Heavy breaths filled the room as Jay collapsed onto the bed next to Erin, still being mindful in the aftermath of passion to not hurt her. He heard her throaty laugh when she saw the state he was in— sweat glistening all over his body and his hair tossed every which way. Erin scooted over closer so she could reach his chest and wipe away some of the sweat, the amused look still on her face.
"You were right," he panted, still sounding breathless. Her eyebrow rose in intrigue, waiting for him to clarify what he meant. "Thin crust was the way to go."
That was the debate earlier tonight before they ended up in bed— Chicago deep dish pizza for dinner or New York thin crust one. Of course since Jay was a Chicagoan through and through, he was loyal to the deep dish. Erin, the New Yorker that she was now, was the contrarian. She had argued that he didn't know what he was missing with the thin crust and if they were to choose the heavier deep dish then they'd be too full and wouldn't be able to do anything afterward. The waggles of her eyebrows as she laid out her argument made it clear just what the anything would be. And how could Jay argue with that?
Another chuckle— deep and low as the one before— escaped Erin as she propped her head up by her elbow. "You should know by now that I'm always right."
Jay just rolled his eyes before he rested his hand over her hips, drawing her closer. Their lips locked in slow and lazy kisses, his fingers trailing her skin. They exchanged a few more kisses before they finally pulled apart and laid back on the bed, his hand tucked in between his head and the pillow.
The frigid wind was howling especially loud outside, a telltale sign of an impending snowstorm. But in here, they were safe and warm. Even the noise of the window rattling every few seconds did nothing to detract from the atmosphere. Instead, it was just the opposite as Erin shuffled closer and closer to him with every sound the window made.
"You're cold." Jay noticed just how icy her skin was becoming as the sweat dried in the cool air and he blindly reached down for the blanket to cover her with it. Then he pulled her in so her head was resting in the crook of his arm. To keep her extra warm, of course.
"The window still rattles," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. As if on cue, the window demonstrated her point as it shook against the bitter wind outside. "I couldn't sleep when I first moved in here because of it. Hank always said he'd fix it but here we are."
Jay tightened his arm around her and pressed his lips on the top of her head, silently giving her support. It had been a couple of weeks since Voight's death and while Erin had been coping with it far better than he thought, there were still moments like this where her vulnerability would show. But Jay was glad for it. Not just because she was allowing him to be here for those instances, but because she was allowing herself to feel the loss. She wasn't hiding from everyone and herself like she did when Nadia had passed. She wasn't turning to drugs and alcohol so she wouldn't have to face what happened. This was Erin actively choosing the healthier way to cope and Jay couldn't be more prouder of her for it.
"I can fix it," Jay offered. "It should be pretty easy." From what Jay could tell, the window just probably needed weather stripping. That should stop the wind from doing their damage and plus, it would keep the room warm which would be an added benefit because Jay knew how Erin got cold easily.
"You've been fixing everything around here." He had. At least literally. Voight's house was built several decades ago and needed some upgrades here and there. Jay had taken it upon himself to be the designated handyman. It kept him busy and gave him something to focus on. Plus, there was the additional bonus of it giving him a reason to be around Erin and keep coming over to the house. He wasn't ready for whatever this was with her to be over.
Jay had been trying not to overthink things or read too much into the time he had been spending with Erin ever since she came back nearly a month ago. Especially what exactly it was they were doing ever since that night. They had an agreement to just take things one day at a time and not think too far ahead in the future. Jay was trying. Really.
He didn't allow himself to count down the days until Erin's two months would be up or the day where Voight's house would be sold— leaving Erin with no reason to stay longer in Chicago. Erin going back to New York was the goodbye waiting for him, like a sunset in the horizon. Inevitable. Imminent. As sure as the sun would rise and it would set everyday.
Not wanting to think of it any longer, he held her face and kissed her. The kiss was far from the slow and almost languid kisses they exchanged earlier. This was purposeful, it was deep. It was Jay drowning himself in everything Erin and allowing himself to go down willingly.
By the look in her eyes after the kiss, he could tell she wasn't expecting that. He even saw the beginning of a blush starting to form on her face and she dropped her head almost bashfully. Jay's heart swelled with just pure affection for her. Here they were in bed together— fully naked and still coming down post-orgasmic high— and she was shy because of a kiss. His chest rumbled with laughter as he laid a firm kiss on her forehead.
"When is the first open house, anyway?" Jay asked, getting back to the topic at hand. As much as he wanted to delay the inevitability of Erin selling the house and going back to New York, he knew it had to be done at some point.
"Sunday. They're staging the house and showing it. The realtor actually told me to stay the hell away during the showings," she replied with a laugh.
"Yeah? And where are you planning on going?" Jay asked, already trying to tamper himself down from excitement with ideas about how he and Erin can spend the Sunday together outside of the house. So far the only time they spent together was either in the house and the few occasions they stepped outside to pick up a few items at the store and to run errands.
"Kim actually wanted me to come over for lunch at her place." Jay's hope flattened but he tried to keep his face neutral.
"And you agreed?"
She shrugged. "You're not the only one who's bored without work. Besides, I haven't spent any time with her since I've been back."
He narrowed his eyes. "Because I've been monopolizing your time?"
"Not like I'm complaining," she retorted with a grin matching his own. "Besides this is a lot more fun than sharing a cobb salad over lunch with Kim. Don't tell her I said that."
"What happens in this bed will stay in this bed. Promise."
She laughed, rolling her eyes. "God, I forgot how big of a dork you are," she teased, placing her hand on his chest. She laughed a little bit more before she gazed up at him with earnest eyes. "Thank you," she told him, Jay looking at her questioningly. But before he could ask her what on earth she had to thank him for, she continued, giving him a sneak peek as to what was going on in her mind. "I don't know how I would've gotten through these past few weeks without you. When I first came back here, I didn't think I'd be able to smile. Let alone laugh but here I am. If it wasn't for you, I think I'd be shutting myself in and just wallowing in grief. So thank you."
A soft smile crossed his face. "You're not giving yourself enough credit, Erin. I didn't do anything besides make a few stupid jokes. You're the reason why you're handling this so well. It's because you're strong and you're resilient. Even if I wasn't here, I know you'd stand on your feet."
"You being here makes it easier though."
Her words brought a soft satisfied smile onto his face and he just gazed into her eyes, an unspoken promise of being there for her shining in them.
It turned out that the cobb salad to share with Kim over lunch had somehow turned into a whole blown lunch gathering and Jay had gotten roped into it. Apparently, it was the same for everyone else in Intelligence because they all showed up to Kim's apartment with the same expression on their faces. One that said they had been suckered into coming by Kim's doe eyes. Damn those eyes that made Jay feel like he was kicking a puppy whenever he had to say no to her.
Intelligence were all friends with each other but they didn't do this. They had each other's back out on the field and in the bullpen and they commiserate over beer— shots of whiskey on those really tough days— at Molly's. But they didn't have each other over for lunch in their homes. Jay couldn't even think of the last time he had been over at any of their places, except for Hailey's during their short-lived relationship.
"Halstead, chicken salad or tuna?" Kim called out from the kitchen as soon as Jay stepped inside her place.
"Uh…"
"Tuna," Erin mouthed at him from where she was sitting on the couch, a beer already in her hand.
"Tuna," Jay shouted back at Kim before he joined the group that was already gathered around Kim's living room. Adam passed him a beer and Kevin placed a bowl of chips in front of him. "What are we watching?"
"Training Day."
"Really? We don't get enough of this crap at work?" Jay asked.
"Ah ah. But we're not at work. At least we're not seeing action," Adam pointed out. "Not until Crowley takes the leash off of us." They all let out disgruntled noises at Adam's statement. So far, Intelligence had been relegated to paper pushing duties and it was driving everyone crazy. Jay used to complain about having erratic work hours before but the past two weeks of going into work at 9 and being able to come home at 6 and never leaving the bullpen all day just felt wrong. It turned out the grass wasn't greener on the other side.
"When is that happening by the way?" Erin asked. "Crowley can't do this to you guys for that much longer, right?"
"Crowley does whatever she wants. Apparently what she wants is to treat us like we're a liability to the department," Hailey replied.
"I know Intelligence isn't the most by the book unit but she can't really be this worried about you guys going after the One-Niner. He's in custody," Erin voiced what everyone was thinking and what they were worried about.
Erin was right. The person responsible for Voight's death was in custody so Crowley's excuse of not letting Intelligence out on the field for fear of retribution was just that. An excuse. A poorly thought of one at that. But there wasn't anything they could do except follow orders for now. They needed to show Crowley and the rest of the Ivory Tower that Intelligence wasn't a liability but an asset. One that they needed to keep.
"That's what we're thinking when we're pushing papers in the bullpen," Kevin griped. "So right now, the most action we'll see is in this movie."
"Guys, lunch is ready," Kim announced and they got up to follow her, all squeezing around each other at the small circular dining table. Jay found himself sitting next to Erin— coincidentally, of course— and he handed her a bottle of water next to the sodas that Kim had set out in the middle, knowing that Erin didn't drink soda.
"Thanks." Erin flashed him a quick smile, meant to be only shared by the two of them.
"Alright, here we go." Kim brought over the stack of sandwiches that she had made. "Okay, so everyone is chicken salad except for Halstead."
"Got to be the special one, huh?" Adam teased as he passed Jay his tuna salad sandwich. Jay glanced over at the chicken salad sandwich on Erin's plate and immediately saw just why Erin had advised him to go for the tuna and he scrunched his nose.
"You have a problem with my chicken salad?" Kim asked, noticing the look on Jay's face.
"It has raisins in it," both he and Erin answered at the same time. Jay whipped his head around to look at Erin and how she still remembered his dislike for raisins, formed after years of having to endure horrible chicken salad from his mom's friends. Erin wasn't looking at him though, just keeping her head straight ahead so all he saw her profile. But when Jay discreetly reached over to rest his hand on her thigh, she covered it with hers. Jay flipped his hand around to link their fingers together, the small action hidden from everyone else.
"So Lindsay, since the rest of us are out of commission for now, why don't you tell us about your big fancy FBI job so we can live vicariously through you?" Kevin suggested, Erin letting go of Jay's hand so the small moment stayed between them and they could actually eat their food.
"What do you want to know?" Erin asked as she took a bite of the sandwich.
"You're still with the counter-terroism unit, right?" Erin nodded. "So what's that like? Do you even see action?"
Erin wiped her mouth. "We do. A lot."
"Yeah?" Adam seemed surprised. "But I mean, there's not like a terrorist attack every day."
"Thank god," Kim added and murmurs of agreement chimed around the room.
Erin chuckled. "You'd be surprised, Ruzek. Lots of things don't make it onto the six o' clock news. There's threats every single day, especially in a big city like New York."
"I can't even imagine having to deal with potential buildings blowing up or a bomb going off somewhere. I mean, Intelligence sees action but it's usually some low level gangbanger or some junkie," Kim commented.
"Terrorism isn't just big profile attacks like 9/11. Those get the most attention but I can't even tell you just how many extremists there are around you. Just everyday average guy that you wouldn't look twice at going home and planning out an attack."
"Domestic terrorism," Jay remarked.
Erin nodded. "It's pretty terrifying just how many terrorist cells there are. Group of people sharing the same extremist beliefs, ready and willing to get violent. They don't care who gets hurt in the crossfire, as long as their ideas get attention. The maximum damage, the better."
"That's unsettling. How do you even take them down? They're all so secretive and underground right?" Hailey asked.
"Yeah. They have their own code, their own language and they all operate in the dark. The important thing for us is to make sure we get ahead of them before they can carry out their plans but it's not easy when most of the time, we don't know who we're supposed to target. Like I said, a terrorist isn't just the faces on the wanted poster that we see all the time. It could be the guy at the market you see everyday, your next door neighbor. Anyone, really. So yeah, it's not easy but it's worth all the hard work and getting your hands dirty when you can prevent an attack from happening."
Jay couldn't tear his eyes away from Erin as she spoke about her work and how proud and fulfilled she seemed. It was beautiful to watch someone with a purpose to their life, like they were exactly where they were meant to be, doing exactly what they were supposed to be doing. A trace of jealousy started bubbling up in Jay— not because he wanted to devoid Erin of happiness— but because he found that he wanted it for himself.
Jay had followed Erin back to Voight's house after lunch was over. He wasn't planning on it but a tilt of the head from Erin as she was about to leave was the unspoken invitation Jay had been looking for and twenty minutes later, he was making some half excuse to get out of Kim's place as quickly as possible.
He pulled up to the driveway and saw that it was empty, aside from Erin's loaner car. She must've seen him pulling up from inside because she had the front door open, already waiting for him in the doorway. He climbed up the steps and gave her a quick kiss as soon as he got inside.
"Open house is over?" he asked, taking off his coat.
"For today." She led him to the living room and they plopped down on the couch, Erin propping her feet up on the coffee table before she quickly pulled them back. "I'm not supposed to get the place dirty in between showings," she explained after seeing the questioning look on his face.
Jay let out a chortle at the notion of Erin actually having to keep the house as tidy and clean as it was right now. He looked around the house and saw that not a thing was out of place. There wasn't even a speck of dust anywhere. Someone— definitely not Erin— had come in and got this place in the most pristine shape for the open house showings. He already knew Erin would go crazy living in a sterile environment like this.
"You're not going to last a week," he joked and an affronted noise came out of her throat.
"Excuse you but I can be clean," she asserted.
"I mean, you're not dirty. It's just you're messy," Jay clarified, Erin still not looking happy with his description. But it was the truth. He would know after years of being the closest person to her and nearly a year of living with her. Erin was just messy, in the nicest sense of the word. Like she wasn't too bothered with the little things like if the cord to her hair dryer was wrapped up nicely so it wouldn't be in the sink as an electrocution hazard or putting the coffee can in the same place so they didn't have to search for it when they were half asleep in the morning.
She deemed him as being too uptight, on the other hand. Jay admitted that he could be a bit overzealous in his needs to tidy things and make sure there was a place for everything. It was the opposite of Erin and really, they should've clashed more than they did. But what made them different from each other was also what made them really good with each other. They balanced each other out, Jay influencing Erin to be a bit more organized and Erin making him more relaxed.
"Whatever," she grumbled. "I don't even know why you came here if I'm so messy."
"Have I ever complained about your messiness before?" he asked with an easy grin.
"Yes," she answered immediately. "Remember that time that you threw a hissy fit over my hair dryer in the bathroom?"
Jay did recall that instance. "In my defense, it happened when we were in my hole in the wall apartment. There was barely room for the two of us to stand in the bathroom at the same time. Not to mention, I almost tripped and hit my head on the sink. Name another time."
Erin thought his defense over, jutting her mouth out. "What about that time we were at the cabin and you wouldn't let me eat anywhere but the kitchen?"
Jay held his finger up, ready to defend himself again. "No, I wouldn't let you eat outside. There were bears in the area, Erin. The food would've attracted them."
"If your liberal use of old spice didn't attract them, I hardly think my chips would have," she shot back and took a dig at him.
He looked at her, exasperated. "That's not….I've never got any complaints from you about how I smelled before."
"Maybe I was just being nice," she retorted, smirking.
"And now?"
"And now I see no reason to hold back, seeing as how you're not by calling me messy."
Jay just laughed, unable to think of a comeback. Erin tried to keep her face steady but soon enough, she was laughing along with him. He tossed his head back on the couch, remnant of laughter still in his chest. He took a breath, turning his head to the side to look at Erin. There was a flush in her cheeks from laughter and her eyes were bright and smiling and he loved seeing her like this. He loved himself like this.
It was no secret that when Erin left for New York, she took his heart with him. A heart that he had spent the last five years trying to build back and made it whole. He thought he had done a pretty good job of moving on with his life. He focused on his job, he dated. He tried not to shut himself off the possibility of getting married and building a family— even if it wasn't with the person he envisioned himself with. it didn't work but he was fine with never getting married. Really, he had been doing alright.
But it wasn't until Erin came back to town and had somehow reestablished her place in his life that Jay realized that she had taken something else with him when she left him behind. A part of himself that had been missing all along. The part that smiled more and laughed more. A part that allowed himself to just be in the moment and be happy. Carefree moments like this where banters flowed and he was making stupid wisecracks all so he could see Erin laugh and he was laughing just as hard with her. He didn't even notice it until she came back, like colors flooding a scene in a black and white movie.
"You've done a pretty good job with the place," he complimented her. "So are you finished going through all the rooms?" The real meaning behind his question went unspoken. Had she gone through Voight's room yet? Erin had been putting it off, not ready to go in there just yet so Jay had gone in for her and made sure that the room looked presentable at least. He had cleaned out the less personal items and left whatever it was in Voight's drawer alone. It wasn't his place to see.
She looked at him, knowing what he was asking her. "There's a couple of drawers of his that I haven't gotten into yet. I'm trying to take things slow."
He nodded, glad that she had at least made herself go in the room. Slow was okay. Slow was reasonable as long as she wasn't putting it off. Not that Jay really had to worry because Erin had been dealing with Voight's death amazingly.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked him, bashfully after seeing the soft look on his face directed at her.
He shook himself out of his thoughts and gave her a relaxed smile. "You're just dealing with everything really well."
"You mean I'm not getting drunk in the middle of the day at Bunny's dive bar?" she asked bluntly. "I've learned my lesson with that."
"Good. Not that I was worried that you'd fall back into a hole."
"I wouldn't blame you if you did," she said.
"When my dad died, I was a mess and I had Will to help me and didn't have to do everything by myself. And here you are, left to deal with everything and you're just taking it on."
"I'm not exactly doing it alone," she replied. "Trudy helped with the funeral arrangements a lot and let's face it, you did most of the heavy lifting here." They shared a laugh. Erin sighed, the laughter ebbing away slowly. "I don't know. I thought I'd never be back in Chicago. I was scared to come back here."
"Yeah?"
"By the end, I was just done with the city. It had been wearing me down my whole life that New York felt like an escape. A chance to start over."
"Looks to me like you've taken a full advantage of it." Erin seemed like a new person. She still had the qualities that made her Erin and that made Jay fall in love with her all those years ago but she had a brighter outlook on life, a new way to see things. "I'm almost jealous," he confessed.
She seemed surprised. "Maybe you should get out of town for a while like I did," Erin suggested. "Take a breather away from everything."
"You have no idea how many times I planned on doing that. I've made so many plans to go up to the cabin for a weekend but I never did."
"Why not? You love the cabin."
He shrugged. "Work always got in the way. Plus the cabin isn't all that fun when you're up there alone."
"You didn't take anyone else there?" Erin asked, an almost hopeful look on her face. He hadn't. Everytime he thought of taking Hailey or the few other women he had dated casually after Hailey to the cabin, something always stopped him. A voice telling him that it felt wrong to bring someone up there. Hell, he didn't even tell any of them about the cabin and how important it was to him.
He could count on one hand the amount of times he had gone up there in the last five years. What was once his sanctuary because of the peace, quiet and solitude had changed because now the place was filled with memories of being there with her. Holed up for the weekend in the middle of the winter with no t.v or radio, just the two of them and a cozy fire. It felt strange to be there alone with the deafening silence and it felt wrong to bring someone else up there so it was just easier not to go at all.
He guessed that was just another thing she had taken with her without him knowing.
Jay took off his shirt and threw it on the couch before heading to the kitchen to grab himself a beer. Another day of tedious desk duty was over but the end wasn't in sight. He was so desperate to do something other than desk duty that even overnight violence reduction duty sounded good to him. Anything to end this brain numbing monotony that he and his unit found themselves in.
He checked his phone and saw that there weren't any new messages or missed calls. Jay just clucked his tongue, trying not to feel disappointed. He may have left a message or two— three, really— to Erin about them meeting up. He wanted to take her to dinner and had been trying to think of a way to ask her without making it seem like a date. He certainly didn't want to freak Erin out. What they had right now was amazing and fun but it was still undefined. Erin seemed to be in no rush for that to change— to talk about what this meant for them and what it could mean in the future. Jay had been trying to go along with that. To go with the flow. To take things one day at a time like they agreed without making things — more— complicated.
He sat down on the couch and looked at his phone again, debating whether to text her again or not. She had obviously gotten his messages and he knew that she wasn't doing anything besides a quick meeting with her realtor today. So there was the definite possibility that she was just ignoring him, not wanting to see him as much he wanted to see her. A sinking feeling came over him at that, Jay not wanting to face just how much he gotten attached to Erin. Again.
Before he could give that feeling much thought, a knock sounded on his door and he dragged himself to answer it.
"Did you know I was coming over or is it just a lucky coincidence?"
He was in a stupor of actually seeing Erin at his door that he didn't really understand what she was talking about at first. It wasn't until her eyes trailed down his chest and a flirtatious smirk crossed her lips that he remembered that he was half naked.
"I guess it's just your lucky day," he quickly recovered, grinning as he leaned against the door.
"Mm," she hummed, hooking her eyebrows. "I guess it is."
He smiled, all the apprehension and doubt that he had earlier about them vanishing at the sight of her. "Looks like it's my lucky day too. What are you doing here?"
Erin didn't answer right away. Instead she lifted up her hand to reveal an overnight bag that Jay didn't even see she was holding. He looked at her, confused.
"Are you up for a road trip?"
Fifteen minutes later, Erin was laying on his bed with her leg crossed while he was busy stuffing whatever clothes he saw first into a duffle bag. The scene was strangely familiar— one of them watching the other pack— but this time was a far cry from the heartbreaking last night they shared as he had to sit by and helplessly watch as Erin packed up her things for New York.
This time, wherever Erin was going, he was going with her.
"Ann Arbor?" Jay asked, his voice sounding muffled coming from inside of his closet. He grabbed a couple of t-shirts and a heavier jacket since he wasn't sure how the weather on the road to Michigan would be. "The aunt's there?"
He saw Erin gave him a nod as a reply when he headed back over to the bed to pack the shirts inside. "I talked to her earlier."
"And she's okay with taking this kid in?"
"Aaron. His name is Aaron Theriot," Erin filled him in. "And yeah, she is. Hank was supposed to be taking him there before you know."
Jay just pursed his mouth into a thin smile. Voight's death was still very raw and fresh and it was still difficult to think about sometimes. But Voight did die for a reason. He wanted to help out a kid and got caught in the crossfire.
"How did you find out his information? Crowley wouldn't tell us anything about who was involved."
Erin got up from where she was laying on the bed and sat up straighter. "I finally started to clean out Voight's drawers," she told him in a small voice. "I found the file with Aaron's name in one of them."
Jay sat down next to her, their thighs touching. "What did it say?"
"Not much," she replied, her eyebrows furrowing. "Um, it wasn't an official file." Jay figured that since Aaron wasn't a part of any of the cases Intelligence was working on. "Aaron got picked up working as a runner for the One-Niner and I guess after talking with him, the officer that picked him up realized that he needed help rather than being locked up. So he reached out to Hank because they used to work together."
"So that's why Voight was going to help Aaron get out," Jay concluded.
She nodded, confirming his theory. "He tried to make a deal with the One-Niners first but that wasn't a go so I guess Hank thought it was best to get him out of Chicago. Aaron told him about an aunt in Michigan."
"What about his parents? Are they around?"
"One's locked up and the other hasn't been around since he was a child. He was living with a foster family. And I'm using the word 'family' in the lightest sense of the word. He slipped through the system and he was on his own. You should've seen the place he was living in, Jay," Erin said, gritting her teeth in anger at the last part.
Jay frowned. "You went to his house?"
"I needed to talk to Aaron and check up on him," she replied, unaware of what Jay was getting at.
Jay huffed, his body tensing up. "Erin, you went to the One-Niner territory by yourself? Without backup? Do you even realize how dangerous that was?" His protective instincts over Erin surging once again at the realization that Erin had gone into a gang territory alone. Now he knew why she had been unreachable earlier. "Why didn't you tell me or ask me to come?"
Erin seemed surprised by his reaction, like it somehow didn't cross her mind that he'd be worried about her going off to dangerous parts of town with no back up to protect her.
"Um," she blinked. "I didn't….it was sort of a spur of the moment thing, Jay. I saw the file earlier today and I just acted. Besides, you were at work."
Jay took a deep breath and exhaled. He knew he needed to reign himself in instead of going all overprotective boyfriend mode on her. Especially since he wasn't her boyfriend and Erin didn't see him that way.
"I'm sorry," he offered with a smile that looked more like a grimace. "I didn't mean to go off on you like that. I might have overreacted."
"Might have?" she shot back, a hint of a grin on her face.
He huffed. "Okay, I overreacted and I'm sorry," he tried again, finding his effort worth it when she looked pleased.
She shuffled even closer to him and laid a kiss on his cheeks. "It's okay. I know you're just worried about me." She used her thumb to wipe his cheek. "But in case you forgot, I am a FBI agent Jay. I know how to take care of myself." He nodded, conceding. "Thank you for worrying about me though."
The word 'always' was on the tip of his tongue when Erin lifted his chin and captured his lips. And as always, whatever that was on his mind seemed to vanish whenever her lips was on his.
The light and playful mood from earlier was gone the instance they arrived at Aaron's foster home. Jay gave Erin an encouraging nod as they waited for Aaron to answer the door. When it finally opened, Jay was met with a kid that barely looked a day over 13.
"Hey, Aaron," Erin greeted him softly, like she was trying not to spook the kid.
"What are you doing back here? I told you to stay away," Aaron spat. Jay and Erin shared a quick glance, both of them seeing through the kid's tough act. He was scared, no matter how much he was pretending not to be.
"And I told you I was coming back," Erin returned. "Can we come in?" Aaron looked conflicted for a quick second, studying the both of them with distrusting eyes. "Aaron."
Aaron gave in and opened the door wider, letting them inside his home. As Jay stepped inside, he knew exactly why Erin had been upset earlier. The house was a mess. Trash was everywhere, the clutter threatened to overwhelm the home and it looked like an adult hadn't been home in weeks. If Aaron had to live in this condition— especially when he was still recovering from the fire— Jay's heart went out for him.
"What do you want?" Aaron asked.
Erin stepped closer to him and laid a hand on his shoulder, gently. "I talked to your aunt in Ann Arbor. The one that Sergeant Voight was going to take you to and she still wants to take you in. Get you away from here."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Aaron, you told Sergeant Voight that you wanted to get out of the gang and getting you out of town is the safest thing for you. We can take you to your aunt, where you'll be safe. We promise," Erin tried to change his mind.
But Aaron was stubborn. "No. I'm not going anywhere. You need to go."
"Aaron," Jay called.
"No!" Aaron shouted suddenly, shaking off Erin's hand from his shoulder. "I'm not leaving You need to get out! Go before I get you killed too."
Aaron's outburst gave them the window as to why he had wanted to be left alone. Why he had changed his mind on wanting to get out of town and refusing their help. The poor kid was drowning in guilt over Voight's death.
Jay looked at Erin and saw the realization on her face, the raw emotions so clear. He saw her bite them all down and set her jaw, trying to remain strong for the hurting kid in front of them. She knelt down so she was eye-level with Aaron and gently turned him around so he could see her.
"Aaron, Sergeant Voight's death was not your fault, do you understand me?" Erin started, her voice rough. Aaron was crying, tears rolling freely down his face.
"It's my fault," he kept on mumbling through his sobs. "He got killed because of me. I killed him."
"No," Erin interjected firmly. "It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong."
"He was at the warehouse because of me. Darius shot him because I wanted to get out. If it wasn't for me, he'd still be alive."
Jay joined them on the ground, his hand on Aaron's back, trying to send every bit of comfort to the kid. "No, buddy. None of this is your fault. What Darius did, that's on him. Not you."
"But if I didn't ask for his help, Sergeant Voight would still be here."
Erin glanced over at Jay, both of them trying to figure out how to help Aaron. How to get him to accept the help so that he would be away from harm and be safe.
"Aaron, look at me," Erin called softly. "I know you're feeling a lot of guilt over what happened. But I promise you, you didn't get Sergeant Voight killed. Do you know what a police officer is supposed to do? It's to protect people like you. People who need help. Sergeant Voight saw that you needed help and he saw that it was his job to help you."
Aaron looked back at them with teary eyes. "I just don't want anyone else to get hurt," he said in a small voice. He sounded like the kid that he was, instead of the person that was trying to sound older than he was earlier.
"Aaron, look at this," Jay held up his badge. "See this? I'm a police officer too and it's my job to protect you. And Erin, she's this awesome FBI agent and she's the toughest and bravest person I know. You don't have to worry about us getting hurt."
"And I've read about you and I know just how tough you are. So I need you to be strong right now Aaron and listen to us. Let us take you to your aunt in Michigan. She's waiting for you and she can't wait to see you," Erin added.
Jay gave Aaron's shoulder a squeeze. "So what do you say, buddy? Can we take you there?"
Aaron shifted his eyes back and forth meekly between them before finally accepting their offer. "Okay."
They arrived in Ann Arbor at the crack of dawn, after five hours of driving through the night. Jay yawned and blinked rapidly a few times to get the sleep out of his eyes. His tired eyes went to the rear view mirror and saw Erin with her eyes closed in the back, Aaron's head on her shoulder. He cranked up the heat a little bit more, feeling the temperature drop just as the sun rose. He checked on Erin and Aaron again, making sure they were still sleeping soundly.
She had decided to ride in the back with Aaron to keep him company, Jay's jacket draped over them both. Erin had given her jacket to Aaron after they discovered that the boy didn't even have a jacket that wasn't filled with holes or fraying at the edges. So naturally, Jay had given his jacket to Erin.
They had talked most of the way, Aaron hesitantly asking Erin questions about Voight and how she met him. Erin had sugarcoated most of her experiences but the two of them were still able to bond over the similar circumstances of their lives. Jay just listened to them talk, only chiming in here and there. He was just happy that Aaron seemed to be opening up a little bit more.
He hoped Ann Arbor and a fresh start would do Aaron well.
The next time he looked in the rearview mirror again, Erin was already awake and looking back at him. She gave him a sleepy smile and Jay swore he could literally feel his heart jolt at the sight. Damn.
"Hungry?" he mouthed, not wanting to wake Aaron up yet. She nodded and mouthed back 'starving."
He chuckled quietly and exited the freeway after seeing the sign for a diner. He pulled into the empty parking lot and Erin started to wake Aaron up gently.
"Hmm? Are we here?" the kid asked groggily.
"Almost there, bud," Jay replied, turning around in his seat. "Thought we'd stopped in for some breakfast? How about some pancakes?"
Aaron nodded, losing the sleepiness at the mention of pancakes. Erin chuckled before leading him out of the car.
"Brr. It's so cold," Erin shivered as soon as she stepped outside and she made sure that her jacket was covering Aaron well. Jay picked up his jacket from the seat and draped it over Erin, making sure she was covered well. "You must be freezing," Erin remarked at seeing him in just his henley only.
"I'm good," his visible breath in the cold air was a dead giveaway that he was lying. "We need to get inside like right now." She laughed at seeing him bouncing on his feet to keep himself warm before she and Aaron ran to the diner, Jay following.
It felt like heaven inside the diner. A warm and cozy heaven that smelled amazing. He was still shivering slightly as they waited for the waitress to seat them. Erin reached up to wipe the snow off his hair, the two of them sharing a quiet moment.
"Table for three?" The only waitress that was working there broke the moment and she led them to a booth in the corner. "What can I get started for you guys?"
"Two coffees and um...what drink do you want, bud?" Jay asked Aaron.
"We have really good hot chocolate," the waitress suggested. "Made with whole milk, real chocolate and marshmallows on top."
"Mmm," Erin hummed. "Now I want one too."
"Make that three hot chocolates then," Jay concluded, turning in their drinks order. The waitress laughed before excusing herself to give them some time to look over the menu.
"I'm starving because everything sounds so good," Erin mumbled to herself before turning to Aaron. "What do you think Aaron? What sounds good to you?"
Aaron was still quietly looking at the menu before pointing to just a plain stack of pancakes. Jay and Erin looked at each other, knowing exactly why he had picked it.
"That's all? You don't want any eggs, bacon, or sausage with that?" Aaron shook his head. Jay bent his head so he could catch Aaron's eyes. "You know you can get anything you want, right bud? You don't have to worry about the prices."
Erin placed her hand on Aaron's shoulder. "Jay's right. You're still growing so you need to eat more. How about the grand slam breakfast instead?" Erin pointed to a picture in the menu.
"You guys decided yet?" the waitress asked as she came back.
"Um yeah, I'll have the grand slam breakfast," Jay placed the order first, hoping that if he chose the biggest item on the menu it would encourage Aaron to do the same.
"Me too," Erin followed, catching onto Jay's plan.
"And for the gentleman?" the waitress asked, all of them shifting their attention to Aaron.
He looked at Jay and Erin before quietly ordering, "the grand slam breakfast, please."
"Three grand slam breakfast, it is!" she wrote down their orders. "That's the most popular item on the menu and a speciality of the diner."
"We chose well then," Jay replied.
"It'll fill you folks up enough to get you where you're going."
Erin cocked her eyebrow. "You can tell that we're not locals?"
"From the moment you walked in," the waitress replied. "Most people who come into the diner aren't. So I'm guessing you guys are on a family vacation? Although I don't know what would possess you to take a roadtrip in this weather."
Jay bit back the smile at being mistaken for a family by the waitress. He guessed he shouldn't be that surprised. It wasn't that reach of an assumption for her to make. Aaron was at the age where he did look like he could be their son. What he was surprised by, however, was the feeling that took over him at the sound of a family road trip with Erin and a child that they didn't even have. It surprised him just how much he wanted it.
After failing to propose to Erin, Jay had pushed aside the thought of marriage. He had shoved the idea of marriage in the drawer, next to his mom's ring. He just assumed that he'd never get married again. That whoever he'd end up with, they'd just be in a long term relationship. No wedding, no marriage, and no kids. So far, he hadn't changed his mind in the last five years or had even given it a second thought. Work consumed his life and really, was it even a good idea to bring a kid into the world with a hectic schedule like he had?
But now as the random waitress that Jay didn't even know the name of casually made her comment, it got his mind in motion. It got him actually giving it a second thought of how it'd be like if what she said was true. That instead of he and Erin taking Aaron to his aunt, it was he and Erin with their child on a family road trip. Just the three of them, a car and the road.
"Jay!" He finally snapped out of his fantasy and realized that Erin had probably been trying to get his attention for a while now. And that somehow their food had been delivered and Aaron was already tucking in to the pancakes.
He cleared his throat. "Sorry, what did you say?"
She studied him for a beat, probably checking to see what the hell was wrong with him. "I was saying maybe we should stop by somewhere and see if we can buy a jacket? Maybe some other necessities too?"
He nodded, agreeing with her. They really did need to buy Aaron a few things before they dropped him off with his aunt. As they helped him pack, it was quickly apparent that Aaron didn't have a lot of things. A good jacket, warm clothes and a few other necessities were definitely needed.
"How's the food?" the waitress came to check on them. "Looks like someone likes it," she laughed, seeing Aaron shoveling the food in.
"It's good," he replied with a mouthful.
"Actually, can we ask you for something else?" Jay began.
"Ask away, what can I get you guys?"
"Um, we were wondering if there's any store opened at this time? A place where we can buy some clothes and a jacket?" Erin asked.
"You guys didn't pack enough for the weather, huh?" the waitress asked knowingly. "Sorry but around here and at this time, Walmart at the next exit is the best you can do. It's open 24/7 so it's at least something."
It wasn't the best option but they didn't have much choice. So after finishing up their food, the three of them headed to the store to buy Aaron what he needed.
"Not a lot of jackets or coats but maybe he can just double up on sweaters?" Erin threw the idea out as she rummaged through the racks.
"Sounds good." Jay turned to Aaron who looked bored out of his mind, not even remotely interested in finding clothes for himself. Jay understood how he felt. Clothes shopping definitely wasn't at the top of his list of fun things to do. "Bud, what's your favorite color?" Jay asked, holding up a couple of sweaters. He wanted Aaron to have input. After all, he'd be the one wearing the clothes.
"Don't really care," Aaron shrugged.
"I guess we'll just have to get them both," Jay decided, putting both of the red and blue sweaters in the cart. "You like green?"
The kid shook his head. "I have sweaters. You guys don't have to waste any more money on me."
Jay glanced over at Erin, seeing the look of understanding on her face. She obviously understood Aaron and how he was feeling. She had told Jay before that one of the biggest challenges she had with moving in with the Voights was to stop feeling like a burden to them. Aaron clearly felt the same.
"We're not wasting our money," Erin protested firmly. "We just want to make sure that you have everything you need." Aaron kept quiet and Erin looked to Jay, helpless.
"How about this one?" Jay held up a sweater with Iron Man on it, trying to lighten up the mood. "You like Iron Man?"
"I'm not five," Aaron grumbled. Erin covered her mouth with her finger, trying to hide her laugh.
"I like Iron Man," Jay asserted, almost petulant. "What's wrong with Iron Man? I thought he was in."
"Maybe ten years ago," Aaron retorted.
Erin gave Jay a commiserating pat on the shoulder. "Face it Jay, we're just too old to know what's cool and what's not anymore." Jay just scoffed, not ready to admit to that.
Apparently, taking a few digs in at Jay did manage to lighten up the mood because Aaron pulled off a Batman sweater from the rack.
"Batman's cool?" Jay asked, raising his eyebrows.
"It's Batman. He's a classic," Erin replied, taking the sweater from Aaron and putting it in the cart.
"She's right," Aaron defended Erin when Jay narrowed his eyes. Erin smirked.
"Fine," Jay rolled his eyes. "I can tell when I'm being outnumbered." He pulled off the same sweater in a different color and put that in the cart too. "Let's finish this shopping trip before I get too old."
Aaron smiled and shook his head in amusement before he walked off. Erin lingered behind, waiting until Aaron's attention was caught on something else.
"I think it's too late for that," Erin leaned in closer, her voice a raspy whisper. "I already see some gray hairs on that head of yours, Halstead."
His eyes lit up with a mischievous look, closing the distance even more. "You know that you're older than me by a year, right?"
Erin gave him a glare before her face broke out in a grin. "Shut up, grandpa," she muttered, walking off with the cart. Jay jogged to catch up to her, making sure to give her ass a teasing pat and a squeeze when he did.
Aaron's aunt was younger than they had been expecting. Probably just in her early thirties, if Jay had to estimate. But she seemed genuinely happy to see her nephew, pulling him into a tight hug as soon as they arrived at her front door.
"Thank you for bringing him to me," the aunt relayed to them. "I would've picked him up from Chicago myself but my beater car can't take the mileage and I don't really have extra cash laying around for a plane ticket."
"No worries. We're happy to help. I'm Erin Lindsay," she introduced herself, holding her hand out.
"Laura Jenkins."
"Jay Halstead." His polite smile faltered a bit when Laura held onto his outreached hand a little too long. Jay wasn't a cocky guy who thought of himself as god's answer to women. Confident, sure but not cocky. But he knew when a woman was attracted to him and the fact that Laura's eyes had been on him since he had stepped out of the car just made it that much more obvious.
He glanced over at Erin to see if she had noticed. Usually she was quick to pick up on these things, always taking a teasing jab at him whenever she had caught someone checking him out. But right now she was focused on Aaron only, not on the aunt.
"Thanks for bringing me here. Does that mean you're leaving now?" Aaron asked, sounding like he wasn't ready for them to leave.
"Why don't you guys come in?" Laura offered. "That way you can see the room that I had prepared for Aaron."
That was enough for Erin to accept the offer, Jay following without a word. Even though she had tried to hide it, he knew that she was worried about Aaron and leaving him in a new state and a new home. Sure, Aaron and Laura were related but there was a reason why Aaron hadn't had contact with her and why he was in the system back in Chicago. So Jay could see why Erin was a bit anxious.
He put his hand on the small of her back as they entered the small townhome. It wasn't big by any means but it seemed sufficient enough for two people to live in. Laura led them to a room that was meant for Aaron.
"I know it's pretty small," she began.
"It's great," Erin cut her off, giving her a reassuring smile. "What do you think Aaron?"
"I'll sleep on the floor if it means I'm out of Chicago," Aaron replied, going in and placing his luggage on the bed. "Thanks aunt Laura."
After helping Aaron get settled in, he and Erin started to make their exit. Laura tried to convince them to stay for lunch but Jay was eager to go. Thankfully, Erin was on the same wavelength as him.
"Thanks but we should get going. We have the long drive back and Jay has his work," Erin fibbed, knowing that he had more than enough vacation hours saved to take a whole year off if he wanted to. And Platt certainly didn't seem to care that he wasn't coming in when he called in earlier.
"Oh," Laura seemed disappointed as they headed toward the door. "Thanks again for all of your help."
Erin just gave her a small smile and turned to Aaron. "You have my number and you know you can call me if you need anything right? Anything at all, okay?" Aaron nodded before stepping forward to hug Erin.
"Thank you for everything," he said quietly. "For getting me here. I just wish Sergeant Voight could know that I'm safe now."
Erin swallowed down her emotion and pasted on a brave face. "I know that he does and that he's really happy that you're here with your aunt."
Jay stepped in to give Erin a moment to herself and to distract Aaron. "You're gonna be okay here, bud. And if you need to talk or anything at all, you know you can reach out to me too."
"Aaron why don't you go unpack and try on those sweaters?" Erin suggested and Aaron just gave both of them one last thank you hug before leaving to his room. Erin made sure that he was out of the vicinity before pulling out an envelope from her purse, Jay immediately realizing what was inside of it. "Um, this isn't a lot but it's to help take care of Aaron."
Laura took the envelope and opened it, her eyes bulging when she saw the stack of cash inside of it. "I can't take this. You've already helped us so much. I can't," she tried to give the cash back but Erin wasn't taking it.
"It's not my money," Erin clarified, pushing the envelope back to Laura. "This is from Sergeant Voight and I know he would've done the same thing I'm doing right now. He'd want the best for Aaron."
Laura started to tear up and pulled Erin into a hug. "I don't know how to thank you guys enough."
"Thank you for agreeing to take Aaron in. I hope you know what a difference you're going to make in his life," Erin replied, her voice filled with emotions. Jay stepped closer to Erin, silently offering her his support. She turned to him and gave him a small smile, letting him know that she was okay.
Both of them felt lighter walking out of the house and back into their car, like they had done everything they could to finish out Voight's last deed. Now that they knew Aaron was in a safe place with a person that loved him, it meant that Voight's death wasn't in vain.
He pulled Erin to his chest, tucking her head underneath his chin.
"You okay?" he spoke into her hair, feeling her nod in reply.
She put her arms around his waist, the two of them wrapped up in each other and not letting go despite them having to walk to the car awkwardly. "I'm good. Thank you for coming with me."
He smiled before bending down to capture her lips, his way of thanking her for letting him be here.
Jay frowned when he came out of the bathroom and saw that Erin had already fallen asleep, her hand was tucked in under the pillow and she was laying on her side. He guessed he couldn't fault her. Erin hadn't had a good sleep since yesterday and the hotel bed looked very comfortable.
They had decided to get a hotel room after they left Aaron with his aunt, knowing that Jay couldn't make another 5 hours of driving without at least a short nap. Erin offered to drive but he refused. He didn't want to pass out in the car and leave Erin alone the whole ride. And apparently he made the right decision to get a room at the first nice hotel that popped up on google search.
He undressed until he was just in his boxers and put his clothes in a neat pile on a chair before gently peeling back the blanket and getting in with Erin. He shifted until he was right next to her, spooning her from behind. He checked to see if she woke up from the movement but her eyes were closed and her breathing was even. A soft smile appeared on his face and he bent down to lay the softest of kiss on her face. Erin didn't rouse from sleep so Jay took the chance to watch her, admiring her features.
"Checking to see if I have any wrinkles?" Erin suddenly spoke, startling Jay.
"I thought you were asleep."
By all signs, Erin did look like she was still sleeping. Her eyes were still shut and she was still laying on her side, her hand still tucked under her pillow and her head on top of it. But clearly, she was awake. "Because Grandma needs her sleep?" she accused.
He snorted. "In my defense, I just said that you were a year older than me. A fact, I might add. I never called you grandma."
A grunt escaped Erin. "But you didn't refute it either." She finally opened her eyes and turned so she was facing him, a disgruntled look on her face. Jay knew she was just probably playing around but she could be such a good actor sometimes that Jay couldn't completely be sure.
"I…" he stammered, trying to think of what to say.
She narrowed her eyes. "So you do think I'm a grandma!"
Again, Jay was left scrambling before an easy grin made its way onto his face. "If you're a grandma, then I'm a grandpa." His fingers caressed Erin's back before resting on her backside. "And you got to be the hottest grandma I know." He gave her butt a squeeze. "Still firm."
She made a sound— a cross between a scoff and a chuckle— and she brought her leg over him, pulling their bodies closer. His hand remained on her butt. "Too bad you're not as firm in some places, Halstead," she whispered as her eyes traveled down his body.
"Is that a challenge?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. She just returned one of her own. "Come here and I'll show you how hard I can get." Jay pulled her onto him, accepting the challenge.
Erin laughed as she was pulled on top of him, her hair falling down like a curtain. She braced herself with a hand on his chest and Jay pulled her down to connect their lips together. Erin hummed happily, both of their hands traveling all over each other's bodies, as they made out. There was no rush and no frenzy. They didn't have anywhere to be nor cared if they did. It was just the two of them, exploring one another and enjoying the feel and taste of each other.
Jay frowned when Erin pulled away, his head automatically chasing after her. He looked at her quizzically, wondering what had stopped her. She was regarding him with a soft upward tilt of her mouth and an even softer look in her eyes. "What is it?" he asked, holding her securely to him.
Her hand was still on his chest, her thumb caressing his skin. "I just wanted to say thank you," Erin replied. "For coming with me. I don't think I could've done this alone."
"You could've done this alone." He was sure of that. To him, there was nothing that Erin couldn't take on by herself. Maybe he was biased but she was still the toughest person he knew. "But I'm glad that I was here with you. Thank you."
Now it was her turn to ask questions. "For what?"
"For letting me come with you." For opening up to him. For not feeling like she had to do everything alone. He could've said all that and more to her but instead he just held her hand that was on his chest and brought it to his lips. He knew Erin understood it all the same.
She slid off of him and laid down next to him, her head resting on her propped up elbow. "Is it weird?"
"What?"
"That even after everything that we've been through and after everything I've put you through, you're still the person I turned to. Like I was sitting there, planning this trip and all I thought about was how much I wanted you to come with me. I could've asked Kim, Trudy or even Annie but they never even crossed my mind."
Jay didn't say anything just yet. He knew just how hard it was for Erin to actually say those words out loud, especially to him. She had always been fiercely independent, to the point of frustrating him before. There was a time when they first started dating it felt like she would never turn to him for anything— always opting to "handle it" to herself. She got better about it over time but she still maintained her independence and her first instinct of always doing things by herself. Yet here she was, openly admitting to him that she needed him. Jay felt like his heart could burst, like he just got handed the biggest gift of his life. Erin's full trust.
She wet her lips, her eyes still on him. "It kinda feels like old times, doesn't it?" she asked, scrunching her nose. "The two of us going on a road trip."
Jay smiled. It did feel like old times when he and Erin would take off on a random weekend that they had off and drive to his cabin. Except there was one difference. "Except I got to drive this time."
Erin laughed. "Living in New York showed me the benefits of just going along for a ride and not having to drive. Besides, it's your car. It's only fair."
"Oh, now you're all about being fair. You know technically the 300 was both of our car yet I don't remember getting to drive it that much," he sassed back.
She squealed in surprise when he pinched her side. "Stop!" she laughed, pushing him away. "Now leave me alone and let grandma get her sleep."
"You slept the whole way here," he scoffed as Erin turned to her side again, her back to him.
"Yeah well, elder people need more sleep," she mumbled. Jay just rolled his eyes fondly at her even though she couldn't see him. He just shifted closer to her and brought his arm around her, spooning her from behind. He laid a kiss on the back of her head, smiling into her hair when she shuffled closer to him and sighed contentedly. He closed his eyes to get some sleep.
And there in a cloud of a thousand thread count sheets and endless pillows, they fell asleep, tangled up in each other.
It was dark by the time they finally got back home and Jay would be glad if he never had to drive again. The last six hours in the traffic had been hell and he was just glad that they made it back to Chicago without having to get a room at one of the sketchy motels along the freeway.
"I'm beat," Erin said, straining her neck back and forth to get rid of the stiffness. While they spent hours talking and Jay learning more about Erin's life in New York, she had eventually fallen asleep. Jay didn't have the heart to wake her as she slept, leaning against the window.
Jay paused at the doorway. "Do you want me to go?" he asked. He wasn't sure if he should stay or not. Erin needed a good night sleep in her own bed and Jay wasn't sure if his presence would be welcomed. After all, they did spend the past 24 hours trapped in a car together.
"No." She shook her head, immediately and relief filled Jay. She pulled him inside the house and closed the front door. "I'm gonna go take a shower. You can take a shower in the downstairs bathroom too. I think I might have your shirt from last time."
Jay nodded, the thought of a shower sounding too good. He headed towards the bathroom and took off his shirt. "What about dinner? You want to order pizza?" Erin didn't reply, her eyes glued on his body. "Erin."
She stopped ogling him and blushed when she realized that she had gotten caught in the act of checking him out. He smirked at her, feeling pretty good about himself. It was crazy just how much he wanted her constantly. He could be exhausted and dead on his feet like he was minutes earlier but just one heated look from her was enough to rid him of all the tiredness and rejuvenate him.
"Um..yeah. Pizza sounds good. I'll call." Erin bit her lips before scurrying off into the kitchen. Jay just chuckled to himself before going to take a shower.
Fifteen minutes and a shower later, he was feeling more refreshed and clean again. Erin was still upstairs, always taking her time showering as usual. They had many squabbles about that before they realized that they wouldn't fight for bathroom time in the morning if one of them took their showers at night. Compromise. Apparently, a relationship was all about compromises. Who knew?
The doorbell rang and Jay ran to open it.
"Pizza." The delivery boy was holding the pizzas in his hands. "That'll be $27.88."
Jay patted his jeans for his wallet but found it empty. "Yeah, give me a sec. I'll go grab my wallet." The delivery boy looked annoyed at that but Jay just ignored him, trying to think of the place he last put his wallet. He didn't remember taking it out or placing it anywhere before his shower but he couldn't find it.
"Come on man. You're not the only house I have to deliver," the delivery boy complained.
"Sorry. I'm looking for my wallet," Jay explained. He looked up the stairs to see if Erin would be coming down yet but to no avail. He heard the other guy muttering unhappily under his breath. Jay just cocked his hand on his hip, trying to think. "Oh!" he shouted when he realized where his wallet was. "One sec."
He hurried into the living room to grab his jacket and he was right. His wallet was in his jacket. He took out a couple of twenties and hurried back over. "Alright man. Got your money."
"Finally." The guy had a scowl on his face but Jay saw the moment the scowl disappeared and the boy's eyes widened in amazement. Jay knew the reason behind the sudden change as soon as the scent of Erin's body wash wafted through the air.
"Ooh, pizza's here," she exclaimed, coming down the stairs. She was oblivious to the way the pizza guy was staring at her and Jay swore the guy was about to drool. "Smells good."
"Uh-huh," Jay just murmured his agreement, taking the pizzas from the guy who was still looking at Erin. Jay felt his annoyance grow at the way the guy was openly gawking at Erin. Not only that, his attitude had seemed to vanish and suddenly the guy wasn't in such a rush anymore.
"Thanks," Erin told the guy, taking the pizzas from Jay and going back inside the house. Jay just stepped in front of the guy, covering the view of Erin, feeling his protective streaks grow.
"Here's your money. Keep the change," Jay said, trying to get the guy to leave. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," the guy replied, still distracted by Erin. "Call again anytime!" he yelled, more to Erin than to Jay.
"Bye!" Jay said, closing the door on him and joining Erin on the couch. She had a cheshire grin on her face. "What?"
"I forgot how easily you get jealous," she replied.
He glared at her. "I wasn't jealous."
"Uh-huh," she sing-songed, not believing him.
"I'm not jealous!" he insisted. "I just didn't like the guy's attitude. He nearly bit my head off when I couldn't find my wallet for like three minutes but he had all the time in the world when you came." She just smiled. "Besides, he was nearly drooling on the food, just staring at you."
"Can you blame him?" she hitched her brow, teasing him. He just rolled his eyes and tossed his head on the back of the couch. He could hear her chuckling amusedly. "He's just a teenager, Jay. Not worth working yourself up for it."
"I wasn't." He knew he sounded like a petulant kid right now. Really, he should be used to guys checking Erin out. She was obviously drop dead gorgeous but not only that, she had a certain confidence about her that was irresistible. There was just something about her that pulled people to her orbit. It was impossible not to. From the first moment he had been introduced to her, Jay gravitated towards her and with just a flash of her dimples, he was a goner. So really, he shouldn't be surprised that the kid couldn't stop checking her out. But it didn't mean he had to like it.
"You totally were," Erin argued, putting her feet up on the couch. "There's nothing wrong with that." He didn't look entirely convinced. The last thing he wanted to do was to make Erin think that he was taking whatever they were doing more seriously than she was ready to. Erin wasn't his girlfriend, he knew that. They were just enjoying being with one another, no matter how easy it was for Jay to fall into her again. She dropped her head to catch his eyes. "What? You don't think I was jealous too when Laura was checking you out?"
Jay snapped his head up and looked at Erin in surprise. "You knew?"
Jay had noticed Aaron's aunt checking him out but he didn't think Erin did. After all, she had been wrapped up with Aaron. But he was wrong.
"You mean the way she just couldn't take her eyes off of you or how she wouldn't leave your side the whole time?" Erin replied. "Or how she kept on insisting that you visit again or how she just needed your phone number for an emergency," Erin continued, putting air quotes around the word emergency.
"I didn't think you'd notice," Jay said, scratching the back of his neck. It always filled him up with giddy whenever she'd get jealous. It was only on rare occasions that Erin would display that emotion but he always found it so hot whenever she did.
"Please." She rolled her eyes. "I know more than you think, Halstead. It's my talent."
He cocked his brow. "Like what?" he challenged.
She pursed her lips and jutted her jaw out, like she was contemplating whether she wanted to say what was on her mind or not. He nudged her foot with his, telling her to spill. "I know you and Hailey were together."
His breath hitched and he sat up straighter, not expecting to hear that from Erin. "You do?" She nodded, her face blank. "How…." There were so many questions he wanted to ask, mainly how she felt about it. But the only one he managed to say was "how did you know?"
"I told you it's my talent. I just have the sixth sense of knowing who slept with who."
He huffed. "You do not." He wasn't expecting Erin to make a joke about it. "Really, how did you know?"
"Kim told me," she shrugged.
Jay licked his lips, not knowing how to feel about Kim telling Erin about his business. "When?"
Erin saw the conflicting emotions on his face and the teasing grin she had on her face fell off. She sat up and turned her body to him, the two of them on the opposite ends of the couch. "Jay, it's not like…." she searched for words. "It's not like me and Kim were gossiping about you behind your back. It was just a comment that slipped out."
Jay nodded. "And um...how did you feel when you found out?" Jay wasn't sure what answer he wanted from her. The question of whether she was jealous when she found out that he and Haiely were together was implied but Jay wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer. Because he didn't want Erin to be hurt on one hand. Then on the other, he couldn't' help but think that if she wasn't jealous, then didn't it mean that she didn't care about him any longer? Either way, it felt like a lose-lose question.
"Was I jealous?" Erin put all the cards on the table. Jay gave her a small nod, confirming the question. She took a deep breath and replied 'no, I wasn't.' Jay took a sharp inhale of breath, not knowing how to feel about her answer.
"Oh." seemed to be the only word that came out.
"It wasn't because I didn't care. I just wanted you to be happy Jay and I just thought that if she made you happy then I was happy for the both of you," Erin explained, seeing the thoughts clearly on Jay's face.
He just nodded again, seemingly lost for words. She sighed.
"We had to move on at one point, right?" Erin continued. "It's not like I expected you to be single for the rest of your life." Erin was right. As much as he hated the thought of Erin being with another man that wasn't him, he knew it was only inevitable that they'd move on and date other people. After all, it had been five years since their breakup. "Why did you guys…" Erin started but stopped herself.
"What?" he asked, wanting her to continue and ask what she wanted to ask.
Erin ran her tongue over her teeth before she soldiered on with her question. "Why did you and Hailey break up?"
He pressed his mouth together, trying to think of a simple enough explanation of just why he and Hailey didn't work together as a couple. "We tried but it just didn't work."
"Why not?"
He looked into Erin's eyes as he replied. "I just didn't love her the way she deserved," he shrugged, being completely honest. Her eyes grew larger, surprised by his blunt answer.
"You didn't love her?"
"No, I loved her," he replied. "I loved her like a partner, a friend. But not in a way that a man should be in love with a woman." And that was the honest truth. Hailey was a great person and a great partner. She was an even better friend. And for a minute, the two of them thought there was something more between them. Close proximities and a demanding work schedule had played a role in them thinking it was a good idea to take their relationship to the next level. But both of them quickly realized that just because it was convenient, it didn't mean it was right. That easy wasn't enough for a relationship.
Jay might have wanted easy at one time. He had thought about not wanting to open his heart again and open himself up to the vulnerability of a woman holding his heart in her hands— ready to crush it at her whim. But that wasn't him any longer. He didn't want easy anymore. He didn't want a relationship that only made sense on paper only but in reality, that was devoid of passion and intensity. He had tried searching and he tried dating again but couldn't find someone that made him feel those things. Not until Erin came back into his life and reminded him just how good it felt to have someone that he craved for. Someone that he couldn't get enough of. Erin could drive him crazy at times and could push his buttons like no other but the connection that they shared was unrivaled. There was no other like it.
While he knew that there was a countdown clock ticking away in the background, he didn't want to think of it too much. Not when he felt like his old self for the first time in a long while.
"What about you?" he turned the question over to her. "Did you move on?" The look on her face told him yes, that she had moved on. Jay knew it was ridiculous to think Erin had been celibate for the past five years. He also knew it was better not to know about the men she had been with during those times but as usual, he just couldn't stop himself. "How long was the longest relationship?"
She sucked in her breath before speaking. "Six months," she replied. "It was somebody I worked with too. Not my partner but someone in a different department."
Jay nodded, taking in her answer. Six months wasn't that long of a relationship, even though it was longer than his and Hailey's. But six months wasn't long enough for it to turn anything too serious. "What happened?"
Her eyes traveled to the ceiling, in thought before she turned them on him again. "You remember those slippers you got me? Like the first Christmas that we were partners?"
"You mean the one I got you because you kept on complaining that your place was too cold for your feet? The one you wouldn't take off forever?"
She chuckled, nodding. "Yeah those. Do you also remember when I lost it?"
"Yeah. I wasn't surprised. Your closet was a wonderland of its own." He ducked her hand when she tried to smack him playfully but he wasn't quick enough to dodge her foot nudging him.
"Then you tried to buy me a new pair but you couldn't find the same brand."
"Yeah, so I tried to get you a different brand," Jay continued their shared memory.
"Dozens of them."
"You kept on saying that none of them felt right even though they were all similar," Jay recalled, thinking of how Erin kept on finding faults with every other pair that he had gotten her.
"They may be similar but they just didn't feel right," Erin explained. "None of them did."
"I remember when I found the slippers in your closet when I moved in."
She smiled. "And as soon as I put that pair on, it just felt right." She gave him a meaningful look, the meaning behind the slipper anecdote loud and clear. He held her gaze, letting her know he understood what she was trying to tell him. That both of them might've tried different slippers that were similar but none of them were right except the original one. There was only one right fit.
Jay pushed himself off the couch until he was hovering over Erin, their noses grazing each other. There was a heated glint in his eyes and a suggestive smirk on his lips. "And now?" he asked, voice low and rough. "Does it feel like a perfect fit when I'm on you?"
Erin bit her lips seductively and Jay felt himself grow to life. She lifted her head up until their mouths were just a paper-thin distance apart, teasing him. "Oh yeah," she purred before connecting their lips together. "Perfect fit."
Jay smiled into the kiss before it quickly turned passionate, his hand pulling on the strings of Erin's robe before pulling it apart, ready to show Erin just how perfect of a fit they were.
It was that memory that was stuck on Jay's mind and it was getting him through another tedious day at work. They were still on a leash but he guessed it was getting better. Yesterday, they even got to help out on a case from Narcotics. Sure, they didn't get to go out on calls or saw any actions and they had to take orders from Narcotics like they were freaking patrols but it was better than the hum-drum of pushing papers. Glass half-full and all that jazz.
Footsteps were heard and all of them looked up, desperate for something to break up their day. Crowley's appearance at the top of the stairs of the bullpen quickly quell their excitement.
"Afternoon," she greeted the less than enthusiastic room.
"Are you here to take us off our leash or pile more paperwork on the pile?" Adam asked bluntly.
Crowley crossed her hands behind her back. "I came to you guys with good news." That perked everyone up. "I appreciate all of you following orders and showing me that you can be trusted not to go off the rails."
Jay pursed his mouth, trying to hold back a smartass reply at Crowley talking to them like they were children or like wild dogs.
"I know this has been a difficult time for all of you. The truth is other Commanders and I have been debating on whether to keep this unit or not. As you know, it hasn't always been smooth sailing with Intelligence but no one can deny the effect you have had on this city."
"In a good way?" Adam asked, all of them looking worried that their biggest fear might come true. That Intelligence would be dissolved.
"Yes. In a good way," Crowley confirmed. "So we've decided to let Intelligence operate as a unit but it will not be the Intelligence of the old. You will not operate as you pleased as you did when Sergeant Voight was here." She stared everyone down. "I have good faith that you all will be able to do good things here. And with that, you will be resuming regular duties by the end of the week."
Sighs of relief reverberated around the room, all of them happy and relieved that Intelligence would remain a unit and they were finally getting off of desk duty. Crowley turned her attention onto Jay and approached his desk.
"Detective Halstead, can I speak with you privately?" she asked as she went ahead to Voight's office. Jay looked at his team, confused, before he got up and followed her.
"Yeah?" he asked, his hands on his hips. He stood on his feet, readying himself for whatever Crowley was ready to throw his way. He was half expecting her to throw him off the unit. After all, she hadn't made her feelings about him potentially a loose cannon a secret nor had Jay held himself back in front of her before. Maybe he was too much like Voight and he was a threat to the new and improved Intelligence that Crowley wanted.
"As you know Sergeant Voight had his own way of overseeing this unit, one that Ivory Tower didn't always approve of." Jay nodded. "We are not going to allow this unit to run rogue any longer or take justice into their own hands. Intelligence is a great asset to the city and for it to remain that way, there has to be oversight. A person qualified to oversee it. All detectives that are in the unit must follow the orders."
Jay knew it was coming and he just braced himself to getting fired. "Yeah, I know. Look…" he was ready to defend himself but Crowley cut him off.
"That's why we've decided that you would be the perfect person to be in charge of Intelligence."
Jay stuttered. "I'm sorry. What?" he asked, thinking he heard wrong.
"Detective Halstead, we want you to be the head of Intelligence."
Yes, there will be part 3.
As always, I was so blown away by all the comments/reviews/follows. Guys, you are too awesome and it makes me happy to see that there are still many readers for Linstead. Really, it just motivates me to continue writing. Thank you.