. My God, Avery must be driving him nuts."

"He's always been quiet but, it's even more so now."

"Why is that?"

"My wife, his mom, was killed a few months ago." Of all the things he could have said, that was not at all what I expected.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry, Jax. I shouldn't have asked."

He shook his head and said, "no, it's okay. It's a truth we can't hide from and it's the truth of the life I live."

"What do you mean?"

"The MC life. I'm trying to clean up a mess we never should have been in and, unfortunately, it's become a goddamn war."

"I understand that," I muttered and glanced at the kids again. He scoffed.

"I highly doubt you do."

"Actually, I do. I was raised in it. My father was VP of one where I'm from."

"Was?"

"Oh, he was killed by a rival MC ten years ago. My younger brother is in the MC and my mom would never dream of leaving the area. She's kind of like the club mom."

"So's mine. My father and eight others founded the Sons of Anarchy in the late sixties. It's all I know. Is that what brought you all the way out here?"

"No. That's a story for another day."

"Fair enough."

"I'm sorry about your wife. I can imagine how traumatic that must have been for him. And for you."

"It's been tough but, we're managing to make it through. We have help."

"I'm glad to hear that. Of all the things that were negative about club life, at the end of the day it was still a family. I imagine that's true of MCs all over the world."

"You're not wrong. At least I understand why you like Harleys," he said jokingly and I chuckled. I knew it was an attempt to gear the conversation a different direction.

"In my travels, I've come across many people who are not affiliated with MC life that like Harleys. Probably more of those than Club members."

"I'm sure you have. Do you know how to ride?"

"Of course! My dad taught me before he died."

Before he could respond to my words, the kids came running up to us. They were both panting like they'd been running for six miles.

"Momma," Avery said, breathless. Her cheeks were red but she had a smile on her face. "We're thirsty."

"Oh, shit, Abel. I forgot to bring water, Buddy," Jax said, distraught by the realization. It became clear to me that when his wife died, he may have mentally checked out of anything to do with his kids because she took the lead in handling them. And he had his mom and others to pick up where he was slacking. Him making a play date with Avery and me was probably the first real parenting choice he'd made in a while and something inside me cracked at the pain his family was going through.

"It's okay, Daddy," Abel said softly but I could tell he was thirsty.

"Jax," I said and he looked at me, embarrassment clear as day on his face, "I brought enough water for all of us."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! Avery grabbed three bottles from our fridge. We always pack extra when we go to the park." I dug in my bag until I pulled out two bottles of water. I handed one to Abel. "Here Sweetheart. Have all you want."

"Thank you," he said and I was rewarded with a bright smile. I gave Avery her water and they both opened them and took long sips. When they were ready to play again, Avery handed me her bottle and Abel gave his to Jax before they ran off. For a while, Jax remained quiet and broody and I let him alone. As a parent...hell, as a person, sometimes I just wanted to feel what I felt for a minute and not have other people try to make it better.

"Tara was always so much better at this stuff than I was," Jax muttered after a few minutes, his eyes still on the kids. I let out a short laugh.

"Moms typically are better at little shit like remembering the water or the snacks. We are naturally a bit more nurturing in that sense. I'm sure you see it in your own mother."

"Huh...you're not wrong there." It was obvious he still felt like shit. I slid a little closer to him and put my hand on his that was resting on his leg. He immediately looked at me.

"Listen, one parent to another, you're doing just fine. You forgot a bottle of water but it's not like you forgot you had a kid. At the end of the day, we're all just doing the best we can."

"He's been through so much, Violet."

"Of course he has. He lost his mom and-"

"Not just that. From the time he was born, he's been put through so much shit. I should have learned how to do this better. I'm the one who should have been killed, not Tara."

"It will not do you, or him, any good to think that way. You can't protect him from things like grief and loss, Jax, but if you want better for him in other areas, then be better. As an outsider, someone who's known you all of two minutes, I can tell you that you're doing just fine. You have a tribe of people who can cover you where you're lacking."

He didn't say anything more as he looked away from me and his breathing became labored. Moved by his brokenness, I scoot myself just a touch closer and wove my fingers through his, giving them a gentle squeeze. He squeezed my hand in response and didn't let go as we remained quiet, watching our children play.

"I love my boys, Violet," he said, his voice hoarse. I squeezed his hand and scoot closer, placing our joined hands in my lap. It appeared that we were more than we are but, all I was trying to do was offer some extra comfort.

"I don't think anyone who knows you would question that. I don't know you yet but no one would convince me you wouldn't lay your life down for those babies."

"I would. Tara tried so hard to get them away from here. She didn't want them to grow up surrounded by so much violence and hate. I don't want that for them, either, but I can't just leave. The club is my family too."

"I understand that," I whispered and thought of my mother and my brother...and the rest of my father's club. They were all family once. But, that changed years ago and there was no going back.

"I don't know what to do," he said but I could tell the tears had dried for the time being.

"Well, then just be their dad and be more present for them."

"There is so much shit with the club, I can't just-"

"You won't be but, perhaps you can delegate some of the club responsibility to your VP or any other officer? For a little while?"

"I don't know if I can do that. I started more shit trying to find Tara's killer. I don't even know who I am anymore."

I didn't have any words for him but, I knew exactly how that felt. Since I was right next to him with his hand in my lap, it felt natural to lean against his shoulder. The gesture seemed to relax him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laying this all on you. We don't know each other."

"It's okay. I mean, we don't know each other...but I think, somehow, we understand each other."

I felt him stare at the top of my head and his somber mood seemed to lift just a bit.

"As strange as it is, I think we do," he said.

We stayed at the park until the early evening. While the kids played, Jax and I got to know each other and, as weird as it was to say, I felt like I had always known him. Even though he was sad and there was a lot weighing on him, I felt at ease in his company. I knew he and his club were dangerous people. I had lived that life before. However, I knew a good heart when I saw one and everything Jax was trying to do was to make things better for his family and the club.

"Momma," Avery cried as she and Abel ran toward me. "We're hungry!"

"Are we ready to leave?"

"We need snacks, Momma." She said it in her most serious voice. I had to fight back a smile and Jax chuckled.

"It sounds serious, Avery," he said. "Are you guys super hungry?"

"Uh-huh! Like we 'need cookies' hungry."

"Cookies! Oh my! Violet, these kids are 'need cookies' hungry."

"I heard. Are you sure it's serious enough for cookies, Jax?"

"Yeah!" Abel said, his eyes bright and his cheeks red.

"Okay. You know what Abel?"

"What, Miss Violet?"

"I think you have convinced me that we need cookies. And you can just call me 'Violet' okay?"

"Okay," he said shyly and looked at his dad. Jax nodded and I smiled.

"Momma? Can we go over to Abel's house?" Her question threw me backward.

"Oh! Well, honey, I don't think-"

"Please! Abel wanted to show me his toys!"

"Daddy? Can they come over?"

"Buddy, that's up to Violet. They're welcome to come over if they want to."

"Are you sure?" I asked him. I was curious about their life but I didn't want to impose.

He smiled at me and nodded. "Of course. Then I can take over for Thomas and relieve Neeta. Besides, the kids are still playing. We can order take out, if you're cool with that. I'm not much of a cook."

"All right. We'll come over for a while," I said and my child gasped, then squealed. Jax's eyes went wide.

"Yes! Let's go!" She and Abel ran to the car as Jax and I stood.

"Wow. So that's what it's like to have a little girl, huh?" I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

"You have no idea."

He laughed and when we reached his SUV, we gathered our children into their seats and then he drove us to his house.