"Dear Liv," He pauses to take a breath. They're looking into each other's eyes and he feels uneasy and safe all at the same time. He continues.

"If you're reading this, maybe there's still hope for me yet. There's so much I want to say, but I'll start off with what needs to be said first. Olivia, I am unfathomably sorry. I'm not sorry for leaving the job because both my head and my heart needed relief from that daily torture. I am sorry for leaving you, for severing the sacred bond of our partnership, our friendship, and everything else that you and I were despite being able to adequately explain it . . . even to ourselves. I should have called, answered one of your calls, or even texted. I desperately wanted to. I felt like I needed to hear your voice like I needed air in my lungs, but I knew if I heard your voice, I wouldn't have been able to leave. Even if you can never find it in your heart to forgive me, I hope this at least helps you understand why."

His chest is rising and falling at a rapid rate now. He feels like he's on the verge of hyperventilating and his hands are shaking. She notices and she squeezes the shaking hand that she's still holding in encouragement. He finds the strength to continue forward.

"I hope you're not too upset with me showing up to your award ceremony. I meant to reach out before; I really did, but the coward in me was afraid that you wouldn't answer and then I wouldn't have the courage to show up. I didn't want to risk that because I needed to see you. I'm hoping I get to talk to you and have the opportunity to congratulate you. Maybe even hold you? I don't know. Maybe this is wishful thinking. Anyway, when I sent in the RSVP to the award ceremony, the award committee reached out and asked me to say a few words about you and what it was like working by your side for all those years. You know I'm not good with words in front of crowds. I regretfully declined the offer to speak, but I decided to write you this letter instead. So, what was it like to work alongside Olivia Benson?"

"Do you need a break?" She asked quietly. She noticed his voice cracked when he spoke her name.

He pressed his lips together, shook his head, and willed away the tears for now. "No." He responded in a whisper. "I got this."

"To be her partner was the most empowering feeling in the world. It was an experience I will never forget and one that I will treasure forever. I felt protected. I walked in there every day knowing I could trust her with my life. When I stood beside her, I felt like a real-life superhero. When we walked out onto the streets of Manhattan or into the interrogation room together, I never doubted us. There wasn't a single dirtbag out there that stood a chance against the two of us. We were truly invincible, and I know that I owe that invincibility to her. She was as much my strength as she was her own. She kept me grounded and made me a better cop. She made me a better man. She's the best. I don't know anyone who cares for the victims the way she does. She is the beating heart of the Special Victims Unit and there is absolutely no one more deserving of this award. I am so proud of her. Honestly, from our very first case together, I knew she'd make captain someday. I knew she'd be decorated with every honor and award in the book because as I previously mentioned, she is simply the best. It was an honor to call her my partner. It was an even greater honor to call her my friend. I'd like to take this moment to extend my most eager congratulations to the greatest detective I've ever known, my best friend, the partner my soul needed: Olivia Benson."

She broke their eye contact and was looking down at the table now. He noticed her chin was quivering.

"Come on. You know it's all true." He spoke gently to her.

When she didn't look up and she didn't respond, he released her hand for a moment and brought his chair closer to her so there wasn't an entire table between them. Their knees were almost touching now, and he grabs both of her hands.

"Hey." He says soothingly. "Look at me."

She lifts her head and opens her eyes. She's desperately fighting back against the tears that were threatening to spill over.

"I need you here with me for this last part." He traces soothing circles over her hands with his thumbs. Once he knows she's back with him again and ready to hear the rest, he proceeds.

"Liv, these past 10 years without you have been torture. I can't tell you the number of times I picked up the phone and my finger just hovered over your name for 20 minutes; sometimes longer. Each time though, I would get into my own head and tell myself that too much time had passed. When I first told myself that, it had just been a little over 5 months, but days turned into months turned into years . . . I just kept waiting for the right moment. When I'm busy with the family or work, it's bearable, but any time I have a moment to myself, especially in the middle of the night, I can't help but think of you. I think about where you might be, what you might be doing at that exact moment. I think about us and what we were. I think about all the things we once said to each other and all the things that we left unsaid. One of the most important subjects I never got to discuss with you is what we really were to one another. I've thought about that a lot since my departure. You were so much more than my partner, so much more than my best friend. I prayed so hard for an explanation for what I was feeling. I prayed for guidance. I was married with a family and I wanted to be a good man and honor my word to God. I wanted to be a good father and do right by my family. I also wanted to do right by you and be the friend and partner that you deserved. I eventually realized that I was lying to myself though. What I wanted with you transcended far beyond our friendship and our partnership. I thought it happened gradually and that I was taking the necessary steps to maintain the appropriate boundaries. Looking back now, I realize that it happened immediately, all at once, and there was no stopping it. Before you, I always believed that we got to pick who our soul loved. I know now that that can't be true because my soul undoubtedly and unconditionally loves yours. You're my soulmate, Olivia. I don't know if I'll ever be able to do anything about that in this lifetime, but at the very least, I wanted you to know. Please take care and I hope we can keep in touch going forward. Once again, congratulations on making captain and your award. I am profoundly proud of you.

All my love with all my heart and soul,

El"

At the verbal sign off with his nickname, they both jumped out of their seats and clung to each other. Tears were streaming down both of their faces now. He held her tightly to him with one arm wrapped around her back and one hand on the back of her head. He was shaking with the adrenaline of saying it all out loud to her face-to-face.

"I'm so sorry, Olivia. I'm so sorry." He takes a shaky breath. "I missed you so much."

"Nowhere near as much as I missed you." She says into his shoulder.

He smiles through his tears. "Somehow I doubt that."

"Elliot?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." She pulls back just enough to look at him. "I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that from you."

"You deserved to hear it from me. I wish I would have told you sooner." He cupped her face while simultaneously brushing her tears away. "All those years ago, I wouldn't admit it to myself, but I fell in love with you, Olivia." His eyes locked on hers. "I'm still falling."

Her breath hitches and the tears are back and threatening to fall again. "I love you, El." She finally admits. "I always have." She finishes in a whisper.

His eyes go wide, and he blinks in complete shock. He never expected to hear those words from her. He wasn't even sure until just now that she felt the same way. He releases her but remains in her space. He looks down at his left hand and evaluates the gold band that's inhabited his ring finger for greater than three decades. If he's being completely honest with himself, the thought of removing his wedding band scared him a little. He doesn't really know how to not be a married man. The last time he wasn't married was when he was just a kid still in high school.

He twisted the band around his finger to loosen it and looked up at Olivia. She watched him carefully and nodded. He nodded back. He could do this. With one quick pull, he slipped the band off his finger and carefully sat it on the table. He sucked in a breath as he looked at his now bare left hand. He immediately felt naked without it.

Tears sprung to his eyes again as this all suddenly became very overwhelming. Olivia watched in awe. She grabbed his hand and gently rubbed where his wedding band once resided. "She will always hold a special place in your heart, Elliot."

He nods through the tears.

"I'm here for you, El. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I'm here for you." She reassures him, still massaging his ring finger. "We'll take this one day at a time."

He looks at her then. "I love you, Liv."

She wants to melt at his words, she wants to kiss him so badly, but she knows he's hurting. She offers him a soft smile instead. "I love you too, El." She grabs his hand then and intertwines her fingers with his. "Let's go check on the boys."

They make their way into the living room side-by-side, just like the letter and the wedding band on the kitchen table.