Disclaimer: I incorporated some minor dialogue from Chapter 139 in this chapter, so read at own caution. I also incorporated some translated lyrics from Eight into this chapter, so all rights go to IU and her music agency.

The three of them accepted job offers halfway through senior year. Armin and Mikasa were going to work at Sina full-time in September in the state. Eren finally got an investment banking offer in Titan at the New York office. Initially, Mikasa wondered if the job was really the best path for Eren, but as the trio celebrated with one another, there was a sense of normalcy again and she sighed in relief internally. They'd be ok. Eren was just previously discovering his path and they could go back to the way things were before.

It was during that reprieve that Mikasa got hit with the full realization that they wouldn't be working together in the same city. Long distance would be difficult; however, Mikasa knew for certain that she would be by his side and support his career, just as much as Eren would do the same for her. She recognized that passion and determination were the very core of his personality: he may not have been the smartest person naturally, but he worked hard. As a result, Eren gained the respect and appreciation of many people. Mikasa thought these were some of the most endearing parts of his personality and thought they would make things work, despite the physical separation.

But then the two finally had some time together alone as they sat in the bench in the courtyard after classes ended one day, and he told her in a very measured tone that they might need to break up when they started their jobs.

At that, she froze and then deliberately studied Eren's face, afraid to see if he was genuinely serious. When she saw nothing change in his appearance, her expression morphed into one of hurt and confusion. Mikasa twisted her upper body, trying to keep her voice steady as she said to him, "We can make it work though."

Eren also turned to her with a solemn face and responded, "Mikasa, investment bankers don't have any work-life balance. You've seen how hectic it was this past year. I won't even have the time to video-call you, let alone visit home, my first few years because I'll be working at least 90 hours a week in the office. I've seen the junior analysts at Titan get slammed with additional work at 1 in the morning; our relationship won't last."

Mikasa slid closer to him on the bench. She reached out to gently grab one hand on his lap and brought her other hand to his cheek to stroke the smooth skin underneath. Peering into his tired eyes, she just said unwaveringly, "I will support you, no matter what. You may be busy, but I will be also if I'm in consulting. I could transfer to New York after a year too. As long as we have one another, it'll be OK."

"Mikasa…" Eren said her name in such a low upset voice, and her chest constricted in panic and discomfort. "You're too special to me for this kind of relationship. This —"

"Please. You are my family. We can make it work," she reiterated, pleading him with her eyes. The desperation leaked through in her voice and Mikasa hoped Eren would understand that it would be OK, no matter what their goals and ambitions were. She knew with every fiber of her being that they could get through their careers together. They had a bond that went deeper than any other couples she knew. That linkage helped them understand and empathize with one another. It would be hard, but the two could do it. If they were able to get through this past year when he was that stressed and busy, then they could continue to manage their relationship when he started his job. They were each other's strength through the good and bad times previously; why couldn't they continue to be so?

Eren closed his eyes and contorted his face in a grimace. He tried to turn his head away, but she prevented him from doing so firmly yet lightly. She could feel his body vibrate in unease underneath her touch. Both her palms came up to caress his face, letting Mikasa observe the lines scrunching on his face and the circles underneath his eyes. The corners of his mouth drooped down, and her palms could feel how tightly his jaw was gritted. Eren looked so tired and defeated that, for a second, Mikasa was honestly at a loss for how to soothe him.

How long had he been thinking about having this conversation?

Mikasa pushed that question out of her mind and just stroked her thumbs across his cheekbones, hoping it would placate his stress. She then kissed his eyes, nose, the wrinkles between his brows, cheeks and finally his warm lips. When she pulled away, she leaned her forehead against his, their noses brushing lightly. Mikasa took in a deep breath and murmured, "We don't need to separate. We promised to stand by one another's side; it'll be tough, but we can do it and it'll be worth it."

Eren hesitantly covered her hands with his own. His eyes were still rigidly closed, but the lines on his face relaxed a bit and soon his shoulders did also. The tension eventually left his body as Eren heaved a large sigh. He gradually opened his eyes to gaze into hers and she almost cried in happiness when she saw acceptance in them. Eren gave a slight nod, so Mikasa then continued holding his face and whispering reassurances to him — all while mentally telling herself that they would be OK.

Almost 2 months pass since that incident in the upper garden patio. Negotiations for the merger are wrapping up and it seems like a certain amount of people in marketing will be laid off.

Mikasa takes the news in a disassociated fashion and just proceeds to do her work. If the time comes, then it'll come. She'll find another job if need be.

Armin, on the other hand, was more worried for her. He remembered how quick the decision was when accepting her current job 5 years ago. Initially, Armin was concerned that she wasn't giving herself the means to heal. But then he saw how the position gave her the release she needed as the years went by and how the switch led her to find something else she liked. On one hand, he was glad that MP&G helped her in the aftermath of that breakup.

On the other, he thought back to their time in undergraduate and remembered how excellent Mikasa was in all the case competitions they participated in. Armin also recalled how much their superiors at Sina were impressed with the young girl during internships. He knew how much she loved the field and had a small inkling that if given the opportunity, she'd still stand out in the profession. Armin tentatively mentioned a recent opening at Sina in another team — in case she wanted to go back if the merger forced her to leave — but Mikasa bluntly remarked, "As if they'd take me back after I rescinded my acceptance 5 years ago."

While he's pondering over these notions on the garden patio during the afternoon, Eren comes through the doors. Armin sees Eren from the corner of his blue eyes and immediately has the fervent desire to punch him again. Instead, he just squeezes his fists and puts his back to the man, intent on ignoring him.

Eren strolls up to Armin, rests his arms on the balcony and simply drawls, "Didn't know you could throw a punch like that. If you learned when we were younger, I wouldn't have needed to fight your battles."

Armin gives him a side-scowl and scoffs.

A lull falls over the two as they stand by the balcony, observing the streets and listening to the city bustle below them. People are either strolling through the crowds with a co-worker or friend, talking on the phone, or getting an afternoon coffee/late lunch. But all are restless individuals in this business district trying to get to their next location. Armin relives the hours they spent pouring over case competitions, the hours of interview prep, the amount of networking events, and all the studying they did in their four years to get to the position they are at now. He looks at the people in the streets and recognizes that all of them most likely went through the same thing: hours of dedication and effort put into their careers. And even now when they have reached the first point in their careers, these individuals are still trying to strive for something higher and higher to achieve.

But for what?

And at what cost?

"Eren… was it worth it?"

"Who knows… But it certainly feels right," Eren answers casually, not glancing at the shorter man.

Armin's nails dig further into his balled-up fists. He snaps his head to Eren angrily, "Are you happy that you gave your friends up? That you gave Mikasa up?"

Eren doesn't say anything. If Armin didn't know him so well, he would've missed the subtle tightening of his shoulders when he mentioned Mikasa.

"You still care about her… so why did you say those things?"

The other man remains mute and fixed on surveying the streets and scenery.

Red flashes in Armin's vision. His scowl deepens and Armin says in an icy voice, "You never deserved her."

Eren's head turns to him slowly at that comment. Armin catches the look in the man's eyes and sees cracks of anger coming through his usual indifferent demeanor. The corners of Eren's mouth are setting into a hard line. The taller man then asks quietly in a dark voice, "What did you just say?"

Armin is beyond furious right now and twists his body to completely face his former best friend. He doesn't even bother controlling himself as he starts shouting, "Mikasa has always loved you. We knew you loved her back. We also knew she became too good for you because she constantly was by your side senior year. None of knew what happened with you, but she still supported you, even when you started treating us all differently. She finally moved on and then you have the audacity to tell her those demeaning things?"

He viciously points a finger at Eren at this last question, not caring that the dark-haired man looks like he wants to do nothing more than to beat Armin to the ground. "I don't understand why you pushed her — of all people — away. She was the only one who truly understood you despite all your flaws."

"You think I don't already know that I don't deserve her?" Eren raises his voice incrementally at each word uttered. He fully rotates himself to Armin and his blue-green eyes shine with fury and an indescribable emotion. Eren's body is riddled with tension and his fists seem as though they're itching to punch the blonde-haired man. A darkness falls over his face, making the bags underneath his eyes and sharp contours of his face even more pronounced. He now looks very different from the hollow, apathetic man who said those terrible things last month. At this point, Armin finally sees remnants of the passionate, hot-headed boy who promised to protect his two best friends forever when they were younger.

"I wanted to have a happy life with her. But it wouldn't have been possible if we tried to keep our relationship long-distance. She was too special and valuable for that. So, I let her go. And it was a good thing, since I needed to become a monster to achieve my goals. And you know what the most fitting part of me being a monster is?" Eren asks, deliberately stepping closer to Armin. A deadly aura radiates from him and Armin almost takes a step back in brief shock. Eren's eyes take on a more desperate and almost maniacal look. They become slits and Armin thinks he also sees disgust in them. The lines between the taller man's forehead compress and his face contorts into an ugly grimace at his next sentence.

"I'm so glad that my presence makes her distressed," Eren confesses, letting out a chuckle that sounds anything but happy.

Armin stills at that declaration while Eren continues speaking, "Because it shows that she never let me go in her heart. Leaving her was necessary and I've been miserable because of my choice. And I'm so happy to know that she still cares for me, even though I have to act like I don't. I still need lie to her and push her away, so she doesn't waste her thoughts on someone like me. But even if I were to die, I would want only me to remain in her memories."

Eren gives another throaty emotionless laugh, throwing his head back slightly. His shoulders shake a little bit from the action, but friction still rolls off his body. The maniacal look in the brown-haired man's eyes disappears and the dark atmosphere fades a bit, but he doesn't look any less incensed and desperate.

Armin, however, has no pity currently and simply glares at Eren dead-on before he remarks, "You're a selfish leech."

"What else would you expect from me now?" His voice takes on a bitter edge and a sneer appears on his face. Eren's body vibrates a bit from continuing to chuckle coldly and he sticks his hands inside the pockets of his trousers.

Armin doesn't respond to that and continues glowering at Eren, crossing his arms. The two stare down one another for a bit, each one steadfast and persistent. Armin sighs in exasperation and finally breaks his gaze from the dark-haired man. He spots a group of three strolling through the streets and then finally asks Eren something he'd been wondering for a while.

"If you knew what she went through, would you still have left?"

"She's always been strong," Eren replies without hesitation, his voice losing some of the prior acerbic tone. "She would've moved on eventually. I just never expected we'd meet again like this."

"Eren… do you know what happened after you left for New York that summer?"

"… All the more reason why I said those things to her."

She crouched over on the toilet seat with her head in her two hands, struggling to get her breaths to come out. Her hands were agitatedly stroking through her short hair and Mikasa could feel another headache start to burst through her skull. It'd been 3 weeks since Eren broke up with her, despite her pleas that they could get through any obstacles together because they were one another's strength and family. It'd been a week since he left for New York.

It'd been a little over 8 weeks since she had her period.

When she found out 5 days ago, she didn't tell him. There wasn't any point.

They were fine. Eren agreed they could try a long-distance relationship, but then after that night about 6 weeks ago, he was distant again. Mikasa thought it was because he needed to leave for New York soon and tried to be there for him. It didn't work; he clamped up his feelings and avoided talking to her. She constantly saw various emotions run through him during those last weeks. Then, Eren broke things off with her and while the realistic side of her expected it, Mikasa kept hoping and hoping that he wouldn't leave her.

She sat up, straightened her position, and focused on her breathing. In. Out. In. Out. The bottle was on the bathroom counter next to her. Mikasa already took the first pill yesterday and she just took the pain-relieving pills about half an hour ago. Now, she needed to take these next ones. She grabbed the medication and swallowed them according to instructions.

After she got out of the bathroom, Mikasa made sure to hide the bottle in her bag. Mikasa was currently staying in Levi's spare bedroom because she needed a break from the Jaeger household. There were too many memories with him in that house, and she didn't want to be reminded of the past or what could've been the future.

The doctor who aided her during the appointment was extremely kind and warned her about the bleeding and painful cramps, so she prepared herself for the worst. Near the end of the afternoon as the cramps hit, she curled up into a ball on her bed and finally let out the tears of losing everything.

Mikasa just lost the person who gave her the initial purpose to continue living. The person who gave her hope and strength when she had absolutely nothing left. The boy who she promised to stay with because he was her family — and family was supposed to overcome problems together. The man who she loved and cherished like no other. All her compartmentalized memories and dreams just seemed like wonderful fictional stories now, and she desperately wished she could go back to the past and stay there for eternity.

She gingerly touched her stomach and thought back to a memory when she was lying under a tree with Eren in the university lawn, holding hands with him. When he looked at her like she was his world and future, she briefly imagined a family together in a little white house. They'd have a little dark-haired boy running in the yard, rolling around on the grass and hugging her when she called him for snacks. Eren would come out and play with them. Pulling the two into a large hug, he'd give them tender smiles because he'd be happy that he created a peaceful life for his family.

While she recalled that dream, Mikasa saw those images come alive in front of her eyes. Then those visions started moving farther away and she even reached out a hand to grab onto them because she didn't want them to leave her. But that future turned into wisps, disappearing instantly, jolting her back to the reality of her situation.

At that point, Mikasa couldn't help the small high-pitched wail that came from her throat. She wanted that life more than anything. Her body started trembling uncontrollably and another sting erupted in her forehead. Mikasa wished she didn't need to do this. She wished that future could come alive, but it never would. These pages in a fairy tale only left her lonely and isolated in another life.

When she caught sight of the red scarf at the footpost of the bed, Mikasa heaved another sob and buried her face in the covers to muffle her cries and whimpers. Hoping that she'd be able to feel Eren's presence, she reached for the soft fabric while stifling the ache in her lower abdomen. Wrapping it around her neck until the scarf covered her nose, the aroma of her own scent mingled with that of Eren's and every memory overwhelmed her senses. Mikasa immediately saw the first time she felt the comfort of the warm fabric brushing her face and how earnest the boy looked when he told her she could have another home. Rocking back and forth in a fetal position with her hands clutching the scarf, Mikasa then felt her entire being fracture even more because she understood why Eren left.

She cried for the child who wanted to become a superhero to take care of his loved ones. She let out her grief for the boy who promised to wrap his scarf around her and be her family. Mikasa recognized that Eren changed, but to her, he'd always be that same boy — no matter what he did in the future. Her heart ached for the man who was so passionate in his drive that he let her go because he didn't want her to suffer from his path. As tears stained her cheeks and the scarf, Mikasa felt intense anguish run through her when she realized that he didn't even try to fight for them. Although Eren would've never intentionally let her go through any kind of suffering and neither of them would've predicted something like this would happen, here lay the end result.

Orange suns. Clear blue skies. Green grass tickling her cheeks. White birds flying freely. All beautiful images she didn't want to forget.

And all beautiful nightmares that she never ever wanted to wake up from.

If she knew how much loving someone would hurt, then she wouldn't have loved him in the first place.

Levi wasn't home yet, and she doubted he'd be home until past 10pm tonight. Mikasa, with trembling hands, reached for her phone and dialed Armin. When he picked up, Mikasa tried to mask her hoarse voice from crying, and she asked him shakily, "Can you come over to Levi's apartment?"

There was no hesitation when her friend said "yes".

When her body recuperated, Mikasa decided to go on a trip by herself. She took Levi's car while he was away on a business trip and drove to a nearby state national park for almost two weeks. Mikasa explored nature, appreciated the fresh air and enjoyed the exercise that came with hiking. She took photos of the scenery and was surprised with how much she enjoyed the activity. There was a level of freedom and creativity she could control whenever she peered into the lens of the camera to decide what kind of picture to capture, forever frozen in time.

At first when she hiked down from the mountains and saw the orange glow from the sun hit the horizon in a certain way, Mikasa's mind would be flooded with memories. She would be struck with so much nostalgia and sorrow that she couldn't stand the sight for too long. As the trip went on though, she took a longer time to glance at the scenery. Eventually, the pain became less harsh and more muted.

One day while hiking, Mikasa came across the sunset and was taken back to those days when things were simpler and happier. As she stood there on that cliff, she remembered the times in high school with her two best friends and family as they studied, laughed and cried together. She reflected on her college years, where the worst things she thought she'd experience was a low grade or a failed interview, and the happiest things were to come from family. Mikasa never expected the happiest events would come from clear blue skies, green grass under trees, and orange suns. She also never anticipated the most agony would come from someone she loved the most.

When the wind blew a little gust, Mikasa then realized that everything comes and goes. Time will continue to pass. There are beautiful and ugly moments, but they are forever young in those recollections and all the time they had together was precious.

In that instant, Mikasa knew that despite all that happened, she was thankful for everything Eren gave her. He offered her a family when she needed it and she would never forget that. When she had no hope, he came in to protect her and give her life meaning. And most importantly, Eren showed her the value of love and what it felt like to be in love, providing her with the affection and care that she never thought she'd receive after the accident.

But the past is there for a reason. She couldn't go back, no matter how much she wished and longed for those years. However, in her mind, there was an island of dreams, futures and hopes — ready to be recalled in fondness and appreciated. Mikasa would pass through that island and meet him there in her memories. Upon waking up, she'd continue living and remembering the impact Eren had on her past. It would be hard, but Mikasa would persevere to go on because he was the one who initially taught her how to.

Mikasa understood Eren and his actions. There would be no future for them together: her vision of a family with him beneath the orange sun didn't work out, and it never would. The peaceful life she imagined wouldn't be possible and — in time — she would learn to be grateful for and accept that finished story. But her memories would always stay with her: she would always remember who he was to her and what he did for the little girl on the hospital bench.

And that would be enough.

She then looked to the orange sun and decided to let go of all the possibilities that they could've had together. Instead, she would learn to embrace the memories to be thankful for — the good and the bad.

Goodbye, Eren.

Mikasa revoked her acceptance from Sina and looked for a new job, knowing that consulting was part of the peaceful life she always looked forward to and she needed something else for her future. She came across a marketing analyst position at MP&G Club and was reminded of how much she liked her marketing classes in undergraduate. After applying and then accepting the offer without a backwards glance, she stayed at the company for the next 5 years.

As the years went by, Mikasa felt like she finally forgot about the future she wanted previously. She didn't think about what could've been or those possibilities. There were certain brief instances — a sight, a smell, the way the light hit the sky — when the longing for the past would be too great, but all those memories and all those lessons she learned from him propelled her to walk in the present. The strength and hope she received from the little boy in her childhood helped her progress step-by-step. The determination and passion she discovered from the teenager allowed her to continue her career change and find something else to enjoy. As for the love she received, Mikasa continued to keep Armin and her other friends and family close, repairing her heart with the affections of others she held dear.

She finally felt content, until his arrival disrupted the comfort of her memories and reawakened all the raw sadness. Eren's presence caused all her desires and hopes for that peaceful future with the white house underneath the orange sun and clear blue skies to resurface unwillingly.

Mikasa realized later he must have acted that way in the garden because he noticed. Some things never changed after all these years: Eren could still do anything when it came to protecting family – even becoming a monster.

But Mikasa was more crushed because Eren didn't need to act like that. Because no matter how strong her longing for the past could be at times, she knew they reached the final pages of their completed tale.

"Eren, do you still love her?"

"I've never stopped, but there's no point now, is there?"

Armin sits on his bed as he was getting ready to sleep and contemplates his next actions. He doesn't know if it'll work, but Mikasa needs closure.

Both of his best friends do.

Mikasa goes to the pier after the day ends. Armin said he'd meet her at their usual spot by the front entrance. The nice part about working in the downtown area was the proximity to the harbor. Usually at this time on a weekday, it was packed with people looking for something to eat after a busy day of work and to potentially enjoy some drinks.

She sighs while checking her watch, noting that Armin is late. This isn't typically like him. Nevertheless, Mikasa adjusts the bag on her shoulder, walks to the railing and rests her palms against it. She feels the gust get stronger and tickle her cheeks. Her medium length black hair blows around her while she inhales the salty, crisp air. The fabric of her light pink dress billows against her legs, and Mikasa's right hand comes up to shield her view from the light starting to directly hit her face. The sun is beginning to set from the long day, and she takes in the mix of blue, white, orange, red and yellow in the sky. For a second, it's such a breathtaking scenery that she doesn't think about what the sight would've meant to her before.

"Mikasa?"

And then it all comes crashing back.

Her eyes snap open. She turns in surprise and sees Eren in a classic black suit. His hair is a little mussed up from the wind and his face looks haggard from work, but Eren still looks just as shocked as her.

Armin, why?

They gawk at one another for a bit, before Mikasa diverts her eyes away from his and simply says, "I think Armin set us up."

Eren also cools his expression and responds slowly, "Yeah, I think so too."

Mikasa gives him a little nod and then moves by him to leave. However, she doesn't notice a biker coming by on her left. She turns in late response as she hears the ding-ding sound, but Eren grabs her upper arm to pull her back and out of the way. Stiffening at the action, Mikasa mumbles a quiet thanks and tries to free the arm in his grasp without looking at him. His grip tightens. She tries a little harder to wrench it away, but to no avail.

She turns to frown at him and stops upon noticing the indescribable emotions trickling through his face as he continues to stare at her. They're so close that she can see the little freckles smattered here and there on his cheeks and some faint wrinkles that have developed around his eyes. The circles under his eyes are even more prominent from this angle, but he still looks handsome. His full eyelashes brush against his cheekbones when he blinks and then Eren's gaze morphs. In that instant, it's like nothing changed: his eyes are looking at her like she is his world and future. Mikasa imagines the peaceful life they could've had together: she sees a white house, green grass, the sun shining down on them, blue skies and white birds flying overhead.

But then she remembers that these images were stories and can't happen. Mikasa comes back to reality and then becomes fully cognizant of their position. Their shoes are almost touching, and she thinks his upper torso leans in a fraction of a hair. Mikasa can feel the heat radiating from his body and can pick up his familiar scent. Trying to calm the blood rushing to her head, she glances to the hand on her arm and then back to his face before saying quietly, "Let go."

Something flashes in Eren's eyes and the previous emotions in them disappear. He gradually releases his grip, but Mikasa can still feel the warmth and firmness of his fingers pressing on her arm, even through her clothes. She adjusts her sleeve and is prepared to leave before he says plainly, "The contract is mainly finalized. Marketing may receive a huge cut."

"I see, thank you," Mikasa replies in a monotonous voice and turns her back to him.

"What will you do?" Eren asks, tilting his head marginally and raising an eyebrow.

"I'll find another job," she answers, her back still to him.

"You should go back to consulting," Eren responds in a casual fashion.

"I didn't realize you could still have concern for a slave like me," Mikasa retorts, trying to not let any bite slip into her voice.

"Your decision makes you weak," Eren says, traces of the acidic tone from two months ago leaking into his sentence.

Mikasa knows that he's saying these things on purpose. The knowledge doesn't alleviate the hurt any less, so she turns around and asks him a bit heatedly, "Why do you still care? Don't say you don't… I knew why you were saying those things last month. I knew why you left all those years ago."

She doesn't know if she succeeds, but Mikasa tries to keep the desperation and suffering from all those years ago out of her voice as she asks, "Why couldn't have we just tried to see where the relationship could go?"

Eren doesn't reply. Mikasa waits. She sees some resignation and annoyance filter through his blue-green eyes. He finally responds in a low voice, "Would you have been happy following me and witnessing the things I had to do to fulfill my goals? Just as much as I've helped companies, I've also torn down opportunities for people. It all went according to how the markets ran and how the economy moved. I was fine with it because that's just how things should've been. I would've had no time to commit to a relationship, not to mention a future. Everything about me changed."

He almost spits the last word out and disdain leaks through his face briefly. Narrowing his eyes a bit, Eren then asks in a condescending tone, "Would your peaceful life have been fulfilled with a monster like me?"

Mikasa gives an emotionless laugh, shakes her head in mild disbelief and just says, "Eren, being with you — no matter what — would've been my future. I knew you were figuring out what was important to you and I would've stood by your side. At the same time, would you really have become that so-called monster if I were still with you? Didn't you also want a peaceful life with me?"

Eren stays silent and studies her with an empty expression, any signs of sentiment gone in his appearance. He then turns his head to the direction of the sunset and asks quietly, "Do you wish for those days sometimes?"

"Of course." Mikasa has no reason to lie. "But we can never go back."

Eren says nothing for a while, just continues pondering over his next words. Mikasa represses a sigh and starts to return home, until Eren says quietly, "Levi told me you were pregnant."

Mikasa comes to a sudden stop and almost trips over her heels. Slowly, she turns halfway to observe him, and flickers of remorse and solemnity reflect on his face. Chest quickly constricting in grief, Mikasa tries to forget any of those terrifying — and beautiful — visions of that life.

"I was set on going to Titan our junior year. When I started my internship, it was both everything that I dreamt of and everything that I hated. I was creating change and helping those that wanted it, but only because some of them were drunk on power and wealth. It sickened me, but at the same time, it made sense. I thought there was no purpose in helping everyone when it's natural for some to win and some to lose. My values began to alter. I saw the people that were there, and I knew I had to change myself to succeed in my career," Eren continues in a distant voice, while shifting his blue-green eyes to meet her shocked ones. Hints of longing creep into them and it eventually spreads to show in his appearance.

Mikasa doesn't know if she's breathing at this point. Pictures that she locked away in her mind come back unconsciously: a little dark-haired boy running through the backyard, Mikasa beaming as the little boy rushes into her arms and Eren gathering both into a tight hug, never letting them go.

"The morning after that night… I became terrified. I always knew you deserved more than the person I had to become, and I wanted to make the relationship work… But then I thought of a family with you and thought it wouldn't be possible," Eren confesses as he puts his hands into his pocket. He glances down at his feet for a second, but his demeanor softens, and she recognizes the guilt and yearning in his expression. Mikasa saw it almost every day those last few months before he left.

"I just moved to New York and was with Zeke for lunch. I ran into Levi at the restaurant. He must've been on some business trip; he forced me to go outside to the back alley with him and then beat me until my face was bruised. Almost lost a tooth," Eren chuckles humorlessly at the recollection. He takes a step forward to her, locks his eyes onto hers and says tenderly, "I'm sorry I put you through that… and I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."

The noise around them fades into nothing. The familiar tingling sensation starts to come to the front of her head and Mikasa suppresses the urge to rub her temples. She can't speak or move without fear of letting everything out at him: all the anguish, grief, fears, wishes, as well as — to her shock — the deeply buried relief upon seeing him again this year.

Eren takes one hand out of his trouser pocket and it awkwardly twitches by his side, as if he were restraining himself to not reach out and touch her. He continues in a low voice, "I wanted to call you when I heard. But I knew the emotions you were feeling were probably too raw at the time… I thought it'd be worse for you if I reached out, so I pretended like I didn't know. But hearing about that made me suffer… And it truly made me reconsider everything I built my path for again," Eren admits faintly.

The guilt in his eyes magnify and then he immediately transforms into that lost college junior on the bench that day underneath the orange sun when he first kissed her and promised to wrap that scarf around her as many times as she wanted. Drops of water form in her vision and she tries to quench the forgotten longings and desires from overwhelming her being.

"But I also knew I needed to move forward… So, I continued with the path I laid out," Eren says, but then his eyes reveal traces of helplessness when he acknowledges in a resigned voice, "But there were many times when I didn't understand why I went on that path in the first place."

Eren's gaze is too intense. It's filled with too many emotions that makes her heart feel like it'll collapse any moment. It makes her want to curl up into a ball again like that night 5 years ago and just weep because he could have said all this before making the choice to leave. Worst of all, his stare reminds her too much of what could have been her future, as well as the possibilities they could've had if neither of them experienced these things that influenced who they became today.

And she already let all those stories go, so there was no point. Mikasa takes in a sharp breath and tries to steadily walk away instead of flat-out sprinting from the place.

"I love you."

His voice is a low murmur, but she clearly hears the words. Her back is to Eren as a tear slides down her cheek.

"You've always been my family," he expresses in such a delicate, hushed and tired voice. She thinks of the defeated boy who first brought up the choice to break up because she was too special for that kind of relationship.

He goes on, "I didn't want you to see the monster I needed to become, so I left. I didn't want you to waste your growth over my presence, so I said those things. It's selfish of me, but I want to let you know that I haven't been happy these past 5 years; nothing made me happier than our time together."

Mikasa says nothing and just walks away.

By the end of the week, Mikasa hears news about the near-completed merger. She'd been preparing for the worst, but then is surprised when Pixis announces Paradis agreed to not get rid of certain departments and will be focusing instead on individual employee evaluations. If individuals don't meet minimum employee criteria, then they would either be laid off or undergo retraining.

When Rico asks why the sudden change after what they've been hearing over the past few months, Pixis shrugs and simply states, "The M&A team at Titan re-negotiated terms with Paradis for department layoffs. According to the Paradis legal team director, a 'brazen' VP named Eren Jaeger is very persuasive."

The team at Titan is getting ready to leave tomorrow. They stayed a week longer than usual this time to finish up the changes to the contract, but everything is ready to be signed.

Mikasa doesn't see him during his extended stay. She carried out her activities in a haze for the past week, not knowing where to go from that conversation on the pier. At first, she thought there was nothing to say to him; but as Mikasa changes into her pajamas for bed though, something in the back of her closet catches her eye.

The red scarf hangs off a hook, unworn for so many years and barely seeing the light of day. Just looking at it, she can feel a gentle breeze running through her hair and caressing her cheeks as Eren danced with her beneath the sunset. Mikasa can see the images of them lying on the grass side by side, sharing stories, laughing, and exchanging soft smiles and sweet kisses. She thinks back to the first time she laid her eyes upon the enthusiastic boy who wanted to take care of those who he loved by becoming Captain America. She remembers the look in the boy's eyes as he wrapped the scarf around her until it covered her nose, and how he blushed at being her protector.

There was no sadness or separation in these islands of dreams and hopes. Looking at that scarf made her feel like there was nothing more desirable than staying in those lovely nightmares forever.

As Mikasa touches the scarf, she notices how worn and old the fabric has become.

Like the memories she travels between.

Mikasa sits down on the bed with the scarf crumpled in her hands, and then realizes that as the years went by, she was the same. Like the island in her mind, she was also like an island in time: staying and drifting between the passage of the past and the future. But while brushing and rubbing the fabric through her fingers again, Mikasa has the epiphany that her past and future are not separate: rather, they are intertwined.

Her hopes for the future in that white house underneath the orange sun and clear blue skies stemmed from the past. In the aftermath of the breakup, letting go of Eren helped her accept that she couldn't have the same peaceful life she dreamt of. Those memories in the island encouraged her to move on because she remembered the strength given to her; all the lessons she learned from him were valuable and it was thanks to those experiences she could move forward in life.

Moisture blurs her vision as Mikasa realizes, however, how much that island also kept her in an isolated state, never waking up fully to shift towards a future. She just kept living as time went through her. As much as her memories helped her let go and continue further in life, she was also held back from comprehending what those memories meant for her future.

She always wanted that peaceful life under the orange sun. It was so firmly engrained in both the past Mikasa accepted and the future she let go of. But in that instant, she knew that she never understood that she could still have a peaceful life. A peaceful future.

Holding the scarf up to her face and pressing the material to her cheeks and nose, Mikasa shuts her eyes and then inhales the scent of the fabric. It was musty from sitting in her closet, but the scent still reminds her of every picture from the past and the aspirations for that peaceful future. And then when Mikasa opens her eyes, she's surprised to find small water droplets dripping down on the cloth. But then she gives a small, relieved smile because she now understands.

Letting go meant understanding and accepting the past — the good and the bad. Letting go meant being thankful of the past and appreciating all those memories — the good and the bad.

It didn't mean staying in the island forever, not waking up. It didn't mean saying goodbye to a future.

Embracing the scarf tightly and feeling the comfort of the fabric against her chest, she knows now that letting go doesn't mean her dreams are fairy tales: it means she could still have a peaceful life like the one she hoped for and also move through time again.

She could create a story that didn't end in sadness or separation.

So, Mikasa knows what to do to set herself free.

Mikasa waits for him by the 17th floor elevators in the morning. She sees him come around the corner with the rest of the team and shake hands with Pixis. Making eye contact with him, he excuses himself from the group as they head off to another room. Eren comes to stand in front of her and his face is perfectly masked into an impassive attitude, but Mikasa can tell there are cracks of nervousness leaking through his eyes.

"Can we go to the garden?" Mikasa asks softly, not directly making eye contact with him. She'd be lying if she claimed she wasn't on edge also, but she needed to do this.

"Sure, but I have to leave in about 30 minutes to get back to the hotel and prepare for my flight," Eren replies.

Mikasa nods and they take the elevator in silence to the 21st floor. They walk to the patio, her heels clicking while leading the way and him trailing a few strides behind her. When they step outside the doors, she goes to the railing and surveys the scenery around her. It's morning, but the sun still glazes down on them, and some stray birds fly through the blue sky. The hustle of the crowds getting to work is below, and transportation is slowly making their way through the congested streets. The sounds of the city fill her ears, so she closes her eyes briefly and takes a deep breath.

Everything comes and goes. The nostalgia and longing pass through her, but there is also finally a new and different sense of peace.

When those emotions settle within her, Mikasa knows she's woken up and feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. Contentment and rest fill her being. In that moment, she's so glad that morning has finally come, and the night has passed — no matter how beautiful those nightmares were.

She turns to find Eren watching her, his supposedly aloof features taking her in. His posture is more upfront and guarded, like he already predicted how this conversation would go. Eren sticks his hands into his trouser pockets and adjusts his weight from the right leg to the left. Mikasa looks back at him, unsure of how to start the conversation. She finally states, "We can't go back to those days ever again."

Eren shifts his gaze at that and says nothing.

"But I want to move forward," Mikasa says gently. "I can't continue to hold onto my memories and wish for something that I know can't ever happen again."

She knows if she lets go of the railing her hands might start shaking, so Mikasa clasps her hands behind her back, steps forward to him and continues, "And I can't deprive myself of the peaceful life I wanted. I have to make my own future now… You were an important part of my life and that will never change. I'd like you to continue to be part of it, despite everything that happened."

Eren snaps his head to her in surprise and his eyes widen. His previous inscrutable expression morphs into a dumbstruck one and his jaw slackens somewhat. Then Eren hesitantly asks, "Do… you mean—"

She gives a small shake of her head and responds kindly, "Not like that. I don't know if we can ever have that kind of relationship again. But I can't shut you out, nor can I hold onto what once was." Mikasa becomes aware that they're only about a foot apart from one another now. She can see the fullness of his eyelashes, the prominence of the sharp contours of his face, and the perpetual dark circles he has now. Peering into his stunned and confused eyes, Mikasa continues, "I want to let go of those memories and look forward to new ones, no matter where we are or what we are to one another. Can we do that?"

Eren gapes her for a moment before his facade breaks. His stance slumps a bit, his shoulders loosen and the edges on his face become rounder. Shifting his weight, the sunlight shines on his face in a way that conceals the bags underneath his eyes. One hand comes out from his pocket and just hangs by his side. Eren's blue-green eyes lose the previous anxiety they held, and Mikasa sees relief and acceptance flow through them. The corners of his mouth are released from the hard line they were set in before, allowing the dark-haired man to finally give a small earnest smile. Eren's voice then changes into soft, authentic tone as he gently answers, "Yes."

When Mikasa hears that affirmation as they gaze at one another, she finally doesn't see the little boy who promised her he'd wrap his scarf around her. She also doesn't see the man who gave her so much happiness when dancing with her beneath the orange sun, laying underneath the shade or swinging her around in the open grass. Nor does Mikasa see the man who wanted to set her free because he cared too much for her happiness over his own.

Mikasa sees Eren as who he is, and she knows that they'll be all right.

Upon that realization, she lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Mikasa gives him a tender smile, conveying her appreciation. Her eyes crinkle up in gratefulness and she also relaxes her posture, releasing the hands clasped behind her back and alleviating the tightness in her spine. Giving him a small nod and walking by him to go inside, Mikasa feels freer and lighter in her steps.

"Thank you, Mikasa," she hears when she reaches the door. At the sound of her name, Mikasa stops, because this is the first time he's said her name like that in a long time. His voice is low, but genuine and full of gratitude. It briefly prompts her to remember the college boy who thanked her that afternoon on the wooden bench for being by his side while he struggled to discover his path.

In that second, she's aware that they'll continue to do so for one another, no matter what they are to each other.

And then that insight assures Mikasa that she did make the best decision for herself and the boy who she loved and cherished like no other. The man who was — and still is — family.

She's startled at first, but then lets out an even more wide and sincere smile. When Mikasa rotates to glance at him, Eren catches a familiar glimmer in her eyes as she replies, "No. Thank you, Eren."

Mikasa meets with Armin later. When she asks him about the job opening at Sina, Armin's head jerks up from his lunch in surprise. And then he beams a large smile and tells her he'll give her the details as soon as possible, his eyes twinkling in happiness.

She's positive her eyes are also shining more than usual today.

After Mikasa is done with work, she goes to the pier. Mikasa gazes at the orange sunset and feels the air stroke her face lovingly. While listening to the waves crashing and the commotion around her, she thinks back to the past and remembers the happy and unhappy moments. But both kinds of recollections are beautiful because they are forever young in those memories and all those experiences shaped her into who she is today.

And for the first time as the golden glow fills the sight, she looks to the future. Mikasa doesn't see the same images of the peaceful life she imagined in her youth, though. The visions that she tried to repress for the longest time don't appear in front of her. Mikasa also doesn't encounter the previous agony felt from unconsciously picturing the future. She's not sure what she sees, but this is the first time she feels hopeful for what could be.

Mikasa doesn't know how things will change between them. But as she sees white birds flying through the horizon, she knows this step will help her grasp what her future means — now and later. She'll learn how to move through time instead of the other way around.

The past and the future are connected, and she won't try to separate them again. All those memories will fuel how she decides to live her own life from now on. And they'll stand by her as she writes her own future. The peaceful life she imagined doesn't need to be a fictional tale with pages that begin and end. Rather, Mikasa can make that story into a reality and move through those never-ending pages of an eternal book.

This won't be a goodbye to the orange sun, but rather, a hello.

See you later, Eren.

A/N (manga spoilers below):

I'm not sure what you all were expecting from this second chapter, but this is the end! I really don't know how to write stories/chapters less than 8000 words lol. Thanks so much for reading this far and hopefully I didn't crush anyone's hopes too much (insert smiling face emoji with sweat drop).

BTW, I'm also in NO WAY calling investment bankers monsters (hopefully no one had that impression). Eren calling himself a monster is more about what he had to do to achieve his "freedom" or his goal to succeed in his career, as well as how he changed his idealistic views from his childhood; it's also a reference to how he evolved in the manga/anime, so this term is not directed at all towards the IB profession.

I wanted to make this story as realistic as possible when exploring some of the themes I talked about before. Tbh, when creating this story, I wanted to make a more open ending, but as I was writing, I decided to make it more hopeful. Especially since after reading 139, I saw comments saying they were disappointed that Mikasa still hadn't "moved on" from Eren's death. This fic kind of was my interpretation of what "moving on" can mean in this specific setting, but there's honestly no "right" way to let go imo. Every person's situation is unique, and I think the ending Isayama gave was fitting to allow people to interpret how Mikasa would move forward after Eren's death. Whether it was positive or negative is up in the air, but I personally think it was positive.

As for Mikasa, like I mentioned before in the last chapter, I wanted to explore themes in Eight when dealing with grief and loss of a loved on. Eren didn't die in this story but losing someone who was a very important part of her life is something that should be grieved and not taken lightly. In addition, I was struggling whether to include the pregnancy and abortion scene, but the idea wouldn't leave me, and I ultimately decided to include it because I thought it'd add to why Mikasa accepted there wouldn't be a peaceful future and then help Mikasa understand that a peaceful future is possible for her, no matter what she went through in the past. If this content was triggering in any way, I'm sorry because that was not my intention and I hope my writing was OK in this aspect.

Thanks for reading this long A/N and I hope you enjoyed the story! Please let me know your thoughts if you have any (but please no hate hehe).