I OWN NOTHING

Odd thing about writing a parody? I take myself seriously when I try to be stupid, and I mean it.

-0-

Returning to his average middle school in his average school uniform in his usual route, Izuku wanted his life to have any semblance of normalcy. Unfortunately, Same was the most adorable concrete shark, and some people were fond of him. Fortunately, to a degree, his neighbor hadn't noticed that her dog as well as her pet cat Kanna had become shark chow. At least, that's what Izuku's increasingly more fragile mind told him while the guilt weighted him down like three barrels harpooned to his back.

At least Same was happy by giving his summoner a ride, letting the boy ride his back like the shark was a manly if still adorable equivalent of a pony, "Kyun, kyu, kyu!"

His cooing made some adults and kids, mostly female, watch and nearly squeal at the cuteness. To Same the world was alright if his summoner was happy. Since Izuku's mother, master of patting, connoisseur of scratching spots and maker of hotdogs wanted the boy to be early and had treated the pet fish kindly, the green-haired teen's familiar wanted to make her happy. Giving his master a ride, jumping up and down a set path and avoiding crashing into anyone was the most wholesome thing anyone had ever seen in life. Although, the only one who didn't enjoy the trip was the one who brought the sea devil into his world.

On the bright side, his new wand gave him insight on his partner and helped take his mind out of what a disaster he brought into his world, "Okay, so long as there's no blood in water, or any people making out or about to have, um, intercourse, you'll be tame. Good. Good… That would have saved me a traumatic experience if I had read it when I had the chance…"

People around them stared at the childlike fantasy come to life with different reactions due to how cute Same was.

"Oh, that's a cute mole."

"Is that a dolphin Quirk?"

"Mom, can I pet the fishy?"

Izuku paid them no mind as he made his way to school with Same swimming around everyone to save his summoner and himself some time. Until the boy realized a big problem. Sweat dripped down his brow as he finally remembered he had school and summoned the killer shark just last night.

"Um, Same, do you know where my school is at?" he asked at long last.

"Kyu?" the adorable fish questioned him with a tilt of his head.

"Oh butter my buns…" Izuku paled when he returned to reality and understood he and Same were lost!

"Hey, kiddo," a woman spoke to him. "Be a dear and move your fish out of the way, okay?"

Turning to his side, Izuku saw the young blonde with a skin-tight blue and white outfit complete with blue horns adorning her eye-mask. She glared slightly at the boy and then at his shark.

"Wait, are you the new hero Mt. Lady?" Izuku asked in surprise.

"Duh, and you and your adorable baby shark are blocking the entrance of a lifetime," the woman told him, making a shooing motion with her hand. "So go on, scram."

"Wait, could you-" Izuku pleaded in vain.

"Oh, there's my cue!" the woman cheered.

Izuku turned to see a titanic villain facing none other than Kamui Woods. The pro-hero was about to end the fight after cornering his target. However, that was when the woman became an even bigger giant to dropkick the villain… and then show off her ass to the cameras. Unashamedly, she catered to the masses with her assets and winked to get more views. Many of the onlookers either took pictures or stared with less restrain than she had. Izuku could only blanch at the sight.

"Kyu…" and then he remembered he had a shark with a burning grudge against all horned up beings.

"Wait, Same, don't tell me…" Izuku gulped when Same's eyes went straight to the men ogling Mt. Lady.

'Normies…' Same growled as his eyes became slits. 'Die!'

"Oh holy shitballs with a side of biscuits…" Izuku felt his body go limp.

Meanwhile, with the heroes and a dejected Kamui Woods, the reporters made sure to keep their lenses on Mt. Lady and their eyes on the T&A department: the Top-heavy and Astronomical-booty department. During the interviews, some of the woman's new fans were going crazy. Some making the typical demands any low-breed of male would to any female who could easily use and dispose of him.

"Mt. Lady, I love you so sign my ass!"

"Babe, please stomp on me with your heels!"

"Can you make your ass the only big part and sit on me?!"

Mt. Lady gave a toothy, crooked smirk, "Simps, so good for paying the bills…"

"Turn into a giant and pee on me!" said one.

"Ew, no!" finally, the new heroine stopped smirking and had enough. "Listen, let's get this photoshoot done and-"

"Please, pee on-" the most degenerate of the new Mt. Lady fans cried… and stopped existing.

"Huh?" everyone turned to see a bloody puddle and no sign of the man. Kamui Woods himself felt an odd sense of fear, a threatening aura shaking him to his boots, "Is that…?"

"Gah!" shrieked a man who was pulled into the street with no one able to see him disappear.

"Mommy!" cried another when he was pulled into the concrete.

"Wait, I'm still a virgin!" exclaimed one of them.

"Gah, tell my wife her ass was too flat!" shouted a salaryman.

One by one, the men disappeared as each and every single one of them was pulled into the ground and left nothing but bloody smears. Mt. Lady shrieked and shook in place while Kamui Woods gulped. Far off on the other side of the street, Izuku felt all blood drain from his face as he fell flat on his butt. With quite a pathetic, desperate gasp, he rubbed his face and took a deep breath.

"I'm… going to need a therapist…"

"Kyun!"

"Bweh!"

And was immediately greeted by his enthusiastic shark familiar bumping into him the same way a semi-truck would gently tap an old lady at 90 miles per hour.

-0-

Knowing the police wouldn't help much, Izuku did what any teenager would after seeing mass-murder in a Japanese setting. Go directly to classes for the standard Japanese school drama. Pretend that everything is perfect as you study to near death with hardcore classes, strict teachers that actually discipline you and go six days of the week. If lucky, you get to enroll into extracurricular classes to demonstrate how great is your potential and also get into clubs for that chance at an elusive scholarship. Just the dream of all men and women who view school as the one chance for happiness in life. Also, never forget prom, wasting an insane amount of time prettying yourself up for a single dance with stale music and bored teachers who just watch and act as if you're on top of the world despite it being an excuse to show the school has cash.

Yeah, Izuku didn't like slice-of-life anime depicting school as the best moment of someone's existence. If anything, it was just another passing moment of life to adulthood and helped you prepare for it. Although in his world school meant getting prepared for challenges. Fun when it came to people with Quirks, but a boy like him… There was one big reason he summoned Same. Not just because real middle school wasn't like what foreigners painted it to be in cartoons, shows or movies about kids being cool and never showing the classes and studying it truly enthralled.

As for the second reason, "Deku!" Izuku yelped and turned to his former childhood friend and now tormentor and bully Katsuki Bakugo, who growled like an angry oversized Pomeranian at him, "What the fuck do you think you're doing bringing that stupid fish with you?! You think you're some hotshot because you got your Quirk all of a sudden?! Are you going to start deluding yourself that a late-bloomer like you has any chance against a future pro like me?!"

Gulping, Izuku backed against a wall, his back hitting it while he eyed the shark fin at his side, "Same's not really a, um, well… How do I explain…? He's special, and he is as close to a Quirk I'll ever get, but-"

"Stop mumbling, fuckface!" Katsuki snapped as his right palm lighted up with explosions. "You've got every damn girl wanting to pet that stupid plushy of yours! The fucking sea pest made focusing on classes which actually matter a pain in the ass because they squealed all the damn time to pet it!"

"I wish I could stop that, believe me," Izuku stopped thinking about the explosions and regretted what he unleashed in his classroom when every female student chirped in joy at the sight of his familiar, requesting to give Same lots of patting which the baby shark accepted.

"And it's been nibbling so fucking loudly!" Katsuki screamed furiously. "He never once stopped chewing on something and I couldn't take a nap during the boring classes! So get your fucking animal on a leash or I'll put you two back into the sea to be chum!"

"Kacchan, I wouldn't recommend making threats," Izuku panicked when he saw Same's fin swim around in circles around him and Katsuki. "Same's-"

Showing he really had a hair trigger, the blond snarled, "Your fucking water dildo can't do a damn thing against me! I'm the one who'll surpass All Might, after all! And you are a loser! Never forget any of that, you fucking nerd!"

Izuku tensed when he saw Same's head poke out of the concrete floor. Luckily, he and Katsuki were in an empty hallway outside the school. No one seemed to be around. Unfortunately, even if the explosive boy was the worst kind of person to associate with, the green-haired boy was too softhearted to want him to die and end up as shark excrement. Although, thinking about it, did Same poop? He had been living with the freckled boy for a while, and there weren't any droppings… Huh, he'd have to figure that out sooner or later to avoid his mother fainting should she step on-

"Shit!"

"Kyun!"

And then, Izuku's mind and world came to a screeching halt, shattered and reforged themselves. For once in his life, he'd have one memory engraved in his brain. Forever burned would be the image of none other than Katsuki Bakugo on the floor with a cute shark plushy hopping up and down on him. Same seemed to like something about the explosive boy, and it was as disturbing as it was, for any outsider, amusing to see the arrogant boy beaten by such a cute animal. However, Izuku knew what the animal could really do and such a thought made him sweat. What he saw in his familiar was unbridled joy and a twinkle in both beady black eyes which could make any seasoned sailor freeze in fear should they know the horrors which were hidden under such an adorable exterior.

"Fucking get off me you-"

Then Same licked Bakugo, "Kyu!"

"Fuuuuu-"

Same licked him again and again, not letting the explosive boy use his hands when he lapped at the sweat and rendered his Quirk useless. Katsuki's nitroglycerin-like sweat seemed to be Same's new favorite snack. For once in his life, the hotheaded boy was showing actual fear when the shark took his hand in his maw and kept on licking. Izuku's jaw would've hit the floor as he saw his former best friend cry, shriek and let out a… snicker? Yeah, Katsuki was starting to laugh from a shark sucking on his hand.

"I… I've got no words…" Izuku said with a blank expression. "Everything I've known is wrong now… What is my life coming to…?"

"Oi, Deku, you- snrk! Get this fuck- fuck, fuck, fuck! Fuck off, you damn tuna breath!" Katsuki tried to stop laughing and push off Same, but the shark's maw was glued to his hand. "I swear, if I end up with a hook for a hand like that damn pirate captain, I'm hanging you by the ass from it and then your stupid fish!"

"Same, down boy, down…" Izuku said as one would their dog. "Um, let Kacchan go, boy… Please? He's no food."

Looking at his summoner, Same shook his head without letting go of Katsuki. The result was as hilarious, stupid and karmic that it was a shame no one recorded it. The explosive boy was swung around the floor, basically sweeping it with his body while his hand remained on the shark's mouth. Izuku started to sweat nervously and tried to think of something. Literally praying to any listening figure above for a miracle, he also thought of any possible solution to stop his shark from sucking up all of Katsuki's explosive secretions. Or at least stop him from mopping the concrete with the boy's body.

Not once did he notice his wand was glowing slowly, hidden under his school jacket, so he recalled what few animal care videos he watched as a kid, "Fucking hurry up, you nerd! My arm's getting numb!"

"Um, Same, I'll get you tuna if you let him go!" he declared.

Eyes wide as saucers, Same let out the cutest coo ever as he hopped up and down and let go of Katsuki, which resulted in the spiky-haired boy being flung into a tree! Izuku couldn't believe how easily his bully was sent flying and wasn't sure whether to be thankful that he fell unconscious into a bush or cry. Maybe both. He knew that the blond would be out for blood, although Same was with him pretty much without once daring to leave his sight.

"I… fucking… hate fish…" were Katsuki's last words before a branch fell off and hit him on the face to knock him out into further unconsciousness.

"Same," Izuku started.

"Kyun?" his familiar asked, tilting his head.

"Let's go get you that tuna while I'm still alive," Izuku said with a nervous, strained smile.

"Kyun!"

-0-

Moments later, at a cheap sushi restaurant, "Oh! Em! Squee! It's sooooo cute!"

Izuku couldn't help but chuckle mirthlessly as he threw a piece of sushi at his familiar. Same flipped in the air to catch it and gulp it down. Many girls and a waitress were watching the fish outdo most trained orcas for a treat. For the boy, he was trying to plot on ways to train Same.

Although, "If I want to train Same to not give in to those urges regarding normies, I need something he'd never say no to, but what? He barely listens and he only let go of Kacchan because I promised him shark treats… Is it right to call them shark treats? He does act like a dog, although he's far more costly than one. My wallet's going to be critically hit and-"

"Deku!" Izuku froze stiff when Katsuki stormed in with leaves stuck on his head, branches dangling from his clothes and murder in his eyes. Also, a bird nest was resting on his head and he seemed none the wiser about it, "Say your fucking prayers as I turn you and that oversized fish into sushi!"

"Kacchan! You-" Izuku started until he heard tweeting. "Um… I think you're a mother now…"

"Ignore Baron von Explosion and look at me, shitface," Katsuki growled.

"You've already named the bird?!" Izuku was more shocked at the fact the blond could have parental… anything and still be threatening.

"Oi, don't forget I'm turning you extra crispy and your stupid pet into fin soup!" Katsuki snapped. "And then, I'm feeding you to my new son! He will chew you up and shit you down a-"

Everything Katsuki wanted to say was cut off abruptly by his adopted chick crying in horror, "Tweet!"

Followed by a happy, hungry Same leaping up, "Kyun!"

Not a word was said as everyone stared in petrified shock how Baron von Explosion was eaten whole in a swift bite.

But the most traumatically impacted was Katsuki, whose eyes shrank, "My… my son…"

"Same, hasty retreat!" Izuku didn't think twice to jump out the window with a loud crash and leg it like he had never done so before, ignoring the fact that Katsuki's knees met the floor.

For Same, the sight of his summoner running was the signal of a game of tag. Swimming after Izuku, the murderous plushy followed him deep into the city. Past alleyways, into darker parts of Tokyo and into an ever shadier part of town. Beyond seedy and brimming with danger, but not as bad as what the freckled boy knew his childhood bully would do. To date, he had never done anything remotely deserving of hate from Katsuki. Even a blind man could see that the explosive boy was looking for excuses to pick on him. If that's what he did unprovoked, the green-haired teen didn't want to imagine what'd happen when that anger reached a peak after the death of a pet the blond barely knew for more than thirty minutes.

It was when he paused to catch his breath that Same could tag him, "Kyun!"

"Bwah!" Izuku cried like an annoying bunny mascot upon getting squashed by the shark yet again.

"Ara, ara…" sang a woman who eyed him, dressed in a scanty red dress with her hair dyed a bright pink. "I spy quite a cutie. Don't tell me, sweetie, you're looking for a good time, aren't you?"

"Ma'am, my pet's crushing my lungs… help…" Izuku choked to the hooker.

And… he was ignored when the prostitute decided to pet Same, acting like he didn't exist, "Aw, who's a good boy? You are, yes you are! Aren't you the cutest little fish I ever did see?!"

"Kyu!" the shark sang and kept hopping in place, on top of Izuku's tenderized ribs.

"Oh, I just wanna take you home and eat you up! Unf!" the woman shuddered in pleasure from touching Same's rough skin, then licked her lips. "In fact… I might just do that!"

Lips curled upwards, then split the cheeks as the woman's jaw unhinged itself like a pedal bin's lid. From the spot where her throat was visible came out a long, undulating pink appendage with sharp needle-like fangs attached at the end. Izuku shrieked as he realized the woman had a leech-based Quirk as she sunk her tongue into Same's side to drain every drop of blood the shark had. Too bad that was like a fly trying to get nectar out of a carnivorous plant. With the speed of a bullet, the aquatic familiar's head snapped up and latched onto the woman's head, decapitating her with a sickening crunch.

"Oh my…" said a voice from a corner, a smirk forming in the shadows. "Interesting…"

-0-

Inko Midoriya was listening to her music when suddenly the radio station changed channels, "Hello, this is Fair Critique with your hosts, James Jameson and Gordon Godfrey! Tell us, our dear hosts, what do you think about our latest news of an assassin doubling as a vigilante?"

An aggressive voice erupted with a fast-paced speech filled with nothing but contempt, "Once again, what the Hell are those heroes doing with our taxpayer money?! We pay them up the ass, and for what?! Looking pretty in spandex and letting vigilantes take action because they aren't as trusted as our policemen used to be before the Quirk plague! Now everyone wants to play hero instead of being a force of good for the development of the world, like a proper engineer!"

Following the angry tirade was a more composed if equally negative voice, "I agree with Jameson on this. Just now I've heard from Katie Killjoy herself that the mysterious Leech has been found decapitated by the same vigilante thought to have been behind the deaths of those drug and organ dealers last night. If anything, the regulations for Quirks should be tighter considering how easy it is for any person with great powers given to them by random chance to just take justice into their own hands. Not to mention making those who are Quirkless dependent on them. Yes, that woman had terrorized men who believed her to be a regular worker of the night to drink their blood, but executing people is not a hero's duty."

"Exactly, and we can expect more of that from menaces like that damn-"

"Okay, enough of that," Inko pouted as she turned off the radio with a scowl. Letting out a heavy sigh, she had a bad memory hit her, "Izuku… I know you're so happy to have your Quirk at long last. I wish I had been a better mother and supported you and your dream. Now be careful, for I know you'll be a great-"

She was cut off by her door swinging open and her son dashing in, "Hey mom, I'm back! Need a bath! See ya for lunch! Hahahaha!"

"Wha- Izuku!" the woman cried, but the boy slammed the door to the bathroom shut. Letting out another sigh, she shook her head, "I guess he's bound to be excited now…"

"Kyun!" Same nudged her ankle with a happy smile.

"Oh, how's it going, Same?" Inko was fond of animals and would've gotten Izuku a pet if he asked but the boy wasn't really into that. Now that she had Same, she could really spoil someone, "Want something to eat? I've got this fish that was about to spoil, but you can have it."

Same did a flip like a dolphin, happy to eat fermented fish after his last meal almost made him want to puke. Too much makeup.

Unaware to her, Izuku was busy trying to scrub off the blood on his face, hair and hands, "Goodness gracious alive, what have I done?!" he cried as he furiously moved his hands up and down his mane of hair to get the red liquid off him, "If I turn myself in, would they- No, they wouldn't! Oh crap, I'm lucky no policemen have come after me! But what if they find out?! I was in an alley, alone and away from anyone's sight! I could be fine… I should-"

Suddenly, there was a voice, "You could do better."

Izuku froze, his mind stopping completely while his pupils shrank, "Wha… wha… wha…"

"Fufufu, you were quick to leave the scene, too quick," said a girl by the sound of it. She kept talking with a dark glee to her voice, "Although, you did the world a favor having your pet kill that murderer. I must admit, seeing you kill that wench was quite the hoot, especially when you cried and tried to pull her out of your shark's mouth by the leg even if her head was already down its gullet."

Knowing the witness was behind the curtain, Izuku looked at the plastic sheet and gulped, "Who… are you and what do you want? You're not calling the cops on me, so you-"

"Don't overanalyze this shit, nerd," the uninvited guest warned him with a snappy tone. Then, she put on a condescending attitude which would make submissive men squeal, "Although, you're just so stupid and obviously a virgin that I bet I could bully you into doing what I want."

"A-and you are…what, who, and why?" Izuku asked the girl when the curtain fluttered...

What flew out was not what he expected, even if he were to have a heavy number of narcotics embedded spine deep. Indeed, it was a girl, but she was only as big as a doll. She was positively a pernicious pixie with precious features. A schoolgirl obviously by her sailor uniform with a yellow cardigan, both of which had been tailormade to fit her tiny body. It was a set which came with a hole on the back for a pair of scaly butterfly wings that let loose a thin purple powder whenever she flew. She had nubile legs which were her more positive feature, and a positively wonderful backside, for a fairy that was. Mostly to make up for the fact she had not much flesh in her mammary glands. Black was hair worn in two exceptionally long pigtails ending in bulbous points, meaning rounded tips. A pair of feathered hairclips kept her bangs pulled back and hair from her face. Her expression was haughty and smug, even conceited to a certain level.

"My name is Egter Mothula! Know this name and know it well!" She announced proudly as she stuck her sheer cliff of a chest out.

EGTER MOTHULA

Quirk: Poison Moth - It renders her body the size of a fairy but gives her all the powers of a moth! She can fly, create poison, is much more durable than her size suggests, and can mind-control people using the dust from her wings! However, she needs to get close and can't do much if someone prevents her from flapping her wings! Also, due to her Quirk and how her poison works, she is immune to negative side-effects from any noxious substances, even smoke! All tobacco addicts envy her for it!

She stopped approaching when Izuku backed off far enough to hit the wall, "What are you doing here?!" Izuku asked, using the curtains to hide his manhood. "Also, can't I have some privacy?!"

Egter scoffed at Izuku's exclamation, even if the other teen tried to keep his voice down, "Oh, cut the theatrics, whimpering, and whipped dog look. You're too stupidly cute to just mindfuck like you're a slave."

"You're blackmailing me!" he whisper-cried.

Nonchalantly waving him off, even flicking one of her pigtails to be at ease, Egter decided to relax before talking to the teenager. The fairy reached into her blouse and pulled out a blunt, rolling it up and igniting it with a lighter sized to her form. Izuku just stared in confusion and bewilderment as he took in her full features. She calmly enjoyed the drugs despite doing so in front of a nude boy.

Noticing his stare, she asked him with a cocky smirk around her blunt, "What? Never saw a girl toke up before there, puppy? Pft, not every teenager is as goodie-goodie as this country tries to make them out to be. A lot of us regular teens can dislike how much hero-types act and think."

"You're about to get high as a kite," Izuku pointed out.

"What? Want a puff?" she asked condescendingly with a wide grin and a quirked eyebrow.

"No, that's-" Izuku's quick reply made her giggle.

"Aw, aren't you an adorable goodie-two-shoes?" she took a long drag, inhaling the smoke without a care before blowing a ring at his face.

Izuku coughed slightly and waved it off, glad that it wasn't enough to affect him, "What do you-"

"Listen, I need your help," she told him directly and bluntly, then glared. "More specifically, that shark of yours will be aiding me. See, your cute little fish is the kind of hammer I need to nail a bitch."

"You…" Izuku gulped, his pupils shrinking. "You want to… to…"

"Kill the whore?" Egter asked, taking another drag of her joint. "Not just that, boy. I want her dead and at least defiled fifty ways to Hell and back. Maimed, massacred and suffering all the way…"

"I-I can't let you do that, even if you tell the police what Same's done," Izuku argued, but didn't look too serious with his genitals covered by one layer of plastic and his hand.

Egter scowled, "What, do you want a body-job too?"

"What?!" Izuku exclaimed, but he was lucky that his mother was having fun teaching Same to roll over by feeding the shark some leftovers. "No! I mean, I- You're not using Same or me f… what are you doing?"

Smirking wider, Egter grabbed the hem of her skirt, lifting it enough so the edge bordered on revealing her panties and get Deku's face redder, "I was thinking of using sex to get you to work if you want me to. You really are a virgin. Plus, it'll be cute to see how you'll react when I use your dick as a dance pole."

"W-wait! I want my first time to be romantic, not-" Izuku's panic was ignored. For, to his horror, Egter had a plan she had already put in motion, "What… what's… why am I so… dizzy…?"

Smiling with malicious glee in her eyes, Egter's wings flapping and spreading dust, "Yeah, that works for a good teasing. Your flustered body will pump more blood and let my poison turn you into a braindead tool for me. Kukuku… I hope you know how to use that mouth for-"

"Chomp!"

"Ah!" Egter cried when her wings were trapped in Same's teeth, the shark holding her still while she tried to break free and failed miserably. "Ow, ow, owie! Leggo, let me go! It hurts!"

Izuku shook his head, his mind clearing up from the dust he inhaled, "Same, stop, boy. Please, let her go or… I won't give you any tuna."

"Kyu!" afraid at the lack of such a meal, the large fish let go of the fairy girl, who winced but didn't show any particular injury.

"Good shark," Izuku sighed in relief, nearly dropping to his knees if not for the fact he was still in the nude and in front of a girl.

"Tsk, I can't tell if I'm lucky or not…" Egter winced after thinking her wings would've been clipped off. "At least be mad at me, you stupid spinach-haired twit."

"But killing you…" Izuku argued.

"Don't get philosophical on me with your dick up," Egter dully told him with a blank expression.

"Ah!" Izuku shrieked and moved his hands down. "I'm so-so-sorry! I… It's a natural reaction and you-"

"Just take a cold shower," Egter replied coldly.

"Yeah, good idea…" Izuku sighed deeply.

Same for his part narrowed his eyes at her, not liking the idea of anyone hurting his summoner. He would have eaten the fairy whole in one big gulp, but he was worried for his master's wellbeing after seeing the poison affect him. The shark's priorities were as simple as they follow from least to most important being: Katsuki's sweat, getting head pats, Inko's belly-rubs, eating, killing normies and Izuku. He only allowed the moth girl to live since she didn't act like a regular old normie around the green-haired teen. Otherwise, a bloody splatter would've been scrubbed off the tiles.

Once he put on some fresh clothes, Izuku stared at the moth girl who sat on his desk, using a stack of his books like a bench, and glaring at the merchandise of All Might, "Actions figures, posters, and clothing. If you had his brand on your underwear as a kid, I won't be surprised."

"Those are still high-quality briefs and boxers," Izuku defended himself, then blushed when he realized his mistake. "Wait, I-"

"Like I didn't see more than your undies," she cut him off with a smug chuckle. "Enough of that, though, I do want to kill a bitch. Shanking her won't do."

"What even happened to you to make you come to us?" Izuku genuinely asked. "Can't the police help in any way or-"

"Oh, they tried," Egter replied while taking out another blunt.

Izuku paled, "How many of those do you have on you?"

"Enough," she said before lighting the stick of rolled up leaves.

"Wait, no, what do you mean the police tried?" Izuku finally recalled what the conversation should be all about. "Who is this person? Do they have ties to the force? Why do you come to me if-"

"Do you overanalyze everything?" she snidely cut him off. Blowing out a puff of smoke out her nose, the fairy recalled the events which led her to where she was, "Because, unfortunately, you're right. Little Miss Perfect's the daughter of the chief of police, and they've got good connections."

"That's…" Izuku was at a loss.

"Even worse, the bitch acts like she's above the law," Egter continued, trying not to tighten her hold on her weed and ruin it. "Not to mention she's the one who… She drove my friends to suicide."

In those words, helped by the hardened look on her face, shaking hand and teary eyes, Izuku could tell he was not played like a fiddle. As much as he had a nagging feeling he would be if he stuck too long with an unapologetic girl who acted too much like a villain, he dreamed to be a hero for a reason. Egter needed a hero, and he wanted to be one regardless of his familiar's bloody massacres.

"Mothula-san, I want to help you," he said sincerely with a hand on his chest.

"What?" the fairy asked in genuine confusion.

"Everything you've told me and your eyes tell me you need a hero," the boy started. "You're calling for a hero to help you in your time of need, and I want to be that kind of person. However, instead of killing this person, we should find ways to bring her to justice without spilling blood or-"

"On second thought, forget everything we just spoke about," Egter told him with a blank expression, then flew up. "I'll take my leave."

"Just a second, let me help!" he cried. "I mean, sure, you blackmailed me, tried to brainwash me using a strange drug, and also barged into my bathroom to see me naked, but you're a damsel in distress and I'm trying to be a hero with my Quirk, Same."

"You're shit out of luck with a Quirk like that," the moth girl remarked.

"I know…" Izuku's eyes went dead at the memories. "However, I… I've got a dream, and I-"

"Listen, you don't have to impress me," the pigtailed girl informed him with a dull tone. "I was just teasing your virginity by suggesting what I'd do to you. But if you're the kind of pervert who wants that done to you, find some girl with a size-altering Quirk to make out with your dickhole."

"Do you have to be so vulgar?!" the boy exclaimed.

"Um, Izuku, dear…" Inko's voice called out from the other side of the door rather timidly. "I know you're in that, uh, phase of yours with your hormones going haywire, but… if you're going to, ahem, what the kind of videos your dad and I- I mean, adults tend to make when they're young and impulsive and which I certainly didn't… then… I'd recommend you get tissues to not dirty the room."

"Mom, I'm…" Izuku looked at the door, then at the fairy grinning in amusement and then at his shark. A defeated expression wrinkled his face upon hanging his head, "I'm… thankful you understand…"

"Remind me, why am I siding with you?" Egter asked.

"Perhaps we can try something simple but effective to bring this woman you hate to the public's eye," a still determined Izuku suggested. "Maybe wire ourselves, get a hidden camera and-"

"Fine, you can try," Egter told him dully. "If anything, I'm confident that shark of yours will eat her."

"Trust me, I'll be a great hero," Izuku declared. "Even if I've had a rocky start, I can still try with Same at my side and become someone who can help others."

Egter glanced at him from the corner of her eye after turning her head, "Knock yourself out, then."

"Please have more faith in me," the green-haired boy asked after his ego was hit.

Scoffing, the moth girl spoke up with a bitter, tired tone, "Just so you know, you're not getting any strip-pole show from me on your-"

"What's with you and that kind of kink?" he finally asked.

"Do you have ANY idea how perverted people in this country can be?"

"Touché…"

-0-

Izuku had arrived at a café Egter told him he'd find her target. Armed with his phone set to record the events that'd transpire, he tried to figure how to approach the other girl. Pretty in the most shallow and outstanding way possible, the girl his new fairy acquaintance came to him in order to kill was the picture of a spoiled brat. Fancy makeup, expensive designer sunglasses on her forehead, dyed blonde hair done in curly drills, jeweled earrings, and leather high-heels worth a fortune. What a master of observation would note was the sweet smile on her cherubic face, practically the essence of innocence. A façade, for the curvature of her smile turning into a wicked smirk could fool no one. However, the gravitational pull of her humongous breasticles would make anyone blind to such obvious malice and draw any eyes to mammary glands quite literally as big as melons.

As she sat on the veranda and sipped from her soy latte, resting her titanic tits on the table, she thought out loud, "Hm, how to have enjoy a day as dull as this? That little bitch's face was twisted in such anger that I need more of it soon… Ah, I'm getting a little wet thinking about it."

"What the fu…" Izuku gaped, then turned to Egter who was floating at his side.

"Did I mention she is an utter cunt?" the fairy retorted. "This bimbo gets off to this and worse."

"You could have mentioned she's this twisted," he told her, then bit his thumb. "Dammit, how do we get her to confess her crimes? Is there any way to fool her into doing so?"

Their target giggled after finishing her drink and casually tossing it aside, "Better go look for someone to bully a little… Maybe that exchange student Eg-chan. Tee-hee, I've still got dirt on her stash, after all."

"Oh…" Izuku paused, then looked at his new acquaintance.

"No, I'm not planning to kill her because of my drugs," the moth girl told him. "Why would I be smoking a good weed in front of you and tell you she needs to die then?"

"Let's tackle this one problem at a time, then," Izuku muttered before pulling out his wand.

Following the blonde as discretely as possible, the two found her nearing a park where a boy was looking for something, "Chibi? Where are you, boy?"

Suddenly, with dread filling his chest with a heavy stone, Izuku turned. Like he had predicted in his mind, Same was slurping a dog's tail. Fooling himself, downright trying his darndest to deny reality, the green teen decided to ignore it and think his familiar was eating a random stray dog. Egter couldn't help the look of utter disbelief on her face, which almost matched Izuku's blank expression.

"I see your pet is lost, little one," the blonde said, patting the kid's head. "Do you need Big Sis to help?"

The child tearfully nodded, to which the girl whistled. Izuku gritted his teeth as did Egter when the blonde let out a high-pitched sound which made the kid wince. Even Same gave a grunt at the sound. Once an annoying second passed, there were several dogs around the child. All of them looked ravenous. And, to really show her true colors, the schoolgirl kicked the boy at them.

"Wh-ah!" the kid shrieked when the dogs, all of them large and angry, barked at him and bared their teeth before one took a bit out of his hand. With tears in his eyes, the child ran off, but the dogs pursued him, "Ah! Mommy! Mommy! I want my mommy!"

"Ahahahah! That was fun!" the blonde smirked cruelly and pulled out her cellphone to record what she had done. With a mirthful tune, she hummed and skipped away, "Now, who to bully next?"

"What the Hell?!" Izuku couldn't hold his breath any longer, appalled by what he saw. He was about to go help the boy, but Egter stopped him by flying in front of his face, "Move, I can't leave that kid alone!"

"Don't lose the bitch or else what he went through will be-" Egter's stern scolding was halted at the sound of whimpering.

Both teens turned and went green-faced when they saw Same in a puddle of blood and the child far off enough to not hear or see what happened. It didn't take long by the remaining body parts that the fish had eaten well.

"Kyun!" the shark chirped happily.

"Does he do this often?" Egter asked with a shudder.

"Unfortunately," Izuku sighed miserably when answering.

Egter urged him forward with a slap on the back of the head, which she had to do with her entire body to really get him to feel, "After her! Now! Now! Now!"

He didn't need to be told twice and his feet carried him forward. When Same noticed his best friend was running, he swam after him with a loud shout of innocent joy. They chased their target from behind until she disappeared past a corner.

The second Izuku turned it was the second he regretted it, "I see you."

"What?!" the green-haired teen shouted at the sound of the blonde's voice.

That girl had stayed pressed against the building and, when he ran past it, rammed a blunt object into his back, "Scrambler Bolt."

She intoned coldly as the object namely was a bottle cap. Her fingers spun rapidly and left Izuku in a heap. His body and senses were fried as the bottle cap popped off his spine like a whizzing buzzsaw, Egter dodging it as the coldly smirking girl noticed her first.

The blonde spoke a sickly-sweet tone, her voice dripping with molasses-filled malice, "Oh, Egter-chan. I should have known~! You're still the same as always, just so petty because I 'asked' nicely about getting first dibs at your stuff. And if you didn't do it, I'd tell the authorities about you and your friends. They wouldn't last long in prison, huh?"

Egter remained silent, the only sound she made was the clenching of her fists. Izuku overhearing this had a stunned expression on his face, to which the girl laughed like a twisted arrogant princess.

"Ohohoho~! Of course, she lied to you, boy! It was always about her drugs, or at least the fact she didn't want her friends to go to jail. Eg-chan is a fun person to bully and mess with! She's just so wicked and mean, if I didn't do this to show her who is top dog… I'd be so saaad~"

Everything about this girl was revolting, from the way her face twisted up into an expression of slackened pleasure to the way her voice was warped with disgusting sadism. She noticed Izuku watching her and how he was still paralyzed and laughed sickeningly.

"You like my Quirk? It's called Screwdriver! By the way, before I break you dead, I might as well reveal to you my name. It's Doraibā Saiko!"

She showed him her fingers which were rotating so fast they made an audible hum, this coincidentally left Same in a great deal of pain. Rolling around the adorable shark seemed to be crying in agony, which the girl noticed and laughed at.

"Same!" Izuku cried.

Saiko cooed at the pain she "Oh, I love doing this to fish… They squirm so nicely."

DORAIBĀ SAIKO!

Quirk: Screwdriver - it allows her to spin all her fingers and anything they hold at hypersonic speeds! The rate at which they spin can create sonic waves to disrupt heroes with particularly good hearing! It can also serve as a dog whistle and summon animals, although Saiko herself cannot control them! She must stop every few seconds to let them rest though, or she will break her fingers right off!

"You…you're a horrible person." Izuku said as he watched her laughing at his misery and pain, his hand clenching over the wand in his head while she noticed him slowly regain the power to speak. Egter was still silent as he continued talking, "Mothula-san… She's most definitely not a good person. She wanted me and Same to kill you. Maybe she's a drug addict and a lecherous girl… but I want to believe somewhere in her, there's a good person."

Egter froze when he had said that. He was sincere in that belief and despite being cynical, jaded, and malicious.

The pixie girl swallowed and whispered to herself, "Idiot… you don't even know me…"

Saiko looked down at him in utter distaste and condescendingly spun her other hand around as she took out a shank from within her uniform, "Ugh. You're a hero track type. I don't want to hear this spiel, you'll talk me to death and act like you're sooooo above me because you believe in people."

"You've got a great Quirk, so why use it for this?" Izuku questioned her through gritted teeth.

"Oh, I don't want to be a hero," the girl widened her smirk. "All I want, all I need, is to have daddy and my future hubby to give me a nice life. Hell, I can even get away with anything because of being a civilian. At least one with connections."

"Bitch…" Egter growled.

"Oh, does it matter?" Saiko asked amusedly. "I'll keep my Quirk to myself, have some fun on the side and do whatever the fuck I feel like. After all, I was born lucky."

"Just because that's true doesn't make it right!" Izuku shouted, to which Saiko just rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend and get high from Eg-chan's supply after this. So just die, kay? My Quirk needs to be a secret if I want to enjoy the life of a princess."

"Ah!" Egter trembled frozen in fear when the blonde approached the fairy, her eyes shaking while Saiko licked her lips evilly.

"It's not like I haven't killed people before, it's more fun to torture them, though."

That was the fatal mistake she had made, as Same's wriggling ended when he heard what she said. Izuku realizing this, and in a desperate situation with no way out, plus a surprisingly concerned looking Egter, saw his chance.

"No… I do not believe in just everyone. I am not that naïve. But all the same, I will make sure to save her and everyone else from wicked people like you. Same!"

Saiko had been too preoccupied with getting ready to kill him, long enough for Izuku to shout with all his heart, his wand glowing and sending a surge of energy to the writhing shark.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORMIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'

Same's eyes slit down to small points. Growing to full size, something new happened as he looked down on Saiko. His head split apart, two heads mutating and growing out next to his own, each snapping furious a maw dripping with water and blood. This bitch was a fucking normie. She had hurt him. She planned to kill his master. She had wanted to hurt Egter-chan. And worst of all, she had hurt his best friend!

"What the shit?!" Saiko gasped before pointing her fingers at the shark.

'YOU'RE GOING TO DIE SHE-BITCH!'

Blasting out of the ground, each of his three heads snapped at Saiko who was forced to leap back in shock. Her fingers spun even faster with the sonic hum growing into a fever pitch, so loud and so blaring it forced Egter to scream and fly into Izuku. She had to cover her ears while he did the same for his own.

However, Same wasn't the least bit affected as he smirked at the blonde, whose face was one of utter fear, "Why won't you just like, die already!? Your Shark Quirk is freaky!"

She accused the boy while trying to fight against Same. She scored several slices over his skin as he charged past her, each head gnashing to try and rip her apart. And then, things got weirder.

"Is that a…" Egter asked when the loud sound suddenly stopped.

Izuku gaped, "…a tentacle?"

Saiko shrieked when two octopus limbs coiled around her wrists, bringing her up, "Eeek! What the fuck?!"

Same's regular tail had morphed into the eight long tentacles which possessed sharp black tips capable of piercing steel. Izuku couldn't believe what happened, but then recalled some of the movies he and Hisashi Midoriya tended to watch together. Stupid ideas of fusing sharks with other animals or even making them have some ridiculous ability. If Same was magical, then…

"He's a wild card," Izuku swallowed some spit from the awe and terror. "Same's capable of morphing and adapting to anything, even to the point of growing extra heads to endure the soundwaves which would harm any regular shark. He's the pinnacle of evolution, nay, he's the apex predator!"

"Oh, he is?" Egter had quite the evil grin on her face, a dark glint in her eyes as Saiko shivered and cried, prompting the fairy to sing. "The sniveling little bitch has finally learned her place~ She's now chum, chum, chum and out of luck~ Shark, shark, shark, no bark, but one helluva bite~"

Izuku covered his eyes when Same used two tentacles to grab the girl's legs… and poked through his fingers when the tendrils prompted to rip the limbs off! He had to cover his mouth instinctively when he saw the muscle tissue tear apart. Flesh was turned to shreds, but a large smirk on Same's face said he wasn't done. As Saiko cried out loud, her lungs threatening to give out from the screaming while tears ran down her face, one of the shark's heads chomped on her right side. A second head bite into her left. And the third grabbed her head. With a brutal yank, all three maws split her to pieces which they gulped down, complete with the legs like they were tiny chicken wings.

As Izuku ran to the nearest trash can to puke, Egter giggled when two balls of silicon landed in front of her, "Hah, I knew those tits were fake. Not bad, fishy."

Like nothing had happened, Same shrank down and cooed cutely, letting Egter pet his head, "Kyun!"

"Oof, not again…" Izuku panted as he wiped his mouth with a handkerchief.

"I think we're even, though," Egter told him with a smirk, twirling one of her pigtails with a finger. "I'm a whole better with one bitch less in this world, and your shark's secret can be safe."

"Truth be told, I hoped Same wouldn't have killed that woman," Izuku said, then fretted. "Am I now… a vigilante? Oh God no… I know you're going to keep your word, Mothula-san, but… Can I really call myself a hero after being the cause of so much murder?"

"You saved me, didn't you?" Egter said, then stretched her arms over her head. "Good enough… You've at least helped someone from a villain, so that does make you a hero."

"I…" Izuku stopped thinking at those words.

"Do you need the validation that much?" Egter asked with her hands on her hips. Groaning, she spoke up, "You were a hero. You protected me, stopped a bitch from doing any more harm to others and even gave a ridiculously cheesy speech. With this shark at your side, you can… you WILL be a hero."

"Moth… Mothulan-san…" Izuku dropped to his knees.

"Oi, what is it?!" she panicked, thinking he was sick.

Until Izuku's eyes burst out like geysers from the tears flooding out, "I'm… I always wanted someone to tell me that with a straight face! And if it's you, someone so cynical, than it must be true! I'm… I… I'm so happy!"

"Come on, s-stop crying so much! It's creepy!" Egter shrieked as the tears were enough to actually bathe a happy Same, who rolled around on the floor to bask in his master's tears.

Needless to say, a strange brand of heroism had been born.

-TBC-

And that's my rap!

I had fun with this chapter. And yes, Egter is here. She's from the Killer Shark in Another World manga in case some of you don't know, and she's a massive bitch. I mean it, she's as bad if not even worse than the version I depict here to make the poison moth fairy into an MHA character… and I love her.

Maybe it'll come as a surprise to some of you, but I tend to actually gravitate toward girls who are willingly evil and petty in stories. Girls and women who are designed to be hated but end up enjoyable. Egter is an odd case as she's designed to be the polar opposite of someone like Izuku (junkie, cynical, etc.) but she's still written in a way I enjoy her despite some of the actions she commits.

Also, yes, do expect her to dominate Izuku… Can I seriously ask why aren't there pairings with a girl who is pinning Izuku down and telling him to prepare himself for Snu Snu? Come on, people, this shit just writes itself when you think how meek he is! People have done so for yaoi stories, so make it a girl who is taking all of Izuku's virginities in the roughest way possible! If you know what I mean.

No, not like Himiko, she's a yandere. I prefer the less stabby-bloody type of femdom.

Swordslinger out!