The first game without Bryce was a disaster. 1-6. After the game and Coach Donnelly's talk about some enlarged heart, I met Rafe at the locker room.
"I'm very concerned about this enlarged heart we have." Rafe said, expecting a laugh.
"Me too," I held the locker room door open to let the aroma of testosterone out. We then entered the faux-sauna. "We can probably fix it by trying less and relaxing more." I began to giggle.
"Yes, we should send that in to the medical journals. We'll be saving lives."
Steve, in the shower room was noticeably drained after the game. There wasn't any cheering for Rafe or anyone else anymore, and neither was there arguing. But then, Steve and Zack began to exchange laughter, finally lighting up everyone's mood. Steve then asked Zack about Melody, a Joey Warren girl; and Robinson about some girl. I noticed Rafe staring at Robinson as the conversation continued.
Something was up.
The conversation continued. They talked about the girl Rafe threw up on, Amber. Then, I heard it.
Claire Olivia. Rafe was straight. My heart began to twist, confused about our night before. He looked at me, then went back to the shower, while I continued to stare at him.
This doesn't make any sense, I thought. I'll have to ask him later.
"Man, you must miss that shit. Why'd you leave?" Steve asked, probably the first sensible question he had asked for a very long time.
"Good college." Rafe replied. I knew something was up. He was a terrible liar. I rolled my eye, and he noticed. After a bit, he smiled at me. Maybe he knew I didn't believe it? Gay guys have the short end of the stick in Natick. Especially when you're an athlete, and when you hang out with a bunch of big sweaty guys, you're bound to be bullied as a gay dude. I had to ask, but not in the shower.
After the conversation in the shower, I just kept the thoughts to myself. I began to realized that I wasn't just straight. Bryce proved that to me, making me feel very strange feelings to him. But neither was I gay. Cindy, my ex-girlfriend, who only broke up after I had left Alton for Natick, proved that to me. Maybe I was bi? Maybe. Perchance. The final realization was that there has always a been couple of sophomores and seniors, maybe even some juniors that looked good to me. They were just handsome, I thought. I'd stare at them, looking at my partners or other boys, and I'd see them not bothering my target.
I'm bi. That's it. I'm bisexual. All my life, I'd thought that everyone was a little not-straight, and everyone had a slight attraction to boys, but this was the first time that I knew I was attracted to boys. And I was attracted to girls, as well. Ben the Bisexual. Weird.
Then, something had hit me. I couldn't let anyone know. The team would destroy me, and my parents would probably kick me out, just like they did to Uncle Max, who was also bi. I began to frown, while still not letting anyone notice.
The next time I had some real time with Rafe was a week before Parent's Weekend.
"So, are you up for something insanely stupid?" Rafe said as I opened the door for him. I blankly stared at him, wiping my eyes, while he looked down at my legs. I was wearing my tight sleeping shorts, so that was probably it.
"So, something stupid. You game?" He looked up at me, expecting an answer.
"Wow, that's quite an offer." I replied. "I'm guessing this isn't a two-person outing?"
He chuckled a bit, "Did the 'insanely stupid' part give it away?"
"Yep."
"I actually have no clue what this outing is. I just have a strong sense that it'll be odd, since it's a Toby-and-Albie production."
After I cleaned myself up, we headed out to the parking lot. Rafe and I wore some casual shirts and pants while Toby wore some skinny jeans and a hoodie, while Albie wore his usual camo pants with huge pockets. Rafe asked Albie about the pockets, and Albie explained to him to be 'always prepared for the unforeseen'.
As we headed to the Sleepy, we passed by Steve.
"Hey, guys." He greeted us.
"Hey." I replied, while Rafe raised two fingers above his eyebrows, saluting.
We continued on, and Rafe began to talk about Steve. "You know, the way Steve and all of them are so nice, there's something menacing about it."
"Nice? When is Steven Nickelson nice?!" Toby asked, with Albie nodding in agreement.
"He's almost always nice."
"Yeah, if you're on the inside." Albie said, rolling his eyes. "Otherwise, he's a flaming prick. And not in a good way." He continued, looking at Toby.
"Thanks for clarifying."
"But wasn't Steve nice to you after the guy…" Rafe stopped in the middle of his sentence. I knew what he was talking about, a few months ago, before Rafe arrived in Natick, Steve had begun to hang out with Toby, the openly gay guy in school, after a gay speaker had talked about it. Rafe felt a tinge of nervousness, and that had probably confirmed it for me. Rafe isn't straight.
"Yeah, for like a week after the football guy spoke," Toby picked up the conversation, "he was all over me. I was like his pet. Like, oooh, how cute! A homosexual of our very own. And after that, he was, like gone. I've never talked to him since, and he even ignores me in the hallways if I said 'hi'."
So, after we got into Sleepy, just like that night with Toby on shotgun and Rafe besides me on the back, we went out of the lot to Green Street.
"Gimme a hint, does this trip have anything to do with the apocalypse?" Rafe asked. The two guys in from looked at each other, with Albie agreeing.
"Oh, good, sorry in advance, Ben." Rafe said, patting my shoulder.
"Hey, I'm here on my own volition."
The car went back into silence, I glanced at Rafe, and he seemed to be thinking about something. I was going to ask the question when Albie turned to the right and pulled into a place called Dowse Orchards, the local apple orchard.
"Well." Rafe said, "I wasn't expecting this."
We got out of the car, looking at the sign and farm stand, where a lady was selling some apple cider. "Me neither." I replied later.
"Well, if the world was going to end, an apple orchard would be a reasonable place to camp out. Food, shelter of the big trees."
"Ah," Rafe said with a tinge of sarcasm. "Of course."
Albie broke into a smile. "I didn't say it was the bestplace to be in the apocalypse, but it's close."
Toby led the way to the farmer's stand. "Hi, my name is Bailey Hutchinson, and I am an apple enthusiast." Rafe started to exhale with glee, hiding his laugh. The woman on the stand smiled, staring at four of us, me behind them like an older brother, even though we all were the same age.
We got a picking pole and four buckets from the nice lady, who told us to behave.
"I promise, I'll keep an eye on them, or my name isn't Baily Hutchinson." Toby said. We each grabbed a bucket and headed into the orchard. The aromatic smell of apples reminded me of the smell of the farm, it felt great. We stepped on beneath the canopy under the shade, exploring the forest of apples.
"What possible trouble could people get into at an apple orchard?" Rafe asked, and Albie replied: "Haven't you heard of apple gangs?" I chuckled at the notion of an apple gang.
"Absolutely. There are drive-by apple throwings. It's a dangerous world."
"Not to mention when rival gangs wear the wrong colors. Like if the Golden Deliciouses wear red, or the Honeycrisps wear green." Toby continued on.
"I wonder what they'd call an apple orchard gang?" Rafe added in. "The McDaddies? Like MacIntosh? That's not bad."
"Eh, you don't like the Golden Deliciouses?" Toby asked back.
"Would you be offended if I said that really sounded gay? Albie replied.
"I'd take it as a compliment." I burst into a laugh, and so did Rafe.
"Are we forming an apple gang now?" I asked with a stupid grin.
"Sure!" Toby said, as we were reaching a clearing with a bunch of picnic tables. The area had signs all over, showing which type of apples are there to harvest and where to find them. The trees were also grouped together.
"The Apple Dumpling Gang?" I said, thinking of my mom's Czech Dumpling, and referencing to some old show about apples.
"What the hell is the Apple Dumpling Gang?" Albie said, looking at me.
"It does sound kinda familiar." Rafe said, agreeing with my suggestion.
"It's perfect!" Toby said as he giggled. "Scary but not too scary, cartoonish but not too cartoonish and so on." He then struck a pose like Gordon Ramsay in Hell's Kitchen. "The Apple Dumpling Gang."
"Yeah, but what does our gang do?" I asked.
"We maintain order among the different apple breeds." Toby said, in a cartoonish British accent. "We make sure the Jonathon's and the McIntoshes don't get into it. And of course, we defend our land. This, friends, is our land!" We all chuckled at Toby, as we walked towards the Jonathan Apples group of trees.
"I want the pole." Rafe demanded.
"I figured Toby would say that." Albie said, slightly annoying Toby. I noticed Rafe went scarlet red on his face. Yes. Liar, liar, face on fire.
"Come on, be nice." I said, glancing at Rafe's flustered look.
"Oh please, you should hear what he says to me." Albie said.
"It's true," Toby continued, again, turning from where he was standing guard, probably defending our land. "I'm horrible to him, and he deserves it." He smiled, then giggled.
"You guys are like an old married couple. Are you sure you're not gay, Albie?" Rafe asked, giggling as well.
"If only" Albie put his arm around Toby's neck, "Wouldn't this be a nice trophy wife or husband or whatever? The only problem is that I find boys as attractive as I find chipmunks."
"Yes, if you don't dig chipmunks, that's a problem." Rafe jokingly said, glancing at my grin from all the jokes. He turned back, and I thought, does he know? Does he know that I know?
As we separated into two groups, Rafe and I went to pick apples, which wasn't as entertaining as Albie and Toby's shenanigans, it was quite fun. We took the pole, and picked the apples high up the trees to let them fall into a cage thing attached to the pole.
"I've never had a gay friend before." I blurted out, not sure if he'd respond correctly.
"Yeah." His voice strained a bit. "I mean, I have. But it's the same. People are people." I'm talking about you, dumbass!
"People are, people are." I looked up to the canopy, and Rafe cracked up. After a while, we rendezvoused with Albie and Toby full of Jonathan apples, while the other two were filling their buckets with all kinds of apples.
"Nice job defending our land." Rafe said.
"Thanks." Toby answered.
Just then, an old lady wandered by us, and she smiled at us. I smiled back, and the others probably did. Then, Toby stepped forward, crossing his skinny arms again, and tried to look like a bouncer. The woman looked at him blankly, before walking away, shaking her head.
That REALLY made me laugh. Like that plastic screwdriver night. My stomach began to hurt, but I just kept laughing, holding my midsection while howling out laughter. I guess that's why they call it a belly laugh. I then heard the others laugh, which made me laugh even more. I slightly felt sorry for the old lady, but I was just too happy to care.
"Stop!" Toby said, still recovering from the laugh, going back into his fake accent. "You're killing our rep as apple gangers. We're the toughest in this orchard, and you can't show weakness."
Albie went back to laughing, and Toby picked up an apple, throwing it and hitting Albie's arm.
"Hey!" he yelled. He then picked up the same apple, and Toby started to run. Albie chucked it as far as it could, but it failed to reach Toby. Then, I stepped in.
"You need someone with an arm." I picked up an apple and threw it high, almost above the trees, before it landed on Toby, who was about a hundred feet away. He fell over, which made us die from laughter. Rafe quickly took a bucket and darted to Toby, while I went and picked up another, going to Toby's side. Apples began to fly as the Apple Dumpling gang split in two like it was 1860. As the fight went on, Rafe managed to throw one onto my shin, which REALLY hurt.
"Shit!" I shouted out, after another one had hit my back as I was recovering from the hit. Even though it did hurt a lot, we continued on because of our horrible aim.
"Boys! Excuse me! Boys! Boys!" the old woman yelled, appearing out of nowhere. "Stop this right now! You all will pay for these apples, you know, Are you all crazy?!"
"We're sorry, ma'am." Toby said. "We apologize. There was a gang war."
We all held our mouths shut while we giggled silently. It had cost us twenty-one bucks to pay for the apple wars, and we wanted to take some home, but the lady had confiscated them, leaving us with nothing. We left empty handed, and Rafe was red from shame, but it was probably the most fun I'd have in Natick, and probably in my whole life.
Back in the car, Albie took out a red apple.
"How'd you do that?"
"Oh, I have four of them." Albie replied, patting his huge pockets. Next time you won't laugh when I tell you to watch Survival Planet."
ONE WEEK LATER
After the whole apple charade, I had begun to spend more time with Rafe, studying with him and making fun of Coach Donelly's stupid misinformed historical anecdotes. This had only cemented my crush over Rafe. Sweet, sweet Rafe, if only you just told me, liar.
It was Friday night, and Rafe had invited me to eat with his parents. I couldn't be more excited.
"So, tell me about you, Ben." Mrs. Goldberg asked me, "Rafe never told us anything about you. Before this dinner, I'd picture you as a leprechaun."
I looked at Rafe, and suddenly knew that it was just plain old humor. "Well, I used to be a leprechaun. My parents are, actually, but I decided to change." TAKE THE HINT! "You know the saying: A leopard can't change his spots, but a leprechaun can."
Mrs. Goldberg cackled, like how'd I imagine his mom would. Rafe glowed red and looked around. He had already apologized and explained to me about his parents and the food. It wasn't as terrible as Rafe told it to be, but since he was a rich kid, I didn't say anything.
"And you're from New Hampshire?" Mr. Goldberg asked me.
"Yessir." I answered.
"Live free or die."
"I didn't realize how far Natick was from Boston." Mrs. Goldberg said, apologizing to her son.
"I hadn't even been to Boston before tonight." Rafe replied.
"It's pretty much special occasions only." I chimed in and said, "Last year, I went in like twice. Beacon Street was pretty cool."
"We've been. Gavin and I, after we graduated from Oberlin. We lived in Somerville for two years. They were wonderful years, too!"
Rafe sput out a rude comment, when I quickly defended his parents.
"You have no idea how much cooler they are from mine." I said. The food wasn't as good as real meat, but it was good. As we ate, Rafe's parents continued to interview me. Rafe would look at me with a slightly confused and frustrated look, but I didn't mind the questions.
After a while, my plan was up. Ask them about Claire Olivia.
"So, what's this Claire Olivia like? I wanna know about this girlfriend of Rafe's." I struggled to contain a smirk, looking at Rafe's parents subtly panicking while I munched on some vegan pie.
"She's artsy… unique?" Mrs. Goldberg answered with a questioning tone.
"Alternative." Mr. Goldberg came in.
"They were inseparable since they were twelve. You know, sleepovers and such."
I answered with my experiences about Cindy. Shit, he knew I'd asked that. Plan failed.
"We broke up." I choked on a bit of pie. "It was just too hard, long distance and all that."
The awkward conversation began, and the parent-son talk was interrupted with Rafe's dad changing the topic.
"This is interesting." I said, finishing up some weird cookies that tasted like fruit.
Mrs. Goldberg told me about Colorado's sustainability, and how the world is catching up.
"That's cool." I said with only one ear listening. "Would love to see Boulder." TAKE THE HINT.
"You're welcome to come any time." Mrs. Goldberg replied with a smile.
After the meal, we went for a drive through Boston. And after I requested a bathroom break, which took place in a disgust Ben and Jerry's, I saw Mr. Goldberg crying. I told you, Liar. I resisted a reaction, and returned to my seat. We eventually returned to Natick, and tomorrow morning was going to be him with my parents.
When the morning came, we ate and hung out at Natick. My dad was quiet, and so was my mom, and we never really spoke of Rafe.
"Well, looks like it's gonna snow." My dad led the conversation.
"Yeah. It's pretty cold. Make sure you suit up, Benny." My mom continued.
The conversation didn't really go anywhere after that. We all left the dorm, Rafe headed to his parents and I took mine to see the teachers.
Halfway through the meet parent-teacher meetup, Steve and the others had started a touch football game. I had some fun, not as much as the apple orchard, but at least the gang and I hadn't been distant. The event had ended quickly, and after a minor goodbye, my parents headed back to New Hampshire, while I got back to my dorms for a little nap, which followed with a reading session of Immanuel Kant.