Happy Station 19 Day! Thanks for all the love on the last post. I write the stories I want to read and am always grateful when others choose to join me on the journey. In this update, Surrera finally has a conversation that should have happened ages ago, but not to worry. In true Reddixon fashion, they figure it out. Ending is a bit steamy, but also very sweet. You've been warned! Also...not beta'd so there's that. XO!
It was late. Andy had gotten in her workout and showered while Robert finished up his chores. She was dressed in shorts, a tank and her station hoodie now. They had basically agreed to disagree earlier, but the more she thought about it, the more annoyed she got. Still though, they loved each other and after just reuniting they weren't ending nights without saying goodnight or I love you. She rounded the corner heading to his bunk when she heard the thump of a fist colliding with the punching bag. Without even seeing him she knew it was him.
Andy watched from the door for a while. Admiring Robert's strength, tenacity and obvious muscle definition. Sweat dripped from him as he landed punch after punch. It was clear that she wasn't the only one still feeling frustrated about where things were between them. Just the other day they'd argued, made up, had amazing sex and she felt hopeful about the week ahead, but now...now she was confused and upset.
"Is this how it's gonna be?" Andy said quietly making her way into the gym. Her arms crossed over her chest as she took in the sight of husband. She didn't really want to fight, but couldn't help saying something.
Robert stopped and looked at her briefly before continuing. Dripping sweat, breathing heavy, he looked fierce, like a man on a mission. "How what's gonna be?" He landed a few more punches.
"Us… we disagree about work stuff, make up, have super hot sex and fight some more…" Andy replied coolly, concealing the emotions under the surface.
Robert couldn't help but crack a smile at her directness. "Totally down for more super hot sex." He took some more swings.
"Really? That's all you have to say?" Andy's annoyance bubbled up. Robert was clearly frustrated, but he wasn't saying it. He was actually barely engaging, which wasn't helping her mood. She knew she should back down and not pick a fight, but her stubbornness made continuing irresistible.
Robert looked over at his wife as he took a swig of water from his nearby bottle. No matter how annoyed he was with her, she still took his breath away. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders, her zip up hoodie was almost falling off her shoulder exposing the skin beneath her tank and her shorts left little to the imagination. It was her firey eyes that got him though...made him want to break their rules and work out their frustrations horizontally. That was obviously off the table.
"Nothing to say, just trying to get a workout in." he went back to hitting the bag.
"You're hittin' that bag like it stole your lunch money." Andy tried to joke, but it didn't feel authentic. They really needed to talk, but he wasn't taking the bait.
"I'm fine." Robert replied plainly.
Finally she figured she'd best just come out and say what she wanted to say. "I'm just doing my job you know. The same job you did. The same job you'll do again one day. The job is making the call." Her hands rested loosely at her side as she spoke. He was still barely looking at her.
"Yup." Robert nodded as he pounded into the bag. Andy grew more and more frustrated as he punched the bag and didn't stop to look at her.
"Robert?" Andy said louder than she intended to. It got his attention and he turned to face her.
"What do you want me to say, Andy? I got it. You make the call. You don't want my help. It's fine." Robert's tone was nonchalant, but his body language was anything but.
"Do you hear yourself right now? What you've been doing isn't helping, it's picking my decisions apart, contradicting me in front of my team and questioning my every move." Andy replied back quickly.
"Doesn't feel so good to be on the receiving end does it?" Robert said as he picked up his towel and wiped the sweat dripping from his face. It was a dig and he knew it.
"What are you talking about?" Andy was incredulous. She knew she was making things worse at this point, but didn't care that much. In her mind, he deserved to feel the heat.
"When I got here as Captain of 19, I had years of experience as Captain under my belt. That didn't matter to you. You still questioned everything. Sometimes even disregarded direct orders." Robert said with the shrug of a shoulder.
Shaking her head a bit. "Okay…that…that was different." Andy said defensively.
"Was it?" Robert asked mostly rhetorically. He was tired and could sense this conversation was going nowhere. He didn't want to say something they'd regret and he wanted to catch a shower before they got a call. Both he and Andy were silent for a few moments as he wiped down the bag. He picked up his water and headed in Andy's direction towards the door. Stopping at her side briefly he sighed and said, "Look, I don't wanna fight with you. I'm gonna hit the showers." With that he left his wife behind.
Andy sighed loudly in frustration before heading out of the gym herself a few moments after Robert's departure. The rest of the night had gone smoothly with only a call for Aid Car. Despite them having the chance to sleep, both had a pretty restless night. That next morning Robert headed out to meet with Richard and Andy stayed behind to double check the reports from their shift.
Robert and Richard picked up their coffees and walked in the morning sun. It was still early and there was a chill in the air, but it was comfortable.
"I was very sorry to hear about Deluca, sir. How're you doing?" Robert asked.
"Thank you." Richard replied. "It's never easy to lose one of your own...but this is especially tough. Deluca saved my life last year. He was the only doctor in my level one trauma center that could solve the mystery illness killing me. I felt indebted to him ever since."
Robert could relate. He'd lost many brothers in the marines and had a few fallen firefighters in his time as one. "Yeah, that's never easy. I lost a lot of friends as a marine. I heard the memorial was very moving." He replied soberly.
"It was," Richard said. "I think Carina was touched by everyone's kind words. Hearing from so many just how much of a difference he made was pretty incredible." Richard nodded his head a bit as he remembered the memorial.
"I bet..." Robert said a bit robotically. He was listening, but it was clear to Richard that something was on his mind.
"What's on your mind, son?" Richard asked. He hadn't known Robert long, but in the time they'd spent together it was clear the two most important things in his life were Andy and firefighting. With them finally back together, Richard's gut told him something was up with Andy. "Something going on with your wife?"
"Ahhhh...it's a long story..." Robert says not totally sure what to say or even where to start. He took a sip of his coffee and thought for a moment.
"Well, start at the beginning." Richard said casually, encouraging him to continue as they walked.
"Okay... with Maya out on bereavement with Carina, Andy is acting Captain..."Robert began.
"Taking orders from your wife. Been there, that's never easy." Richard chuckled.
Robert eyed him a moment and Richard motioned for him to continue. He explained the situation, going all the way back to Pruitt. Him asking Robert to withhold Andy's promotion, how the couple had gotten past it to be together, but he still carried guilt. Now with her in charge and likely promoted to captain sometime soon and him still the low man on the totem pole, everything felt complicated. When they should be enjoying finally being back together they were arguing and not seeing eye to eye.
Richard listened intently as Robert opened up, but couldn't help the occasional smile. From everything Robert said, Andy reminded him a lot of the women he was close to. Obviously his very own wife, but also Bailey and Meredith. Driven, ambitious, determined to be the best. He thought about how much anger and hurt Bailey had when he'd made Torres Chief Resident, which he eventually rectified, but could only imagine how much Andy was hurt by Robert's decision to promote her best friend over her. And it didn't seem like she'd had much time to process it all before finding out about her dad and ultimately losing him.
After getting Richard up to speed, Robert was finally able to get to the details of their last shift. He had to admit after walking through the situation, it seemed like a landmine waiting to be triggered. Both he and Andy had been so ready to move on and just be together, they only casually addressed the issue. No wonder there was still something there for the both of them.
"We saved the patient, but spent the whole shift at each other's throats. Me trying to help and her not wanting it." Robert shook his head slightly and sighed. "By the end of it we were both frustrated with one another and didn't have much to say. I just don't get why she won't accept the help. I have more experience than anyone else on the team and all I want to do is use all that experience and support her."
"Sticky situation you've got on your hands," Richard said casually. He was silent for a moment as he considered his next words carefully. "I don't make a practice of speaking ill of the dead, but from where I'm standing, Andy's father put you in a pretty precarious position."
Quick to defend his father in law, "Yes, but I didn't have to listen. I could have talked to Andy. Explained what was going on...forced her father to talk to her?" He'd spent a lot of time replaying that choice over and over in his mind. Knowing his own personal medical issues, that he was hiding, clouded his judgement. To say that he wished he'd handled things differently was a massive understatement.
"You two weren't married yet, but you loved your wife and wanted to protect her. That's not a crime. And sure...you could have handled things differently, but there's no changing the past. You have to let yourself off the hook. If Andy says, she's forgiven you then maybe it's time to forgive yourself."
"That's just it, I guess," Robert replied. "She says she has, but we don't talk about it. We didn't really talk about it. We brushed over it and I...I guess I wouldn't blame her if she was still upset with me."
"Sounds like it's time to find out." Richard said directly, making eye contact with the other man. "I was married to my first wife Adele, 32 years before she died. And there are some conversations we never had. We just avoided them but no matter how hard we tried the issues always found a way to the surface. If Andy is still holding on to it, even if it's deep under the surface, and you two don't talk about it, you'll never truly move past it. It'll just keep coming up in different ways."
"I suppose you're right," Robert agreed a bit reluctantly even though he knew Richard was right. He hated to think they'd have to dig around in old wounds, but he knew it was the only option.
"From everything you've told me about your wife she is ambitious, always competing, always working to be the best, knows her stuff. Am I right?" Richard looked for Robert's confirmation before continuing.
"That's her..." Robert smiled wistfully. Her tenacity and persistence was one of the things he loved most about her. She was relentless.
"I won't lie to you...it's not always easy being married to women like that." Richard shrugged a bit. "My wife is the Chairman of her own foundation that oversees 72 hospitals, including mine. She's a kick ass, take-names kind of woman. She knows what she wants and she's used to getting it. It also sometimes means she thinks she's invincible. A while back she had brain surgery, afterwards when she was home recovering she pushed away everyone trying to help her — me included. She felt like she was being coddled. I tried to fight it, but eventually realized I had to let her come to me for help. And when she was ready, she did."
"Brain surgery huh...that's about as serious as you can get." Robert mused over Richard's commentary seeing his point. "How did you just sit back and bite your tongue when you knew you could be doing things that would make it easier for her. That's all I wanted to do for Andy."
Richard laughed a little. "There's no easy way out for that. It was cold hard patience. A lot of biting my tongue. I had to let her figure out what she could and couldn't handle then trust her to come to me when she was ready. It was damn hard, but it was the only thing that worked."
"So what do I do?" Robert asked. "I've got a frustrated wife to head home to. How do I make her see that I just want to help."
Pulling no punches, Richard shared his thoughts. "Two things. You first have to understand that she might not want your help." He shrugged his shoulders a bit. "When you moved up the ranks and especially when you became captain, how did you learn your biggest lessons?
Robert hemmed and hawed a bit before answering. "I don't know... I just did. Figured it out on each shift. And making the right calls got easier over time. I trusted myself more and the team trusted me more..." Robert smiled a bit. "I see where you're going with this."
"Grey Sloane is a teaching hospital. We have one of the premiere surgical training programs in the country. Sure we recruit top talent, but what makes us the best is our method. We let our interns and residents learn the lessons they need to learn, to become great attendings. They make mistakes, a lot of them and ask questions. Your wife knows a lot and the things she doesn't know, she'll learn." Richard talked with so much pride as he discussed his doctors and his program. He'd passed the reins of the hospital off to Bailey, but everyone knew it was still his baby. "Look, you're a husband who loves his wife and no matter what your positions are at work, you're going to want to protect her. Sometimes even from herself, but you won't always be able to. Some things she's going to have to tackle on her own and if they go wrong your job is to catch her when she falls. She knows you're an all-star player. Let her come to you."
Robert gave Richard a nod that said he was tracking everything he was saying. "How'd you get so good at all this?"
"Well I can't say I have it all figured out, but I've lived a long time. A lot of mistakes. A lot of trial and error." Richard laughed off the compliment.
"And number two?" Robert asked with anticipation.
"Tell her what you told me. Make sure she knows you believe in her and want to support her the best way you can. Then back off. This is her moment to shine. There have been plenty of times where I slid into the background and let Catherine have the main stage. But at the end of the day she always comes home to me. She needs me. No matter how big her career gets, I always know I'm her choice. I anchor her, hold her down, have her back. When she needs to make important decisions she asks for my opinion. She trusts me to support her. That's the only way two successful surgeons make their relationship work. A lot of communication and alot of ebb and flow."
"Easier said than done," Robert replied. "I just hate feeling useless. Like all the skills I learned over nearly two decades are going to waste. I like feeling necessary. Like what I'm doing matters." He was frustrated. Yes he had some semblance of a career, but his hands were tied. It drove him nuts.
"I've been where you are, Robert. I was Chief of Surgery, I fell off the wagon and started drinking again. My Head of Neuro reported me to the board and took my job. I had to rebuild my career piece by piece and I still made it back to Chief. So, don't get too down on yourself. Enjoy the break. Enjoy not being the one responsible for everyone. Enjoy not making the tough calls. Enjoy going home when the boss stays late. Enjoy spending time with your wife. You'll never have this season of your life again. You'll get back there. You'll run the show again one day and when you do, you'll be a better leader for it."
"Thank you, sir." Robert said nodding. "That means alot."
"You're welcome. And drop the sir, would you..." Richard grimaced.
Back at the station...
Andy was just finishing up at the station when Maya walked in surprised to find her friend there. The shift had ended a couple hours ago. Carina and Gabriella were back at the apartment and Maya wanted to give them some space. Also, despite coming clean to Carina about her jealousy and being reassured, she still didn't love the woman occupying space in her apartment. The two friends agreed to catch up and walk down the street for a coffee. As they made their way back Maya broke the comfortable silence.
"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Maya said with a small smile as she sipped her warm beverage.
"What do you mean?" Andy feigned ignorance though she had a suspicion about where Maya was going.
"You only just reunited with Robert a few days ago...is there some reason you're triple checking reports at the station instead of home in bed with your husband?"
Andy laughed a bit at her friend, but appreciated her directness. This is what made their friendship work and she was glad they had been able to rebuild and make it through the bumpy time. "You picked up on that, huh..."
"Just a little." Maya eyed her friend as she waited for her to say something.
"This week... it's been complicated." Andy shook her head a bit. "Being back home together is amazing. When we're home, we're just us. But on calls...he questions me a lot, makes decisions that should be mine, acts without my go ahead...and it's frustrating as hell. He's also pretty much right all the time, which drives me even crazier. Ugh... I sound ridiculous."
"I wouldn't say ridiculous...but I definitely think I've been this show before." Andy gave Maya a confused look. "Andy, when he first started as Captain of 19, you did not make it easy on him. In fact, we both know you were downright difficult at times." Maya snuck a quick peak at her friend.
"He mentioned that..." Andy said with a small smile. "But in my defense, he was also kind of an ass. I'm not being a jerk to him, I just want him to follow my orders..." Andy's voice trailed off a bit as she saw Maya's face. "Okay, yes, I see your point." The two friends chuckled a bit and Andy nudged Maya. "I just want this to go well you know. I feel like I'm finally back on track with my career after taking blow after blow last year."
"Andy, you and I both know that you making Captain is inevitable. You've already more than earned the promotion. It's only a matter of time." Andy appreciated hearing that from her friend, but even more from her Captain. "And...this has to be impossibly hard for him. Robert's a proud guy and he should be. Don't tell him I said this, but he's basically olympic gold of firefighting. He's got an impressive history and right now a lot of what he knows is information he can't use. He's also crazy about you. Like head over heels in love with you. He probably just wants to help."
"That's what he said..." Andy replied. She'd heard him, but she'd been so frustrated that it wasn't exactly landing.
"See..."Maya interjected before Andy could continue.
"But it doesn't feel like help. It feels like someone undermining my authority." Andy said with an exasperated sigh.
"Do you think that's his intention?" Maya asked.
"What?"
"Do you think his intention is to undermine your authority? Make this difficult for you?"
Andy waffled back and forth a bit because she could sense Maya was about to make a point. "No..." She shook her head. "I don't think that."
"Can I ask you something, then...?" Maya was tentative and Andy could sense it. It wasn't her normal style.
"Yes..." She replied more calmly than she felt.
"We don't talk about it...and you've said you made peace with it, but we both know I got a promotion that belonged to you..." Maya said quickly.
"Maya..." Andy interrupted before she could continue. Andy didn't really want to get into it. Yes, she'd scabbed over the wound, but it was still a bit sensitive to the touch.
"Let me finish..." Maya said gently as they walked. "You forgave me and bought into me being your leader, which I'm really, really grateful for. I made a lot of mistakes...but you've had my back. Especially, lately. I just can't help but wonder if maybe you haven't totally forgiven Robert?" It was a rhetorical question. Definitely meant to get Andy thinking more so than a true response. "I know you moved past it to be together, but maybe there's still something there?" She shrugged her shoulders a bit.
"Maybe..." Andy's voice trailed off as she thought about her friend's question. She didn't want the question to land, but couldn't lie, there was definitely still something there.
"Look, I don't want to stir anything up. I could be totally off base here. I just know that sometimes if you don't deal with the skeletons in the closet, they keep coming back to haunt you and it seems like when it comes to work stuff, sometimes you and Robert have a hard time getting on the same page."
Andy thought for another moment before speaking. "I was so angry at both him and my dad, but my dad was dying. I had to get over it and just figure out how to enjoy the time we had left. I also needed Robert. He helped me get okay with my dad deciding not to get treatment and after my dad vented that roof...he was my rock. I guess I never really took time to sit with my feelings about it all, just shoved them down and kept going. It's probably not a stretch that they're bubbling up now." They had finally made it back to the station and had taken a seat on the cement ledge out front. "When did you figure out this relationship stuff?"
"Well, I wouldn't say that...especially after the last few days with Carina," Maya shook her head a bit thinking about the Gabriella debacle and ending up with Jack, "but I just think this is a tough spot to be in for both you and Robert. Even I can see that. I also think he's a guy and he wants to take care of you. Not because he doesn't think you are capable but because he wants to be your hero. He wants to win with you. Take the help. Have some boundaries you know, make the first call, but listen to him. He's got years of experience that can make a difference in the field."
"Ugh, has monogamy made us weak?" Andy said jokingly.
Maya looks almost disgusted. "Dedicated, just dedicated." She smirked and took a sip of her coffee.
The two friends laughed. "Okay, I've spilled my guts. It's your turn. Talk to me. How did you end up hiding out with Jack?"
With that the two friends caught up, Andy gave her an update on the station and told her to go home. She still had a few more days of leave left. Andy headed home knowing it was up to her to apologize. She'd definitely been a little less understanding with Robert than she could have been. More than anything, she knew they needed to talk. They needed to have the conversation they should have had ages ago. When she made it home she wasn't surprised to find the apartment empty. Robert was meeting with Richard and he probably wasn't in any hurry to get home thinking she was mad at him.
She changed clothes, putting on yoga pants and a tank then proceeded to clean. She had to do something to focus her energy and think about what she should say to Robert when he got home. Maya had been right, the more honest with herself she was, the more she could see just how she'd shoved her anger about the promotion down. But the truth was it wasn't totally his fault and she had clearly placed a lot more blame on him than her dad. Robert was planning to follow through on his promise and would have if her dad hadn't come to him. She knew he was sorry, she knew he felt bad it was time to let him off the hook, leave things in the past and really move on.
A couple hours later...
Robert heard the music just as he entered their apartment. As he pushed the door open, he smelled some combination of citrus and vanilla. He chuckled a little knowing his wife. She had no doubt been cleaning while she processed what she was upset about. The open floor plan of their downstairs area, made it easy to see just how neat and tidy everything was. He slipped off his jacket and headed upstairs to talk to his wife. It was time to make things right...again. As he headed up the stairs and down the hall to the master bedroom the music got louder, it was Bob Marley's "Turn Your Lights Down Low". The reggae music with its distinctive rhythm and beat, pulsed through the space. Standing in the doorway Robert was captivated by the sight in front of him. Andy was dressed in tight black yoga pants and a black form fitting tank. Her curves were on display. She had clearly been putting away laundry and gotten distracted by the song. Her hips swayed back and forth to the smooth beat of the music and he couldn't take his off of her.
Enjoying the music Andy let herself get lost. Hips swaying and body grooving to each note. She felt his presence before she opened her eyes, they were in tune that way. When she did finally turn to face her husband, she faced him with a small smile. She was soft, warm and her eyes were inviting. "What are you doing all the way over there?" She asked as Robert made his way over to her.
"Enjoying the show," Robert smirked as his hands found her hips. One thing he loved about them, is they always seemed to find ways to connect despite anything going wrong with the two of them. It was one of those things that made him know just how meant to be their relationship was. He thought back quickly to how despite being furious with him, Andy let him hold her as she sobbed when Pruitt finally came clean. He'd held her close, whispered sweet nothings into her ear and dried her tears with his hands. The music still coming through the Alexa speaker and the nearby dresser, Robert could tell something had shifted in her mood since they last saw each other.
"You could have joined the show." Andy flirted letting her defenses drop. They'd spent the last 24 hours at odds and she didn't want to do that now. Looking up at the man she loved, she couldn't help but melt into him. Despite the frustrations from the day, there was something about their connection that was truly irresistible. She was drawn to him like a magnet, like a moth to a flame. The last words they'd exchanged in the gym hadn't been warm and after her conversation with Maya and a morning of self-reflection, she knew the first move to make was hers.
"You know how much I love to watch you move." Robert smiled a bit tentatively. The dialogue between the two of them had a much different energy than when they were at the station so it was clear they'd both sorted through some things on their own.
Andy's only words were, "Dance with me." She grabbed his hands and continued to sway. Their bodies moved in dance as well as they did in bed. Their connection was unrivaled. They were poetry in motion. As the song winded down, Robert massaged Andy's hips lightly as he held onto her.
"I'm sorry..." Robert attempted.
Andy put a finger up to his lip, shook her head gently from side to side and interrupted before he could continue. "No, I'm sorry." She took a moment to breathe deep. "You know how when you just want something to go really well, so you grip onto it tightly and try to control everything? Well that was me. Yes it's my job as Captain to call the shots, but it's also my job as a leader to know when to listen to my team. You had experience last shift that was valuable in the field and I was so focused on being right and doing things my way that I wouldn't even hear you."
"I appreciate you saying that, but I think I also could have tried a different approach," Robert said. "I know what it's like to be in your shoes. Finally getting an opportunity to prove yourself and do the job you want. I know how much that means to you."
Andy smiled, "Forgive me."
"Already done." They shared a sweet kiss. Robert held her hands and pulled her down to sit on the end of the bed. He was a bit unsettled. Still not totally sure how to say all he wanted to say. "I do think we should talk though..."
"Yeah, we should." Andy said softly as she leaned in and caressed the hand she held.
"I was talking with Richard today and realized that we never really discussed me promoting Maya over you." Robert looked over to his wife and the expression on her face was unreadable at the moment, but he continued. "I think we both just wanted to be together, so we pushed it aside and then everything happened with your dad..." His voice trailed off a bit.
"And we never dealt with it. Not really. So here we are all this time later and it's coming back up for us in different ways," Andy finished for him. They exchanged a knowing look. It was obvious both of them had done some necessary reflecting since they parted ways earlier in the day.
"Something like that." Robert smiled softly before pressing a kiss to the back of her hand tucked snuggly in his grasp.
Andy turned slightly so she could face her husband more easily. She lifted one leg up and crossed it beneath her to get comfortable before making eye contact with Robert again. She took a deep breath and made a mental note to stay open as they moved forward. As committed as she was to having the difficult conversation she couldn't help feeling like they were reopening some old wounds. "Talk to me."
Robert found his wife's eyes. They were warm and filled with tenderness. He still wasn't totally sure where to begin so he just started talking. "The paperwork was done, Andy." He rubbed both hands over his head in frustration and shrugged his shoulders slightly as he replayed the conversation with Pruitt. It wasn't long before his hand slid from his wife's and he stood up to pace. "It was on my desk waiting for your signature. I went see Koracick about my leg, came back that evening to the station and your dad was there waiting for me. I thought he was coming to advocate for you...but it wasn't that. He didn't say why your year was going to get worse, but he did say it was going to. I had to make my own assumptions. I told him you would never forgive me and he said if I loved you, I would do it anyway. I didn't see any way for us to be together, so I did the next best thing, what I thought was going to take care of you at the time. Even if that meant you hating me."
Andy listened intently. Robert's whole body language showed his frustration. It had taken no time at all for whatever was percolating under the surface to spill over. More and more clearly she could see that while she was angry, and entitled to her rage, her husband was entitled to his. When she'd told him that she couldn't be angry with her dad, it also took away his ability to be angry with her dad. And the truth was, her father, who she loved beyond words had put them both in an impossible situation. She had never seen things quite that way before. She was surprisingly calm as she spoke her next words. "So who are you still angry at...yourself...my dad?"
Robert stopped his movement and looked at his wife. His head moved from side to side just slightly and his hands rested at his hips. "Don't do that..." He was shocked by his feelings, but couldn't not acknowledge their truth. He sensed her understanding and he didn't want it.
Andy was a bit taken back by Robert's response. "Do what?" She asked with genuine curiosity.
"Be understanding!" His voice raised and he looked at her with wide eyes. "I took the thing you wanted most in the world, the promotion you earned, the reason for us not being together and gave it to your best friend. I know I hurt you. You should be yelling. Furious with me. I know you're still angry."
"Yes! Okay." Andy yelled as she jumped up from her seated position on the bed, her hands landing on her hips. "I am angry. I am furious. I'm mad at Ryan for dying and sending me down a spiral. I'm mad at my dad for once again thinking he knew what was best for me, better than me. I'm angry that he put you in an impossible position. And yes, I'm angry with you for not trusting me enough to have a conversation with me, about me and for deciding I was too weak and fragile to handle it." Her voice shook and despite trying to hold them back she couldn't help the single tear that pricked her eye. That was it. This moment was their truth. Angrily she brushed the tear away, folded her arms. "I am not weak, Robert."
Robert listened to his wife, really heard her and his heart broke..."I know" he replied. His wife was built like a mack truck it seemed. She could take blow after blow and keep going. Honestly, that part of her worried him, but he knew she was anything but weak. "I'm sorry." The words were heavy, thick from the emotion in his voice and the regret that was so visible on his face.
"I know." Andy replied with an exasperated sigh. There was a part of her that wanted to hold on to her anger, to grip tightly to all the reasons she still had to be upset, but she knew, they'd never get past this if she didn't let them. She also trusted her husband and at the end of the day, knew his intentions with her were always for the best. Andy closed her eyes for a brief moment letting his words wash over her. She couldn't deny how good it felt to hear them plainly and simply. They felt like healing salve on a wound. They comforted her. They felt real, true and genuine.
Robert stared across the room towards his wife, the short distance between them feeling like an ocean. He watched her exhale deeply as she processed his words and he hoped she felt his remorse. There weren't many things in his life that he regretted, but this thing that had long been a dark shadow in the corner of their relationship was one of those things. He knew that it was impossible not to hurt the person you love sometimes, that was part of being in a relationship, but he still hated to know that she was hurting and it was his fault. "I made a mistake. I hurt you and I'm sorry."
"Thank you." Andy paused a moment before continuing. "I don't think I realized how much I needed to hear that." She saw the regret and remorse in her husband's eyes, she'd heard the emotion in his voice and with all the facts in front of her she knew her only choice was forgiveness. And sure, she would forgive Robert for him, she'd make peace with her dad in her own way, but mostly she would forgive them both for herself. To free herself from the anger and resentment that had been hiding under the surface.
Robert pulled her close, cupped her cheeks and wiped her tear stained cheeks with each thumb. "God, I hate to see you cry." He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and pulled her into a tight hug. Instantly Andy's arms found their way around Robert's center, she snuggled her head against his chest and they held each other.
As hard as this conversation had been they both knew it was long overdue. And despite not being able to do anything to change the past, they knew they could both do things differently in the future. That was their commitment both spoken and unspoken.
After several moments of silence, Andy's voice pierced the quiet. She pulled back just enough to make eye contact with Robert and with her hands resting at his waist said, "You know...if I'm letting you off the hook, you have to let yourself off too. I know you. You're hard on yourself."
Robert's hands traveled lightly down Andy's arm as he smiled a little. Yes, she knew him, but he also knew her and this is one of the ways they were most similar. "Pot. Kettle." He leaned in and whispered with the slightest smirk.
Holding her husband close, Andy felt raw. Vulnerable and exposed. Being open and honest, sharing her feelings, speaking her truth from a place of love and understanding was all still foreign territory for her. It was getting easier over time. She was trusting herself more, trusting Robert more, but it was still uncomfortable.
Robert had taken her completely by surprise. Before him, she hadn't spent much time thinking about who would be the love of her life. That just didn't seem quite as important as her career, but over the past 18 months, so much had changed. He was her person and despite not being who or what she thought she wanted or needed, he was it. He had broken down all the perfectly erected walls she'd had in place to protect herself. And day after day, moment after moment, she found herself growing more and more in love. It was scary and downright terrifying at times. It also filled her in ways she never could have anticipated. They had held out at first, fought hard to keep things platonic, but in the end the force pulling them together was irresistible. "I love you." She said softly staring up into Robert's eyes. "Frustrated with you. Fighting with you. I love you so damn much."
Robert shook his head lightly and smiled with understanding. "Andy..." he drawled. At a moment like this he wondered if he would ever be able to fully express the way he felt about her with his words. Quite honestly they just never seemed like enough. He could say that she'd brought him back to life, that she had permeated every cell of his being, that he felt connect to her in ways he'd never imagined possible, he could say that she drove him crazy in the absolute best way, that her smile lit him up inside and about a million other things, but it would never be enough. The words would always fail to tell the whole story of his love for her. "I love you so much my chest aches." He whispered softly. "You are everything. You own my heart."
And without another word, Robert closed the distance and pulled his wife into the sweetest kiss. He kissed like a man in love. Like a man with a deep desire to pour every ounce of feeling he had into this moment with the love of his life. He took his time. His kisses were deep, tender and thorough. His only thought was to communicate with his lips what he might never be able to say with his words. His fingers caressed her face with the slightest touch as his tongue ran across her bottom lip. He was savoring the moment, memorizing the taste and feel of her. With each brush of their lips he felt his desire grow. Tilting Andy's head back, he dropped kisses down her jaw to the sensitive place where her neck met her shoulder. His hand drifted down her side, reached her butt and pulled her firmly into his muscular frame.
Andy was wrapped in Robert's warmth physically and emotionally. She was grateful that after the conflict of the last couple of days she didn't feel like they were further apart, but closer. They'd both shared hard truths, both hit the release valve on their anger, they'd forgiven and she felt more in love than she did before. And even without saying those exact words, she knew Robert felt the same way. So this is how "grown ups" fight she thought to herself. She felt proud of her growth and also proud of them as a couple. She was sure about Robert, their love, their future, but it was moments like this that reminded her just how right this was. Never in relationships before had she been able to do what they'd done and come out on the other side stronger. All she wanted to do now was make love to her man.
With desire swirling in her belly, Andy slid her hands behind Robert's head and held him in place. He could set her on fire like no other man could. She would never tire of the feeling of his lips pressed to hers. With each passing moment, their kisses grew more and more urgent, both reveling in the feeling of one another. His tongue swept into her mouth with bold, demanding energy making her weak. Andy's hands found the hem of his blue henley, she pulled up and a slight groan fell from her lips as his perfectly bronze skin was revealed. He was damn near perfect. So incredibly handsome that every time felt like the first time...he still took her breath away. Her hands traced the lines of perfectly formed chest and well defined abs.
Robert's hands moved under her tank, gliding along the smooth skin of her back and abdomen. He teased her just a bit before finally lifting the athletic top over her head. Andy gasped in delight as his hands finally cupped her breasts and his thumbs brushed over her sensitive peaks. With each delicious stroke her core flooded with heat. "I need you..." she said, desire coating her voice. She wanted more, needed more, had to have more.
Robert cupped her ass and using almost no strength at all, lifted Andy. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he continued the assault on her lips as they traveled the short distance to their bed. Pulling the covers back, he laid her down and feasted upon her bare breasts. He kissed, licked and sucked until he knew his wife was burning for release. His hand slid between their bodies, into her yoga pants and his fingers boldly invaded her drenched folds. Andy's back arched instantly and an inaudible string of words fell from her lips. Robert knew he was driving her crazy. With each stroke of her bud, he applied more and more pressure. Andy's breath quickened and her hips moved involuntarily as he had his way with her. "Come for me," he said gruffly and slid a single finger in her tight channel and as he continued stroking her clit.
Andy's body was vibrating with need and as if she were completely under her husband's command, she obeyed his orders and let go. "Robert..." she panted as her whole body shook and her orgasm hit her with full force. Her brain was foggy and it was hard to focus with all of her senses on high alert. Robert placed a chaste kiss on her lips before standing to pull off her yoga pants and rid himself of his jeans. In one smooth motion he was back and hovering over her. Using her leg for leverage, Andy rolled them landing on top of Robert's perfectly formed chest. Straddling his body she leaned in nibbled the corners of his mouth, traced the lines of his lips and captured him in an all consuming kiss.
Robert's only recourse was to hold on tightly as she worked her magic. He ran his fingers through her hair and his hands coasted up and down the smooth skin of her back. She kissed down his neck, biting softly but not enough to leave a mark. Leaving a trail of wet open mouth kisses across Robert's chest, Andy's hand found his length and she lowered herself onto him. A strangled groan of pleasure, muddled with his wife's name, escaped his lips as he was enveloped in her warmth. Their eyes met and they held each other's gaze. With firey brown eyes colliding they set a slow delicious pace. Andy's hands perched on Robert's sculpted abs as she ground down and circled her hips, Robert's hands held her waist and he met her stroke for stroke. He was unable to think, unable to focus on anything but the all-consuming beauty that was his wife. With her flushed creamy skin, golden locks cascading over her shoulders, her perfectly formed body giving him everything she had, she was beyond incredible.
Andy bit her lip and tipped her head back, increasing the pace. She could feel her climax threatening to overtake her, but she wasn't ready to let go. Robert had other ideas though. With hands planted firmly on her hips he thrusted up and rotated his hips again and again knocking her off balance. Feeling the tiniest of contractions working their way through her body, Robert slipped a hand between them and fingered the sensitive bundle of nerves he knew would send her over the edge. That was it. She was done for. Her entire body flushed, her muscles clenched and she couldn't help but chant his name as her release ripped through her like an earthquake. She collapsed on top of him completely breathless. For a moment they lay there just like that without moving, still connected, Andy's head resting against Robert's chest as she caught her breath.
"You good?" Robert asked gruffly as a hand gently ran down her spine.
With eyes still closed, barely able to find her words, Andy replied. "I'm great."
"Open your eyes." Robert instructed gently. When she did he continued. "Good. We're not done."
It was only then that she realized he was not only still inside of her, he hadn't come yet and was still as hard as ever. In one swift motion, Andy finds herself on her back and her husband is hovering over her. He laces her fingers in his and brings both of their hands above their heads. Then he starts to move inside her again. It's slow, deliberate and intentional. He pulls all the way out and pushes all the way in, again and again. His mouth plunders hers, he trails firey kisses down her neck, sucking at the pulse point just under her ear that is often her undoing. Feeling delirious with pleasure and like she may combust at any moment, Andy whispered, "Faster."
Robert looked at her and smiled. He shook his head just slightly and replied back simply. "No."
Andy held his gaze and saw it. It was there in his eyes. He was telling her with his body all the things his words haven't been able to. She felt it in each kiss, each caress, each push and pull of their bodies. He was saying over and over, I love you. He was saying I'm sorry. He was worshipping her. He was saying it all. Letting her body do all the communicating, Andy shifted her legs up Robert's sides so she could rest her calves on his shoulders. He leaned into her legs and with this new angle, pushed in deeper. "Oh, Robert..." Her breath caught as she felt him reach every part of her. Her moody, complicated, amazing man was making slow sweet love to her and it was killing her in the best way.
"I love you," Robert whispered breathlessly. He can see in her eyes the recognition he hoped for. She feels it. She hears it. She knows. Their bodies are having the dialogue now. Exchanging all the messages they hadn't quite found words for yet. He leaned in and kissed her hard. It was his only response to her tightening around him. She was egging him on, pushing him to speed up and he does as he feels his release near. Hands still connected, Andy still opened wide to him he picked up the pace and carried them both to an explosion of pleasure. "Andy..." Robert cried into her neck as his body convulsed, his pelvis rocked forward and he pulsed deep inside her. Robert let go of Andy's hands, her legs collapsed around him, a lazy hand coasted up and down his sweat slicked back and he kissed her gently. When their breathing finally returned to normal, he slipped onto the bed and pulled her into his chest.
Robert wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he heard her breathing deepening. He knew it wouldn't be long before she drifted off into a nap. As he laid there, he knew there was one more thing he had to say and if he didn't, it would drive him crazy. "You awake?" He questioned from his relaxed state.
"Mmmmhhmmm..." Andy replied with eyes still closed.
"There's one more thing..." Robert said cautiously.
Andy wasn't sure what else could need to be said, but she knew that she was good. They'd both already spoken their truth, had the hottest make up sex known to man and where now about to comfortably drift off into a nap. She felt at peace with where things were. "Robert, whatever it is..." she sighed. "We're good."
"I just don't want you to have any doubts." Robert insisted.
"Okay," Andy said begrudgingly. She tilted her head up a bit to search her husband's face.
"I'm your husband and no matter what our titles at work are, I am always going to want to take care of you and it's not because I think you aren't capable. It's because I love you and it's my job as your husband to take care of you." He gave her the don't argue with me look and as annoyed as she was hearing it, she couldn't help the smile forming on her lips. "I also get that this is your moment. You deserve it and so much more so I'm taking a step back even further back, as hard as that might be, because it's your time to shine." Andy's smile got bigger and bigger as she listened to her husband. "I believe in you. I know one day you will make an amazing captain. All I ask, is that you come to me when you need to. All my experience isn't doing me a ton of good right now. Let me put it to work for you. Okay?"
"Okay." Andy said with a grin. She knew him coming to that decision hadn't been easy and was grateful that he wanted to make sure they were absolutely clear.
"What?" Robert replied with curiosity as he eyed his wife and worked to read her facial expression.
"You just keep giving me reasons to love you." Andy replied simply. Feeling completely contentment in the moment, she laid her head back down, leaned into the warmth of her man and drifted off into a comfortable slumber.